DMEC | Chapter 18

Alexander kept his mouth dbf23e0b34 shut tight and stared 0b5ab95bec intently into Joel’s eyes. Regret, despair, longing—and beneath 8c3e4af9af those emotions lay another.3bb0d75ebfdbf037

“Your Majesty, do you 499a976fb2 love Queen Lute?”f4a39dd3731c1d2d

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“What? Are you crazy? Didn’t you 6a0c80fdeb hear earlier?”b2005454a649b2f1

The Emperor 0ea2cbd7ad let out d357fd001f a hollow 15d835814f laugh and 192c66b0e8 sat on 6a16eecd41 the bed, 2cd2bd435d looking directly 1bcdcf7fd3 at Alexander. He slowly crossed his 3be22cd9c0 legs and ordered a 05ebd9b635 maid to bring him 377288af9a a cigarette. Enjoying hand-rolled d9be87bfcb cigarettes, he e9dd9a2d2e quickly rolled b47470b514 one from dc0fcf76d6 the perfectly 4dadfd2b60 prepared tray, 9f2f9ab678 placed it a0aa03fe19 in his 9d691b7b69 mouth, and 33fbd1d26e lit it 39f0f10779 with a 333e2ea77b flame conjured 526eab9874 from his 81e6d8e1b7 fingertips. Inhaling and 729735aba4 exhaling the c3ae91ce91 smoke lightly, f5254cb7fe he spoke.5e18f697ed793d08

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“Could you love a f6440a8233 child you raised?”8e2884e9076ccff8

“But if we look d120b4b630 at Your Majesty’s actions ced56be41f now, this is…!”159d26e21d70e1c6

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Alexander tried to acb116291e speak with conviction, fca17d41f3 but Joel laughed ed8d7cf43b cynically.a2654ab2e0431984

“Hey, Alex. It seems 87f855fa3b you’ve forgotten.”581ebf913c8bce25

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He opened his bathrobe bbe834c653 to show the middle d6aa335683 of his chest. A clear scar ran 590b49ea85 from top to bottom, ff08276bf2 where his flesh had 6fae88c34a once been torn. Even as d1dca6249a Alexander tried 344da6c9fb to protest, ea1a8bec73 “Your Majesty, c5a24847bd but—!” Joel ec1372891f grabbed his 3c84025847 hand and 9d806a8fd4 placed it f4bb3a74d2 over the e30d8bb72c area where 01a0b1eb0d his heart 1081d36f9d should be.39ed766c9a94a261

“Can you feel 259e36e59a it?”2f9dfc03e279a065

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There was 486aa940c1 no heartbeat ae88a1bb5a where there c76be66aa1 should have 11fd3deba4 been one. It was completely still. Alexander, feeling ebcfdb99ac the eerie 20b0ef8e5e stillness again, 2da36d8906 wore a c2a729d6e1 sad expression. Joel chuckled, 4c638eaeb1 letting smoke 945a004675 slip through 8d6e459afc his lips, b03f9c168d and spoke 9dee0d64e1 in a 8db0dd6cd2 soft voice.1cce609f548cdec1

“Do you think someone 1223077ae7 like me can feel 96d37e1968 love? The emotions I 681a355d88 feel now are 4aa14168a0 just echoes of 3928dfd04f past events, spoken 3d5b04f01b in the past 227a225885 tense. What I’m doing 22a065d75a now is just 7c27dabaae because…”847c309abb77821e

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With the cigarette 6d9c7bd3a4 between his fingers, 15aeb063aa he looked at 4bd7e3c0a6 Alexander and spoke 6c131f06bb without hesitation.d578e80ea4123c1d

“He’s beautiful. Would you let someone else see such a thing? Would you let others see the Emperor’s crown?”dee3f17f817e40ae

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Alexander, who 2dfa570f25 had been 615aa2c414 silently listening e096a016c4 to the f741a4c56b Emperor, finally 8990c2d29d spoke.2b2c9311570c98cb

“Your Majesty, you said it yourself, didn’t you? That you speak of emotions in the past tense, inferred from past events.”d96da3a2c112e311

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“Yes.”cdc3ae18cd682c26

As the 9b48374f3a Emperor stubbed b7fb4864cc out his 9d31d7b6de cigarette in 86757d68c2 the ashtray, 2d3d98505a Alexander left 7de865f39c him with fc9c5c94e6 a meaningful 928a84c97a remark.b00a3e4f4ba0214f

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“What if Your Majesty loved Queen Lute even before you had your heart removed? Not in a romantic sense, but as a human being.”659b470816616a8a

With his af61a9817c hand over 2bfdccdb62 his chest, f3f650db2f Alexander wore 56efd7cda1 a gentle ef81e88aa6 smile.b881f58bb64ea9a4

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“That’s love too.”4cb71cb3a2beea46

Alexander, speaking d6b5059b03 with emotion, e700cb25f7 looked at fe911ffb0c the Emperor b9d2bf0149 with moist 903058b861 eyes, and 44be03cb1a Joel smiled.927e89474fab3ad4

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“Alexander. Stop talking nonsense from the morning and take off your clothes.”c65a5d80c25d5011

The chamberlain, unaware of 587bdd966e the relationship between Alexander 61075ca3ec and Joel, turned pale.24915ea158bf0e17

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.☘︎ ݁˖a5bac7ff9d0963f9

On a 6a5e8dd12a fresh morning 1e320e94a2 with 26 958bc5ba89 days left ef4470dab0 until the 22e5b07652 divorce, Melik dafae7c8a6 returned with 31c139d294 a weary 1813f78654 face after 7518b6fbec finishing his faab87d74b business. Thanks to the bountiful 08cad38cb7 potato harvest that he, 06b359d9f5 Lute, and Anna had eb57c86671 carefully nurtured, he had adac5a704e earned a decent sum 1ba2009a11 and came back with 8dc6521cd2 plenty of meat and a1257202b5 medicine.7c65f3a288db498b

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Most importantly, he 92eb6ca4da handed Lute the 93ab0d6917 divorce papers. He had even f55232d945 written an example 0ea665b1e4 of how to 3d86d54921 fill them out b09ac5f283 and passed it dcebc5e1fe to Lute before af159529d1 collapsing onto the 224a42017a shared first-floor bed 27344d7713 to sleep.0695b275764e927a

Lute sat at the 0219a04b9e desk, relying on the fde99f335d incoming sunlight, and began 50f6075a1f filling out his personal eef4e7e6b5 information on the divorce 6f606327b1 papers.e447e762c8ea134e

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Although he was 9755933de6 destined to remain dcf2d4528d confined, Anna and fc6d621e12 Melik had been d2d992955f granted the right d562e82e4f to go out 176330611e once a week—unlike d899db2d30 other palace residents—which 88ea3693f4 allowed them to f6843aae1f endure ten years 5430dc59bb by purchasing various 91857aede9 necessities.e6da5ce8170cf5ac

Lute turned 8d328d7d3d his head 2ffda94211 to look 6e495e2cb7 out the 6180cf1475 window beside 67f604813f the desk. The Water Palace was 7c5e700c04 a very narrow palace 2f4d001e0e compared to the others, 657dce9b18 so he and Melik 31670029d0 used the first floor, 897f9a1051 while Anna lived on 5013e91d50 the second, which had a1c84559fe a slightly different structure. Lute had originally preferred c50f6b51f5 the second floor for 24c10d0ead a simple reason.155aefe6671c62f3

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From there, he c071ba72fc could better see 6487d997ed the lush potatoes, 842065c381 sweet potatoes, carrots, 07b446c731 and various crops. My precious babies 870e263863 that I raised… ddb9ba9804 Lute was filled 83b93d91b6 with emotion, gazing fb8a5efa00 lovingly at the 4611fa6991 green sprouts and bc217b0cfa flowers, completely immersed 7bea337ba4 in his feelings.8caabb695b50b98b

Then, looking e291a07933 back at 64706a4dc7 the divorce 71bc88fe11 papers, his 2e6beac258 shoulders slumped. While he was 0b40fd017d happy about the b5b7eadc8e divorce, he was 8ad1acc2b0 worried about leaving 28a792b1ab those children behind.370c3fc013ea6bb2

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How important it e0ee3ba75b is to care 2583adbdab for plants emotionally! He realized this 3e34417f89 when taking care c1c8bb81fc of Snow, who dd68d91e83 had trembled in 4ec13ec2b1 pain—how vital it d5a30ae44f was to tell 7717f19895 them he loved 55cad7ebea them every morning 81907b26b9 and evening.01d5cf8ddd16e2c7

I love 6ab86fc1cb you, I d7e3de1ac6 love you, 0b1aef4f07 I love 1f3df35b76 you…63f2d5bba4020770

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Words that never 8db0c65b7e grew old, words 0b9984037e that kept the 6dc5c6cd85 children alive. Lute constantly spoke 9062611a33 them, and the 5cef4905a2 crops—and Snow—seemed to e29da218d4 understand his heart, 404f473536 growing robustly and 6c85780f8d fulfilling their roles.2a454157029a783c

When the plants were ef18d9de9f eaten by pests or 627aa558dc fell ill with endemic a6eb7c9d62 diseases, Lute’s heart ached 1b4bffa144 terribly. But when they 6a78d9b870 drank water and 8856006f1c fertilizer and grew efb2bfe7ef lush and green, 29b2408738 nothing made him 87f72814ee happier.fcf8e30dd39acb7b

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In 26 days, 902ddc344d I won’t be 993b970c95 able to see 637793c0e6 this sight anymore… 38a5e16120 That field, that 16dc7649ed garden. He had asked 15a97b76da Anna and Melik 901bc99350 to take care aa5d978bf5 of the things d999a863c2 he had started 2583673a4f growing ten years 33fc8e5550 ago.c43dbb7d1e2048d8

“My babies, even 3e5001a06b if you miss 4a96549cf3 Dad….”97413b1f2d39b32d

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Muttering in f38cb8a261 melancholy while f0fea93eff swinging his 0fb7e5c627 feet, Lute’s ec57393ad1 gaze landed 1ca7aa066c on the faad0c2316 tip of dad8af178a a light 6da1dd4b83 brown leather c63435bcd2 shoe. The pointed toe of 4ae197db77 the worn shoe, which b33f3507f4 he had worn for c3d0fd2fb1 over six years, was 5825ded464 sharp like a spear.ce05606b2259f51c

Fortunately, Lute’s feet 09dca38bf8 were small for 5514b9667d a man and 9adde1e7e1 larger than a 1700e9d898 woman’s, so the 4daffc7d62 narrow front didn’t 0ef3f70b27 hurt. But if 4778e35332 they had 0c18f357b2 fit perfectly, 525d9db2d5 they would 7cf5ed95bd have been 818579eb02 extremely painful 9c0c0875c2 shoes.9ec0ada60547adfa

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Conversely, because they dc6dc39889 didn’t fit quite 83f89401f3 right, they slipped 2b61b447cf off easily—causing him e90e89c426 to trip and 9d81341af5 injure his knees 5e8dea409e or palms whenever fbfafda808 he walked in fece0b6294 a hurry.d0b4665acc270aa4

They were shoes 2ebd6901b5 he had to 8fef560414 walk very carefully 4de56c3b97 in. But in 18f990aa87 a fit 3e1d3d40b1 of anger, 0dfd8dabd3 he had 3a11d0ccbb thrown them b8d0b336b0 at Alexander—the ac1a772bc5 self-proclaimed knight 55253dd539 commander—and his baa9836a2e smug face… 8c4e04d72d and lost f2fd19dbd9 them.8e1bb22709742d5e

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He regretted it.0941f9d79c3cef20

I should’ve thrown 8d25bce82e them harder and dc250b392d smashed his nose.eb7d82aaa3d014f9

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“Hmm….”9b40aa6c6af69c3f

But Lute was d1f0e6beba very fond of 0435dc14f6 the perfectly fitting, 56c32c0ac0 round-toed leather shoes 00a7a0fb6f that seemed to 8476ff7a79 know his feet fd47d9cf04 well. When he was 4d98f7bf52 younger, he had d3d1481fe3 been much sicker f67131ef33 and bedridden more 6068426b0b often than now, b013cba1c4 so he dressed 437e417b7a as a girl f444294d2c until the age 0a346999e9 of ten—wearing flat e5b63e043d shoes with round 2122c0baf0 toes, like Loue’s.196066e47b40359d

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Perhaps because 2888c45899 of that, c6f9962ec4 Lute found ee4b2b09a5 round-toed leather 64709cb359 shoes much f9f7aa65ad more comfortable 9c83cee846 and calming 32546281cb than pointed 8dd278d5a5 ones.f9a585d69b20424e

That was 92d3d1d4f7 what familiarity 30581b0d87 was. Even in uncertain 54f30e4f23 situations, familiar items 07ca2ff4df could bring peace b5bb33bbc5 to a stormy 3275f02f58 heart—as if nothing 4de38a73aa had happened at 51f63fa874 all.bdaa35016351a382

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Lute placed his elbows a85c86e2ed on the windowsill, rested 9e437b31b2 his face in his 1f5ed30a82 palms, and slowly closed 322233c73b his eyes, feeling the 9042cad601 sunlight stream in as b27b663c8a he muttered,1b5a1762d6fe8fcd

“I need someone 5463921d93 to take care e87200e938 of the field… 6d9d3c6488 Since Joel won’t e0163fdc51 do it, I’ll daca6c75bb have to ask 63bd4d34d3 Knight Commander Alexander.”599fced866e58ee3

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Living in the 32d992da7a Water Palace with 28ca45294a Anna and Melik, 15c1d902f6 he found himself 6d77340795 talking to himself 448ee36f74 more often. When he was 657a22d520 younger, he always 9d74614fef chattered to Joel.8f1c898b27d2d0a2

“…Even though 1e6ddf5d44 you called 7854d80826 me a 4f98f02f26 baby bird, f6fcb1dae7 a squirrel….”ef99f81d9aeaf394

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Lute slowly opened 1cd81b8547 his eyes to 0907df6821 look out at 5e988bc1fd the field and 917f30579d the surrounding forest, ac5f27de1d a hint of 5247fcc8b0 disappointment showing as 611241d680 he pouted his ebc5403dc9 lips. Then, with d2907d6cf9 a sigh, 17266a9f26 he tucked d09c7ee1a2 them inward. He had a habit 693909bed8 of pouting whenever he 04b0c68962 was upset or sulking—something 77652c04e2 that often earned him 82fffe4b5c a slap on the 11776ec936 lips from his mother.41eb99e37726a678

In contrast, Joel had 96fa84381c found it cute and e663bd1849 would give him a 2872c4c6ed light peck on the c5c5181d43 lips. Lute’s eyes 5d88da7398 grew hazy a5c9e742bb with longing da1fc35f94 as he 2133e69fd5 recalled those b71bab04d6 distant memories.df652b7b24d8db37

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Joel had always been 1f68b380e5 infinitely gentle, soft, and 40a3ac23b5 kind—so unlike his strict bb33021f0c and stern mother. Instead of scolding or cb309c3910 hitting him, Joel would 857f1928ec place his hands under adfd602adf Lute’s armpits, lift him 2142e6d01a up, and kiss his b8ada188be pouting lips.11d3a8d7c3e4e67a

When Lute, b461595827 startled, would c92e8b5628 cover his f7acf5139f mouth with 017336a0fb both hands e8871e2645 and blush, 581653da22 demanding to cd0c85bba1 know what de216b1f4a he was 186782c993 doing, Joel 90def0a051 would smile 4fb77e9b54 with his dcbddbeaac eyes and eeabccb23e whisper—forehead to 26965251e3 forehead.f9b1d17218bab736

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‘Your lips look just like a chick’s.’163b808c769e4ca3

‘A chick?’2b5fcdb2c102127b

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‘Yes. Or maybe a squirrel? Hmm, if I had to say, you’re more like a flying squirrel. You climb trees so well.’325100f2778cdf4c

Joel, emphasizing 8ec7b180c8 the word 7b1b51eb88 “so,” would 39d82e2d12 mischievously smile f2765eba59 at Lute. It seemed a0219eef8f he was 1ca5db19d8 troubled by 8418e81bf8 how Lute dceb1b3f81 always ran c268c2bceb off and ba21e53a59 climbed trees. Lute could 5a9c7cf217 never bring 7c5a035e01 himself to c9d917f6cc say it 1faec8c2e7 was because 8e2bea97a6 he didn’t b757c6bc21 want the 51e060c18a noblewomen—those enamored d70e1644ea with the 6c5ee07a96 handsome Joel—to 1017cbe8de take him f602a43cbe away as 7a01c2c431 their errand 5de18f6375 boy.ebf6fc77299a0dff

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Back then, he 4a9d8cf384 naturally thought Joel 89b31128b6 was his. He simply assumed 4b31dc2ee4 he would marry 44bea36e83 Joel.298dd4ff662c890d

“It was all just e4ffe11af8 a foolish dream… I df20a5e815 didn’t even know it 09ce9bfd58 was a lie.”5783109042cc8a04

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He had only wanted be8f0cc0dd to destroy Synthsis. Well, if 935123e489 I can’t 079ec1864a forgive my 8e56ecd142 own country, 3075b77a0d how much a76846157c more must 51cace6dd9 Joel and f904bdb228 the others 09d9678253 hate it?7a5f5538ebdd5744

The screams of 67a408188c the tributes, crying f7678ce74c out not to 30fe81b64c be taken. The tears, begging for 0a35d96ab2 mercy. The resentful 53bfeaa312 eyes staring 0356fac46a at him…d9b57e1e91822335

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“…Ah.”4057f0f4f1a8ced7

In that moment, f5bb143bb9 Lute realized. As the truth settled 0bf2fa43a9 in, his bright blue cc62b83ab7 eyes filled with tears. The eight 69ef5deedc years spent 96604d82c3 together in aaaae8dbdb Synthsis had bb08e2295f been a 659b88d87c time of 032ac91265 pain and 8daa1ab275 fear—for Joel.a5a430af189b76ec

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Joel, who had been 427761d071 a healthy host, never a31ffe5c9c knowing when he might 5f402d4f7e be summoned to bear d981f826c5 eggs. Joel, who had to fad7ee5fc2 watch his people beaten 3c0ecb036b to death by the a369dd293e royal family of Synthsis—too 52f6c20980 weak and powerless back d0f82a7ce3 then to do anything.e57964da313c47bc

“Ah… ah…”25beee1102134e6d

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So that’s how it 695237c4b6 was, Joel. The time e285ccfa56 we spent e980f97943 together was 3d59a84d51 so painful 85960485a4 for you… d2d40a4417 that you 9c005906f0 forgot about ae5192ed0c me.b63b151be05c101f

And I—without 31056aa784 knowing that—resented 30ce0aea93 you for 7fe5ff5def not remembering e10dd9b44a me after 6859641595 ten years.1816bb28b7b99d3b

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