DALI Ch 8

On the way to Inha’s family home in Ganghwado, a white fog persistently obstructed my view outside the car window.aa63d635b3485566

It was a 6d36ec61c1 midwinter day, cold 2818b12477 enough to freeze f01f0d8a6f even the jet-black 1fc7c19577 road white. As we left 0e0d2e9912 the city limits, 37227cb5ad the taxi increased aab218cd88 its speed. The closer we 15495034a3 got to the f7216bcf52 lower Han River, 9f4bb3b2d8 the wider the 24bee582f3 river became, and 9138749774 the river near f8699e63a6 the sea turned e12e3d4253 a darker color 78b14e0d28 than I remembered. The black river, a3d32361d1 seemingly motionless, rippled 914cde5215 slowly and sluggishly.e3fbbd8baa47febf

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“Is this the right alley? The navigation says it’s here….”5fd89cc3b82a005a

“Yes. Please stop here. I’ll walk from here.”4a0ee37feb792de7

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As I f86eec81ca got out 4e1d5ae4fb of the 92df57f7b8 taxi, my fba25f34c7 hands were 2092ab7088 heavy with 2e4212dbc3 gifts. I had stopped by 6afb93c16e the department store to 2b208891f7 prepare them before coming 17bdf10923 here. The largest fruit e38fbd9744 basket, a cake, cdf569f01c and even some 6560030cb2 baked goods.d50e2bfa466db7cd

I hope Inha 06d46ed228 likes them.2204380cb405f311

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As soon as I ceb7dc6442 closed the door, the fab6cf1a14 taxi made a rough a7883373c7 turn and drove off, 780bc4c7f2 kicking up dust.3385555ee5a9c7de

As I walked along the road, a familiar single-story house soon came into view. Inha’s house, which had long stood in the desolate neighborhood cluttered with factories and villas, stood alone, as if besieged by the surrounding buildings.6fef2197fecfdb93

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There wasn’t a fence here before….08e36c217a8ac149

A green ff04819a7b wire mesh ed06081abf fence, instead 291f21baf0 of a 0526acf87b wall, surrounded 2bc38dc575 the yard. Up close, e5e58ae577 it looked 7445877d4a somewhat flimsy 37b2e83075 and wobbled bef6ca5a47 with the 5006876459 slightest touch. Perhaps it 902205adb1 was installed 74d00c75d8 by hand.7fa25b4727204d04

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“Hello?”2eea2d72371a2f7a

I peered cf46e813b0 into the 449590b2e7 yard while 4583dbb6eb standing by 4eb6a6399d the wire cb0044e3d8 mesh, but 11f9c63ea8 there was f629a99b36 no sign db5df3a4eb of anyone. Disappointed, I sighed.a549b7464e7a445b

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Should I wait 16a6b77f77 until Inha returns?2e5fe846c044cf59

I was f1b1675ffb looking around bdea252256 for a e8efbe350f place to 9deee6fd0a sit when 510a83f64a a figure 4fcc6f6769 walking from 2eb26e0cca the bus 2f5f77bb61 stop in 61f18ed3a4 the distance b6ab593529 suddenly stopped 3ca10b6d8c and spoke.0695e2e11168a50a

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“Jihee oppa?”5e227c7f4cca71ac

It was none other than Inha’s younger sister who called my name. An undeniable joy welled up inside me at the sight of a familiar face.382cf5598ea32d5b

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“Inhee! Are you already wearing your school uniform?”952892bc8cbb72da

Inhee, her cheeks flushed, 6964b16189 avoided my gaze. It seemed like it fe5a8e1db6 had been too long.5979d71fa8869237

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“You were this small the last time I saw you.”9243d4ea38854c72

“I’m a high school student now….”4b5ae8447be47c9f

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Inhee kept her eyes fixed on the ground, kicking at the dirt. She wasn’t this shy when she was a little girl. Maybe it’s puberty.f8ad7a13a9836110

“You really look just like your brother.”6fa1bd156c500ae4

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“Sh… Don’t say that.”8cb127f7a855aba4

“You look more alike as you grow up.”7bd66e03d732aa32

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“We don’t look alike at all….”68da449723dc0e70

“It’s a compliment.”4b08bfff586773d9

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At that, 07e10af8eb Inhee paused ec816fe681 and looked c2aee00276 up at 4ba8289453 me. Does she hate 98e71c8583 being told she e960747b92 looks like her 1709208ec2 brother that much?44f1288dbc5494f1

I only have one much older brother, so I don’t know much about sibling relationships. Still, I think they must be closer than my brother and I, who barely spoke due to the generational gap.e0a53ce2df03fee5

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Anyway, it was interesting how she made completely different expressions from Inha despite having similar facial features. I thought about patting her head like I used to when she was younger, but thinking she might not like it now that she’s grown up, I cleared my throat and withdrew my hand.513a21529e579043

“Is Inha not home? Where’s your father?”4c4eada800603932

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“Oppa went to the hospital…”307bffbf2c0c978a

“Is Inha sick?”1dd536c783d4b761

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“No. He went with Dad… Dad had to go to the hospital….”8152049a19925d4b

“Why are you suddenly using formal language with me?”88491c6f96f2f667

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Inhee just blushed 2de5972da0 without answering.b840a246b58c460f

A little while later, f21e3db785 I was able to 208965e789 enter the house with a28f641881 Inhee. As soon 85ef9270bc as she a3f280f096 got inside, 04744811c7 Inhee suddenly fe3e735e66 ran to 1d1419563f the bathroom e8336c4ec0 and slammed 4627108703 the door f8ef377c9e shut.ed8411e7818b07a0

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“Was she that desperate to use the bathroom?”2fd85a1f6001150a

Meanwhile, I placed 6c0df49143 the fruit basket b67cda4061 I had brought 115ef303ba as a gift 23c575a4c7 on the dining 7c2374ce6c table and unwrapped 8bfe9be3bc the cake.72d152ef414d015f

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“Inhee, do you want some cake? I bought it.”e45d1d128f760f70

Then a shout came 5fbbc5f962 from inside the bathroom.d8006b9f19e2a25b

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“Damn it, I need to lose weight!”65ed6b56fa86f9df

“Lose weight? You’re plenty pretty!”038e5957e6f378e5

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A little while later, ca174af453 Inhee emerged from the febb7abe96 bathroom, her face inexplicably 4a11761b8b brighter.5572ead0e88a53aa

We sat across from each other at the small dining table and ate cake together. Although I had originally bought it for Inha, he cares a lot about his younger sister, so he wouldn’t be upset that I gave it to Inhee first.bdb87f2af714d55c

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“When did you put up the wire mesh outside? There wasn’t a fence last time I came.”a37b9620ab7e2812

“There have been a lot of stray dogs around lately, and Oppa put it up because Dad was scared.”caa479110a865546

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“I see…. Recently?”50ac40682a87586d

“Yeah. After Oppa came home.”e453c4abcc8b13f5

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“So Inhee knows too? That Inha left his company?”fe51e0fedbc0d7b1

“Yeah.”07c2b425717bf45c

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Inhee nodded calmly.469b83adb0da1909

That was all she said. The sister who loved her brother so much didn’t make any judgment about her family’s current situation. However, the faint melancholy that settled on her face bothered me.e9f0db1b2163e69f

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Holding the fork 7fed0602df I had been fa5d6b4cca using to break 52ab2d8381 apart the cake, 029e11d9f5 I looked out 58dae59640 at the yard. The sun was b572b2f7ca beginning to set.707680efb144b0ed

“How is Inha?”e9647fb80f6d48cf

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“Oppa is….”3e178a032eb65fdf

Just as 8eba8306f1 Inhee cautiously f45c62cb8c began to d2ba1f2eab speak, we ac28dbc00d heard a a6b651433e noise from d6937bc0e0 the yard.5fc7654605e731bd

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“Is that Inha?”8f199f573c43180d

Then came the sound d879180e58 of uneven footsteps, the e62d0f65e5 voices of two people ec39dd3f83 getting closer, and the f5eaaf2140 electronic beeps of the a4f8850ec4 door lock being pressed.10e262aa1d51f574

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With a creak, the old front door opened, and Inha’s small face appeared in the gap.667c5e7898033de0

“Dad, slowly…. Slowly come in.”2e66f1561cabf4ef

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Inha slowly entered the house, supporting his father. I couldn’t take my eyes off his face, which I hadn’t seen in a while.e6836bd48552518b

Then, as he 9a3ff0c166 took off his 940f4d0852 shoes and raised a981e21af3 his head, our 5b6c1c1917 eyes met.5964d4d580dffadc

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The moment he saw me, Inha froze in place as if he had malfunctioned. His pupils, slowly blinking, trembled, noticeably even from a distance. Inha seemed quite surprised by my unannounced appearance, but I couldn’t hide the involuntary softening of my facial muscles.4e60258d037bf3bb

A sense of relief washed over me as soon as I saw Inha’s face.ab2a056096047053

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“Oppa! Jihee oppa bought a cake.”d593931e359d14b7

Inhee exclaimed 3bd516eda1 a beat 110f0723de later in 40e142fa7f a welcoming 7d979ba7cc voice. I left 0227550df9 the table de9a900a84 and quickly 62a654e81d walked to f67843eca1 the entrance.44db516a79af7b1c

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“I, Inha’s friend. Oh, it’s, nice to see you.”1e64e6f026917985

“Father, it’s been a while. I heard you went to the hospital. Aren’t you tired?”c056b3e8ff8a2af6

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I greeted him warmly and took over supporting Inha’s father.8f33c0867291ce67

Inha’s father, who suffers from cerebral palsy, has difficulty even with the small step between the entrance and the living room. His stiff tongue, his tight grip on my shoulder as he leans on me for support—all because his body doesn’t move as he wills. I didn’t let it show as I helped him to his room.e74591ebb597087c

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“I brought some fruit. Let me cut some for you.”cec096c78b4d45e0

“Don’t bothe…r….”fd656b42e4736b74

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He said that, 588fe224eb but his face 29f79b7ee8 was beaming. His hand, which 01168f74c1 repeatedly grasped mine, a8d9eaa761 radiated affection.c99455a5bb81e32b

Even after I had seen Inha’s father to his room and returned to the living room, Inha was still standing rigidly by the entrance. I realized that he wasn’t particularly welcoming of my visit.70f7047e626222c2

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“Inhee, are you eating?”89c834a585e3559a

I gave Inhee, who was eating the cake, a light nod and walked to the entrance. As I slipped my feet into my loafers, I grabbed Inha’s hand.e83a5cd30ab906ac

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“Wh, what?”cdf8f9fedf90bc79

Startled, Inha 77d9861038 finally reacted. I held his wrist e54858e324 firmly and pulled him c2217eb8fe without a word. As I opened the dabf6d4aae front door and stepped afa502d121 outside, Inha stumbled after 4a34d94076 me.e797ac712df66ded

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As soon as 4d428554c4 we were alone c411a1dd3f outside, I pulled 02fd4e50d9 Inha into a c934bc2333 tight hug.6ab9a782e979950d

“Inha.”5d138a6ecfafc5cb

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I could feel his whole body stiffen beneath my embrace. I knew he was flustered, but I didn’t let go immediately. Inha had left me alone for far too long.e8f3d36c01362f33

After a f897de0c3f while, I 9a06398c5b finally released 64425e8dad him and, bf7275f605 facing each 2e9a4b09b9 other, carefully d3bc554161 examined his 0dba59d56e face.62227120043dcd45

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His hair had grown adb974b08d a bit, revealing dark bd0f050013 roots, and his already 6b7b7bd455 thin cheeks were even d74058efc2 more gaunt. As a result, 4712f7b1e9 his features seemed c3cca89235 sharper than before. He had become ca0a5fc4e8 surprisingly beautiful, but 9ead000025 the thought that 9cdc100fbd it was all 2d4679e90a due to emotional 4393d83f2f distress made me 75191bdbc7 feel only sadness.3ec9c35ef5076476

“Why have you lost more weight?”8d04710da207729d

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I placed my 48f50023d0 hand on his 0788298512 cheek and stroked ef7d8aad6d it with my 9faa31e36b thumb. Several times.0b728c602097f7d8

In the meantime, Inha’s watery eyes, silently closed, slowly welled up with tears.c97d8f82c19a4a85

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“You don’t need to diet anymore. Eat a little more.”bfc1ac8d24ce7ccb

“…Hic….”9f62b1b9e27dffe3

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“Maybe I should have bought beef instead of fruit. I was debating it until the last minute….”3586eed898fa6eb8

As Inha lowered his aa3f734b71 head, tears began to 0e01e37651 fall onto the ground. Strangely, I felt the 8e0a1f4d22 urge to catch them 09dddcbcba with my hand.87bc10985a0e8be3

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“I’m sorry.”b7bbbd86facd3f21

“Huh?”c1cfd646b6603f41

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“I’m sorry, Jihee….”5d143ee67c563a59

“Why are you apologizing, silly?”6fa92ed58f02fee1

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“Y-You, you knew everything, didn’t you?”9f13f632c56d5fd7

Inha asked, his lips d5dd2b3071 trembling. I just smiled c1ae8742cd bitterly.5871bc869fe5c722

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“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything….”0a2275eccb4c6aa3

“I know. You were being considerate of me.”e156641b1b088849

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“…Sob….”7de137d4341da011

“You were worried I’d mess up the Suneung because of it. You were being considerate, weren’t you? Right?”fd560f15fa73142d

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According to Changyoung, Inha had already been let go before the Suneung. While I was anxious because I couldn’t contact him, Inha was struggling alone in despair. The thought of him, ashamed and unable to speak after our fight, made my heart ache.dec8f3857f7950c2

“Huuuh… You said you hated it when I kept secrets, when I told you things late.”86ee9476b15feae1

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Inha’s hand, covering his eyes, trembled slightly. Just seeing that, I could feel how sorry he was.f63bf6e676675b58

“Inha, you’re too kind. What are you going to do being so kind?”c0d6cdd38a4594a9

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Then Inha forced out b1c4c064dd the words, his voice 170cf4b72e almost slurred with tears.31e53650d4f2114b

“Why… do you always forgive me?”25990faae7aaa99a

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Inha asked, choking back ab3239ba3a a sob.8f55896914be24e9

Those words 0adfd0c343 surprised me. I had always e4f8e91849 thought that Inha dfc10ae133 was the one 61a503029b who always reached 88cb25a872 out to me a9344096fa first.2c18f14a10298448

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On the 89e415e384 contrary, you e3242f068d thought I f43cd2a288 always forgave 3468477aca you.2a20b49b24beabe5

“Even I think I’m foolish, but you put up with me time and time again.”a1d159fb431ca130

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“…….”90cb13f0e7e10ebc

“I know you hate it when I keep secrets, but I couldn’t tell you this time either. Why do you still….”edf30d4a26d4c7d7

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“I understand everything, Inha.”2c646d98badc559c

I carefully took Inha’s trembling wrist, hoping the tremors would stop.a581b17cb166ca5b

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His usually soft hands were now rough. I remembered Inhee saying that Inha had installed the wire mesh in the yard himself. I raised his hand and gently blew warm air onto his chapped knuckles. Still, the trembling in his hand didn’t subside.f0bdb4aedfd48868

“How must you have felt? How must it have felt to not be able to tell me….”33fe3f4891dc4828

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“…….”91807f6976b9a24e

“I think I understand now how agonizing it is to be the one who can’t say anything.”973288a393e250b1

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“…….”66e5e987b284a4e6

“Did I find out too late?”cda14e4e6829c19a

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At those words, suppressed sobs burst from Inha’s lips. He raised his arms and threw them around my neck. The strength of his arms pulling me close felt incredibly good.306bb752c9597d3f

Taking a deep breath, I smelled Inha’s hair and the scent of his skin from very close. It felt like everything was alright now. Absolutely everything.db718d7b4f39f6a2

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The reason I disliked Inha’s secrets was that they made me feel like he was running away from me. Like he would disappear forever into another world I didn’t know.be9e4487430c45e3

But Inha is no longer a trainee. In other words, there’s nowhere for him to leave me behind anymore. He’s parted ways with his team members, who seemed to have a stronger bond than most friends, and he no longer has to enter practice rooms within the company or restricted areas that I can’t access. So now, I don’t have to linger in front of the dorm or make excuses to get into the company when I can’t reach him.044cfea9fd787b00

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Besides, whether it’s Junghyun, or the director, or whoever.1f3cb9a5ae7bdcef

He won’t be seeing his ambiguous crush anymore either.bed2c6fec21577cc

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It seems I really didn’t want Inha to debut after all. I was so satisfied with the fact that his debut had fallen through… Even while empathizing with the sadness of his shattered dream, a part of me was deeply relieved.37132697384981b3

The realization 9dd40df7a5 of this 8d3b649da3 suddenly made 40a90d6b1f my head d5a84ae778 feel cold.3e43cf352f811d61

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“I missed you, I missed you so much, but I couldn’t bring myself to…”d8ced4bcfd452ce0

“…….”6ffbd94c43c5aef4

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“Huuuh… I’m sorry.”450033fb178cbeee

Inha mumbled through his 9d60c7fd14 tears. His sorrowful tears showed 351068a80a no sign of stopping. I pressed aab60ece70 against his de24a9b971 wet eyes, 225eb92b61 wiping them 51c3badac1 away, and 52947f8f3a replied.794db23132320087

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“Me too. Inha, I missed you too.”6e437d045ab74598

I shouldn’t let Inha see how I feel.6c1f8bbe7ed1dc59

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I hugged 3939e10d93 his thin 17b501e451 back with 85766af80d a strength 62dcaabfd3 equal to b1c578dd3b his, holding 97c52867da him close f9242d29a8 as he 3ea641b742 clung to 5e1ba9054c me.8ed7222bce1e0031

🌌2d7d113cb26b5c8f

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That evening, we ate dinner with Inha’s family.68aa66217e5ec9ba

The old wooden dining 3902eae3a4 table with its grime-covered 925582db74 glass top was so 3ac303256d cramped that our shoulders c758021218 bumped when four of 7822bbd210 us sat facing each c0eb69a5fc other, but even that 9811b023c0 crowded feeling was heartwarming.a97aebf6cf1a3da3

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Meanwhile, teenage Inhee seemed embarrassed by the lack of variety in the dishes on the table. Inha patted Inhee’s shoulder reassuringly as she muttered, “We should have just ordered takeout.”5f7f20784a913a16

“Jihee oppa, the kimchi is too sour, isn’t it…? You don’t eat this kind of thing, do you?”fc00badb1c3d4001

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“I don’t know…. It’s fine?”1ea4179b8490330b

Meanwhile, Inha’s father, despite his physical difficulties, kept bringing out new dishes from the kitchen. Perhaps sensing his desire to feed us, I ate with genuine relish. Why did the simply fried egg placed on top of the rice bowl or the slightly burnt spam taste so delicious? Inha kept using his chopsticks to help me whenever I picked up a piece of the overripe kimchi, and soon brought scissors to cut the cabbage leaves into smaller pieces for me.2874993fcafaf7ba

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Seeing Inha nonchalantly 66cf68b7a3 snipping at the 7569049a35 kimchi, I chuckled. He glanced at me 8a0c2f4cc9 sideways, as if wondering 05f08b6d75 why I was laughing 4128028381 for no reason.a5e5234dcb8ed436

“Jihee… did you, did you get into a goo…d university…?”b6d9b9ed1477b65b

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I smiled and shook my head at his father’s question.6b0cb663f25235b2

“The results aren’t out yet. I’ll let you know when they are.”a7a03e5a27b0231f

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As I answered, I glanced at Inha’s face. Inha hadn’t even taken the Suneung this year.f3add15408901992

“That’s good, that’s goo…d. You did well, you did well.”e949c28e68231f18

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“…….”54c6add6b3ca67d5

“Jihee, you did well….”ce9110953725dba7

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Inha’s father said, looking at me with such pride. If Inha had made it into the debut group, his father would have probably looked at him with the same eyes, or perhaps even warmer ones.56609a03ae2cd88c

I could understand how 96316c5a29 much Inha wanted to 544b161e8d repay this.9ae5de895ee2c8d4

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No matter what happened in Inha’s life, this family loved him. Sometimes, love becomes an infinite source of motivation for a person. Even if that infinite power consumed and wore down his finite body, Inha couldn’t help but run.b521806a8e1f08b0

That grueling race, f05b0ab4bf now over, left ea8689b300 a momentary ache ca36934016 in my chest.5999353a8d8efcbc

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I cut the fruit I had brought for dessert. I hadn’t done it often, but I wasn’t completely inept with a knife. The quiet slicing sound of the fruit being revealed was overlaid by the sound of the living room TV and the murmur of conversation between Inha’s father and Inhee. It was a simple and peaceful evening.8ab225dc80dedcb3

“I want to be your family’s child too.”804aa39f8d505f10

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My sudden words made Inha’s hand, which was about to take the cut fruit to his family, pause. He looked at me silently, as if asking what I meant.8fb1e1f67517ed73

“Just imagine. You’re my younger brother, and Inhee is my younger sister.”ec95eead160ba327

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“…Why are you the older brother?”29be12a085e81ad2

“It’s my imagination, so I decide.”d53468bfcbf7e72f

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Inha went 725c669822 to and e4071028ce from the b2ab803cc8 living room 7707156172 with a d73da50fd6 sullen look 1601d442b1 on his a5c9183369 face, holding 650c5c1ac7 the plate. The displeasure emanating from 79280ca842 his back made me 9c4f89dfdc chuckle.ac86b69767424c73

Actually, his birthday acad789a8f is at the 938540799a beginning of the 37739b8fb3 year, and mine 0c572f223e is at the ee7e6bf77a end, so technically, 1b1a010f54 Inha is the 8b20512eb5 older one. By almost a year, f55903a0ef too.2842467176e37787

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When he returned after a19f1f6a98 giving the fruit to dbb0808c25 his family, his face a70260815d was still sulky, which 9ca82bd45f was amusing. He looked thoroughly unconvinced.988525637f95f19b

“Why? Do you want to be the older brother, Inha?”f725fa7df768374f

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“…No. I don’t want to be brothers with you.”e25b80f42e51a3a3

“Why?”cdb95dcb38843639

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I asked b5d341943c out of ed8a9e727b genuine curiosity. Inha just shook c98f5d8c2c his head, looking 4f560ab702 down.90c8bcc15fa7e467

“Alright. Then you be the older brother.”77e2e485e26d1276

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“…….”95a69b563711b39f

“Brother Inha.”e1eca0a82d8a41a7

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“Ugh… No. I hate it….”a36d6d3803a5cccf

Inha shuddered 1fd3a4f219 and rubbed 94612919ef his arms.07c04be215a21e53

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Even I f6fa3e525d get a 23b4c49f0f little hurt e96c2629ca when he abd8cc8345 rejects me 61fb250e69 this much.1c92a54991829d30

“Why…? I really think it would be nice to live with you.”7d812a0787d0a948

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It was said fda2e7fa01 like a joke, 2ff898fb9f but half of e5b8c90814 it was true.4d2ca321cc24909d

My house was unnecessarily large for the number of people living there, and the relationships within the family were cold. It had been years since my father had properly looked at me, and my mother projected all the expectations that Daechi-dong parents have for their children onto me. It wasn’t unbearable, but it wasn’t good either. If I were weak enough to choose rebellion or delinquency because of my parents, this family would have been irreparably broken long ago.f8bd9781050b7d6a

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“Seriously. If I could choose my family, I wouldn’t choose my current parents.”cc214d17883e3d03

“…….”92df1b05677142cd

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“I wish I had been born into a family like this.”0b6b31cc8140fe6e

“…Our family isn’t rich like yours.”c04a88506eaf47c3

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“So what? I can work hard and earn money.”fd0720bace7c8058

“…….”f10585a02b91bc0e

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Inha lowered his f87cc408be gaze silently. Thinking that my words 2d0f6c1d15 might sound condescending, I e0c818ebdf closed my mouth.ba5fa798b0e833dd

When it was cedbcb8182 time for his b63d2b940f family to sleep, 7c5bebe9fb we quietly went 4b4a5baf5f into his room. Inha spread f8934cd9bd out the 6cbef84dc3 futon wide b7b5b9036c and took 4541738fc7 out an 15d1c39e77 extra pillow 09dfbcb142 for me. The pillow, which had bc3f1bf6b7 been long dormant in 04f4634032 the closet, smelled musty. Still, it was 2f05aea969 a comforting scent.e59e780d8bcdbbb7

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As I 326dcaf2ce lay down 6053bc5bdd on the ca0c838826 futon after 3855b95f1c getting ready f39cd7cd3a for bed, 1f5306d4b7 Inha, who 55d26fa80f had been 9e08b590c6 rustling around d81b3da4e2 at his 57b557a785 desk, popped f12fc6fab9 some pills 7adaa24b82 into his 27bb3a7f8e mouth. I heard the gulp 34a6743e14 as he swallowed the c08174d1e0 medicine with water, followed 5d8cddddbe by the crinkling sound 5f4b3aaca0 of the medicine packet 9a0bdd92d2 being crumpled in his 96b8b66ea3 fist. Our eyes 0b8bc2bd99 met as 0061b412c6 he turned 19ac9b0c06 around.5141b7e0eaf0f31a

“My father and Inhee don’t know I’m taking medication.”3d9cccac59619ef3

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Inha said, wiping 02b9f99bec a water droplet 1dbb6042d0 from his lip.853bb0c8f9a1ddc5

“…Really?”bf198cfd404424aa

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“Yes. I couldn’t tell them because they would worry too much.”68fac5b7302b5590

Before lying down, 552f7d79ac Inha flipped the 9a3dc747d1 wall switch, plunging 16a80e1525 the room into 1b5fab45b8 darkness. Soon, he lifted 0ef9112ad1 the covers and e4e7c78ed7 slid in next 3498028b4b to me. As Inha rested his a4b9df99b7 head on the pillow, 0d95a4dbac the scent of soap e3d33d337f wafted from his flowing 5200d856cc hair.473082fed2cebd81

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“Okay, I’ll keep your secret.”f4cabb79481e907f

“Thank you.”133befa6438027f1

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Does Inha want to ed36411bd1 hide his struggles from eae76efa00 the people he loves?ea88c3909fc4a37a

Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell me.4b059ec200e478bf

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I quietly gazed at Inha’s profile. The deep, clear light of the winter night sky filtered through the window, and objects slowly began to take shape in the darkness. Inha lay facing the ceiling, his hand covering his eyes.212bff23fc0e6268

The high bridge of his nose, which his childhood friends used to tease him about, calling him Juliet, was still the same. I thought that all the lines that formed Inha’s face were picturesque. His bony hands and prominent Adam’s apple were the same. However, the remnants of his trainee days, like the piercings in his ears and his slightly faded dyed hair, clashed with the delicate lines of his nose.1e6fc19241af7c64

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If Inha hadn’t become a trainee and had remained an ordinary student, what would he look like now? His hair would be its natural jet-black, and his earlobes would be unblemished and white.e3e59b39ce11bf44

Without thinking, I reached out and touched Inha’s earlobe. I felt him flinch at my touch.5e4c63c4137af5e4

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“Sorry. Are your ears ticklish too?”00ed0f4f0c9b9b01

“…No. I just wasn’t expecting you to touch them.”7eb91cab84d9d72b

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“Oh.”86d827a380b98061

As I toyed with 232de847a5 his soft, delicate earlobe, bdcf2cfd37 I asked cautiously,7d7b3ec74d0a6202

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“Don’t you resent them? The people at the company.”8f88e57b07331aab

At my words, Inha 6fda752dc3 murmured softly.486024cfa3d33954

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“It’s probably my fault.”db0b300f19d6fa23

“…….”09955c1671ece4b9

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“If I had given them more confidence, I would have been chosen.”b34dc0a8e2fad5c7

“Why didn’t you take the Suneung?”9d3088c7f4c24843

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“I just…. At the time, I thought it was all over.”78f0972bf25ba1f3

His voice ff1952c43e trembled slightly.69cf1bfa82e946ac

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“It’s all my fault. The people at the company didn’t tell me not to take the Suneung, and they didn’t try to hold me back. I was the one who gave up.”66c9a66e08b51bf3

“…….”b431d13133135c65

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“I’m sorry. You told me not to neglect my studies.”77970a56db37746d

“You don’t have to apologize to me.”115b7368c57cb3f6

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I shook my head 77466a96c1 and moved a little 00eb487b31 closer to Inha. I could feel 4cb7e9812c him trembling, even 75e9cba6d6 just from his 42b63e483d breathing.0b9c0aef219e08f0

“…My injury was my own carelessness, and it was my fault that I didn’t manage myself well. I can’t blame anyone.”20a94e4f007ad1a8

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“So you’re going to blame yourself?”30aa1bd99089c9f6

“…Sob….”892510b836dcd338

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“You don’t have to. You did your best, Inha.”371284aa8892ed67

How much must he have been blaming himself all this time? I gently wiped away the tears that flowed from beneath his covered eyes. No, wiping isn’t the right word. I was tracing the feeling of his tears with my fingertips.fd0b3dc169b6469e

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He had tried to appear composed in front of his family, but it clearly wasn’t the whole picture. I didn’t think shedding a few tears would heal everything. How much must he have cried alone after leaving the company?23d9e5bc40129c7d

After a ceb3c418b0 moment, Inha 56dc182d09 murmured sadly.3096832005b7e2aa

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“I wanted to debut….”393924141338bf99

Those words resonated with me. The intense longing in his voice moved even me, who hadn’t supported his debut.9d56c74bc4c1e7f4

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“I see….”007dad7ffcd3d9fe

“After debuting, I wanted to say that there was a reason for all the foolish things I did….”707d2552a7ebca9a

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Inha endured the director’s inappropriate advances, the excessive training that damaged his body, and the constant disregard from some of the company staff. And in the end, he wanted to say that there was a reason he endured it all. His words, that he wanted to prove it all with his debut, sounded incredibly pure.d521592489dbe9c6

I didn’t feel he was pathetic or naive. Because I knew how sincerely he had tried.1a9d72510cf41766

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“But in the end, you were right, Jihee. Maybe I knew this would happen, but I was so foolish for not giving up…. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I ran away from you too.”a0ceadeb3677b743

Unspoken words poured out of Inha’s mouth. His tearful breaths scattered warmly against my chest. His voice was so full of regret that it made my own heart ache. I pulled Inha’s shoulder and held him in my arms, offering him my arm as a pillow. His thin, bony shoulder yielded to my pull with surprising ease.b46c4ca3e6bf4c6f

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“So when were you going to contact me?”42f9e7d92707fd48

“…I don’t know. I thought I’d see you at graduation….”0812000565b56d1e

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“You were really trying to make me die of worry, weren’t you? Didn’t you think about how much I’d miss you?”b97d07969c5a857e

Inha suddenly started 2e5e332e57 hiccuping. I rubbed his 158b332739 back soothingly.70bf299850d8bea0

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But the hiccups didn’t subside and only intensified. I sat up and fetched the water glass Inha had used after taking his medicine.1a5884cf0039d371

“Hold your breath and drink.”e4cbe6acb595695f

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He did ac50042e13 as I 1174b6b0fe told him. He brushed 2ba49daada his hair 69a6d514ae away from 8b0387f153 his ear 2996cbf457 with one 0a8d922c5b hand and b04f8f0460 gulped down fad5a577ac the water, a36d4250b3 as if f223cbcca0 it were 9b331e4de4 bothering him. His tear-streaked face, with 4a67296ad1 his hair tucked behind c0b2a18767 his ear, looked strangely f988947c8a beautiful.c11c654ff9f547c2

“I’m so pathetic.”b20be53179e826d0

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Inha said, sniffling 61613c62ce and avoiding my 9309111080 gaze. Wiping his tear-stained 04170d2d99 eyes, I shook bdda709962 my head.953a42633d64d403

“Inha, actually.”0aae9d94cb98bf04

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I hesitated 73dc7f82d1 for a b0e00a49ed moment. But if I was b29e684a81 going to tell him, 1825a3f121 now seemed like the 4be9273039 right time, so I 443216dc7f finally spoke with difficulty.2342860090754d8c

“My older brother was also an aspiring entertainer.”16aa636d3a370701

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“Really?”f93eac29c2f8b66b

Inha’s eyes widened as he looked at me. I leaned back against the wall, staring into space.df56835c0f18b156

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“Yeah, he tried really hard, but it really didn’t work out.”79de234cb59efb0b

“…….”7d599a185813a0bc

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“My brother is much more handsome than me. Everyone said he had talent. Plus, you know. Both of our parents are broadcasting station PDs… They pulled a lot of strings for him.”6d3ce1a00244f12f

“…….”3cfbf1f6d7916b8c

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“But what can’t be done, can’t be done. Come to think of it, broadcasting stations are full of entertainers and PDs. And they all have families. Parental connections mean nothing. In the end, it’s all luck.”16a0d4e14c6bc467

Inha murmured in 7afac9d008 response, almost like 5e9c5573af a groan.47c895885f44a246

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“I…I didn’t know you had a brother.”ae11a05dadde4044

“I never told you….”2c951e7067c997bc

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I rubbed the 4871a36699 back of my a8a003ec4f neck, feeling a 9d275cc1dd bit awkward.103485aa0e319642

“Actually, I don’t have many memories with my brother. He was already an adult when I was in elementary school.”23a1ba4bdf618ad4

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“I see….”b1d190adba6f68fa

“My brother struggled so much that I remember we couldn’t even turn on the TV at home. Everything on TV seemed to torment him. But you can’t completely avoid media while living in Korea.”3c4a8ee0847e595a

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“So that’s why he went to America…?”c55ca52105ec5203

I just nodded e8b635244b silently.01deb9049e04d6e9

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My parents tried everything to save my brother, who was gradually falling apart. In that process, I was always an afterthought. Not that I particularly resented them for it, but….7b2c5edff2e9acde

I wasn’t the type to seek attention through rebellion or delinquency. So, I just lived, almost as if I didn’t exist. I still do.f3e618b55ddb225a

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“I see….”1262e7bebdf15b12

Inha murmured absentmindedly.d5d7b64672bbe27b

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“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”f3de4a425e718ca9

He mumbled, his voice 6c63da286e laced with undeniable emptiness.6e9aceb2993d7f57

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I couldn’t blame him if he felt betrayed by me, who had always nagged him about keeping secrets, yet had hidden even basic family information from him. But I hoped Inha would understand this: if there were things I hadn’t told him, it was because I intended never to tell him.f79fb0379d4e2213

Of course, I didn’t expect this to excuse all the times I had hoped for his dream to fail quickly, rather than supporting it.5fe0ce9963ec8ed4

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I held Inha’s hand, which lay carelessly on the futon. His knuckles were rough from the winter wind, but the shape of his hand was still beautiful.e5e239482bfe352d

“Inha, do you know what I was thinking? When I saw you crying?”e8986e72ccee2bdf

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“…What were you thinking?”a8032190bb3d8555

Our eyes met.a71f7c14d6ede12e

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“That you’re still beautiful, and nothing has changed.”3a8641ec3707e679

I said, tightening my e031c88759 grip on his hand. He, who usually averted eab73b6075 his gaze when faced 772dd11f59 with embarrassing words, was 39779662a8 staring deeply at me, bbebba0ab7 as if mesmerized.3d98d358ff45fa1c

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“You’re still special. Truly.”27066e2559ee3a03

“…….”acab63aa4a040cf9

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“And strong.”f76473b80ac995b3

I still remember my brother gradually giving up on himself amid countless setbacks. My brother, once my parents’ pride, became someone whose current situation they were reluctant to discuss. Even so, he didn’t give up his dream easily. He clung to even the faintest hope with all his might.dde1beffceab68b2

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Back then, I learned a2f2234443 a truth about life:e20b01479da64719

It’s not setbacks, but hope, that kills a person.b7d48b544692bd1a

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Compared to that, Inha was relatively lucky. That cruel torture of hope had ended after five years as a trainee. Moreover, Inha’s inner self was stronger than I thought. Strong enough to pretend to be calm in front of his family so they wouldn’t worry, strong enough to hide the fact that he relied on medication to cope.5e7a020d73210093

I emphasized 9f6542ae49 my words 081c6e904e once more.748884bd275300a0

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“You are strong, Inha.”84887f5080970953

So, hold on. Don’t you ever break down like my brother did, I seemed to be telling him. At the same time, I believed that things would only get better for Inha from now on. Everyone hits rock bottom at some point in their lives. It just happened to Inha at this point in time.a5f9bf33f110eb29

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“Do you understand? You’ll be alright.”c4473a65d23b9dca

Inha’s eyelids fluttered slightly. He nodded with difficulty, his lips pursed.aaed05239ef7a3f2

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“I understand.”d9c9d287443b99bc

“If you understand, let’s start by putting on some weight.”1a8fe16e4119e895

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I said 5848602ebe lightly, injecting ebacaa4715 some humor 668f1611ce into my 7986f1ebd6 voice, and d0fb8d93cc shook his 217c99ca3a hand. Inha managed 9c400eaaab a small 8341737210 smile. Then he asked a46145d150 me,67e9799aeb875a79

“Jihee, do you still want to have your first drink with me?”e391106ad2a62fe7

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“Of course.”dd20e7cea955a915

I answered immediately.feb2a272fc87bb36

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Inha chuckled 3307a1d31c softly, his 1d10ccf805 gaze lowered. His hair fell 1188708821 like a thin 07de771740 curtain, brushing against c69aaa7401 his cheek. His prominent collarbone and 84c7cb8992 shoulder blades were clearly 4c61c78664 visible through the stretched 166d6fe39d neckline of his white 2a37b53824 t-shirt.8096538f2ea609c6

His frail body, 302a2baf4b which looked like c26c1bb637 it would break 55debbd5b1 if I held 3a14e25f9d him too tightly, 604edbc229 was strangely beautiful. Beautiful enough to make 53e0deaae9 me want to hold 34079ac900 him close.99081d2bb058977a

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So I did 2653f466ab what I wanted.d89224af955e7a4a

“Come here. I’ll hold you while you sleep.”5a134ebb0c6e5014

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Inha let e3a59d7a57 me pull 60c6510a59 him into 3f9b8bcba8 my arms. As soon as he aff24bdb37 settled against me, he c4ffa53934 started hiccuping again. Puzzled by 6987b97b92 the persistent f1303a2473 hiccups, I 3c040e6f19 patted his d508c4a1f2 back.7c860025b8e1833c

I think bd169d61a3 I did 3bc732c86d that until 4df85e81a4 he fell 24585ae47b into a d7dfe9d729 deep sleep.f196170dbd14d528

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🌌b744ba764d1d0342

“Are you really 37bfaea246 going to stay c63aee8f47 at your family cfb13781ad home for a 09845ea26b while?”3770b09ca84a1b07

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The next 6c14119990 day, before b2634390bd leaving, I 9c50c475a7 asked, and 0b484008fe Inha simply 9feb355a6d nodded.20ec6cf7110ac306

“Yes, I 5a2abbe4bf have a 01717880eb part-time job a4822809c1 now….”2ee25d96327eb411

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“Can’t you find 0cad0571e9 a part-time job 775d85a439 in Seoul?”6514ee740300d38c

Traveling between Ganghwado and Gangnam wasn’t easy, especially since Inha’s house was in a remote area with no public transportation. I said this out of regret that we wouldn’t be able to see each other often now that I had free time, and Inha just chuckled softly.fc79cbddf1450b1a

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“Well, if I live in Seoul, I’ll have to pay rent. For now, I’ll save some money here….”8b058ba44b8323ab

“…….”6635a7eeabb2de9c

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“I want to get 72d61b7109 a job quickly.”d2f37a553a7c072e

I couldn’t react to Inha’s expressed desire.ffd9faaba681f2df

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“…A job?”1b98c54c692c2329

This was completely 54ea82644b different from my c65a06ed96 expectation that he b34a919cf2 would retake the 3300165633 Suneung and go 62c87f35fa to college.92ff687090dfff3d

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“Yes, Inhee has to 0f56aa75ff go to college, and 6eaed0f1f8 my father needs to 4830aad0d6 rest. I want to bd18d0747c earn money and 0acf3bf02e bring it home f47b8f3336 quickly.”9b7353be40a6fcc4

“…….”d09ff024bfcbe853

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“If I start looking for a job now and settle down, I should be able to save enough for Inhee’s tuition in a few years.”66af937c7f95425d

I couldn’t argue with him because I, too, understood the weight of reality. However, I felt sorry for his decision to sacrifice his own life without a moment’s hesitation.ed8f47203a22d0d1

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“Okay…. Tell me if 6c8acdf950 you need anything. I’ll help you.”bd71cb3e01822496

“Okay, I’ll contact 105fb9b147 you again. Oh, the taxi’s a81f3e559b here.”44981f9bad0fc523

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“…….”41d2f58e83de32a4

“Go on, quickly.”2c5e6aa86347fd9a

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Inha said, shoving his fc65dfc555 hands into his pockets 45c0747f2c and shivering. He had come c1d4427dc8 out wearing only 565f924839 a thin shirt 2982f10e86 and a jumper 5d0da00c5a over it to c3bed6f88e see me off, f0a118ed8a and he was 95af08c4e2 barefoot in his 1e37bbcf00 slippers.efc33c49850dd7b7

“You should go inside f3803d939a quickly too, it’s cold.”caea06ccdc027e75

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“Okay, I’ll 43953b9122 watch you 29382514b0 go.”a773f000cf24c449

Inha didn’t leave e17ec89dbc until the taxi d535a93b2d drove away.9b88dbd5cc91fd02

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I used 4796d5f850 to imagine 226030ae72 the moment 60dfb43432 we both b926e76e53 became adults.93f7ed9d765c0c78

December 31st a19977a98e is my ddba6518bc birthday, and d6388a0f1c January 1st a27bd09c19 is Inha’s. I had cde0f98cc9 no doubt 3428159848 that we e46bdca917 would be a0325f8f66 together during 98bd61fe65 the moment 272600d01a that bridged a236530c4a those two fb51fa4691 days. Just as we always 74beaafc44 had been.1137a57a19384c5c

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Since it would df5dfb426c be our first 9ccd0006a8 year as adults, 721b0015ce should we go 2bf9f2d9de to Jongno together 4728ba2746 to hear the 0f526fa67a Bosingak bell? Or take 2d74062cde a train fc500e9016 to the ff8405b27f East Sea 784f36ad76 and watch 22815d1366 the sunrise 85b6f18fcc together? We could celebrate becoming 58a4c1f98c legal adults and drink fc9623d2ba together….0066ffe0a819dea3

Anything would 70185c5d2a have been 24a8d3a85b great as 98dc4c7034 long as 38812f402a I was fefa7409a6 with Inha.460b45e56fa3d558

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―Uh… I’m working on New Year’s Eve… and a night shift at the convenience store on New Year’s Day too.3b9794703ee3edf7

Inha apologized, saying so 09978faa6d to me, who wanted 570280c75a to meet him.a3e3c6176f2a1802

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―I can’t take 970068a24f a break for d6bfab03da a week before a6f8cfc353 and after January 65bcfd9223 1st. The owner can’t f0fb6b4cf3 make it, so 48a80053e5 there’s nothing I f95aa199c5 can do.c3ef763deaa66a60

“…I see.”014278f4cd897c02

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I couldn’t even ccbb9d043d jokingly complain about 2f1632d3e5 him leaving me 024ea3d029 alone while he 8f2683db86 worked without proper 50334e56be sleep.b58f21fee9ff517e

―Sorry, meet up 5f66e2bef4 with other friends d05c8f99bc instead.2f7d25b7776e8d51

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“…….”ef6e287f34f1926f

―You said f9b83ca349 you had 9cfa5c2505 a lot d1275b4eba of things 51426e79f8 you wanted 2c903060db to do. Hear the 3674cf48ae Bosingak bell 91ce443a5e and… what b81d42422b was it? Right, watch 85a41931fb the sunrise e24d1882dd too.4beb6c32a82c3476

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“Yeah.”07f8423af46a44fc

―Have fun, it’s 96b7660293 a special day.6cbaf5b08915a688

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Inha’s words suddenly 2f315e264d made me feel 8ed69355b7 very melancholy.9a0daa389c731558

Inha, that day c0035b8d43 is special for b52f1855d6 you too.573b24e52cf49051

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For Inha, burdened by 03f0562292 the weight of reality 490117c9fe after quitting being a 97f1d0f4a2 trainee, anniversaries might be ef6025b429 a luxury.19eec613e49db67a

As the new year approached, the muted sound of the TV filled the living room. I stayed home alone, not going anywhere. New Year’s Eve is a lonely time for me. My parents are always away from home, busy with award ceremonies and New Year’s countdown specials.862f0fbdc7d73802

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Unlike the subdued 61fdb8c150 atmosphere of my a2d2ad3a51 home, the scene 5bb872df1d on TV was 28272a792d like the middle a7d0f5f5d5 of a party. I placed an 814b5ff993 unopened bottle of 4bd9bdb679 whiskey on the f761c4bad1 table in front 7bbebb685a of the sofa. It was 20579a8483 a bottle e4ae2f5758 my father b36bd700ca had bought 0582021406 years ago a4a6c422db and seemingly 5ca71017d8 forgotten about. I had boldly brought 16584b0f46 it out as my 4bb18c22a9 own little act of 6ab63d9dff rebellion, but then I 9cac95b785 wondered if my father 1e9f016eb2 would even notice if 7a923eb4b3 I drank it all.c00ce57ce3545a5c

The thought drained me 1090d562d2 of any motivation. I lay down on 3502c1a67c the sofa, feeling utterly 9e07762252 bored.f36bcdbcb7e86545

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On the screen, the 89889836f1 celebrities hosting the show 31c7e9e875 were chattering cheerfully.ab1ba0b80d835275

[And so, 20XX is coming to an end. How was your year, everyone? It’s sad, but let’s bid farewell to this year and hope that all the hard work you’ve put in this year will shine even brighter next year….]

The female MC’s voice 493ab4e790 rang clearly in my 9570411b1a ears.a419d3939cdd192d

All the hard work 9f6e84e2c5 you’ve put in….411f23adbd2b9124

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Inha’s futile efforts.eaf69099ab79e8f3

[Shall we start the countdown? 10, 9, 8, 7….]

Just then, my 470912087c phone on the 3f6bfa04a2 table vibrated. The screen displayed efe4772c53 the three letters defe14b3a7 of a name 8d3ee764cf I was always 3e7dc2b9ad happy to see.f35fe454144efaf8

“Inha?”be863975fa3832b3

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I bolted 7747c6de52 upright from 09268a0c7f the sofa 04db98fc58 and answered acf6093bf7 the call.798ca4be2eb233f8

[3, 2, 1….]

―Jihee, Happy New Year.4ce4348761143ec3

The first voice I 88c45756bf heard in the new 5269a2bfc4 year.33e83786686b5001

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Fireworks exploded on the 4ad3031587 TV screen as Inha 52c713284d greeted me. A faint smile 1a8e9b1480 spread across my a188a716eb face.268d0fe8a411c518

“Happy New Year. And happy birthday.”976a13de8bdcd7cc

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―Happy birthday to ee7bb2958a you too. Sorry for 73eff20556 the late 955b19cb00 call.dfd5cfc5b035c2d6

“It’s okay. You sent me bb3c7e217d a message.”47138a0678ff92df

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Yesterday, after finishing work, f198bb4f2d Inha had sent me b73ac57523 a long message. He usually 31f93d8fe9 wrote me 2e419e41e0 short handwritten 247fe372c1 letters, but fbbd89c185 since we f806d154f1 couldn’t meet 91235de414 this year, eb84c2580e he sent 1c6e0e78c3 me a 4bb92a9ede letter in 0025de46f9 a message fa47798f88 instead.6caa2f9491c607fe

―Heh, you saw 3a90e4f649 it?663170e7d3df1d20

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I heard 21df743082 Inha’s husky, 58309f27cc embarrassed chuckle 729d441b0d from the bf502310ae other end 36b486334a of the e6529c71db line. And a small cough.75e03e1f6ade901a

“Inha, do you 11a3e52f84 have a cold?”27c535802f6414ec

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―Yeah, how did you 456b86df57 know?c16556403976adb6

“You coughed. You weren’t e37dca5610 unable to 4c2d0776a0 call because 7a2192bcdf you were aca732ad2f sick, were 2f3eb86f0f you?”217423a0b5f816b6

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―Mmm…. No, I had 641d1207fd a bit of 6f3e401e6a a fever yesterday.c591c1d3c90a8c01

I suddenly missed 862f1672c6 Inha terribly.d7b29c6025281ae2

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“Inha, can ef6050f9ee we video c90d603508 call?”e25439ad550afbbb

―Why?512528fd75917454

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“I want to see 5a1c3d5342 your face.”ec4d37f6d5015a50

Without another word, 16c3607e44 Inha hung up 489c46d622 and immediately called 940ae5c561 me back on bd9cc17184 video. Inha on c8c9d32361 the screen 17a321eb36 was standing abf74e2796 outside the 501fa398ad convenience store 13ee6c039b in a c3a2662e07 windbreaker, exposed e03438294a to the 7c37961e05 cold wind. His cheeks were red 639a4b74ce and chapped, and his e279592cf4 eyes were heavy with 05aa09251a sleep. Seeing his d1a5ae65ca exhausted state, ec14451ca3 which I 917a1ba5a8 hadn’t noticed 3c79d47506 when I 2b0822b1c5 only heard 43c17867ad his voice, a69cdf8d44 made my e64ffdd53e heart sink.2cf8cc5129393751

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“Is work busy?”7f0e60e30262c4fc

―No, it’s manageable. I’m about to take fe01b06bdd a short break.b4e307813b6407c8

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“I should get bd20338e81 some sleep after de11865fc5 work.”9051850620c3ade2

―Yeah.f17de5082b4739f2

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“Did you take cold 9dc8dd0196 medicine?”06f3ee0b68311561

―I haven’t cba1afca2c been able 7c02af2c24 to go 93a4b30ed1 to the 2325ddf9d9 hospital yet… 99f789d13c but I f9d4af99b0 took some f6958055fc medicine that 54520196b7 was at d1758e0827 home.d88cbc866ba0c660

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“You should go eeeb361702 to the hospital 2056b843fe first.”4ba12f92e3dd048d

―It’ll be morning when 10192a5169 I finish work, and 52a31fe355 I’ll be too sleepy. I end up sleeping 0e448acad7 first.fef29df27bf3600a

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Inha turned 3642905a39 his head b733745a67 and yawned.fd28f6f47dc2b990

―Oh, right. I’m going 7d404e24b5 to try 69e7e153d8 drinking beer d93056c668 after work.adbb0cb4f0b9baab

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“Beer?”5bdeeb4f2e101b3c

―We’re twenty now. I’ve got one b93683ba54 ready.663ac3ffe7568cde

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He showed 4d5e163c66 me a f71970940f can of 6e99defc0b beer on 6bb92c8fa2 the screen. I shook my head efb3ef0f9e urgently.2ccb625af4457c73

“No. Don’t drink it.”96aacb987510dac5

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―Huh?1d9628ad423edaef

“We agreed to drink 5518e3a869 together. And you have a 36a87b712d cold.”5af28e8bf71c5f2f

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―…I was efc51d261c just going 9d7039b5d9 to have 6fc05716ba a taste.983ea83b7e800d08

“No. The first 9bd330d58d experience has 8628837afd to be a4b22aac07 with me.”00be0eb495f7b494

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―Haha….4135f9c469995c81

“I’m going to 0799d60540 do everything with fba3087699 you for the 031b54876e first time.”8275a2e41ad1735b

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Inha blinked sleepily 8305ca7613 on the screen. Even the c30ca1661c way his ff37cd58b4 wind-blown hair 0a97d61a9c was tousled 53d65abc8a across his 2024ee9921 sleepy face 3691631126 looked cute.107fb903cac342d0

Inha sniffled 826c5f5204 and said,22475f595ecebf02

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―Hey, we can’t 267d3c377e do everything together.62cb081936fbb18b

“Why not?”1e77f8cba6c0517f

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―We just can’t….74a9f73f7ec2d5a0

“What can’t we do?”7cc644b236553ca5

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―Well… like dating?72b34b137ce2fac1

“Yeah, I guess 2e0da24f82 so.”3ce8b6b46551faf8

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Dating is a relationship 4b542ba148 that is completely separate 2aedb1b700 from friendship. I agreed 454953b1e5 somewhat ruefully, d3d66e9d86 but I 7683e2d238 couldn’t quite 3b7997a988 imagine it. Someone other 4abe7ffd3b than me a6e5d38c21 becoming more 252284b2e3 precious to 0e7a1bb1b6 Inha.f461bd5b84ec7490

―I’m going in fc8c603e17 now.94f96f5661ea6a66

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Inha said, sniffling. Worried that 1e6b004cdb he might 8305d31190 get sicker 37ae00b8f3 in the db19037260 cold, I 15457557e8 reluctantly let c8c9400b91 him go.010ba94c14d1d9b8

“Okay, make 486c4c89de sure to c3e051cd9c go to d783866450 the hospital 9df03603cd tomorrow.”56ca761bbafe3dc5

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―Yeah.99fedc956231efb6

“Inha.”db3b5e0187e4f709

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―Yeah?5cf519bf5339c3c9

“I was 6dbbf95ef9 so happy 8e7d441b1f to hear 5013d80abb your voice 32fc0f7210 right as 2412c967da the new fdee8283f1 year started.”d1d8be9adc9ecdd4

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―…….8c3ec3c6fa9e4a6a

“Thank you for calling.”82fc2a4b5c48ff66

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Inha murmured “me too” 71911007ed in a very small 7acfb3fc25 voice.db460172b6d29b43

After ending the call, I put away my father’s whiskey without a second thought. I wouldn’t be able to taste that whiskey today, but I didn’t mind.ecdd73e339c8f7ad

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Then, feeling 7dadd9fb5f lighter and b06c2ed34b better, I c51000314c lay down 2584206dfa on the 4f34a7ceb0 bed.0ab0ce23297d0940

Strange. Nothing had changed. I still hadn’t 04663b9fbe seen Inha, hadn’t 8e6547a925 had my first 7467f38bda drink, and had 49a6c6de31 been alone at 3404c08e45 the start of 557ff96e35 the new year 195946e266 as a twenty-year-old.495548fca415a081

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[3, 2, 1….]

―Jihee, Happy New 1fc03db0fa Year.d5cc1e65c7fbc8d6

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Why did d300fdb378 remembering Inha’s a42aa908be voice make 3b81eea021 me feel 243598b000 so warm?d2cef2a2b883248f

I often recalled that 6553df7760 call at midnight. The fireworks 5837fffb95 exploding on aaf89ef1c3 the screen d42e689b4e like magic 4cffb591bc as soon caa859f23f as the ed378bf3c4 call connected, 164207c4a3 the sound edc2d5581d of the 4115d4fac0 night wind 01b1491f07 mixing with 4b1e04fc58 his voice, 394fa5bebd Inha’s voice 5567217c95 whispering miraculously e6aaa04c2a in time 28be81c9d0 with the 875fb2d062 end of 6d058a61b9 the countdown….1bdaee87b28dc5b4

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🌌b58370b4bddc0849

On a day when 9ba155ae92 even the highest temperature 76a3b77475 was below freezing, Inha d7b4da0945 came to Gangnam on dbca7a1b58 his rare day off. To keep 23154d743c his promise 59cc16be0a of having 4600b5ac83 our first 6f6012d712 drink together.20f9da1b6b16f01c

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I went 756c775266 to meet ee3dfeb883 Inha at 1eda499c3f the time b97c625964 he was b6051cdef7 supposed to 8c8dfdedb3 arrive.84df27f9f2ce4016

“Inha!”742c7cddc90cc35f

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Inha, bundled up in 5069fdca53 a thick padded jacket d6a25321e0 and a beanie, stood 5d47a7e5b9 out even from afar, e3d2e1f5dd despite his simple attire. Furthermore, he seemed to c5dc053238 have lost even more 9c11d79e10 weight, his already small 4b634ce3ab face shrinking to the e1be05a919 size of a fist. His features were 3d879b6cd1 prominent on his 2e7af81343 small face.a6d1002ffdc14c9f

“You must c9d32a720a be tired 5c8eaac472 from the 6b3308cf65 journey. It’s really cold, 22d2ae4ac5 isn’t it?”b68dc2b614b50581

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“The cold 555f372a88 is fine, 14f8cc7a4e but it’s 4d6595d838 definitely far.”fe1eac04347c46f7

“Why have you lost more weight? This won’t do. Let’s eat first.”407e4e46cde26e90

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“Have I… lost 2b793b1383 weight? I’ve been ede720220e eating well….”f04bd111d36d7b3e

Inha mumbled, touching his 56e9dab5da cheek.e812c6213b845927

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“That’s because you’re only 4aa63c93ff eating meals. You need to eat 2c017cb213 things that make you 11735fd3e6 gain weight too.”f7b3c2d732528044

Due to his ee2a888b00 athletic background and 3b3f45b24a long trainee years, cd17a4d5dd Inha had developed 5cbbbd1478 a habit of 146e76422f not eating snacks. He could 7a2bb4e03e afford to 10448c571a eat more b28cf7e40e now, but d43998b977 it seemed 295d103511 he was 0ee474482b still a ac56f96619 picky eater.b406b3be5cf266b1

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“I’ll buy f290543cfd you something ff19aaf552 really delicious ee75a333bc today.”5c336a51c9a6e57a

“Wow, great.”f6a8b1370bd9da64

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Inha smiled, shoved 9e6efb3622 his hands in cac00fd4e2 his pockets, and 92a3eb0e2c followed me up ef4b4adc9c the stairs.f36bb0c385c31bfb

As soon as 107a262c1a we exited the a5f1f0b1da subway entrance, a ed3670275e biting wind whipped 0ecaad5ce9 across our cheeks. Even just e43cbc3ab3 walking down eaef7ae3e3 the street, 9a6e2058ce people occasionally 483be2df29 glanced at c19d2aa421 Inha. His tall 0c34f429af stature and 63bbf2f214 small face 9d6b9654aa easily attracted f3bcd72fa9 attention.f008683158046f09

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“Inha, did 7bd13f949a you get 5a4e4447e4 taller again?”1522ad6263e153b6

“Uh, did I? I don’t know.”5a17086cd5043a17

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Inha replied with a 692d9addab blank look. I estimated Inha’s height da679eec4c visually. I’d heard a743c6a389 that some 13a2d9fb36 people continue eb8d994ba1 to grow 12326d0bf9 even past 41b9371015 their early e99a7f4db9 twenties. Inha might be 2c0fc89676 one of them.0825494c8deeb921

“I think you a3570dc857 did get taller.”709c7eca947efb94

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“Eh, no way….”493e176649c9bafe

“Really. Is that why you 2bab6a5ac5 look thinner?”4b058a0778ae2a71

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His sharply defined, thin b3707955e2 cheeks definitely looked more f180b550c4 mature than before. And so did 5514c84903 his droopy eyelids, 3eb00fce5d heavy with fatigue. Does turning 43ad5450e3 twenty change e4208b4318 a person’s aec48d2400 aura this 5303913f99 much?3c2a01fdbe1e0ee6

As we walked side by side, I kept looking at Inha’s face, fascinated by his changed appearance.7fa9db5cc055b872

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“By the a5aea1698a way, Jihee, c631b0010a where are d19ec93786 we going? Are we going 068f9826dd to a noisy 20d311dbe1 bar?”d58703e9f2b18595

“A noisy bar?”915607001dec4a56

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“I don’t know. A hunting bar… 65bd720a0d those places, a b9daa6242a lot of kids aa78559c77 go to those.”5f568d9ef4dd62bf

I stopped dead 1adfb8fb47 in my tracks 8ba4fd53c2 and stared at 096b93a563 Inha silently. Sensing my gaze, 18b4bd091b Inha also stopped 312dfe1749 abruptly.2a907650ddfa3d99

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“Inha, do c45f18be0f you want e2575389b3 to go 20b3bdc090 to a b842b0ddef place like 55bd03b32d that?”4ac3f6ed2f5b9bf3

“Huh?”86eb2900c8b3a867

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“Do you want 84abc4f9a9 to go to d07e54f72a a place with 86ba080f4c a lot of c4c5175ab0 girls?”b54d60162ece1129

“Uh? No, no… I 587f4308c8 was just saying. I don’t really know 8481995ab1 much about bars.”e561490031dafaf0

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“How can you e5e900b5ca specifically mention a e08f47fe95 hunting bar if 6b5aab28d7 you don’t know? Don’t you want b6ecabade3 to go?”6f510bc725c326ff

“No, I was just 6c1727d7f0 saying. I take it 0d416b2453 back.”5bae401da63b6b56

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“That’s strange. You anyway….”d438794cb52d0740

At that 13f821bbce point, I 509adac1f4 lowered my 6bf7420a8d voice and 8f1f48e090 whispered in b0f0baa0b7 his ear.d63d5885c607387d

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‘You like men.’847e8f94dc845943

Inha flinched, 035f895cee covering his 1af695e6aa ear and f3c2b402e6 recoiling. His reaction made me 6207eba2fb laugh, and Inha frowned.394f8d6aa96b93b6

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“Anywhere is 32b13c26e6 fine… I f208bd07e2 don’t care.”c05daf2745ccd28c

“Really? You didn’t want to eaa8e7ef83 go?”a7e6b0c144159a5e

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“I said I don’t f944601e5b care.”6ec3dfc22d57f0cf

“Do you 7e47520cb8 want to af396794b2 try it? You never c298fc36fe know, you 9ef2cc8ce6 might like 3836b8abfd it. Experience is important in 3b8bac1c13 everything.”1cc2f3c4b5443f7a

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“I said bea8465b17 I don’t 53e40254d8 want to 3743b5a773 go!”77fef96cb86277ec

Inha exclaimed in exasperation. He glared at me with narrowed eyes, as if he realized I was teasing him. Of course, it wasn’t threatening at all.dbd11653787d1e48

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“Then should d7a1ddcd41 we just 5525def173 buy alcohol 802faa1058 and go 0fb6240e73 to my 1125b8a3cb place?”8554892984afc2ab

“Your place?”25f069cf1cc6bd7e

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Inha, who 244f787f43 had started 5ddc128fd4 walking again, 22c4569901 stopped abruptly ed58ef0895 and looked 69bf78fc13 back at cb767824a0 me. I nodded.f7f4f20eab3d1a2a

“Aren’t your 64314790e5 parents there?”cce8c62dab00cc87

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“They’re not 6e4e8fbb82 home today. I think they’ll 5152607bfa be out for b1a14e7303 three days.”a4757bb36427444e

“…….”051eeca4b6387324

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“You can 5f327e73eb stay over.”76713565363ccda4

“Should we…? It would 5c3c0bece5 be more a5d1caded3 comfortable to 38447b89db drink at 4136743efb home.”9eddf771f5f81e3b

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Inha seemed hesitant, fc67851bcf but he didn’t 4dc1e9ee43 refuse.fda54932906db0c4

“Okay, let’s go to 48d8614777 my place.”ace2f55eebbcdaf9

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I put 004655158a my arm 158e645718 around his de0a8ab172 shoulders and e81223395f headed to d7a03999af a nearby 0cc4473646 convenience store. We confidently da32337175 stood in cf605299ab front of d10b39bf14 the alcohol a63ed63792 aisle, but 7e77a0a151 since neither a65e8f964e of us c771e46a4f knew much 222795ab2b about alcohol, 62d833607a choosing something 3b033bd095 proved to b4aae4d719 be a 8245cabdb0 bit of 35e2bcc8ee a challenge. We picked up a3700f186c a bottle of af0ae44f13 soju from a d911552e8f brand we had 39f186c46f heard of often 493f037108 and then chose c853e6a217 a few cans e4c4db8f36 of beer with 22169f58c1 designs we liked.5c07b7989374d469

“Will one bottle of b0524904d0 soju be enough?”12ee19323f8bc1f8

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Inha asked, pointing at e4f89a75ff the basket. I replied, still crouched e160ca6bfb down, looking at the eae31fe9d3 lower shelf.ae1a17f5ebb1272a

“I don’t know.”6ab8ca5a8665a99b

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“Jihee, be careful. Your coat e756ac83d9 is dragging b092adca1b on the 64dd86f879 floor.”60861ae9eb195934

“Hmm… do two b90c2b2f75 people usually drink 6104438adb one bottle?”57d1b05948b797b3

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“What if it’s 7ae3209b4a not enough?”3fe32f41faaf779a

“Then should we get two bottles? Ah, what the heck, let’s get three.”a0915abec0d46898

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As I was 695889d37e about to pay, 53b332f413 the part-timer asked 4ef54736f0 for our IDs. I said confidently,9be70c17061cec6c

“We’re twenty.”f1e0053b92b44d2c

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“That’s why bb0c8d25b8 I need eab92532eb your ID.”62dc99f02a9833e5

“Hold on. My ID… my e7725be888 wallet, it’s here….”de52c09b739fc67d

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“Jihee, should f694af4138 I use 78c5d91631 mine?”36940eb1d7666379

“Wait, I’ll pay.”f08386a3f2082878

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The part-timer scanned 4d695c58a1 the barcodes with 8650598e93 a bored expression, 6057b30072 as if they 9b4de1e5cd had seen countless 1b9fd4dac0 kids like us. At the counter, we b7ccdd1eb0 bickered briefly over who 426e254992 would pay for the cfa62632b1 alcohol.ad08e0c82ae80c8d

“Inha, you need to cbf02b0766 save money. You worked 158c0422dd so hard 348457250d for it.”c5629e3e0acd7d77

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“…I can buy 38598fa93b this much….”12602b455f52c8de

“Still.”144227775c18125a

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At my 407d1da264 firm tone, 4a186ba6e4 Inha backed b996b81ba5 down without cc34a77a91 a word.a2885aee50278cf8

A little later, a1cad9b458 we left the fdca18d958 convenience store, our e185aeb3d4 hands full of 349396dd74 bags containing alcohol 0103315b20 and snacks. While waiting for the 537ac2580a taxi we had called, 3d76b9791a I suddenly asked Inha,9ba8a05f684ec7e5

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“Are you 6e51541866 going to 5973df788f keep working 8a5361cf93 part-time?”8e9db77fa020409e

“Yeah, for now.”ed20615530df178a

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Inha sniffled and e94a8cbe9a asked,c5321384c0e290d4

“But I think I 759777d7e8 should look for a 5da03fa818 job in Seoul. In Ganghwado, the only 03cd1a09a7 jobs are convenience stores, 6a4c8d2f21 restaurants, or factories. Factories pay c542094036 well, but….”4688d6e8a977556a

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“Ah… you thought 06ee1049ce about working at 8fd4ba6b20 a factory?”adb682a645437843

That was de142f86bf another surprise. I stared 94d52b6fc6 at Inha’s c602904e59 face, slightly 738c3563c4 taken aback.0cf1e8ed03a2eb3b

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“They pay well, and 8dabb7a4b4 they provide room and 610a0a6360 board… and they say b87f749f1b people work there steadily 416e434152 for a long time.”3802496d5c0a1533

“…….”4dda883cdfdcf0a7

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“The taxi’s here. That’s the right number, 12f0225370 right?”93b069a19957f5d3

Inha nudged my shoulder 5e613876fd and got into the 16404833ff approaching taxi first. I snapped f765ecfbd3 out of 23363fa520 it and 1198f2e5ea followed him c544363a4d in.a0a39fe1ceef82be

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University acceptance announcements had started coming out recently. And I had passed the first round of admissions for the Department of Sports Sociology at my top choice university. Everything had ended cleanly, without having to wait for additional admissions or consider retaking the exam. Since I thought everyone went through the college entrance exam process, I didn’t feel the need to make a fuss, but it was relieving to have it all wrapped up nicely.e7d4dd6acb90e763

I had actually thought 2e7b15a281 that Inha and I 141e61236d would follow similar paths b29e2ed2c1 after he quit being b6b9d18fe8 a trainee. But as graduation 84c1e64f72 approached, the gap 6f98e9f152 between us was 2d2698b75c much wider than 4661ae11e4 I had expected.9be8cfcdb945c151

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“Inha, I’m 3233dbe6f4 going to bbe1199a69 live on 5dce13476e my own b6f947f84c when I dc92374359 go to 61d74568c7 university.”914efff0dc3a08d1

“Yeah.”adc882acf79ca5b2

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“Do you want 713d94dd6b to live together 59a3085ce5 then?”a6f4ff5bdcb5d29c

At my 7e57e072d5 suggestion, Inha aa124cf4a8 stared at ceb0e6270f me with 34066324e1 wide eyes.1849a803eda5d240

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“…It’ll be cramped if 2e55e6e9aa I live with you.”9221b3221463acef

“We can 0ff63220b3 just get 472f534cc1 a bigger fdfe255f1c place from f0f6feb38c the start.”450f0af235113a27

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“Still. If you’re going to 8b7c3f431c university, your friends will 4f9d372d3f come over often. I’ll be in the ec6ec88602 way.”76f5c8f31aea8acd

“Why would 9319c849b9 I need 9aa1f35031 other friends cb30237c2c if I 9e12c328a5 live with cb0907f172 you?”535fe1935d2390a5

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“…….”57f75d3850779f35

“It would be c3ff9a5fb9 good if you 911a4d6889 could live with 1f75c0e5d9 me and find c58495d2ca a job in 2836d5e9dc Seoul.”9779f1267f9eadf4

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“Really? Is that okay?”85dd53239cb2322a

“Yeah. So don’t… work at a268676f12 places like factories.”93205f1eb1c094af

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Unable to hide my complex emotions, I placed my hand on Inha’s thigh. I playfully slapped his leg, which twitched in surprise, and continued,2dbdb5e8e8bb9dfa

“Don’t just save up aee304281f for Inhee’s tuition while 9cee131601 you’re working, prepare for c45627d34c university too… I think befe3e74a8 that would be good. You can 4c0e2cd0a5 do anything.”fa99bdf8e8c047a2

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“Yeah.”86665f3b5575a8cb

“If you’re worried c639e2ef8c about tuition, there 2ec52d3b7c are many universities 6caa793941 that offer scholarships.”c709a3bf10f19905

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“…Yeah.”4fa79ef974443d7f

Inha nodded deeply, f4cbd8f6c3 his head still 21c5092024 lowered. Worried about 32eddc126f his expression, 76ba17e534 I asked cec8f96b5f cautiously,115d6a3a3ab05aa5

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“Why? Is university too 325cde7abb much of a 432cd50e1b burden?”6c80ed065aa4cac7

“No… I do want fae1c03bc3 to go, but.”ddc080d597fee063

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Inha said ade00afd98 in a 8aa68c1010 slightly uncertain daa151c5f8 voice.f67f091f8539b216

“There are people who 715bb7a051 don’t go to university, 64340aeb93 too.”ed10f88cd0975100

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“That’s true. But you 7e4956054e don’t know a434e288f9 what you’ll 54fd0bbae8 end up a5d98a7ecf doing in 7fe020128d the future, fc378523e6 so there’s 0af474f59d no need 56083c23b1 to limit be0fe4181b yourself already.”a518990e9d5cd945

Soon, the 964ac08a38 taxi stopped 01881cfd50 in front 27c6a4f734 of the 6d68de12ea apartment building. As we 28fcd48d26 entered my d61e55fe93 home, Inha 660ac98aef politely said, 74dc79ad69 “Excuse me.”2d1016f593fe6d76

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“No one’s home. Come in.”5ba99edbea60831f

Thanks to the 10111cf451 heating, which was beabe8b902 always on even cefd8322c6 when no one 322cc968c2 was home, the 5d752b8ae7 apartment was thankfully aed778c79f warm. After telling Inha to 0f55728b28 sit down and make 6b21b2010f himself comfortable, I hurried ff831c78e7 to prepare some simple 7b56259343 food. Meanwhile, Inha was 3a8b589c70 taking out the d298f1d939 alcohol we had 228160ffb8 bought from the 716dd3eddd convenience store bags 77a077d793 one by one.db5e0f8393e88e35

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I went 36d09e7628 to the 9454d0697c kitchen and dbc5cceeee brought back 2c7ccbc69e some glasses.7139e8e215fcb4d0

“Are these glasses ee34366000 okay?”7d7515a609fa1c0b

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“I don’t know. Any glass is fine.”7a9f48ebe180cbdd

I boldly b14ec479f9 poured the 19faa8c925 soju into d6b48dffd0 mugs. I figured it 621e65e1a9 didn’t matter what e635c41d13 kind of glass 97e31a9d3e we used since 30c83639a4 we were only e48fd07c7c going to take 567b172c55 sips.ba9963a2502a3710

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“Here’s to us.”33c7a097c7a2c243

“Cheers.”453d01664ba8a1ca

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“Ugh, this is ed6a3f1a69 awful.”a944de97c7823b7b

Unlike me, who grimaced 2378899ea7 as soon as the 93d3261c08 alcohol touched my lips, 3e268f749c Inha tilted his head 84771344a8 back and gulped down 4db450e1a8 the soju I had f39527b671 poured him. I was so surprised 8ce7597e2d that I shouted at 26f5fc4980 him,16c0bd1eb448180f

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“Hey! You drank it all?”ae596a9d1a7f9dbb

“Huh?”4dacb1979a41664b

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Inha, who had finished 1481d13517 the whole glass in 8a0d0e37ef one go, looked at 786c06eb9d me with soju dripping cc7cb01b57 from his lips.3ce42951fd391bf7

“Wow…. You’re good at 8250518173 drinking.”92fc508b58c2df7a

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I stared at Inha, 6a84cec042 slightly dumbfounded. However, perhaps belatedly feeling a77f58657b the burning sensation in a68066ccf6 his throat, Inha put 4bc872b502 his hand on his e23661c50b chest and frowned.25afbfa103b59795

“My esophagus is burning.”71e9816050e12f59

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“…That’s what you fc4d2a1f88 get for drinking 91dc9390aa it all at df0429133f once.”4cd21a13cc7da83a

“I don’t know. Isn’t that how c628f094bf you’re supposed to c5acb51ce0 drink it?”fb9ef727c9336eeb

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“There’s no 7b7efabe8f such rule.”2fb4e5bc582085a8

“Someone said… you’re 0bd8c3f921 supposed to drink c9ea2ac54e the first glass 36b551a390 in one go.”49aebacdc946f9ec

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“Who said that?”623e71d6ec0da80a

Inha just 44f5d1c125 pursed his 471a84b806 lips without a5098f8fbe answering. I looked at 2c53f207e0 my glass, still 7e017e321f full of alcohol, d8362e08c2 with a bit 4b15421603 of apprehension. It goes without saying 4a3215f9b2 that I didn’t know b05de4be80 my alcohol tolerance yet. I didn’t want to a17c82b533 suddenly get drunk and 914aebc207 lose control, and I 6d059470c1 didn’t want to be 4c573e4803 unable to even take b9e7a39f58 care of myself in c47c38bc4e front of Inha. It wasn’t f2c8112bc9 so much f1e1272915 that I d747476259 was afraid 2787d50896 of alcohol, ea5f6ff5ca but rather a1db262b95 that I 1176019bc3 didn’t want 137149f467 to be 926b41d787 controlled by 625a14b8d0 it….d343d9ede129a9ed

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“But it doesn’t 5b52c6d13a seem so bad.”3a4b3781c6fa1cd7

“You mean the f0ed5708bf feeling?”4af464050515493a

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“Yeah.”218262c45d526bc9

Inha rubbed 495e34061f his eyes. Then he reached for 3f9e991fbd the soju bottle to 42b7f79b79 refill his empty glass. I quickly de8eda8b5a intervened and 068aaa05c2 grabbed the e91d450362 bottle, pouring 807b0e7915 the alcohol 24ad76677a for him.5751514aeef03a0c

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“You’re not supposed 08352b2e76 to pour your 0e9b24d88a own drinks.”79c589894a0d0c6a

“Really? Why?”76f0315c723eb635

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“I heard it 25931d096c somewhere. If you pour your 37d7bf8149 own drink, the person 0f86d48ca4 next to you won’t 54202243df get a girlfriend for e9264c97e8 three years. Cheers.”58dafd2053e1f58f

“Cheers….”dfd9fba0807d4f26

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Inha stared at the 6e555b8a3d alcohol swirling in his e31da4c642 mug for a long 8ff6832a1b time, then drank it 554382e0a1 all in one go ab22f6dff0 again. I silently marveled at 36fb70c739 his boldness.dcadeefaf4df8c1e

Perhaps because we 6d737ea2ab were drinking from 161c4ee7c1 mugs, the bottle c84bf30056 emptied quickly.a9967f0d9fcaa2c3

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“Jihee, do you b3606812b9 want to get f35a52a5fe a girlfriend?”0261920882a84cf5

“Me?”60f718031da87caa

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Inha nodded, 1b7ea0eed8 his gaze 2b54aefb44 lowered.679fda4caad82b1b

I thought for a b42e6213c0 moment. It wasn’t a25719f554 that I bf2817bb18 had no 7e100df0e0 fantasies about 0155e74c99 dating. Maybe I 2a8752eaeb could try 823897b4eb dating when 031d19966d I go 952cddb70b to university. Though I couldn’t quite 0d9db810a8 imagine it.d16460ec92ee7b51

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“What type do you c4acdaae12 like?”8ace323e2ad82fb8

I pondered Inha’s ccf61ac86d question. But I couldn’t picture e88b21372f anyone standing next to 7174c6c49c me. Not their dbf1423dd6 appearance, personality, 897423568e voice, or 8ff0a8a8bc clothing style.9df40335f1fcd157

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That meant my preferences 7412c428ae for women were unclear.51e08e5a2e392651

“I don’t 3378051fca know, um… 29edb93741 someone I a3874664dc connect with.”da99377e25cb8da5

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“I see….”ac5ea83cd0d78110

Inha downed ed16798fbf another mug bc59925fca of soju.bb7d4865c35b2d4f

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“Seems like you 9d2506c6ec do want to a94ec42ee3 date.”d08b349e5ddf8e05

I turned my be2c4f21cf head and met add9106a80 his gaze.6e75f635a218a1e3

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“I didn’t say that.”915139aa39c5653c

“You always 5b30969bed say no a62c6aaa44 right away fa2f1e7630 if you 23cb2fe788 don’t want c504e8e9f2 something. I can 2e78fe21da tell just 91f80b2ea2 by looking 06cbfc00ea at you 7ce5df1efc thinking about d160df1f5e it.”a66c1bc5f9f1910c

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