AR Ch 6 part 1
by AnonAnemone“We’re closed for the day…”
The light on the sign was turned off, but the front door opened. When Jungsook saw that her daughter was the one who came inside, the rest of her sentence faded away.
“If you’re going to drink, do it after locking the door. What if some weird guy barged in here?”
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Jiwon walked over and pulled out a cup from the sterilizing rack. She then sat down at the table across from her mother and poured herself some soju. Her movements were very fluid, almost as if she were used to this.
“Did you eat?”
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“I’m fine with this. I’m not hungry.”
Jiwon took out some chopsticks from the nearby container and began to put some of the side dishes into her mouth. The clock behind Jiwon read 11:45. Jungsook stood up and walked to the kitchen. It was already this late, but Jiwon still hadn’t eaten dinner? A deep sigh burst out of her lips.
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“Just one roll of kimbap is fine. It’s too hot outside, so I don’t want anything warm.”
Jungsook was just about to turn on the gas stove but turned around at Jiwon’s remark. Thankfully, she still had some cold rice she was going to take home. She sprinkled some salt and vinegar onto the rice and mixed it with her hands. Then she walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out some ingredients. She also took out two slices of the cheese that Jiwon liked so much.
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“What’s the occasion? You didn’t call.”
“When have I ever called before coming over?”
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Jiwon popped a kimbap into her mouth and chewed, her cheeks bulging as she murmured. Despite her claim that she was not hungry, the two rolls of kimbap disappeared in an instant.
“What are you up to and why haven’t you eaten dinner yet?”
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“I just missed my chance to grab a meal because I was busy.”
After her husband died, Jiwon stayed outside for most of the day. Ultimately, she moved out and lived by herself. Although she called it independence, it was no different from an escape. Jungsook was unable to leave the house because it held traces of her husband down to the nails he’d hammered into the walls. However, her daughter was tortured by the memories that remained in the house.
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Whether Jiwon was reluctant to see the traces left behind by those who left the house or whether she just didn’t want to see Jungsook’s face, Jungsook still wasn’t sure.
“Just stay here and help me with the shop. I’ll stop badgering you to get married.”
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Jungsook didn’t know her daughter any better than a stranger did. Within two years after moving out, Jiwon passed her exam and entered the police academy. Her daughter was smarter than she was and had a much stronger willpower.
The first time Jiwon was assigned to a precinct in a dangerous area, Jungsook found out much later than others, and she went berserk. She closed her shop and ran to her. Without another word, she tried to drag her out, but Jiwon stood her ground.
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“Are you trying to kill me twice?!!”
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“You’re not the one who died, Mom. It was Dad.”
“Jiwon…!”
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“Don’t worry. I won’t jump into a situation that I can’t handle and die a stupid death like him, so…!”
For the first time in her life, she slapped her daughter across the cheek. Jungsook clenched her trembling hand and cried on the whole train ride home. Having realized that she couldn’t do anything about her daughter’s stubborn streak, Jungsook did not say another word to her.
After that, Jiwon moved to the traffic patrol division, but that did not mean her worries for her daughter’s wellbeing went away. After dreaming of the night she saw her husband’s corpse, his cheek still warm to the touch, to this day, Jungsook would wake up and search for some liquor. In the past, she’d only been able to drink half a can of beer. But after ten years of this, her drinking capacity had doubled.
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“Mom, I met Seokju.”
Jungsook’s hand froze as she picked up a new bottle of soju. Crinkle. Jiwon took the bottle from Jungsook’s hand and opened the cap before pouring some soju into her mother’s cup.
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Jungsook was at a loss for words and gulped back the soju in her cup. Then she slowly began to open her mouth. The time had finally come.
“I see.”
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“You’ve met him before, right? After that time…”
Jungsook clenched her trembling hands. Her daughter’s eyes were large and clear as she gazed at her. She could not lie.
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“…Yes.”
Jiwon’s eyes tensed as she drew in a deep breath. She could see her mother’s lips tighten with apprehension.
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“How many times?”
“Twice… No, I guess it’s three times if I include the time we brushed past each other.”
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“…Why didn’t you tell me?”
Jiwon’s voice trembled in disbelief.
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“Is that what Seokju said? Did he say he was disappointed?”
Jiwon raised her voice.
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“Do you think he’s the type of guy to say something like that with his own lips?”
“That’s true… I guess not.”
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She couldn’t imagine Seokju ever talking about himself with his own mouth. As Jungsook mocked herself, Jiwon violently swept back her long hair. At the peak of her youth, her daughter was so pretty that people in the neighborhood still inquired after her to this day. However, Jiwon herself did not pay any attention to dating and getting married.
Jungsook wondered what Seokju thought when he saw Jiwon after all these years, living like a crumpled paper on the streets. Did he pity her like she did? No, if it were him, he might have expected it all along.
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“Jiwon, I had surgery.”
“…What?”
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Jiwon’s eyes widened in shock. Jungsook did her best to calm her trembling voice.
“Well, nowadays, it’s quite common.”
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“…When did this happen?”
Jiwon’s lips silently trembled.
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“It was a long time ago. I’m okay now. My follow-up appointments were all good, and…”
“Just where and how were you hurt? Why didn’t you tell me anything?!!”
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Jiwon’s eyes reddened and grew damp with tears as she shouted out.
“Aigoo, that temper of yours…”
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Seokju left their house the day of her husband’s funeral and returned three years later in the wintertime. After Jiwon entered the police force and they had a huge fight, there was a period of time when they didn’t speak to each other as they cooled off. A cold new year had come, and Seokju appeared at her side.
“He came to visit me on New Year’s Day and handed me an envelope. He said that he came back from his mandatory military service and began working. For having only worked half a year at that point, the envelope was quite fat. Well, Seokju was always bound to live well wherever he ended up, so I guess that wasn’t so strange. Even if he ended up working at a construction site, he would have caught the eyes of the higher-ups anyway.”
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“…And then?”
Jungsook caught the sliver of hope in her daughter’s voice and swallowed a sigh. Jiwon’s eyes seemed to ask, ‘You didn’t take it, did you?’ Seeing this, Jungsook’s heart began to hurt. However, she could not avoid this. She bitterly opened her mouth and gulped down another cup of soju.
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“Of course it would have made more sense not to take it. Just thinking about all those horrible things I said to him, I should have pushed it away and told him I didn’t need it. But… Back then… It was right after I was diagnosed with cancer.”
“……”
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“I was honest with Seokju. I was thinking about closing the stop, but if I took this money, it would be enough to hire someone to keep the stop open while I was getting treatment. The money in the envelope was too much to take as repayment for letting him sleep and eat in our house for merely one year… but I took it, Jiwon.”
Jungsook’s hand trembled as it clenched around the empty cup. Jiwon’s eyes were wide as they began to grow damp. Jungsook saw that Jiwon was clenching her teeth and doing her best to hold back her tears, and she did not want to cry in front of her daughter like this. However, she felt the rims of her eyes grow hot.
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“I’m not sure how he came to learn about my surgery date, but he was at the hospital that day. Seokju, that rascal… You know how he can be, right?”
He was more indifferent and steady than the doctors. Just imagining his face in that moment made her eyes redden, but a smile formed on her lips all the same.
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“He told me that even people who cut everything out can eat good food and live good lives. That the survival rate of cancer patients is increasing at a surprising speed these days… He continued to explain everything from one to ten with that annoying tone of voice he has… But it brought me such relief. Even more so because I know he’s not the type of person to say empty words. But looking back now, I came to realize… That was his way of consoling me… of cheering me on.”
Back then, she had been so swept up with her own situation that she had not stopped to analyze someone else’s truth. Jungsook pulled out a napkin from the dispenser on the wall and blew her nose.
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“After I went into the operating room and came back out, after I woke up from the anesthesia, I found myself in a VIP room of the hospital. It even had a private caregiver. I’m not sure what kinds of strings Seokju pulled, but during the time I received chemotherapy, I was lacking nothing. Even a rich person would not have complained if they were given what I was given.”
“…Why didn’t you tell me?”
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Jiwon listened with trembling eyes before finally opening her lips.
“Seokju told me not to say anything about him to you, so…”
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“Not about Seokju! Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?!”
“Jiwon…”
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“I’m your daughter. So why didn’t you tell me?!”
Ultimately, Jiwon buried her face in her hands as tears trickled down her cheeks. Jungsook let out a sigh. She hadn’t said anything because she was afraid of this reaction.
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“Back then, you and I were fighting.”
“What if something bad happened to you? What am I supposed to do then? Were you planning on ending things on a bad note?”
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“I didn’t die, though. I’m completely fine now.”
Jungsook’s damp eyes watched as Jiwon’s red lips drew in a deep breath.
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“And then I didn’t hear from him for a long time. The last time I saw Seokju was two years ago.”
“…Why did he come?”
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“He didn’t come to me.”
“Then what?”
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“It was in front of your father’s memorial.”
Jiwon frowned as she bit her lips. After her husband died, her daughter had never once visited his memorial.
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“I always went to the memorial to pay my respect on the anniversary of his death, but that one time, something came up, so I went one day earlier. Seokju was there. He was wearing an expensive-looking suit and drove a black foreign car… He was always handsome and tall in the past, but this time, he looked like he was from a different world. When he saw me, he pretended not to know me and just walked away.
Although she expected this kind of behavior from Seokju… Even though she knew that by helping her, he had finished repaying the debt he owed her husband… She couldn’t help but feel disappointed. How shameless of her.
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“I’m sorry, Jiwon.”
“…About what?”
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Jiwon tried to hide the tremors in her voice by shouting out. Jungsook wanted to ask her daughter about what happened between her and Seokju when they met again. Whether they wanted to start a relationship once again. However, she did her best to keep her mouth shut. She had no right to ask these questions.
“For being so cruel to Seokju. I’m sorry.”
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Jungsook wanted to hold Jiwon’s hand, but she couldn’t. She merely clenched her hand around the napkin. Nineteen years old. During an age when emotions ran high, Jungsook realized something strange was blossoming between the two of them.
Actually, she didn’t want to go against it. If someone knew this, they might curse at her, but she actually wanted to cheer Seokju on in hopes that he would gain a firm foothold. He was a capable boy who was bound to do well in anything he pursued. If only that horrible thing hadn’t happened to her husband…
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“I never hated Seokju… I think it was because I just really needed someone to hate at that time.”
“……”
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“But I couldn’t say this to Seokju. It was so difficult to acknowledge my wrongdoing and apologize. I couldn’t tell him until the end… Just once… I planned on telling him if he visited me just one more time. Thank you for saving my Jiwon back then… My daughter is alive because of you… I’m sorry for behaving so foolishly, huu…”
Ultimately, tears began to drip from Jungsook’s eyes. Jiwon stood up. The mother-daughter pair silently tidied up the shop and walked back to the house together. On the outside, the neighborhood looked the same as always, but in reality, so many things had changed.
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“Don’t drink so much. You just recovered from cancer.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
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“I’ll head back now.”
They entered the alleyway and could see the red brick house. Jiwon came to a halt in front of a telephone pole. A look of yearning flashed across her face as she looked back at the house.
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“Why don’t you spend the night here and leave in the morning?”
Jiwon’s mother cautiously made the suggestion, but Jiwon shook her head.
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“The motel is a lot more comfortable. I need to get on the first train in the morning, so it’s better if I stay somewhere closer to the station.”
Although her daughter’s room remained untouched, after Jiwon moved out, she had never returned. Jungsook wasn’t able to hold onto her daughter any longer and nodded her head. When she began to search for her keys in her purse, Jiwon opened her mouth and spoke up.
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“Mom, recently…”
“Yeah?”
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Jiwon hesitated for a moment.
“Did Chief Hong come over by any chance? With a photo?”
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“Chief Hong? No, why…?”
She had shared a few phone calls with Detective Hong, but it had been a long time since she’d met him. Jiwon silently observed her mother’s face before shrugging it off. She turned around.
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“Jiwon.”
Jungsook couldn’t help herself and called out. She was sure something was going on. As a mother, she felt that something was off, but she couldn’t ask.
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“Seokju… is doing well, right?”
Jiwon silently blinked before opening her mouth.
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“Yeah.”
“He is, right? Good. As he should.”
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“We met by chance, and he’s eating well and living well. So well that it’s actually kind of annoying. And his arrogant way of talking is still the same. It was so annoying that I came all the way here.”
Jungsook let out a forced laugh before opening her trembling lips once again.
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“You should… bring him sometime. I’ll cook for you. Seokju liked that one dish of mine, didn’t he? He liked my japchae.”
“…That bastard always seemed to like the stuff that requires a lot of effort.”
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“But he never hated anything either. He always cleared his bowl of rice three meals a day.”
Jiwon quietly scratched her cheek and sniffed before turning around. Jungsook kept her hands inside her pockets and watched her daughter’s slender back as she walked away. She continued to linger there for a long time.
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Honey, I’m the one who was wrong, right? I didn’t want to make her so lonely. If it were you, she wouldn’t have turned out like that. Right, honey?
* * *
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“One pack of menthols, please.”
Jiwon put the pack of cigarettes into her pocket before grabbing the bag of soju and other drinks and leaving the convenience store situated next to the station. The weather was horrid, and it looked like it was going to rain very soon. She should have bought beer instead of soju. She was filled with regret, but she could just take a can from the motel fridge.
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Vrrrr.
Her phone vibrated in the back pocket of her jeans. Jiwon checked to see who it was and frowned.
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“Hello?”
— Where are you? Wanna grab a drink?
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“I’m not in the mood to grab a drink with you, Chief.”
She wouldn’t be able to see him because she had returned to her hometown, but even if she hadn’t, she did not want to see his face.
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— Why not? Do you feel restless after seeing Seokju?
Chief Hong. That wily old fox.
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“My neck still throbs from being strangled by that bastard henchman.”
— So why did you get so worked up? The one who gets worked up and steps out of line will be in danger. In that world, this is law. Even if you feel like cursing up a storm, you must stay calm.
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As someone who rolled around in this territory, this seemed to come easily to Chief Hong. No, maybe he just took enough bribes.
“I think I’d also be able to endure it if I received millions from the mob.”
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— It was necessary if I wanted to get closer to Choi ChulYoung. That bastard is very suspicious of everyone.
“I didn’t ask.
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Jiwon responded nonchalantly, but she swallowed back the curses that threatened to leave her lips. She wanted to shout her questions at him. Why did he lie about showing Seokju’s photo to her mother? Did he want to bring her in front of him so much that he manipulated her by using her emotions against her? However, Jiwon held back.
— And who are you saying received millions? Do you think that’s chump change… You rascal…
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Judging from how upset he sounded, it seemed that he wasn’t able to keep the millions for himself. Jiwon pressed her cap down onto her head and began to walk quickly towards her motel. This was because the humid air had transformed into raindrops as it fell from the sky.
“Ah, whatever. Shin Seokju didn’t even blink when he saw me. He wasn’t even surprised, and you saw how he mocked me, right? Now what are you going to do?
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She heard Chief Hong’s e-cigarette click on through the receiver.
— Did it seem like he didn’t blink to you?
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Jiwon didn’t say anything and waited for him to continue. Chief Hong quickly changed the subject.
— We’ll go back to see him again. Today’s plans were ruined because of Choi ChulYoung’s sudden appearance.
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“Does the mob move according to a schedule? Who knows? Maybe he’ll barge in again.”
Chief Hong scoffed.
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— Either way, watch your behavior and stand by, Detective Park. It’s possible that someone from Choi ChulYoung’s side will begin to keep an eye on you. Because Shin Seokju was definitely shaken today. No matter how good that bastard is at hiding his true thoughts, Choi ChulYoung isn’t someone we can underestimate either.
“Alright, sir. I’m shaking in my boots because I’m afraid Choi ChulYoung is going to knock me out and steal my organs. I’m hanging up now.”
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Jiwon didn’t wait to listen to Chief Hong’s reply and ended the call. She felt even more certain that Chief Hong had stuck someone close to Choi ChulYoung on the inside. She was sure that he had decided to come to the resort today because he knew that Choi ChulYoung would be away at a baseball game. Therefore, he was surprised to see his sudden arrival today.
“Huu…”
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When she arrived at the entrance of the motel, Jiwon pulled out a cigarette. She had quit smoking long ago, but after what happened today, she felt like she wouldn’t be able to survive through the rest of the day without one. On their car ride back from the resort, she had tried taking a puff of Chief Hong’s e-cigarette, but it didn’t scratch the itch.
Drip, drip. As the rain began to fall drop by drop, it gradually turned into a trickle and then a downpour. Jiwon breathed out the smoke and opened her eyes. She needed to be alert. If not, she might be completely used by that wily Chief Hong.
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“And what’s going on with my mom?”
She had asked her mother on a hunch. However, she never expected to find out that her mother had actually met him a few times. No, actually, if she really thought there was no chance of it happening, she wouldn’t have asked at all. If it’s him, he might do it… Because she had that inkling, she came all the way here to find out for sure.
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“Ah… fuck.”
If her mother opened her mouth and said it hadn’t happened, her curiosity would have cleanly ended right then and there. Shin Seokju was a son of a bitch, and by joining the mob, he was chewing on their history together like some kind of snack.
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However…
“My daughter is alive because of you.”
Ever since she was young, it had always been this way. Everyone she trusted had kept secrets, and she was always the idiot who had no idea. Was this what everyone felt about each other?
It was a weekday, so the motel, located in the outskirts of town, was empty. Jiwon leaned against the column and continued to smoke as she gazed at the refreshing downpour of rain.
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After her father died, Jiwon never visited his memorial. His death was a reality that she never wanted to acknowledge, and whenever she was reminded of him, she would be flooded with memories of the past, bringing with it an unimaginable pain.
However, the thing that made this pain so unbearable was not just her father’s death. It was the fact that the day she lost him, she had also lost Seokju. And the one who always ran away while looking back was her.
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