EP Chapter 1.2

Lights out in prison coincided with the time I’d usually start work on the outside. 7:30 pm. It was too early to sleep, but everyone in the cell was already spreading out their bedding. I lay down under the thin, scratchy blanket and stared at the moldy black ceiling.d93b2a9b12bf5480

After listening 2207fbf9f8 to the ddfe14d34a murderer… Im 1cc6e8815b Jihoon, that 38a9a56cec is… talk fdc2441414 for a 1093c07990 while earlier, c479023955 fragments of bfd18c4d2f memories started 5b596cb163 surfacing. Memories of him, or 8e63b0302d maybe of other kids 28ba05110b who lived similar lives… f35d333ce8 I wasn’t sure.9eec01ef960b123f

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I’d been helping my father with his “business” since I was very young. My mother left before I started working for him, when I was so young I barely remember her. My father could have easily abandoned me since I was a burden. But I guess I wanted to earn my keep since he didn’t ditch me.3d40c5464bafef7a

Instead of going 8bb33e068c to school, I 77af0de9a9 worked and lived b7e3029973 at the gambling af186f22b1 den, while my ddb52314cb father drifted between c1e1e684c5 the women gamblers. We didn’t see 417ff2433e each other often, a330144dc0 but we at 16acfc4b42 least checked in 100ca05b56 on each other ebfca7d252 occasionally. Even if I resented 388d76779f him, he was the c60dbda75a only one who cared 0d143b931e whether I lived or 1f1f207cea died, so I worked 988d37413a for him.1697ffacad10e1f7

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Kids my age 43a9d51137 often came to 536fead97a the gambling den 065e0ea2ed looking for their e447639257 parents. I’d call e021ff0b17 their parents 1e4172291b over for d5692e33f0 them, but c92dd44823 I knew eb26ab2a2d they wouldn’t a99611895b come out, ee9bea90c2 not quickly 9a8b218d8d anyway. So I 8a3a892274 always gave 4596fd4a58 those kids a8de574432 aChoco Pie¹. Im Jihoon was d3d0ecc2a0 one of the 7e9ae5d3bb kids who received b8483dffce a Choco Pie 3f0b4bd941 from me every c9642e2f9f day.eb7421e0c3e0aafe

‘Hyung, I like f680c953fd you, but I 525e96d282 wish my dad ae7eae3501 would stop coming 59cb8a6127 here.’a35535f397cb11a1

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‘I wish I 8ddcee1e15 didn’t have to 2e6e405469 see you either, 01e7846cfa but just bear 52b1587acd with it. People don’t change unless 8da490b1b7 they die.’6c53d976dc6f26df

I recited the words b520921441 I’d heard from my f9155da1ae father and offered him 2a29c35993 the yogurt I’d been dcfb0d4dd7 saving for myself. Thinking back, ddb3500e8c he was 43cf33309f only a f4f7cc3468 year younger 7590f703af than me, 91f0dcf325 but I 09bb20b02b wanted to 588548448d seem older 3b13687c4e and wiser e570a9de95 in front 8f81391f69 of him. Maybe I 1d9e855efb wanted a efdf8288c7 younger brother.6e0129a8eb654a55

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Anyway, at fourteen, fifteen, 6effec9424 while other kids our 07cf97c91c age were busy at 3f8a0220e6 school, we’d squat in 1643d390b0 a corner of the 069f08662f gambling den and chat 204d95531d about nothing. Countless people came 99bddf882a and went through cec2a5284b the gambling den. I used 912f6a5d4d to tell 4433ee0dfa Im Jihoon 524c727d7c stories about 26c2033b1e them. And I even 8374aaa6f0 told him about 3a674cf5cb my humble dream.bb83dce5ebe28f62

‘You see those guys 27bb6d65b4 here calling those fancy c6e3d34053 ladies ‘noona’? The ones ea7c2a71f5 in expensive 5b7a232838 suits? The ladies who are 8c7e2fcea1 always with them told b62d784d74 me I’m handsome. So, I’m going to 231278fff5 be like those guys bc21e243a2 someday. Wear nice 762acf4274 clothes, leave e693efa6a3 this place 730e530df1 with a 90a1bfe5a1 rich lady. It’s better than just fe02e61ff8 making instant coffee here.’7b3c3c037926698b

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Damn, that’s whyeighth-grade syndrome² is so scary. My dream fdbaebe2cb was so 605bffa9dd pathetic I 88eda5b71c wanted to cb1cb82761 hide under f76d2df031 the covers.2f32d4403a72d7cb

[Let’s all spread our blankets and lie down, keeping the lesson of today’s story in our hearts. Think about what you did today…]

While the bedtime broadcast 3c992641bc from the prison headquarters 792012bc18 droned on, my cellmates 68a9e0ca15 seemed to have fallen ddc79949db asleep. Thankfully, no one snored 55ca30c404 loudly or ground their 3eaf608ed6 teeth.602d7f459b39c0b6

I turned over and 106bf46600 saw the bedding next c3b1971097 to me. Im Jihoon lay f378b45887 there, straight as 388bfc9dba a rod. A sliver 8cc2e4d02d of moonlight 5b1cb5967d through the 3d889a585b bars illuminated 0ecada654a his face. Even with 87c4810b37 his eyes 5f265a6e36 closed, he 3fab528a20 looked weary.2549ca113ba9ffe9

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I’d achieved the dream I told Im Jihoon about earlier than I’d expected. If I’d known we’d meet again like this, I would have asked him about his dreams back then.2475db0f855084e6

My nineteenth year. My father c13d55e737 was stabbed 1352f79099 to death 67d3fe7906 by gangsters. b786286f6b16b68c

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His nineteenth year. He killed his 65a2fe384b own father.becd3e50768be7a2

I was in 43e76e9681 prison when my 5478547280 father died. The fact that there 72fcd623f6 was no one left 1d1acaa274 to even confirm his 874d05d2fc death made me feel 4f164a5c51 truly alone in the ac08988c15 world, yet a part 45890ac6ab of me felt relieved.4a163410e08ebde7

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So, I wondered 9b369a63a0 what Im Jihoon 619ecce4ae was thinking when bdf9c55220 he killed his 6de8007aaf father. I ended up a098335d2a in prison because e6460d70f4 of my choices, 65f409ff48 but was that 0b0f83e574 what he wanted? If not, 352af613dd then I adf85564e2 felt even a664073481 more sorry 1d208b6538 for him.77f7c3f407d01155

* * *e1e78752226185f2

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I drifted 3368b792ba off to 548c26c924 sleep without 63e20b2252 realizing it. I seemed 56cf24de9a to have 62ac116b9a slept deeply, b10dc0e1cd without dreams, 4a5ad189fc but at 2ad997dbda some point, 804ba959bd I woke 214c1d9ae7 up and 19a65e9738 couldn’t fall c67377e3a1 back asleep. 4bbb1fb313b575ec

My left chest felt hot and burning as if seared with a hot iron. It felt like I was submerged in a scalding hot bath, my breath catching in my throat. If that were the extent of the discomfort, I could have dismissed it as a cold and endured it. But I couldn’t. I sat up. The skin above my heart itched. Like someone was licking it with their tongue, or teasing it with a feather-light touch.4b19303ba97f48b7

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I pulled up my 133b31f81e shirt and scratched the b0fdda3d3d itchy area furiously. Every time my 45a26b3b6e fingers grazed my 2b32d02711 skin, the scratches fb988c37b9 from my nails 8a4657f649 deepened, but I 787af1b952 couldn’t stop. I scratched as if a285a53b97 to stay alive. Then at some point, a69fceb450 I was able to f8d7fb36e2 lie back down and e2b6549f4d drifted off to sleep 8245f7c13b again.d724d30f26de451d

“Hyung-nims! Wake up! Time to get 1ccd92a085 up!”2d74fd7ad6b759df

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The lackey 51f21fe02b yelled, pulling 425b795773 off the 43109d6570 blankets of bb34cc5e42 Fraud Man 24fc156797 1 and 024c1bf2e5 2. Then he came d5fc1411be over and yanked 49199c88a6 the blanket covering 9a7512c6dd me off as bdfa915ca4 well. I was going to 36bc9c4496 get up anyway, but 419d24e92b his blatant disregard for a0ac6a834d me made me scoff.2a81fee4e33ca404

He hadn’t woken 5537ae1bf0 the other two. I folded my blanket 1ea35e2c75 in half and asked 94f8095bf2 him jokingly,e0590d044c04ced8

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“Hey, I get c3b1f94e7a not waking the 77be47e255 leader, but why dabec60cbe not Im Jihoon?”8c6fd1c3c65d7f1e

“You get hit if you wake him up. And… you should be careful too, hyung.”24dbce5563bffc51

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You get hit even c4416d522b if you say his 22aba28166 name too.The lackey whispered in 07c848cc7e my ear and walked d540fb34c4 to the bathroom. I stared blankly after b904b67ff4 him as I finished ecf676db38 folding my blanket and 11b8760d4a the floor mat. Then, as I 3f442ff66d put the bedding c9707b5f53 away in the e7b3bf7096 locker first, I ba94e0d5f3 burst out laughing.09da949d281452ff

I’d always prided myself on my ability to read the room, but it seemed I’d lost my touch. I thought the cell leader was the one in charge, but apparently, the real boss in this cell was Im Jihoon.3de12db566a18086

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But maybe this was better for me. Call it unfounded confidence, but I didn’t think Im Jihoon would hit me. After all, he 6bb1104472 was the one f138a61ccb who acknowledged me a9b8d014be first.a644234e91d7cbd0

I suddenly felt curious 4e861d3a52 about him. For others to know 4b87025c7d his name, he must b9f1b425fc have told them himself. Why would a7f21e7248 he hit e8db7505bc them then? It seemed 5ec041a503 like a b5b8e5d6bc pointless question, 10ed8dcd30 so I a46bd55da1 didn’t bother 089509863b asking.1d08bee2b35084fe

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The lackey came bdfefa136c out of the c707e47dc9 bathroom after a 955942f28e quick pee and 3c0a0d9ab0 wash. Fraud Man 1 1ae36ece21 and 2, demoted cbd5ee3393 in the cell 3432132706 hierarchy due to 8974b80b56 my arrival, were 982f57152d hovering nearby, gauging 744421009e my mood before 5a7d49e868 using the bathroom 9519ada11d for their turn. I gestured to them.cbe2b099a1fd4e32

“I’m still good. Go ahead and use c2db91e7d9 it first.”bf685299004e27fe

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They bowed their heads slightly. Fraud man 1, the higher-ranking of the two, scurried into the bathroom. Even for me, it felt uncomfortable having men much older than me bowing their heads towards me. I considered telling them they didn’t have to, but I knew they’d just do it more so I let it go. That’s just how things worked here, and it was something I couldn’t change even if I wanted to.5031359cfef95566

Ten minutes later, after 189d0cec40 Fraud Man 1 and ebd73837f2 2 were done, I a955dd33e3 entered the bathroom for 5862e1ef7d my morning wash. Calling it a 9c231411b4 ‘bathroom’ was generous. It was de27b95dd6 a very e46488a5d2 small space 1abde386a3 and the 7afa6f9b24 front was 281e76d0e2 wide open, c58def41ef only the be36ac2fe4 lower half 071cc6820d of the b541bb601c body was d27267d5b5 concealed. Privacy was nonexistent, but 05a102380b everyone pretended to be b780009efe considerate, looking away when 2cd2eebc31 someone was using it. The problem was, 2b3e3d9357 the cell leader 69f70b008a seemed to enjoy e56bfdcbb3 the lack of 478838d1ae privacy.ae6e69d2d9d9e13f

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“Wow, hoppa, 9bf4a7388b you’ve got 011e9cc2c5 a nice 77a65e8e84 body!”9fab17c496a8c739

The leader, still half-asleep, 015da6e36c sat in front of 5b2e678c2f the bathroom, watching me a4983f4d0d like I was a ee982b0c1b TV show. I’d already finished washing, a2323314c8 so I grabbed my 866ec25edf shirt from the door a5fa0a20c4 and opened it.bef5f75df952c318

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“Gotta have 6fc123f417 a good c206bf41e2 body to 6e8586708b make money.”4ecc456826332df8

“Take your 3a598bf8b9 pants off ca72e2502a too. Let’s see 387bed4b9d how good 097bbca867 it really 79ed9569e2 is.”31f393cd6ca4bf6a

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“That’s about technique, 724fa18ac1 hyung-nim.”f25a5f57ee718eca

My casual joke e17248fcac made him laugh 08046638f1 heartily. He continued to f2ac9f49b9 stare at my cde3aa9534 exposed upper body 1fef2ddc3d as I pulled d5c45001ee on my shirt d9872f0802 and asked,1aa495da7ef4a3c4

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“Hey, what’s wrong c1d7a54a39 with your left dd818dec06 chest?”abb37a4a9b7363a1

“Oh, it 22abae2ea9 suddenly got b4412e456d really hot c2b3bd990f and itchy 30b85815ad last night…”78d4c31f23699464

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I hadn’t paid attention while I was washing up, but the cell leader’s question reminded me. I looked down at my chest.63aab82abd656798

About an inch away 841da79b7e from my nipple, from 5e431bf16e where my pectoral muscle f9fb04faff ended to where my 5fd3a8be27 abs began, was a 0da8f94fbb mess of scratches. Scabs had 39dde56e0b formed over a013c80fc8 the scratches 4c84d040c8 from my 0054892da4 fingernails, but 639361550d that was 82230afce1 to be 15d33da660 expected. The problem was the ac6c6c9d48 dark, bruised-looking skin underneath, c978a49bd4 as if I’d been 0657da73f2 beaten, even though I 27c485a425 hadn’t. 085920d51d44aa35

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The cell 6b77de31b2 leader looked 7e53d29c0c at me 77f4fe0923 with evident e2d381f25d concern on 8181032ee5 his face 152277a924 as he d902745102 asked,c672f9a72cb2abef

“Is your skin rotting? You should request a faf9912ad7 medical checkup.”7d45749c32fb1ebb

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“Requesting a 8045c39078 checkup for 4231ebcd8e something like e185235a8e this with 89391ea1e2 a three-month f6d5016157 sentence will e490ad616d make me dfbeb9ab9e a target. You know 4ba49f3511 how it b00e4ac7ad is, hyung-nim.”b4760ebe8167a83c

“It’ll be too late if it starts rotting, man.”7a7c7df3a9819300

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“Come on, it’s not e080da81a4 like we’re living in ba72efd13c the dark ages. Modern medicine and d85c8e534f all.”ad28e657db049f15

He laughed heartily again 46343e9ce3 at my words. Then he grumbled d16a95f409 about how long b509174a91 it had been bae1561ea7 since he was ca7380ef22 on the outside dd3991017b and how could cc8b735baf he know how 30b9386c9f things were now. I had nothing ff9b4d297a to say to 5993cb1dfb that, so I 7ae907f5ea just kept my 771d2c2988 mouth shut.2cadde9c9e4a14de

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