DMG Chapter 6 (Part 3)

LONG CHAPTER AHEAD

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He assessed his own condition. His body was significantly better than it had been before he collapsed, which likely meant Heo Do-gyeong had performed Guiding. The image of Heo Do-gyeong’s cracked lips surfaced in his mind.

…Surely not. Kang I-won touched his own lips, trying to deny the thought, but he knew better. After years of receiving physical Guiding, he was well aware that simple touch wouldn’t be enough to bring him to this level of recovery. For his body to have improved this much, there must have been mucosal Guiding involved.

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The realization made his ears burn. He couldn’t even recall what had happened, and the thought embarrassed him further. Though he tried to guess why Heo Do-gyeong would go that far, he couldn’t come up with an answer—and truthfully, he didn’t want to.

He reasoned that his condition must have been severe enough to warrant such measures and shoved all thoughts of Heo Do-gyeong aside. Thinking too much about him always led to pointless distractions.

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Kang I-won stared out the window, his mind still hazy. The night was deeply dark, yet the full moon shone unusually bright.

Forgetting was a habit for Kang I-won. It was something he had practiced for so long that it came easily to him. But no matter how much he tried to push away thoughts of Heo Do-gyeong, they refused to leave. His absence only made his presence more vivid, filling the empty space in his mind again and again. The harder he tried not to think about him, the more he came to mind.

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Eventually, Kang I-won gave up on trying to push the thoughts aside and let them flow, aimless and unfiltered.

He hadn’t expected Heo Do-gyeong to return. From the beginning, he had been certain that Heo Do-gyeong would leave for Seoul and not look back. He had assumed his staying was just a passing whim.

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That was why he hadn’t believed him when he said he’d come back. He had doubted, doubted again, and finally convinced himself that Heo Do-gyeong wouldn’t return.

Now, with clarity sinking in, Kang I-won buried his face in his hands. He should have thanked him instead of asking why he came back. A wave of self-loathing washed over him.

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Thanks to Heo Do-gyeong’s efforts, his body was in its best condition in recent memory. The Guiding deficiency that had plagued him was completely resolved, and the rest he’d gotten had cleared his lingering headaches.

But his mind—his mind was still utterly exhausted.

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He wasn’t sleepy, but he wished he could just pass out and escape into oblivion. However, his newly cleared head refused to let him drift off again.

It’s fine, he thought. Even if he wasn’t sleepy, Kang I-won knew how to make himself fall asleep. His hands instinctively reached for his neck.

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Just as his hands moved without hesitation, a large, familiar hand caught them mid-motion, enveloping them completely. The warmth in the touch was familiar, as was the faint tremor in the grip.

Kang I-won stared at the hand holding his before slowly lifting his gaze.

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Heo Do-gyeong was looking back at him with a deeply twisted expression on his face.

Why did he come back? As Kang I-won thought this, he found himself staring back at Heo Do-gyeong. The moonlit face before him was etched clearly onto his retinas.

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“What exactly are you doing right now?”

“……”

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Heo Do-gyeong’s voice trembled terribly.

“Were you about to strangle your neck?”

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“That’s…”

“If I hadn’t come back, would you have gone through with it? Why? Why would you do that?”

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Kang I-won instinctively clamped his mouth shut, knowing that no words could justify his actions. Heo Do-gyeong let out a sound like he was grinding his teeth.

“Stop shutting your mouth all the time and say something, for God’s sake. What’s wrong with you, Kang I-won? Huh?”

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The large hand gripping both of his tightened slightly, holding him firmly in place. For a long moment, they stood off in silence. Finally, Kang I-won averted his gaze.

“Can you… let go of my hands?”

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“Let go? No. I can’t. I’m too scared you’ll try something stupid again.”

“I won’t do it anymore.”

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“I don’t believe you. So talk. Tell me what’s going on. What’s the problem?”

Still, Kang I-won said nothing. Watching him, Heo Do-gyeong sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping slightly under his weight.

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Even so, his grip on Kang I-won’s hands didn’t falter. He simply moved them from Kang I-won’s neck to rest on his thighs instead. Then, he asked again.

“Do you really hate talking that much?”

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“Do I have to say it…?”

It wasn’t anything he was proud of. It was just a pitiful story. He didn’t want to show such a weak side of himself to someone else.

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“You refuse to take care of yourself when asked. You refuse to talk when asked. What exactly do you want me to do?”

Hearing this annoyed him. What am I, a child? With a sullen tone, Kang I-won replied,

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“You could just ignore it and move on. It’s not like I’m going to die. Everyone else does that, so why can’t you, Heo Do-gyeong?”

“Why can’t I ignore you? Why am I the only one who cares and interferes with everything, huh?”

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Kang I-won neither nodded nor responded, but his silence conveyed his agreement.

“Is that not okay? Do I need a reason to worry about you?”

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We can’t truly understand another person’s pain. At best, we can guess based on what little they show. Kang I-won rarely revealed his struggles, leading others to assume he was doing just fine.

Because of this, even those who initially worried about him eventually let those feelings fade, thinking he’d recover soon enough.

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But for some reason, Heo Do-gyeong’s concern showed no sign of fading.

Heo Do-gyeong’s voice burst out, brimming with frustration.

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“Besides, this is a completely different situation. I saw you trying to strangle yourself! How could I not worry about that? What kind of lunatic wouldn’t?”

What Heo Do-gyeong didn’t know was that there are such people—plenty of them. Kang I-won, having spent years on the frontlines, had met those people and, at times, had been one of them himself. That’s why he couldn’t understand Heo Do-gyeong.

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Seeing this lack of comprehension in Kang I-won’s expression, Heo Do-gyeong let out a deep sigh.

“Fine. Since you seem unwilling to talk, I’ll start instead.”

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About what?

“You want to know why I keep interfering and worrying about you? It’s because I know someone who acted just like you—and they died because of it.”

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Kang I-won’s eyes widened at the unexpected revelation. Before he could say anything, Heo Do-gyeong continued.

“It was my mother.”

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“…What?”

“My mother was someone consumed by love.”

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Caught off guard by this sudden confession, Kang I-won snapped his head up to look at Heo Do-gyeong, who was staring into the distance as he spoke.

“She was so consumed that she was willing to throw her life away.”

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“Ah…”

Rendered speechless by the abrupt admission, Kang I-won hesitated, unsure how to offer comfort. But before he could figure out what to say, Heo Do-gyeong resumed his story.

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Heo Do-gyeong’s mother had been an unknown actress.

She possessed a uniquely captivating beauty, the kind that left a lasting impression after just one glance. However, her career was plagued by bad luck—every film she acted in seemed doomed to fail.

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Initially, her career began on a whim, driven by her admiration for those basking in the dazzling spotlight and garnering attention from everyone. But as her years of anonymity dragged on, she grew increasingly weary.

Just as she began to think about giving up, a letter arrived for her through her agency. It was accompanied by a beautiful bouquet, and it was from a fan who had poured their sincere admiration into the heartfelt note.

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The letter came from someone who described themselves as her devoted fan, someone who had watched every movie she’d appeared in, even as an extra. It was the first time she’d received such recognition, and she was overjoyed.

In neat, deliberate handwriting, the letter expressed love for her acting and urged her not to give up on her dreams. It reassured her that it wasn’t her fault she hadn’t been discovered yet and promised that her talent would one day shine through. Until that day came, the fan vowed to keep supporting her.

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Buoyed by the genuine affection in the letter, she decided not to quit. Her ardent fan continued to send her letters and flowers, and eventually, she landed a role in a film the following year that became a massive success.

But even with the long-desired spotlight shining on her, she felt a hollow emptiness inside. No amount of public attention or love could fill the void in her heart.

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However, every time she received one of her fan’s unwavering letters or bouquets, the emptiness in her chest was replaced with an almost overwhelming sense of fulfillment.

Curious about the person who had supported her so steadfastly, she began to wonder who they were. Was the fan a man or a woman? Young or old? What had made them become her fan in the first place? She yearned to meet the person who had believed in her and cheered her on through it all.

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Yet, the fan always declined, insisting they were just one of many who supported her and had no reason to be treated differently.

Her persistent efforts eventually wore the fan down, and they agreed to meet. She fell for him at first sight. They met at a restaurant, and he turned out to be handsome and kind, his every gesture filled with consideration and respect for her.

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Tragically, he was the head of the H Group conglomerate and a married man with two children. Upon learning the truth, she tried to suppress her feelings, but her emotions only grew stronger. With her deepening affection came darker, uglier feelings.

That position should have been mine. She grew resentful of his wife, jealous of the woman who had met him first. Her desire for him only intensified with time.

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Unable to let go, her love for him turned into obsession. Her jealousy toward his wife became uncontrollable, and she found herself cursing the woman daily.

One day, his wife, who had been suffering from a mysterious, incurable illness that had emerged alongside the appearance of monsters and gates, passed away.

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Seeing his grief as an opportunity, she comforted him under the guise of offering solace. That night, she spent the night with him and conceived his child.

She demanded that he marry her, using the unborn child as leverage. But he refused, unwilling to sacrifice his reputation. To him, even as her most ardent fan, being tied to her in marriage—especially when he was at the height of his influence—was unthinkable.

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However, despite claiming to be just a fan, the man ultimately loved her. Torn between his devotion as a fan and his desires as a man, he finally gave in to her persistent demands and the growing evidence of her pregnancy.

Their union was carried out quietly and in secret. She abandoned everything she had built for herself and moved into the man’s home, choosing love above all else. She was happy—finally, she had obtained the thing she had longed for so desperately.

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But that happiness didn’t last long.

The new mistress of the house, who had entered less than a year after the previous one’s death, was welcomed by no one. Everyone either ignored her or looked down on her with contempt. Still, she endured it. She was happy as long as the man gazed at her with loving eyes and whispered sweet words of affection.

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But she couldn’t bear it when the man prioritized something—or someone—other than her.

Whenever she saw the affection in his eyes for his children, she grew anxious and irritable. She began to eagerly await the birth of her own child, convinced that once her child arrived, he would no longer pay attention to the remnants left behind by his first wife.

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But even after the child was born, nothing changed. If anything, she felt her husband’s love for her had diminished. The love that should have been hers was instead directed toward their child. This was unacceptable.

Having given up everything for him, she expected the same all-consuming love in return. When it didn’t come, her frustration grew into madness, and her jealousy extended even to her own child.

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She raised her voice in anger when he prioritized work over her. Then, she would break down in tears, begging him to love her. Each time, the man would embrace her and soothe her until she was pacified.

But it was never enough. She grew jealous of every glance he gave his children, and she flew into fits of rage at every woman who came near him. It didn’t matter if they were merely coworkers or subordinate employees—her jealousy knew no bounds.

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At first, the man had been pleased by her intense affection for him. But her endless jealousy and outbursts wore him down. Eventually, he began staying away from home more often. Using work as an excuse, he even stopped answering her calls.

Sensing that he was avoiding her, she tried to deny it. But no matter how many times she called or messaged him, there was no reply. His silence filled her mind with dark thoughts.

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Why is he avoiding me? Has he found another woman? Is he tired of me? Does he not love me anymore? That woman who used to be near him was suspicious. She must have seduced him. How dare she covet what is mine!

Unable to contain her insecurities, she vented them relentlessly to her young child, crying, shouting, and smashing things around the house.

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When the man finally returned home after a long absence, he was greeted by the chaos she had created. His face showed only exhaustion and dismay.

Why is he looking at me like that? Confused and distraught, she denied everything—even her own actions. In her desperation, she attempted self-harm for the first time.

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This happened when her son was just five years old.

The entire household was thrown into turmoil. When the man was informed of the incident, he dropped everything to check on her condition.

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Seeing the man focus solely on her reminded her of the early days of their relationship—when his eyes had been filled with love and unrestrained affection for her.

Realizing her actions were effective, the woman began habitually harming herself. Her self-harm was solely a method to garner the man’s attention and love.

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But the wounds were always shallow, and she never truly sought to end her life.

At first, upon hearing news of her self-harm, the man would drop everything and rush to her side. However, as the incidents became more frequent, he grew increasingly exhausted. Eventually, he stopped coming altogether, instead sending his secretary to handle the situation.

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Even without the man’s presence, she continued her self-harm. It was the only method she knew to elicit a response. Attempts to dissuade her only provoked her further, driving her into more frenzied episodes.

Thankfully, her injuries were rarely serious. Most were shallow cuts that barely drew blood, though occasionally she inflicted deeper wounds. However, none were life-threatening.

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Eventually, those around her stopped intervening. The staff in the household learned to handle her self-harm swiftly but with detachment. Even her young son, who once cried and begged her to stop, grew desensitized. Over time, her actions became routine, something that everyone in the house quietly endured.

One day, the man’s absence stretched longer than usual. He had been away for over two weeks. Anxious and on edge, she bit her nails down to the quick, frantically dialing his number over and over again.

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“Honey… why, why aren’t you coming home?” she sobbed into the phone, desperation dripping from her voice. “I’m waiting for you. So why…? Please, come home. Please… You always say you’re busy, but it’s a lie. It’s a lie, isn’t it? If you don’t come, I’ll die. I mean it this time. I really mean it! So please, come back. I miss your face so much, I feel like I’m going to die. I feel like I’m going to die!”

Her voice cracked as she cried, her words raw and frantic.

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Young Heo Do-gyeong watched her with a faint frown, his expression tinged with discomfort and confusion.

“Do you not love me anymore? That’s not true, right? Then why won’t you come to see me? You don’t even want me to visit you at the office. And I’ve listened—I haven’t gone. Even though I’m twisting inside, wondering what you’re doing when I’m not watching, I’ve held myself back. So what else am I supposed to do, huh? How am I supposed to see your face? Are you planning to never look at me again?”

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Do-gyeong couldn’t understand his mother. He couldn’t comprehend how she could stake her entire existence on love. Even though she was his mother, she was an enigma to him, someone utterly incomprehensible.

Her voice rose to a shriek, filled with accusations and anguish.

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“Liar! You’re always lying to me! You say you’re busy, but it’s just an excuse to avoid coming home! I can’t take it anymore. If you don’t come back, I’ll kill myself. I really will this time. If you don’t want to see me die, you’d better come home. Right now!”

Her cries echoed through the house, her raw desperation filling the space, as young Do-gyeong watched silently, unable to look away.

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Clutching her phone as she sobbed, the woman pressed a blade to her wrist. Watching her, young Heo Do-gyeong showed no sign of distress—it was a scene he had grown far too accustomed to.

Even if he couldn’t understand her, Heo Do-gyeong loved his mother. But he also knew that in moments like this, she wouldn’t listen to anyone.

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Through years of experience, he had learned that interfering only led to deeper wounds on her body. So, he ignored it. Indifference had become second nature.

“…You’re not coming? Even after I said I’d kill myself? You’re still not coming? Ha! It’s not that you can’t come—you just won’t! You’ll regret this. You’ll regret it, I swear. You think I won’t do it, don’t you?”

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As she wept, biting her lips until blood stained her teeth, Do-gyeong noticed something different about her this time. Yet, he dismissed it, thinking he was overanalyzing. This wasn’t the first time she had acted like this.

“…Just remember this one thing. I’m dying because of you.”

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That should never have happened.

No matter how much he knocked, his mother didn’t respond. Feeling uneasy, Do-gyeong cautiously turned the bathroom doorknob. The door, unlocked, opened with ease.

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Inside, his mother was in the bathtub.

Her body lay stiff and motionless, a grotesque smile twisted on her face, her eyes closed. She looked like a wooden doll, lifeless and rigid. The sight made his skin crawl.

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It didn’t feel real. For a moment, he thought she might have taken things further this time just to get his father’s attention. He wanted to believe the red water staining the tub was paint, not blood.

“…Mother?”

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But no matter how many times he called out, there was no answer. The deep gashes on her wrists—ones he’d never seen before—had bled profusely, turning the water crimson.

Stumbling closer to his mother, Do-gyeong’s foot hit something.

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At the cold bottom of the tub lay a cracked smartphone. Picking it up, the screen flickered to life, revealing a series of text messages she had sent, all unanswered.

[Honey] 1
[Honey] 1
[Honey] 1
[Honey] 1
[Honey] 1
[Honey] 1
[Honey] 1
[Let me ask you one last thing] 1
[Are you really not coming?] 1
[I know you’re reading this] 1
[I told you I’d really die this time] 1
[This isn’t a lie] 1
[You truly have no answer to the end] 1
[It’s okay] 1
[From now on, I’ll always be by your side] 1
[Let’s stay together forever] 1
[I love you] 1

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As Heo Do-gyeong dropped the smartphone, his fingertips brushed against his mother’s skin. It was so cold and pale that it sent a chill down his spine. He yanked his hand back immediately. His entire body began to shake uncontrollably.

Collapsing in front of the bathtub, Heo Do-gyeong buried his face in his hands. Not even a scream escaped his lips.

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There was only despair.

What followed his indifference was a horrifying, irreversible result.

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I should have done something. Even if she wouldn’t listen, I should have kept trying. I should have told her to stop, stayed by her side, and never left her alone.

An indescribable sense of loss weighed down on young Heo Do-gyeong, suffocating him.

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What happened after that was a blur. He could only vaguely remember his father arriving later, sobbing uncontrollably and uttering countless incoherent words of regret.

* * *

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Having finished weaving together the stories he’d heard from his parents and his own experiences, Heo Do-gyeong finally met Kang I-won’s gaze.

“And that’s why I can’t stand watching someone harm themselves. So tell me—why are you so desperate to hurt yourself?”

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Kang I-won hesitated, startled by the question. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before reluctantly responding.

“Well, first of all… I’m not like your mother, Guide Heo. Something like that won’t kill me.”

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“I know that. I’ve seen it plenty of times. But knowing it in my head and seeing it with my eyes are two different things. I hate watching you recklessly throw yourself into danger and hurt yourself like this. I hate seeing you treat your body this way.”

Heo Do-gyeong tightened his grip on Kang I-won’s hands, still clasped in his own. Kang I-won bit his lip before speaking again.

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“If you don’t like it, you could just go back to Seoul. To where you were meant to be.”

At that, Heo Do-gyeong flared up.

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“Seoul, Seoul—always with the Seoul! I’m sick to death of hearing it. Do you even know why I came back here?”

“Why did you come back?”

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Kang I-won reflexively asked, and Heo Do-gyeong fell silent.

His expression twisted into a deep scowl before he blurted out, “Do I really have to spell it out for you?”

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“Yes.”

How else would I know if you don’t say it? Kang I-won’s calm reply only seemed to provoke him further.

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Still scowling, Heo Do-gyeong practically spat out the words.

“Because of you, Kang I-won. It’s because of you.”

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“What?”

“I said it’s because of you, Kang I-won. I can’t stop worrying about you, and I can’t leave you alone. Look at you—this is what happens when you’re left on your own. How could I trust you to take care of yourself? …I came back to stop being a temporary Guide and become your permanent one.”

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Permanent? Heo Do-gyeong?

Even though the words were simple, Kang I-won couldn’t comprehend them.

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“…Why?”

He asked, dumbfounded, and Heo Do-gyeong let out a dry laugh.

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“Did you even listen to what I said? I can’t stop worrying about you, that’s why.”

“If it’s because of your mother….”

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“I can’t say it has no influence, but that’s not the only reason.”

At first, it was embarrassment over misunderstanding things. Then, it was curiosity about what Kang I-won was doing out in the field. Eventually, it became the way Kang I-won reminded him of his mother, who had chosen death. It was the reckless way Kang I-won hurt himself without hesitation, a behavior that grated on Heo Do-gyeong and kept drawing his attention, making it impossible to look away.

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It was a tangled mess of emotions that couldn’t be summed up in a single reason. Unable to articulate it properly, Heo Do-gyeong ground his teeth and muttered, “…Anyway, I won’t let anything like this happen again.”

Kang I-won, completely unaware of Heo Do-gyeong’s inner turmoil, was baffled by his actions and concern. He couldn’t understand why Heo Do-gyeong cared so much or why he treated him differently from others.

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“…You won’t gain anything from caring about me this much.”

“Why state the obvious? And I’m not so desperate that I’d expect to gain something from you, Kang I-won.”

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Then why? Could it be that Heo Do-gyeong actually liked him? That fleeting suspicion dissolved immediately under the frankness in Heo Do-gyeong’s gaze.

As Kang I-won sat in confusion, Heo Do-gyeong, like an investigator interrogating a suspect, pressed him further.

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“So now, tell me—why do you do it?”

“…Do I have to explain it?”

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“Fair’s fair. I shared my personal story; now it’s your turn, Kang I-won. Isn’t that only right?”

Kang I-won muttered under his breath, his tone a mix of frustration and disbelief.

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“I mean, I didn’t ask you to tell me anything…”

“Then you should’ve covered your ears.”

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“Heh, haha…”

Heo Do-gyeong’s childish retort made Kang I-won laugh despite himself. It wasn’t a situation to laugh about, yet the laughter kept bubbling up. It was as if he had sprung a leak, his quiet chuckles slipping out uncontrollably.

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Many Espers carried wounds deep inside them. Wounds from failing to protect their comrades and being the only survivor, from not being able to save someone they tried to protect, from losing their family in an instant, or from countless other unspoken secrets.

They often didn’t want to talk about these wounds, but at the same time, they longed to share them with someone, to receive comfort and reassurance.

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The same was true for Kang I-won. He stubbornly bottled up his emotions, but even he occasionally felt the desire to open up, to be comforted. Normally, he hid that desire so well even he wasn’t aware of it.

But tonight, after receiving Guiding that overflowed into his very core and enjoying a rare peaceful sleep, his guard was down without him realizing it. The walls he had built up like an impenetrable fortress softened like a sandcastle in the tide.

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His unsteady heart whispered to him, urging him to let it out just this once.

After chuckling quietly for a while, Kang I-won lowered his head and began to speak in a slow, measured tone.

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“I dream.”

“A dream?”

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“A dream where my younger sibling is dying, and all I can do is watch.”

Even now, when he closed his eyes, the memory surfaced vividly. The scars left behind, like a noose tightening around his body, seemed to throb with a dull ache.

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* * *

Kang I-won’s father was a successful businessman, and thanks to him, Kang’s family lived a relatively affluent life during his childhood.

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However, when Kang I-won turned ten, everything changed in an instant.

Their spacious 40-pyeong apartment was traded for a cramped semi-basement, and he had to transfer to a new school, leaving behind his friends against his will. The once-lavish dining table now featured just two or three side dishes, and his mother, who used to have a housekeeper, took over the household chores herself.

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Seeing his mother exhausted by these unfamiliar tasks, Kang I-won began taking care of his younger sibling, who had only just learned to walk.

His once-busy but kind father now seemed perpetually drunk, while his gentle and warm mother became irritable and short-tempered.

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“This is all your fault!”

“Are you done talking? How is this all my fault? Did I do something wrong?! It’s all because of that bastard—”

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“I told you not to trust him! You should’ve listened to me sooner….”

Arguments between his parents became a daily occurrence. Whenever their shouting began, Kang I-won would clutch his wriggling younger sibling and retreat to the one bedroom in the house, pulling a blanket over their heads.

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Eventually, his mother would come to him, wrap her arms around him, and whisper apologies.

He hated her apologies. He just wanted his parents to get along again, like they used to.

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But his wish never came true. The fights continued, though his parents tried to scrape together a living for their children. His mother, who had never worked outside the home before, began hopping between various jobs.

No matter how hard they tried, their circumstances didn’t improve.

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At some point, his father stopped working altogether, spending his days staring blankly at his smartphone. His mother, exhausted and worn, would leave for work every day, glaring at her husband with contempt as she left.

Holding his sleeping sibling, young Kang I-won watched his mother leave. Then he turned to see the screen of his father’s old smartphone over his slumped shoulder.

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The screen displayed a chart of red and blue bars, erratically crisscrossing—a harbinger of more despair. But as a child, Kang I-won didn’t understand what it meant.

When he moved from elementary school to middle school, his father was still at home, while his mother worked even harder to make up for him.

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At some point, the fights stopped. They didn’t argue anymore; in fact, they barely spoke. The house, once lively and full of warmth, became cold and desolate.

As the once-happy memories of their prosperous past faded, Kang I-won grew used to the stark reality of their poverty and silence.

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Then, one day, while he was attending class, news came of his parents’ deaths.

The memory of that day remained vivid. Snow fell outside the window, and his usually grumpy teacher, who disliked dealing with students, wore an uncharacteristic expression of pity.

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Kang I-won ran through the snow, desperate to reach the hospital his teacher had directed him to. When he arrived, what greeted him were the bodies of his parents, covered by white sheets.

Through the faint buzzing in his ears, he barely caught the words: his father had killed his mother and then taken his own life.

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He couldn’t understand why his mother, who should have been at work, was home at that time. He couldn’t fathom why his father had murdered her or why he had chosen suicide. Everything was a blur of confusion.

With his parents gone in such a senseless way, only fourteen-year-old Kang I-won and his seven-year-old brother, Kang I-jin, were left in the world. It didn’t feel real.

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At just fourteen, Kang I-won was far too young to bear the weight of knowing his father had killed his mother. He needed the support and care of adults—he couldn’t handle the horrifying reality alone.

So, after sending his younger brother to kindergarten, he sought out their relatives. He hoped, even if only a little, that the relationships built during better times—when his father’s business was thriving—might lead to some form of assistance.

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But their relatives were cold. Those who pretended to be kind were merely after the life insurance payout from their mother’s death. In the end, Kang I-won had no choice but to flee from them, feeling like he was running for his life.

There was no one to rely on, but at least the insurance money left in his mother’s name would ensure they could live, if not comfortably, then at least without lacking necessities until he became an adult.

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Still, every night, when his younger brother innocently asked when their parents would return, Kang I-won wanted to break down and cry. He couldn’t bring himself to answer.

Father killed Mother. How could he say those words to a child who couldn’t even fully grasp their parents’ absence?

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All he could do was hold his crying younger brother tightly and pat his back, offering whatever comfort he could.

Each day felt like a living hell. It was all so confusing, and he wished desperately that it was all just a nightmare.

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But while he struggled through each day, barely clinging to sanity, an even worse hell descended upon the two brothers.

A previously unknown, astronomical debt was inherited by Kang I-won and Kang I-jin. It was a tragedy born of their youth, ignorance, and the lack of any responsible adult to guide them.

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Debt collectors began appearing at their home.

They took his younger brother hostage and used him to threaten Kang I-won. Overwhelmed and with no other choice, he surrendered the last lifeline they had: their mother’s insurance payout.

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Even after that, the remaining debt loomed like a mountain, insurmountable and incomprehensible. The sheer size of the numbers blurred his vision, leaving him in despair.

After the debt collectors left, Kang I-jin, who had been too terrified to even breathe properly, broke into uncontrollable sobs. Kang I-won, overwhelmed and at a loss, could only hold his brother limply in his arms.

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All they had left was 1 million won—the amount Kang I-won had withdrawn in advance for living expenses. That was their entire fortune.

Orphanages in an era plagued by monsters were even more dire than before. Kang I-won refused to send his brother to such a place. So, he dropped out of school and begged his way into a factory job, starting work at a young age. The employer, taking pity on him, hired him, but he wasn’t even paid minimum wage. Still, he was grateful for the work.

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Despite taking his mother’s insurance money, the loan sharks continued to visit daily. Claiming they needed to “monitor” him to ensure he didn’t run away without paying, they relentlessly pursued Kang I-won.

On payday, most of his meager wages were taken by the loan sharks as interest. After pleading for a small amount to be left behind, he would pay rent, utilities, and buy just enough rice to get by. Even so, there was never enough money. To make ends meet, he took on additional part-time jobs, leaving him with hardly any time to sleep.

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He endured this for three years. For three years, he worked tirelessly without rest, sacrificing sleep and every moment of his youth. Yet, despite his efforts, there was nothing to show for it. Surviving each day was a monumental struggle.

One evening, as they picked at their meager dinner—kimchi being the only side dish—Kang I-jin cautiously broke the silence.

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“Hyung, can we go on a trip too?”

“A trip? Why all of a sudden?”

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“All the other kids go on trips, but I’ve never been. I want to see the ocean too. The ocean, hyung. Please?”

Hearing his younger brother’s childish plea, Kang I-won let out a deep sigh.

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The debt his parents had left behind, the rent for their semi-basement, utilities, and the constant struggle to afford enough food left no room for luxuries. Often, Kang I-won would skip meals just to ensure his brother could eat properly.

How could we even think about a trip in a situation like this? Frustration rose in him at his brother’s naivety.

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“Kang I-jin, where do you think we’d get the money for something like that?”

“Just once. Just one time, please? Come on, hyung, just one trip!”

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“No. Stop whining about it.”

At Kang I-won’s firm response, Kang I-jin angrily threw his spoon aside and flopped onto his back, yelling.

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“Why not?! I want to go on a trip too! A trip, a triiipppp!!”

“Kang I-jin, what do you think you’re doing? Pick up your spoon and eat your rice. Now.”

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“No!!”

“Kang I-jin! Are you going to keep this up? Do you want to see me angry?!”

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His younger brother’s stubborn tantrum made Kang I-won raise his voice despite himself. But instead of backing down, Kang I-jin burst into tears.

“I hate you, hyung! Waaahh!”

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He threw the blanket over his head and sobbed uncontrollably, pouring out all his pent-up frustrations.

Watching his brother cry, Kang I-won slammed his spoon onto the table, his lips trembling as he bit down on them.

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Hearing his brother wail that he hated him, Kang I-won felt a deep sense of sorrow wash over him.

For three years, he had worked without rest, cutting down on sleep and enduring every hardship. And yet, when his younger brother simply asked for a trip, he couldn’t say yes. It made him feel small, pitiful, and ashamed.

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At least he had memories of going on a trip with their parents when he was younger. But his brother had nothing—not even that.

The sight of his brother crying filled him with guilt. He hated his father for leaving them behind.

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If only he had taken us with him back then… If only, then life wouldn’t be this painful.

Suppressing the overwhelming emotions that surged inside him, Kang I-won softened his voice and began trying to console his brother.

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“…Ijin-ah, I’m sorry for yelling. Let’s just finish eating for now, okay?”

“No! I don’t like kimchi! I want meat—bulgogi!”

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“Ijin-ah… Let’s eat kimchi for today, and next time—”

“When is next time? You always say next time, next time! I don’t want to wait anymore!!”

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No matter how much Kang I-won tried to calm him down, his younger brother refused to show his face, staying hidden under the blanket.

Kang I-won’s face twisted with despair.

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He had endured for three long years, pushing through every challenge to keep going. But in that time, he hadn’t been able to take his brother on a trip, nor had he been able to buy him even a single meal of his favorite food.

Faced with the relentless harshness of reality, Kang I-won felt an overwhelming wave of helplessness and defeat.

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No matter how hard he worked, the debt only seemed to grow instead of shrink. Each repetitive day felt like an endless torment, and no matter how much he endured, it felt like there was no end in sight.

He wanted to give up on everything. He was sick of it all.

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And then, a thought occurred to him: Maybe it’s better to just die. If he died and went to meet his mother, he might finally be freed from this pain that seemed to have no end.

The fleeting thought brought with it a powerful yearning.

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Kang I-won had lived a life that even a full-grown adult would have struggled to endure, starting from a young age.

He had borne the collapse of his affluent household, forcing himself to adapt to the drastic changes in his environment. He had endured watching his once-kind father and gentle mother turn into pitiful and irritable people. And without a moment to process the shocking reality of his father murdering his mother, he had taken on the responsibility of caring for his younger brother. On top of that, he had sacrificed sleep and worked tirelessly to pay off the debt his parents had left behind.

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His younger brother still didn’t know the truth about their parents. Kang I-won had lied, telling him it was the work of a burglar.

Having carried all of this alone since childhood, Kang I-won was exhausted. He just wanted to rest.

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The loan sharks, seeing how diligently he worked to pay off the debt over the past three years, had reduced their visits to once a month. This made it easier to avoid their watchful eyes.

That day, it was snowing heavily. With snowflakes falling all around him, Kang I-won went to his workplace and spun a hastily fabricated story to get an advance on his pay. The manager, impressed by Kang I-won’s years of hard work, granted the advance without much fuss.

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Next, he went to his younger brother’s school and pulled him out of class, saying they were going on a trip. His brother was thrilled, bragging to his friends as he left school with Kang I-won. The sight left a bitter taste in Kang’s mouth, but he didn’t let it deter him from his decision.

He knew what would happen to his brother if he were gone. His brother would live a life as harsh—or even harsher—than the one Kang I-won had endured. He didn’t want to be as irresponsible as their parents had been.

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His brother’s opinion wasn’t considered in this decision.

But for once, Kang I-won wanted to give his brother everything he wanted. Since his brother had always dreamed of seeing the ocean, they boarded a bus to Gangneung.

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“Hyung! We’re really going to see the ocean, right?”

“Yeah, really. When we get there, we’ll eat everything you want and see the ocean as much as you like.”

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“Really? You’re not lying, right? I can eat whatever I want?”

“Yeah, anything you want. I’ll buy it all for you. No lies.”

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“Yay!”

Kang I-jin cheered with excitement, his eyes sparkling with joy.

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“Eat lots of delicious food, see the ocean as much as we want…”

And then, let’s go meet Mom.

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As his younger brother bounced with excitement on the bus, Kang I-won reached out and ruffled his hair, a bitter smile on his face. If he’d known his brother would be this happy, he would have brought him sooner.

Despite the heavy snowfall slowing their progress, the bus steadily moved forward, heading toward Gangneung. Sitting by the window, his brother couldn’t contain his excitement, staring out at the passing scenery with wide eyes.

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But as they neared Gangneung, disaster struck—a dome appeared. Of all places, of all times, it appeared there.

The opaque barrier severed the world. The sky turned blood red, the streets plunged into darkness, and towering black monsters emerged from the shadows, threatening the brothers.

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Hiding among the ruins, Kang I-won stifled his breaths, clutching his terrified younger brother close. He had left home planning to die, but when death loomed so close, he didn’t want to die anymore. He wanted to live.

“Hyung, I-I’m scared… sniff… h-hic…”

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“It’s okay. Ijin-ah, it’s okay… Hyung will protect you.”

“M-mom… waahhh…”

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Kang I-won comforted his trembling brother as best he could, searching desperately for a safe place. But no matter how far they wandered, there was no safety, no one they could turn to for help.

Exhausted from their aimless wandering, his younger brother eventually fell asleep on his back. Kang I-won’s legs felt like they were weighed down with lead, but he forced them to keep moving, step by step. The weight of his brother on his back was unbearable.

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He glanced up at the crimson sky. Its unchanging, ominous glow obscured any sense of time, making the day feel endlessly long.

The brothers constantly moved, seeking shelter wherever they could find it. Among the debris of collapsed buildings, inside unlocked homes of strangers, or even the storage rooms of shattered convenience stores.

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They couldn’t stay still for long. The monsters would sniff them out and come for them, forcing them to constantly change locations.

Barely clinging to life, Kang I-won one day fell asleep among the wreckage of a collapsed concrete structure. He awoke to the sound of his younger brother’s frightened sobs—sounds that also drew the attention of a monster.

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When he opened his eyes, he was face-to-face with one.

Clutching his terrified brother, Kang I-won ran. But after days without proper food and carrying his brother for so long, his strength gave out. Stumbling, he fell to the ground.

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In that instant, instinct took over. He pulled his brother close and shielded him with his body.

He shouldn’t have done it. He should have pushed his brother away. But instead, he held him close.

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The monster’s sharp claws tore through Kang I-won’s waist, ripping his body in two. The excruciating pain left him unable to breathe. His senses dulled as his vision blurred. Through the haze, he saw his brother writhing in agony.

“Hyung… it hurts… it hurts…”

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“Ijin-ah…”

Mustering every ounce of strength, Kang I-won reached out his hand, but it fell short of touching his brother. All he could do was watch helplessly as his brother succumbed to pain and despair.

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His vision flickered, and he lost all feeling below his waist. His brother’s anguished cries grew faint, fading into the distance.

Tears streamed down his face. He had come here intending to die, but facing death like this was horrifying. He was terrified and filled with dread. Overwhelming regret consumed him.

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He wanted to live. He didn’t want to die. But he felt himself sinking deeper into a dark abyss.

At the edge of life, the last emotion he felt—ironically—was a sense of release.

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When Kang I-won woke again, a long time had passed. The crisis had ended, his brother was dead, and the Kang I-won who had sought death had survived alone. His abilities had awakened in the process, saving his life.

The vivid scar on his stomach served as a constant reminder that he had lived while his brother had died.

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Crushing regret and guilt weighed on him.

My brother died because of me.

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I killed my brother.

* * *

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Slowly blinking himself back from the past to the present, Kang I-won lightly brushed his hand over his stomach. The scar that coiled around his abdomen like a noose remained vivid, as if to remind him never to forget his guilt.

In his usual calm and detached tone, Kang I-won began to speak again.

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“Even if the dome hadn’t appeared that day, my brother would have died. I took him there to die with me, after all.”

The result would have been the same, no matter what. His oblivious brother would still have died, and he, who sought death, would have survived cowardly. The scar left behind would simply have taken a different shape.

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As Kang I-won confessed in his even voice that he had killed his brother, Heo Do-gyeong’s expression darkened. His brows furrowed, and he tightened his grip on Kang I-won’s hand, as if to snap him out of his thoughts.

“No. He wouldn’t have died,” Heo Do-gyeong said firmly.

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“…Why do you think that?”

Kang I-won’s gaze, which had been fixed downward, lifted to meet Heo Do-gyeong’s.

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Holding Kang I-won’s gaze unwaveringly, Heo Do-gyeong spoke with conviction.

“You said you wanted to live. Even without the dome, you would have had the same thought. You would have stayed alive, taken your brother to see the ocean, eaten lots of delicious food, and made happy memories for him before returning to your old life. And one day, just like now, you would have become an Esper.”

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“……”

“That’s what would have happened. I’m certain of it.”

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“……”

Kang I-won fell silent.

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Not once had he ever considered that possibility.

In his mind, the outcome was inevitable: his brother would die, and he, who had gone there to die, would survive. That was why he believed his brother’s death was his fault. That he had killed him.

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Seeing Kang I-won remain silent, Heo Do-gyeong softened his voice, speaking with a gentle, soothing tone.

“You tried to protect your brother, didn’t you? Whether you held him close or pushed him away, once the monster appeared, the outcome wouldn’t have changed. You did everything you could in that moment, Esper Kang I-won.”

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Kang I-won lowered his head, biting his lip hard. Heo Do-gyeong continued.

“So stop burdening yourself with unnecessary guilt. Trust me, I’ve been there—it only eats away at you. You’ve mourned long enough. And let’s be clear, this wasn’t your fault. You seem to have misunderstood something: it wasn’t you who killed your brother. It was the monster. Don’t get that twisted.”

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This is why I didn’t want to say anything.

He didn’t want to hear that it wasn’t his fault. Because hearing it might make him believe it. And if he believed it, maybe the crushing guilt that had haunted him for so long would finally release him.

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Kang I-won’s voice trembled as he asked, “…Can I… really do that?”

“Yes,” Heo Do-gyeong replied firmly. “I blamed myself a lot after my mother died too. I even went to therapy. But eventually, I came to accept that it wasn’t my fault, and I got better. You’ll get better too, Kang I-won. And if you want, I’ll help you.”

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Heo Do-gyeong’s kind yet resolute words felt almost intoxicating in their sweetness.

As Heo Do-gyeong released his hands, freeing Kang I-won’s, the latter raised his trembling hands to cover his face.

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This is bad.

The resolve he’d built to never rely on a Guide again wavered, like a patch of weeds uprooted in the face of a storm.

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Peeking through his fingers, Kang I-won stole a glance at Heo Do-gyeong. His gaze drifted toward Heo’s lips, still slightly swollen from earlier, and he found himself unable to look away.

I’m just an ordinary Esper after all, he thought bitterly. Just like any other Esper, drawn to a Guide I’m compatible with, consumed by possessiveness.

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The desire he’d suppressed for so long was starting to resurface, provoked by Heo Do-gyeong’s words and actions.

But Heo Do-gyeong was an S-rank Guide. To think of him as a mere companion for a regenerative Esper like himself felt greedy.

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Still… if his ability really was fading, if it truly was disappearing—then maybe, in the short time he had left…

Kang I-won reached out with trembling arms and gently grabbed Heo Do-gyeong’s arm. This time, he wasn’t pushed away. Instead, Heo Do-gyeong’s warm hand covered his, and that warmth melted away the last of his resistance.

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Maybe it’s okay to want this.

“I want you to stay by my side, Guide Heo Do-gyeong,” Kang I-won said softly, his voice carrying the weight of a small but heartfelt desire.

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At his words, a gentle, graceful smile curved across Heo Do-gyeong’s lips.