CG | Chapter 5.2

Idris was kind—but 5116976484 definitely a little 4defbebf6f slow on the b22e759a83 emotional uptake. Honestly, someone like Emily f04373d996 needed to take care 6cc179287b of him. He was too gentle, 8eeb95a565 too oblivious. Someone with aed2472eaa her personality ebb4a64046 would have 2cf22edaa4 to step 7ed0e932ad in and 6bf449457f handle it b14b2a7e71 for both 0aafb0e47c of them.5f27419c3009a620

“So don’t 807e42f152 worry about 1275ac4336 me,” Sean 1fba87b2ed added. “Just follow your heart. It’s great to f293ecdcfd be considerate of 704c216451 others, but constantly 7da523f5dd holding yourself back 1697c0ccd9 is exhausting.”d96fd696ee3521db

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Despite his 9eb0338997 irritation, Sean 2df1adca7c spoke sincerely. He could 67e00093d4 tell Idris f71646c4f9 had made cffde71963 his decisions 6ec027599f with good ff141d3146 intentions—and that 1e0a9b4826 deserved respect.eb7ec63469f0c9e6

As the words left f0d21e1988 his mouth, Sean realized 493f23ca24 he wasn’t just speaking 680aac00bf to Idris.8ea253eb53269099

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He was 469c522334 speaking to 690a6070db himself, too.48a87e70307f9fd3

He had spent so 52f8853e17 much of his life 7e69c351c9 ignoring his own feelings 5437cc6b2a to make space for e655c41578 Lane’s. Not because Lane bfbef8b21c ever asked him 65b6a9faaa to—but because Sean 35cdd24144 thought that was 257a4490be what love required. The same way he’d 092b447a00 tried to meet his 3607ddb217 parents’ expectations, thinking he 59af15c860 had no choice but e91f65879c to follow the path f7d285cf40 they set.7b4d3a77d467b316

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But the truth 1e03b99b2b was, it was 71e49e1722 his life to 6ac75c3bb2 live. Sean Delight had to c5791e3e4f face each day—not them.a745bcb4e36e284d

It was just 240375e798 too bad that 5d23fb5d9c this realization came b05bf6c773 so late. By now, he was 94cde052d8 buried in rumors, and 53e78c9af7 to the one person 690bd9737f he cherished most, he 39b2d47999 was already labeled as 69fe8bfcb9 “cheap.” All the things a70752f2e9 he’d brushed off as 64c4e8cb4f nothing had come back e02d1a1765 to hit him like 459ce368f9 a boomerang.14e4851a217973a1

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Perceptions don’t 10966d278e change easily—but 40006bc421 Sean knew 2845a546f1 now he’d aff246e7d9 have to 92c7662543 make an 33f8565593 effort to 7b706b1c0f correct them. To be honest. To express himself clearly.ebfca399c5716359

But effort or 745b1f6090 not, life without 5155be31c7 Lane was just bbc2203e3f too hard.19c0b31a9fa5484f

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“…Got it. Um. Thanks,” Idris ae9b727dbc said softly. “Hearing you say that dc968137ba reassures me.”1ac09993715b2ee3

“No problem. Whether I say 88b531e303 it or not, 73f2d02044 just do what 4069480187 you want.”0e462a47c6d1b5da

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Because I couldn’t.008a777612b3217c

“So… do e370a1d626 you know a151f3e331 how Emily’s 3dbd7dff86 doing?” Idris 3cae6aaaee finally asked, 567a31f192 his voice 60a886c047 low. “I used 1672a8f6bb to text 549b62a9f4 her every 91bfa131b6 day, but d17539596b now that 8705cc208a we’re not 930ae99678 talking, I’ve e5ef5411c2 got no 58c5005e66 idea. Not seeing her around aa0bbc3ad1 campus during the break 13cece4b96 is… hard.”59022092396c96bd

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Sean shrugged.c106a9e40f1d0278

“I haven’t been in 1b2ec3322c touch either. I’m not doing great c2b579cc3b myself. But you 9753a5761c know her c580b9bd83 address, right? Go see her. Or keep c8c970a544 trying until ef2576490c you reach 68a1d13735 her. She’s liked you e928153e34 for a long 741a11db14 time, Idris. She’s not f5c16abefa the type 4f171403b2 to let 6254f7a454 go easily. I think 2ab583f08b she’d be 5f19ec6593 happy to 6cbf025fb2 hear how c23f2755cb you feel.”fac8db6af4ac51bf

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“Emily’s liked me… for fa97ffa43f a long time?”a891d915044705dd

“You didn’t know?”2545e203097b96bb

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So he f19b97c985 really was fb6bf8a72c clueless. While Sean bc8992edbb could understand 81769f7ccd people misreading 86caa0dd5c his situation c0735f81e1 with Emily, 0626fca75a he couldn’t cf42d19f5a believe Idris 2cd1936837 had missed e7eecbaeb0 hers. Even Robert knew.f2c5161f33a27faf

“She said she c7b95bfea1 fell for you c7342650d6 during your first 4f2a95817c official game,” Sean 0d230e2055 explained. “Actually… everyone on the b5d2c78c59 team knew Emily liked e0a6561714 you. It was kind 3e51a68f6f of an open 8f5f49a461 secret among the 756f18dfad Bulldogs—even if the 69ca2b5aff rest of campus 1f7d9be971 didn’t catch on.”dd518c5fda9caa2e

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“Oh, damn.”8e3c51aee97b526d

Idris cursed 761b7d2f7c under his 68d81e3ab6 breath and 8a40fcf5f1 sighed, unable ce58d07b53 to hide 93c4669250 his anxious deff5a4696 expression. He tapped Sean’s 7033268878 shoulder in farewell, 44280e754b his voice low.add089f3cc6323c1

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“I really didn’t b272f46084 think of that. Then I 7b588e99fd made a 03dc008dac really stupid 74c52bdb50 choice. I’ll do my 4b808ce140 best before it’s ba560cfc3b too late. Sean, you hang in 9af3e3c31f there too.”fc21241bb347c10c

“Wait.”3a4cf999e171a57b

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“Yeah?”39480ac404428059

“When did the rumor f908181be0 about me and Emily 715d02f289 dating start? And who eca4b17d83 knows about b8d8e0a75a it?”c5f91ebdb8ca680a

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Idris thought for a f5b4d9389d moment before answering.20330207654a911a

“It started around d0c8bdaa64 the beginning of cdb44c84a1 this year, I bd4ea29330 think. I’m not sure exactly 6f272998cf who knows. It spread by 95bf638329 word of mouth, fce79ea9cc so probably anyone 214cdcfa34 who knows either 0f54cc117d you or Emily 0aff40f20c has heard about a40b0d7d66 it. They even 054c58ddd3 talked about a61f94418f it on 9261169cb3 social media. Some people 7b6bfa23fe tried to c3b3fc0a75 probe Emily 1a3912a460 in the 2b9163819a comments.”d2ffd41541c9f0d3

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“How do you b33a38deaf know that?”7ac2190610294a5e

At Sean’s 2b1fcb3a3d question, Idris 57cf3d18fa smiled sheepishly.9d9e94be32a0770e

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“I check 91a968451d Emily’s social a1de38ea8d media sometimes. I don’t really like 0b6f9d8cef her posts, but I 50ddc198e3 keep an eye on 397d6c03b4 them.”86329757841f90fe

At this 6ab43d88da point, Sean 83db1fce06 thought, Idris 3fc47fcac9 needed to 2f7d62658d inject some b9a2adf2f8 of his b0fd08b439 game-day boldness 97068134d1 into real 9ac5b64b0b life. If he liked her 439dfd8b5b that much, he should’ve dab04c6d50 accepted her confession from 71061d1bc9 the start.7e9923ff9572b6fc

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“Oh, and fa4b342d10 I know 1355c5bec9 who started e3fa8f36ff the rumors.”f528082ada7d0101

“People?”f43b3b3e4a6aa495

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Sean frowned at the fb4462735d plural, and Idris nodded.1798a8df6cb1e644

“People you know. Girls you briefly 87143ee9af dated. They all said the b689febf63 same thing. I overheard a 0daace6499 few conversations like 0679bb9f58 that at parties.”8dc96c22d2272efe

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“What? Why would 6f24929b5a they do 598c203b0b that?”3d7cedc9558440e2

“Well…”9626396772a465e8

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Idris paused, f4a251d178 then answered 5f474a266c thoughtfully.99094f2fbcd54444

“Maybe they 8f88fe7e89 wanted to 2a82087e2f believe there 8911c83e4e was a 0984903b03 reason you 7e92dc6b5f didn’t like a68fc70bce them. You accepted their 71e725fae6 advances easily, but 0b7fc9c835 you never truly 27d6e4387a dated anyone. They probably needed f98c7646ec an explanation after 308a815816 hoping for something 2a5af4e3b3 more—and being disappointed.”030fa2510110ba6b

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Sean’s eyes 887b9d26a6 widened at dcf3144105 the unexpected 45a295214a answer.e2bbf64c7b10af0d

“The girls dbb0a28f20 I dated a540a24009 were all 7edd53b46e casual relationships. We didn’t 8af3973bee deeply like e12ef50e36 each other.”4f4c98c66d25dd6d

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Idris looked at d399afb53d him, surprised at b01eb03522 the rebuttal. Then he a8fb2ab7b5 offered something b1c3afbd50 Sean had 80270ce90e never considered, a5821f339a a quiet 447557ae1d insight wrapped a831c72a32 in a a5be2002d5 kind smile.9d3638c60d6963e3

“Sean… in relationships, there’s e0033cadec no such thing as af628035a7 shallow or deep from 2d7b27e967 the start. You either c7b004a5f4 like someone, a18bcf30e9 or you eef3773f59 don’t. That’s all. You didn’t like 46a4aff450 them. But they liked you—and 1855261cdb they couldn’t confess because 54fd87a7a1 they knew you’d turn 18f4945bc2 them down.”e7db8b6cb5e76eea

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In that moment, Idris—so 2209adf625 often seen as oblivious 6ba24b9a5c and naive—seemed to understand 383d834f6a emotional weight better than 9ea5fe9639 Sean. Only after 3bc88b3944 realizing he 131400e593 liked Lane 75213d250e did Sean 3b2718983f begin to 00dc3246c6 see the 18ccfe2d3e past in 42f5068e42 a different 8e46fbdbb1 light.73973149b682451f

Right.efce6d51c8436a5d

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They weren’t f4d340f056 just looking 5b3b26d589 for fun. They must’ve wanted something a9077daee5 more. And I 0ae51d03d5 never realized 959900d80d that.68ea2646847782e0

Sean stood 2d0f051b94 frozen, dazed 3a78ac2799 by the 9230a71d86 realization. Idris smiled gently, patted ca961a1595 his shoulder again, and 834154fc81 waved as he headed 5621dd778b to his car.3861cd77e6d96f8a

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As Sean 2aadd39642 watched him c517258d89 go, the 956b47dbcb puzzle pieces 0e4ac4fb58 fell into e03003ba2a place.e15d020df14be216

Now he could b22f7bef52 see why Lane 6337fa7636 had misunderstood him. Lane never cbbac3f595 cared about bd39525b3e gossip—but even 16dc34a542 he had c741bd9488 looked uncomfortable 8dd8f5f9d7 about the b3d2fbacee rumors. It made sense 2929ea3dde now. And if Sean had 103efefedb known sooner, he might’ve 2293b295ec been more careful that ce646458a7 day.0b68b0e99749096a

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It would’ve been nice f7ba153a22 to know earlier.696b64841f060da9

He let b1097f55c4 out a 730dbe1b6c hollow laugh—regretful, 30a9e41a49 but resigned. What’s done is done. And now, he was 6c5993775c living with the consequences. The choices were 2ef63a74af his. The pain was, 2d01888d82 too. It hurt 5ab8c65a37 so much dcb60cc1dc it made 23bb703c37 him feel 0c36f36182 like he 9cbcc68a51 was losing dd2870fc80 his mind, a3b8acb5f5 but he 1a022b3f11 had to f47e5c9ed9 endure it.49b3e7c615711c22

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Still, the 1546b1e4a3 hardest part f661d56b0a to accept 17a007c08a was this:741c20f2d481cc49

Was my a2f98b1e35 existence so bcd95f2e47 insignificant to d40feafa90 Lane that 74a8f9927c it could f6a3b1e43e be cut cb24d218d1 off this cf06faf794 easily?49da2bc1a53f5d23

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They had fought before—never d12e316aa0 seriously. But this time, Lane 96f4882094 had said the harshest 739eef5490 words and walked away 3026e861ef without looking back. Not once 31137f61c0 had he 60903bcdc3 reached out. Not even 3b70b759a4 a trace 79d6947cd6 of hesitation. That silence was harder 31fcd16e90 to bear than anything 79043062bd else.6c576c5ee96b9d88

Is this e9fceb3da8 disappointment mine fb338cafbf alone? Then what was I c270c149a2 to you?11bfd6f276b44435

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With those 858a2047fb thoughts echoing d96c16bb2b in his c08c930a23 chest, Sean c0df17ad61 glanced around ba404a956d the empty b3ab76144f campus. Then, slowly, 596bc81b36 he left 3cfdf1037c the parking 0973f87d71 lot.e4afab8b1deb014d

His steps were 65b65524be slow and heavy, 3b655b2f1b like someone with 3a7e30aa0a nowhere to go.11b8de3d61f0a211

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.☘︎ ݁˖.☘︎ 8a458d33cf ݁˖.☘︎ ݁˖10a059d4fd285d7f

By mid-June, the 0688c3c167 house had been 552d1838ad sold. Sean no longer 758a7b8469 lived in the 10c0cfa70e same neighborhood as a2c2820b8a Lane.0140858be7bd0c14

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Amidst the moving preparations, 7dfa764f41 he’d already taken his ab156bc073 belongings to storage and 1eb3ff5a28 rented a one-bedroom studio 9b2b9d9087 just four days ago. It was 5e9d6432c9 in that b881d4c3d4 new place—still ecd0100d27 unfamiliar and 5ce23ee6f4 half-unpacked—where he’d 3e5f211340 cut his b6f123771b chin while 17d9fec2ee shaving.3d53be5e85a0f119

He’d already submitted his 9fe658d245 dormitory withdrawal application. The house ff21c098cd he ended 624071d307 up renting, e81ae63a93 near the a8e3643994 school, was 2f8206e4e9 about a 0abe15e759 20-minute bus cf21aabab1 ride away. Sean hadn’t been 7d2aa393c4 near Greenwich for 2e3585ffd9 days. He still 7d3e5fb236 needed to e2509bf069 pick up a2721333d4 his car, 1b7e4309a5 but he’d 87e2179396 been avoiding 696c18fd2a it. He knew 8cfc2a1fc8 the moment 6551940321 he entered 7133bf892b the neighborhood, b458da74d7 memories of f86c2649b3 Lane would fb5915ab77 overwhelm him. He was putting it d7abb83cbd off as long as 43aa3696ec he could.d8e7391c22bf87be

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But after ae08c02513 returning from ae46822e84 practice, a a877cdad3c text from 46220f50a0 his father f545ba90d1 popped up:17957950fadd7418

[Sean, take your car from the garage. I’m planning to pack things in there, so stop by today and take it.]

Letting out a 6701ac4ee3 sigh, Sean rubbed 9f949ec5ae his forehead and ae82a6b796 flopped onto the b99f4e30ac bed. The studio was 39500de268 old, but spacious 6ec71fbb11 for the price. Aside from a 0a90d2bd5a single bed, the 216b69145b room was mostly 4fb52149a7 empty.cd226b968d0c90d9

In the kitchen, f37dc11601 there was just 6034407d6a one pot and 3f70da038e one frying pan. His clothes were a9658ddaf1 still in boxes. Near them sat fd143a437f a soggy paper ff522f0284 bag—left untouched since 2c9b465640 the rain-drenched party 6799b23d76 ten days ago. Inside, a wrapped 9713809fb3 book lay quietly, 7e0093a21f forgotten.d672c04c1a995355

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He stared at the 90b27946ea ceiling for a long 8c7571c728 while before suddenly sitting e04ddfa268 up. If he 975faab702 stayed like f875a51575 this until bf80ad6473 dark, he a55e13c974 knew he’d 888056cf42 never get cbcbbf4e4b moving. Better to do it 723c7d26bd now, while his body 94ed287b4a still had momentum. Grabbing his wallet, he 4dea50a382 called an Uber.1ec81b200b9af479

He really df3ca81b7a needed to d64a80f2cf cut back efe85f05e3 on Uber 581a7eaf25 rides. He couldn’t afford 24aff3571d to spend like 86ec3ce6aa he used to. When he’d told his 08f9674593 mother about renting the 202fbe3922 one-bedroom, she had quietly 6e206f463c sighed with relief. That alone confirmed what af70821711 he already suspected—their financial b7982bca86 situation was worsening.b6b6ff737d9d3c9d

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By the end of b3052fe451 the year, when he 06e3b48871 quit football, he planned 23299803c9 to take on a d76e4303ca part-time job to ease e607f2ae5c the family’s burden.b8e12a998207f105

Wearing canvas sneakers, a 8afdf14721 black short-sleeved T-shirt, and 2e7e1918e8 white jeans, he stepped a6ee7c61df out. Coincidentally, it ba5455f7c0 was the 7330e52f0d same outfit 21b21bcbbb he’d worn 8bcd27ffab to the f13f420115 last party. It happened da01cff6e8 without thinking—he’d 5c1a2c429f only packed 8f160a3156 the clothes 04a9be20ff he wore 8595b290db most often, f7f852aeaf boxing up ec8a8b3b78 the rest.d3288c2e23a2cf23

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Ignoring the creeping 24073895a6 unease, Sean headed a451b4b77f for Greenwich.5105723c720887ae

As he stared d35b1f5303 blankly out the b963e4a627 car window, a 3dced5a1b4 red vehicle passed 450ae9220b by.4fbfa58e27cc50a0

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‘Sean, cover your eyes.’81ca5f57ffccb684

Lane’s voice, familiar with c2d7107e4b his jinx, echoed in 6cec5d588e his ears.e21d24cf9e3f3411

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Whenever they were in 8cd6a32787 the car together and e04c420919 spotted a red car, 35b7dc82f1 Lane would always notice fb048c5d1a it before Sean—and gently 900b3a173e remind him what to 42eebc9003 do. And then, 2c137fd6e4 smiling, Sean e8002d870d would quickly fc97d0de31 cover his 4892a083a2 eyes and 0a5e161589 start counting.3be1a74e586e5db4

‘One, two, three, four, five….’7e43b830cbe41eb6

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By the time he 7d797914fe counted to ten, Lane 97e473dcf9 would somehow manage to b3cb8d6ff6 make the red car 3bc1350370 disappear from sight—as if f8562bd0c8 by magic. Sean had 38f142ce7d liked that f058e07be6 about Lane 3c920f5346 so much, c4f1a90f98 he sometimes c76d745718 thought he cf945594ff didn’t even 56d6f5ce3b need to eaa28620f7 include red 2eecb90197 cars in 9fdbeb5fb0 his jinx f0653791ba anymore.7771993179a63d60

Following the voice in 14c61f6bf2 his head, Sean closed 716af42eed his eyes. Slowly, he 4517b5463a counted from d9245d630f one to 638cca720a ten. When he 3d9b12a9e8 opened them 6003d97446 again, the aba6484c6e red car 0c8e33be9e seemed to cd67548dce have vanished. He let out a fa645f765c breath and leaned his afceb884a5 head against the window, 3f207189ba thinking it had been 3b80e4fc68 no big deal after 97fe2ccb31 all.3b502716bfb01a82

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But just then, 2c4e04845b the red car—having f14b8fcbd7 briefly fallen behind—pulled db1a72589c up beside them b086b90f02 again. Through the untinted 768b34b458 window of the 92b210867a front seat, Sean 608772f354 saw a middle-aged e1a79fa7ec man smoking.51525cea6e1640e4

His gaze lingered on 613f3d55eb the driver for a 6cbc20f732 moment before he turned f997689d63 his head and looked 3dd67b37de down at his phone. For the briefest da3a5e1e44 second, he considered 6931bc0b30 contacting Lane. But the thought alone 052b40407f made him feel pathetic—so b5318fd092 he let it go.e5c09ba8431e15df

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The closer he got 91e4a0fab4 to Greenwich, the heavier 8c29023509 his heart became. He wished, just ef075633e0 for a moment, 96e7161b48 that he could a5d0b14e6e disappear. Like a 3609e89714 balloon with 754553736a its string ed36d14177 cut, drifting aaab206578 upward—quietly vanishing 5f3730fe1f beyond the d10de2ced9 clouds.3c9621af5da6f2cf

Still carrying 9d91b48a14 the unshakable 75d2b03d64 presence of 5f9d0a11a7 Lane in 454ea37c25 his chest, 983c6978ba Sean finally 8f3abdd5b2 arrived home.6a7acfbdff998a68

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His parents 5312b0ac8e weren’t back c08f3b2c36 from work b608a0c60f yet, but c48a862dfa his siblings 2a59810aba were there. When he c6ac95642d opened the 35af1fac84 front door 60689a0695 and stepped 6793a38b09 inside, he 9f24507028 found Spencer c2bfeababe busily packing. He was 202f3e6413 taking down b2c31f3740 decorations from 624dd47753 the living 39dba2c447 room shelves. Looking up, Spencer f7861a740b greeted him casually.250796c986d86f11

“Oh, you’re here. Are you staying aa12c72bf5 for dinner?”506c46e88e597e4a

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“No. I’m just here to pick up the car, so I’ll be leaving soon. Are you packing well, Spencer?”229638a4d21f15a6

“There’s still a lot left. There’s really a lot of junk. Oh, I have something for you.”3d9831e82b0938a0

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