C | Chapter 8.5 | Breakdown | Crack in the Perfection

Suddenly, memories started tangling.

“No, wait.”

Wait. I was at camp that day. It was my mom who witnessed my stepfather’s murder. That’s why she had a mental breakdown…

No, wait. It was my mom who went to camp. She wasn’t home. That’s why I was alone with the body. I kept waiting, worrying it might revive. Leo had left the gun next to the body after wiping it down. I kept watch so I could grab the gun and shoot again if it moved. I delayed calling the police as long as I could… nearly stayed up the entire night…

Mom arrived the next day and cried silently. She said she was sorry for not being there. I told her I was glad she wasn’t there, because if she had been, Leo might not have gotten away safely. That’s why I…

“Wa-wait.”

A headache crept in. Ian winced and looked for Leo. Black-clad tactical units were surrounding the hill on all sides, along with suited agents in bulletproof vests and 9mm handguns.

They weren’t the police. They were CIA.

“Run. Leo, run. Hurry!”

Ian shouted through the pain and dizziness, but Revenant shook his head.

“I’m not running this time, kid.”

“What are you doing? Go! You’ve killed people!”

“Murder I don’t regret.”

The circle of police officers grew smaller, until Ian could make out each of their faces. Revenant casually dropped his gun and raised his hands, showing his palms at ear height. His other subordinates followed suit.

The suited man at the front spotted Revenant and gave a wry smile.

“I didn’t believe it when I heard the tip… but it’s you.”

He muttered a bitter greeting, something about searching for him for so long. Revenant, with a slight nod, replied, “Ah, still no promotion, I see,” by which point Ian knew it was far too late to run.

Click.

Handcuffs clicked around Revenant’s wrists. Ian, frozen, stared blankly. Leo came up beside him, touching his shoulder gently, but Ian didn’t react.

“Come on, sir. The director’s got a lot to say to you.”

The suited man turned Revenant around. “Wait a moment,” Revenant said, then approached Ian. Ian, now fully aware that nothing mattered anymore, looked up at him with darkened eyes.

“I told you it was too much for you to handle.”

Was that an apology?

With his cuffed hands, Revenant brushed his fingers through Ian’s hair.

“But it isn’t anymore. Now you can handle it. Forget everything again. Me, and the Leo you loved.”

“…….”

“Take care, kid.”

And then Revenant really did turn away. The sound of his retreating footsteps sent everything spinning again: the pain, confusion, rage, the scars and memories, and longing left by Leo.

“…Ah!”

As Revenant disappeared from sight, Ian’s headache hit him full force, and he collapsed with a groan. The police had cordoned off the scene, neatly isolating death from the everyday world. But the bloodstains were still everywhere, filling the area. Leo, seeing Ian clutching his head in agony, grabbed him in shock.

“Ian!”

Someone else stumbled up the hill, panting. It was Tim Hogan. From his expression, Leo understood that he’d probably watched the whole situation unfold after making the call.

Tim, despite his career in hacking and avoidance of law enforcement, had never turned a blind eye when it came to Ian.

“Ah!”

Ian suddenly cried out, pounding his own head with his hands.

“Ian!”

Leo held him, his own tears welling up.

“Ian, what’s happening to him?” Tim asked, alarmed.

“The headache’s starting again. Ian, Ian. Get a hold of yourself. Ian, do you have your medicine? Do you?”

Ian shook his head, clinging to Leo, gasping. Tangled memories swarmed his mind like rats, gnawing at his nerves, boring holes, leaving him in unbearable pain.

“Aaah… Ahh!”

Screaming, Ian grabbed anything he could reach, ready to hit his head with it.

“No, Ian! Don’t!”

Leo began sobbing as he restrained him.

“We promised we wouldn’t do this. I’ll call Dr. Hillen. Just hold on a little longer, Ian. Let’s go to him. No, let’s go to him ourselves and get out of here. Let’s go back to Rose-Hulman.”

Leo hugged him tightly, crying.

“Let’s go back, Ian. Let’s go back. We’ll live together again, just the two of us at Rose-Hulman.”

Leo looked up, his face wet with tears, and told Tim they needed a cab. The two of them practically carried the trembling, intermittently screaming Ian down the hill.

The dark path, though feeling long, wasn’t far at all. Tim Hogan flagged a taxi in the middle of the road as Ian screamed a few more times. Ian and Leo got in, and after hesitating, Tim squeezed in as well.

“Take us to Ains Hill.”

As Leo gave the address to the driver, the taxi started moving. Leo was still crying. Holding Ian tightly, he wept like he was the one in pain.

Aside from the occasional moan that escaped through Leo’s sobs, the taxi was filled with silence. Tim clenched and unclenched his fists, his face taut with helplessness. Though he didn’t know Ian as intimately, he, too, wanted to comfort him but found it difficult to reach out.

“Ian, Ian… You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. Don’t hurt, Ian. Please, Ian…”

Leo’s tearful murmurs continued like a prayer. As his crying slowly subsided, Ian’s groans also gradually quieted. Ian closed his eyes, and Leo, holding his breath, watched as his eyelids twitched. Eventually, the taxi left the city lights behind, merging onto the dark, empty freeway, cloaked in silence. Suddenly, Ian opened his eyes and asked abruptly.

“Where are we going?”

Both Leo and Tim screamed his name in unison.

“Ian!”

“Are you okay now? Hey, Ian. Say something.”

Ian, his gaze unfocused, pointed out the window.

“Where are we going?”

Leo wiped his face with his fist and laughed awkwardly. His tear-stained eyes curled into a crescent shape, making him look even more pained.

“Thank goodness. Really… thank goodness, Ian. We’re going to Rose-Hulman. You’re not well… so we’re…”

“If I’m sick, why are we going to Rose-Hulman?”

“Huh? Because… you’re not well…”

Ian frowned as he looked at Leo.

“Why would we go to school if I’m sick? Besides, Rose-Hulman is in Indiana, right? This isn’t the way to the airport.”

“…….”

Leo’s mouth fell open, his pupils dilated in shock. Tim Hogan, noticing Leo’s reaction, bit his lip. Even he, a stranger to their circumstances, could sense that something was wrong.

Stuttering, Leo managed to speak.

“Ian… Did you… Did you think Rose-Hulman was a university?”

“What?”

Ian, shaking his head at Leo’s strange question, replied.

“What are you talking about? Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. That’s where we met. You told me we were roommates there.”

“No, Ian.”

Leo’s face, pale in the dark, responded in a small voice.

“We didn’t meet at the Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology in Indiana.”

To Ian, Leo’s face looked like a ghost lost in despair, just as the endless road was swallowed by darkness, hiding their destination.

“It was Rose-Hulman Psychiatric Hospital.”

“What?”

Ian stared, horrified, alternating his gaze between Leo and Tim. In that moment, he understood. The people he thought were ghosts were actually real, and he was the one who had been a ghost all along.

Everything Ian had believed in shattered all at once, like the climactic twist of a movie. The difference between the movies and reality, however, was that reality’s twist came with real pain.

“Ah… Aaaah!”

Amidst the mind-ripping pain, the only thing Ian could do was lose consciousness.