CMT Ch27

‘…No, it’s too late.’

Seoyoon rolled over, as if trying to chase away the impulse. Checking his phone, it was past 1:30 AM. He had been wrestling in the kitchen for an hour.

‘Even if it’s not an appointed day, contact me if you want to hurt.’

Chewing over the voice that wouldn’t leave his mind, Seoyoon unconsciously brushed his lips with his bandaged fingertip. Coincidentally, the part cut by glass today was where his lips had touched.

After hesitating, his reluctant hand finally picked up the phone. Just twice. He planned to let it ring twice and hang up immediately. That much waiting could be excused as a misdial. If asked why he was making a call he didn’t really want to connect, he wouldn’t know. Perhaps he just wanted to confirm that someone who told him to call at times like this really existed.

[Director Kwon Kijung]

Finding traces of him in the call history, after repeated hesitation, he touched the call button. Ring ring, ring ring. Two rings. Seoyoon ended the call as soon as it was about to ring a third time.

His heart pounded as if he had done something he shouldn’t have. Calling someone after 1 AM was insane by common sense.

He had never inconvenienced others, even if it meant hurting himself. Even Kwon Kijung, who said to call even if it wasn’t a promised day, probably didn’t expect a call at this hour. He was a man who had said something that could be either praise or a joke, calling Seoyoon diligent. He might be displeased at being woken by a late call.

He hoped he would say he’d punish him. He’d rather that than genuine anger. Tossing and turning in self-created anxiety, Seoyoon realized he had forgotten about the kitchen incident and was only thinking of Kwon Kijung. Was this another way of covering pain with pain?

Bzzz.

At that moment, an unexpected vibration cleared his noisy mind like fog lifting. Seoyoon held his breath and stared at the phone by his pillow.

The phone was vibrating in the darkness. The caller ID showed it was the owner of the number he had just prank called and run from after two rings. Seoyoon couldn’t muster the courage to answer immediately and let it vibrate several times.

But Kwon Kijung seemed to have no intention of hanging up after a few rings like Seoyoon had, as the phone’s vibration persisted quite stubbornly.

“…Director.”

Finally, Seoyoon surrendered first. His voice was terribly shrunken. After a brief silence, a familiar voice flowed from the speaker.

“I had a missed call while I was away briefly. Is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry for the late hour. I dialed by mistake.”

“Who were you trying to call at this hour to misdial?”

“I was going to call a friend but got confused…”

“Were you the type to talk with friends at 1 AM? I’m a bit hurt you never call me.”

“No, Director, I don’t call you because I don’t want to bother you.”

Reflexively making excuses, Seoyoon closed his mouth, feeling preemptively embarrassed. He was someone who didn’t even properly reply to text messages to begin with. There wasn’t a hint of real hurt in the man’s voice as he spoke as if complaining, but this time too, he had almost let his answer drag on out of nervousness.

“I’m sorry for the late hour. It’s your bedtime.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t sleeping.”

“You must be very busy.”

“Ah, yes. The reason today’s meeting was delayed was to supplement preparation materials. I have some reports that need urgent review.”

“I’m sorry for disturbing you. The call was a mistake, so don’t worry about it.”

It was a strange thing. He couldn’t bring up what he had wanted to say to him, nor could he utter a word about the unfair incident he had just experienced or his frustrated feelings.

Yet Seoyoon’s heart was becoming calmer. Just the fact that he too was still awake on a night like this, the fact that there was someone he could talk to right now, even if it was a superficial conversation hiding all the things he really wanted to say, was enough to slowly stabilize his erratic mood.

“I’m a little hurt.”

“What? Why…”

“I don’t know what kind of secret talk you were looking for a friend for at this hour, but doesn’t it mean you have a friend who’s more reliable than a lover?”

“Not at all. I just thought it was too late.”

“I guess I’ll have to work harder to be chosen by Han Seoyoon.”

Didn’t he say he was busy? Seoyoon looked reproachfully at the phone screen displaying the man’s saved name instead of the man who wasn’t beside him. The call he thought would be ended quickly from the other side was unexpectedly continuing for a long time.

Did even someone like Kwon Kijung find overtime work boring? He was once again toying with him with unnecessary jokes. He knew that the man’s sweet words were as obvious a sugar-coating as his own blatant lie about misdialing. He also knew that there was always a harsh aftermath waiting behind his sweet words.

It didn’t matter. The Han Seoyoon who had called him needed that exact harsh moment. The desire to honestly cling to him now was probably the result Kwon Kijung had hoped for while charming him with a few jokes.

“Director.”

“Yes.”

“…Actually, it’s true that I called you. I’m sorry.”

“What’s the matter? Tell me. I’m a bit busy, but not so much that I’d ignore a call from my lover at 1 AM.”

As if letting him know he had been caught from the start, he didn’t even ask why he had lied. His cold voice became deliberately affectionate. Like a poisonous plant containing honey. If you have to lick it even knowing, you can only close your eyes.

“I remembered what you said last time.”

“Which words?”

Words he might have forgotten. It would be ridiculous if only he remembered. Seoyoon moistened his lips but had no more ability to make up stories.

“That even if it’s not an appointed day… to contact you if I want to hurt.”

“…”

“You said that… But I didn’t think you’d really answer the phone. I hung up right away, and earlier I just felt like calling somehow.”

“Are you hurt?”

Seoyoon, who had been hurriedly continuing his words, swallowed his breath at the short question that cut off his rambling excuses. Surely he wasn’t being monitored, but the man seemed to have grasped the situation, his tone resolute.

When had he been eagerly rattling off unsolicited words? Now he was cowed like a boy trying to hide an accident from adults.

“Not enough to say I’m hurt. I just slightly cut my finger by accident…”

Kijung was silent. The silence between their conversation felt like a signal trying to gauge whether his words were lies or truth this time. Seoyoon grew anxious like someone being chased. His previous words were lies, but this time it was true.

“Director, I really did.”

“Can you come out now?”

Seoyoon’s face, which had been expressionless until now, finally frowned slightly. With a faint pout, he nodded as if facing the man.

“Yes.”

“It’ll probably be 2 AM by the time I arrive, but if you’re okay with it, shall we meet briefly?”

“I’m fine with it.”

“It’s late, so we can’t stay together long… but you called because you missed me, so I should show some sincerity too. I’ll call when I arrive. Come out to the front of your house.”

“Okay.”

After hanging up, Seoyoon stared blankly into the dark void while clutching his phone. The conversation they just had didn’t feel quite real.

Kwon Kijung, busy preparing for a meeting, was coming all the way to his house to see him in the middle of the night. It was an unbelievable situation, even though he was the one who had called first. Unlike his shallow lie about mistaking him for a friend, the man’s capricious behavior of sometimes acting like they were lovers who genuinely liked each other and met was puzzling in its intent.

But it wasn’t the time to ponder Kijung’s true intentions. Even if he did, there was no way he could fathom that enigmatic inner mind. Seoyoon jumped up, turned on the light, and looked in the mirror first. His disheveled state after waking up and crouching on the kitchen floor for a while was not fit to welcome a lover who said he would come to his house.

“Oh…”

Standing in front of the mirror, Seoyoon narrowed his eyes as he discovered a thin, long blood mark on his cheek. At first, he thought blood had splattered and gently rubbed it, but it didn’t come off. It seemed a shard had scratched his cheek when the cup broke. It was such a minor wound that he didn’t even feel pain, but it was distressing given that he had to meet Kwon Kijung right away.

He went into the bathroom and quickly took a brief shower. Checking again after washing, fortunately the blood mark on his face had washed away and was not noticeable unless looked at closely. After drying his hair, choosing what to wear was another challenge. Recently, he had been wearing only clothes Kijung had picked out for work, so he was at a loss for what to wear to meet him suddenly in the middle of the night.

It might be understandable for going to work, but these clothes didn’t suit a short neighborhood night stroll. After much deliberation, Seoyoon finished getting ready by putting on the white t-shirt and jeans he used to wear before meeting him. As he was drying his hair with a towel, thinking the hairdryer would be too loud, his phone rang.

“Yes, Director.”

“I’ve arrived. I’m in front of your house.”

“I’ll be right out. Just a moment.”

About to head out immediately, Seoyoon let out a small “Ah!” and hurriedly turned back to open his desk drawer. He had almost forgotten the necklace he had taken off before sleeping.

Having never worn accessories like necklaces or rings in his life, it wasn’t as easy as he thought to fasten the clasp alone. As he was anxious and rushed, by the time he opened the door, his face was flushed red with heat.

He came down the stairs much more quietly than when he had gone down to the kitchen for water, and silently crossed the dark living room to slip out the front door. Perhaps because his heart was racing, he felt inexplicably short of breath.

He thought it would be chilly, but the night air was milder than expected, as if the season of severe temperature differences had passed. Even the lukewarm temperature felt dreamlike. Sneaking out of the house while everyone was asleep was something he had never done even in college. He had always refused his classmates’ requests to spend time together until dawn, but now…

A luxurious black sedan with a design rarely seen on the road was parked at the end of the alley in front of the gate. Seoyoon took a deep breath and approached the car. Before he got too close, the dark rear window silently slid down, revealing the interior.

“Get in.”

Kwon Kijung was there. Seeing him sitting in the back seat, it seemed he had entrusted the driving to someone else this time as well. Seoyoon hurriedly climbed into the back seat like a fugitive hiding his body. Click, the sound of the car door closing followed.

Although there was a partition separating the front and back seats, he could tell the driver’s seat was empty. The window went up again, and a blind blocked the dark glass, completely shutting out the outside scenery.

Unlike the somewhat humid and lukewarm outside with night dew, everything inside the car was in a perfectly controlled state. Fresh air, dim lighting, an environment meticulously calculated solely for comfortable tranquility. That comfort paradoxically began to slowly bring Seoyoon, who had been feeling like he was dreaming all along, back to reality.

Seoyoon looked to the side. The man who had come to meet him was sitting right next to him. Unlike Seoyoon in his t-shirt and jeans, his appearance was little different from when they had parted earlier today. Since he said he was working, he might have come from the office rather than home.