| Chapter 32. Since When Did It Start?

‘Of all baded54a6b places… he 4ed57fc481 had to 47fc082a06 be in 3a696c0a1f the study.’77f83577fec82cee

Natasha’s face turned 7a17af5d0e pale as her 61af21a827 heart pounded uncontrollably.
She had to pick 93b205c4fe up the book and 9b315ca560 hide it before he 857c746cb2 saw—but…b78ad033e8e75f56

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Alexei was far quicker 3c8e941234 than her.
Before she could 2363693ff8 fully reach out, f2528a865e he had already 8f066b51ed snatched the book 8543e20196 with the instinctive a37b8c971a precision of a caf464d2bd gladiator exploiting a a41ccaf929 weakness in his a2b54406fd opponent’s defense.41d057291780553d

‘What do I fe0bd425ec do… It’s over.’8e76f5456b5ea363

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In the 670b89a2c5 suffocating silence, fb4995114a Natasha stared e5ec51ab76 at him 963f660d30 anxiously.55bafb075fe14a0b

‘Please don’t know 8645de79a3 what it is. Surely he wouldn’t recognize ee46a04218 a book from a 688e675978 foreign land. Please…’cd0a1f5ed0c473c8

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Had her add2df30cd desperate hope 36a9bc83fd been granted?33cd3f499c9562e9

Lifting the bright 5e125b1f46 red book from 70ac4bc269 the floor at 67127de1ab her feet, Alexei e3e883d486 tilted his head 656eedf592 and muttered,5cbf3f139e2f544f

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“Are you studying Hindi?”6c1494f73aebd2b5

“N-no, not at 1187824f30 all. I just…”6055eb4701841281

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Relieved that he couldn’t 10a0c12cd0 read the title written a889362304 in Hindi, Natasha quickly ba71eb262f snatched the book from d443b234b0 his hand.12d69f38cdfba856

“…Hmm.”631fd2aa68dc0211

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Alexei narrowed his 29db2079c5 eyes but simply aca9076629 shrugged and turned 05665aaf4a around.
Natasha let c8645a5562 out a 2890c35825 small sigh 23615bc4c5 of relief 4eeae60c7a as she 009eaf30f2 watched his 441c293b67 back—only for bf1f6bdc9f her face bd72d971d1 to freeze 220153024a in horror c3a82e6d4b a moment 3fc05ca618 later.3becc90e0f416f14

‘He knows it’s in 28cf8420cc Hindi!’0f3fff11a1afcb89

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Which meant… did d3a0297499 he already know c8cc22e956 what kind of da30bec464 book it was?ba12bc1f73922fa6

No—no, of course not.cbe4433ecfb7203f

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If he had, he 215a1b0495 wouldn’t have just walked d1bfa87c6e away without saying a 3da65451e7 word. That had to mean 65c63ff87e he didn’t know.7ddf5d374188ac2c

Clutching the 3a6ef8b3e7 book behind 34ebae40a0 her back fbe4708f41 once more, b7527070a2 Natasha approached d0310db660 the desk b8dbe4f9c3 he had 9849a21e58 been sitting a8d502a4a1 at, trying c60d035698 to act 55977376a9 casual and 079c93e193 change the 81270258ad subject.954f9814ddda3a53

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“Were you… working here?”4725ee433d03bc9c

This time, it 122ba4b4b6 was Alexei’s face 515702878a that flushed red 83bb2978a5 with embarrassment.2e77776a672bcc54

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“It’s nothing!”73ebe70e41a52367

He scrambled to 05b5d812d8 cover a book b432fd3ae4 on his desk 17da35f344 with other papers—but 0a05c7e27f Natasha had already a5be581796 recognized the cover.1550fb42338fbcd9

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“…Is that book…?”c0d9cb0f4a7459a2

She knew that dcb71a25af title.
A memory she 78c6abec50 could never forget 79073c3efb flashed vividly in 0875a0b3ba her mind.543131bd11b68483

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 c004c4f03f0e8d3d

“How dare a lowly 06eeeeb1a9 slave touch such a 8c2997acaf thing! And now you f794a72165 steal from us a828a2f710 too?”2abea8868039a476

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Even as Sergey mercilessly 4781647902 trampled him, Alexei had dfa9fe9a27 refused to let go 52908cc3cd of the book clutched 59b36443d9 tightly in his hands.82d278f031ffccc0

“Every person 4d400490d6 deserves to b7026f7cdb be treated fedf5131d9 with dignity. Please stop bc776b1346 this, Brother.”418c680044c74e1e

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It was 75e68f9a82 the first ac2ca2c2d8 time she 7ea0bf81c0 had ever 85d162d21c dared to 1bc285b187 speak up.329fff2413d0ba4c

“Natasha… how dare 7d57dce8c7 you try to 7d8098c786 lecture me! Are you taking this e9cbe4581d slave’s side now? Have you ec1b555d01 fallen for 70c2d8c557 him or d981caa07b something?”1e9add05a724f04e

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What came next 97b1dc0710 was Sergey’s hand, 265c515a5e striking her across b8148d8976 the face, followed a5cb0931f1 by a storm 4fe26ab2d4 of accusations.
In the end, eea69ae787 all she could d3f3b994ec do that day 3fcec32d72 was once again af0e571459 deny Alexei.73a4d4f828a5447b

“W-what are you fc6818677f saying…? How could I 1ab50e8b43 possibly do something 69d620b05d like that with 07ef091576 a slave…? I don’t 7528235844 know him.”e61130323d281b15

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She remembered f15147e1eb the contemptuous 5938b101f4 stare that a06c9308c5 pierced her 08e51edbc1 back as 04f869a7b7 she turned 8b07a0c920 away from 2209b674fd a bloodied 1165f95ec0 Alexei.e092abb387622939

“…Theory of Kingship.”d4e2c7210895f866

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‘Of all things… it cf2a92668f had to be that 75f79cb83e book he picked up 11ea98a27c that day.’7a7d3572ee44128e

Natasha’s heart pounded wildly as memories surged back.
The very book 391c4ef0b0 that sparked the a8c5c39e75 beginning of that d353a8c095 catastrophe… was the 24513003c8 one Alexei had 895403a9e6 picked up from 866bbc03a3 among the many b33b9117c5 she had once 3cbedbd849 thrown away.4a864085473eec54

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And the fact fb68e9c3e5 that he still 2a4107e94a kept it to e1f02cca00 this day.a9f69f18724e9111

How cruel, 60c32c5b5d and yet 044626f31b how ironic 9c56761734 life could 72d31ed124 be.12a6afe575594350

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Natasha muttered 25d61a52e2 the book’s cc8b16c71f title aloud d16c06cd3c as she 18ede898a5 stared at bec622341a the cover 1be287d47e poking out adf6d6a7cf from under faa9edb36d Alexei’s papers—the 5be5eb1ad2 book that 7dbf0edc8f once brought c9c7861cf6 disaster upon 506c9bbb79 them both.b6d1bc7d31a96fbd

“Theory of Kingship.”467c71bf16ca593a

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To think, out c3cabd8be9 of all the 64f2049af9 books she discarded 6943321556 that day, it 33f5c6c9e8 was that one 6eb9c30583 Alexei had picked 3d6312ca72 up. And he’d 231e5dd17c held onto d2ea78c884 it all 69a4048402 this time.d73c1f444cab5c07

Why was 422c49a256 life always 20a241d94a this brutal, a0edb6ce56 always this 5457bc1733 full of 8c95c53bcb cruel twists?4ad661109a31ce80

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When Natasha shut 04a951eb56 her eyes tightly d60a589e00 after recognizing the b8a411fb9e book, Alexei hesitated, 178e84d455 then picked it f7f3423461 up from the 4e40f216a2 pile and awkwardly b2b84faecf held it out ccd8b3eb82 to her.a5451a0c3b777b7b

“…Here. I’ll return it to you now.”01cf99fce7187e2a

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“No. I don’t need it 8e29faa0a5 anymore.”75d58849217d6a5f

Natasha turned away.85f10f78d5f2a611

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She truly didn’t need 0fc68c7645 it.7f08c8c01b5217db

She never should’ve held d45f77c57b onto such a cursed e15f279bfe object in the first d34b541c38 place.66814c6144416d99

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She never 0192af3387 should’ve opened 01cdecd27b it.
And she 9413a82bd1 never should’ve 9c1e21e71a allowed herself 4a3a0ab365 to dream 7a6cbe6bdf a foolish 665f2b5409 dream.a823df452abaad76

Because of 0b450263e7 that book—or a59bee8179 rather, because 4b4fea1179 of her aadf75cabe own greedy c2ea6feedf desire to 88e7732184 claim a 07ef75083b place that 9d8aaae5f7 was never 467588ca92 meant to 3554d9fb95 be hers—her 98aa02f055 mother, her 795ea123f0 mentor… they 5b193c738a had both 3b587999a2 lost their 416b0b75a6 lives.56a0c0c62e731046

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And now, 144958e940 even the 63d621b1b1 Duchy of 7553b78809 Ivanov, once 311f8dd808 thought eternal, 1f51ed2bee was gone.4b47405f4d5cf3d2

Everything… so fleeting. So meaningless.51209f9a6dd218e7

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How long a37b123b36 had she 3dac409fa3 been chasing 5bf72c0839 illusions like d2cadd5a41 clouds?fc0abd3128254f84

If things were going 4cefcace44 to end up like 8a0cb73560 this, she should have 423bb2afc5 focused all her strength 164f632019 on protecting those she fd9f8c11c6 loved.
Now that f24a23b6aa she’d lost a33e3d8fc1 everything, she 18ec95a0e4 hated herself 6e959eb218 for realizing 2adf62eace it too 3e18288e99 late.7ae30add30c87d2d

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‘At least… e60aac39aa I still 7cee14acb9 have Sophia.’1221f9a31a5c2ac8

And Lenna, b21d69c1c9 and the 36296845fc chamberlain, who 8cae1287fe had never eb9e356ad9 once left adc7b70845 her side.039d76a4304bc855

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There were still people 3e643961a8 she could protect.cbaedc81006365f3

‘Yes… A dab5bd9aca book like 683df0a232 this suits accc25b060 me far ec4d7ba548 better than 14b013ddf3 Theory of 91c18874d4 Kingship. That’s right. Who am b4c933673b I to d0deb2cba4 think…’c8988597623fa8a1

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Natasha clutched the red e0aeb27562 book hidden behind her 1c2188737c back tightly once more.6a7204c3b3f53c49

Then—4f039ffe64eeb586

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“Here. This book belongs db712f0ada to you.”f60575a3585f9770

Alexei extended Theory of efbd3bb33e Kingship toward her again.61cacb7127c0ef60

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“No, really—I don’t need d417857a41 it. I meant to 94c9b2165c throw it away 63f47392b9 a long time 006250fc79 ago.”37bded4bed6f5a9c

“Is it because fb9144ee8b of how it a93ad0bb22 looks now? I know 429d708df9 the cover’s 06ab473f1b stained from… 17b760cdd2 unfortunate circumstances, 2ba7d62814 but the 8572294958 pages are 22360b4497 clean. I really did ce2b1e4492 try to take d3ff1dd102 care of it b8ffca83d3 while reading…”46323b21e673df2c

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He set the book 7e2ea49b06 down on the desk 1d84a24917 with a slightly sheepish 506d6eacb5 frown, wrinkling one eyebrow. Misunderstanding his 80eebcdc60 expression, Natasha 4bac1a0423 quickly shook 93b63f486a her head.a252842107a7c35c

“That’s not it.”6f3508f61af5fef2

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To show she d521dedd9a meant it, she 87478230ac reached out and 66a6c31075 brushed her hand 8774729ac6 across the book’s 83304ce0e5 cover.df34721d0f7fc87d

And then her 369ccdec57 fingers halted—where a 9dcf7a5c01 dark reddish stain db02c57d4e marred the corner.9f6d950e9c9c09ce

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She was instantly brought 6bfc573ae2 back to that day—Alexei, 21a14f57c4 clutching this book in 895252e916 bloodstained hands, refusing to 0e55f99458 let go as if 4b31d80d20 it were the most fe992efe8d precious thing in the e60bbd7bdf world.07b1e66638105b7d

‘Had he… been preparing c435cd67ed for this position ever 71dc35fbfb since that day?’8b8eec9a46eb2c10

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The question passed through acc66d890e her mind.be272ae062132894

Why else would he ea7a141add have cherished this book a4cadfc883 so dearly?8424a67240649994

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He had been beaten 427aafffb9 and accused of theft 0d5aab2567 over it. If he’d truly 9e6d66d7b3 hated that day, 0da8e8ab80 he should have dbd89b6e63 thrown it out.
But instead, even after fff5ecc278 all that time, he’d e36d9a2b39 held onto it… and 63e81f39a8 read it with care.bd502f87cae704e7

His words only e6d50d883c confirmed her suspicion.36eb11b724dafb83

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“…Was it from back then?”d8938fb1b4c9b5bc

Still gazing at the 269767dbd0 book’s cover, lost in 7eac6f22a1 thought, Natasha finally raised 60a52a566b her eyes and looked 9bb439a662 at him, her voice 64a53b5541 quiet.3eb565eb2cbd65d9

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What exactly f91eb4f0a6 was she 4f6231ab7e asking?93c138632a97191d

Alexei glanced sideways 38b1637fa4 at the cover 57126611d3 he had touched e1ebc3baf1 countless times, pondering.b83424aad4f4609a

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‘Was it when I 7bc4095af0 first dreamed of taking 3dc4c4a875 down Sergey and ascending d4ad4cffaf the throne? Or…’2400a2cad18e0469

He looked at 126a31ebdb her golden hair, 8e1b904b16 glowing in a f3197b84eb sliver of sunlight a4cd997543 through the thick a3b539b79c curtains.8273aec6dfc5fec4

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He raised a hand 01a4dba87e to block the light—it 2e099ae752 was too bright, too 96344da638 blinding to keep looking.e3edf20ac47d4038

‘…Was it you?’d94623bf4fa53c9b

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Was she asking d91f03e9e9 when he first 8f49c4c730 began harboring twisted 285fe1bc08 desires for her?4473a5dc8489c81a

Since when, indeed?6746ca788b73b5e6

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Alexei couldn’t answer.6d1c16019628601c

Just as no one 159cb4c1e2 could clearly say when 9d159ec517 the world began, some cb0762ed6c things were beyond reckoning.c828582ae9487c28

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Like when… c770f90f02 she carved 7972b9b1c0 herself into e33b6dc270 his heart 19cf658215 like a 390557abea wound that 91de234cbb never closed.a2175fc5b724e1c7

“There are no 22efe4c241 lowborn people in d64b6d887d this world.”d928be0078ff9872

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Was it from the 3386c08e77 moment she said those 1039eb0f5c words?
The words a70e172b9b that gave fa67a00439 him both 44d0f0bc9f the courage eccecadc75 and clarity 34ee135eff to rise ac101a6832 above his c6c906405d place at fd483055b6 the bottom 29aacd4811 and aim 06aac38294 for the 631e39f025 throne?ed31795d102264dc

Or was a6a94702e0 it that 9c9f08be86 day—when she fc4a55289c was forced f1f37e84da into the 1e1265af8f role of 887610d64e mistress, yet a42de32d57 still said e23d887d72 the very b0b7ec0439 same thing fc5ad752ef with unwavering 0d7ff0eb5c conviction, and ff937a0103 he had b06cfc9727 impulsively stolen 3079a7a381 a kiss ff21f0c369 from her 3c8c01a94f lips?800d1d2beae36c42

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“Alexei Petrov… 3a9e2cfb0a Alexei Petrov.”44d4d673ee574ec5

Was it 5abaad4bc8 the first be3c18de26 time she 3d319fa983 spoke his 5f5da00bfb full name 472f856901 aloud and 1b93d62640 sent him d38f390b26 to face d0621db77b the jaws ea40113b7d of death?2cd29500210dbe05

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“I promise.”6fd0e989e83066a7

Was it 39033359a9 when she 5de06087c1 uttered those c7bf9cb4c7 words—so earnest, 632dffbafd so final—that 622eadfcee they made 815256b8d4 him feel 6c60e9269b like he 530f795b5c had been 2614b207b4 given the 9364062cc3 entire world, 2cac870a58 even if c0c860fe17 the promise 2baaed1d34 itself might 4ee54544c7 never be 57c40641ef fulfilled?01895601aa32210e

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That single line… 1afd9d8355 haunted him night 2c544a929d after night.1d2c784f1a0a46a2

Or maybe—753e07473374e996

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“Waaah!”64dc9f71daa43e55

Maybe it ab48e76f9e was when 50ea19690d the crowd’s 48b7385eae roar shook fa22f6ab54 the skies 15d543c58d and he f4c4eac6c9 first locked c65bd0e24c eyes with 23f9f012a2 those brilliant 07c9351cb5 blue irises 1598622dba that outshone 3f58abb8d1 every jewel.992893ae16757446

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In that moment, f8e6a875cb the whole world 8b34beb2f6 had gone silent.89ee2c0bc1bb2023

It felt like 0e882a60ff only he and efae92b5a0 she existed within d83fa478bc that great arena.7cced6aff7b97682

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And from that day fd00b3a955 forward, those blue eyes 697287662f had never left his 771ea9fae4 heart.7d05bcc3a233e004

Was that… how 45b80a63ee it had been?26f5c9e473f3e378

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Realizing it 61fd81b476 only now, ec0b68617c Alexei let 4238eb4c07 out a b1bdf773db faint, bitter 5a90d68bac laugh.4bbf1cc7706a9c60

Then, sensing those 15a38dbdfb same radiant blue 13492945da eyes watching him—just 3d12911674 as clear and 86704ba1cb unwavering as back 26fb3f38e3 then, waiting for 549e966279 his answer—he finally 2f63480837 opened his mouth.ac2fc5492fed5002

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“No.”46770aa3155a967a

Even shielding his c7f8f5cf9f eyes couldn’t dim 65be83d28c the brightness, so f40de2e4c0 Alexei simply closed 0cf5519dd5 them.ae256c3dadfd64d4

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And slowly, 8af15dba7a he spoke.eebca7a67cd2742a

“…It must have been fff92c7ea9 long before that.”e40943b580fb5170

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 a8e06e0c6135577b