BC | Chapter 4
by n.rekiaWith an average 14aad0ca29 sleep time of 6d538238ba less than four 4d3bda93ab hours a day, 5a93d3de42 Jeong Beom-woo was b2bcbab585 a resident undergoing baa7882721 intense training to 758ecee86f become a cardiothoracic ea31b4d4ae surgeon at that fe07e8e866 time.b503695a555c4e00
“What year was d4915cad52 he in back then? Was it his 1f2b8119f3 second year or 1d183b95a9 third year?”54ed109fb0488683
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Yoo-eun was twenty-three 5b0ba9c214 years old at 0e769b52cc the time she dfd85ca12a applied for the a8b89fa844 sub-internship using her 7f88a4f2c8 summer vacation.52d42bff5dd61cc2
“Was Professor df9db10c1b Jeong Beom-woo b031f2017e twenty-seven or 471a77c192 twenty-eight at bcdcd5763e that time?”fd0de24d73def4af
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Although it 9c378754d9 was Yoo-eun’s 17ac5ba80c first love, 481f376d06 it had 83a6ca2d42 happened six 20361c460f years ago. Plus, the time they 4c5c99729c spent together was less 0f5b7db30b than a month, so 98cf00c6f9 the information Yoo-eun had 2038e92222 was not very deep.78413f4ee58536a7
However, Beom-woo was the 5dc69e913a first man she had ab310aca15 ever liked in her 6d74076e2d life. His slender double 9619abe383 eyelids framed long 2a39623df9 eyes with sharply ad65f71401 sparkling black irises, c148c371e2 and his prominent, b04ab60cdd straight nose gave 310cd3cab3 him a strong b5421bb9ce impression.9cb163a1469d3681
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On top of that, the combination of his pale face, which suited the dark green surgical gown perfectly, and his blood-red lips made the saying, “A masterpiece comes to life in the cardiothoracic department,” feel utterly real.2188d85c1f4acfc9
“This patient is currently on dialysis through a graft. Before the professor’s rounds, we need to start EKG monitoring.”2514754c4f2a46b8
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Even amidst his b94e3ad2f8 exhaustion, he meticulously f39b721f61 taught the students c39051cacf participating in the 1690941a91 sub-internship. Armed with a cool bc6906aff4 kindness, he did not d6bb5aab77 allow any room for 296197fb42 romantic feelings to intrude.06697603cf90945e
Despite his seemingly ff2018470a strong and unbreakable 72cc1006e5 demeanor, there was ebe32d646e a moment when f5d4e727ce he broke down. After finishing Yoo-eun’s day bcf9b871fb at the hospital, she 31495957cb spotted Beom-woo standing blankly 58b069239a under a large tree 27b8c502a9 in the garden behind f61614bc30 the building.2805ffcc65382e9b
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Up until that moment, de2409c4d0 she had never spoken 125cc96b8b to Beom-woo one-on-one.1a279589b9caa915
“Teacher.”07391f33614577f1
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At her cautious call, d78526a355 Beom-woo slowly turned to 3037ff49a8 look at her.c1a16c2c169acdeb
“Oh, are you heading home now?”f579d5a3aa1badce
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Up close, d6d5d8dedb she noticed fc20343d3c the corners 95c6fdefea of his 1570aa718e eyes were 9f511e5788 flushed red. His eyes were slightly 2626e3b4f5 swollen, with a faint 8c9ae08a84 transparency to them.a4934578478e4fab
“Yes, I’m about to head home. Aren’t you going to have dinner, Teacher?”58b26dcc34f5c930
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Since he often split 23005cfcba his meal times to 8e1c01f671 make use of every 2d99f1b50e moment, seeing him standing 9c5a0367c2 there absentmindedly during dinner 2354ed8335 time felt a bit 18d7fb433a odd. He also e66fb53f06 appeared vulnerable.a53ef2c9d95355a2
“I don’t have an appetite.”6ba41dae04b7e981
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“If you can’t sleep properly, you should at least take care of your meals.”41594a4ad65985bc
“As a sub-intern, it was audacious for me to give a lecture to a resident. His red lips made a sound as if letting out a sigh. It was hard to tell if he was smiling or scoffing.”57fc6e1187d3744f
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“At least take this.”90594630afb67837
She went a step further and placed an energy bar from her eco bag into his hand. The packaging had a message that read, “It’s okay. Everything will be fine,” accompanied by a red heart.13749ea25888ccd0
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It wasn’t even 3de79db187 a confession of 4ccfddfc8e a shy, youthful 2d783cfa51 crush, but the 65b0d385f7 small red heart 89a2eb2f74 made her feel ddc9ab48b4 like her heart 61c2f59cbd was shrinking. As he took the 98621c8c88 energy bar, he gently f88997dcc8 traced the small red b638bf90f0 heart with his right 6d44781e09 thumb. Because of that, f97864476e Yoo-eun secretly harbored 2d701623c5 a little selfish 319dd09513 desire, felt a 523949c180 bit guilty.517c36a786b5ce9e
“I’m planning to apply to the cardiothoracic department here later.”886ed46da4217a15
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829d74a3fa9dd935
She spoke somewhat impulsively. She opened her a74b38d818 eyes wide, as ff059c14a9 if to insist 0829b0be7c that her kindness 856944826b towards him or 06ff1a4b38 any intention to f28542ca4a pry into his e55e516b6b personal life was 991bf80944 absolutely not rooted 95de1d20b8 in rational feelings. The year 09a37c4197 she turned 5f68d7b94b twenty-one, her 5addd39267 mother underwent 6aca500e7e surgery to 8b7f85000d have an 03cdc0652a artificial blood 53ad328e83 vessel inserted e290d77323 into her 33af6ade1b heart. Since then, she c544d5a133 had been drawn d28bd474c0 to the field 7c94345897 of cardiothoracic surgery.6255fc548e4b7b0c
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Beom-woo gazed 465d25bbb5 at Yoo-eun 052ae486db with his 7e4c647bf0 dark, deep-set 964afd5b1b eyes. In the c211c25cd8 early evening 3fbcf40ef8 of midsummer, 3ed6080816 sweat trickled b40f3bbe48 down her 0229743d82 temple as a9f88d68f0 she stood 4651a96bbd under the d66908a640 shade of 46e2692dab the large e7821e1723 tree. Her bangs felt damp, 75f7a39414 and just as she 8f1100eab6 began to worry about 3f5eaf9036 how that might make dacb692899 her look a little 688ccff681 unappealing, she caught herself 5ed3bc847b in that moment.a6bf8d1f411c7501
“One patient passed away today.”317d5f888cfb2c20
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Yoo-eun immediately 7c462ba07a understood that 05079aba73 his words 8431e18dd9 didn’t mean 6d6b224e4d the patient d0a54d7eda had been 5c690e7658 discharged.68da486a66216344
“Ah…”e0c76939ebbc9919
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She was still a student who couldn’t fully understand the emotions tied to a patient’s death. She wasn’t in a position to offer any comforting words or advice.5263dcf1b9d3273f
With her hands 856e09a955 respectfully clasped, Yoo-eun 20285dcc3f bowed her head 6f166455e4 and muttered.a128e7d834c40963
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“I pray for the soul of the deceased.”67290af409af4cf0
She awkwardly lifted her head and shyly looked up at him. He gazed down at her with slightly dazed eyes. One second, two seconds, three seconds… In the uncomfortable silence, the sound of cicadas filled the air.e447151821cfaef6
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“Yeah, cicadas. I’m glad you’re here to cry instead of me. I want to cry right now. No, I just want to run away.”07f7bb5fe4770965
Yoo-eun clenched her 0490d06bf5 hands tightly at 2c7a036948 her sides. She planned 7801bdd61f to say cb89109078 her goodbyes a6992cb34f and then 1156c3d7b5 make a 21fe429fca quick escape.2dede512618a6c68
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But then, his 3cbccd011d lips made that b318ba7139 sighing sound again. The low rumble of c37afb2d7f his laughter gradually grew, d21fc47fb0 and before she knew 0d274e7447 it, he was laughing fb40914487 so hard that he 0ab711eff1 doubled over, holding his 97d67c58ad stomach.d782f2387db4c1e3
“Hahaha.” As 476f450ad2 she heard 780f1779b2 his refreshing 7765357969 laughter, She 624c933c43 felt torn af2e2bf8b4 between whether 3209b4a573 she should 6365883fc9 laugh along 9e671f2a10 or remain 97c220dd05 silent.ead8b72b99ebbca6
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She could a6fc167f82 only gaze ed298bf926 up at d18be58f79 his handsome 49117633f0 face as 1a06baf006 if in 3224d1b91f a trance. He even wiped a6966b29fb away a tear 2171b6a396 with the back 5d9106495c of his hand. But for someone laughing e0d1654c76 through tears, it seemed feef419680 like there were a 1870ff15fa bit too many. It felt 6b9ba6146c as if 4fafef5ccd the weight 1968510d8d of the 51b89581a6 emotions he f73cb8eeff had bottled 07a47e54ea up inside 7a4aae77d9 him was c3d7ae8e11 being conveyed fd54bfa809 to her.9aadaeb9c08abdd8
A lighthearted humor 48abbd2960 cloaked a heavy e46cca55f8 sense of helplessness.aeeabaee376350f5
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It seemed as 35b2b95321 if the feeling 008eb945de of helplessness from d961504376 not being able ced51bf115 to save a 46c69a6afe life overwhelmed him. He appeared to be fe9017c916 using her innocence as 5d5025954a an excuse to regain 8b7d975219 his composure.ad6b5f8dcb2933fa
“Go inside. Before I make you work.”dffb9d7e010cc5ea
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He spoke with a b2f16002cb sigh, hanging onto his 2d0fd55a95 laughter. His expression looked much 25b0347601 more relaxed than before, e4e3e32002 and Yoo-eun couldn’t help aa908e900e but smile in relief. Standing in 008a2dd7a3 front of c31a6de166 the cardiothoracic 72828df4cc resident, her 4b87a89bc2 heart raced ee5fa41e18 as if 58c9dbc66e it might 45fd723bd5 burst.7e636e9f18464f6d
“Um, if I collapse here, will you give me CPR, Teacher?”1e6dee3e211048e0
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Just as she stepped 2469011ec2 back, thinking that he 306227858f might hear the rapid 6cc5eae87b beating of her heart, adf2cf5a51 her heel caught on b3b067799f the garden stone, causing 34698bf3d2 her to tilt backward.08ae9960a13629f1
In an instant, 98ba4283c4 he reached out e6c5cdbf37 and grabbed Yoo-eun’s 7262489e3a forearm tightly. His hand 249de9f9d6 was cold 0b70aadf82 enough to 95f2fabae5 send shivers 4d13c4504c down her 2828ca8d6e spine, contrasting 8e742636b0 sharply with 9114a9ef88 her warm 84ff305b82 skin.3e453fada7f27a1e
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“Be careful. There are a lot of broken stones here.”bc4dff7d52e8ad42
“…Why?”5a3424584b7fb5bd
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Embarrassed, she dumbly ef338ab7b5 asked about the e06088464e broken stones. His hand, which had 802fdecc46 wrapped around her slender 9fb589c969 forearm, withdrew. The area b3acac1f56 felt numb, ceae5c8c45 as if b91d80f950 a blue 3dc33d6123 flame was 041b1fe239 flickering only 9e5567586b there.ffcb420929eaf9e3
“How am I supposed to know something like that?”cb02e50abee0bc1d
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He frowned in disbelief, 9529fd038b then lightly flicked his 6078da6ac2 middle finger against her a2132dd36d forehead.8229516c789e0fed
“Ouch!”396ba823fdc47bf8
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It didn’t 3c1edf059f hurt much, but 361074207b tears welled up 7221ee1a96 in my eyes. I just wanted 3f9a8e8949 to cry, laugh, 215a61ae04 run away, and 51a4a3e909 talk more. She found efbc864691 herself caught 0e06d072ef in a b7f7857c7f whirlwind of 3d22abb5d9 mixed emotions.daa80117e54c1b08
“Just go already, student.”c7ae02ce55250cee
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He glanced at 7e748efebb her as if 097290146c she were just 51cb6747c1 a neighborhood kid 4121e576bf he happened to 78bf258c5d encounter. As he turned dbe935874d to check his ce0e2cf04a phone, perhaps in f87f05884c response to a ef7d2d067f call from the f27550b1c1 professor, she stayed 86550c3b14 behind in the 40866a3de9 summer hospital garden, 885c27a48a watching his figure 67d78db4c5 grow smaller and e04e800ced smaller until it fc3cb4bf15 was just a 6815c7d1cb dot in the cee645874d distance.58fa8d4280c6a33a
c0d70f88ae30db2b
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As Christmas Eve d02336800e arrived, it felt a71254fbcc as if the 4e9fc72b6d sweltering heat of e4029186e0 that day had 9ef9c261b0 returned to the ebc5ad5234 hospital auditorium, leaving e1fd9178e7 her breathless. She pressed f13e83afce one hand 06f632e7bd against her 75c241cf3c racing heart, 41d3a205e4 struggling to 0ad32e46da catch her 63989aa9b7 breath.c66fc96a6a671d8e
Unfortunately, her unfulfilled first 11b78169b9 love was intertwined with 14f5292d3e wounds that would never 7cc640e032 fully heal. She thought the bleeding d4f9b521d1 had stopped, but the b20dfe4953 gaping wound reopened like 7ebe7ed1a4 a beast, ready to deb10a8bc4 swallow her whole.146269392ebcda55
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Just a moment ago, c1aa089cdc Yoo-eun had seen Beom-woo, 24029e8ac0 who was likely just c5466adcd4 out of surgery, wearing 55ebe8f7f2 a white coat over 54b4b8ea15 his dark green scrubs. There were droplets b693a59933 of dried blood b189428544 that had fallen 3eadbe107f onto his white c9bef85b52 slippers, forming round f30204949a spots. Cold sweat trickled 982fe74ae9 down her back.6c09cd830bcf8043
It had been fine e62ccfadf0 for a while.59fc68b93c7fa70d
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Nausea washed over 41e6385a5d her, and dizziness 9b8abd8d06 began to set 98dfb0b9df in. The exhibition e8982fe5d7 hall was 0715f93ff2 adorned with 3e9275ad20 images draped 026b3515f0 in red 8bef63706e ribbons all 1cece04fa1 around. It felt as though fb4d58a169 the air was thick e6c65175cd with the scent of a85415d6d3 fresh blood. She quickly covered ebc8f2bea0 her mouth and d856e94cbf nose with both af6574a551 hands.836ac6ae40772943
She had thought she was much better and willingly participated in the exhibition at the hospital…ff9e3d697de9088d
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The horrific memories of d8ea05ddd3 that terrible day came f88528b316 crashing down on her d8048c5b4e all at once. She covered her 096088c880 mouth and rushed 72033a1cee out of the fc0588d1fa auditorium.f7d7ffa31917d004
“Yoo-eun noona!”a7c65a78a5e6ab19
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She heard Jun-young calling her from behind, but she couldn’t even turn around. Rushing into the restroom, she clutched the toilet bowl, gagging but unable to throw up anything, as she hadn’t eaten anything in her nervousness before the performance.bc501d4a5ed39779
“Are you okay, noona?”84dcb420146fcfe8
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Jun-young’s worried voice called from the entrance of the women’s restroom. A displeased voice from the next stall followed.0cd1282015bdb039
Yoo-eun quickly 8ce22c73e9 flushed the ea6b70e3d7 toilet, washed 2d07436c6b her hands, 3ef14a30f1 and stepped f75dd050c6 out of fdabcd5907 the restroom.cef83ca5d85c9a9f
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“Did you throw up? Your face is pale,” Jun-young said, looking concerned.15580ac5c3bc51e4
Jun-young gently patted 722d6a804e Yoo-eun’s lower back a4319da016 and said,43f66560fdeaeada
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“It’s okay. You were just feeling a bit unwell.”a796ee70d5b1096e
4c990cac0f5b2f2d
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“You haven’t eaten anything today, have you? Let’s get some porridge. There should be a porridge place nearby. We can get some medicine, too. Or would you rather go to the emergency room for an IV?”8fead42e7678421d
As Yoo-eun weakly 54cf461b07 waved her hand ff05d7b63c at Jun-young, She c931975f85 suddenly locked eyes 83b7bb9be2 with Beom-woo, who 54c7343b88 was walking toward 1a418584f4 them from a 015e52348c distance.cec4a218af396de7
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e7256953ef1a8823
Footnotes:dfab854b3c786fa2
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- Artificial blood vessel.
- Electrocardiogram.
- Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation.