DALI Ch 3

Between friends, could love suddenly blossom? This is difficult….

“Anyway, I’m going.”

The guy who turned around and was pressing the passcode to the dorm building suddenly turned back again.

“And you, don’t misunderstand.”

“Misunderstand what?”

“It’s not like I realized [I like you] because I wanted to kiss you. Kissing, or whatever.”

“Pfft….”

“Really. I’m fine with remaining celibate my whole life.”

“No way. You’re funny.”

“What do you mean, ‘no way’? It’s good if an idol doesn’t date….”

“Debut first, then talk.”

“That’s what I’m saying. Once I debut, I’ll be the perfect idol for the fans.”

“Haha!”

I burst out laughing at his pathetically muttering tone. My laughter echoed in the quiet, narrow alleyway. Perhaps it seemed like I was mocking him, as Inha, who had already gone inside through the glass door, was glaring at me. He seemed to be contemplating whether to come back out and cover my mouth, hit me, or just let me be. I forced myself to stop laughing and gestured for him to go up quickly.

Only after I saw Inha completely disappear beyond the stairs did I leave the alleyway. His vow to remain celibate his whole life was so funny and cute that I kept laughing on my way home.

🌌

A few days later, after school, I suddenly went to Inha’s company.

There was only one reason for going unannounced at this time: this was the trainees’ dinner time.

Inha’s company had a very strict practice schedule, so they couldn’t leave the company building except at designated times. In other words, this meant that all the trainees at the company, including Inha, would come out at the same time for dinner.

And my prediction was correct. At exactly 7:04, I spotted Inha pouring out of the company building along with the other trainees. I had considered the possibility that they might order delivery and not come out, but thankfully, they did.

“Inha!”

Standing across the street, I called out to him and waved.

“……?”

Inha stared at me with wide eyes. I could almost hear an ‘Uh?’ escaping his open mouth. He seemed quite flustered to see me there without any notice. He hesitated for a moment, then his expression gradually softened, seemingly glad to see me. He turned and said something to his friends, then immediately started running towards me. Meanwhile, I carefully scanned the trainees who came out with him.

There he is. The guy Inha has a crush on.

His long, bleached hair, styled down to his neck, matched the picture. Seeing him in person, he had a more masculine feel than in the photo and a rather edgy impression.

Meanwhile, Inha had run up right in front of me.

“Huff… What are you doing here? Suddenly, without any warning.”

“I thought we could have dinner together. Did I come too suddenly?”

“Uh, you should have contacted… No, it’s okay even if you didn’t.”

Inha’s cheeks were flushed. I lowered my voice and whispered to Inha.

“Inha. That’s him… Right?”

“Huh?”

“Over there, the blonde one. The guy you like.”

At that moment, I saw it. The blood drain from his startled face.

“Huh? Right?”

“Uh, no. That’s not him….”

Inha avoided my gaze and glanced at the trainees gathered at the entrance. He was clearly at a loss.

I leaned in slightly and whispered in Inha’s ear.

“Can you introduce me?”

“Why… Why?”

He looked at me with eyes as wide as saucers, startled. I patted his shoulder reassuringly.

“Just curious. I want to see what kind of guy he is.”

“…….”

“I also wanted to see him up close.”

At this moment, my heart was burning with a passion even I couldn’t understand. Wasn’t this my best friend’s first love and unrequited crush? He was always a bit clumsy and bad at expressing himself, so there was no way he could be cleverly navigating a relationship. So, at least emotionally, I wanted to be on Inha’s side.

Also, I was genuinely curious about what type of person he was.

“Wait a second….”

Inha seemed to hesitate for a moment, then moistened his dry lips and turned away from me.

As he went back to them, some of the trainees who were gathered in small groups stared at Inha as if wondering why he was returning. The more I looked at the faces of the trainees who had been through thick and thin with Inha as part of the same debut team, the more complicated my feelings became. Most of them had strong features and looked like delinquents, quite different from Inha. Especially the blonde guy Inha liked; he was the furthest from his picture.

Standing among them, Inha seemed to be explaining something. Then, some of them glanced at me, and our eyes met. I gave them a light nod.

Just as I was waiting for Inha to bring the blonde guy over to me, something completely unexpected happened.

“We’re going to eat first!”

“Oh, okay. See you later.”

“Don’t be late.”

Instead of coming over to greet me, the trainees waved and went off in a different direction. The object of Inha’s affection also sauntered off down the hill beyond the alley. I looked back and forth between them leaving and Inha in disbelief.

A moment later, Inha, now left alone, trudged back towards me. I looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

“Why didn’t you bring him over? Did he not want to say hello?”

“Um… Well… I tried asking him to eat with us, but I think it’s a bit awkward.”

He mumbled, pressing down on the beanie he was wearing. I didn’t understand, so I asked again.

“Eat? I just asked you to introduce me.”

“That’s right. So….”

Inha avoided my gaze, turning his body in a different direction, and muttered, “Let’s go.” His slumped shoulders suggested there was something I didn’t know.

I followed beside Inha and asked cautiously.

“Inha. Are they ignoring you? Is it difficult to even ask them for small favors?”

“…….”

“Are they still hazing you?”

“…….”

“Wow, those guys are bad.”

“No….”

Inha said no, but didn’t give a proper answer. If he didn’t want to talk, I wasn’t going to pry. I was just worried because he seemed a little down.

We headed to a nearby pasta restaurant. It was an old establishment, but it had a charming interior. It was a place Inha and I had frequented since middle school.

We each ordered our usual dishes, and the owner greeted us warmly.

As we were eating, Inha asked,

“But you coming today….”

“Huh?”

“Was it to see him?”

“Him? Ohh.”

I readily agreed.

“Yeah. I wanted to see what he looked like in person.”

Inha’s chopsticks stopped moving. Seeing that his pickle dish was empty, I ordered more for him.

“What’s his name?”

“Huh?”

“The guy with the bleached hair. The one you like.”

“Junghyun….”

Inha’s voice was very weak. I stared at his unusually listless face.

Was it because I came without warning? That didn’t seem likely, because when he saw me suddenly appear, his expression wasn’t bad. He had seemed happy, running towards me with flushed cheeks. From some unknown point, Inha had become like a shell of himself.

“Inha. Are you perhaps….”

“Huh?”

“Worried I’d interfere?”

“What?”

He looked up at me with a silly, sauce-stained face. I pulled out a tissue, wrapped it around my finger, and leaned in slightly. As I wiped his lips, Inha belatedly licked them.

“Don’t worry. I’m not that clueless.”

“…….”

“I’m not going to make things awkward for you by making it obvious.”

“Oh, I know you wouldn’t.”

Then why was he so pale?

Was it really because of the hazing?

“…….”

He had been eating unusually slowly, and in the end, Inha left half of his food untouched. I told him he should eat more because he had to practice, but he said that if he forced himself to eat when he had indigestion, he would feel nauseous and have trouble practicing. His words, again, made me worry.

On the way back to his company after the meal, we stopped by a nearby pharmacy to buy some digestive medicine.

“Take this if you feel too uncomfortable. You might get indigestion again.”

“It’s okay….”

“Then take it later, if not now.”

“Yeah, okay… Thanks.”

Inha took the digestive medicine and put it in his training pants pocket. Just then, we heard a noisy commotion behind us.

“Oh, it’s Inha and Inha’s friend.”

“What did you guys eat?”

The group that had just poured out of the convenience store was none other than the trainees we had parted with earlier. They each had drinks or small chocolate bars in their hands, presumably for dessert.

As I watched them approach Inha amicably, I took a step back. I was acutely aware of who among them might be bothering Inha, but at first glance, no one seemed to be acting out of line. On the contrary, they seemed quite affectionate, putting their arms around Inha’s shoulders or sharing the ice cream they bought.

Then why had Inha acted that way earlier?

While I was feeling a bit confused by the seemingly inclusive atmosphere, someone started circling around me and nudging Inha.

“Hey, Inha. Doesn’t your friend do entertainment work? He’s super handsome.”

It was none other than Junghyun who spoke. Taking the opportunity, I quietly met his eyes. The way he grinned and talked seemed a bit frivolous, but I could tell he didn’t have any bad intentions.

“You’re Junghyun, right?”

“Huh? How do you know my name?”

“Inha told me.”

Perhaps he had wanted to talk to me from the start, as he turned completely towards me.

“What’s your name…?”

“Jihee.”

“Jihee?”

“Jihee. The ‘hee’ as in ‘student council’.”

“Aha.”

Even during this brief exchange, I carefully observed Junghyun. He seemed more sociable than I thought, and didn’t seem like the type to haze anyone…. Maybe Inha liked this aspect of him because he was so shy.

“Is there something on my face?”

“……?”

“You keep staring.”

“Oh… It’s a habit. Sorry.”

Junghyun’s words made me realize I was staring at him rudely. I couldn’t help it; he looked so different from his picture. His features were delicate, but seeing him in person, there was no way I could mistake him for a girl. It finally hit me that Inha genuinely liked men.

“Um, I have something to talk to my friend about. You guys go ahead….”

Just then, Inha suddenly cut in. He seemed strangely awkward and stiff.

I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but I didn’t stop him and just watched what he did.

“Yeah, see you later.”

“Bye, Inha’s friend.”

“Come hang out again.”

Junghyun and the other trainees readily left first. I was the only one who waved back at them. Inha, forgetting to say goodbye, hung his head dejectedly. He seemed filled with self-loathing.

“Junghyun seems like a nice guy.”

“…….”

“I think I understand why you like him.”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy….”

“He’s much prettier in person.”

At those words, Inha suddenly fumbled in his pocket and pulled out the digestive medicine I had given him. He forcefully opened the cap and gulped it down in one shot.

“…Haah.”

Wiping the medicine from his lips, Inha sighed.

Even I couldn’t help but ask at this point.

“…Did I come at a bad time?”

“Are you interested in Junghyun?”

We spoke almost simultaneously. I stared at him with wide eyes. While our gazes met in midair, I slowly processed the meaning of his words. Meanwhile, Inha, realizing what he had revealed, couldn’t hide the frantic shaking of his pupils.

As I let out a low “Ah…” Inha’s impassive face turned bright red.

“Is that what you were worried about?”

I finally understood the source of Inha’s anxiety.

Come to think of it, he had been extremely uncomfortable ever since I said Junghyun had a “face you could kiss.”

A subtle feeling slowly washed over me. At the same time, I felt confused.

…Myung Inha gets jealous too?

“Wow….”

I covered my mouth and let out a small sigh.

Just recently, he had been needlessly worried that I might become gay, and now he was wary that I might have “that kind of” interest in Junghyun, whom he liked. Once I understood the root of the issue, all the questions about his strange behavior today were resolved.

Maybe the reason the trainees suddenly left when I asked to be introduced was….

“Um… well… I tried asking him to eat with us, but I think it’s a bit awkward.”

A lie. The opposite, actually.

“Inha, be honest with me.”

I asked Inha, whose spirit was already crushed.

“Did you really ask them to eat together earlier?”

“…….”

“Did you tell them to go ahead because you would eat separately?”

“Y-yes.”

Unable to lie, Inha forced out an answer with a tearful face.

So, he was filled with self-loathing because he told a lie he never had to tell. It was clear that he had ignored my request for an introduction because he didn’t want to introduce me to Junghyun.

But Inha’s desperate attempts to lie didn’t make him look bad or pathetic. Rather, his desperation was fascinating. Seeing him tormented by self-loathing, overwhelmed by his emotions, I felt a desire to comfort him.

It was also amusing. That even unrequited love could evoke possessiveness.

“J-just forget everything I said.”

But if I said this now to him, looking as if he was about to die from mortification, he might spontaneously combust from shame right here and now. That’s how critical Inha’s internal state seemed. I covered my twitching lips and spoke calmly.

“Inha, it’s a misunderstanding. It wasn’t like that at all….”

“…….”

“I’m absolutely not interested in him in that way. I was just curious because you liked him. I told you, I’m definitely not gay. ‘Men are men after all.’ That’s all I thought.”

Finally, Inha slowly lifted his gaze. His trembling eyelashes were filled with tension.

“And his face… No matter how pretty he is, you’re much prettier in my eyes.”

Inha, who had been listening quietly, trembled slightly at that.

Were my words that creepy?

His reaction made me a bit embarrassed, but I didn’t want to take it back. Because it was true that Inha was pretty. No one could deny that.

“Don’t be ridiculous… Junghyun is the pretty one.”

…I thought no one would deny it, and then he denied it himself.

I shook my head firmly.

“No, you’re much prettier. Really.”

“…….”

Despite my repeated emphasis, Inha just stared blankly. It seemed my compliment didn’t resonate with him.

“You don’t believe me?”

“You’re too generous with your compliments.”

“Still, I don’t lie.”

“Yeah, you exaggerate a bit.”

Listening to Inha, a doubt started to form. …Could he really be underestimating his own looks? Surrounded by so many glamorous people, maybe he considered his own face just average. But that was truly absurd. I had never seen anyone as uniquely beautiful and handsome as Inha in my entire life.

“Do you not know what you look like?”

“What do you mean, ‘not know’? I look in the mirror every day….”

“Is it because you’re so used to your own face that you don’t know what average is?”

Inha chuckled at my words.

“What are you trying to say? I get it, so stop.”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for boosting my self-esteem.”

As if truly believing my compliments were exaggerations, Inha brushed off my words and started walking again. I stood still and watched his retreating figure, and before he had taken more than a few steps, he turned around. His cautious eyes seemed to ask, “Why aren’t you coming?” He truly couldn’t be cold, not even for a single moment.

I fell into step beside him and said,

“…Anyway, what I was trying to say is…”

“Yeah.”

“…you don’t have to be discouraged. You’re much better than that Junghyun guy.”

“…….”

“Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you’re automatically at a disadvantage. If you take away the unrequited love handicap, you’re not lacking in anything. You undeniably stand out. You’re special. So, anyone you like should consider themselves lucky.”

Inha tilted his head and scoffed, “Tch….”

I put my hand on his shoulder and offered words of encouragement, and Inha sniffled.

“Lucky in what way?”

“Lucky that it might work out.”

“…You really don’t understand what it means to like a man.”

I had given him so much encouragement, and suddenly he was criticizing me? I looked down at him silently, prompting an explanation.

“He likes women. He absolutely doesn’t see men as potential partners. Don’t you understand what that means?”

“I do. But you could be the exception.”

We had arrived at the company parking lot. Inha glanced around to see if anyone was nearby, then leaned in and whispered,

“You said it yourself. You said you’d never be gay.”

“…….”

“Could you date Choi Heejun? Or if some other guy said he liked you to death, would you start liking him?”

Of course, that would be absolutely impossible.

I might feel sympathy for him choosing such a difficult unrequited love, but sympathy alone doesn’t spark love. Applying his explanation to my own situation, I finally understood.

“See? What’s not meant to be is not meant to be.”

As if checking if I finally understood, Inha tapped my chest with the back of his hand and moved away again.

But I wasn’t speaking from ignorance.

I just wanted good things to happen to him. If possible… something miraculous.

Seeing my silence, Inha, thinking I had finally conceded, awkwardly scratched under his eye.

“Anyway, I was pathetic earlier, wasn’t I?”

“What was pathetic about it?”

“Lying about being jealous and all. It was really bad.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

I answered immediately, but Inha stared at me as if he didn’t believe me.

“It was just cute.”

I chuckled and lowered my head, and Inha bristled.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“Everyone gets like that when they like someone.”

“Do you?”

Inha asked out of the blue. I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his.

“Have you ever felt like that?”

“…….”

At his question, I briefly scanned my memories from childhood to the present. It wasn’t that I was unfamiliar with light crushes and infatuations. I had approached and become close to people of the opposite sex who caught my eye, and I had felt attraction, but that was as far as it went. At some point, as the intensity of the relationship deepened, I naturally stepped back and steered the course towards friendship. More accurately, I consciously blocked the development of any feelings beyond that.

Some might ask if controlling attraction is really that easy, but I think nothing is easier. Rather, the idea of falling madly in love with someone was a sensation I found difficult to comprehend. Fanning the flames of attraction, or extinguishing them, is entirely a matter of will.

Is this line of thinking unusual? I wondered if there were other people like me in the world. I didn’t think I was particularly strange.

“Hmm….”

As I narrowed my eyes, Inha replied dejectedly,

“So, no.”

“At least not to the point of jealousy…”

“You don’t know what love is.”

“Haha!”

I laughed loudly, and Inha clenched his fists and glared at me. Feeling like I might get punched in the gut again, I quickly cleared my throat and whispered solemnly to Inha,

“Actually, this is a secret… I’m saving myself for my future wife.”

“…….”

“Isn’t it better to only love one person when you finally experience that amazing love? First love being your last love. That’s cool, isn’t it?”

“…Whatever.”

“It would be funny if you testified at my wedding someday. You could say you never thought your friend, who spouted such dreamy nonsense in high school about only loving one person his whole life, would actually achieve it.”

“…….”

“Now that I think about it, that’s a good idea. Will you do it?”

Inha just nodded without answering. His lackluster response deflated me.

He checked the time on his phone. It was 7:57. It was time for him to go in, but for some reason, Inha couldn’t move his feet.

“I kept you too long. Hurry up and go.”

“It takes 17 seconds to run from here to the practice room.”

“That’s very precise.”

“I’ve done it a lot.”

“You really don’t want to practice, do you?”

Inha shoved his phone into his pocket and let out a small, irritated “Yeah!” Of course, his irritation had no impact. He was just cute and funny, trying to stay out as long as possible.

Inha pulled off his beanie, ruffled his thick hair, and then put it back on.

“…You came.”

“Huh?”

“You came to our company for the first time.”

As he said this, the skin under Inha’s eyes was faintly pink. Seeing his shy expression, I finally understood the context. He wanted to stay with me as long as possible because I had come all the way here. Even if it was just for two minutes.

“Inha, you…”

“Huh?”

“Why are you so cute? Come here. Let me hug you.”

“What?!”

I grabbed him as he backed away and pulled him into a hug. Surprisingly, he didn’t resist and yielded to my embrace. I squeezed him tightly and then let him go.

Released from my hug, Inha, with a shy face, checked the time again. It was 7:59.

“I never thought you’d come to the company. You hate our company.”

“…….”

“I was really surprised to see you, and happy.”

“…….”

“…So come again next time. Next time, come to see me, not Junghyun.”

And without another word, Inha darted into the building. He was probably running frantically now, trying to make it to the practice room within 17 seconds.

I left the parking lot a little later. His last words kept echoing in my ears. He never thought I would come. And he asked me to visit again. Behind his simple words lay an unspoken longing.

Had he been wanting me to come all this time?

Was he perhaps looking for support?

Even before Inha became a trainee, I disliked the entertainment industry. I always said that no one was as two-faced as celebrities, that people in the entertainment industry were all crooks, and that there were no bigger lies in the world than those fabricated for television. It was awkward for me that my best friend became a trainee, but it must have been even more so for Inha.

I had deliberately been indifferent to Inha’s company. Come to think of it, Inha used to talk about his trainee life often, but at some point, the frequency had noticeably decreased. I had never been curious about what his fellow trainees looked like, how old they were, or what their talents were, even though they were often in the pictures Inha sent me. If Inha hadn’t revealed he had a crush on one of them, I still wouldn’t have had the slightest interest.

Even without the fact that Inha was a trainee preparing to debut as an idol, we had plenty to talk about. And we were still best friends, so I thought it was okay.

But what if that was just my assumption? My heart grew heavy.

What should I do? I still can’t support him.

A wry smile touched my lips.

I knew Inha well. He was so diligent that he would endure whatever came his way. But I doubted whether that would truly lead to a smooth and happy life.

Inha was someone who could find great happiness in small fortunes. There had to be another kind of happiness out there, a kind that truly suited him.

Inha, I want you to be happy, but it’s hard to be happy as a celebrity.

And not long after, something happened that solidified this belief.

Inha, who had been practicing literally day and night, reached his physical limit with his knee.

🌌

The orthopedic hospital room I rushed to was more crowded and chaotic than I expected. The large room with ten beds was full, and visitors at each bed made it quite noisy.

I couldn’t find Inha right away and was looking around when,

“Jihee…!”

Inha, sitting on the farthest bed, awkwardly waved at me from across the room. Catching my breath after running, I went straight to him.

“You got here fast.”

“What’s so bad that they’re talking about surgery?”

My voice, bursting out without even a greeting, sounded angry even to my own ears.

“The surgery is….”

Inha hesitated before answering. At the same time, a man sitting next to Inha tilted his head up at me. He had sharp, upturned eyes, an eyebrow piercing, and probably a trainee. I ignored him and looked back at Inha.

“Was it always this serious? Did you not know? Or did you just not tell me?”

Inha held a pint of ice cream and a pink spoon. But seeing my agitated state, he seemed to think it wasn’t the time to eat and lowered his hand holding the spoon.

Then, the mean-looking trainee sitting next to him jerked his chin at me and opened his mouth.

“Who is this?”

“My friend….”

“Him?”

“Yeah.”

“Ohh….”

It was strange how they could understand each other with just single words, not even full sentences. It also bothered me that they seemed to be exchanging some kind of code I couldn’t decipher. I looked back at the nameless trainee. My expression probably wasn’t very friendly.

He didn’t look like an idol, no matter how I looked at him…

“Are you a trainee too?”

“That’s right.”

The man spoke to me curtly, with a swaggering attitude. Then, he stood up and said goodbye to Inha.

“I’m going. I’ll come again tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Changyoung.”

“Eat the ice cream before it melts. Don’t mind him.”

“What?”

I raised an eyebrow and retorted to this “Changyoung,” but he continued to treat me like I was invisible and swaggered out of the room.

I plopped down in the seat Changyoung had vacated and asked,

“Who was that?”

“A trainee at our company.”

“He got cast looking like that?”

“What’s wrong with Changyoung…?”

What’s wrong with him? Did he really not know?

“Everyone gets work done before debuting these days.”

At my indirect question about plastic surgery, Inha bit his lip and replied,

“Changyoung has already done his best.”

“Hmm… Right.”

Then there was nothing more to say.

“Is he really talented?”

“Yeah, he’ll probably be the leader. And Changyoung is nice.”

His rambling praise made me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, now that I knew why this guy was here before me, my questions were answered. He must have come for a hospital visit as a representative of their team. I gestured towards the ice cream in Inha’s hand.

“It’ll melt. Eat it quickly.”

“Let’s eat together.”

Inha took out another spoon and handed it to me. Now that I looked, all three flavors in the container were Inha’s favorites.

“That guy bought it for you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“…….”

I didn’t know why it bothered me so much that a complete stranger knew Inha’s preferences as well as I did. Well, come to think of it, they lived together. It would be stranger if they didn’t know each other well, considering they spent all day together.

Even though I acknowledged that, I felt strangely uncomfortable. It was a different kind of discomfort than when I thought Inha was being bullied. Of course, it was better than being ignored, but I didn’t like the feeling of sharing my best friend with others.

“He seemed to know me.”

I asked, recalling their cryptic exchange from earlier. Inha nodded.

“…Of course he does. You’re my best friend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Everyone in our team knows you.”

Strangely enough, his words eased my mind.

“Haah… What exactly happened to your knee?”

Inha lowered his eyes and quietly explained his condition. He said his knee had been hurting for a while, as I knew. He thought it was just simple inflammation and had been getting injections, but it had become chronic, and his cartilage had worn away.

“Your cartilage wore away? Doesn’t that mean it won’t regenerate?”

My heart sank at the terrifying words. Inha swallowed a bite of ice cream and lowered his gaze.

“They said it’ll be fine with surgery. It would be good to have it, but it’s not something that needs to be done right this second…. And if I manage it well and exercise, I can hold out a little longer.”

“Will you be completely fine after surgery?”

“Probably…? They said a lot of athletes have this surgery.”

“Why are you hospitalized?”

“They told me not to walk for a while.”

“…….”

“I have to use a wheelchair even to go to the bathroom….”

“…Ugh….”

Worry melted my heart. As I hung my head and sighed, Inha added with a weak smile,

“But it’s covered by workers’ compensation. And insurance.”

I was dumbfounded that he could smile in this situation. If the company hadn’t overworked him, Inha wouldn’t have been lying in a hospital bed in the first place.

“Ha….”

Not knowing what to say, I just sighed and looked away. But the situation in the hospital room was just as appalling. He wouldn’t recover in such a noisy place.

Silently observing the chaotic state of the room, I turned back to Inha.

“Does it have to be here? Can’t you get a private room?”

“They said I have to use what the insurance company designated….”

“So, how long do you have to stay?”

“Until I can walk without a wheelchair? They said I should be hospitalized for about two weeks.”

“Two weeks?”

I had thought he would be discharged in three or four days, but it was much longer than I expected. Seeing my wide-eyed expression, Inha added,

“Right? It’s too long. That’s why I’m going to talk to the company. To be discharged a little earlier, or to rest at the dorm.”

“Is that allowed?”

Inha hesitated for a moment at my question before replying,

“It’s a waste of time anyway. Being here like this.”

“…….”

“It’s better to return quickly once I’m a bit better. The debut isn’t far off.”

I was surprised by the unexpected information in his words and asked again,

“Your debut is confirmed?”

“I don’t know for sure. But the company said they’re definitely debuting a new group in the first half of next year.”

“Then it’s confirmed.”

“Well… our ace left recently, as you know. And the team’s concept changed a bit.”

“…….”

“They said they’re reorganizing the team to fit the concept…. We’re still being tested.”

I could see the anxiety he couldn’t quite hide in his expression. He seemed worried about being cut at the last minute.

“So, you’re saying you can’t rest because of a debut that may or may not happen?”

“I have to postpone the surgery.”

“If that’s the atmosphere, the practice must be even more intense than before.”

“…….”

Inha couldn’t answer, confirming my words.

That’s when I realized. Even if the doctor said surgery was the immediate solution, Inha would never choose it. From the way he explained it earlier, he had already been hesitant about the surgery. The reason was obvious. There was no time for rehabilitation with a debut on the horizon.

I also doubted he would actually get enough rest and properly manage his condition. I didn’t think he would take it easy on practice, consumed by the anxiety of potentially being dropped from the debut team at the last minute.

Even though I had no medical knowledge, I knew that cartilage, unlike hair, doesn’t grow back. I was scared. We were only nineteen, and Inha, whose growth wasn’t even complete, already had an irreparable part of his body.

I gently placed my hand on Inha’s knee, which rested on the bed. His knee, in a cast and wrapped in bandages, felt swollen even through the layers.

“But what if you get cut?”

“…….”

“You’ll miss the treatment window, the debut will be over….”

“…….”

“And you’ll be the only one screwed?”

“Jihee.”

Inha looked up, startled by my harsh tone.

“Return? What return? Do you seriously not know what’s more important right now? Are you blind?”

“…….”

“Are you so obsessed with being a celebrity?”

I pressed him with suppressed anger, but my voice was still heavily laced with emotion.

There was still so much I wanted to say. But feeling like I would say even harsher things if I continued, I just stood up.

“Jihee.”

I felt something tugging at my clothes from behind. As I pulled away and turned around, I saw Inha holding the edge of my shirt. His hand, now empty, looked forlorn.

“…I’ll go.”

With my lips pressed together, I left the hospital room.

🌌

Even after leaving Inha like that, I couldn’t leave the hospital easily and stood in front of it for a long time. The words I hadn’t been able to say kept swirling in my mouth.

Inha, you look pathetic and foolish acting like this.

What is so great about being a celebrity that you’re so obsessed?

Don’t give me that cliché lie about singing and dancing being your lifelong dream. It won’t work on me.

Honestly, you want money and fame. You want to climb the social ladder, that’s your ambition.

The unspoken words churned inside me. I admitted that I was prejudiced against celebrities. But honestly, most of the aspiring celebrities swarming the school had this mentality. They claimed they dreamed of being celebrities because they wanted to make their passion their profession, but honestly, there were plenty of other avenues to express their talents. Didn’t they want to be celebrities because it was the easiest way to satisfy their vanity?

Of course, I knew Inha wasn’t like that, but doubts kept creeping in. Why was he so desperate to debut? Why did he act like his life would be over if he missed this opportunity? Did he hate an ordinary life that much?

Inha wasn’t like that….

“Ha….”

How could I be so sure he wasn’t like that?

When I hadn’t even known he liked men.

Even though it was past rush hour, the eight-lane road in Cheongdam-dong was still bustling with cars. Across the street, luxury flagship stores lined up, and expensive cars with eye-catching emblems flashed their hazard lights, pausing briefly in front of the stores before driving off.

Maybe Inha wanted to cruise down Cheongdam-dong in a car like that. Of course, wanting a foreign car, a nice house, and envious gazes wasn’t a crime. It’s just….

I didn’t want Inha to become materialistic.

I started walking without a destination. My phone vibrated a couple of times while I was walking. It was probably Inha. I deliberately didn’t check it, not feeling ready to face him.

How long did I walk? As time passed, my emotions slowly subsided, and reason returned. I was relieved that I hadn’t blurted out those harsh words churning inside me, but at the same time, I started to regret even the words I had spoken.

Calling him “screwed” was too much. Inha was the one who was struggling the most right now.

I should have been supportive, but instead, I cornered him.

I shouldn’t have said those things.

I shouldn’t have been so harsh….

I wandered the streets for a while longer, finally returning home close to midnight. The empty house, devoid of my parents as always, greeted me.

After showering alone in the quiet house, I checked my messages before going to bed. As expected, it was Inha who had contacted me.

[Want to talk on the phone?]

[Call me when you’ve calmed down]

And 15 minutes later:

[It’s okay even if you haven’t…]

[Call me anytime]

In the dim room, the blue light from the phone screen stung my eyes.

I dropped my hand holding the phone onto the pillow beside me and closed my eyes. A sigh escaped my lips. I could picture him anxiously waiting, even though he had done nothing wrong.

I debated whether to call him now, but decided against it in case he was asleep, not wanting to wake him.

And the next day.

After spending the entire day agonizing over what to say to Inha and how to apologize, I went straight to the bookstore after school. I spent a long time circling the study guide section, lost in thought. There were quite a few other students in uniform like me near the study guide section, probably gearing up for the looming college entrance exam after summer vacation.

When I left the bookstore a little later, my hands were full of study guides. I hadn’t intended to buy so many, but once I started choosing, I couldn’t stop. Knowing Inha probably didn’t even have a pen, I added notebooks and stationery to my purchase. The paper bag became so heavy that it was hard to carry with one hand.

“Wow…. This is crazy. It’s going to rip.”

The bottom of the bag might tear if I continued like this. I hugged the paper shopping bag to my chest instead of carrying it by the handles and immediately caught a taxi to the hospital.

I didn’t know if this was the kind of help Inha wanted.

Honestly, a phone call would have been more effective than this. And if I called him now, Inha would surely answer as if nothing had happened.

So, in the end, the reason I was bringing all this stuff was because I lacked the courage. And because I was embarrassed about my harsh words yesterday.

I felt pathetic, being so anxious now after getting angry, being emotional, and even refusing his call. Knowing that Inha would never think of me that way made me feel even worse.

The closer the taxi got to the hospital, the more unsure my steps became. Before opening the door to his room, I hesitated, wondering what expression I should wear.

After much hesitation, I turned the doorknob and opened the door.

“…….”

A sight similar to yesterday greeted me. The relatively noisy hospital room, and Inha sitting alone on the bed.

“…Y-you should have called before coming.”

But Inha wasn’t alone.

As Inha’s gaze turned towards me, the others with him also turned their heads. Changyoung, the guy with the eyebrow piercing I saw yesterday, and… another person next to him.

“Oh.”

I recognized him immediately.

“Junghyun?”

The moment I saw the person Inha liked, I felt like I was the intruder.

“Sorry. I didn’t know you had visitors…. I’ll come back later.”

Bad timing. Thinking that, I reached for the doorknob, but Inha quickly sat up.

“Oh, no…! Jihee, don’t go. You can stay. It’s okay with you guys, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind.”

Junghyun responded indifferently to Inha’s flustered words. On the other hand, Changyoung, whom I had also seen yesterday, just stared at me with sharp, hostile eyes.

What did I do to deserve such animosity?

“…….”

I wasn’t one to be intimidated, so I stared right back. Sparks flew briefly as our gazes locked in midair. It was Inha who broke the awkward silence.

“Jihee, don’t just stand there, come here. There’s a chair.”

Inha gestured towards me as I stood by the door, not moving any closer. He seemed a little anxious as he awkwardly sat up, probably struggling to fully straighten up because of his cast. Seeing him like that instantly softened my heart.

That expression, pretending to be fine even though he must have been hurt by what happened yesterday. Seeing his face, as if he was just grateful that I came, made me feel even more petty. I let out a quiet sigh and adjusted the heavy bag in my arms.

Right. I came to see Inha.

As I changed my mind and awkwardly approached them to sit down, Changyoung, who had been staring at the floor, suddenly jumped up.

“Changyoung, where are you going?!”

“Fuck….”

Ignoring Inha’s call, he bumped my shoulder hard and stormed out the door.

The door slammed shut as if in a fit of rage. I heard a string of curses from beyond the door. Stunned by the sudden attack, I stood frozen, staring at the closed door in disbelief.

“What’s his problem?”

The words I wanted to say came from behind me. It was Junghyun who spoke. Beside Inha, whose face had hardened, Junghyun yawned and stretched as if the commotion had nothing to do with him.

I went to Inha’s bedside and dropped the bag and my backpack. Junghyun, instead of the dejected Inha, peeked into my bag.

“What’s this?”

“It’s for Inha.”

“Huh, why books? I thought it was food.”

Beside the disappointed Junghyun, I spoke to Inha. It was hard to meet his eyes after what I said yesterday.

“I thought we could study together since you’ll be bored alone while you’re recovering….”

Inha didn’t answer and just fiddled with his hands.

“You’re still going to take the college entrance exam, right? I was thinking I could help you.”

“You?”

“Yeah. Let’s study together until you’re fully recovered. I’ll come straight here after school for a while.”

“What about your after-school academy?”

My parents didn’t care whether I went to the academy or not. They probably didn’t even know if I had properly applied for the college entrance exam.

I shook my head and replied,

“It’s fine. I can skip it.”

Just then, Junghyun cut in with a chuckle.

“Can you cram for the college entrance exam?”

I smiled and looked at him.

“We’ll find out.”

“Wow, Myung Inha. What are you going to do? He looks super strict. Looks like you’re going to have to study, even though it’s not your thing. Haha!”

Inha chuckled along, “Hehe.”

I carefully observed Inha’s face. It seemed foolish how his expression brightened at a single word from the person he liked. This time, I turned to look closely at Junghyun’s profile. His cheerful face held no suspicion that a man might like him.

Perhaps this was why Inha was adamant about not showing his feelings or confessing. Because this comfortable, friendly atmosphere would disappear the moment his feelings were revealed.

I had found it hard to understand Inha’s desire to remain just friends, but seeing this, I felt like I could relate.

Should I step aside and let them have a good time together?

“You two talk for a bit.”

I tactfully got up from my seat. Inha’s eyes followed me.

“Jihee. Where are you going?”

“I’m going outside for a bit.”

“Why? You just got here….”

“I actually haven’t eaten dinner. I’ll eat outside and come back.”

“Then let’s eat together…!”

“I’m okay. Order something delicious with Junghyun.”

Even as I stepped aside, the clueless Inha still looked perplexed.

Before opening the door to leave, I discreetly made a fist towards Inha. Fighting, Myung Inha.

🌌

When I entered the franchise cafe near the hospital, I ran into an unexpected person.

“Oh….”

“Ah….”

Awkwardly facing each other at the counter, we immediately averted our gazes like strangers and looked at the menu.

I thought he left. Why was he still hanging around here?

The mean-looking trainee with the eyebrow piercing… was his name Changyoung? While thinking about how to respond if he started something again, I finished ordering.

I noticed him glancing at me while I waited for my drink, and sure enough, he came over. My expression probably wasn’t very welcoming, given the lingering resentment from his one-sided outburst earlier. Despite this, he stubbornly approached me and spoke.

“Hey. Let’s talk.”

“I don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Ha, jeez….”

He put his hand on his forehead, looking exasperated. That’s your problem.

“It’s about Myung Inha.”

“…….”

I stared intently at him, unable to ignore the bait. I reluctantly headed to a table, and he followed. I dramatically threw my wallet on the table and plopped down on a chair.

Changyoung pulled up a chair across from me and immediately started talking.

“Is that all you can say as his so-called friend?”

I hated how I understood what he meant, even though he had completely omitted the context. I sighed quietly and put my cup down.

“To Inha?”

“Yeah, I heard you cursed him out yesterday.”

Cursed him out? I was worried sick about him.

Of course, I didn’t use the nicest words.

“Inha even tells you that kind of stuff?”

“He tells me everything.”

His words, spoken with a smirk, irked me. But I didn’t fall for his smug expression. He probably didn’t know that Inha liked men. That was our secret.

Calming myself with a quiet sense of victory, I waited for him to continue.

“You’ve never been a trainee, you know nothing about the entertainment industry, so you just spout nonsense because you’re clueless. An injury? That’s common. He can get treatment any time later once he makes money. If he misses his debut because of that, his life will really be screwed.”

“…….”

“You don’t know how desperate Inha is. I heard you got a lot of casting offers when you were younger? Since you had opportunities falling at your feet, I guess Inha’s desperation seems laughable to you.”

“…I never thought it was laughable.”

Changyoung scoffed as if he hadn’t even heard me.

“You don’t know that our manager chewed Inha out.”

“Why Inha?”

“He asked why Inha wasn’t bringing his friend, the one who gave you his business card, to the company. He kept nagging him, asking if he was holding you back because he was afraid you’d debut before him.”

I couldn’t hide my surprise at that. I remembered the burly man who gave me his business card the morning after I slept over at Inha’s dorm. The type who easily disguised rudeness as sociability. I never dreamed Inha was being subjected to such talk behind my back.

“…Inha never told me that.”

“Of course not. He knows you hate it when we talk about the industry.”

“…….”

“He’ll never tell you things you don’t want to hear, no matter how much he gets chewed out. That’s how much he hates doing things you dislike.”

His words stung me deeply.

“You should know better than to act like a spoiled brat and say those things, when you can freely express your likes and dislikes in front of Inha, but he can’t. What? You said he’d be crippled? That he’s foolish for being so fixated on his debut? Fuck. Are those things you say to a friend? I don’t know why you have such a grudge against aspiring celebrities, but fine, whatever. What did Inha do to deserve feeling like a criminal even in front of his friend?”