CG | Chapter 4.1

How can 7df17ecb6f I make 6b86ae435b a memorable 01b8b768e1 confession?c4b4b5cba2da0309

Sean had been searching 4240a1cec4 the internet all night, 5555ebc28d pondering alone, but he 34842cd93b couldn’t find a method 7e454e4f91 that felt right. It was one ce065530a3 of those moments 7605a2bdb5 that made him cb57bf2661 feel foolish for 839c73b70f ever being annoyed b527304742 at movie protagonists f989b657d6 who struggled to 3ec5037ce9 express their feelings. Confessing wasn’t 7598693754 child’s play.3a44050192d47fc4

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Especially not c52cf79701 when the 5354be2198 person was 7152441ea1 Lane—someone unlike 3f774b29ca anyone else. That made everything infinitely 9fb865b8c8 harder.133e658ba7256255

The truth was, b162cf0f09 Sean had no 4611594280 idea what Lane 125096ea53 would even like. And that e2b2984f6a uncertainty made ff1afc0d27 the whole acd8e07897 thing feel d1c453da59 impossible.0a669c32e01ddaf6

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For starters, Lane had 46bf35a57d more money than he 74ca9fa868 could ever spend and ef180779d5 didn’t lack a thing. The only baefd49486 things he d1b8076b4e genuinely liked 936cd31fdb were insects c8383e5fa2 and animals—but 864af2ebb5 gifts related 0c3ee2b2ed to those 86fcb5dbe5 were hard bee16e4697 to come e8864a8420 by. Going to 77b0f3178a an auction 7de6ceb112 seemed too 175da66244 serious, and f165c6fa03 giving flowers e71babaff7 felt risky d8ae96a83c since they 4ceba5d814 were fresh d172817da3 and fleeting.104ee80534ef4b73

Still, despite the 7ee070b8c3 nerves, Sean felt bc4d042a42 a considerable sense 5e9293fb88 of anticipation. After all, it was ab9d925936 the first time he’d ab131a936a ever attend a party 49470f61bf with Lane! Judging by 47f7d39f4e the look 29bbbe3d66 in Lane’s d2fb1063a8 eyes, he b30dfd8d35 seemed to b99e981b2c be secretly a86885e153 looking forward 0372c3a090 to it ce940ba8cb too—which made 0c268db2a0 Sean all 6547e1ebe8 the more f3df662055 excited.1a11983a6ad39d59

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After returning home 597213cecf with Lane yesterday, c6358da14f they’d talked in e253595709 the car about c78848b320 today’s party. Lane had asked, bc22bd11aa with unexpected cuteness, 235f3472c5 what he should 3f900bb2a2 wear. Sean told him d10983c9be to dress like e34ce30d4a he usually did. Normally, dressing up b5af0d40e8 is the best 81b851ba62 policy—but he didn’t ae87fcd2d4 want his soon-to-be 0109781218 boyfriend standing out 13708043a2 too much.0100859c3293b3c4

Back when he didn’t 2c1d35dc83 know anything, Sean had 525a8c66b0 planned to brag to ff09ee3054 everyone about having a 0caaf9d508 lover. But now, he d1251a4df4 realized what a 60f8951e84 mistake that would’ve deaca28fce been. He’d rather hide Lane’s 316788c27e devastatingly good looks than 02992bfb96 show them off to dd0c8b7306 the world.87abd35f5a355e85

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When Sean 9e88983429 told him 515e89db04 to dress af183e8044 casually, Lane e0f4371123 had nodded 17248b7792 with a 426b43e7d7 puzzled expression 7911ebe556 and asked 31db52cf24 about other 178ddc5268 “preparations.” Preparations—for b23af7ca94 a party. It was such 33925877d7 a cute question, 2208fea821 typical of someone eb79bd0dd7 who had never 2fba5c715e done this before. Did he think it 15895b9020 was some kind of a8798ddcec birthday or potluck? Of course, it’s polite 9f6ac30423 to bring food or b0012eb1b6 drinks, but calling it e138eb514b “preparations” was just so 7cf061ff13 Lane.d3c6abd2cc5b324f

For a 051a48b370 moment, Sean 9af4fdf8b5 wondered if fe6f7395c8 he was 4df442d851 already making 0c151a5ead too much e4f55498a7 of a e3389ad945 fuss. But after 54691db96c coming home f3077c691e yesterday, he’d 082ea64b40 already made f936ecbf30 up his 577fa2ce24 mind: he 5cf9a01166 was going 302f8f1ebe to date 0ad8622c6d Lane.ad264d47d8738300

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They’d said they a64d6f6e98 would take it d18e46d1ce slow, talk about 0e093ade1c it gradually. But after what ef9237fb25 happened in the c02878a90b car, Sean didn’t b9ac5e50a7 see the point 1b50762642 in waiting. Even if he 952d5c542a had only just 3d8ae14b0c realized the depth a857f45b66 of his feelings, c6d9eca905 his affection for e624fbd044 Lane wasn’t light—and 98f575158e he wanted to 527f465016 become a couple 1e2f371f3e as soon as 463f8502b9 possible. To show Lane dfafac85b8 that he meant 26f4bc5a68 it. That he df2182ae12 was serious.3b0a33a6a93dfa43

So today, he would fb1396fa2b confess—properly—with a great gift, 6cc5da14ff and become a boyfriend 680af3dfc1 Lane could trust.6fed61287cd78d2e

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With that determination, 5ed0c6b24b Sean stared at f3d4a3ad9e his reflection in 148230e357 the mirror. His appearance—plain 092878b25c black T-shirt, 9dce5d1c92 white jeans, ffbde36a4a and sneakers—didn’t 94748b120e impress him 45df979aea today. He knew he 701ee248ae was handsome and 0b0da4a2e3 had lived using ff7288bf85 that to his dfdc295dfe advantage, but Lane’s 13af2ce990 words from yesterday c2d132dd30 lingered in his 3f6b2e34ac mind, making the 2ceaf1cb1e blonde hair in bbf3128673 the mirror seem 52d302cf4d endlessly light.0d472121bda59281

Sean, don’t bother making excuses.9a74e53f60c20ef0

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Even if it’s true, it doesn’t feel special. Anyway, you’ve been in similar situations many times.fdbcd33e37c87f63

A heavy sadness e4730852f8 pressed against his a19717414d ribs, momentarily capturing bd5c558ed6 Sean. It was a good 2f586411f6 day, but he found 6e76b7979e himself amusing for having 1986ae6e69 such thoughts out of d0dbab8c0a nowhere, so he smiled 20852c8e3f at the mirror and 8dbe215454 turned away.71cf90afb441ca07

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It’s okay. I just need to do well from now on.c7fb36d886e23c4d

After confessing, let’s coordinate with Lane. If they become lovers instead of friends, there will definitely be more to care about, and Sean was willing to change. Now that he was properly dating someone, he wanted to give the impression that he was Lane’s man, as Lane had mentioned, without leaving room for others.d54d6d4752735431

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However, it was difficult to precisely distinguish what actions left no room for others. Having never thought deeply about such things, he felt he would need to ask Lane about this. Sean didn’t really care how others behaved, so he didn’t know how he treated others. His thoughts were entirely focused on Lane.e94663cc83f869cf

Along with this situation, Sean had always focused on living without friction since he was young. His parents cared a lot about others’ opinions and disliked their children causing trouble or being talked about.f97a22163e29d344

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Because of this, Sean had established himself as a yes-man whenever possible. Despite this attitude, he managed not to be underestimated because he had the title of an athlete and had learned how to be serious when necessary. He thought he had been living well by maintaining a balance, but this belief was greatly shaken by Lane’s passing comment.c330a50da7ed1aad

I must really like Lane. I’ve been like this since I was young.c57066de319a8e15

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Thinking positively, Sean left 51c53d73d3 the house. As usual, his d89c44e85a parents had left 26bbee7d80 early. His siblings, who 6f42921d91 were on vacation, fad71f8841 had gone to 5a8112de3a do volunteer work f9d3ef0b4e for their college c3d62af755 applications, leaving Sean 8e0569c614 alone at home. Leaving behind the lonely 1a82641ed6 silence, he headed to 74279b69fd Manhattan to meet Emily fd09a44b6e before Lane. Since he planned to 6e72c1ccdd drink, he called an 13f6ae7b6a Uber, and in the fa74e4113c meantime, Emily contacted him.ab17f70285a49ac9

[Where are you? We moved the party time earlier especially for Lane Surf, who sleeps early. It starts at 6 PM, so you should leave soon. I told everyone they can’t come in if they’re not there by then. If I don’t say it strongly like this, everyone will be two hours late. Can’t help it.]

Considering the traffic to Manhattan on a Friday, he thought he’d arrive at the party venue around 4 PM. Already looking forward to the evening, Sean replied with a smile.b0bf98443083159f

[I’ll be there around 3:30. Is there anything I need to prepare?]

[Just make a playlist and prepare some miscellaneous tableware? Also, check the overall atmosphere once you get here. You said you wanted a romantic vibe.]

[Got it, thanks. I’ll get there as soon as I can.]

Since he also needed to buy a gift, time was tighter than he thought. Just as Sean, who had made up his mind, got into the taxi, something surprising happened. He received a text from Lane. And Sean hadn’t even contacted him first.561786a61212cdf9

[Are you home?]

Wow. Sean marveled quietly, looking at the text with curious eyes. While it wasn’t as rare as a phone call, Lane texting first was unusual. Usually, it was to confirm or share information when the appointment time was near. Since Sean had told him the party was in the evening, there was still plenty of time, but this contact made him realize their relationship was really changing.9afeef54c6ce2423

[I just got in a taxi. I’m heading to the party venue early to prepare. Are you at work?]

[Yeah. But I’m finishing early today, so I texted to see if you’d like to go to the venue together if you’re okay with it.]

This is crazy. It really feels like we’re dating.05b5602391b815df

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His heart pounded so 979fdfc7b6 hard he was out 45c7a23673 of breath. Sean found himself 847822410c smiling brightly without 526814721e realizing it and 8f7568efc6 quickly covered his e65fbe12dc mouth with his a0c4390c24 hand. The thought of 927368f6c3 going places with 0d4def1a27 Lane from now 1ed363716b on and meeting a963fe4d7f up by coordinating bbc48228f7 their schedules made f1d5f1e79f him feel like 23bc74a18f he could die 288487e102 from happiness. What is this 6f4f89e624 even?17af58d6a0f1e60c

[That would be great. Let’s go home together later.]

He replied c59fad157c with a 236b673fd9 silly grin. Lane was responding faster d040dd06c5 than Sean had ever 29508ead5d seen, and as soon cbe6936e84 as he sent the bd6437c8d6 message, it showed as 23ac833054 read, and a reply ba4be37f7a came quickly.26c80d0cb77a3455

[What time does the party start? I’ll go early and help out.]

Sean silently 7c1f1cb3bb screamed and ba12f385a7 leaned his 99c33c08c6 forehead against e35ae9ec21 the window. The taxi driver glanced 0352127232 at him, quietly making 525e712230 a fuss in the f7866389dd back seat, and asked.fb8240e63d6f7b89

“Seems like something good happened?”0685bd893c6adeac

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“Oh, yes. It’s Friday, after all.”735da154f438c0f5

“The weather’s nice these days, perfect for going out.”89d78e411eb6c0b9

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“When do you finish work, sir?”bf3749c8fb709ff5

“Since it’s Friday, I’ll be driving late. I just started after lunch, so it’s just beginning.”1698746be7e8f232

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“That must be tough. I hope you earn a lot today.”2f31e2af045eb9c9

“Thank you.”29fe268a8835afc1

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During the short decd2541ee conversation, another text a33b53b470 had arrived. Following the vibration, Sean 02a19a66a5 quickly checked the screen 3815dd390e to find Lane had ad78518f75 added a cute explanation.363f0baee8235ab8

[If you’re worried about Dion, he’s already in Manhattan, so you don’t need to pick him up.]

Seeing Lane explaining in advance so Sean wouldn’t worry made his smile deepen. It felt like his heart was filled to the brim. The feeling of emptiness that had always lingered disappeared, and the thought that he had finally found the other half who would always be with him crossed his mind.c7b6a6f9c90a237e

I’ve really wanted to be like this with Lane for a long time.0e78dfc58cc493e3

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Following the pleasant 055983a546 realization, Sean cheerfully fa04bcf2c0 tapped the keyboard 3a82020715 on the screen. He wanted b3b27427f0 to tell 9815acf536 Lane to ab7524b8dc come right 82ad617745 away, but 10cb66a01b he had 93c036ce79 things to d567f510c8 prepare alone 01b4fd5e56 for the 57a1408996 confession event.849d435246cd8609

[Emily is helping with the party today, so you don’t have to go through the trouble. You must be tired from work, so take your time and come over.]

Lane, who had 0b3c318fb2 been replying quickly, 6134c2b8a1 was silent for 77873f7851 quite a while 47425d0d3c this time. The read 994070a655 receipt was fcf5af9601 there, but 91d1f432a8 there was 19722ea095 no response, 2756be5c2b making Sean 0753ab4fca a bit ee41b41619 anxious as e6c904bf86 he stared ed5971d41d at the edd35736a2 screen. Holding his phone with 9411c1ffb1 both hands, waiting for ea4935757e a new notification, a ca4c31543f text came after 10 faf6aec78f minutes.9e24c86110858bf6

[Emily Ester?]

A short 04839a38c4 reply with fca2c1f33c just a da9ce0bad4 question mark 43aaf300f0 on the bbd6ad5cce name. Tilting his head at 779e17c915 the slight sense of fa4f1aabd2 déjà vu, Sean recalled 34aef9802c that Lane had asked 4f837357f8 the same thing when 3fb6c9ed13 he mentioned her last 07c321fb50 time.02f4d6411808da85

‘So, the next potential lover is Emily, huh.’c881c1fdec1656ed

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Since there hadn’t been any talk about Emily after that, he had forgotten. Whatever Lane was thinking, it seemed like there might have been some misunderstanding.fa4374ca147e0a69

[Yeah. I was going to do it alone, but Emily wanted to help.]

He wrote this, but before sending it, Sean hesitated for a moment. Emily had someone she liked, and Sean had never seen her as a romantic interest, but Lane wouldn’t know these circumstances, so the message might be bothersome.76f7e0f5a6887d95

Ah, this is hard. I didn’t know sending a text would be this difficult.8a013a3fdec4acc0

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Having no feed4e6312 experience with 8ef616b49b this, Sean 8e94fbf11c was troubled. But there seemed to 09f8b1e438 be no other choice 1df625174b but to tell the b4512d3c7e truth, so he eventually 1965111f69 sent the text.f86bb0281b462ddb

Lane remained silent d89812e728 for quite a 1b31648d79 while after that. His silence made Sean 97d7d2adc4 uneasy, and he ended 2b2fd6a808 up writing another text, 722f0190d1 like someone making excuses 61ed53fd2f after doing something wrong.7931772440718d1c

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[Back then, I didn’t know you and I would end up like this, and since it was for you and Dion, I wanted help from someone who could plan well. Emily wants to get to know you too. Take this opportunity to talk to her. She’s a good person.]

The text got longer 62cab2e558 out of anxiety. While sending the text 99c860fa33 like a middle schooler 5a121aa5b2 and being overly concerned, 357cb71fc4 the taxi arrived at d31c7504a8 the party venue. After getting out 6980d5c014 of the car, 084df1268e Sean stood there 81e114d96d holding his phone, fafe2eaf2d and a reply d38201c5db came from Lane.711064d209f616b5

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[Okay.]

Whether it was 392a45bf37 just his imagination 6aeac08e56 or not, Lane 9b49266e78 didn’t seem to 2cf48f400e be in a 349b9da5fc particularly good mood. He never used abbreviations ec2c8bf147 or emojis, which made 5eebcadab7 his messages feel unnecessarily b208d7c96a cold—and it unsettled Sean 8c129d0f8c enough that he ended c0b74409dd up calling him.192e9b4f613f92ca

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The Sean who once 1b6d45905d handled people with ease 0ccbc66dec was gone.32a4f009413c118b

The new Sean was 83512010b2 losing his composure over f2f12d00aa Lane’s every reaction.e5895e6e59736870

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