DTL Ch 11 part 1

PR by neji

As expected, the most uncomfortable aspect of living alone was when she got sick. When her body grew weak, the control she had over her emotions was also broken. Therefore, she couldn’t help but feel disheartened during this time, and it was the most difficult to endure. Just like before her period, when her hormone levels would fluctuate, causing her mood to go up and down, the depression that would always find her whenever she got sick was not something she could control.

Last night, after she got out of the shower, she felt a bit chilled. When she woke up in the morning, her body felt heavy like wet cotton. Her limbs felt limp, and her joints were sore. Even raising her hand was a difficult task.

“Ah…”

She had definitely caught a cold. Once a year, she always got seriously ill like clockwork. She had hoped it would skip this year, but it looked like standing and walking around the workspace all day was the ultimate source of the sickness.

It had almost been a month since her car had been left at the shop. Because her car was such an old model, they had a hard time finding replacement parts within the country. Therefore, they had to import it in. The mechanic had offered to lend her an office car, but it smelled too much like cigarettes, so she declined.

‘I should have just taken it.’

But regretting it now was of no use. The blinds were completely closed, and the room was dark. YeonJung merely stayed in bed as she blinked up at the ceiling. She barely managed to reach out her hand and grab her cell phone.

The cold wave that had been predicted in all the weather reports had finally come. The whole country was experiencing sub-zero temperatures. Seoul’s weather reported -19°C with windchill. Daegwallyeong Pass had even reached -24°C. After checking the weather report, YeonJung soon fell back asleep. This year’s winter was much longer and fiercer than the ones before. Would spring ever come?

[YeonJung-ssi, the weather is incredibly cold today. You shouldn’t come out. DongHoon-ssi only went to the office to get some documents, but he came right back home afterward.]

When she opened her eyes, it was well past noon. She hadn’t eaten anything all day, but she didn’t feel hungry at all. The inside of her mouth felt scratchy. She barely managed to walk to the bathroom, and her whole body felt feverish.

She merely brushed her teeth and went back to bed. Hyejin was the one who had sent the message. Now that she was far into her pregnancy, Hyejin only came into the office two or three times a week. It seemed that DongHoon had told her that YeonJung had not come into work today after seeing her empty worktable. YeonJung always commuted to work, excluding weekends, so Hyejin probably felt that something was strange when she didn’t show up today.

[Yes, I think I’ll rest for today.]

After typing out her message, her hands went limp. She felt as if her whole body had gone dry.

She crawled over to the drawer and rummaged through it. She managed to find the medicine she had stored there from the flu she had caught last year. After tossing the pills in her mouth, she took a gulp of water. Even back then, Hyejin had to drag her to the hospital because YeonJung hated going there. She forced YeonJung into her car and drove her. YeonJung knew that if she told Hyejin she was sick again, Hyejin would hurriedly rush over to her side. She didn’t want to do that to someone who was in the advanced stages of pregnancy. YeonJung merely sent her a message stating that she’d see her tomorrow and closed the app.

As the day turned into the afternoon, her symptoms grew worse. Although she had set the thermostat all the way up, she still felt as cold as ice. Her bedding was drenched in sweat, and her whole body was shivering. She brought the blankets up to her chin, but the chill remained.

She found the thermometer in her bedside drawer and placed it in her ear. 38.6°C. When YeonJung read the numbers with feverish eyes, she sighed in despair.

‘Should I go to the hospital?’

She turned her blurry eyes to the clock on the wall.

Seven o’clock.

The hour hand on the glow-in-the-dark clock was pointed to the seven. She tried to fix the broken circuits within her head.

The only place open right now was the emergency room at the university hospital nearby. Because her car was at the shop right now, the only way to get there was by taxi. Even if she opened the app on her phone to call a taxi, there was still a possibility that she would faint in the elevator on the way down.

She couldn’t call the ambulance either. She would be able to give them information on the general structure of the building, but they would probably send the 911 unit to come get her. All this just to retrieve a deaf woman who was suffering a bad cold. All that chaos wouldn’t be worth it.

YeonJung bit her lips in shame. All the feelings of inferiority she had buried deep within her heart began to resurface.

‘You can’t do anything on your own.’

No, I’ve only caught a cold that regularly plagues people every day. Although she tried to pull herself together, the thoughts continued to torment her.

‘You’re shut inside a lonely world where you’ll grow old and die. This is what your life will look like in a few decades.’

YeonJung closed her eyes to stop the thoughts. She whimpered for a few moments before falling asleep. Then her eyes opened again late at night due to the pain. Her room was completely dark. Her whole body felt as if it had been beaten to a pulp. Her head was spinning.

She reached out and grabbed her phone that was on her bed. 10:45 PM. She saw that there were a few messages she had missed. They were all from the same person. SeonJae. She didn’t have time to think. She pressed the ‘Call’ button by his name. She couldn’t even tell if the phone was ringing as she made the call. Her world was always silent.

She couldn’t hear anything. Her vision grew dark. She didn’t want to close her eyes, but she couldn’t help it. She was afraid of a world where she couldn’t hear or see anything, but she didn’t have the strength to open her eyes.

“Huu…”

As she grasped the cell phone in her hand, a sorrowful cry burst out of her lips. Her cell phone screen flickered inside the dark room.

“Huu…. hng…”

 After tiring herself out, she fainted. Her world was dark. How much time had passed? Someone was stroking her forehead. A lukewarm cloth was washing her body. When she curled up due to the cold, she felt her sweat-drenched clothes being dragged off her only to be replaced with dry ones. She felt something sharp prick the back of her hand, so she tried to open her eyes. She saw a stranger adjusting an IV bag. YeonJung slowly closed her eyes. When she opened her eyes again and looked out the window, the sky was lighter, indicating it was just before dawn.

“How do you feel? Does it still hurt?”

SeonJae placed a pillow behind her back as he spoke. His usually cleanly shaven face was now rough with a shadow. 

“Hee…re, hah….how?”

“Shh, don’t try too hard to speak.”

He shook his head in disappointment. His hand was tense as he stroked her face. She didn’t feel as cold anymore, but her body still felt limp as if she’d been beaten. When she turned and saw her cell phone sitting on top of the bedside table, she remembered what happened last night.

‘Ah, I called him. Even though I’m deaf, I called someone. I called him.’

That’s why he was here. She felt guilty.

What did she tell him on the call? She couldn’t even hear, so did she just want to rant one-sidedly? Help me. Whatever your answer may be, I can’t hear it. I can’t even see your face, so you have no choice but to help me. Did she want to utilize her handicap to threaten someone into helping her?

Did I want to do it to this man?

YeonJung parted her dry lips and chuckled as she mocked herself.

“I’m… using you righ’ now, you know.”

SeonJae didn’t let go of her hand. Instead, he brought her fingers to his lips. His trembling lips pressed on her skin before he pulled back. His eyes were red. She could see the veins. Oh, no. What if her cold had infected him? Her head grew dizzy with the thought. He merely gazed at her with damp eyes and slowly moved his lips.

“It doesn’t matter.”

In all honesty, she was scared. She was afraid that the moment she felt his warmth, all the feelings would rush back. Her body had been overcome with a devastating sense of isolation, and she was afraid she would turn into nothing, a nobody. She was so scared she thought she was going to die from the fear. 

She had lived her life with pride as if nothing was wrong, but ultimately, she couldn’t even go to the hospital on her own. She was merely baggage that only served to bother other people. A rasping voice left her lips as she sneered at herself with sorrow.

“I hate being ah-lone….I’m scah-red… So I’m using you righ’ now.”

“It doesn’t matter to me. A few times… No, I’ll let you use me forever. Use me as much as you want.”

Through the strands of her hair, she saw his sunken eyes staring only at her. YeonJung’s eyes trembled. His hand was unbelievably gentle as he swept away the hair that had been stuck to her damp forehead.

‘Why did he appear in front of me again? This is cheating. I hate you. I decided I can’t love you. You’re arrogant. You only care about yourself. You’re a selfish person who’s only good at using weak people and hurting them. So why are you looking at me with those eyes?’

She wanted to ask him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The words she couldn’t say transformed into tears as they trickled down her cheeks. SeonJae slowly opened his mouth.

“After I answered your call… And I heard you cry… I don’t really remember what happened after that. The next thing I know, I’m banging on your apartment door like a madman. I was so scared something had happened to you… I thought I’d turn crazy with worry. If you ever do something like this again, I think I’m going to die of a heart attack.”

Her eyes were blurred with tears, so it was difficult to see what his lips were saying. The man reached out and wiped away the tear that was trickling down her cheek. His large hand gently held her face. He brought his face closer to hers and murmured.

“But I’m still happy. Even though you’re this sick… you thought of me… you called me… you let me hear your voice… I’m happy, but the fact that I’m happy while you’re so sick in front of me… Is it not selfish?”

His words carried so much weight. She felt it press down on her chest, so she closed her eyes.

She didn’t hear anything, and she didn’t see anything. The world was perfectly dark. The only thing she could feel in this darkness was the warmth of his hands on her cheek. Unlike the overwhelming fear of isolation she had felt during the night, she wasn’t scared anymore. Just by knowing that someone was by her side, the fear melted away.

Her eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes. SeonJae’s trembling lips began to move once again.

“So please, please just… Can’t you just use me?”

He was cheating. At a time like this, at a time when she needed someone the most, he had entered her heart and turned it upside-down. If he had calculated all of this, then he was even more meticulous than he had been in the past. Her pulse began to race.

Yeah. I’m using you right now, Min SeonJae-ssi.

YeonJung cautiously brought her lips to his. His body stiffened. The moment he realized her touch, he grasped her face and parted her lips. She liked the wet, cool slide of his tongue. It probably felt colder to her because of her fever.

When YeonJung slightly licked his tongue, he groaned. The cautious man carefully lifted his tongue and lapped at the walls of her mouth. This was their first kiss in two years. It felt like a faraway dream.

When their lips parted, he began to rapidly mumble something, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying.

He was hesitating for some reason. His hands were clenched on the bedsheets, and the veins on the back of his hands were bulging. Although she could clearly see the raging desire brewing within him, this man was fighting against the urge to embrace her.

“…Yoo said I could…”

His feverish eyes pierced through her. He let out a deep sigh. She could feel his trembling body against her hand. His stiff jaw told her how much he was holding back for her. YeonJung gazed at him and tiredly opened her mouth once again.

“You said I… could yoo-se you.”

“YeonJung…”

He frowned as he called her name. The hand caressing her face felt hot.

“I wah-nna do it. Hold me, plee-se. Doo it.”

SeonJae’s self-control had reached its breaking point. His lips covered hers. Unlike the gentleness from before, his lips were now ravaging hers. At the same time, her body flopped back onto the mattress. A dry hand slipped under her t-shirt and swept her waist. It felt good.

He wasn’t in a hurry. He greedily drank from her lips as he licked inside. His rough tongue lapped at her mouth. His large hand went up to her bare breast. His thumb rubbed her perked nipples as he gently massaged her chest. YeonJung’s breaths quickened. Although time had passed, her body clearly remembered his touch. Every hair on her body reacted to him.

“Haa…”