B | Chapter 9

I didn’t know how to interpret this act. I wanted to call it rape and violence. But it was strange. The way Jae Chaeui held and embraced me after the act, kneading my chest with his large hands, patting me, rubbing our skin together until our sweat and fluids mixed, making my back and his front red…

‘I like it.’

I liked it.

The name for this feeling was elusive. Even after sifting through all the words I’d read in stolen books, I couldn’t find it. The closest name I could find was determination.

A determination I’d never felt from anyone in my life. A sense of belonging… kinship. Affection…

‘Partner?’

“Ah!”

Startled, I shouted without realizing it. I flailed my arms. I tried to push him away with my weakened hands, but my arms just flailed in the air.

So I pleaded.

“P-please, let, let me go…”

It was the first time in my life my voice sounded so pathetic. My trembling voice mixed with a hoarse, cracking sound. It was purely because I was overwhelmed by the current situation. Honestly, I was scared. Accepting Jae Chaeui without any thought, spending time blankly in his arms, not feeling like myself next to him, I couldn’t stand it for another second.

So I’m scared.

“Huh?”

Looking down at my trembling self, Jae Chaeui raised his voice. His face, which I looked up at in shock, was filled with a bright, beaming smile. Like a very happy person, he laughed with his mouth wide open and said,

“You can talk, huh? You were so quiet, I thought you were the Little Mermaid.”

His teasing joke didn’t amuse me at all. It only scared me more. I was begging in fear, and he was happy just to hear my voice, making him seem like someone I couldn’t communicate with. It felt like standing in front of a big, high wall. And that wall was about to collapse on me.

“Say more. Hmm?”

He urged, shaking my body up and down.

I felt dizzy. My head spun. Even if I forced my mouth open, no words came out. The helplessness I’d learned long ago stiffened my tongue. Like someone who had swum for too long and finally grew tired, I just let my arms hang limply.

Jae Chaeui hugged me tighter, laughing. Just purely, beautifully laughing.

“I don’t even need to see the test results. Song Morae. From today, you’re mine.”

I agreed with that statement. Even as an ignorant E-rank guide, I had no doubt he was my partner. Otherwise, how could I explain this terrifyingly comfortable determination…

Did I resent Jae Chaeui? No, I didn’t. I couldn’t muster any feelings toward him. My complaints were directed at all the Deschement staff except Jae Chaeui.

They should have warned me, told me to be careful. That Jae Chaeui was a crazy bastard…

＊＊＊

Half of my vision was white, and the other half was much brighter. Even with my eyes tightly closed, the light seeped through my eyelids, turning red. I buried my face in the bed sheets. Just the small movement of lying on my stomach made me groan.

“Ah, why is it so bright…”

Dull thoughts followed.

“What time is it… It feels like morning…”

That means I can sleep for four more hours. I’ll wake up late in the afternoon and head to work. Today’s a busy day.

Since I finished cleaning the gate yesterday, I need to visit the office to collect the remaining payment. With that money, I’ll have to appease the loan sharks. I’ll tell them to take this for now, that it’s this month’s interest…

Ah, then I have to find Jinhan Mercenary Captain. He might try to kill me when he sees me, but I have to explain or make excuses for what happened yesterday.

Everyone will be sad about Han Geon’s accident, and they’ll be shocked because of Jae Chaeui.

“…Jae Chaeui?”

I opened my eyes wide. At the same time, a strong shock, as if I had fallen into a world below, woke me up. The place I was lying wasn’t the moldy mattress of Room 302, and the sunlight streaming in was bright without the gloomy atmosphere of the Trash Village.

Turning my head, I saw the room was very clean and pleasant. A soft checkered rug covered the floor, and the window, taking up an entire wall, was chillingly transparent. The desk, television, and air purifier were all new. It was a guest room in the Deschement annex.

I quickly reached for the bedside table. I checked the visitor’s pass hanging from a purple necklace string. Behind the guest room’s card key was a temporary ID. Taking it out, I saw “Temporary Visitor Pass” at the top and “Song Morae” clearly written at the bottom. Proof that yesterday wasn’t a dream.

There were many other unwelcome reminders of reality. The lingering scent of someone else’s skin, perfume, and the night on my body… The strange abdominal pain that felt like something was knocking from inside, the headache buzzing from the back of my head, and the soreness in my shoulders and arms as if they were about to fall off. It felt like I had entered a tiger’s den and been chewed up.

The pain, resembling a cold, wasn’t the real issue. The real problem was mental rather than physical. It felt like Jae Chaeui had stirred my brain, not just my rear, with that… damn huge thing. Even after experiencing that, it seemed like I was just briefly drunk, not understanding anything about this situation, yet feeling comfortable with everything.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, basking in the unfamiliar morning sunlight, I thought. What is this strange feeling? It shouldn’t just feel good, but I felt… just good.

After a long while, I raised my hand. Then I punched my thigh with a loud thud. After a strong hit, the hazy feeling disappeared. …This isn’t the time to be doing this. I need to find out what will happen next, maybe ask the HR manager An Hui I saw yesterday. But first, I need to wash up.

Staggering, I got up and took off my clothes. I wondered what state of mind I was in to fix my pants last night. I took off my pants, crusted with either gel or semen, and my member was exposed.

…No underwear.

I frowned involuntarily. The fact that I had left my damn underwear in that room somehow felt more humiliating than what happened yesterday.

To cool my flushed body, I quickly entered the guest room’s bathroom. I used up an entire bottle of body wash, scrubbing myself from head to toe. I especially focused on my groin, holding the showerhead there until it tingled. Even while showering, I felt the hardened semen between my buttocks melting, so I washed again and again.

Still, a cloudy liquid trickled down my thighs.

“…”

My stomach hurts.

Clutching my lower abdomen, I leaned my forehead against the shower booth. The dull abdominal pain was something I’d never experienced before. I stood under the water for a long time, organizing my breathing. I needed time to gather myself from the overwhelming sense of shame.

And then I thought of cigarettes. Without even drying my hair, I came out of the bathroom and squatted in front of the pile of clothes I’d taken off. The cigarette pack came from my jacket pocket. The picture of a mouth cancer patient on it was crumpled. I took out a cigarette I’d been saving for a long time, put it in my mouth, and lit it with a lighter.

I had a certainty I hadn’t had in ten days. That this moment was the most messed up and difficult of all.

“Sigh…”

Standing naked, smoking the whole cigarette, I felt energy return. Licking the cigarette smell off my lips, I searched for something to wear.

Opening the cabinet next to the door, I found a set of white shirts and pants hanging there. The underwear and socks, wrapped in plastic, were all white. These must be clothes prepared for me. This is a guest room, and I have a visitor’s pass, after all.

Thinking that, I wrapped my naked body in the white clothes.

My reflection in the mirror looked unfamiliar. Wearing white made my complexion look paler than usual. I slapped my cheeks with my palms, then noticed the embroidery on the shirt’s chest.

The embroidery, a Möbius strip entangled with an inverted triangle, was none other than the Deschement logo. I had seen it on the tunnel on the way here and on Manager An Hui’s business card. It felt embarrassingly luxurious to wear it on my chest, but it was better than wearing my tattered clothes.

“Regardless of the test results, I should get compensation for the clothes.”

Thinking that, I glared at the mirror. My wet hair, pale cheeks, and sunken eyes looked like a ghost drowned in water.

My life was one where the only thing to rely on was my face. Thanks to my handsome face and decent build, I got jobs I couldn’t otherwise and even managed to get some credit. Even the loan sharks acknowledged that.

During the winter, when I called the so-called private finance boss “hyungnim,” asking him to wait just one more month, saying it wasn’t even my debt, he acknowledged my face. He said it was worth keeping me alive for the money.