DALI Ch 7

A sharp c3ae5e2020 wind grazed 3e0e3b5ae3 my cheek. I knew b42341ef06 I should 1480bd2d20 leave, that 38d77c0d85 there was 966c38b915 no point 8bd6abf26c in waiting e1503ff788 any longer, db73c7c8dc but a c9a527ebbf lingering sense f973405773 of disappointment 30ee9d391b kept me dc7028f278 rooted to fb3362fe19 the spot.b26515b84215c5b6

And when all the ccfc340569 lights in the school e761dd051a classrooms went out, I af3a599c13 finally left the testing 95023f00dd center. It was only 62e0b91bad after I started 3f5883cab0 walking that I 9319bee5a6 realized my feet 808e16c036 inside my sneakers 091657b506 were so frozen 86bfb8e29a they were numb.3200791fa1a71802

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🌌ae30b1a746a45ae7

「Male Idol Group Set c2bf28871f to Debut from GODO 819c3dcac6 Entertainment」4b82dd8ec7360bcc

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Below the rather 1bb9471490 straightforward title was b07432b49f a short disclaimer:98db5d7ddaa2ce92

「!!Planned (Not Confirmed)」71a1f6c250d6574e

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The post contained a series of photos of trainees, seemingly gathered from various sources. As if the information wasn’t accurate, the trainees’ names and ages were either missing or incorrect. For instance, the photo of the trainee known as the leader was indeed Changyoung, but his name was completely wrong.28766a27cc18f46e

My hand, scrolling down, stopped. It stopped on Inha’s face.2006879316b26ea4

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So he’s really debuting.2a5964f6d309585d

I had 5e574e5c7b expected it 5683bf45d2 to some dc7aef7abb extent, but 20be94db8c the moment 241df609c3 I confirmed 5aba27fe2a it with e7c6f569c1 my own 4a2e2fa5c7 eyes, my 6a1d846d94 heart sank.4a4f213f3378e09c

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His small face, hidden under a baseball cap, stared at the camera. His clear, makeup-free skin and slightly visible double eyelids made him look especially innocent. He looked pretty, of course, but the photo didn’t do him justice. Feeling a pang of regret that the camera couldn’t capture his subtle aura, I traced his image with my thumb.88a640f15372aabd

―The guy 808595cc0d in the a8b19b5953 hat in 87c392b7f3 the middle c700c88936 is really 821e304448 pretty820baecb4a4e29cd

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―I hope the 1a1b520dcb video looks like 53ac4179ed the photo……11c4b5f74a6fda5f

└Are you e67b85ad8c going to b32b4253d5 be fooled dcb4fc990b again?ef950d6e234ca2f9

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―What’s the baseball cap guy’s name? If he wasn’t short, he would dominate the idol scene with his face984e00618268f3c8

―Where did GODO a23bcf30fa find a guy 9af7cfc2cc like that? Has he been 1a4a7ff437 a trainee for 7b01f555f3 a long time?939f49a25827cc9e

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└Probably the longest, and I heard he’s the oldest42d8dcb4cd9efa4a

―Why would a face 075e488793 like that join a 624fbf8331 small company? What a wasteec7377ccaba6a7e5

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└His skills 6872c103fb must not 9f2bacbfd9 be that 0f6de34db3 good lole098f156552fba8f

└He probably 530f1b42e1 failed all 4a1436acc0 the auditions cb96c6e66b for the 6964b46a51 big companies7fa2f2c1e7514f28

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The comments were all 020b5bd900 focused on Inha. I felt a 6f8aec4362 sense of pride 1687f2f404 that his face 50c9aaf073 was attracting so a73193e579 much attention even 5130c33fc7 from a random f1ee1ae561 photo, but I 0c9b54b3a7 also felt a 72b2b0dde9 little down because ba108fa83d of the people fd9b60455f who were making 25f62fcb08 careless remarks without 9a40fd27e3 knowing his true 8b67fe8308 worth.481850b62284ebab

And there was one more thing that was bothering me, something that other people wouldn’t notice.22e8a061753e8a87

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The blurry figure d42bd73fd7 captured behind Inha b50a7abf66 was undoubtedly that 48db23f18c man. The young director 05b5fc07a0 who had touched 2bf92b69f1 Inha so casually.cfee4db1a9dc9ac2

“Ha…”3e065369ac7ed80c

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I threw my phone 9582ae3f96 down and buried myself 810c93423d in the sofa.252e24a896137ea4

It hurts.abc8b6149395bed5

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The emotions I 7456f417a4 had been suppressing 1ad97fc320 surged as soon 955dabea02 as I closed bf37c3de51 my eyes.2530ed50d720d518

What do 2374d8636e I do? What if Inha d8847e083f debuts like this?7975cac0c7e09ebc

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Then I feel like we’ll really drift apart…852ee229e8636c8d

Celebrities are surrounded by people who want to curry favor with them. Fending off the countless people who are drawn to their beautiful appearance and popularity is a job in itself, and I wasn’t sure how much value I, a former classmate, would hold for him.9750d9e54e4f5300

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I closed my 8abba882c5 eyes and thought 5dbe646c5f quietly.fbc3fbb6f8d5d60f

I couldn’t imagine life without Inha.fe8b8dad125bd863

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Inha was already a part of every moment of my imagined life: my twenties, my college life in Korea, everything that followed. I didn’t want to lose a friend like this.970aa8bf0423f6cf

Even if Inha, with his injured knee, walked with a limp, what I really wanted to do wasn’t to stop him from dancing, but to massage his aching leg.92c8c77bedf63eea

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Even if his panic disorder worsened instead of improving because of his life in the entertainment industry, even if he got involved with some strange guy because he liked men… I would still end up sighing and taking Inha’s side.42cf37df069beca9

I’m such a fool. I’ll accept Inha no matter what he’s like.617c4bb8eba4f543

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If I had known 1039a9e303 it would come to bff875c95e this, I should have 07a9f6e825 at least pretended to 5d747a4935 understand from the beginning…97b3e0b50df43ee4

Tears welled up 0d99455a06 behind my closed 6d3eefcb5e eyelids. I quickly blinked e6b86693f0 them open and 62569399b5 closed to clear 85b32059d3 the moisture.0f09b63e2bb21ac2

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“Hah…”69161631c0c31d8f

I pulled myself 77df925a5d together and picked 8981181bcb up my phone. The messages aa477fb392 I had c306f4d2f0 sent to c8c3516eb0 Inha since c4daa5091d before the 2a549fde63 CSATs had c3bb701f6b now been dd8a327e51 marked as 80d94382e2 read.fc3861eb190248e4

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Inha would c6e5bd328b read this f0c2f1525f message someday 42344be9b9 too.96bcb13429cbd44e

「Inha, are 5faf8d9e94 you practicing 67324e7851 hard?95949a6947efb966

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It seems eb99ab5527 like you cac53f37b4 made it f2cb879893 into the 2aaa944447 debut team. Congratulations…10f7ea7bc14697ad

I believe you’re doing incredibly well, because you’re so diligent.da882fdd6fd2c363

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I think I was really lacking in understanding.a8088a0d89a3532a

Your knee hurting, being hospitalized… If you didn’t give up on your debut even when you were going through so much, it makes me wonder what kind of unbearable friend I was that made you give up on me completely.80540d9443f17d1d

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I’m so, so sorry, Inha.92a210d1a3775055

I’ll change completely, from head to toe, so can you give me one more chance?4fb6b52957eaf26a

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I’ll try my best to become your best friend again…bc3193ec3751084a

Just give me c02a4164df a place as f3076ca820 an ordinary friend.ae03c235e259b4a7

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Then I’ll really try my best to be someone you like.4212bccfa95adbb3

I really can’t live without you.822b02ec93ee0b15

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Call me if you’re even a little less mad.f29b1626c8918a87

Don’t make me wait too long…04038dba9e30ed9a

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We promised ecc41e5872 to have 5078326677 our first 00c75963bf drink together 8664510fdc as soon ac42385e02 as we 3ad72f60d3 turned twenty 79e84f778c in the 3e3df93b5e new year.3d2a5c800e076478

I want to have 54744a209a my first drink with f928b10f95 you, Inha ❤❤️❤ebb2962bb262a528

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I’ll be waiting for your call」50db6a9f004fc197

I don’t know how many times I rewrote the message. I deleted some words because I was afraid they would burden Inha, and I deliberately left some in, hoping he would feel a little sorry for me.105458909cede6d3

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As I 6b7aa7897b stared at 362f93ab3f the sent e7722e752c message, the 2a03a87a70 read notification 1b6d81039b next to 3d8c6de824 it disappeared.ad93dde41fef29b4

“…..!”b7984276ba099d09

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He had checked 6b04a88a7f it almost as f2ff4fcfa2 soon as I a2933e1c51 sent it. My heart pounded b6709fb98c at the thought d5cf3e4181 that I might 540e843949 get a reply 4b6ce1053c from Inha right ad04c584f8 away.f7e4d5fea299445b

“….”cbf852bcb0dde08a

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I stared intently at the screen, waiting for a reply. But contrary to my expectations, it didn’t come quickly. Tens of minutes, an hour, several hours passed.cc549e887e407701

As I waited 71e924f277 for an indefinite 0a47d73354 reply, crumpled on 6c76ccd022 the sofa, my 6763a2c32b eyes started to 2a955f4660 droop against my f4ce1f72b7 will.0b2873b116a09917

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Just like that, with 6097d394ae my phone clutched in 67ef2d94e4 my hand, I drifted f2b70f3d91 off to a light 7efc449b6b sleep without even realizing c73aa1688a it.3506d7ccfbcda3bd

And in 6ed7d91005 that brief 733765470d dream, I 19f8b18c09 had a 88d53fbaac horribly unpleasant f719122dd4 dream.4ae78b40b286c110

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‘Inha, why are you so wet and soft inside?’8fc53c994631f7a2

‘Ugh, Director… hyung.’0ba3e1faba8c403b

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A hand casually groping Inha’s thin collarbone. And a disgusting voice pouring over Inha’s wet lips.e395cc4ecfc2ec31

‘Let’s do it after we drink. Okay?’86ae19669a45bacd

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“Sh*t…!”f0d7698b8c383dd9

I jolted 3c3568002b awake, covered 0fe781df5e in goosebumps.e00b8bf286401559

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“Gasp… What the. F*ck…”c60c9c755dca1381

I looked around, but I was enveloped in silence. However, my heart was still pounding loudly in my ears, and the chillingly vivid scene wouldn’t leave my mind. I repeatedly brushed back my sweat-dampened hair.59e47f4a4310baf8

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It was a short 83f5d11f3a dream, but the texture 8f0946884e of the skin, the 1e49e8bd89 wet sounds, everything was ef4b8c3c68 so vivid. It felt so d1eff03422 real that it 784fcf7b27 took me a 2ea83f27d4 while to accept d2fdcaa0a0 that what I 1534878a2d had just seen 8238cb6ffd was a dream.72016cd2722730bd

“It felt so real, it couldn’t be a prophetic dream… or something, could it?”81588cc4a814e674

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The mere thought sent a chill down my spine. Of course, I knew it was just a delusion conjured up in my mind. It was probably because of the photo of Inha I had seen right before falling asleep. The blurry figure of Director Lee behind him was unpleasantly imprinted in my mind, and I had just sent Inha a message saying let’s have a drink together when we become adults…6337281031852f69

Perhaps all 964140e0e9 of this cde9ed6580 had mixed 1f42d863bc together to e7c822ad64 create this b1e0b5e07a bizarre delusion. Even though c93cd6eaed I knew 957cbd5ad4 it was 3c3d54e4c2 a delusion d85c5991aa of my 4826941e37 own making, f3e7d1b68a I felt 512600b6e4 incredibly depressed.44ecc59e64bff16e

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To shake off the b672571ab6 unpleasant thoughts, I immediately 3d8f2b604c rushed to the bathroom c2a768ccca and took a cold 55f0da3c43 shower.6948069f2577a7fe

‘But where is he soft and where is he wet? Inside… where…?’489adf5fa0f656cd

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Unwanted imaginations confused me.5d268d6c372b1956

“No, why is this happening all of a sudden…”879b438c2035887d

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Perhaps because ce6264e6e3 of the 51865a02ec strange dream, fed74b9e3f an unexpected 901f5ec68e arousal came 1de3cebf08 over me. Flustered by my sudden f0e89b8366 erection, I tried to f0ff74f801 erase the image of 8295934f92 Inha from my dream. I chanted patriotic d8f3104df5 songs, picturing Buddha, a0c9aed2bb and scrubbed my 8fc48c4bf0 skin raw with 295265fa02 a shower towel 630007b5d4 before the untimely 3ca75dc4f8 arousal finally subsided.7bdd0d6e09ff1762

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Unable to bear it any longer, I visited Inha’s dorm two weeks later.e21c2cdf90d0f79e

I had heard that trainees about to debut often have their phones confiscated. The only explanations for this level of radio silence were that his phone had been taken away or his number had changed. Otherwise, I couldn’t comprehend nice Inha ignoring me to this extent.a3b08d09d2b4ce7f

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Ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong.1b65faad246d5ccf

“Ha… Is no one there?”a172120d763db568

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I pressed the doorbell 47c4ca0c3e several times at three-minute 17b3922425 intervals, but there was 0e571ca0db no response from inside. They were probably all 1821f89b1b at the practice room.9cfd324e2ac5a9ba

I exhaled a white puff of breath in the cold air and looked up at the fourth floor. It was daytime, so I couldn’t tell if the lights were on or off inside.ca5e6e13c4c62ec7

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After a moment, I 6e1e8ae11b reluctantly picked up my 6c93ae440d phone.0423fef6e56c347f

‘I didn’t want to use this method…’b65fab1834f8b8b3

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The phone rang 06f91338a1 exactly three times 2f9cabf8d0 before the other 37eebaecd9 person picked up.34060dddc4922b6d

―Oh, yeah. Jihee, is that you? Did you do 6b0e72f883 well on the 7290511543 CSATs?3b9b695a22daf79f

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It was none other than the manager at Inha’s company. Before the CSATs, desperate to get inside Inha’s company building, I had contacted him using the casting opportunity as an excuse.31372b793a403bdb

―So, have 114860aa0b you talked ba86181c2a to your 0fc90a1636 parents?2d834ade4b839853

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“Yes, actually… I’m near the company right now.”d3b4edd53a2b0428

Getting inside the company 4ac782e424 building again was ridiculously 7ed833a0cb easy. Soon, I was 1a002948a6 sitting in a 852d47ce64 meeting room inside 1e3db64c0e the company, sipping 5aa94c91e6 a cup of 1da4ef32d9 warm tea.da757545bf1c2423

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“Now, since the CSATs are over, shall we have a proper talk?”e406c55c907861c3

The problem was that I didn’t think I could use this method to get into the company every time. I had absolutely no intention of signing with this company.b23a92b986ce3a7b

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“I have to start as a trainee too, right?”854e11f287f66359

“Huh? Do you want to be an idol? We were thinking of you as an actor.”eadfd92c548c9642

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I definitely don’t want that…22ed384679297e3a

“My parents keep suspecting it’s a scam. If you could just give me a copy of the contract, I’ll take it home and… look at it with my parents.”ecd4c93325058a7a

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“Oh, sure. I’ll make a copy for you. It’s confidential, so please be careful not to let it get out.”aed209631a84faaf

Finally, I c1090a6db8 received a 4cce579bae copy of 36734584d8 the contract eb90add596 in a d810d824e7 folder and c23004e02c was able 4625a7f870 to leave d7f007a835 the meeting fc91a41df0 room. And before dfdb2e93b6 the employees c2eb12fb81 who came ae03e4175b to see 20bdc9d851 me off, 84d5c6a663 I added 801c1f7ca4 in a e22a6388c8 hurried tone,bb63fa79723f424f

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“By the way, are the debut team kids… are they practicing now?”ce8677a375035452

“Yeah, they should be upstairs. But why do you ask?”4ea6d9ca8563242a

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That meant efd5410368 Inha was 16b3f3b89a there too. The corners of my 7058583f61 mouth twitched upwards at e0aa92ce9c the welcome news.5adca3d3bc325c28

“Oh, I went to the dorm earlier, but no one was there.”7e72af9425585ca2

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“You’re really close with our kids, huh?”a5a1dcda52c8986b

“Yes, I suppose…”aa64fdfac58d9f37

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Actually, I didn’t have any other friends besides Inha, but I just glossed over it.e0d6ca98f8efd754

“Well, our manager said he cast you there.”5139cdd3d817e7f8

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“Then, can I stop by the practice room for a bit?”6383271758c872d7

“The practice room?”82336cb9cc4288a4

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“Yes, I’ll just say hello to Inha and leave.”1412a9232f94ad0d

“Inha… To Inha…?”4f3e558c866c2242

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The two bcc06218aa employees exchanged c0c4608bbf glances.ed2e48cc2a1e4a3a

“Sure, go ahead.”aedd502e46f7187b

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“But Inha’s not there, only the other kids are.”489af9e585d62952

“Yes? Yes…”0ed10b688301566f

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I bowed and got on the elevator to the practice room, briefly pondering the meaning of “Inha’s not there.”170f20f21c273167

He couldn’t have been hospitalized again because of his knee inflammation, could he? Or was he resting because of some other problem…7ed3d1463398b1d3

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When I arrived in 4861404578 front of the practice 161d8d6a02 room on the second 353cbe1935 floor, I could hear 0e09de1e0a music through the soundproof 646d83ead6 walls.3529549e5b5cfa7f

I stood in front aa0b7aebe2 of the practice room 1a671de4ac and peeked inside through be62da4ab8 the small window. I first 07c5c7819d spotted the a591a512a8 familiar faces 91f6585b3c of Changyoung 8c6714c4b8 and Junghyun. I waited there 7d83a6a14e until the end 3d4f413638 of the song, 3aea6fe891 and when the 85211ed5d8 music stopped, I dd59c99358 knocked softly. Changyoung, who recognized eacdce9633 me through the 1f63a3dea5 mirror, frowned and afba7da1b4 walked towards the 6e29cf1c80 door.d892a3b5338e84bc

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The door 8b579dbd70 burst open. Changyoung stepped completely 3c9b40d53c out into the 9f7bf6dbab hallway, closed the 4d1332c935 door, and asked,67ff5fa430ded243

“Why are you here?”d8500a993f03b9f1

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“Where’s Inha?”ce0e6d47dfeb6f91

“I asked why you’re at the company.”6f1fa987969f2e26

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“I came to see Inha.”5ecf8a38d9d9a1f1

At my words, he 6188c71142 made a complicated expression cef4ad6073 and adjusted his cap. His sweat-drenched hair 8f276af899 was disheveled under cfdd74c040 the cap.849599b4bf4d63c1

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“What’s that in your hand?”9ba411e6f2805176

“This…”2c56bcc2605f834e

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I held up the 4738a00b30 documents I had just 449e2a6fcb received from the rookie 3f44d62c76 development team staff.8d4d1dfc555b3e7d

“A contract.”898869090c5c7cb9

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“Our company’s contract?”ad2442852ebd2931

“Yeah.”e095a68d7e113ccd

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At that, Changyoung’s already unpleasant expression hardened even further.669425c0747b4ace

“Jung Jihee, are you going to become a celebrity?”44b11f99aab4c6eb

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“Are you crazy?”d2cf4353861e045f

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense for you to do it after telling Inha not to.”ed6f9992b5862dd1

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I frowned at his 91c6eafb18 words.8d80e330381e654d

“When did I tell him not to?”4ca4fb1cfca924ce

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“Sh*t… Forget it.”6fccc7d8dcba0cd5

Changyoung looked 046a0a8b9e away, as 094f0a652c if he 79405e64b2 wanted to 9f8d6c9e30 curse. I grabbed f3020c6c9d his shoulder fd851e5939 and turned 0082a6b219 him around.730b203d5b10659f

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“Let’s get this straight. I never told Inha not to. He’s not someone who would listen to me even if I did.”9196b56cd9aaeb6a

“….”064bfe963b8cb825

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“And this, I just received it.”b8de066c3e6d8be7

“….”6d8b64863937aabf

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“Inha isn’t answering my calls… This was the only way I could get inside the company.”f58875b0be6b8e7f

At that, 9494f80807 Changyoung let 0d68f7a86a out a 551239a476 heavy sigh. We faced 56b4a5b0d0 each other 29ef313fe7 for a c9099ca4af moment, our 9505e052d4 expressions hardened.6b8741096f678cdf

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“How come opportunities just fall into your lap?”49badd5a3d79625f

“I don’t even consider it an opportunity. You guys know better than anyone. A contract isn’t everything.”27e8224e02f65528

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“…Anyway, don’t show that to Inha.”48a3ada5892928f9

Despite his somewhat hostile 9244437b2e tone, I answered obediently. I felt 9df2ac04ad it was 1fe165d1e5 the only 435f30eec6 way to 910795f078 get him 4870a16d00 to talk.c335849cb31dea96

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“Okay.”ae1383453554556d

“….”1c57b661df71ee57

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“Now tell me. Where’s Inha?”8ed25cdd5a5be4e0

“He’s…”bb7d623735d5e9f4

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Changyoung let out another sigh, I don’t know how many now, and opened his mouth. It was as if a simple answer was caught in his throat.a966699d562a7ca8

“At home.”70af14e17343ba07

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“No one was at the dorm.”2f9706059a306843

“No.”f7da840348267bc3

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He shook 5cf464f46b his head f6a5d6dc7e irritably.955c290794039141

“At his hometown.”fd07b50315959736

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“….”481699fbed6022e8

“Inha’s contract was terminated.”48ee87608f4ac9a2

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“What?”ad37d6850ce5dc52

That was an answer I hadn’t even imagined.d8ba52cb829cb026

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“He was… dropped from the final debut team.”3ac254fe53736f4e

“….”f4e7e898d82553fe

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“He’s not answering my calls either. He’s completely gone off the grid. That idiot… It’s not like our friendship ends just because he can’t debut.”12d0438d22d8b593

“….”3e460b2e4d28637f

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“But I didn’t know he wasn’t answering your calls either.”c304ab497f711219

Seeing Changyoung’s weak smile, all the strength drained from my body. At the same time, the folder I was holding slipped from my hand and fell to the floor.e73f87ad4da2ece8

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