C | Chapter 5.3 | Lies | Crack in the Truth

The headache struck suddenly.

Ian, who had fallen back asleep, woke up screaming in the dead of night. Without any warning, it felt as though a finely sharpened axe had split his brain. While he could barely manage to let out a sound, gasping for breath, someone began sanding down his split brain with a scraping motion. It felt like a massive blender was spinning inside his head. His mind was being ground down into fine powder, slowly swelling, as if to burst out of his skull.

Desperately trying to quell the sensation, Ian thrashed his head against the bed as if in a seizure.

“Ugh… ahh!”

And, right on cue, Revenant burst in. Seeing Ian in such unbearable pain, he approached him and wrapped his arms around him firmly.

“Get the medicine! Now!”

At Revenant’s shout, someone soon rushed in with a bottle of painkillers. Revenant yanked the cap off as if tearing it open, gripped Ian’s neck, and slipped a blue pill between his lips.

“Swallow.”

Revenant took a glass of water from his subordinate and held it to Ian’s lips. Ian gulped down the water, unable to think straight, and Revenant embraced him tightly to prevent him from hurting himself.

“Ugh… oh!”

Ian immediately threw up the pill he’d swallowed. Headaches always brought nausea along with them. Half the painkillers he managed to take usually ended up being thrown up without being fully digested.

“You have to take it.”

Revenant pressed another pill to Ian’s lips. Ian gagged halfway, spitting out the pill with another wave of nausea. Muttering something under his breath, Revenant placed the pill in his own mouth. With a mouthful of water, he pressed his lips to Ian’s. His fingers tightened against Ian’s nape, and Ian’s mouth opened instinctively. As the half-dissolved bitter pill mixed with water flowed into Ian’s mouth, he shuddered and tried to push Revenant away. But the more he resisted, the more firmly Revenant held him and covered his mouth.

Revenant held Ian’s cheek to keep him from pulling back. Their eyes met as their lips were locked. For a moment, Revenant’s dark eyelashes seemed strikingly vivid, more than usual.

The kiss began.

“Haah…”

Ian’s shallow breaths were swallowed up again. Revenant’s tongue slipped inside, filling his mouth. The way his tongue moved wasn’t any different from his usual demeanor—graceful and unhurried. His solid frame always exuded a calm, imposing presence. But once he started, he overwhelmed his surroundings. His tongue, pushing in without haste, dominated Ian, slowly coaxing him into submission.

Ian’s mouth fell open helplessly. His lips were sucked, and their tongues tangled. Revenant, who was steadily capturing Ian’s senses one by one, was completely like himself, yet somehow unlike himself. The kiss was as methodical as he typically was. But the fact that he was even kissing at all was completely out of character.

You’re just a kid. There’s no way I’d get turned on by you.

Amidst the searing headache and the tingling sensation of having his lips sucked, Ian could hear Revenant’s voice teasing him with a faint smile.

Yeah, I am just a kid. I’ve never done anything like this.

Revenant’s tongue started licking his teeth. The foreign sensation of someone else’s tongue probing his mouth made Ian instinctively search for something to hold onto. He wrapped his arms around Revenant’s neck and pulled him closer. In response, Revenant grabbed the back of his neck, lifting his head as Ian’s mouth opened wider, like he was ready to receive something. Revenant’s tongue delved deeper. It moved deftly, unhindered, stirring sensations Ian had never experienced before, awakening new cells along the path it traced.

Before he knew it, the sensations gained speed. What had started as a slow, leisurely tongue was now rough and intense, as if it had climbed onto something uncontrollable.

Ian’s chest heaved against Revenant’s solid frame. The trapped breath inside made his body feel hotter. Just as he felt he could no longer endure it, Revenant finally released his tongue. A small gasp of air slipped in between their parted lips, and Ian took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he met a piercing blue gaze right in front of him. The eyes looked similar to Revenant’s, yet they weren’t quite the same. The usual slow, unhurried gaze was now startlingly fast and intense. Those once cold, clear eyes were now murky, as if something was boiling beneath the surface. Without thinking, Ian closed his eyes again. Taking it as a signal, Revenant’s tongue invaded once more.

“…ah…”

A sound escaped between their sealed lips, halfway between a moan and a scream. This kiss, messier and rougher, was louder and more obscene. The tongues rubbing against each other mixed with saliva, producing a lewd, wet sound that heated his face, which was already flushed beyond control.

“Hah…”

Ian’s moans grew more wanton. His hand, which had merely clung around Revenant’s neck, slid down his back. When Ian twisted his body and pulled Revenant by the waist, he felt a distinct hardness pressing against his inner thigh.

“…!”

The kiss ended abruptly.

Ian, dazed and disbelieving, extended his tongue and licked his lips, as if to savor the lingering sensation. His lips, now redder and slightly swollen, were evocative of more than just a kiss. Even though Ian didn’t realize it, the sight was excessively provocative. Revenant stepped back completely and answered in a cool tone.

“You took the pill, so you’ll feel better soon. If you need more, don’t hesitate to let me know.”

The blue eyes had reverted to being as clear as glass, allowing nothing to penetrate. They reflected Ian’s image, trembling in a mix of forgotten pain and unspent arousal. It was as if Revenant was subtly letting him know that, for him, the kiss had its reasons from start to finish.

“Rest now.”

As Revenant got up to leave the bed, Ian’s swollen lips let slip a remark.

“You’re unfair.”

Revenant paused and looked back at him.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re Leo.”

Ian pressed his palm to his head, still bearing traces of pain, and replied slowly.

“…You don’t know much about me, just like you don’t know much about Leo. Don’t impose your thoughts on me based on a few vague memories.”

“You started the kiss.”

“You threw up the pill.”

“You could’ve just left me alone.”

“The pill must be working quickly. If you’re fine now, get back to sleep.”

“You said we could once I was eighteen.”

“Close your mouth and go to sleep.”

“I’m already nineteen.”

“Just sleep.”

“That’s why I said you’re unfair.”

Ian grinned, masking his frustration. His lips, red and slightly twisted, seemed to beg to be kissed again. Ian had an expression that would likely surprise even him if he looked in the mirror.

“If you’re Leo, then you’d understand. Leo must’ve known I loved him. He’d know that I wanted to sleep with him and all the things I said about turning eighteen. But then you ignore me, trapping me in this label of ‘kid,’ pretending not to know anything. For someone who kisses a kid like that, it wouldn’t matter if I were eighteen or fifteen. Do you remember how you sucked my tongue? Can you deny that what I felt pressing against my thigh wasn’t you? Was that just to help me take the pill? Is that another one of your ‘charities’?”

Ian’s lips, flushed and provocatively parted, revealed his tongue in a sly grin as he stared daggers at Revenant.

“Stop bullshitting. Saying there’s no way you’d get turned on by a kid? You’re a hypocrite.”

Revenant, who had been standing still for a moment, strode over and grabbed Ian’s chin. He firmly held Ian’s face in place as he murmured in a low, rough voice.

“What if I’m not your ‘Leo’? Would you still ask me to have sex with you? If you’re only guessing I might be him, doesn’t that make you just as much of a hypocrite?”

Ian chuckled, his voice laced with frustration.

“There’s no hypocrisy in being aroused. Hypocrisy is for people pretending to be polite—like you.”

The grip on his chin seemed to tighten slightly, and Ian’s chin ached.

“Why do you want to sleep with me?”

“Because I’m not a hypocrite.”

“You’re saying you want me?”

“You’re more oblivious than I thought. I’ve been like this for days now.”

After a brief silence, Revenant finally spoke.

“It’s a mistake. I can’t be Leo. Don’t treat me as a substitute.”

“Don’t make me say it twice.”

Ian batted away Revenant’s hand, and this time, he grabbed Revenant’s chin and pulled him closer.

“Didn’t I make myself clear? Just seeing you makes me hard. I don’t even need to touch you; your mere presence excites me. You treat me lightly like a kid, but it drives me crazy. Not Leo? What does that even matter now? You’re the one exciting me, right now. Right now, I can only think of you.”

Ian leaned in, locking his lips with Revenant’s. Though Revenant didn’t respond with the same eagerness, his lips were warm. Revenant allowed Ian to kiss him however he wanted and then, as Ian pulled back, he asked.

In a voice rougher than usual, he spoke, his piercing gaze like dawn breaking through the night.

“Do you even know what it’s like to be with a man?”

“Honestly, not really.”

Ian answered truthfully, his cheeks and the corners of his eyes flushed with heightened emotions.

“You could teach me. From the way you kiss, I think you’d be a good teacher. I’m a quick learner, you know.”

With his lips already slick, Ian spoke, biting his lower lip to emphasize his invitation.

“Whatever… you like.”

From the start, Ian hadn’t believed Revenant’s words. The notion that there wasn’t anything between them didn’t make sense. From the beginning, he’d felt drawn to him. Although he’d considered himself somewhat indifferent before, Ian found himself reacting just to Revenant’s gaze and breath. And Revenant was the same.

He’s Leo. There’s no other explanation.

With that thought, Ian pulled back the sheets and began slowly unbuttoning his shirt as he looked at Revenant. It was a gesture far more provocative than “whatever you like.”

And I’m going to embrace him. I’ll confirm that he’s Leo with my own body. I won’t lose him again.

As Ian’s hands revealed more bare skin, Revenant grabbed his wrist. Ian looked up at him silently.

“I’m not a hypocrite.”

Revenant murmured in a low, dangerously seductive voice.

“There’s a very good reason I shouldn’t be with you. And that reason isn’t for me, but for you. It means there will be consequences you can never take back, even if you regret it. Do you still want this?”

“Do you really think I can’t handle whatever comes from us sleeping together?”

“Yes, you can’t.”

“Why?”

Revenant lowered his head, his lips hovering just above Ian’s exposed collarbone.

“Because it means I’m about to become a real beast.”

His lips stopped at a tantalizing distance, close enough that his hot breath prickled Ian’s skin.

“Can you live with a beast?”

Revenant’s low voice grazing his skin was incredibly provocative. Ian, almost involuntarily, let out a moan and pulled him closer.

“Then do it. Like a beast.”

At those words, Revenant bared his teeth, sinking them into Ian’s collarbone, like a wild animal revealing his unrestrained desire.