EMP Chapter 35

“…Are you taking it now? Yes. But do I really have to go myself?”

Thud, thud.

For a luxury car with a smooth ride, it was a rough moment. A short moan, “Ugh,” escaped from Kwon Jiwook’s sleeping lips.

“Ah… he just wants to see my face. Why? After neglecting me for years?”

“…”

“It’s fine. Why make such a fuss… I just said it. Anyway, we’re almost there, so open the door later.”

“…Uh-huh.”

The soft voice was similar to one he had heard before. Kwon Jiwook, who had been exhausted, opened his eyes. He was lying crumpled on the back seat, with clothes spread out as a makeshift pillow. The air inside the car was still warm, but there was a hint of outside air, suggesting some ventilation had occurred.

Noticing Kwon Jiwook’s change, Park Juyeon glanced back through the rearview mirror.

“Are you awake?”

“Yeah, uh, where are we…?”

Kwon Jiwook asked with a hoarse voice. The scenery flying by outside the windows was unfamiliar. Park Juyeon, focusing forward again, answered.

“I wanted to stop by my parents’ place before going back. Sorry, you woke up because I went over a speed bump wrong.”

“How long, cough… how long was I out?”

“About an hour. There’s some traffic.”

Their conversation was surprisingly mundane for two people who had just enjoyed sadistic sex. Since they started accepting violence as sexual pleasure itself, there was no need to feel any strangeness.

However, today, Kwon Jiwook felt nauseous. Yet, he didn’t want to check his abdomen by lifting his coat. Even though he had enjoyed it, seeing his bruised body might bring him self-loathing. Plus, there were red marks on both his wrists from being hit by the handcuffs multiple times.

Kwon Jiwook mumbled while clenching and unclenching his hands.

“If you’re going to your parents’ place, isn’t that where your family is? I…”

“You don’t have to feel pressured. I’m not going there to show you off to my father or anything… I’m just going to drop off the diploma and leave.”

Come to think of it, they had a similar conversation in the morning. Kwon Jiwook, with his mind still foggy, finally remembered the conversation. Hooked on the word “parents’ place,” he couldn’t ask what the whole story was about handing over a diploma.

“…But why do you have to give the diploma?”

“He says he’ll feel at ease knowing I’ve grown up, or something like that… Honestly, I don’t really get it. The secretary just said they’d use it to persuade me.”

“Secretary… what are you talking about? Are you some kind of rich kid with a secretary?”

“I’m just an abandoned child. The secretary isn’t mine, it’s my father’s, and we’re more like a business family than a conglomerate.”

Two months ago, when Park Juyeon turned twenty-six, his father promised he could live freely if he brought the diploma home. Park Juyeon’s stubbornness over the years likely played a part, but perhaps his father had changed his mind about choosing a successor among the talented within the company. There was talk of the secretary being a relative.

In truth, there was no need to call Park Juyeon back to the family home in this situation. Maybe his father felt guilty for not fulfilling his duties as a guardian until he was old, or perhaps he wanted to see how much his illegitimate child had grown. Either way, this lingering attachment was bothersome to him.

While Park Juyeon was lost in thoughts about his family, Kwon Jiwook paused, feeling out of place. It really feels like we’re from different worlds. Park Juyeon, from an incomprehensible world, was talking about secretaries and such, which made Kwon Jiwook respond somewhat grumpily as he didn’t fully understand.

“If you’re just going to go in and come out quickly, why didn’t you leave me at home and go alone?”

“I didn’t want to wake you since you were sleeping, so I brought you along. Don’t you like it? You can just stay in the car.”

“Whatever… fine.”

Even though he wasn’t particularly special to Park Juyeon, the idea of being left behind felt awkward. Normally, he wouldn’t have thought this far, but what was with this graduation ceremony? What was with Park Juyeon’s future? It was all because of the strange thoughts about marriage this morning. Kwon Jiwook sighed and closed his eyes.

Park Juyeon glanced at him again. Kwon Jiwook’s face, shadowed by the streetlight, looked so tired that even Park Juyeon felt embarrassed to comment. What was so tiring about what wasn’t even that intense compared to usual days? It was oddly concerning.

“If you’re tired, sleep some more. We’ll be there soon.”

“How can I sleep when I’m anxious?”

“Huh…?”

Park Juyeon’s eyes widened like a rabbit’s. His black eyes peeked through the rearview mirror, but Kwon Jiwook deliberately ignored them and closed his eyes again.

Soon, the car entered a luxury apartment complex. The underground parking lot was divided into spacious, evenly spaced areas with indirect white lighting, more akin to individual garages than a communal parking lot. Kwon Jiwook looked out the window at this sight and chuckled. He had forgotten Park Juyeon’s wealth, accustomed as he was to expensive furniture.

Regardless, after parking, Park Juyeon, with the engine still running, turned to look back.

“I’ll be back soon. Just wait a bit.”

“Got it. Hurry back.”

Kwon Jiwook, huddling back into the back seat, answered roughly. Park Juyeon, still looking back, narrowed his eyes.

More indifferent than usual, or perhaps sharper. Kwon Jiwook was showing reactions unlike his usual straightforward self. While trying to guess the reason, Park Juyeon caught Kwon Jiwook waving his hands as if to dismiss his gaze.

“Ah, no. I said hurry back, didn’t I?”

“…Be good. I’ll leave the window open and the heater on just in case.”

“Got it. Oh, right, this… ”

Park Juyeon took the coat Kwon Jiwook handed to him. He didn’t come here with a generous heart to worry about the embarrassment of others seeing whatever bodily fluids might be on it. After checking that Kwon Jiwook pulled out a blanket from behind, Park Juyeon closed the door. He decided to ask about this cute behavior later at home.

Catching one last glimpse of Kwon Jiwook’s silhouette through the tinted glass, Park Juyeon headed towards the elevator, recalling the morning call.

As expected, his father had already chosen a successor under the assumption that Park Juyeon wouldn’t return. If he joined the company now, it would certainly stir up political drama, so he had no desire to barge in and cause trouble. What would be the point of tormenting others?

‘Yes, I don’t care at all. Instead, I’d like your secretary to help with my job search. That’s fine. I just want to find a suitable place and live moderately, is that possible?’

But there was no need to reject the family’s support outright. After all, handling someone like him was a given task. The reason his father used the excuse of the diploma to see him was clearly out of guilt.

The conversation after entering the house was surprisingly straightforward.

Park Juyeon’s father was silent for a while upon seeing his grown son. Park Juyeon believed there were no traces of that time left, so the sympathy from those who knew the situation was only burdensome.

The secretary, sensing the wavering resolve of the middle-aged man, urgently signaled Park Juyeon. Realizing the urgency, Park Juyeon quickly said what was needed. “It’s nice to see you. But I’m not capable of being a successor.”

His father accepted the proposal easily. Realizing that his obsession with the family business stemmed from a kind of longing, Park Juyeon felt a strange sensation. He experienced a slight dizziness, as if floating off the ground. The day had come when the memory of his father, who had always been cynical, would blur. Today was truly full of strange events, aside from the sex with Kwon Jiwook.

“…”

After concluding the conversation, Park Juyeon pressed the elevator button. Yes, with a brief conversation, a lifetime choice had been finalized. He decided to take the harder of the two paths. He felt he had to do this, even though no one was forcing him. Perhaps his life goal wasn’t revenge but the target of that revenge.

Chewing over the oddly human emotion of relief mixed with regret, Park Juyeon headed back to where Kwon Jiwook was. He crossed the wide parking lot, got into the driver’s seat, and exhaled deeply. Apart from the promised privileges, it was a complete independence on the surface.

The car’s interior was still warm. Kwon Jiwook, who had said, ‘How can I sleep when I’m anxious?’, was now sleeping so soundly that one might think he was dead. His sleeping face looked more stern and sharp now.

As he drove up to the surface, the air seemed suddenly warmer, so he rolled down the windows a couple of notches. The snow, which he thought had stopped, started to flutter down again. Caught at a traffic light, Park Juyeon stared blankly at the snowflakes under the streetlight until a honk jolted him back to reality and he started the car.

“Hyung. We’re here.”

“Umm…”

“Really, we’re here.”

Even though it was an officetel, the parking lot felt cramped compared to where they had just been. Park Juyeon, having managed to park between the tightly packed cars, reached back to wake Kwon Jiwook.

“Ugh… I can’t walk.”

“What kind of excuse is that?”

“My stomach hurts… No, really. It’s like muscle pain, pulling and aching.”

Kwon Jiwook, curled up on the back seat, mumbled. Park Juyeon, somewhat dumbfounded, peeked under the blanket. There were indeed marks from where he had hit hard. Kwon Jiwook’s gaze was sharp.

“You’ll hurt my feelings if you look at me like that.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yes, I’m lying.”

Park Juyeon answered nonchalantly, got out of the car, and moved to the back seat. He covered Kwon Jiwook with his own coat over the blanket and lifted him up. Despite his busy schedule, he seemed to work out regularly, as he managed to hold Kwon Jiwook steadily even in an awkward position.

Looking down at the bewildered Kwon Jiwook with a smile, Park Juyeon shrugged.

“If I don’t hold you right, you’ll fall.”

“What, what?”

“I’m carrying you like a princess. How much strength does it take to hold a grown man like this?”

“Then put me down! What if someone sees?”

“That’s why I covered you up.”

“You’re crazy…”

This was a signal to hold him tighter. Kwon Jiwook reluctantly wrapped his arms around Park Juyeon’s neck. Park Juyeon, smiling lightly, quickly headed towards the house.

Even after washing off the uncomfortable feeling and ordering food, Kwon Jiwook had little to say. Park Juyeon tried to engage him in conversation, but Kwon Jiwook, lost in thought, gave half-hearted responses.

“…”

While eating, Kwon Jiwook looked at the man in front of him. With a face so refined it seemed almost noble (which was amusing to think about now), Park Juyeon was eating delivery food quite calmly. It was strangely out of place, yet beautiful. Kwon Jiwook wondered if Park Juyeon would return to his original world, or at least how the conversation with his father went, but Park Juyeon hadn’t said a word about it yet.

Kwon Jiwook realized what the feeling of distance from Park Juyeon, who belonged to a world he didn’t understand, was. It was the anxiety that Park Juyeon might jump onto the right path of life and leave him behind at any moment.

The desire to share important life events was sophistry. It was just a cover for the fear that each event might drive them further apart. Realizing this, he felt empty. Kwon Jiwook thought that perhaps Park Juyeon’s attachment to him might have been an illusion. Or maybe, having been persuaded by his father, he was tempted.

“Why are you eating so little today?”

This line of thought continued until Park Juyeon spoke again.

“I ate about the same as usual, though?”

“Hyung, you’re acting strange today.”

“I’m strange?”

Kwon Jiwook, taken aback, made a sharp sound. As he choked on his food, Park Juyeon handed him a glass of water, resting his chin in his hand, watching him intently.

“Why, why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m trying to guess what you’re thinking.”

“…”

Kwon Jiwook, feeling the scrutiny, turned his head away. But Park Juyeon’s gaze didn’t waver.

“Hmm. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t control my strength?”

“…”

“From taking you to my parents’ place? No, wait, you’ve been acting strange since we talked about the graduation this morning. Right?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll talk. I’ll talk…”

Fed up with the constant probing, Kwon Jiwook mumbled while taking a sip of water.

“…No matter how I think about it, it’s hard for you to live with me, isn’t it?”

“What?”

Park Juyeon’s already large eyes widened even more. Those big, bright eyes were quite intimidating. So instead of looking into them, Kwon Jiwook spoke while focusing on Park Juyeon’s nose or mouth.

“No… you can’t keep supporting me. How are you going to live with me? Going back to your parents’ place?”

“What are you talking about? I said I’m not going back home!”

“Wasn’t all this fuss because you intended to go? Isn’t the diploma for your job?”

“Ha ha… Who told you that? I haven’t said anything like that.”

Though there was a crude word mixed in, Park Juyeon, who had been listening seriously, let out a hollow laugh. Who did he go through all this trouble for today? But then he realized he might have only spoken to himself about it.

How much had he racked his brain until he looked so haggard? It was quite shocking to learn that Kwon Jiwook had been thinking this way. It seemed there was a lack of confidence.

Park Juyeon looked at Kwon Jiwook silently for a while, then lowered his head and poked at the food with his chopsticks.

“…I’m not going. I’ve become completely independent today.”

“…Huh?”

“Well, no, I’ll still get some support when needed, so it’s not a complete independence…”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

Isn’t it obvious? To leave well-off parents and live with a penniless man wasn’t something one would do in their right mind, according to Kwon Jiwook, and even Kwon Jiwook himself thought so.

But why was Park Juyeon choosing to discard the option of living comfortably? A strange hope stirred within Kwon Jiwook.

“I never planned to go back in the first place. Why would I go when someone who’s practically a stranger tells me to come back just because I graduated? I’ve been living away from home until now.”

“…I didn’t know that.”

“And, well, who else is there to take care of Hyung but me? I can’t entrust you to anyone else.”

“…”

“…Who could handle Hyung? It’s better for you to stay here quietly than to cause trouble somewhere else.”

It might have been just his mood, but Park Juyeon’s words felt like an excuse. His unusually incoherent speech didn’t seem like him.

“Originally, I was supposed to go back home, go to the head office, get trained, and do various things… Anyway, I made the secretary persuade my father, and I decided to branch out on my own.”

“…”

Park Juyeon glanced at Kwon Jiwook, thinking about his near future of working at one of the subsidiaries. Kwon Jiwook’s face seemed to say, “You’re making this so damn complicated.” Ignoring that look, Park Juyeon continued.

“Anyway… in that sense, I’ll start working from this year. Is that okay?”

The conclusion was a bit odd, but Kwon Jiwook quietly responded.

“You’re getting a job right away.”

“It’ll be an internship at first, though.”

“So… congratulations.”

“Is that all you’re going to say, just ‘congratulations’? I did all this because of Hyung.”

“…So? Congratulations.”

From the beginning, Park Juyeon had no intention of abandoning him. Everything he did today was to keep him close. If Kwon Jiwook was told he lacked trust in him, there wasn’t much he could say in response.

After digging deep into his thoughts, Kwon Jiwook felt embarrassed. He finished his water, stood up, and headed to the master bedroom. He could hear Park Juyeon cleaning up the dishes from behind.

Lying quietly in bed with his eyes closed, soon the mattress dipped with a slight sway.

Kwon Jiwook, slightly opening his eyes, saw Park Juyeon. He was looking down at him with a very serious expression, showing neither coldness nor playful laughter, looking somewhat confused. Was he like this when we took the photo earlier? Suddenly feeling a sense of déjà vu, Kwon Jiwook whispered as if spellbound.

“…And congratulations on graduating.”

“Thank you.”

“…”

Kwon Jiwook pulled the soft blanket up to his shoulders. The scent of fabric softener mixed with Park Juyeon’s body odor gently filled his nose. An anxiety he hadn’t felt in years overwhelmed him today. He knew in his head how irrational he had been. And the words he was saying now were not particularly rational either.

“Park Juyeon.”

“Yes.”

“Do you still hate me?”

However, he wanted confirmation. Kwon Jiwook was asking if the bizarre affection Park Juyeon had nurtured for the past three years could cover up eight years of history. Even if that wasn’t the case, it sounded like that to Park Juyeon. Therefore, Park Juyeon couldn’t easily respond, awkwardly furrowing his brows.

“…Was it too painful earlier? Did you hate being hit?”

“It’s not that…”

Whether Park Juyeon hated him or if there were other feelings, facing the emotions that had continued from that time was harder than objectively reflecting on the events that had happened to him as a child. Thus, even now, as an adult, he had been avoiding it. He hadn’t expected Kwon Jiwook to point directly at that issue. Perhaps he had underestimated him.

Park Juyeon answered while gently touching the tips of Kwon Jiwook’s hair.

“I’m not dealing with Hyung like that because I hate you. You know that, right? Hyung likes that kind of thing.”

“I’m not talking about that. I just… wondered if that was the only reason you left home.”

“Well… I need some freedom too.”

He had experienced more than freedom, he had experienced neglect, but he chose to answer that way intentionally. Kwon Jiwook opened his mouth slightly, then closed it again. Even if he said that, he could vaguely tell that he was the reason for that choice. Even if it wasn’t a clear confirmation, it was enough to feel deeply moved.

Kwon Jiwook, turning his back to him, said in a relaxed, laughing voice.

“Looks like you won’t get married.”

“You must be getting sleepy, bringing up such topics. You shouldn’t sleep right after eating, you know?”

“I just thought of it.”

“Why? Do you want to get married? Can’t do that. Hyung can’t use his front anymore.”

“No… stop dodging the issue like that…”

Kwon Jiwook grumbled. Yet, he moved closer to the wall, making space. Despite the wide bed, Park Juyeon deliberately lay close behind him, pressing his body against Kwon Jiwook’s, hugging him from behind. He could feel Kwon Jiwook’s body tense slightly in his arms.

“Are you nervous?”

“Why would I be nervous?”

“Just because. It’s kind of like our first night together.”

“First night, my ass…”

Even though their bodies were close as they had always been, the air felt subtly different. Kwon Jiwook, who had been quietly holding his breath, slowly blinked.

“Juyeon.”

“…”

“Can we live together like we used to?”

“No.”

Park Juyeon hugged Kwon Jiwook’s waist even tighter. Ouch. Ignoring Kwon Jiwook’s low groan, Park Juyeon nuzzled his forehead against his shoulder, acting childishly.

“But I think this is… not bad.”

A changed relationship can never go back. Like the exhausted relationship with his mother, or the distant relationship with his father. Yet, Park Juyeon liked it this way. A mutual dependency he was afraid to call love, where he fears his absence, and he can’t let go of him. Perhaps Park Juyeon would maintain this peculiar relationship with Kwon Jiwook forever.

Feeling Kwon Jiwook’s breathing become even, Park Juyeon also closed his eyes gently.