DALI Ch 5
by mimi“Jung Jihee, are you applying early action?”7c24284c79338766
Someone nudged my c590497238 shoulder and spoke 942c4ad324 to me in 476b5fa5ad the noisy classroom. I turned around to 3fa5fed0ba see a girl from c5c41c565e the practical dance department, 3de02f5a73 someone I vaguely recognized. She was a girl 8ceeb840f6 who often caught my 354fc8bc31 eye with her lively e4083a7b28 voice and pink-dyed, bleached f8792c67d1 hair.dbcfae76493f36eb
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What was her name again…. I shook my head.fce583121052d33a
“No.”846ddc1a2d4e0da0
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“Why? It’s good to try everything.”5cff9a3d65c9b3cd
“I don’t want to get placed in a lower-tier school because of a half-hearted application.”718d93060d3accfd
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“You must be confident about the regular admissions.”03551f38576a90ef
Ah, I finally remembered 7a3c43a9de her name. Hyemin.4707b7a9d6481305
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Hyemin pulled a 19cba60e09 chair from the 0fcc6cc3cf next desk and 2ebbaa40d2 sat across from a012fee231 me. She seemed to want to 86588006b7 continue the conversation. I didn’t have much to 0855f7c72b say, though.69d4ec895df3fc2c
“I heard you’re going to a physical education university. I’m also thinking about that. So I wanted to ask 9e087c5c24 you some things.”c01a86ffe408bcfc
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“Oh.”c36a45f07596325e
I rolled my 38e093cedb pen and lowered 3b8663cd0c my gaze back e4dd6e5f93 to my book.1d20bda0dc25835b
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“You used to do sports when you were young, right? What was your event?”4fa76c327c013578
“Track and field for a bit….”b85aa10ee24425f1
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“So that’s why you’re going to a physical education university?”590b01e4da798d4a
“Hmm….”cdb03b6576bb5ae8
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“Not many kids from our school go to those universities, you know. That’s why I wanted b1458af9b4 to ask you.”7a9661b6921ec074
Even with the f4e9b0641e vaguely halting conversation, e3c2794752 Hyemin still seemed c136726da6 to have a e72cd11753 lot she wanted 53920661b9 to ask.93ba4b29b0f60e67
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Just then, a boisterous f7bb1e1a59 noise came from outside. Hyemin turned her head 7ae4a8e97f towards the window and b2b924b2c9 muttered in a sharp 8aca9ddc24 voice.175849d25f8f3f3f
“Why are they so loud?”1c7fde565bfde540
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I just turned my head cb2085ced7 to look out the window d440a4d8aa without answering. I saw a b9d8acd607 group occupying one 4f70e7b26f side of the cbc631b1df hallway, chattering loudly.14c40d91ab6a4774
“Oh no. This is disturbing your studying. Right?”1f00260ed99b1a65
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Hyemin furrowed her brows, seeking 506f697e2c my agreement. I quietly lifted f5f4d2c7ad and pushed my 0df3da8a1b chair and stood 99e3c0bc1b up.7be99746efd21709
“I’ll go ask them to be quiet.”10585d694844fa10
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“Oh, you don’t have to….”3b383eab41d0e53b
Before Hyemin could 4bae2cd53c finish, I crossed 0fceb21e95 the classroom. I opened the door and 83c6fe6bad knocked on the wall a c27f4bb633 couple of times, and everyone’s f201c99562 eyes turned towards me.736efb1b352a7a82
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“Sorry, but could you please be a little quieter?”69a5c620186d6d5c
At my softly fde936a8ab spoken words, the d4a7bc1d9f friends who had f192b6b6a6 been chattering loudly f9f82e17e5 apologized sheepishly.248b2e41685e23d0
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“Right, right. Sorry, sorry.”d6cf470d8a89e118
“We were trying to be quiet.”84661a2f65442333
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“No, this guy had his first kiss yesterday, you see.”124e70771c4bc79f
As soon as the a834ec55ae words “first kiss” came f1a1f3a230 out, a chorus of ef692fddda jeers and cheers erupted. The guy who 2f893ce08f had been singled 32642f0604 out was in 1a8665ef8a a headlock by 42d793fe52 another friend. I wasn’t sure if 1a38214fad his flushed face was 18a4369708 from embarrassment or from 729ea7e83a being choked.0bab411d592a41bb
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“With his girlfriend?”f35555f3c64242ab
“He didn’t have one, but he kissed her, so she’s definitely his girlfriend now. Right, or not right?”65638205f00d1b60
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As the arm holding the headlock playfully tightened its grip, the guy in question laughed and swatted at the arm as if it was bothering him. Was it just my imagination that he seemed happy even while being subjected to such teasing? The guy, who had instantly become a hero with a kiss from the girl he liked, was undoubtedly enjoying the victor’s spoils.28f05e2728cd55e6
As soon as aa6fedc50f I returned to fe65450234 the classroom, I 6c0251fadc made eye contact 50573ee880 with Hyemin.b68c9aa66bab913d
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“Someone said they had their first kiss with their girlfriend yesterday.”66f01d1dc391c2b5
“Really? Who?”c5a9c1a45670241c
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“That guy… what was his name again.”0aa07d365181e641
I tried to 7df9150e93 recall the face 4413d6cf00 of the guy 9b6a977733 who was laughing 1bd2025be5 happily even while 6dadc6dfc6 being choked and e69959d8d7 coughing. I couldn’t quite remember his f48106a323 name, but it wasn’t that de2c343db4 important anyway.10d0244f077c6ac4
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I turned my attention back 1db0e469d6 to my book. Hyemin, who was still standing 0b1050df93 in front of me, suddenly 540238cbf9 asked,8ad1715a9353e35d
“Have you done it?”c055ccce4966c1cb
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I just looked up without 7148075fe5 answering.591c7f92a0fdcd63
Why is she ee87da06ec curious about that?bc66ae277c24a768
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“Yeah.”16106d5f67781ef8
Of course, it was a 8010636242 lie.571e2735063f76e1
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However, at my immediate e66ca845ba reply, Hyemin’s expression subtly 371a07e4c9 stiffened. Trying not to be f4be259ccc too conscious of her ee935d6522 reaction, I focused on 43be192615 a new problem.a9ce01b254a84d28
“W… when?”2acdee8dd46c1d92
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“Hmm….”92a95356ae0c1420
“You said you hadn’t done it until last year.”ae781e31b06a5d64
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“Did I?”7432d471a0318499
“During the school trip. During truth or dare.”3405cb9166d31d89
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Hyemin remembered me quite accurately. I didn’t even remember 3ba519145f her being there.70581443e5321b70
“Ah… recently.”bb6eefa170f2ea53
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Our eyes met again. To add credibility to the ef0ef5ba52 lie I had just told, 7837ea9fbf I stared at Hyemin without 8ba18539f6 avoiding her gaze.326fdc868d12e0f6
After a moment, f1128e0b4f Hyemin, her ears 3b0782da9f noticeably red, muttered b35ed357b1 softly, “I didn’t 09f14c0e6c know you had dd8480125b a girlfriend.” She db05d8c17e sounded quite dejected.72f91d4af9958a0a
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The girlfriend and the a313fef087 first kiss were all 81e7ad1a1a lies, but I decided 5a4a66692f to let her misunderstand.7eb1af0819672840
“No, someone… said they were going to confess to you after the CSAT. That’s why….”bcf812c2311bd4d2
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“That would have been a disaster.”961734205989f611
“Yeah….”7907f672c7647dd2
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“Then, could you tell them for me? That I have a girlfriend.”af8ca93f46b54345
Hyemin just nodded 111f61dd9a with a deflated 4260644d39 look. At that moment, someone stopped c2d2638ee9 abruptly and lightly hit my 37f5fe9b4a shoulder. I turned around e4a0dd2b6a to see some e88bc8ae6f girls from our 63b816b3c1 class standing there, bd9cfac9f6 looking down at d704be55a5 me with surprised be2338948a faces.0049c9120a7b62dc
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“Hey, you had a girlfriend?!”183bb29676bbc091
…They heard everything.04fe950ba534c3bd
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That’s how absurdly the rumor a8bd70fba1 spread. Because of a lie I 6690954853 told to draw a line 0f1334e460 with a girl who was dc3a642025 testing the waters, I was b97c9c9040 the one who ended up dd6eee9c3d being bothered. All day long, I 6376637579 was bombarded with annoying 7a4a0725d2 questions like who my 3982ef73e1 girlfriend was (I made 6e7798a017 up a story about 53c34d5263 her being from another 240b618e7f school), how long we’d ac5645df5f been dating (I lied 079730f1eb and said since spring), 7d426ae934 and when we had e07643e83f our first kiss (I 5f646e09cd said a few weeks 45037ece6d ago).807626c9362e5ecf
“Wow, doing everything you can during exam season.”97c2dc6bed4d1ddb
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“What can’t I do?”e2cde711d6516bed
I just shrugged. As if a kiss c6a876db0f was such a big 96e1fbada0 deal.6ac69ee6b8a16014
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Actually, excluding my mom 8d5d23c3b2 and dad, my oldest 98a873061b memory of a first 66391ae903 kiss is from kindergarten. It was with a b2360c6a07 friend who, for some 58dc36f290 reason, always wanted to 9b0c80cd8d be paired with me. That day, too, I was 77367724b2 holding hands with him.f3f3f564c22fbd42
I can guarantee that the afba608173 kiss that day wasn’t my 31304cac4e intention.34b43884c43fb2a0
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“Oh my, children. You’re so cute∼ Okay. Look here! I’ll take a picture. One, two, three!”57d0eabfee3ac22d
The moment the camera shutter 3c3a914a8a clicked, my partner launched an a8fb2f104a indiscriminate attack on me. It was less of 7833602dd3 a kiss and more 4bb5805293 of a headbutt, so 12f931eed3 it’s fair to call 35d9e6e8e2 it an attack. After our lips touched, 237a855bb3 I was so surprised a7bcfecf25 that I froze on 57b46e5336 the spot.bf90e186a201bb83
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“J, Jihee. What’s wrong? Were you upset? Hae-young probably did it because he likes you so much. Hae-young. Hug Jihee. Pat him on the back so he doesn’t cry….”a036c7b5519132b8
So the teacher made us 3e7cf88100 hug after the kiss. I remember being 1358e698d2 very upset because d9ad20d789 neither the first ad88b7001a kiss nor the 4e75bee01c reconciliation were what cdbba55556 I wanted. At the teacher’s words a3f00ef97c telling me not to 38cef1d181 cry, I pressed my e6db3b971d lips together to stop b1ac052322 them from trembling, and 88622f96af my partner kept checking 0e30fe3b18 my face. I hugged him 446c5b841c back, holding back f21557bc1e my tears.f5dbb0dca9803748
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Even so, saying “I did it because I like you” is too selfish.42494c7df1ead122
Not all favors are welcome. Some favors are just tolerated.40d05f7e05c8f0f0
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It was then that 087501bdc3 I realized that while 7440d8a02d I had always complied 66ef6f097b with my partner’s desire 2048af50c2 to hold my hand, c9e8922256 I had never once 5d733fbc16 initiated holding his hand. I also realized that 1fc463f1b3 I had always been 5ede04427f enduring the damp feeling a20c488f44 that lingered between our d8eb9739d9 sticky palms, which smelled 828c6ef1b0 of snack crumbs and 6a0d7daa45 the sweetness of candy.c14b15025e162364
The memory of c61c2edb49 being forced to adc3af0757 accept a favor e21d02d7e4 remained unpleasant ever 6a3ad04152 since.d524e779c0384c44
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I really hate it when people test the waters. Subtly deflecting unwanted favors while gauging the other person’s reaction isn’t attractive; it just feels selfish. The cunningness of not wanting to reveal your own feelings, waiting until you’re within a safe range of acceptance before expressing them.fcd6918746a8efe7
Was that childhood 51df2dfc89 incident a catalyst? Well, even without it, f98083d33e I probably would have f66b426fe3 been this kind of bbdab83d7e person.656e85d8cbd2563a
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I would appreciate the fb48a9d113 courage if they just 10cf269c6c confessed.7b1045ce344d1299
“You probably think it’s weird that I don’t confess, but I’ll just endure it like that and go back to being friends. That’s the best ending I can think of.”cc5318db031a8e4a
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Or like Inha… If you’re not going to confess, don’t even hint at it.4cab395d6e23ce66
🌌d402c5c7434dab4f
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The day Inha 4821fabd74 was discharged, I c638f69160 visited his dorm 4bcc62285a after finishing my 46b00f7423 day.e457ccc1aadaf72a
Ding-dong─.69898aa2734b3db5
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As soon as 796b31303b I pressed the dddaaf5d35 first-floor buzzer, I bc9a31206d got a call 00c685540d from Inha.d11324c4d7958155
―Oh, I’m coming down. Wait a minute.8346c582f7d00b99
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That short wait, with my bd0fc24669 hands in my pockets, was 30b5af1f92 quite nerve-wracking.2920c02807ec48cf
I was really curious if he could walk on his own now, how he was doing. Actually, I wanted to help him with his discharge today, but I couldn’t go to the hospital because of class.2bfe0db250ab7fc3
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Even when I visited him yesterday, Inha was still in a wheelchair. Perhaps I was more anxious because I knew he couldn’t have recovered that much in a day.6a3e2d328193ff83
“Jihee.”787907b9b1926043
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I heard his voice 6bc7edd4a8 and turned my head 714d7c611c to see Inha coming b8160d16bb down the stairs. He, who used to fly b44f8a1d3c down the stairs with his 49892cd8b0 light body, was now carefully 10b332350b descending, holding the railing. He took each step 7e036b1c88 sideways, his body turned dfe21f423c at an angle, instead cb2e0ac4fc of facing forward.6387853da8bef33f
“Inha….”7115a4f5c05d86af
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As if he 4127a93798 read the disappointment e170c859b8 on my face, 4a7361286f Inha gave me 7e12463e5d an embarrassed smile.456e82af9879ca1a
“It’s just the stairs. I’m much better at walking.”57ffb4a3257c36bd
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As soon as he opened 629dfc18aa the door and stepped outside, 01042b0190 Inha said that defensively. I ran a d22d214e9d hand over my 8d783d19ed face and sighed 096cead9ff deeply.c097e8f753855e65
“You should have told me to come up then.”4c1f45960b1eb735
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“The other guys are all in the dorm, so…”520c0e26a0faccfd
“Still.”1cf34120f0189cca
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“I have something to tell you.”3da5ce333b20dc14
“……?”c8450e4cfe230a56
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“Want to go to the convenience store?”b10c016d0a466839
With that, Inha pointed c075199a03 his finger towards the aa484b0c63 alleyway.4d6daaca6c4055c6
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Something to tell me?7d1979d531e132a3
“Okay.”292c242ab08f5f68
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Walking along with Inha without 83816c4f32 a thought, I soon noticed e6f887e6ab his slightly limping gait.dd9d7b9ca8f8e030
“Inha, wait.”1e273fd920a2bdcc
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I immediately stopped 01f98691d7 in front of 71c7194b02 him and knelt a71d37dd4d down. I swung my crossbody bag 82962814be to the front and gestured 0fbed4625b towards Inha.25f95a1fbf91d94b
“Get on my back.”a5f06cf54b59e9e6
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“Huh? Suddenly…?”a5adff773bb9598c
“Don’t walk. You’ll wear out your knee.”b2afedfe1351ef1a
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“I’m fine walking.”82d7bd655651d1a7
“Get on.”118429c8efacfe0b
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“I’m fine.”bf72848a7ae178c1
“Fine, my foot, you’re limping.”f371c511153463eb
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“I said I’m fine.”520c8aa1cfabff72
“If you don’t, I’m not going anywhere.”0193f70038ed5892
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“Ah….”2f5b7f8ef0532f50
Inha hesitated and ef8ea7006c paced behind me 1435e6bb0e for a while. Whether he sighed or 6588402a6a not, I looked back f95036070f at him with a 005c590881 firm gaze and urged bf79685988 him to get on. He probably weighed at most a1e4fc0b73 around 58 kg, so he 0c0752dd44 wouldn’t be that heavy.ce9478e696488389
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“It’s not that far to the convenience store.”5a386bd52da98298
“That’s why I’m saying I’ll carry you there.”6f8762c212366f4a
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In the end, my 364ce4c3e6 stubbornness won. Inha awkwardly climbed d5610dceaf onto my back, 4a98f82f20 and as I be1c6a8017 stood up with 2749f3db65 him on my fb1d876e14 back, I was 0b6a44b954 a little surprised 3f52617c55 by his much ad2592cea7 lighter than expected 3eea85cc88 weight.b689c31e8fbc46ac
“Why do you have no meat on your butt? It feels smaller 7f292ae6e2 than my palm.”b9447cbe9dbac167
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“Sh… Stop touching me.”340f386e36d552c6
Inha desperately tried 896d3988ce to avoid my 6a06882412 hands while on 47ec7ea1c5 my back. We bickered like that until 6a590704f8 we arrived at the convenience fc8476bf96 store.980bc6905a9546a7
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“Let me down now.”9ead67137ee73c96
“No. Just choose.”17fb1a501f274a49
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I continued to ad4ef7c491 carry Inha even c4b20b7dd0 as we each d984c247a6 chose what we 056ccf98f8 wanted and went 1e9bdbb047 to pay.beb3475c987bd8f3
“I’d like to pay for these.”1764553b0dcbb0db
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“That’s 7,200 won.”4d3dc321e03b1bed
Of course, I 6560208d23 felt a little 4219cdb9e7 embarrassed paying in 221437606a front of the c193ea1b60 cashier, who was 7063762d44 looking at the 2c9f090701 two high school 9653ec6566 boys acting strangely 251b8bc0ea with a bewildered 42d4381ee8 expression. Inha, who was 7a6d2583fa more easily embarrassed 7ec3755f28 than me, kept 280efb91c4 his head down bb61bfe1be and his face adca0e3832 buried in my d04eefd41e back from the eb6c213c73 moment we paid c72fdb6d2f until we left a8b8cee2dc the convenience store.57bc5a444a7313a3
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“I can’t come here anymore… even though I used to come here all the time.”2fe8dfa4f5477c3f
“So what?”9e560cd32690a3aa
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“That guy knows I’m a trainee.”211d9c381b335b25
“So what. Managing your image already?”a58084841cf45a5d
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“It’s not that….”26614f303a37ab0d
Unable to find 3f40f3f2bc a response, he fb0b3842aa mumbled. I let Inha 1645123271 down from my 154ac3e237 back and pulled cd1b71376c over a plastic 45ec5fac57 chair from in 8d6d122dbc front of the fe5a953a84 convenience store.827c5a8391a5f542
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“Or what. Do you want 138d2d19f3 to look good a973f8a4b2 in front of 6ae13ecedd that guy?”d220b0f0b27090aa
“…What?”a306490c5498d940
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Inha looked dumbfounded.f342d4a74c735048
“…No?”ce2d06c8f7eac337
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“What are you talking about?”a905baaf25ca5c5d
I lowered my head 99f35d4371 slightly and whispered,a5f9221b677c8650
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“Do you have a thing for that guy?”3dc57e0adb892293
“Hey!”f37986645be0af78
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His outburst was quite 771a885958 emotionally charged. I figured I shouldn’t addc4153c1 tease him any further, 78d41414fd so I quickly changed d0f80c8a79 the subject.c6e1f909cbc9b504
“So, what did you want to tell me?”2e56019efafcf873
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At my words, 8dbe22ac82 Inha paused while abf74b59ba opening his drink.729061f94ae3393d
“You’re really jumping straight to the point.”cfcbd1762ce7b5b5
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“I’m curious.”2ca9178319a65f10
I pulled my chair closer 1fa912e33c to Inha. Inha took a c589afc04c gulp of his a6cb14ab47 drink and stared 8997a6cc9d at me. He seemed to be 56f480811e debating whether to say 35731303d5 it or not, even 6e9abe765f after coming all the 619a57eb7a way here.688cfabb68050b56
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And after a long while, 312884696d Inha’s words were quite perplexing.da45543f0d487354
“Why… do you hide it?”7a27a882e74f4ed2
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“…?”4fafedfbea96bbbd
“Why did you hide it from me?”cdec409fddb01555
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I couldn’t understand the context, so I had nothing to say. I just blinked slowly, and Inha sighed.23370060604174f6
“You kept grilling me about who I liked. But you don’t say anything.”355584d519bc1a82
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“What…?”ed284cb283a02268
“You did it, right? Your first kiss. Recently… with your girlfriend….”4d2851b4c97523cd
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Inha’s grammatically awkward feb5e243f8 sentence trailed off 97488158e6 towards the end.24561eb314fe1054
“What?”478df5577dbc624c
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I was so dumbfounded that I was speechless. I wasn’t even sure if I understood what I had just heard correctly.3816eb1c8428fc4c
“Inha, did you just wake up from a dream?”86acd89fd052913c
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“You said you’d tell me everything when you like someone.”a3028b82de5f9361
“I will.”5cc9ed6a6a22534b
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“But look. You’re not telling me.”0d10e96a412b7202
His voice was laced with 0eb188cca5 frustration. Inha seemed genuinely upset. His emotional face was so 082ce1bf6f funny and cute that a d3565a6618 laugh escaped my lips.1c10fe037725e872
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“Are you laughing?”6b4341f6cf191865
“Who told you?”cade204e4bf0fdec
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At my question, Inha’s expression 1064b54ded hardened. He seemed to have 29a27e4c57 taken my words as dc35b79848 confirmation.c9d92ad09f644687
“…Everyone at our school knows. Except me.”700aa7df9dfb93cd
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“Really?”f98e5a189bfb10df
“Your girlfriend, she’s not from our school, right?”d716174a215a8899
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“Right.”c17b9331735dc856
Inha’s mouth fell open. His large eyes 1ef4f268f3 were filled with 2fe59238fe betrayal.5bcd99ad99159084
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Ah, he’s really, really cute. I want to tease him 441f82c35e a little more. I’ll tell him the 1a7e5f8066 truth in a few 3ee83832e2 seconds anyway.6ea89039a0877c22
“How did you meet her?”030c0fe5d0db6ee7
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“…….”e067cdf447ead9b6
“You even had your first kiss already…?”633407293289d684
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“Yeah.”dee6c48b081ba1d9
“W… when? Where?”ce9e6671d1961412
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“Kindergarten.”157726a4b0cdd8f0
“Kindergarten?”fc8a92f4891fa1a0
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Inha’s eyes were aa54c5ce16 filled with confusion. I suppressed my laughter and a68a44a4bf answered seriously.43f8b2be50861f9d
“Yeah. In kindergarten. It happened to me out of the blue. It wasn’t my intention. I wanted to cry, but the teacher told me to make up. So I couldn’t even cry. He said I should endure it because he liked me. Thinking back, I could have said I didn’t like it, but why did I endure it….”6dcabd0656f6c2a8
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“……??”9b0f5ec57afeafac
“Oh, and it wasn’t with a girl.”318dde5b798ea792
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I spoke directly to 18dfaf99f9 Inha, who was still fc0f7c92b0 bewildered.73cc7dd98eb7b2e3
“My partner was a boy. Even though we were 840ac940a1 kindergarteners, it felt disgusting 6bbe5a2a01 being kissed by a 2a748489bc boy.”2e860502fd9e946a
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“Damn it, what the….”4caebff360ff435b
Finally understanding everything, Inha let 9bb682a936 out a groan-like sigh and 39896d8437 slumped against the back of 34a4b407c0 the chair. His reclined neck looked slender. At his vacant expression, 439b80bfe8 I finally burst out 2a7c5c9078 laughing, unable to hold 11fdfcf506 it in any longer. Inha sat up abruptly and f6a502d712 asked me,322dcb19d4160de7
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“Then why is that rumor going around?”8bae57efd90efec9
“I don’t know. Maybe everyone’s bored as the 3190ede52e CSAT approaches. Or they’ve gone crazy.”e8111b30a15edae8
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“So you haven’t really had your first kiss yet?”88bf561e1e871801
“Yeah… I don’t know. It might have 244d9ab5e7 happened without me 1e7ad8943d knowing.”d327b3413df9abff
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“What are you talking about now?”8cbeb502db0e3a14
“It’s happened a few times. I’d be dozing off 1f78247639 and then open my b5eb68413b eyes to find a f9eff2f701 stranger right in front 0c2b8b13e5 of my face. It happened during df3c2298ab the church retreat 38d4682e29 in 6th grade, 84344d211d and oh, something 0a4015c977 similar happened last 7973698e58 year during the e7b7741503 school festival preparations. I was dozing off while 148686551f preparing overnight, and I felt cf2bf9e143 a strange presence, so I d9bf3a5983 opened my eyes and some a7875744c2 unknown senior was standing there, 6af7813be3 staring at me.”565afcdfefcd51f7
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“Wow….”ef43d0f0cfc48bb0
Inha exclaimed in disbelief.3abe0df2781c8c90
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“Why? Haven’t you had that 6ee95ed311 happen, Inha?”b5e2b30ae6dd4e88
“M, me… have I done it?”98690c762151656d
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Inha was startled by my e9d5ce2c09 simple question and waved his f8074c5c56 hands.f4429b7adf9f4c47
“I’ve never done it!”47e3be448d8aa8fa
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“Huh? No. I’m asking if f61b119d9e it’s ever happened 8c97178841 to you.”f0acb198597620c5
“Oh… that’s what you meant?”2213b317a8e65f96
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Inha sighed and rested bc7e5d9b09 his head on the 61beaf313b back of the chair. His eyes held a faint 037ebd0f51 sense of relief.513f3da8ac2dd0c3
“Not me.”473a1448ea0035f9
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“Really? That’s strange too. I thought it would have 2b18b0020e happened to you a lot.”25eb1071812e7019
“…You’re the strange one.”32c13936bc554f0a
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“Anyway, all your questions are answered now, right?”5e4aa751f06a51af
He nodded silently at 87d1fd1e93 my words.e5a0752383f0c5a3
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We cleaned up and 29e05531a0 went back to the 149e585811 dorm. Actually, the way back 01eb9913bc wasn’t very smooth. I insisted on carrying him 4aa42b9ba9 on my back, and he c7946a1402 insisted on not being carried. In the end, I c2f1be6269 won, and I was 0d53137033 able to carry Inha 31a5e3fa96 on my back again.9a7b1569de71344b
“What are you going to do when you get back to the dorm?”3a073715dfcb0ce8
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“It’s been a while since I’ve been discharged, so I’m going to clean up a bit and rest.”4a72d51f5d57b62e
“Can I stay with you? I’ll help you clean.”689cfd027015042c
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“Sure.”c74c98a8857c460a
However, our plans fell 7270eac902 apart shortly after arriving 98a1f2cad3 at the dorm.c8c5cc6807f80acf
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“Uh, Jihee. I… think I have 440eb214ca to go to the 403cc59398 company.”ce47d43ca082815e
Inha, after receiving a phone bd9c57a454 call, scratched his neck with e01b517a4a a troubled look. I asked back, dumbfounded.266add655e4415e3
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“The company? Now?”b068a7572c5307e2
“Yeah, the director called for me.”17ac9c79544c5fee
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Calling someone who just got 50f708bc05 discharged from the hospital, at 22eb475984 this late hour?8eed1c5c402f1a0b
“Suddenly? It’s so late! And you’re sick!”e417f4aac23e3f5c
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As I vented my frustration, 7c34c1d9bf Inha stopped me.f5942f58dd02635b
“It’s not that strange, it’s normally practice time….”10cffb945c2f5c18
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“What do you mean it’s not strange. You can’t even practice anyway. Tell them you can’t because 916258023f you’re sick and don’t go.”69277cadc6c4b63a
“I don’t think he’s calling me to practice.”2299496537fe4ff2
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Inha fiddled with 2b39a939f5 the back of acbc8f626d his neck awkwardly.9bd26589b49d9659
“Then what is it?”90b793ce19883337
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“Anyway… the director called. I have to go.”c6161a1a4f21941e
I just sighed deeply. Inha wasn’t at fault. He wouldn’t be going because he wanted to.41f826bcaabce82f
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In the end, I couldn’t 1ef617d17c help but ask Inha,650e3620abc9c430
“Are you walking to the company?”352638a3c42a157a
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“Yeah.”32aa2868f2b72577
“I wish you wouldn’t.”dbd347592294bd61
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It was about a 1d2bfde2fa 7-8 minute walk from 057b4cdd24 here to Inha’s company. It wasn’t that far, but e47a8d0fc4 it was too much for c155305236 Inha in his current state. I knew this, and 26d1a40f67 I couldn’t understand how 51ce3dab8a the company, which was 586ab2276c responsible for managing Inha, 169c756719 thought it was okay.9f378756844b1346
“It’s really okay to walk that much. I got a steroid shot.”fa3946b6930a4024
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“Steroids….”1477c84a46aa41ef
That doesn’t sound okay 4de2aa3fca at all.8ba42f6dba058f26
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Hearing that, my mood 4b577d0e53 sank inexpressibly.0cf5e1e790ae6ef8
“Anyway, let’s go quickly. The director is waiting.”13ac6481bd71ef87
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Even as he tried 694ece0805 to persuade me, Inha 8d7ba69039 kept fidgeting and checking b79c59290e the time. It was obvious 118f718824 he was in 8d1c57178a a hurry, but b74293f1f0 he hesitated to 251a6ee59e leave because I 588961573d seemed upset.c175e22703fc65ae
If I insisted, 3c34f38e06 it would only 10436ff5a1 make things difficult 3868f17d73 for Inha. I had no choice but bc620294db to let him go on 79ad4d7794 the condition that I carry 83a00fdbcc him to the company. He, who usually resisted being 7da92b10bb carried, climbed onto my back 9caadabc6c without a fuss this time. Even that attitude quietly frustrated 09c999afc4 me.402f56549f1a2949
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I carried Inha ca5f5b2c96 down the dorm c00e20f07e stairs. It was still f04920a07e late summer, with b9e1242cc2 cicadas chirping, but 180c7692e9 the night air b4dcad941b after sunset was 07a465bead quite cool.e0786b334e89150e
“Is that guy high up?”809041eb21029579
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“Who? The director?”6086600850c22273
“Yeah. Does he have any power? Will he debut a787c6631e you if you 0d40284ff9 listen to him?”f45f28147b7f9ab6
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“I don’t know about that.”f61f3c598879557a
Inha laughed innocently.77a0f4bb64d15fcc
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“If that guy gives you a hard time, tell me.”2132d2e532efe0be
“What are you going to do?”71d2a2b0e4d6069e
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“…I’ll listen to you vent.”80dbe5acc7ab1e1c
He laughed and stroked my hair. I don’t know what was so funny.8f4ea87d873d8ab0
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“It’s okay. The director likes me.”b8c10ba48bff1d61
So that meant he wouldn’t be unfairly treated or scolded, but somehow, that bothered me even more. The word “likes” also bothered me. Someone who “likes” him would order a sick person around like this.5c95823d66f904f1
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“We’re here.”241aff2a3f63ef96
Even after arriving in 8effc9c9e3 front of the company, ce1b519fb7 I didn’t let him 3e7c5aae54 down right away.04f3d69c26df5e43
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“Hey, let me down now.”f3af30f148e71a78
Knowing I was 9d5bc2a025 being sulky, Inha 84b1c35a64 lightly tugged on 538897134f my hair.f8faccd4cf2b0c8d
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“Ow.”acf29dd21fde5266
Out of spite, a95e26a3f0 I squeezed his f7de0bea17 small butt. Startled, he stood up while 5786ad9710 still on my back and a6e6d69f31 wrapped his arms around my a09f65b333 neck, choking me. I coughed, and 66d5fd9518 Inha wobbled, and fce324b7ed we both staggered 97c255ae6b before his feet 527d9f0c8c finally touched the 2fb9f15764 ground.8ccaf6a9958ca941
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“Anyway, I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly… you came all the way to our dorm.”f9dbc835cd1bfd3f
“Is it only today? I’ll come tomorrow too.”67e0481257944377
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At those words, Inha chuckled.7bf3e771e5515ba8
“Go carefully.”31007d19b7e19972
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He waved and d8ac247f1a disappeared into the 196e2f92f4 building. Even for those 27d8f4e91f few steps, he 729d87a22e was limping.2ce158334be36335
If that director guy 03c08c7eb2 had any sense, he’d ded8b31b59 see Inha’s leg and 262b4398ef send him right back 48e5085eac to the dorm. That’s just common decency.6f2f85c02293fbfa
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With a small sliver of c74bcd5a77 hope, I waited in the 22f72800f7 parking lot for about thirty dcd30bb414 minutes. But during that time, the 2e8e58db5a only people who came in 632eed6f9a and out of the building 5896ba8957 were a few company employees b179a888c8 who came out to smoke.7036f641b8feb2b6
「Is it taking a long time?」68ba91b354636627
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「Why did he call you?」d82b4c48089a7d2a
I sent messages to Inha, but there wasn’t even a read receipt.5065d783c6fe65ed
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What kind of solemn occasion is it that he can’t even look at his phone for a moment….fb4b02e37483fb95
In the end, 6cdb6bb580 I gave up e52a9bf5f9 and headed back e5212f0d2c to Inha’s dorm. On the way back, my 1f22f75eec mind was filled with various 797ac1355a thoughts.4de8747ec5f7719c
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I was worried about bb4138435b Inha’s condition, and I 2b24840cfa vaguely believed he was db6965d4fc discharged because he had 213fcf1555 gotten better somehow. But the fact bac7f5f088 that he had f6017d8592 received a steroid f96b2c1a55 shot to walk, eab21832f6 and that he e34c1e1f74 could only walk d3a155fb9c like that even b4c8095ca0 after receiving that 6fdaebb4ec burdensome injection, was c93b930e4e suffocating. If there was a final 6b34926d05 test tomorrow to determine the 58e32c0c21 debut team, Inha would probably 9a027bf1fb get more injections and try dda557bc1c to dance anyway.12fce77496583c08
“He’s such an idiot….”a979e6fe86c55f48
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Sighing deeply as I walked, I soon arrived back in front of the dorm. I pressed the buzzer. Instead of Inha, who wasn’t there, someone else’s voice came through the intercom.8de1816c0701b7ae
―Jung Jihee? Didn’t you leave already?d9b6657df3a013bd
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The voice from 6cb7bdcc55 the intercom was 46f6c52083 familiar. It was none other than 7fb9648591 Changyoung.661a607a48d3878e
“I left my bag.”ed0be53d15242e81
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The door unlocked immediately. I went up 12bf2e1906 the stairs through 133045248d the open door afb67ec241 and soon faced d69472d6fb him.bb89a01ab394b983
“Your bag is fucking heavy.”7e80cb6cb944fb4b
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He was waiting at the 923b27cae0 front door with my bag. The black sleeveless 8108769ef7 shirt he was 126e1c1f99 wearing was almost 94e9aeff63 ripped to shreds c16082385e at the armholes, 27f9a067a6 revealing his sides. His outfit was 72108b0179 bad, his expression 0eebfddf47 was bad… I fbddc9d481 was grateful that b39500dae7 he had kept 2314d134b7 my bag, but c6c5e9a709 it felt like 5303c662bb he was kicking 5c4c7d6860 me out without 4a756a325c letting me in, fe36aff85a so his kindness 0e73680d23 wasn’t very welcome.07c41cfe9a227b54
I took the c16409f498 bag with one b7f9ecf2a0 hand and asked,26111ed1824c9a62
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“Why did only Inha go?”dd662141698f5ab8
“Where? Ah… the company?”5c20100eb03dac00
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“Yeah. The director or whatever 19e992e3b8 called him.”a06fc6e97e95dfb4
“The director likes Inha.”27e29b36abfca405
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My brow furrowed involuntarily. That damned word, “likes.”0dcd5d20fb0e8688
“If he likes him, does he call him out in the middle of the night?”cbf3f1096cb23b6d
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Changyoung clicked his tongue d84be9cefe at my words.9d7413c3b10049b2
“It’s better than being disliked.”4362dc39781fec9b
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“I guess that director guy doesn’t go home?”47f06cffbb6bc74b
“It’s admirable that he works overtime until this hour.”2586d669e5e37b2a
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“Yeah… let’s drop it.”772a97b0c7654c73
I sighed shortly and turned 751caeaca7 around. It felt like they had b4b2531558 some kind of bond that aaff16f0f3 I didn’t like. Anyway, the entertainment bbbb4df825 industry is all bb0cda2d8e beyond common sense.1da271fc2ce26d7a
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I was about halfway down the stairs when Changyoung, who hadn’t gone inside, asked,c7e3fad264fc80c3
“Hey. I heard you had a 4f4530f76b girlfriend?”d827dfbb31479a7f
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“What…?”8e86402982af32d4
I turned around, frowning slightly.58a336f8e3063e71
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It seemed Inha 91702e36e6 had already told b815e5522b him. He really doesn’t keep 0dedcd250e any secrets from that 254aac324d guy. He didn’t even tell me 2db5a6307a that the director liked him.e233a8d1dc276ae6
“Why do you confuse people by pretending to have a girlfriend when you don’t?”1182000eb46a6dd6
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“Who did I confuse?”723d6f1b44e881b5
“…….”8235c8abde4c3dd8
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“And let’s be clear. I pretended to have one 26767fb947 so I wouldn’t confuse anyone.”e4eee6a5f6641554
Honestly, I didn’t care if the entire school, except for Inha, misunderstood. That way, I wouldn’t have any bothersome incidents at school until graduation.b82d58ea375292c5
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But as soon as I 70603055e7 finished speaking, Changyoung glared at 015c22d258 me.5d96d1c6ae321a38
“Is it fun living like that?”1cd73c42bc123200
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“Why would I do that for fun? I do it b8c2a7c0e3 even if it’s 385543a255 not fun.”d8f447a4085263b8
“You crazy bastard.”beae5039b283c4be
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“Put some clothes on. Your nipples are showing.”1da7ed7e946c7cc7
“Fuck, don’t look.”b0600160a7c00d59
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“Who was the one showing them?”14604329f9e8f210
We parted without e201a7ec71 even saying goodbye, b7ded3a6e1 looking at each 5015ef0639 other with disdain.05c31489c9a33dd7
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🌌28579f040c74d358
“What time did you get home yesterday…? I don’t remember.”450fb8e4dd642b4d
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I ran into e50eb2a146 Inha again at 9c6c42cd52 school the next 6a93e82cfc day.f6988878d67b1f57
At my question about when 97de51fb84 he got back yesterday, Inha f00fd08cfd scratched his head and answered 872ca3e14b with a blank look. I waited for Inha’s reply b5e306f948 until 1 a.m. yesterday and then fell asleep. So that meant he b91e6db8aa came home after at 0dbaccd324 least 1 a.m.a12bb869a9003622
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“Didn’t you see my message?”2a997bcdb5d5fc81
“I saw it when I got back to the dorm.”99eff241f3490482
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“What were you doing that you couldn’t even look at your phone?”589bfae0ae20f8e5
“Just… I was at the recording studio. The recording ended late.”1162586f28a755be
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“You were singing that late at night?”882856c28eae1f99
Inha yawned and shook his cd1757d06c head. His thin cheeks 35495eaceb and eyelids were 8f88b69b92 more swollen than 3b79fa0490 usual. Inha tends to 226764cb37 swell up like 7a6f4fad27 this when he af3cd4cd06 doesn’t get enough e2a3c58c1d sleep.8882d81bd3011ac9
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“No, not me, another singer’s recording….”fe9cd4d2c6de9859
“Why were you there for another singer’s recording?”065acf7a3a16aa1c
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“The director took me on purpose. It’s good to see 15b5591df7 those kinds of things.”75f0e793352c43fd
So he wasn’t singing 547f021459 his own song, he 401aa49021 wasn’t even singing himself, 0c522426b3 he went there to a98eba63e8 observe someone else and c1ee3bce68 sat there for hours. That director guy, a19da7d251 taking a kid 8ece420ec5 who just got 9ebf768388 discharged from the bc5d74ee37 hospital….4d1ef2cda591292a
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There were so 300e88de01 many things I a6f12d7cfc wanted to nitpick, 102e38db17 but I held 49132494c9 back for now.a37b476b9442c615
“Just get some sleep.”ccf971ff9811883d
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At my words, 2c1d620c23 Inha yawned, covering f75d40503e his mouth.75d6f20048709af6
“Yeah, I’ve been sleeping all morning, but I’m so sleepy.”ee3eb3744b16ddfa
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“Wait here. I’ll get you something c2ce4538cf from the store.”2fa0d8c79ea1d155
Inha nodded and lay down 0c07ddb468 on his desk again. He rested his forehead 20199dcf1e on his arms and 16798853d2 quickly lost consciousness. His slightly parted lips glistened 09ccf27636 as if coated in sesame 6ebdfab2f7 oil.bdf75a5c5b878607
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Hey, idiot. You’re drooling in your sleep.9cd21316ff104fd5
I pulled out the hood ad5e7e386d of Inha’s hoodie and put bda90dd6ec it over his head. His head was 0d416a2147 so small that 9f7aee3b02 it easily disappeared 943bfa09cd inside the hood. After hiding Inha like d472d09265 that, I ran to 5645f9d286 the store and bought bf2bb8aa04 various things he could bf1f50d824 eat.399502114fd7af2b
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When I returned to the cae42cdb83 classroom, he had already uncovered 4b551464d5 his face.859e4fd424b13121
“What. Did someone touch Inha?”7a26c97e4dd28a1d
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“He took it off himself. Said it was stuffy.”b7a45852734edc14
The guy sitting in the 0945c6f94e front row turned around and a973454adb answered. I lightly shook Inha’s a51d332631 shoulder to wake him c8b280c469 up.c42ea57a2e33bc37
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“Inha. Wake up. Eat and then sleep.”cbf972f73001476b
“Mmm….”3beb12380e35bc3c
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I whispered in Inha’s ear,fc410b11801f2c3c
“Stop drooling….”737bff87360be7a2
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“Hmm?”be888bb9eb1fe41d
I poked his plump lips 398321fd88 with my thumb, and Inha 6d3c10864c opened his eyes wide. He immediately wiped his lips 70f0aaa383 with his sleeve as soon 0d85189dae as he woke up. He seemed worried about 44c27a228e having drooled.aaa5bab72a5b17f6
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I was looking 4a27538d66 at the finger 6b42fa0d20 I had used ee2369716b to poke his 815cd5ab0e lips. I clearly thought 140a136a46 he was drooling 04636e1d35 like an idiot, fce6b394fb but there was 5040df4621 nothing on my fba5484348 finger. If anything, there 10e29f2fd8 was only a fba187278b faint oiliness. Probably traces of lip 8f807b8dec balm he habitually applied 7b43195c1b after washing his face ea6db2c933 early in the morning.9770d4bd2b595c4e
I turned my head and carefully examined Inha’s lips again. Why were they so shiny?665bad7f6e95f4cc
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“Wow… my favorite flavor.”ab1336fad997fc68
Inha tore open 09dc11ca3b the triangle kimbap 036f38d0c3 absentmindedly. Unable to bear 481af9746a watching him fumble 3fdd970bb4 with his sleepy 5b965c153d hands, I took 844514706e it and opened 5592405787 it for him. As he ate, 3500c0b13b he seemed to a968cca39b be waking up, 42f7360d6a his drowsy eyes a058df4f4a gradually regaining focus.96c551053ad5b347
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As the smell e21d904907 of food spread 71f2c0e5eb through the classroom, b151a7de9f I opened the 262f466f95 windows wide. The early autumn sunlight 8c8a6251f7 touched my bare skin. A cool breeze blew in, dad029c477 ruffling Inha’s hair.c012f1ca92da39ab
“Girls often wear stuff on their lips.”1123e0dcd695cbfd
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“Huh?”b777fd1c3dc75cd1
Inha, chewing on 0d7321fda6 the kimbap, glanced c9c402f3e8 at me sideways. He seemed to be 73ad0d3966 wondering what I was d1761eab2e talking about.6d20d8b29a811602
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“If you kiss, you have to eat that too, right?”d99af42d83010102
“Mm….”b609de0d5dff5e36
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“Would that be good? Wouldn’t it taste weird…. Do you have fbcd6b2e8e to hold back 33595e4367 and eat it c9aa35029e all once you 4d10c352b5 start?”03c3a94ccc09494f
“…….”8de05c0220d9d5c3
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“Haven’t you ever thought about that?”75dffd30085e719c
“N, not really….”79440acb97176105
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“Ah, you wouldn’t have.”3ec7cc44d18a13da
Since Inha would 8b200c7055 want to kiss b31ead6f0a a guy, he 2a07c4ee0f wouldn’t have to 242684cf94 think about eating 39bc3877d0 tint or lipstick edd05a3f79 while imagining his 66eb3ee00a first kiss.078a5e717c216c3c
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I glanced over and c048aacbf9 saw a grain of f7b8885b0c rice stuck to Inha’s 06c90cd4a8 hoodie. Such a mess….ea90d8f927a27a0c
I brushed it off with c3f8a61245 my hand and said,d9deccc99ee8dde7
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“Your lips are really pretty. Even without anything on them.”ffee1bcc53bde0b5
“Huh?”9ff4acebdac81e75
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“I won’t have to worry about eating lipstick when I kiss you.”6971e1c9e68e26d9
“…Uh, uh… I guess so.”a71100a6060544c0
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I showed him 0a16498b13 the grain of 50416162bc rice I had 3cb2097c5a removed, and Inha 65a049711d ate it with f3a1918d41 a bewildered look. His lips, which a4e6724081 briefly touched my ba183f8969 fingertip, were as bc323e2f9e soft as they d88a4c2e6c looked.e4b15661903c0f79
I then covered his 9476aaa161 eyes with my palm. Only his lips dd08450912 and small chin c94047ed52 remained in my 45fc477173 view. If I erased the 0bfd0b8b2c awareness that this was 7f76fed58f a ‘guy’ and ‘Inha’ 19026d3d07 in front of me, f58c697d2b I thought, as expected, 50f8e8edf7 they were truly admirable, eb60b4ed9c beautiful lips.5dc39c3dcfaf1342
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“Why are you suddenly talking about lips?”46121f404344c8f0
“Huh? I’m complimenting you, saying 10d698cc81 you have objectively pretty 6bb19d7248 lips.”3e63c9e0e8befd1d
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“Why are you complimenting me?”3c77cb1e73e4df89
“So you don’t like compliments?”eb79a7de9ca263a2
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“…I’m speechless.”9039f212bcddca6b
He put down the triangle 9ccd9c72a5 kimbap with a complicated look. When I asked, “Aren’t 46bdd52662 you going to eat 8aef62180c it?” he picked it 21176487ec up again. He looked like 2be94d6147 he didn’t even 51fe788e6e know what he 8ecbf308c0 wanted to do.04e604d94f7b7772
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Inha ate the kimbap 214ecc60a1 at a noticeably slower 89c5830b65 pace than before. After swallowing the 6de90a7bda last bite, he e61ab64ac7 drank half a aa7aba8193 bottle of water. Only then did he ddf971fcce rub his chest as db9e3a28a2 if something had finally f1c3031465 gone down.5c7bb63009442b80
“Hey… why do you keep flattering me?”32799b2990eadc70
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“I’m not flattering you, I’m just stating facts.”ede82b7672d48f90
“Stop it. I’m losing my sense of 21630126b9 reality.”e13d9cc39fad751a
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“Inha, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but do you lack confidence in your looks?”18b5de805dccdb74
If so, that 5bfc7effe1 would be truly 17f0605ad9 absurd. Inha’s face, with 188572bd1b its delicate features, a8372b4a1a which stood out 19a5c4d803 since childhood, became 932bd8e130 even more striking 08b64aa8cc as he got 288c6f1763 older. As his bone structure 7b83b2fe11 matured, the pretty aspects 17b123c3df nestled within his masculine 60dc32a343 lines captured attention. There are many handsome 39c609e472 and beautiful people in e9be267c85 the world, but a 3c6bb35d99 face as charming as ec0541b433 Inha’s is truly rare. If I were f071ce49cf to properly compliment cfd1c9560b Inha’s face, I 30cf2ec045 could divide it 0407a4ce74 into 50 parts 57cc077e1b above his neck e215b97a92 and compliment each fc6ab0232f one.c0387e3f39428717
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“Listening to you, I keep getting the wrong idea. That I’m… not that bad….”9d1683c25f9bc1ef
“That’s why your perspective is wrong.”1d0ab7f00db7443c
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Not that bad (X)921e0f8848420f70
No one is c53baa3d8b better than me bd3db827c0 (O)fd1ffb7b24a546b0
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In that case, 28e4fe974a the latter should c289221ab2 apply to Inha. Just how much did 21e04c7d58 that damned agency damage cfd16c5115 his self-esteem? After his long time as 8cbb3923c4 a trainee, it seems Inha b9f0d751b9 has developed a completely distorted 9154a6ac39 view of his appearance.46be02613ce2b3c6
Lost in worry, Inha moistened 4259b6b951 his lips cautiously and muttered,152bc3a295af3118
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“I mean, I might get the wrong idea… that there’s hope.”f9eaa9d0e31b973a
“Aren’t you an idiot? That’s what I’ve been cfd9af45c9 saying from the beginning.”635f7e7c72673a7b
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“What?”c8bd7c44ada384d7
Inha cautiously raised his head.7c51e3d7e5346661
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“Do you think I told you to confess for no reason? It wasn’t just empty words when I said I hoped it would work out.”b94268cb527c07fd
“…….”0c6a09f21a0b2737
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“You don’t know how special you are. No matter how much d638ccd2db someone hates men, if 4e5a1851a8 it’s you, they’ll definitely a1a8fc5f79 be tempted at least 3ffc07c520 once.”4db6e7bd5d98527b
“H, how can you guarantee that?”ce00bf518cd8cf60
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“Well, I…”30835f8a7837ca67
“…….”7e12698cc85cad05
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“I am too.”85c851f625abecbf
I was rummaging through the leftover food on the desk, wondering what to eat, and when I looked up, I made eye contact with Inha. Inha’s face was pale as if he had heard something he shouldn’t have.15ca400aedc67a8e
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“Ah, sorry. That’s creepy, right?”b7d271ac925ab000
I laughed awkwardly, and bbc2e6115e Inha slowly covered his 818cec6efb mouth.1aee10dd61a6f163
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…Is he going to throw up just from imagining it?909c925100f50f1b
“Ugh….”a07bf8dcd28eb278
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Then he shivered and cae14ab719 slowly rubbed his arms 39365ac4f3 with his palms as 31b0b2b4e8 if he had goosebumps. Yes, it’s probably creepy enough 12213a86ac to give him goosebumps.eb0e7c1dabebcdbd
“Don’t be so disgusted. I was just speaking figuratively.”f75d10f3ca55813a
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Grumbling, I picked up a convenience store hamburger. It had cooled down appropriately after being heated in the school store’s microwave. I split it in half inside the bag, took one half, and handed the other to Inha.43a649908450aa79
“You eat half.”43bf16a3e3658890
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“It’s okay, you eat it all.”68b93a2a038a4c8e
“I bought it because it’s your favorite.”fbdfaf17a088c090
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“…….”598b019d379353c4
At my words, Inha 78e4c6efdc silently took the other ec98cf84bf half with his head b18176a88e down. He held it 1619c38fe4 in his hand 5f7f190f8b but didn’t seem 95af4117e0 to want to 07361583c5 eat it, muttering dbc8ce454f weakly,f2620b6a7d27ff4c
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“Why are you doing this?”7aba77dced533c4b
“Huh? Doing what?”bf08551004d8b094
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“You’re popular, so why are you trying to seduce me when there are plenty of people who like you…?”a014cb08b0ddc74d
I burst out laughing 7db8eeef8e in disbelief.5a7cee710809e8c3
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“Does it seem like I’m seducing you?”ce36ae31235350d9
“I don’t know.”478e874074b7dc16
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Inha answered curtly and 221cb6d742 took a big bite d95aab39e2 of the hamburger. He opened his mouth wide e5e1ed3d7a enough to wrinkle his nose, c7d37118c0 but not much actually went 0a554f2fd6 in.c3e65927f3cbf4f6
“Calling someone pretty when they’re not is seducing. You’re pretty, so saying you’re pretty is stating a fact, how is that seducing? I wasn’t exaggerating at all.”50759a87be0ece4e
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“…….”857db031f8f58ae9
“And do you think I do this to everyone? Anyone would think I’m flirting 1ce6035c13 with everyone.”87fb0b68f023476d
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“That’s true too. You flirt a lot.”259ce6372dc1d0c1
“Do I?”e477b19ddf9e3d2c
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“Yes.”ea32fa16905cef88
“That’s… really unfair.”ece6570733c15a0e
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Inha must not 41a764554a know how thoroughly 60ec06aaa7 I draw the b726d90ac0 line with others.a23a361c0cc63579
Inha, who had been 1ee7bb35d5 meaninglessly rubbing the desk, 63d14e5f44 asked,afebe59e5cca7de3
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“Are you going to date when you go to college?”85b9b3887bb5535c
“Well….”f465ef707cee67d6
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I chewed on the 2a006ebd72 hamburger and stared blankly 6e221ce6dc into space.5c622ba6aa8b91df
“It would be nice. There’s no reason to force a95b3884d5 it, but…”8fcc8affcd9a7430
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“…….”3e88f3d38e346a69
“Actually, I don’t have a strong desire, but there’s a time for everything, right? When others are doing it, 259bb0b314 I should probably…”de7edf615b6efe45
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As I answered vaguely, 4caf85cbd3 I glanced at him, 6b2b99a055 and Inha was folding 4de416e548 the empty hamburger wrapper 4a3508834c into 1/16th of its 450d6c8f3b size. I took the ab6ca9338d wrapper from his efd141db9a fidgeting hands and 27e77d65c8 tossed it into d590ebecd3 the trash can f5af13057a in one shot.7e85a421d4f90513
By the way, 57e4a8fa7b this is the db712eb74e first time Inha c5d0f62c8a has asked something 15a0bcd384 like this. Is he sulking 5627b164b9 because I always ed250b3c3c pry into his e70057ae73 business? Cute.3f6cffcd0cda07e7
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“Don’t worry. I’ll tell you first af8ff0fe33 when I like someone.”7d397bfb4623222b
I leaned in and whispered in Inha’s ear,eb03748027dd755a
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‘The first kiss and all that too.’b7d19e98ef2968ed
He flinched and 9410323ad8 pushed my shoulder.7494db2ed8cf4729
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“I don’t need to know.”b36e3616d9596fa6
“Who else am I supposed to tell? Let’s share.”ba9a3097a61e51dd
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“No, I don’t really want to hear it.”698e6d9347e82303
“Why? Give me some attention.”a4fba5652c2bd9e0
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As if he got daaf0fa41f goosebumps again from imagining c582317778 his best friend kissing 9153a8d296 someone, Inha rubbed his eeb3e9ef88 arms in a withdrawn 383b17584f posture. His disgusted expression was so 976fd9d2a9 funny that I ruffled his 02790a877a hair.ad3048b43cb66420
“Hey, stop it.”c035800f04f55d18
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When I stood up to 8bfd7b41cd clean up the trash, Inha c5f70e5897 awkwardly tried to stand up 06217d9a78 with me. I pushed his shoulders down, eda38e4aaa forcing him to sit, and ef663b975f neatly organized the desk. I stuffed the e083f913ef remaining unopened chocolates f0317ad564 and jellies into a986560ab6 Inha’s pockets.be8c0ed244056bef
“Eat these later.”d82af8935941bd9a
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“No. I’ll get in trouble 802f60ff79 if they catch me b07d3e54a5 at the company.”191d9817a03c2a33
“That’s why you should eat them before you go.”cbe7a3b75ef3e8cc
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Inha reluctantly fumbled with his 0ca17f3cf4 pockets but didn’t take the 87797bcf43 snacks out.97cbfff588011608
Before going back b999c7e379 to my classroom, 0adf95605a I pushed back b23873bd42 my chair and 3c33da4e15 stood up, saying 1e9cc4b920 to Inha,cef531b077d232d9
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“Wait for me after school. Let’s go together.”ba10c815f03fce5c
“You’re coming again today?”6939703cdee45f7b
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“Yeah. To study at your dorm. Is that okay?”58c91c68f41f0914
Inha looked up c227c61bf5 at me and 48663ab8d9 nodded once. The bell rang 767f953f1d just as I 1ff258daad got his permission. Instead of saying goodbye, I 3147df8a5d squeezed and shook his thin 6ea166a5e3 shoulders and returned to my b6897acdd6 classroom.4b07b2715a549337
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🌌69c743dc642e5df6
While Inha was resting 2fc048e807 from practice due to 87607c14ec his knee, I went a664a5bd94 to his dorm every c84af453fb day.421fbb6ff92d57c8
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In the empty dorm, where everyone except Inha was at the practice room, the two of us would study together, heads bent over a small table. Unlike me, who was fully focused, Inha would often stare blankly at his book or doze off on the desk. But I never pushed him. Because I knew that solving a few workbooks wouldn’t drastically improve his results with the CSAT just around the corner.868e83c660fa54d9
Still, I wanted to somehow f99e9c59d8 pull Inha along. If possible, down the same 5ed9741679 path as me.1783ef0b994a2aa7
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“Oh, Inha’s friend is here again.”13a1cb476d2aac2c
“How’s studying going?”9c6481637f3e989e
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Then, as the 78e8106224 night deepened, the 0054542416 trainees would pour e2426c8f1e into the dorm. The guys, clearly fd82b3021e showing signs of 83948006f6 having sweated, would 202bc62f4c often change clothes 683c314ea9 or take a 25e10187ad quick shower and db9a379985 then rush back fa0f45f361 to the company.c9fb75f1970fc89c
With the debut 294da66618 team tests in 071d4bd281 full swing, Inha 0adf9a6dff wore an indescribable eee5121b38 expression as he 804a7dfb2b greeted and saw 4cc71269a4 off the others 236b8ebde9 who were dedicated ebb46672db to practice without 2d43769815 him. I clearly saw the 7297cab841 deep anxiety hidden beneath 5830d9110a his indifferent facade.50fb644b2e735582
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Inha had gone 1538e584d3 through a difficult 1f9ed7bc78 time in the 9fbe6ee07f past five years, 5da8fa36a9 enough to darken f7fb6744ed his cheerful personality. It would be 5fc23b2afd too cruel if de8b035d97 the result was 44772688e0 being eliminated from a839d1e1eb the debut team ed6c6b35c8 with a damaged 52eb80d54b knee.0c8eb38091081271
At times like 539c309703 this, I felt 744070d948 that the CSAT 76274b9525 was more comforting. It had a 604d25345b clear end, and 9df7edc76b even if you 291dc2d211 failed, you could 9fc6a8da83 try again.0e9c0854ea104f2f
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Unlike me, whose future, although with a smaller chance of change, was in my own hands, Inha’s future was in the hands of others. How precarious a life is when you hand over your rights to others. While he should be showcasing himself through painstaking effort, he literally had his bones chipped away and could only wait for their decision.2aacabf913687018
Although we were 580f2d0738 facing a crossroads 73e20aed79 that could change c4d0df222e our lives entirely, a6715e83b8 there was nothing 43b751fcf0 else we could 98874ba9bf do. We just silently cdfe9d709e continued what we 38afc313d1 had done yesterday, 6b17c2e25b today.f5990b0f14178f91
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Late at night, Inha, fdeab6cc43 who had been silently 547f46ebe8 looking at his phone, 108033030d cautiously gathered his outerwear.f465d74978c526bc
“The company again?”799ae30c0734042e
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I asked with a sigh, 9f0b57a663 and Inha nodded.8ea4daf99373a658
As I visited Inha’s dorm more often, I also realized how much time he was wasting on unnecessary things. I thought he would be able to rest at least while his knee recovered, but the company used him thoroughly without guaranteeing him anything.c20566b6d4a78b94
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Among them, what 0214ca99e0 I thought was df264688df the most useless a4bc01d2cc was watching the 1a41625b92 younger trainees practice. The company would mobilize d9cfca2c1b veteran trainees like Inha bdcf253c25 to manage newly recruited c320822d84 trainees. Inha had to waste his f22cacdd44 precious time managing clueless boys 5d850b3738 who didn’t even know if 0e33733b05 they would debut or not.3e9ecc5f375724a5
I had expressed my dissatisfaction to Inha, who obediently followed the company’s instructions, but I couldn’t change the situation.54781b20017349d1
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“I’ll be back.”9ca298a7ed30742d
Inha forced a dfa03d7083 smile and left 418e195d75 the dorm.e272e3e39bd5d00f
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“Ha….”66ac2f37001482ae
What could be 0722ef8129 so frustrating that bd9a99fab8 he, who tries e4e558fc8a not to show b9ce7d2597 stress in front fcc9688fc6 of me, is caf988115a so internally tormented?8d52b27ec251a98d
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Once Inha goes to the 7a40e2944a company, there’s no telling when 5a4757c9fa he’ll be back.3d6fc986535e650f
I was debating whether to ffe637f773 just leave today without waiting d1066c849c when I heard the dorm 60bb2d3d21 door unlock.a2790e9e0ba94f30
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“Oh? You’re still here? Where’s Inha?”e14e6af3fa3a4c91
“He just went to the company. You must have missed him.”8685442733341c8a
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“Oh.”7046bf82517325ca
I watched Changyoung enter the ec4ce260a6 dorm, and suddenly, out of f0610edf90 curiosity, I asked,9fe2c7fd091be16e
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“When is your debut team finally being decided?”4f28360f793ae1ca
“…Ah, the debut team…”91ee40d098e4ad6f
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He trailed off strangely. I was thinking that 6ec7eed35a his gaze was wandering 24b414579b oddly in the air 9e562f2eec when he said,30c12a13c351d0c3
“Can you come out for a second?”6f2a99d3da894d17
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Although we shared 065b3faca5 Inha as a 365bf739ca mutual friend, he b1f310b236 and I were 30e9758b50 awkward enough that 61e289703c we could count 4134e1f254 the times we’d 31fd63a3a7 talked one-on-one on 73280aeeb9 one hand. I followed him out, c0fb707bc6 wondering why he was e917953163 asking me to talk.15b34b8c0796607d
He was waiting outside the 8bdc15a1b3 entrance, and when he heard 380fcf9571 me follow him out, he 4e5084eae6 shuffled his slippers and headed ba8fb7852e somewhere. He walked ahead e1cea5a588 in silence, leading 4f8cff422a me to the bb8d75ce69 nearby convenience store 9e9761c942 that Inha and f7f6eca757 I often visited.b4b12d518b2dd3a9
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“Pick anything, I’ll buy it for you.”c96097d2c5ac1cd5
“No thanks. I’m not taking your money. I’ll buy my own.”44364c12927268ba
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“You’re so unpleasant….”7bbdf48f1826cbad
Grumbling, Changyoung finished paying 0d60955609 and headed to the d501e8a1d4 convenience store’s outdoor tables. I also paid for d6630d63a5 my drink and followed c9691232ee him out.72d9881f783194c2
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“Doesn’t Inha say anything to you?”7e670a98947e50d4
“No.”ab65c32f4a1db68c
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Changyoung’s expression looked troubled.4081c3114ca287cc
“Four members of our debut team are already confirmed. But we don’t know e423e7046e how many more they’ll 6a7a53dbe0 choose, or if we’ll 470c5a102b just be a four-member 7024f564b5 group.”c8a54d4043a16218
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“Is Inha confirmed?”d6e4d9cb495061b5
“…No.”399e1991af5aba59
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He didn’t explain much, 3440ffd859 but with that one 05d8cbaa35 word, I could guess 8af281e6f4 the anxiety Inha must 733bfefdf6 have been feeling.2ad88d0b939c0cc1
“Are you confirmed?”f80e4e58ec6336d2
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“Yes.”1589990b2e514363
“Does Inha know?”c2814885b3f45366
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“Of course he knows. How could he not?”7565bda822426f0c
Changyoung said irritably, crushing the 3cb8159240 can in his hand.b39c30715512d8bf
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“He told me not to tell you.”a362eeacbbdeed18
“…Why?”d74fc7bee05ec3c5
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“He said you’d be worried since the CSAT is so close.”7e91cd79390a54be
“…….”148e623deca934b9
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“He doesn’t want you to worry. He’s too kind, he said you’d be upset because of him.”642414d28e44e71f
He scoffed and f81dc615bd turned sharply, throwing 9c4a98056f the trash far 83dd10e97d away. The loud clang dffc81edf9 of the can ed854cd001 hitting the trash 6c570c68ce can sounded like ac240441c9 he was venting baab3a9fa0 his anger.c3f616dbccf43dad
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“Why are you telling me when Inha told you not to?”64ade805b9044c40
“Because not all the choices he makes are right.”da253150871ba555
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“…….”d6956fa523c8dc01
“Myung Inha makes terrible choices.”b02a0374121715ce
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I agreed with that. In his second year 6d1e826f58 of middle school, Inha cf3503fcba should have continued with afd8b14098 sports instead of joining e97ae22287 an entertainment agency. I still regret cfe274a3bc not being there 5d9de83389 to stop him 81bc3695f3 at that time.8aa2da2275fcb4ad
“He chose the wrong person to like, to begin with.”7a440725cbaf9fd1
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“Lim Junghyun?”f762c866b1825d8e
Changyoung scoffed at me as if I knew nothing. I had a bad feeling that I couldn’t put my finger on.1c4fc391a5344a44
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There must be c69ce56dcc something deeper going 83f0942902 on that I 21585a5a9e don’t know….d67d3bf5e3559bab
“So when will the final debut team be announced?”fea331e8f14ee557
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“I don’t know… how would I know. This is the third time 83d046228a we’ve prepared as if we’re c76bc4c16b about to debut, only for 6a513d2157 it to be cancelled. I didn’t know 07ce2307fc I’d be debuting eb40217d8a as the oldest 3b7ffdc294 at twenty.”2a6270bdbd02c0de
“…….”a7e0cf5758fbf251
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“I’m telling you because you seem to know nothing.”5f87a9649f305fd4
“…….”23f159d84e23d1c8
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“Don’t upset him by asking when he’s debuting.”ec104b05c86d1b77
“…Okay.”2db71f5949bc366e
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“Anyway, I’m going.”0b92cb18ca74d330
“Where?”c38dedbceec39beb
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“To practice, at the company.”dc51810ba16b3401
After that short conversation, 0b04d7b5f4 Changyoung left for the 8f35958aee company again.512f917a9ebf7285
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I remained seated 7c3090487f in front of 7355f7de23 the convenience store abff3e1e99 for a while 3f481198c0 after he left. My chest felt heavy 193fc51420 because Inha was swallowing 30f7e71d7b his worries, considering me 5a4db6d854 with the CSAT approaching.0c0aa715422b41e9
He’s such an idiot, he’s the one who’s suffering the most.5fd8f4fa7d464d6f
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Instead of going 45d79fe9b5 home, I grabbed b9dc34e766 my bag and 224f070d9d headed to Inha’s 7aad512a95 company. I tried calling ca7fb5cf87 Inha on the e5a59bd447 way, but he d450f04781 didn’t answer.c0e76a44a7ebaf37
「I’m on my way to your company」6b7f51ee166239e8
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「Can you come out for a second?」0eb75cf3ef66e697
「I miss you」dae3da8976daed74
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After sending that message, e8a8a810a1 I started walking to 8449c110d4 Inha’s company.63c370e5244ac2a4
The main streets of 0c0595bf94 Cheongdam-dong have very different 95056f88ba impressions during the day bc15d46580 and night. On my way dbbd2a49ee to the company, a6083f7979 the streets were edebf7cf75 lined with cars c8955af9c7 with their hazard 6600e1b03d lights flashing. Valet parking attendants 21db489c7c busily ran between 1d5b976403 the long line 3e313b48e9 of cars, and 084b1c4bd4 sharply dressed men d2edcf2f59 stepped out of 187beaf8fe the newly arrived 89f04b417c cars.35456aae61022233
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I had long 5a406f1edf wondered where all 37583ea838 these cars were 3efa17bacc going. The procession of cars appearing ec24221016 only late at night, not 3309fa3682 during the busy rush hour. What were these cars, 64ff2fb126 lined up long enough 40a3f4fa04 to occupy an entire cf244ded1d lane, doing here?26c642adbba6ca31
And I got 818d961257 the answer from 6a951b1fbd Inha.1cc5ed6e582791e4
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“There are bars nearby. They’re probably going there.”b9634a1e8d18d86b
“What kind of bars?”bbd53ab21b4a083c
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“Adult entertainment establishments. Karaoke, ten-pro… that kind f2ecd0582a of thing.”833a7a2ef8e318cf
“How did you know those places were like that?”87f1504380151b35
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“I see them every day, so…”100604482f03e51e
Inha answered casually then, but d42940b95e he seemed reluctant to explain 903ab985ba further.c773ff9b5420ff88
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As he said, d5dc44fb46 there were a 16530f49c2 lot of adult 2c8ba3c63a entertainment establishments in dcd1790c9a this area that c808cede3a didn’t show up d7242b41e2 properly in searches. It bothered me that 9e0c28ce25 such places were hidden 10529f876c along the path Inha bcb4b55174 took every day.4676166fc4801df9
It was a world f1c6f756f0 far removed from us, 339964e18d but the executives of d09f59b7c4 Inha’s company would also ffe60b1106 be frequenting those places, 30c66fb0cd using investments and entertainment 0d0ec8ed74 as excuses.110a185efb3db277
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That’s probably why Inha 83521b8956 knew about it.cede9c34a282e51e
I soon arrived near ff736eeed5 Inha’s company. The parking lot behind 0dccc55fb8 the building was almost eee359b54c empty, and only a 8a4707e673 single, shiny black Porsche 91b896643c was parked there.107949be7b446be3
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“…….”01e4974a45ac86df
I picked up my phone bdb4273e7f again and checked for Inha’s f1c7f478e4 reply. But the message I 7c58d8567e sent to Inha had 514169965f only been read, with 7af46254a2 no response.6d4dc11656428323
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I want to 510fc32adb see his face aad03c27ae before I go.588bfe07810597ea
I was thinking eec0510df7 that and about 076b9fbdb6 to call him ec3c15e9f1 again when I 39faafe5b0 coincidentally heard a 4c0d6517bf ringtone nearby.dbc8cb91e74190ef
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“……?”ceaa2a6705aeff86
I quickly looked up. This wasn’t a hallucination. As soon as I called 47a914853d Inha, a faint ringtone clearly eae6681310 rang somewhere around here.873e86230b376a38
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I looked around 25fed48874 the parking lot, 39c27f47a4 but there was d121a5490c still no one c5b7617f25 there except for 7dfbdb8d51 the black Porsche.483a6ed934985203
―The number you have dialed is not available. Please leave a message after fa0c92f7f2 the….802e32790e8ad51e
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As the beep sounded 5f8f85d109 and I hung up, e67994caab the ringtone also disappeared.984d3bab9fe1d81b
“This is strange….”14ba7412cf4a9075
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Wrapped in a a39cd58f1b strange feeling, I f51a908a0a stood there for 5397ff11ca a moment, then a2a431b712 called again. This time, the call ended bf0556b72a before the ringtone could even 6fe003a37d ring three times. The faint ringtone that f61dc37804 had briefly rung also 22a4fc5793 disappeared at the same 8daf2078a8 time.4bdc6311d54a0199
I was standing 0663e7f17d there dumbfounded, wondering e7a53b2392 what was going 2bf19e5e68 on, when suddenly d8f5f08957 the black Porsche f0f813fc9b in front of 9492440e6b me started its 7775dafc0f engine, and the 23efd20188 headlights shone brightly 1ab050f9a1 in my eyes.e13249cebda517eb
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“Ugh.”6b2f5fd9600c7ea0
As I frowned, the 30ae99755f car door suddenly opened.eb088640cdc49ba8
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“Then I’ll be going, Director.”137a3907d92c155f
“…Inha?”d0550c13a8810eef
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It was none 9948b0cd88 other than Inha 25a2f675b0 who was getting bb7c9b07e4 out of the 15b82fa3e3 car. My hand, which 86243d6f48 had been shielding ae06efedbd my eyes, slowly 79b30d5b93 lowered. Inha bowed his head towards f8632c6d93 the inside of the car f21af23218 and then walked towards me.04de0b869a27035d
“Jihee!”36e816e3aefc299e
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“Were you in that car?”dc9c080d2bc0f250
“Yeah. I was talking 29803ce363 to the director….”c844ee2ed358e2a9
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“No, when I called you, I heard a ringtone somewhere around here. It was yours. I thought I was hearing 98e08afefb things.”6a52e9b7d1434201
“Sorry. It’s a little awkward to 0aba467a10 answer the phone in front 4e12cb560f of the director.”6225b88cd7977dcf
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Just then, the Porsche started rolling forward with a loud engine noise. As Inha and I stood side by side, watching the moving car, it stopped in front of us, and the window rolled down halfway. I was surprised that the “director’s” face, revealed from inside the car, was younger than I expected.5f94676620d23445
“Inha, get home safe.”a09f723c3a18d2ca
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He was wearing a 829e55eae5 suit, but his slangy 72a601d542 tone couldn’t hide his 916872ba0a gangster-like vibe. He flicked a c4492cbd96 cigarette butt out e62b26a0ed the window and b51cee09ef then drove out bc4b252801 of the parking 111c3cf99d lot.e7b054cd8e09b7a0
“Drive safely!”8e88be5de7fafc6d
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Inha bowed his 876bb29352 head to the 314c064f05 departing car.949c40822c070b29
I suddenly sniffed Inha’s head.f9ee18e9bc6a8a4e
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