DWWWB Ch 2 part 4
by AnonAnemone“Wow. It’s spring.”
The world I met after two weeks of being holed up at home was full of light greens, and the wind was filled with warmth.
“So it is.”
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My brother muttered with a sigh. I quickly turned my gaze from the passenger window to the driver’s seat. My brother’s jaw was stiff as he stared at the road.
“There must be something going on with you, too, Oppa.”
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When he laughed silently, I knew it was true.
“Are you using me as an excuse to skip out on work?”
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I asked playfully.
“Yeah.”
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My brother answered meekly without giving any rebuttal.
“Why?”
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“Similar reason to yours.”
Spring was in full swing, but the two siblings carried wounds of heartbreak. It was quite sad.
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“You’ve been dating your girlfriend for a long time.”
I thought my brother was definitely going to marry that girlfriend.
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“She told me I was a bad person. So I guess I wanted to be nice to you and confirm that I was a good person.”
Although he said it with a smile, sorrow dripped from his voice.
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“Over here, right?”
The car came to a slow stop in front of the Social Sciences Building. My brother graduated from this school early last fall and got a job before graduation, so he settled down earlier than others. He was such a good and talented brother. Now that I got a closer look at him, I could see that his shoulders were slumped.
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“Thank you, Oppa. Are you going to work now?”
“No, I’m skipping work today.”
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“Don’t drink too much liquor.”
I urged while holding the passenger door handle.
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“I won’t drink liquor.”
“And don’t smoke too much either.”
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“Okay.”
As soon as I grabbed my backpack and got out of the car, my brother motioned for me to hurry up and go to class. I closed the passenger door and shouted at him to go watch a movie. My feet were heavy as I turned around. When I was young, I was upset because my brother wouldn’t play with me. When I was a teenager, I would talk back to him, and as I got older, it became a daily routine for us to treat each other like we were annoyed with each other.
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They say that once you get on track with your own life, the love between siblings can no longer be felt.
I understood why my brother knocked on my door. He was worried about me. I thought about my situation, and I understood what my brother was feeling. I felt his pain, and I found comfort in that.
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“Milhee!”
“Yeah!”
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My brother got out of the car and rushed over to me.
“Pocket money.”
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I flashed a faint smile as he generously handed me four 50,000 won bills1. He must have felt a bit embarrassed because he hurriedly ran back to his car as soon as he shoved the money into my hand.
“Oppa!”
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I called out to my brother as he was about to get into the driver’s seat. He stuck his head out of the door and looked at me.
“Oppa, I really like you. You’re a really good person.”
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“I’ll see you later.”
My heart felt a lot better when I saw him smiling happily as he got into the car. I turned around and stuffed the money my brother had given me into the pocket of my windbreaker.
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My melting heart suddenly froze. Gong Mujin was glaring at me with scary eyes. His cold gaze scanned me from head to toe. His eyes paused once on my wet hair, once on the money I put in my pocket, and then on the bright red taillight of my brother’s car.
“Who is he?”
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“His normally pleasant voice was cracked and sounded eerie. I looked at him without giving him an answer. He wasn’t wearing a black tracksuit. He was wearing jeans and a white sweatshirt, and he looked like a completely different person. I was still wearing my black canvas shoes.
I guess I can’t just be indifferent. My heart ached and I couldn’t breathe.
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“I said who is he?”
Gong Mujin had no right to ask me that. And I don’t know what kind of misunderstanding he may have had, but he had no right to be angry with me.
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“An oppa I know.”
It wasn’t a lie. But it was enough of a truth to effectively upset him. He drew in a deep breath and seemed to be getting more and more angry. His great sense of justice and high moral consciousness seemed to keep him from understanding this current situation.
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Wet hair as if I just got out of the shower. Money I received from a man.
It was an unpleasant misunderstanding, but I didn’t want to clear it up because I was annoyed at Gong Mujin for making that misunderstanding in the first place. And I also knew that Gong Mujin wasn’t the type of person to go around school making a fuss about such a misunderstanding.
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You can be angry by yourself for all I care.
Even as I thought this, my heart pounded. I nodded once in greeting and passed Gong Mujin. That is… until he grabbed my backpack.
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“Why are you doing this?”
“What did you just receive from that guy?”
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He asked, breathing heavily.
“This?”
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I pulled out the money from my pocket and showed him.
“It’s pocket money.”
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“What?”
He frowned.
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“Why would an oppa you know give you pocket money?”
“I comforted him a bit.”
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I hesitated even as I said these words because it seemed like I was taking this too far.
“You… comforted a man… and received pocket money?”
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He lowered his voice so that no one else would hear.
“I thought we agreed to act like we didn’t know each other.”
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I slapped his hand away from my backpack and turned around.
Why did I do that?
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It’s too late to regret it now. Explaining that he’s my real brother, asking if he’s going to class, explaining why I haven’t been to class for two weeks…
It was impossible to have a normal conversation. If I talked, I’d feel weak again, and I would be dragged around by Gong Mujin. I felt like my heart would start wavering. It was obvious that I would fall head over heels again.
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I would rather let go of my feelings like this. If Gong Mujin misunderstood me and began ignoring me completely, I think my heart would finally be able to let go. I am not only naive but also selfish. Of course, I can also be more selfish than naive. However, Gong Mujin was also selfish. If he didn’t have any feelings for me, he shouldn’t have been this angry no matter what I did.
The only one who could pull my heart back together was myself.
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Unexpectedly, the person waiting for me in front of the classroom door after class was Heesu.
“Hey, Oh Milhee.”
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Heesu crossed her arms and made a sad face.
“You didn’t answer my calls. You ignored all my messages.”
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“Sorry.”
“Were you sick? You’re already on the thin side, but you lost even more weight.”
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Heesu’s face showed genuine concern as she examined my complexion.
“I think I came down with a cold.”
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“I heard that body aches and colds are trending these days.”
Heesu looked like she had something to say.
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“Is there anything you want to say to me?”
“You know, I’m not good at beating around the bush or anything like that.”
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I smiled faintly knowing full well that Heesu had that kind of personality.
“What happened between you and Gong Mujin?”
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I don’t know why that name popped up here. My heart sank for a moment. My heart pounded because I wondered if Heesu had been told about the fight we just had in front of the sociology building earlier. If a strange rumor had spread, how could I handle something like that? The worries swiftly filled my head.
“No.”
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I awkwardly shook my head.
“Gong Mujin called me several times. He said that he couldn’t reach you. You weren’t even coming to class, so he wanted to know what was going on.”
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“I see. He must have called because we did the project together. I’ll try contacting him later.”
I was going to end it like this.
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“Hey, Oh Milhee.”
Heesu blurted out my name as if she were upset.
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“What…”
“Even though I gave you all those hints…”
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“What hint?”
Heesu linked her arm with mine and pushed me into an empty classroom.
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“Gong Mujin likes you.”
The four words dug into my ribs and squeezed my heart, causing it to ache. I looked up at the ceiling because I felt so suffocated right now. A sigh escaped my lips.
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“No, he doesn’t.”
“Of course he does. He even changed his schedule to take a class with you.”
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“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
My heart pounded uncomfortably.
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“Understanding Contemporary Theater. Just because you were taking it, Gong Mujin changed his schedule.”
“How do you know that?”
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Heesu bit her lower lip. Then she released it and muttered as if she were talking to herself.
“Ah, shit. He told me not to tell you. Gong Mujin is going to kill me.”
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“You’re already telling me. So just say it.”
“Gong Mujin and I are cousins.”
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Even though she was only saying the two of them were related, I suddenly felt as if I were naked. I remembered sharing my schedule with Heesu during the registration period. My head was spinning just thinking about how much Heesu had told him about me.
“You know my hometown is Daejeon, right? I’m currently staying at Gong Mujin’s house. But he’s been eating me alive because he couldn’t get in touch with you.”
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I scoffed in disbelief. I was at a loss as to how to react to this.
“You know, Heesu…”
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“Yeah?”
“Your cousin’s personality is really weird.”
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“Gong Mujin is nice. He’s not weird.”
The breath got caught at my throat again. I barely managed to exhale by lowering my shoulders and continued.
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“It’s a bit humiliating to say this, and I told him I wouldn’t tell you… Actually, I confessed to Gong Mujin and got rejected.”
Heesu blinked her wide eyes. We remained silent and looked away.
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“He doesn’t like me, he just… I guess he was worried because I haven’t come to school since that day.”
“Gong Mujin isn’t the type of person to worry about just anyone!”
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It was also pitiful to see Heesu come to her cousin’s defense without reading in between the lines.
“You said your cousin was nice.”
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Heesu quickly shook her head and refuted my remark.
“There’s a difference between being that and being nice. No matter how nice he was, he’s never shown this much interest in someone he’s rejected before. And it’s true that he changed his schedule so that he could take a class with you. He said he’d take a class with you and… It looked like Oppa had regained his energy like in the past, so it was nice to see.”
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“I really… I don’t know what any of that means.”
“The club association meeting wasn’t the first time he saw you. He saw you hanging out with me a few times before that.”
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It was a useless story now. If I had heard this before I’d confessed, it would have kept me up all night.
“So since your cousin seems to have regained his energy, you want me to continue hanging out with him?”
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“No, not that. I thought you two were doing well. I thought that you were both dating and that you guys had a small fight or something.”
The man who had passed by, the taxi driver, my brother, Heesu… Everyone seemed to mistakenly think that we had some kind of special relationship. I thought we were special, too. But Gong Mujin apologized and said no. So it’s all useless.
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“Why did you think that? Even though that wasn’t the case…”
But I was still curious.
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“I already told you. Oppa doesn’t have any close friends that are girls. But he took a class with you. And even if it was for a project, he went to see a play with you. He keeps asking me questions about you. Do you know what his face looks like when I talk about you?”
“What is it like?”
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“If I’m being honest, Oppa is a very sensitive person. He has a bit of an obsession with the need to succeed… That’s why he’s never dated. He’s only studied and exercised. But whenever I talk about you, he becomes gentler. You don’t even know how cold he can be to someone else, do you?”
I laughed weakly.
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“So what did you tell him about me? And just how much did you say?”
“I didn’t say much. I said you liked warm lattes. That you tend to eat less than average. That kind of stuff.”
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I remembered the two cups of lattes he brought to class. I was curious, and I wanted to hear more, but I needed to stop listening here.
“Don’t talk about me anymore, Heesu. Mujin-sunbae doesn’t like me. When I told him I did, he said he was sorry. Let’s just end this conversation here.”
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Heesu nodded.
“And could you please give this book to Sunbae? I borrowed it.”
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My fingertips trembled as I held out ‘Death of a Salesman’. I considered using this book as an excuse to talk to him when I felt like I was about to lose my mind… At least, that’s what I thought when I was on my way to school. But an unexpected misunderstanding had deepened, and it was now irreversible.
* * *
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I went into the classroom late on purpose. The professor was just about to call attendance when I opened the classroom door. As I quickly scanned the room, I saw his face as he sat in what seemed to be the back row.
Even after what happened two weeks ago, his handsome face still showed a hint of joy when he discovered my arrival. He seemed to think that I would naturally go to my seat. Instead, I quickly sat down in an empty seat in the front row, disappointing his expectations.
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The play we were going to learn about today was Anton Chekhov’s ‘The Seagull’. The scene where Nina, a woman who wanted to succeed as an actress, chose the old novelist Trigorin and left the male protagonist Treplev made my heart ache. Treplev, who loved Nina, still loved her even after she left.
When Nina, who had been away, returned for a brief time, she told Treplev that the ability to endure life was more important than shining fame.
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“Anton Chekhov’s The Seagull is a tragedy. The characters have different beliefs. Nina’s belief in success is correct, and Treplev’s belief in love is correct. The conflict that arises from the clash of these two things, none of which can be considered wrong, is what makes this a tragedy.”
My relationship with Gong Mujin is also a tragedy. I don’t know the full story, but I can’t blame Gong Mujin for not dating because of his obsessions with success. And my belief in protecting myself from a man who makes my heart waver should be respected.
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When beliefs that absolutely cannot coexist collide, it is bound to be a tragedy. And why do all the main characters die? With this thought, my mood sank at the end of class. I quickly grabbed my backpack and left the classroom before the professor even left.
I walked alone in the schoolyard where spring was in full swing. As Nina said, I had to endure the cruel spring.
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“Milhee.”
My tragedy must not be over yet because I heard his voice behind me. I slowly stopped walking. He stood in front of me in no time.
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“Let me talk to you for a minute.”
“Who are you?”
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I asked him with a straight face. Behind him, the refreshing green grass spread out across the lawn. The scent of his cologne was still fresh, and he was back in his black tracksuit.
“Why didn’t you come to school? Were you sick? You weren’t answering your phone either.”
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His lower jaw was shaking. I didn’t know how to deal with him. He got angry at me and my brother, and now he was saying something totally different. I wanted to avoid him.
“Goodbye.”
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I tried to walk away, but he quickly stepped forward and blocked my path. I felt my patience slowly drain away.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
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“I don’t have anything to tell you. Not anymore.”
“Please, listen. I’m begging you.”
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I need to hold on. I can’t get swept away here… But his pleading voice created a crack in my defenses.
“Fine.”
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“Not here. Let’s eat something first.”
Before I confessed to him, he rejected my request to eat together because he said he didn’t have the time. But now he was asking to eat with me first.
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“I don’t want to. Let’s talk here.”
“Your complexion… You look like you’re about to collapse.”
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He let out a sigh and continued speaking.
“Stop making me worry. Okay?”
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I glared at him. I wanted to ask him when I had ever asked him to worry about me, but the sharp edges of my heart grew numb when I saw his pale face.
“Okay, fine. Let’s grab something to eat.”
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He nodded and let out a noticeable sigh. I didn’t want to go too far. I didn’t want to leave any trace of being with him outside of school, so I wanted to go to the cafeteria. But he insisted on taking me to a restaurant off campus.
I was barely eating. After managing to empty half of my bowl of rice, I put my spoon down. He stared blankly at the rice bowl in front of me.
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“Are you finished eating?”
“I’m having a hard time digesting.”
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He grabbed the restaurant owner who was passing by.
“Auntie, can you bring us some steamed eggs? Don’t put any green onions or anything like that. Just the eggs, please.”
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Perhaps this was a restaurant he frequented because the auntie really nodded at his request. When the steamed egg came out, he took my rice bowl and mixed the steamed egg and the rice onto a clean plate.
“Just eat three more spoonfuls of this.”
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When I hesitated and didn’t say anything, he asked me a question in a soft voice.
“Should I feed you?”
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I laughed in disbelief. I shook my head and picked up my spoon. I ate three more spoonfuls as he asked.
“Now tell me.”
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He had finished eating a long time ago.
“Let’s go out somewhere first.”
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He got up from his seat as if feeding me had been his main objective all along.
See? This is how you get swept away.
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When we left the restaurant, the sky was already dark. We walked for a while in silence. My legs began to hurt, and I felt suffocated. But on the other hand, I had this stupid thought that it was nice to walk like this. It felt strangely good to walk side by side as if nothing had happened.
So this is how much I like Gong Mujin.
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I realized again how big of a space Gong Mujin had occupied in my heart. His steps gradually slowed down.
“Do you want to go here for a moment?”
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I turned my head and followed his cautious voice. It was a small playground. The playground was quiet and deserted since it was dark. I nodded quietly.
We entered the playground and walked to a pavilion that was covered by wisteria trees. Lavender buds were beginning to burst on its branches.
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We sat side by side on the benches that were placed on all four sides of the pavilion. There was only a hand’s width of distance between my thighs and his.
“Milhee, you see…”
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My heart started pounding. He opened his mouth as if he was going to wake up from this short walk that felt like a dream. I answered him as if encouraging him when he hesitated.
“Yes, go ahead.”
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One part of me wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible, but another part of me wanted the exact opposite.
“I… As you know, sports is my job. And it’s a sport that requires me to travel abroad a lot. Once the competitive season starts, I have to go abroad for over a month, and the same goes when I’m training. I might not have much time to stay in Korea. If I want to do well, that’s how it needs to be.”
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He was an athlete who had no experience in international competitions yet. It meant that he was working towards that goal.
“But it drove me crazy. You disappeared from my sight, and I couldn’t contact you…”
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His gaze fell on my cheek. I turned my head towards him as if I were entranced.
“It might be difficult to get in touch with me. Once I start preparing for a race, there will be many days when we won’t be able to see each other.”
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My heart was beating uncontrollably fast. He was clenching his fists as if he were nervous. His large shoulders seemed to be shaking slightly. His solid body looked fragile. His low, soulful voice rang out cautiously.
“There will definitely be times when I hurt you… But even knowing all this, is your confession still valid?”
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Tears began to well up and sting my eyes. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn’t speak.
“If it’s not valid anymore…”
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The corners of his mouth twitched as he spoke. His eyes looked slightly wet.
“I’ll confess.”
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My boiling throat closed up.
“It’s valid.”
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“Haa.”
He sighed and looked up at a maple tree.
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“I… I really…”
His large hand grabbed my shoulder, and he hugged me. I thought he had a strong and large body, but I didn’t know he could pull me so deeply into an embrace like this. His rapid breaths touched the back of my neck. A large hand clenched around my shoulder. He hugged me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe.
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“Do you know how worried I was?”
I was intoxicated by the fragrant, gentle scent of tangerines, and my mind grew dizzy.
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“Just promise me one thing.”
I nodded, holding onto his thick forearm.
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“Can you stop seeing that guy you call ‘Oppa’?”
Sorrow dripped from his hesitant question. He hugged me tighter. As if he was having a difficult time suppressing his emotions now that it had burst out, his hand that was caressing my shoulder trembled affectionately.
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“That person… He’s not just some oppa I know.”
His body grew tense.
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“He’s my oppa.”
“What?”
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He lifted his face from where it was buried in the crook of my neck and looked at me with confused eyes.
“He’s my older brother. He knew I wasn’t going to school and that I was just staying home, so he dragged me out.”
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“You said… he was an oppa you knew.”
“He is an oppa I know.”
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“You should have told me he was your older brother!”
He cried out as if he’d been wronged.
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“If I did that, Sunbae would have… grown less attached to me…”
When I thought about it, it made me so sad that I burst into tears.
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“I thought you would start ignoring me.”
“Aaah!”
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He let go of me and bent down, covering his head with both hands. Burying his face between his knees, he yelled out.
“I didn’t know that and… You… Aagh…”
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He suddenly lifted his head and asked.
“Then that money was some pocket money your oppa gave you?”
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“I told you it was pocket money.”
“Aagh, how could you let me misunderstand something like that!”
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He glared at me as if he were angry.
“You made me feel even sadder, Sunbae. And it’s your fault for misunderstanding. I merely told you that he was an oppa I knew. That it was pocket money…”
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He was angry, but he seemed happy that the misunderstanding had been resolved. He laughed tiredly. Now I could be as close to handsome Gong Mujin as I wanted.
I stretched out my neck and quickly placed a kiss on his cheek. His eyes widened in surprise. I bit my lower lip and laughed.
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His hot, firm hands wrapped around my cheek and the side of my head. His face drew closer. Before I realized what was happening, our lips softly touched. He held his breath as he pressed his hot, dry lips against mine.
My heart pounded as if it were going to burst out of my mouth. My ears rang, and my toes curled inside my black canvas sneakers. My lips parted slightly under his. Our breaths mixed together, releasing a sensual scent.
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“Call me that too.”
He whispered quietly.
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“Call you ‘oppa’?”
I asked with a voice that barely made it out.
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“Yeah.”
“I only call people ‘oppa’ if they’re related to me.”
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“Even though we’re not related, you can still call me ‘oppa’.”
As if he wanted to be compensated for the past several days, he was being cutely stubborn about this as if he’d been wronged. I reached out and wrapped my arms tightly around his strong back. I rested my forehead against his shoulder and buried my lips against his chest as I muttered.
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“Okay, Oppa-who-is-not-related-to-me.”
My one and only Gong Mujin. He lowered his head and took my lips once more. Our lips met like interlocking fingers. It was a deeper kiss than before, but it was not overly obscene. It was as magnificent as the fragrant scent of the wisteria flowers that had just begun to bloom.
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