C | Chapter 5.5 | Lies | Crack in the Truth

Consciousness was definitely awake, though Ian just couldn’t open his eyes.

Barely mustering the remaining strength in him, Ian lifted his eyelids from beneath the sheets. The room was dim with the curtains drawn, and he couldn’t tell how much time had passed.

“…Ugh,”

Without thinking, he tried to get up, but the moment he leaned on his arm to push himself up, he slumped back down. His whole body felt like it had been thoroughly beaten.

Well, it sort of had been.

Groaning, Ian pressed his sore lower back. It wasn’t a hand that had done the beating, but still… who on earth has sex like that?

He had even said the same thing yesterday, after climaxing three times.

Revenant had merely laughed and nonchalantly replied, “Is it a bit different from what a kid might consider sex?”

Furious, Ian had tried to kick Revenant and escape, but it quickly became clear that his legs were too shaky for that to happen. Revenant had grabbed his wobbly legs and sucked on his toes.

Ian’s response was a reflexive whimper that leaked out, despite how he wished he could have cursed him instead. At that point, Ian wasn’t even embarrassed anymore; after all, everything that could be seen had already been seen, and everything that could be sucked had already been sucked.

Sex with Revenant was long, rough, and relentless; it drained every last drop of dignity and left him feeling completely exposed. But the hardest part, the most exhausting, was his constant demand, “Keep your eyes open. Look at me. Focus.”

Even as he drifted into a mindless sleep, he couldn’t forget the fact that his partner in this maddening experience had been him.

With his lower back still sore, Ian slowly pulled himself up. Expecting the worst, he reluctantly lifted the sheets, only to find, surprisingly, that everything was clean.

“…What?”

He had assumed the sheets would be a mess, covered with fluids, but they looked freshly changed, and his body was also clean—aside from the splotchy handprints and lip marks on his skin.

He was alone in the room. When he glanced at the clock, it showed half-past eight. Knowing how early Revenant usually started his mornings, Ian guessed he had already left the hotel.

Saving his strength, Ian shuffled nakedly toward the bathroom, thinking only about soaking himself in a warm bath.

Click.

And the moment he opened the door—Bam!

He immediately closed it again.

Across from the guest room Ian was using, on the terrace, Georg sat with a thin laptop perched on his lap, typing away. From his focus on the screen, it didn’t seem like he’d noticed Ian in his naked state.

Still.

Ian pressed his flaming cheeks with both hands.

This means he knows I had sex with Revenant last night.

Then again, everyone probably knew by now, but there was no reason he had to face him like this, right…?

Knock, knock.

A polite knock sounded at the door.

“Mr. Winchell, if you’re awake, please get dressed and come out.”

“…Yes.”

It looked like he didn’t have a choice. Ian, with steps more labored than before, made his way to the closet, threw on something suitable, and opened the door. Waiting for him was Georg, who had already ordered warm food for him.

When Ian shook his head, wanting to take a bath first, Georg gestured to the terrace, which was now lit by the morning sun.

“You’ve been asleep for more than nineteen hours. Eat first.”

“…What?”

Ian’s face went blank upon learning he had slept through an entire day. Normally, he would have woken up from back pain, but he hadn’t even noticed. It had probably been closer to unconsciousness than actual sleep. When Georg mentioned that a doctor had visited, but Ian hadn’t stirred even then, a sudden wave of hunger hit him.

“Re… Matthias, where is he?”

Ian asked after swallowing a piece of what seemed to be some type of meat. The tender juices spread in his mouth, mixed with a subtly sweet sauce, and didn’t require much chewing. His fork moved faster as he carefully picked out the green peas from the sauce, his discomfort driving his haste as much as his hunger.

His muscles ache so much it was hard to sit still, and he even found himself longing for the bed he had just left.

Today was going to be miserable.

Georg refilled his half-empty glass and replied, “He left on business.”

Ian had meant to ask if Matthias was okay, but hearing that he’d gone out made him feel foolish for worrying. Trying to sound casual, he concealed his original question.

“So… he didn’t mention when he’d be back?”

It was a light question, but the answer came rather gravely.

“Sir Josef’s destination is a matter of state confidentiality, even if it’s for personal business. I cannot say more, so please understand.”

At that, Ian’s lips parted slightly.

“Sir Josef?”

“The royal family bestowed a title on him last year.”

That was something he and Leo hadn’t been able to find out, even after going through the trouble of hacking the immigration site.

He should have just asked sooner.

“You’re… quite open with answers.”

“If you’d asked before, I wouldn’t have answered. But now that you know Mr. Josef comes from the principality of Hebauris, I have no reason to withhold it.”

That’s a relief.

“Oh… well, does that mean I should address Matthias as ‘Sir’ too?”

“Since you’re not a citizen of the principality, you’re not subject to punishment for failing to observe formal protocol.”

Ian’s small, straight nose wrinkled slightly.

“You can get punished for not using the right title there?”

“It’s more symbolic. The punishment isn’t severe.”

“What’s the punishment?”

“Three days in detention.”

“…I see.”

While his salad remained untouched, the plate of unknown meat was mostly empty. Raising the glass Georg had handed him, Ian asked,

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’ve already eaten. Don’t worry about it.”

“What did you eat?”

“There’s a McDonald’s across the street.”

“…What?”

“There is no McDonald’s in Hebauris.”

So after all that digging online, he’d finally heard it so easily.

What kind of place is that country, anyway?

“…That sounds like a terrible place.”

“Other than that, there’s little inconvenience.”

“I don’t believe that. It’s a place where you can get jailed for a title slip-up.”

“It can’t be helped. The principality is built around the royal family; loyalty to them is essential to all aspects of society. The law is symbolic but reflects this intention.”

“Hmm.”

Ian twirled the slender glass between his fingers, deep in thought. Even the smallest details about Hebauris, a place with hardly any online information, piqued his curiosity.

“What about Starbucks?”

“There isn’t one.”

“This is ridiculous. No Burger King or Domino’s either, right?”

“There isn’t.”

“So what do people there eat?”

“There’s plenty to eat besides American food.”

“Do they have a subway?”

“Private car ownership is very high. A subway probably wouldn’t be profitable.”

“The royals are single, right? Are they popular?”

“I wouldn’t know about that, but they certainly have wealth.”

“What about Duke Eduard? Should I call him a prince?”

“Prince would be correct, but he dislikes it, so we just call him Duke Eduard in informal settings.”

“And they say he’s really close with Matthias, right? Does that make Matthias part of the royal family too?”

“No. Duke Eduard and Sir Josef are friends.”

From what he could recall, their phone conversation seemed closer than that, though. Didn’t he say something like, “If you want to see me, come over?”

“Is he… is he gay too?”

Realizing how blunt his question sounded, Ian immediately closed his mouth, and Georg gave a brief shake of his head, seemingly sharing the sentiment.

“His personal life is also state confidentiality. Considering the international position of Hebauris, it’s not an exaggeration.”

Hebauris, with an area of 11.1 km² and a population of 4,481, was the world’s third smallest country, bordered by Switzerland, Germany, and Luxembourg. Beyond that, most of its information was classified.

“So, could I visit as a tourist?”

The moment he asked, Ian realized why he’d been so interested in trivial details about Hebauris.

He wanted to know more about Revenant Matthias Josef. Not about an anonymous philanthropist or the mysterious “Leo” from his past, but about Matthias Josef himself. And this realization meant that Ian was interested in him simply for who he was, beyond all their connections.

—Keep your eyes open. Look at me. Focus.

Every moment he focused was on Matthias. Leo remained a memory he couldn’t recall. Before their night together, Ian had believed Revenant might be Leo. At some point, though, that stopped mattering.

He liked this shameless man who had shoved his arousal in his face, telling him to “mark it as yours.”

He had grown fond of the man whose only known details were his nationality and birthdate. Despite how little he knew about him or how much Matthias had concealed, he liked him.

“…”

Noticing Ian biting his lip, Georg began to speak.

“The principality isn’t part of the EU. Foreigners need a royal invitation to enter, and transport is difficult. The airport is a private one reserved for the royal family, and only citizens are permitted to use their airline services. The closest train and bus stations are on the German border, and the roads are royal property, so foreign travelers need a pre-issued transit pass. The borders are heavily guarded, but that likely won’t concern you. If you wish to visit, I’m sure you’ll be welcome in Hebauris anytime.”

“…Why?”

“Would you consider a long-distance relationship with Sir Josef?”

“…What?”

Surprised by the sudden leap in conversation, Ian’s eyes widened, and Georg elaborated with a slightly contorted expression.

“It’s just my guess, but I doubt Sir Josef would leave you so far away.”

“That… that’s way too fast.”

Ian frowned.

“I haven’t even processed what happened yesterday. We’re not even in a relationship. It’s just sex… I mean—”

“You two had sex. Isn’t that enough?”

“…Is that part of the law there, too? Do they make people get married if they have sex?”

“There are no such primitive laws.”

“Well, then why…?”

Georg looked at Ian with that same faintly puzzled expression and gave a subtle shake of his head.

“Duke Eduard placed a bet on Sir Josef.”

“A… bet?”

“He wagered that it would happen within a month, while I bet it would never happen. When I saw the two of you dining at the restaurant where you work, I doubled my stake and reduced the timeframe to two weeks. As you can see, I won.”

“Wait, so this bet…?”

“The time it would take for the two of you to have sex.”

Ian shot up from his seat. His sore back protested the movement, but he didn’t have time to feel the pain.

“Excuse me? You bet on me?”

The fact that people he didn’t know had placed a wager involving him was irritating, but the overwhelming feeling was confusion.

“So… does that mean everyone knew who I was in advance…?”

People he didn’t know were aware of him. He was the only one left in the dark. How deeply intertwined were Matthias and his past?

“Yes. So you aren’t just a casual fling. Sex is more like a verification of your relationship.”

“That’s… that’s so one-sided. Why don’t they consider how I feel about the relationship? Do they think my opinion doesn’t matter?”

“That’s not exactly what I meant.”

Georg stood as Ian did, and he looked down at him, given their height difference, and spoke slowly.

“As I mentioned, I didn’t believe Sir Josef would ever form a romantic relationship with you. The Josef I know is not that kind of person. I thought his feelings toward you were merely excessive kindness, sympathy, and inexplicable guilt. When Duke Eduard suggested it was just ‘lusting,’ I was even a little offended. I thought Sir Josef wouldn’t behave that way. And when Duke Eduard claimed, ‘Even if he pretends to be gentlemanly, he’d jump in if the kid clung to him,’ I still believed it would never happen. Of course, that crude remark also angered me, as the Josef I know would never be associated with such vulgarity. But in the end, Duke Eduard was right, and now I, too, must accept this unsettling truth.”

Although Georg kept saying he was angered, he also seemed slightly upset at the fact that Matthias had slept with Ian. If he truly saw it as an impossible act, his frustration made some sense.

Still, Ian felt uncomfortable.

Judging by Georg’s words, it seemed like Matthias was also uncomfortable offering charity to him, based on excessive kindness, sympathy, and guilt that Georg couldn’t fully understand. Adding a romantic element likely made Ian feel more like an annoyance.

Ian felt the same way. From his perspective, Matthias’s relationship with him felt entirely dictated by some mysterious guilt, which, if he were honest, annoyed him.

If he had attempted to have sex with Matthias, it was only to understand what this damn guilt was about, not to validate his feelings or reciprocate his affections.

Still, he hesitated because he’d come to understand his own feelings toward Matthias.

He wanted him, regardless of who he was.

“What… what kind of guilt is this?”

Avoiding Georg’s gaze, Ian asked quietly.

“What kind of guilt… would be so enormous that he couldn’t reject me, even if I weren’t suitable as a lover?”

“Enormous guilt… It could be, depending on the person.”

“Stop dodging. You think Matthias only slept with me out of guilt, don’t you? You’re saying he couldn’t refuse me because he feels he owes me something.”

“It seems you misunderstand.”

Georg wore an expression that was uncharacteristically soft for his severe face. After observing him, Ian realized it wasn’t an angry expression—it was a faint, embarrassed smile, an unusual look for someone with his features.

“The truth is, Sir Josef likely didn’t even understand the nature of his own feelings toward you. I’m just relieved that he realized it before it was too late. Otherwise, I’d have been in a lot of trouble.”

“…What?”

“Remember when you almost had an accident at the restaurant where you work?”

As far as Ian remembered, nothing like that had happened… No, actually, maybe it had.

“Are you talking about Leo?”

“Yes. Thankfully, your eyes and ears weren’t injured. Forks are rather effective weapons for Sir Josef.”

With an unsmiling face, Georg added, “And I’d never seen Sir Josef act so petty before—threatening a civilian with a weapon.”

“I don’t… really understand what you’re saying. What does that have to do with us having sex?”

“Are you truly unaware?”

Georg looked at Ian with concern, awaiting his response. Ian felt a growing sense of dread about what he was about to hear.

“Anyone could see that was jealousy.”

“J-Jealousy?”

Ian should have challenged this with, “Who even gets jealous like that?” Revenant had simply suggested dinner as an apology for disregarding Ian’s feelings, but when Ian couldn’t join, Leo had eaten with him. Then, Revenant had made an overly generous offer to buy Ian a house if he needed money, and when Leo objected, he’d grabbed a carving knife and thrown it across the room.

“That’s jealousy?”

When Ian asked in disbelief, Georg nodded.

“If such incidents keep happening without the people involved understanding the reason, it would be exhausting for those around them. Knowing its jealousy could help prevent issues. So it would be best for you to avoid meeting Mr. Sebastian from now on.”

Ian’s legs felt weak as he sank back into his chair. After a moment, Georg sat down again as well.

“That’s… we just had one night of sex. Doesn’t that seem a bit extreme?”

“As I’ve said, your relationship is already established; it’s just not defined.”

Sure, to you all, maybe. Until recently, I didn’t even know Revenant Matthias existed.

His relationship with Revenant felt much like their night together—an unrelenting ride he couldn’t stop or escape.

—You can’t handle it.

Only now did Matthias’s warning before they’d had sex start to seem a bit more realistic.

“This is all… way too fast. As I said, I haven’t had the time to even think about these things.”

“No need to think about it. It’s probably too late.”

Georg’s decisiveness felt more like a push than reassurance, and it irritated Ian slightly. He wasn’t considering Ian’s feelings either.

“Think about it the other way. If I did get into a real relationship with Matthias, that would just mean even more incidents like this. Isn’t that inconvenient for you?”

“Yes, purely from a work perspective, it would be easier if you and Sir Josef had no relationship. It would be simpler for the principality and for Duke Eduard as well. But watching Sir Josef have breakfast today, I couldn’t help but think… what does it matter? To add my personal view, Sir Josef was acting far pettier than the other day. Plus, thanks to you, I won a nice little wager—about two thousand euros. I’ll just consider it a bonus for all the hassles to come.”

Georg seemed to be a very different person than Ian’s initial impression. At first, he came across as a taciturn, no-nonsense bodyguard, but now it was clear he spoke quickly in a clipped, almost sword-like manner.

“What about Matthias?”

Ian looked at Georg with a twisted expression.

“What about him?”

“Regardless of what you all think, Matthias hasn’t said anything.”

“As I said before.”

“It’s all just your assumptions. Even after we had sex, Matthias stayed the same. He didn’t tell me who he is, or what he thinks of me. I was the one who initiated things; Matthias merely responded. If he genuinely intended for us to be something more, he would’ve said something, anything, even during sex, don’t you think? Who is he, and what did he do in the past that a single night together could mean such a significant relationship?”

“…”

Georg remained silent, observing Ian thoughtfully. He only spoke again when Ian couldn’t hold back a pained groan from his sore back.

“If you intended to find things out through me, please don’t. I have nothing to tell you.”

“You seemed to have plenty to say about the principality.”

“This is different.”

“Why? The idea that Matthias’s guilt is nothing significant doesn’t seem so different.”

“Consider that my error.”

“Then make another error. I won’t tell Sir Josef.”

“Are you serious?”

“Do I not look serious?”

The frustration on Ian’s face deepened.

“Someone I don’t know shows up wanting to help me but won’t tell me why. They say to figure it out myself. The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it becomes. Forgotten memories surface randomly. My head feels like it’s going to explode, but the worst part is not knowing anything. Sometimes, I feel like a completely different person from the one he knows. I feel like I might lose my sense of self. But then someone tells me he genuinely cares about me. Sure, maybe, but under these circumstances, I’ll be scared and in pain all the time. Can you really say he cares about me?”

The reply was immediate.

“Yes, I can.”

“…Really, someone who doesn’t care about what’s most critical to me?”

“If Sir Josef knew I was saying this, he’d be quite angry, but… his silence on what troubles you is not due to personal reasons but for your sake.”

Ian’s tightly pressed lips quivered slightly.

“You expect me… to believe that?”

“Whether you believe it or not is your choice. I’m only telling you what I can.”

“Then say more! How do you know what’s best for me?”

Georg’s stern expression was reminiscent of the one Matthias often wore whenever Ian brought up his past. They were the same in that way.

“Don’t unfairly interrogate me, Mr. Winchell. Sir Josef has already said he won’t stop you from discovering the truth on your own. So, find it out for yourself. I believe it’s much better for you not to know, but as Sir Josef said, he can’t prevent you from learning on your own. Figure it out yourself. Don’t take it out on me.”

They both had the same patronizing attitude, treating him like a child. Georg’s words clawed at Ian’s pride, pushing both his resolve and independence.

He had to figure it out for himself. Even if they had sex and became something more, even if he fell head over heels for Matthias, Matthias would never reveal his past to him.

So he had to uncover it on his own. If he wanted to make this relationship real, if he truly wanted to claim Matthias for himself, he had to learn the truth.

Creak.

Ian pushed his chair back and stood up. His muscles screamed with pain at the slightest movement, making him grimace.

Damn it. Of all times.

“Thank you for the meal.”

He roughly pushed his chair back and turned to leave. Behind him, Georg asked,

“Are you going out?”

“Why?”

“Just thought you might be. I’ll get a car ready.”

Ian let out a slight, bitter laugh, his back still turned.

Don’t start claiming you care about me over something as trivial as offering a ride. That’s not what I want.

“No, it’s fine. I am going out, though.”

Georg inquired again.

“You don’t look well. Wouldn’t it be better to rest?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Mr. Winchell, please use the car. Taking public transportation in your condition is a bit much. And do you have enough for the fare?”

It wasn’t a joke, but Ian no longer wanted to ask to borrow five dollars.

“I’ll handle it myself. Don’t make me beg.”

Ian returned to his room, brushed his teeth and washed his face, slung his backpack over his shoulder, packed with his twenty thousand dollar laptop, and left the hotel.