C | Chapter 6.1 | Truth | Crack in the Lie

The distance from the hotel to Leo’s apartment was fourteen blocks. On any ordinary day, it would be a nice walk, a stretch that Ian could take slowly and enjoy.

…Or so he thought. But he quickly realized he was kidding himself. Before he even managed a single block, Ian clutched his aching waist and hailed a cab. After giving the cab driver Leo’s address, it dawned on him that Leo might not even be home.

If that was the case, he’d either have to head back to the hotel or plead his way into the apartment with a pitiful look aimed at the guard. He figured the latter option was worth a shot.

When the cab arrived, Ian asked the guard to call up. As he sat in the backseat, he soon saw Leo dashing out to the lobby’s entrance.

Lucky break. Ian opened the car door, relieved.

The cool evening breeze grazed his cheeks. Leo, out of breath from running, extended a hand to help Ian out of the car.

“The intercom rang, scared me for a second. What brings you here?”

“It’s urgent. You got cab fare on you?”

“Of course. Just a second.”

Leo tapped on the cab’s window, and when the driver rolled it down, he handed him a fifty-dollar bill, grinning as he told him to keep the change.

“Let’s head up.”

Ian turned to follow him, muttering a bit in disapproval.

“That’s way too much for a tip.”

“So what? Seeing you made my day.”

“I just planned on borrowing twenty bucks, now I’ll have to pay back fifty.”

“Planning to pay me back for the fare? Don’t bother.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m the one who likes you more, so I should cover the date.”

“It’s not a date.”

“What?”

Leo pressed the elevator button, pouting a little.

“How is it not a date? You showed up at my place all of a sudden at this hour. Isn’t it ‘cause you missed me?”

Ian found himself feeling unexpectedly guilty as he looked at Leo’s face.

“…No, it’s not.”

“Then why did you come?”

“I need a favor from you.”

Leo’s expression softened, and he smiled brightly again.

“Then that’s fine. Guess I’m the only one on a date, then. Doesn’t matter, you’re here anyway, and I’m in a great mood.”

“…”

“Oh, here we are.”

The elevator doors opened, and Leo stepped out first. When Ian stayed put, Leo extended his hand.

“What are you doing? Not coming?”

“It’s just… I need to talk to you.”

“Sure thing. Let’s talk, come on out.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Ian took his hand. Leo firmly gripped his hand, grinning like a kid.

“Heh, I’m holding your hand. Today just keeps getting better, huh?”
“…”

Guilt weighed down on Ian’s words. As he quietly followed Leo, he couldn’t help but feel like a child throwing a tantrum. With each dragging step, he felt like a burden, barely able to keep moving without limping, as his waist throbbed with every step.

“Give me your coat, go sit down. Got your laptop? Then maybe we should sit at the table?”

Leo moved like an enthusiastic big dog, taking Ian’s jacket, hanging it up, checking his bag, watching him pull out his laptop, then moving the coffee table closer before finally guiding him to the dining table. He opened the fridge to ask what he’d like to drink, ignoring Ian’s refusals as he poured nearly every beverage he had, even milk, and then tidying up the untouched drinks.

“Leo.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

Leo’s head perked up at Ian’s voice, ears metaphorically twitching like a puppy wagging an invisible tail.

“Sit down and stop fussing. I need to talk to you.”

“Oh, right. Okay.”

Leo slid into the chair right next to Ian, rather than across from him. A whiff of fresh shampoo drifted over as Leo grinned at him.

“So? What’s this about?”

It was for the information on Revenant Matthais. He had promised to help look into it more, and now it had become urgent. If he didn’t find something soon, he felt like he might go insane. He was here to ask for help, but the words that came out were entirely different.

“…I remembered why we were together, you and me.”

Leo tilted his head slightly, a bit thrown off.

“I already told you, didn’t I? We agreed to date in exchange for hacking lessons.”

“No, it’s something else.”

Ian wanted to look Leo in the eyes, but it was hard. He’d always believed that one-sided feelings aimed his way were just a nuisance, worthless. When he turned someone down, he felt no regret, only irritation and frustration. But this time, he truly felt remorse.

“I think… I was in love with a man named Leo.”

Leo quietly listened as Ian spoke, his words trickling out slowly.

“I don’t remember who that man is. But… it doesn’t seem like it was you.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

Leo raised his brows, his eyes searching.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I feel like… I might have used you.”

“I knew that already.”

“What?”

“I knew you had feelings for a guy named Leo. You were always saying you missed Leo. But that wasn’t me, right? I still told you I was fine with it.”

Ian cautiously opened his lips, looking at Leo.

“Why’d you do that?”

“Because I liked you.”

“That’s… not right.”

“What’s not right?”

“Doing things like that just because you like someone.”

“You can do it, so why can’t I?”

Leo’s expression remained flawlessly smooth. Not because it was unblemished, but because he wore it like a shield to reflect the scars away.

“…What?”

“You found a replacement, and I became that replacement. You dated an imaginary person, and I was in a real, fake relationship. Isn’t that how it is? Either way, you were my actual boyfriend. I was the only one who could touch you at Rose Hulman. I liked that.”

“Leo, that’s…”

Leo’s warm brown eyes, as he looked at Ian’s hesitant response, grew cold, slipping like ice.

“I was all you had there. That’s why I was really happy.”

“That was… just a mistake. I liked you as a stand-in for Leo, just as you said. You were a substitute.”

“So what? Leo never came back! So I’m still the only one you have!”

Leo raised his voice, gripping Ian’s shoulders with both hands.

“We can go back to how things were at Rose Hulman. Just the two of us, you and me. Remember how much fun we had every day when you weren’t sick? We used to sneak into the lounge after it closed and spend all night together. We even used Dr. Hillen’s credit card to order new PCs for the lounge, remember? The next day, she threw a fit when all those boxes arrived from Dell. I had more fun doing that with you than when we hacked the Department of Defense website and the anti-terrorist squad busted down our door, making my mom faint. You were happy, too. You said it was lucky I was there.”

Leo clung to Ian, his words blurring in a tearful plea, though it was hard to tell who was holding on to whom.

“Please, Ian… Tell me you were happy at Rose Hulman, too. Let’s go back. I want to be with you there again. I was all you had, Ian.”

Ian took a deep breath, feeling it was time to share the hardest truth of all.

“Maybe, back then, I felt that way, too. But it’s different now.”

“Why? Just because this isn’t Rose Hulman? We can go back whenever we want.”

“No.”

The hardest thing to say, but the one thing he couldn’t avoid.

“It’s because I’ve found the real Leo.”

Leo froze, his face still streaked with tears.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I think Revenant is Leo. He didn’t say so directly.”

“That’s impossible! That guy isn’t even named Leo!”

“Yeah. The name’s different. But I feel like he’s Leo.”

“And if he really were the real Leo, then he abandoned you, only to show up now? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Sometimes… things related to Leo come back to me in fragments. They’re so tiny and faint that they’re almost maddening. But the more it happens, the more I can’t believe Revenant is anyone else.”

Leo stomped his foot in frustration.

“No, no! That’s insane! If he really were Leo, why is he pretending to be some do-gooder? You were in love with him! If he abandoned you because he didn’t like you, why would he come back acting all charitable now?”

“…He’s not just any philanthropist.”

“Of course it’s not real charity! That guy… what? Ian, you’re not saying…?”

As Leo’s face grew paler, Ian nodded.

“So, the mark on your neck isn’t an injury; it’s a bite mark? And you’re limping because of that?”

Ian’s cheeks flushed, even though he hadn’t wanted them to. He’d thought any marks on his neck weren’t too noticeable.

Embarrassingly, he realized he’d been wrong. His mouth felt numb, his voice barely escaping.

“I… I’m in love with him.”

“Ian!”

Leo, overwhelmed, pushed Ian away, slamming his fists on the table in frustration.

“Why? How can you… How can you love someone else?!”

“It’s not someone else. It’s Leo.”

“No! It can’t be! There’s no way Leo could just show up out of nowhere!”

Leo suddenly lifted his head with a determined look.

“That guy’s not the real Leo, either. I’ll prove it to you.”

The warmth in his eyes had been replaced with something sharper, fiercer. Instinctively, Ian grabbed Leo’s sleeve.

“What are you going to do? Leo,”

Leo yanked his hand free with force.

“You said I was a fake Leo, right? Fine, I was never the Leo you were in love with. But you know what? The Leo by your side was me. The person with you at Rose Hulman wasn’t that ‘Leo,’ and it wasn’t Revenant, either. And the one here with you now? That’s still me. I’ll prove it to you.”

Leo spun on his heel.

“Wait. I’ll settle this in a few hours.”

Bang!

Leo marched across the kitchen, disappearing into the room at the end of the hall and slamming the door shut. Before the door closed, Ian glimpsed several monitors set up along the wall.

“…”

Ian turned his head away from the shut door, an expression of disappointment on his face. He’d come to Leo to ask for help with Revenant’s information. Leo had said he’d look into it, and without realizing it, Ian had begun to rely on those words.

He hadn’t given much thought to Leo’s feelings. Leo had always been a figure that had just dropped into his life unexpectedly, someone he’d known for barely a few days. Leo’s childlike tears didn’t disgust Ian the way they would have with other fools.

But now, he realized he’d been completely clueless about how much of a mistake he’d made.

“Ha…”

What a mess.

He shouldn’t have gotten anyone else involved, especially not someone with feelings. To Ian, others were things that existed at a certain distance, and anyone trying to cross that line was either a fool or an idiot. It was only now that he realized Leo Sebastian didn’t fall into either category.

After sitting silently at the table for a while, Ian stood up and knocked on Leo’s door.

Knock, knock.

“Leo. I don’t know what you’re planning, but if it’s related to Revenant, please stop. I’m asking you.”

There was no response.

“I shouldn’t have involved you. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

“….”

“Leo Sebastian. Please, stop.”

“….”

Knock, knock!

“Leo. Open the door. If it’s come to this, you might as well just hit me.”

Knock, knock, knock!

“Are you listening? I know you can hear me! Open the door!”

After several more knocks, the door suddenly flew open. Leo stood there, his face still blotchy with traces of tears.

“Leo,”

And then, slap!

A hot sting bloomed across Ian’s cheek. Leo had actually slapped him, his fist clenched in anger.

“That hurt.”

Ian glared at him involuntarily. Leo pursed his lips.

“You told me to hit you.”

“…Damn it. Fine, thanks. Did you hear what I said?”

“Yeah. But I’m not listening to that.”

“Leo!”

“Just wait right here. I’ll expose every last bit of who that guy really is. Until then, don’t try to stop me. I won’t listen to a word.”

Bang!

The door slammed shut again.

Knock, knock!

Ian, losing his cool, pounded his fist on the door.

“Leo Sebastian!”

In response, loud music began blaring from inside, probably at max volume. No amount of knocking would get through to him now.

“Damn it!”

Ian swore, pacing in frustration before heading back to the dining table and picking up his laptop. He sat down right in front of Leo’s door, determined to bombard him with emails and messages.

But disrupting Leo’s work proved no easy task. Eventually, Ian gave up and shifted his focus back to finishing the job he’d accepted from Tim Hogan.

Using the network admin account, he set up a tunnel by disconnecting the IDS monitoring port, dumping the required hacking software from his local host, and extracting the needed data from the server.

With the program’s bug, he could examine all the log data on the host without leaving a trace of the tunnel. Engrossed in the results on the monitor, he didn’t even realize how much time had passed until he noticed dawn breaking outside.

“Oh…”

Only then did he realize he hadn’t informed Revenant of his whereabouts. A few days ago, when he’d acted like he was leaving, Revenant had shown up nearby, which meant he probably wouldn’t be too happy about Ian spending the night here.

“What to do…”

It was far too late to make a call. Ian hesitated for a moment before reluctantly getting up and heading for the phone. His legs and waist protested as he staggered over, sore from crouching over his laptop. After nearly stumbling several times, he finally reached the phone.

Since he didn’t know the room number, he called the hotel and, despite the front desk clerk’s polite hesitation about the late hour, gave his name and waited firmly.

So what? He’d disappeared on him without a word while Ian was asleep.

Even if Revenant answered groggy from sleep, Ian didn’t plan on feeling guilty about it.

A soft click, and then Revenant’s voice came over the line, no hint of sleepiness.

“What is it?”

His tone was as neutral as ever. It wasn’t the reaction Ian had anticipated, though he wasn’t quite sure what he’d expected.

“Well, um… I’m probably spending the night somewhere else tonight.”

“If you’re not back by this hour, I figured as much.”

He sounded indifferent. Ian’s face twisted involuntarily.

What is this?

Only then did Ian realize what reaction he’d been hoping for.

Revenant should have been waiting for him, worrying about where he was and why he hadn’t called, maybe even a little mad. If they were truly meant to be like lovers, then he should have been concerned for Ian.

If he really wanted a relationship like that.

Just as Ian fell silent, confused, Revenant’s voice cut through the line again.

“Is tonight the only night you’re not coming back?”

Instinctively, Ian’s voice turned sharp.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Are you leaving for good?”

“Why would I…”

Ian blinked, scrunching his face as he replied.

“You think I’d leave after we… after we slept together?”

“You could change your mind. After all, you’re still a kid.”

“…Ha.”

He was at a complete loss for words. He felt like punching Georg, who’d taunted him about jealousy. Revenant was just Revenant—suspicious, unreadable, and full of lies, a nameless philanthropist. They’d had sex, sure, but for him, it seemed to have been just that.

“If you plan to leave, let me know. I’ll send anything you need and look into buying you a place. I can choose something suitable if you don’t decide for yourself.”

Ian took this as a dismissal. Unable to continue the conversation, he ended the call without so much as a goodbye.

“…Ha. Damn it.”

Ian dropped onto the sofa, feeling as though he’d been discarded. His body still bore marks from last night, but it was still too soon for them to have faded. Yet here he was…

“What a grown-up, my ass. Acting all smooth and cool. Does he really think I only wanted to sleep with him for fun?”

Ian pressed a fist to his eyes, feeling tears pricking but refusing to let them fall out of sheer stubbornness.

“Bastard. If he says I’m his, maybe I should take it and leave him.”

After lying there for a while, Ian felt sleep creeping in but forced himself up. His waist ached, and he bit down on his lip from the pain. He crawled back to his laptop to finish his hacking. Luckily, he achieved root access without trouble and soon located the SSH host account.

None of this was difficult—not compared to dealing with Revenant.

Just as he accessed the development database host through the SSH host, Leo’s door suddenly flew open.

“Jeez, you startled me. Are you done with your tantrum?”

Ian asked, staring at Leo, who stood there blankly.

“No.”

Leo hesitated, then gave a mischievous grin.

“Ian, you got kicked out, didn’t you?”

“What?”

“You said on the phone he offered to pack your things if you wanted to leave. Guess he’s over you.”

Hearing Leo hit the nail on the head annoyed Ian even more than knowing he’d eavesdropped.

“No, he didn’t!”

“Oh, really? He doesn’t seem to like you that much. Just come back to me. I’ll forgive you for sleeping with someone else.”

“Back where? I don’t remember dating you, so there’s nowhere to go back to.”

Leo’s face fell at Ian’s deliberately colder words, but he didn’t let up, adding fuel to Ian’s irritation.

“You have nowhere else to go but here. Just call tomorrow and give him this address, tell him to send your stuff here.”

“That’s not happening.”

“The address is 578 Elliott Street, Apartment 603.”

Bang!

Before Ian could respond, Leo had shut himself in his room again.

“That jerk, really!”

Ian lifted his arm in frustration but immediately clutched his aching waist, stifling a groan.

And so, the night dragged on into early morning.