C | Chapter 6.2 | Truth | Crack in the Lie

“Ian, you look like a frog.”

The voice, soft and teasing like the early morning sunlight, roused Ian from his sleep. His eyelids fluttered first in response to the sound, and soon the bright light hit his face, causing his irises to contract. Ian grimaced, shielding his eyes with his hand.

“Ugh… what’s this about?”

“Why did you sleep here?”

Ian had fallen asleep awkwardly against one wall, half-slumped over. He hadn’t gotten much sleep, as hacking through the night and the constant thoughts about the Revenant had turned his mind into mush. Now, forced awake, he felt like he was in a fog.

“…Oh, did I?”

Leo stepped out from his room, extending his hand toward Ian. Without thinking, Ian took his hand and stood up. Leo’s eyes were bloodshot and tired, clearly having pulled an all-nighter, and as Ian met his gaze, he—

“Ugh!”

Ached all over, nearly stumbling forward as he lost his balance.

“Whoa, careful.”

Leo caught him, supporting Ian with both arms. The lingering scent of a long night and sweat seeped into Ian’s nose. Fighting the twisted feeling in his muscles, Ian barely managed to regain his footing.

“Ah. Thanks.”

Instead of replying, Leo stared at him for a moment before asking,

“Ian, were you crying?”

“Huh? No.”

“Your eyes are puffy, you know.”

“I told you, no.”

“Did you just sit here and cry the whole night because I didn’t open the door?”

Ian scrunched his nose in annoyance, noticing his eyes did feel a bit swollen.

“I’m not a kid. I didn’t do that.”

“Or… was it because that guy dumped you?”

Ian’s face soured, like he’d just heard the most ridiculous joke.

“Shut up.”

“Tell me. Were you crying because of me, or because of him?”

“I wasn’t crying.”

“Who was it?”

“Shut up.”

Ian turned away, trying to escape Leo’s relentless questioning.

“Can I use the bathroom? I need a shower.”

“Answer first, then go.”

“Thanks. Where’s the bathroom? Oh, looks like it’s over there.”

As Ian made his way to the bathroom, Leo followed close behind.

“Answer me, Ian. I have a right to know—I’m a man who loves you.”

“I’ll be borrowing the razor and toothbrush. Closing the door now.”

Slam!

Ian shut the bathroom door right in Leo’s face. The bathroom wasn’t large, but it had all the luxury touches. Stripping down, he stepped into the separate shower stall next to a large whirlpool tub. He saw his face in the mirror, traces of last night still etched across it. A curse escaped him.

“Ugh… damn.”

His eyes were swollen—he looked like a big, flesh-colored fish. The realization that he’d apparently cried in his sleep was a shock, and the fact that Leo had noticed it made him feel oddly exposed. Anger flared in him toward the Revenant, whose actions had led to this humiliating morning.

“Damn it!”

As if on cue, Leo’s voice came through the door.

“I knew it! You did cry last night, didn’t you? Was it because of that guy?”

…Swoosh!

Ian responded by yanking the shower nozzle. Warm water poured over him, and he stood motionless under the stream, letting his anger wash away with the shock of his puffy eyes.

His body was a mess. Near his lip, a faint mark stood out, flanked by the distinct imprint of teeth and fingertips left in angry, unmissable bruises. It was like the Revenant had marked him as his territory, like a wild animal claiming its prey. The bruises felt like newly carved fingerprints on his skin.

“Even the craziest pervert wouldn’t do something like this… What the hell….”

Obsession. Twisted possessiveness. The marking of a beast staking its claim.

He felt like the Revenant’s half-chewed prey, stashed away in a den for future use by some big cat from the wild.

“And after all that, he just says he’ll send my things over?”

The Revenant’s parting words echoed in his ears, suggesting that feelings could change overnight.

“No. That’s total bullshit.”

It had to be. Every shower, every glance in the mirror, he’d be reminded of the night, of what had been imprinted onto his body. Nothing could change that so quickly or conveniently.

“Bullshit.”

Ian ducked his head into the powerful stream, the forceful water cascading over his dark hair. He forced his eyes shut and powered through the shower, gritting his teeth every time his gaze happened to land on his reflection in the mirror. By the time he finished, it felt like there wasn’t a single part of him that didn’t ache.

“Want some cereal?”

Leo greeted him the moment Ian dragged himself out of the bathroom. Moving slowly, Ian followed Leo’s voice to the kitchen, where a line-up of cereal boxes awaited, like an extravagant buffet.

“Pretty fancy.”

Ian stopped counting after the twelfth kind, and Leo shrugged in response.

“Couldn’t do this back at Rose-Hulman. Sit, I made coffee too.”

Leo pointed to a spot where he’d set a crystal bowl, big and round like a flying saucer, with a spoon beside it. Ian sat down as Leo poured coffee into a mug; it looked as dark as something dredged up from a sewer.

“Chosen your cereal yet? If you can’t decide, you can mix them all.”

Apparently sure of his own preference, Leo poured a mountain of chocolate cereal balls into his bowl. When the box ran out, he begrudgingly went to the oversized fridge and pulled out an identical new box.

Ian would’ve said, “That’s so you,” if he’d remembered more about Leo.

Taking a sip of the coffee, Ian immediately spat it back into the cup, then grabbed the nearest cereal box. Seeing this, Leo quickly poured milk over Ian’s cereal.

“Thanks. And for the breakfast.”

“No problem. You’re going to be my boyfriend, anyway.”

“That’s not happening.”

Before he could reply, Ian gave a soft snort.

“…It will. You’ll come back to me once you realize he’s not Leo.”

Ian chewed on a spoonful of cereal, an odd mix of black cherry, dried pineapple, and cheese balls, before asking,

“Still haven’t found out? You said last night it’d only take a few hours.”

“Got sleepy and crashed.”

Leo crunched his cereal, muttering under his breath, “NSA put up more patches…”

Hearing “NSA” made Ian drop his spoon, thinking he must’ve misheard.

“Are you joking?”

“You heard that?” Leo smirked.

“Why would I joke? I’ve cracked immigration, so why not the NSA?”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“It’s the only place left. STRATCOM might have something. Found one file tagged with Hebaulis, classified confidential.”

Ian shoved his chair back, standing abruptly.

“Stop it now! What are you even doing?!”

“It’s not my first time. Last time, I got caught because the new filtering system flagged my backdoor tunnel, but they probably didn’t fully delete it. I’ll do better now.”

Leo’s calm brown eyes had no concept of limitations. Tim Hogan’s words echoed in Ian’s mind:

“Hackers are all unhinged. They think they’re gods just because they’re online. No laws, no morals. They don’t even realize they’re crazy; they think everyone else is nuts. Tell them not to hack, and they’ll say, ‘You’re just jealous because you can’t.’”

“Leo, stop. I’m begging you. If anyone should do it, I should. I never meant for you to get involved in this.”

“I’m doing it because I want to. Nothing you say will change my mind.”

“Leo.”

“If that guy isn’t Leo, you’ll come back to me, right? Then I have to do it.”

Leo’s stubborn persistence forced Ian to repeat himself.

“No, that’s not true.”

“…What? Why? I’m all you’ve got. That ‘Leo’ abandoned you.”

“But he came back.”

It was the same endless circle. Going in circles, each trying to catch the other’s tail.

“No, he’s not Leo. He said so himself.”

“And even if he isn’t Leo, I still wouldn’t date you.”

“Why?”

“Because I like the Revenant.”

“…But the Revenant dumped you. Threw you out—over the phone, no less.”

“It wasn’t really like that. Don’t twist things.”

“Then what was it? He said he’d send your stuff over. What does that mean, then?”

“It means he’d help me if I needed anything. He wants to support me. But I need him.”

“…Ugh!”

Leo jumped up and punched across the table. Ian couldn’t dodge, so he took the hit, almost in the same spot as last night. It hurt, but somehow didn’t. Leo was crying like a child again, tears slipping down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Leo.”

Leo shook his head, scattering his tears like bubbles.

He had no idea why he softened whenever he saw Leo like this. Seeing Leo stubbornly insist, crying his heart out, stirred something tender in Ian. Through him, he realized for the first time that he could care for others.

“I’m really sorry. I mean it.”

“It’s so unfair, Ian. We were dating, so how could you like that guy instead? That’s so unfair.”

“I’m sorry. But… I don’t think we were ever really in a relationship.”

“But we were! At Rose-Hulman, we…”

“I know what you told me. But those things aren’t just for lovers, you know. I think we were friends. Close friends who really enjoyed each other’s company. I moved here when I was ten. Until I learned English, I had no friends. Kids called me a mute from Asia. After that, I had more people bothering me than trying to be my friend. So, you might’ve been my first real friend.”

“I… that’s not…”

“And maybe it’s because I was a mess after Leo left. Maybe I tried to use you as a substitute for the real Leo. But if that was all it was, I wouldn’t feel this sorry for you. I must’ve really liked you. As a friend.”

Leo seemed about to say something, then bit his lip and fell silent.

“Well, I don’t remember much, but you said you were okay with kissing and touching me. If that’s true, then I must’ve trusted you completely. I usually hate that stuff.”

“….”

“Can’t we just be friends? I still don’t dislike you. If another guy tried to act like you, I’d probably be punching him or taking him to a hospital by now.”

Seeing Leo’s busy expressions but silent lips, Ian sat back down.

“So I’ll enjoy breakfast. And I’ll think of what I owe you not as a burden, but as something I’m thankful for. If you ever need me, I’ll help you too. That would be great, wouldn’t it?”

Ian picked up his spoon. As he silently munched the now-soggy cereal, he heard Leo eating across from him. Ian couldn’t help but smile.

“And I’ll make coffee next time. Yours tastes like water boiled from tires.”

With his lips stained by chocolate milk, Leo mumbled,

“It was my special recipe.”

“It’s a bit too special. Make it for your real boyfriend one day.”

“But you said it’s bad.”

“A real boyfriend would try it once, though, right?”

Clink.

The spoon went still.

“You… You’re so mean, Ian Winchell.”

“I know I don’t have the nicest personality. That’s why I don’t have any friends. Except for you.”

“You’re mean.”

“I know. Do you hate me? That might actually be good. Then you won’t insist on being my boyfriend.”

Before Leo could respond, Ian added quietly,

“And it’d be a little sad if we couldn’t even be friends.”

“That… you…”

Leo gritted his teeth.

“You’re so sneaky, Ian. You know I don’t have any friends, either.”

Ian grinned, feeling a strange satisfaction. He understood now why he and Leo were so close at Rose-Hulman, whether as friends or something more.

“So let’s be friends, Leo Sebastian.”

“No. I’ll think about it. I haven’t given up yet.”

“If you don’t give up, we can’t be friends. And that’d be a shame.”

“Shut up. I said I’ll think about it.”

Grumbling, Leo kept munching on his cereal. Ian ate the rest of his with a quiet smile.

“You said you enjoyed our time at Rose-Hulman. I think I did too. Being with you must’ve been fun. I’d like that again.”

“Shut up and eat.”

Leo was still complaining, but Ian could tell that his grumpy tone had softened.