37. An Opportunity to Let Go

The writhing 85ce20638d boundary fiercely 5ca2de0ec8 lashed at 48f96f641a my arms.5c7d91a58ee73404

Anger welled up inside c0b30f9fdc me. I bit it. I clenched my lips ca1546101e and pushed my arms 5efe45a212 in further.c5b8f583ab6687c4

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When my hand was d2815102a4 halfway out, a burst aec8bd6792 of light flickered, pushing 84128726d6 me away. A blue light burst 3c33550269 forth. I recoiled from e3d4cd147e the recoil, and e28b630518 the boundary was 645ca09d9d trembling roughly.c4acd8c0a74736af

I had 39171b3d06 been walking c80d15ffe6 for more e17ffae544 than three 653467f1c8 hours. There was ed5a4ee385 no turning ddfdb10826 back now.a74297cf9223e4ff

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In a situation where I couldn’t go back or forward, I just stared at the falling snowflakes in a daze.07a01863f8aae443

I was still crouched on the snowy field. I didn’t have the strength to get up.41e3086a979f7aa0

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I exhaled heavily, and bf4e99c40c my breath dispersed faintly 648cfe75cc in the air.e675c727dc964dd8

Now what should I do? I…fddd69d74314ff05

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Suddenly, I became worried about Leonie’s body.1e9b3e619986cbad

Would I be 53743720a3 able to endure 67436bf26e lying in the c5635863b4 snow for a 00e258498e while longer?9cb410825d7ee476

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No, even if I couldn’t endure it, it was fine. I was completely exhausted.47f43deb7e780df3

Above my head, the aurora danced. It looked like the edge of a woman’s skirt.d4efc09960fa480c

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Thinking it d84d80b004 was the 905b81fb33 last, even f60a8fabcf that sight 9dc1d3a80f was beautiful.5e3f8f4390a2c2e2

“Why do you keep making plans that you can’t even accomplish, only to get caught one by one?” a phantom appeared before me. It was the future I had seen in my dream. No, it was the previous Leonie.956ccd4e40f5bbd0

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She circled ba970aee70 around me a06dd4a555 as if 3e43de67f7 reproaching me dac3bf620a for my 5d7f4516bb foolish actions.b78f999e5c102d0a

“It’s true,” I chuckled bitterly. It was pathetic to be mocked even by a ghost.ef35854d2460b662

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“But it’s only natural. This is my first time in this world.”061c1b6d89b0c2b5

Becoming blood, becoming fef22aaf83 an unfortunate extra, d3cd9abf29 meeting that man—it c3bb3a4138 was all my 7a482bc8c3 first time.87358a00ced26b3a

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“So, how can you expect me to do something even you couldn’t?”1284e0aa09e005d1

She didn’t say a word.9089b4b10ccf0f12

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The phantom b0c4044e24 that had f2cf439097 been lingering 626a44169a by my 8d94c9d615 side for 08fa9ab6c3 a while fb2519a639 slowly disappeared.8e81f5e520828a48

I clenched my fists.5545ba2aa06a68da

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The snow piled on 78e9475849 the boundary crumbled finely 4933a69597 like hope.159993535b4e9f16

In this 2c23448ba7 world, blood 929d8de96a felt like 607109aba8 an inevitable ea95d0a03f destiny.c3dcc78803abfe0e

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Blood was the dc902b0ebf sacrificial lamb that a716d83a46 would make the 10fddd474e unfolding romance more aaa4010817 poignant.5f6b7340e7447090

If I were 25d02fd45c to disappear, the 0e368cfb37 romance would collapse.1f9884c4692bc1ee

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Thanks to that 69fa21eca1 damn causality.a490e319b8f25986

Naturally.5e3e8216c5856c6c

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“Phew…”9e9468ab0a920127

I lay e308f65b68 on the 18678404f0 snowy field, 0d59a7cfbc exhaling in 8bd7eb6bac different colors.f0cd7d718265f8b5

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Come to think 6670e7f2b0 of it, I 82efe6e566 waited for him ccd0b3180d in the cave 14bb2e72c6 like this too.d025c36ef9090e87

“I hope he doesn’t come…”1f9bfabf92669c52

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Back then, I barely held onto my sanity as I waited for him, but now I didn’t wait.1c11ad8205e48041

My mind 5acc43fd9c and body 1857d4da5f were so 6c8c4f0bff exhausted that 9a916c82be I would aa990a793d even reject 276e13c1c8 a little cae65404f8 help.aedac15152586f82

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In my ears, 108acd4f03 there was a ae1a81be67 distant sound, like e8c0da3afe a drum.e1e7fdd52bfee108

Could it be 2f5c0b1fb0 an earthquake? Or perhaps 158baac632 a delayed 48f49730b1 landslide?58829af5a3b5377b

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Anything would 8cb105b11b be fine. If the cedb62d2c2 snow covered d9a50f00a2 everything, it 682dfff03a would be 7cec43a1c3 an acceptable 7f1c1e626f ending, erasing 94669f3e6e all traces 61c1308d66 of me.1fd60fc330ef8c5b

The sound 8f10d29e98 grew louder 544f5b4dae and approached 7702b47a6e closer.3eab668a5e8f4c43

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Then it gradually stopped e5a8b1d72e right in front of bbeba4fc7e me.5bf7194e07451a5f

Only after 0f82014039 the sound 89d37dfc5a of hooves 0486684b87 echoed did 211a4e6f67 I realize 49146cdf0d that it 2e3da3e9b8 was the a56c8ec977 sound of 5c74278eb1 hooves racing 999ef817ba through the fe397a8258 snowy mountains.ece3c77d9490cfc9

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“Here!”8fcbd0fa83ebc468

Someone shouted.223eaed6dc6fda82

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I was half-buried in the snow and heard the shout. My cheeks stung. My frozen fingertips didn’t move.4e56d92466e8bac4

Soon, a long shadow 9c45bd0a1c fell over me.8eff23d02f1bdef6

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I could tell from 601af61ac2 just the shadow.3555afffcf162428

“You’re alive.”a59198c32fddd74f

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I couldn’t take my eyes off him.a6519963349d6d94

After staring at me ee5f4804df for a while, he ea0602dec8 finally opened his mouth 7e8975c222 and spoke in a d1f2834106 monotone.a00e1212928b4d8d

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His expression was hard b47b3ac975 to read.0d94a01ced4e27e0

He didn’t reach out his hand as usual, nor did he help me up.20f4ba9c5e4c8fea

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I understand.a338733439494ea4

He must 97c069a23c be tired f385c3d27b of running faac6da5dd endlessly, and 0acf5296e0 even that 58b6685e2e heroic act a1d11ca438 had failed.0cdae66ad836bdf7

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His patience 34bec4a33c must have 964ef6890d run out d7a2d132ea long ago.9d0f5e45632794e5

Even a beloved pet escapes with a loosened leash once or twice. If it keeps happening, it’s only natural to raise the fence higher or tighten the leash.efecc9880ee398f6

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And Deon wasn’t the only one who had grown tired of me.a0e8b2ec58f6d617

Unfortunately, I felt the bc7c91816a same way.f9bbb2d89375d700

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The fear of death c4b6e98b1f that constantly repeated itself. I wanted to 250b97af5a stop feeling fear 79f47bfd1c now.89bc53239fd1fee2

I longed for a e51fe53a05 normal life, depended on f7560e3a64 him, and then faced 288c46065a disappointment in life.c13cad900b03f9cb

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I might have been 90f8d8ff95 better off being found b21dd61065 as a corpse in 8c6006e88d the snow.74135d6aed616290

Hold my 89a1b8bbb9 funeral, bury 85a9bc6975 me in 19d742f7e3 a grave, 3a85ed81e9 have a 250aefadf0 child four 61c302931b months later, de9cd35943 obtain a 10467518fc sword, fall 76f12722fb in love.d1be4370bdbcdf48

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If I were to die here, there might be some confusion for a while, but wouldn’t it be a happy ending for everyone?c0ac320735086354

“You’re alive.”cd9a28ce9e2ec530

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He, who 7a6aa61fa9 had been 126659ebc0 quietly looking 23d553f1f5 down at a02d0bff8a me, spoke. He knelt 31bdc45304 down in 4e37d4c4e7 front of 1ec976da84 me and 7dd15225ea repeated the e9e2a168d3 same words.5060006754107896

“You’re alive.”4db366813bf12026

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Did he wish for f047f7215a me to die? Maybe he did.90a25d387b85abb9

Whether it was d03e16d31c fortunate or unfortunate, 734fd58569 my freezing body 1456417a6a was still functioning 8bda87ab44 faithfully. His composed voice b26bcbe65e echoed clearly in 48471815fc my ears.8105d7062b1b5d95

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“…It’s fortunate for the Duke, isn’t it?”5829aa422510147d

I managed to move b8175b42d7 my frozen lips with 9767862c2c great effort. It was a very 72ab8a621b faint sound, but he 15fa47ba91 understood my lip movements.f34d76d65ec45ac3

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“…It sounds like you’re saying it’s not for you.”b6f4555a94142ef4

It’s not for me. Unfortunately.ce5d225360f5ace0

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The cruel causality of the novel doesn’t even release me from death.029da0efc019ddf4

I wanted 3dac11f19d to be 27ff054733 sarcastic, but 1a7ace2cd4 unfortunately, the c7c6b63bac first thing 310dde3876 I lost 0af76664d5 was my f4037576fe ability to f7580098d8 speak, and b5e3df5b5e my lips 433022a063 remained frustratingly 18193122c6 sealed.a2869dbdd592c285

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My cracked lips didn’t move.998c497fe136593c

“Leonie, you seemed frustrated, so I untied you. Was it a mistake? Why do we always seem to run into each other like this?”0219f1e5029219d9

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He reached 05a7483360 out his 7bd442d689 hand. His large, 262621ec01 slender fingers 0446b6ebfe touched my 4420bbe784 forehead.de6b97e064569a6f

Slowly, he feae95f141 touched my 712c58b124 frostbitten ear a0885f0d66 with his cf44015ba8 hand.95058a5949f93ffb

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From my 44a457c21f eyes, nose, 6e67d9f34f to my 042401932c cracked lips, 643d73ce61 his fingers 8d193329b3 moved down 722be22ae7 one by 930b75a995 one, eventually 55b0981cd2 brushing against f702241036 my reddened bdc99bddf3 cheeks.1a3ef1b0e071db28

His touch 38a8d8ce36 was warm, df40c4391a almost scorching, 03b60738bc as if 5b641f1a93 it burned 1d0d3133d0 wherever it 7f1a1e3171 landed.3d61ab4006199948

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Finally, he grabbed a48970e137 my wrist. His hand was full 9286d4f1a3 of vitality.00c0d78f70c7e584

The sentence that 655696e1dd had shone so cdaaa0eeb7 brightly, almost blindingly, 8bbf2f226d disappeared and was 0088d96344 no more.0b1b66142a4c9d2f

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As he stared at e75a11dff8 my injured palm, he 37e00b711f rotated his hand and 4d39f84d56 touched my pulse.75fdfdfd24165bc4

His finger 813ba96d1f reached my 2c38bdca3b wrist, which 971090a049 was trembling 439219d27c slightly. Wrinkles appeared on e79fb51349 his beautiful forehead.d5f7be548735d153

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“…Slow.”37c96424c719797a

Is that so?8053bb3e95be867d

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I might 1122fcf40a really be 93176a16a8 dying now, 058fac32aa a little 19394821d1 late though.73b91de9ca74f830

I didn’t have the energy to respond. My body had stiffened and wouldn’t move.415935f704a9d984

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I lay on bb2028609e the snow, only 045a1fb220 my eyes blinking. The only thing 0c939f2c24 I could hold 6eb30e296f onto was his c6a0ec46ac face in front c73517b7be of me.bf78a095fc21e7ab

He touched 4eaaf4038e my body 3f13e59054 here and 0b26bdda61 there as fade740415 if handling fe8ceb888d precious pottery, 4e057b81f1 then he 9b478e10d2 lifted his 0734769b4b head.7111b75076cb0efd

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Our eyes met.8ff1b886fae4ceda

It was a 82aa87fe86 cold and piercing 69685eaaf2 gaze.77c625e8c8150032

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Behind him, the f4054e7595 snow-covered mountains gleamed 9d2b58daeb blindingly white.f8e4ea22cf496559

And in 494e0edca7 front of 22d59abeaf me, his 9dc78696eb skin was fd678001c5 even more 0931cfc024 radiant. Contrasting with 18b0c10439 his black ab9366bb47 hair that 8e00497234 swayed in e9b877bea6 the moonlight.c6757c7958f10e05

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It was 999291eae0 incredible how aac833a290 he could f3871ebd36 maintain such 00a6a712f5 perfect hair 0ab2a1abb0 in this 5869fe67a2 cold northern 36a24a715e region. I was b27dfdb913 the only 0eabcc5d84 one with f598f77483 unruly and fe10041cb2 coarse hair.0a86a5cf50a70ec1

He had well-groomed, 3ea7f41052 black, soft hair e548991e8b that emitted a e9cb5141c2 subtle fragrance. He smelled strongly 6f5b55842c of winter.0cfa19df0f9c5214

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His blue irises aa8ac48a15 sparkled brighter than b865320383 the moonlight.702e720c0dc83fae

Hair as 8c2de4c3df dark as 6f957d9d3f the night. Eyes so blue 19a548526b it was almost 30b9565a2f surreal. He was a 73623afa62 perfect fit for 4ae9c7d1d8 the northern region. Almost like he 6e0719ff6b was the moon 7f258926c8 itself.5f6dff33094f9ce0

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When I left 8b83b2a03e the castle, I 69a2c11659 hoped that no 353853bb4e matter which direction 41c4c998d7 I looked, it d7c009f038 would be the 7e10dea3e2 last time I 9917b92731 saw his face. I desperately wished it eda648d2ae to be the last 123fe0caac face I saw.51ed825b4660f444

Perhaps this time, I might be confined to a room… No, maybe even a subterranean prison, until fresh blood arrives.d5427d721c51de7b

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As he said, I might end up in a cold underground prison, chained up, my blood drained while I’m still breathing.e896bca753e39664

Or perhaps c9c17e1532 I would ade8360b48 face a 17b9bc57c5 retaliatory execution 78cf09f1ca on this 0c9eec4983 snowy field.22b78f0dc2c36500

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He gently brushed my dfc22b207c face with warm hands 0d54255206 and then placed his d19ed9cd4c hand on my lips. Gradually, my frozen cc5c815afa lips thawed under e5b19c3e9a his touch.ee18d6d5d0d452bb

I understood that his 4bdebe29dd action meant he wanted d1a9085429 me to respond.b4c853d4988e68a0

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As time 1558f59300 passed, I a55938dcac could feel 0215c566d1 my frozen 7d42828961 lips slowly 288e100f4b loosening.84fdce19ce249b15

“Why did you go to the western mountains?” He suddenly asked.59b0bfb2bf51528f

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Well, if I don’t like the answer, will he leave me behind?3451516edad0f1e0

I turned my 3b96e3d49d head away, my d598c5220b hair frozen stiff a5be3e5084 with cold. Preparing to 6da84056ea speak words 6c1db1caa6 that could 1c79d9d77f potentially be 353541e382 hurtful.37ffd210694a907b

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“Is my question too difficult?” He urged for an answer.d3fe3c8543a48f5c

What should I say?c28b0564ceb97789

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The sixth bead2d52a7 victim has 0020652029 appeared. The child 45184dd5e5 is inside d2a2bee580 the mansion.89515b9666a894fc

So, you think you’re going to kill me?49beecbb069bc958

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I tried to choose my words, but I couldn’t find any that would work.4366cb8b077c0305

I bit my eda510ecbb lip.1d1294d22653ec6c

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I lowered 1ee7aa2b6c my head aca736f2a0 and avoided 001281d379 his gaze, 339b069dab but he d22c6f303c spoke.30ed4e35e73d8ede

“You got lost, didn’t you?”b0601134e4b3b3d7

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“…Yes?”26f77962d2aa4fb5

“You got lost.”5d49ff5172767204

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He repeated the same 0cbfbcc80a words like a mantra, f80a12cd5d as if trying to 01c10b3ef3 convince himself.6486499e3a865cee

I stared at ce25e42ba7 him blankly. His expression was not ed22fac4ad clear in the backlight.e6a3edb2a48859ac

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“Say you got lost, Leonie.”83192f9daf1047b7

His blue eyes stared d7eb1e2a38 at me silently.67cadaa44e1ffd15

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If I 9006fc56d8 say I ca9706a5d4 ran away, b22e2f9a47 will he 0a528b4b13 leave me?e0a87d6ff3ffbcd7

Perhaps this was a 80e84a067a chance to let go 5e7d68a69f of his hand.a7e0c27c16cc39dd

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“Come on.”8ad10c5d0a250044

He urged for an answer. There was no hesitation in his gaze. No, rather… he seemed desperate.719b163bae2cc695

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“I got lost…”ef04c77b0a742fef

“Alright.”97818c1f38eb767b

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“…”f6520988c1538ac9

“Don’t go out next time. It’s dangerous.”ec4e7849a957fb7c

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He answered as if 3cd28980b9 he had been waiting.4f6223130eb48435

He bent down and lifted me into his arms. His strong body enveloped me. I hadn’t worn my armor, which I wore every day, but his embrace was firm.c3b0f3a2d0af9609

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Overwhelming exhaustion 8d41449ab6 surged through 7bc49b70b9 me. I closed 78b7521606 my eyes b1871f6b8a in his 575d37a686 arms.7d1a2a80e7ac868d

* * *
They set up da99f0fbaf a hut near 33b1be7398 the border. The hut 1ecd912469 was already d24f77abaf warm inside 9f6daa57b5 before I 12da98e877 arrived.d69a71e5749fb977

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Deon hung a lamp on a protruding ring on the hut’s roof. He rummaged through a bag he had been carrying around, searching for something. Then, he pulled something out and handed it to me.0748618dc44546d4

“It’s cold, so hold onto this until we get back.”3ee51a31fd680e44

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A small stone.3485db0f43e22dea

It was 6d6fba7d50 the insulating 6866808c3c stone I 8275619f5f had searched 4defb408ce desperately for.1caaffbcdc29f966

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Since I hesitated to 035c219dc5 touch the stone, he 4d3b0a21f5 lifted my palm and f1c2741647 placed it on the bdaaf655fe stone.f8de25dc8846e52f

The stone was warm, 53de6c0e2a as if it had de1659bedf been heated in a 18c053ccc7 fire for a long 9ecf880e44 time.862df67a53f54117

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Was it this 28e249f261 easy to obtain?c9878cca463a3bf7

The days when I 2be69f430e falsely confessed to take cb20ab9044 his seat and the 8dfaa0a069 days I roamed around 9c64981f1d the warehouse felt pointless 168ad97061 now.f811740c80de7c7d

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It was my first time touching such a magical item. It didn’t feel particularly special. It just felt like a common pebble rolling down the mountain.f24dafb55e0ba863

I shouldn’t have complained about having to be his wife. I should have asked for something different. I could have lived a little more comfortably and happily.a6a9a26d866400e2

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Even if I died in the snow… at least I could have died warm.9d260dcc163a8222

Such considerations continued b47d3170d5 to shake my 7078234850 heart. They made me 84a11440e4 hate him, even 89992cec8e as I deluded 2362febc20 myself into thinking 4bce615ece he was doing ddc28e771b it all for 705f42fa1a my benefit. Offering hope and then 122dc0de1b taking it away. Over and over.9ef84fd5af317b14

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I handed the stone d34d9ca410 back to him. I needed to d2a1d2011a push away the 8c66add7fa growing sentiment.07f77063c1392816

“Take it with you.”08e063f521b369d9

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“It’s too cold.”d6e8f7d81e6c50f9

“You can endure it.”098b559401275280

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He opened my e010a2e78a hand and handed e159358dd7 me the stone 231062e8a9 again.d6cf44b89e07f7d4

I stubbornly resisted. In the fac485ec98 end, it a5be0c808b was his c12c25727b story that 501a316884 would unfold 7157566f60 as he 93d47993a4 wished. If he wanted it, 5cc6ff2bee the stone would find 5ad1c62610 its way into my 510c44848c hand.7b696f0df8b635af

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“No. You won’t be able to endure it.”2119864c3de9c013

He interrupted 3312e08560 my words.2c4d06d864e1e56c

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“And even if you try to escape, it’ll be futile. I will never let you go.”753789c6f901aef6

His expressionless 99a46285ad face was 74d426ad36 chilling. My body trembled with f9e462ecfa a cold shiver.5c4d7f7ac006aacf

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