CMT Ch12

Seoyoon hesitated for a moment, then heavily nodded. He’d lived his life hearing the same things hammered into him: Don’t meet people carelessly, don’t disgrace the family, always be careful with your behavior. Because of his father’s obsession with his son’s destiny, he’d never even dreamed of having a sweet, carefree relationship with someone he loved. Now, he could only scoff at it all, thinking how pointless it had been.

He wasn’t so young as to be inexperienced, but Kijung didn’t seem surprised, as if he already knew about his adoptive father’s unusual fixation on his omega second son.

“It’s a shame your first time is like this, Han Seoyoon-ssi.”

“…No, it’s… ngh!”

Suddenly, something soft brushed against the nape of his neck, and Seoyoon shuddered. It was a few seconds later that he realized it was Kijung’s hand.

“You seem very tense.”

“No, I…”

“Relax. If your body is stiff, you could get hurt by something trivial.”

He’d already made him dizzy before they even met, and now he was telling him scary stories about getting hurt while telling him to relax. Easier said than done.

But if he really did get hurt, it would only be him who suffered. Seoyoon didn’t reply and quietly took a deep breath.

Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale. While he was trying hard to calm down and breathing deeply, Kijung’s hand was slowly stroking Seoyoon’s back as if massaging him.

It feels good, he thought unconsciously, then shivered and shook his head. This feeling was just escapism. He shouldn’t be thinking such things in his right mind.

“You can get up. This way.”

Finally allowing him to get up from the table, Kijung led Seoyoon to the sofa where he had been sitting.

They sat side by side on the sofa, but Seoyoon couldn’t feel comfortable at all. He couldn’t have called him here just to make him lie face down on the table and watch.

He hadn’t even tasted any real pain yet, but he already wanted to slump down as if all the strength had drained from his body. He was afraid of what was to come.

“Han Seoyoon-ssi seems to like being touched.”

“…I don’t know. Really.”

Kijung’s hand touched the nape of his neck again. He gently stroked it as if petting a dog. Every time his fingertips touched his bare skin, an unfamiliar sensation, whether it was ticklish or chilling, assaulted his body, making his shoulders twitch and a moan threaten to escape.

“When do you self-harm? When you’re angry? Or when you’re sad?”

“…When I’m disappointed, I think….”

“Disappointed?”

“In myself. Ah.”

Seoyoon covered his mouth and blushed. He had said there were no options other than acceptance and conclusion, but he thought it wouldn’t matter if he expressed how he felt.

“Director, it tickles when you keep touching me….”

“You have to endure it even if it tickles. Are you going to say it hurts if I hit you?”

His large hand slid down, stroking his shoulder and forearm. Was it because he had no experience of someone else’s hand caressing his bare skin like this? Even the slightest touch made his vision waver. Seoyoon bit his lip and held back the sounds that kept trying to escape.

“How do you feel then?”

“How do I…?”

“I’m curious how you feel, Seoyoon-ssi, when you cut yourself with a knife.”

It was an inexplicable curiosity. Even as he asked, Seoyoon breathed raggedly at the touch that caressed him. Could he put into words the complex feelings of that moment? Even if he explained it, would this man understand? He wasn’t confident. But he couldn’t just endure it in silence.

“When something bad happens or I make a mistake… my chest gets very tight. To the point where it’s hard to breathe.”

“Hmm.”

“But when I make a cut and see blood, I feel relieved. My noisy mind clears up too. It’s like the distracting thoughts are escaping my body….”

Why was that? As he spoke, he became bewildered himself. He had never spoken aloud about his bad habit, so he had never really thought about it carefully. He just desperately tried to ignore it, telling himself it was a bad habit and he had to fix it quickly, that he shouldn’t do it anymore, but he couldn’t correct it, and now about ten years had passed.

“I did something wrong, something very disappointing, and I’m being punished.”

Before he cut his arm with a knife, there was always another him in his head, blaming and criticizing him. A voice that only disappeared when the throbbing pain took over his body.

“Punishment?”

“Ah, because it feels like I’m being punished. So I thought maybe that’s why I feel relieved….”

“What a good boy you are to think that way.”

Seoyoon closed his mouth, doubting his ears. The sudden, childlike praise made his stomach tickle.

Then Kijung grabbed his wrist. The sudden force pulling him made his posture, curled up beside him, crumble.

When he came to his senses, Seoyoon was lying face down on Kijung’s thigh. The tension that had subtly loosened tightened again. Feeling his back stiffen, Seoyoon clenched his jaw.

“You definitely have a talent for this, Seoyoon-ssi.”

“……”

“So, do you know why you have to be punished by me today, Seoyoon-ssi?”

A reason to be punished?

It was baffling. Having no clue, Seoyoon racked his brain, trying to remember if he had made any mistakes since entering this place.

Since he was the one in need, he had tried his best not to give him any reason to find fault. He had faithfully followed the instructions sent by text message, and even before he arrived, he had been kneeling on the floor without trying to take any shortcuts. In the end, he could only offer a lame answer.

“I don’t know.”

“I told you to kneel and wait, I never told you to get up.”

“……”

“Remember. You shouldn’t act on your own before you’re given instructions.”

But wasn’t it common sense and courtesy to stand up and greet someone you’re waiting for? He wanted to argue that way, but Seoyoon swallowed the words that were about to come out. He didn’t know for sure, but he had already realized that the rules here were set by Kwon Kijung, and that those rules were far from common sense. He also realized that the compliment about being a good boy was just a sugar-coated prelude to tormenting him.

“I’m sorry.”

Kijung seemed pleased with the obedient apology without excuses. His hand stroked down from the nape of his neck to his lower back. It was a gentle touch, as if praising him, but goosebumps rose on his skin, sensitized by tension and fear. It felt like needles were rising inside his body, pricking him. Unconsciously, he flinched his waist and tightened his abdomen.

“Hng, uh….”

The hand that had stroked down his back didn’t leave. When it trailed down his tailbone and slowly rubbed his buttocks, he blinked in disbelief. His already unsteady breath was about to quicken.

Director, I want to stop. He had to use all his strength to resist the urge to call out to him, sit up, and stop everything right then and there. He clasped his hands together as if in prayer. Kwon Kijung’s leisurely voice came from above.

“Han Seoyoon, you’re going to be spanked by me from now on.”

His low whisper was the gentlest it had been so far, so much so that it was absurd. While Seoyoon bit his lip, he urged him on.

“Answer me.”

“…Yes.”

His short reply trembled. But Kijung continued as if he didn’t care at all.

“As I said last time, you can stop anytime you want, Seoyoon-ssi. But words like ‘stop’ can come out unconsciously when you’re being spanked, and if that happens, it would be awkward for you, Han Seoyoon-ssi, who came here prepared.”

Seoyoon nodded weakly, giving another short reply. He didn’t know how much the spanking would hurt until he experienced it, but it was natural to try to avoid it if it was painful and difficult. He didn’t want to lose the chance to endure more because of a slip of the tongue made reflexively.

“Let’s set a safe word. Any words come to mind?”

“No….”

“Hmm… Since it’s your first time today, shall we use a common word? How about ‘red light’? It means stop.”

“Yes.”

“If you want to stop, say ‘red light’. If you say that word, my punishment will end immediately.”

Red light. The moment he heard those words, his mind was filled with traffic lights with red lights on. While he panted softly and tried to prepare himself, a familiar voice came through the red lights.

‘You idiot, stop now!’

Do you really think Kwon Kijung will see you again after today? You’ll be beaten to a pulp and thrown away like trash. Unless he wants to have sex with you, what do you expect from a man who wants to hit you? If word gets out about this, you’re finished. You’ll be kicked out by your father, and it’ll be hard to sell you off at a high price.

The voice criticizing him rang in his head. Seoyoon tried to ignore it and squeezed his eyes shut. There was no knife here to silence the voice by cutting his skin, but there was the hand of the man who was about to hit him.

“Don’t be too scared. I’m not planning on doing anything drastic on the first day.”

Kwon Kijung’s voice and hands were gentle, closer to dry than moist. He just lightly rubbed his buttocks as if gauging where to hit, but the actual spanking hadn’t started yet.

All the nerves in his body were focused on Kwon Kijung’s hand. It felt like heat was blooming wherever his palm touched. While he held his breath and focused on the man’s feather-light tickling of his buttocks, Seoyoon felt the moment when his hand suddenly left his skin and lightly cut through the air.

“…Huu….”

Seoyoon, who had unknowingly held his breath, slowly exhaled.

Smack. With the sound, a stinging pain shot up to his tailbone, but it was anticlimactic given how tense he had been. Kijung’s hand had just struck his buttocks as if patting a child’s bottom before giving an injection.

He would have looked ridiculous if he had screamed out of fear. The humiliating situation of being on his knees, face down, getting his bottom smacked like a child was harder to bear than the pain itself. But this couldn’t be the end, so Seoyoon bit his lip and waited for what came next.

Smack, smack, smack. Kijung struck his buttocks repeatedly without further explanation. The hand that had seemed soothing at first gradually gained strength, and finally slapped his buttocks with a cracking sound.

“Ugh!”

At the sudden increase in pain, Seoyoon flinched his waist and let out a moan. The large hand didn’t stop and slapped his buttocks hard. Slap, slap, the loud sound echoed particularly loudly in the high-ceilinged room.

“Ah, ow! Ugh.”

It hurt enough to bring tears to his eyes. He had to bite his lip to suppress his body, which kept trying to twist away, even though he knew he shouldn’t avoid it. There was no time to exercise patience, his mouth opened on its own.

When his skin was burning and he was starting to get scared, wondering how long this would go on, Kijung’s hand gently stroked his heated buttocks again. Was it over? He couldn’t bring himself to ask and just caught his breath.

As the tension slowly drained from his body, Kijung finally spoke.

“Your skin is so fair, the marks show up beautifully.”

“Th-thank you….”

“You’re going to get twenty more hits from now on. Count the numbers each time you get hit.”

“…N-numbers?”

“One, two, three. Easy, right? If you forget to count or miss a number, you’ll have to start over from the beginning.”

A strange laughter tinged Kijung’s voice.

“Many people get dazed and lose their minds when they’re in pain. This way, you’ll stay alert.”

That was the end of the explanation. His hand left his burning buttocks, and before he could prepare himself, he fell into pain.

Slap! A scream erupted along with the sound.

“Aagh!”

It was completely different from before. He realized, without needing to be told, that the previous slaps were just a warm-up before the real spanking.