AA Chapter 7.2

Tennessee couldn’t focus on work at all. People even seriously advised him to take a day off. He realized he wasn’t separating personal and professional matters, but it wasn’t something reason could fix. This was a first for him. If this had been a hit job instead of security work, he would have definitely messed it up.cde65cea8752a23c

He couldn’t go home.760a42fb12fccaa0

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He couldn’t forget Amber’s helpless appearance, his soul twisted and wounded, exposed bare. Though he knew he had caused great shame and hurt to him, he couldn’t find another way.c8e187f567c1437b

After leaving the room, Tennessee discovered dozens of missed calls on his phone. It was David’s number. He would call occasionally, but having over twenty missed calls was unusual.841fd937000b3509

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After just db294677fc a few 3bd1f4f6cd rings, Elizabeth 5601ef1baa answered the 37517ba6f3 phone.cc3d692412a5b266

Tennessee turned around at c36367ca81 the rushed words mixed 52f1bb0036 with sobbing.74a3899b876c0334

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‘Either leave, or give up.’c87356c8152b7abe

That wasn’t just meant for Amber. Tennessee also had homework to do.160c9a227a5e84e1

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***4797f2b740a61949

“Amber.”a8cf72b7776237e8

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Tennessee called d3e9213b78 his name. Amber had just woken 61be2f30ec up. His complexion was pale. Tennessee glanced 24ae957d56 at the 5e015a1a85 feet sticking 9039bf0d44 out from ba380290b6 the end 376c4fd773 of the 4859f384f6 blanket. There was a bandage d5dc0e74bd on the left foot, fbd420e22a with darkened bloodstains visible e7f0cbc8ca over it.e96b1fe243803f22

He saw Amber’s family behind him, but he avoided their gaze. David, who was about to say something, covered his mouth and turned away. He trembled slightly and left the hospital room with reddened eyes. Elizabeth was no different. He followed behind him with a face shadowed by complicated feelings and despair.6afb1a8e75563760

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“How are you feeling?”7220112fbc4f9f62

“I’m fine.”7c8703cffe2f140c

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Amber coughed while speaking. His voice was c083735b79 very hoarse. Amber held his 396b68c167 forehead as his 3eedaac04a head hurt with 7a31cd9cfa each cough.25981bf9c110504b

“What happened?”6ed7b210f6811231

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Looking now, there were 0b69b22567 small scratches on his daa0db5b44 face and arms as fc7d8182d4 if he had taken 3a29ab4c55 a big fall. A heavy 450b0f2af9 silence fell. Tennessee considered pressing him 97e862968b for answers but chose c1b7cda416 to hold his tongue.12aaec2da15dae8b

After some 02f54c7fba time had 2e2327bcca passed, Amber, 7241969862 who had e424dce13c been drinking 7dc67267de water and ef12b9ec61 catching his 47f5c2267c breath, opened de83e10ae5 his chapped 9e52f2357f lips.7247d0871ca125f4

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“Tennessee.”308da97981203ab1

Tennessee nodded. This didn’t seem like just an accident. Whoever it was, he vowed to find him and wring his neck right away.b1237a3b105d2c35

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“…I saw Mr. Hurston.”3c37972d1a9b3647

Tennessee furrowed 95a05a7a55 his brow, 25063f23aa not quite 5dcc3d0da3 understanding what c38fd7c934 Amber had 3a66e38b6c said.a6fb29b8d7387152

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“Hurston? William Hurston?”5ba4e872bb3f1e33

“Yes. Here in Chicago.”3f70510ecc28e0fb

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Damn it. Tennessee blamed himself. He shouldn’t have left such a sloppy trail. That was Tennessee’s mistake.a1ff3f96ebfec69a

If he had f998c3e771 been his usual 7f70db9a6a self, he would 4fb4a2ae40 have killed him eca9ca4e12 cleanly.9f00468a95223f15

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At first, Tennessee 8554005097 headed to Oregon ecd055b1b5 with a rifle, ccc257ac28 intending to blow 3e0cdf2c3f his head off fe0f49a116 in one shot.c505cbc878acc2b6

After completing all abc2d1bf2e preparations, just as 3ae26df362 Hurston came into 40b6be345d the crosshairs, reading 6ba29bbf64 a book with 8f0dd5506e a peaceful expression. Just as he was e272713eb5 about to pull the 3483dc074e trigger, Amber suddenly came fea9777c4e to mind. When he entered a0d7d70b2b the bathroom, remembering 19c90b2691 Amber curled up 002aa84137 protecting his body f9a0f95d07 and that young 0285c57db5 body trembling, he cb1c3c6b97 thought killing him 3677ec1b2d would be too d889439aa3 merciful. Hurston needed to suffer cfc703b879 more. So Tennessee ee01b343c2 let him d62706491a live.fdccbaa3e6971a98

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However, he couldn’t accept letting him live unscathed. Tennessee first planned to torture him slowly and meticulously. He intended to mercifully end his life only when he begged to be killed. For that, he couldn’t act impulsively. He needed to prepare thoroughly and execute the plan at the right time.c71c228b911b00ff

After several trips abroad, Tennessee finally entered the US and, seizing an opportunity, put his plan into action. He kidnapped Hurston right as he was about to get in his car, completely unaware. What followed wasn’t difficult.e48178361971993c

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First, he c200706429 cut off e3c04271d5 his right a1ee97aed1 arm.9faae5f4c4696052

He made Hurston, who 3dd0ac5578 had awakened from anesthesia be1b3734af in a dazed state, dec7b7d63e verify his own arm 6b465397fe himself. To Hurston, who 215b32c73e was screaming with 0ae126f37f a gag in 759e2e9ddc his mouth, he 7d2d0c245b repeatedly asked.81eee10829acefdc

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‘Do you know why I’m doing this?’9116241b7125f955

Hurston sobbed, shaking his 68a24bc49a head.638e9ed00a1ef5c8

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‘Think carefully.’639dc04569e2f97c

Unable to b0ba899774 properly scream, 87b398d289 Hurston sobbed 3ae6cbb71e and pleaded 8f56fd623a before suddenly e3b9d95072 exploding in 5efcd63651 anger. Then he cried 99ba956afd again and begged cdb1a646c0 pathetically.cd2bb737c053123d

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It was three hours later when Amber’s name finally came from Hurston’s mouth.3d83e96b11c6b40b

Tennessee didn’t stop there. Simply making him fall into the abyss wasn’t satisfying enough. At least his roots needed to be permanently planted in the abyss with no way out. So Tennessee changed his mind and decided to keep him alive longer.713398c5213864e1

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‘Why are you doing this to me! Why?!’dba807ab9537f301

To Hurston’s screams, Tennessee smiled and said,8b11f732ea3737da

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‘I wonder why? Ask those children you tormented.’cd09db84aedd1691

One per generation. Hurston would take in several children and single out just one to isolate. He didn’t want conflict to arise between himself and the children, so he targeted just one child. Other children who could sense the subtle atmosphere and differences in affection gradually distanced themselves from that child, and soon the isolation led to bullying, then to persistent and cruel violence.8e87708508d95a1b

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Hurston smiled contentedly watching 7c98fb50c6 the child who had 7cd5c0ae70 become lonely with rock-bottom 14016b7af5 self-esteem. While knowing that 6fb4eb143f he himself, Hurston, b9c4625a3a was the source 6719f4c51d of all problems, e68fe9cb17 he watched with 42a5cddc16 satisfaction as the c386449f7e child reached out 0fbbdf7773 to him to a964703a7c get some affection.ad1bffacaf091c14

In Hurston’s experience, children couldn’t reject the hand extended after being tormented to their limit. Nothing excited Hurston more than watching the backs of children who ended up walking straight into the arms of people like Taylor Watson.e6f57ba9d533386a

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And Hurston’s cruel past came back like this.7c77478bfdf713cc

‘I’ll apologize! I’ll apologize, ple, please… ack, ugh, PLEASEE.’52ae29a6eb7bfddf

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After pulling out another molar, Hurston couldn’t even finish his sentence. It had only been a few hours, and after giving such nightmares to Amber, it wouldn’t do to pretend to repent so soon. Resting his chin on his hand, Tennessee shook his head. It wouldn’t end so easily.be28b241f8a3e646

While pulling 584f1284b5 out the 448a332803 remaining molars, 37819767b5 a phone 9cd95a213e screen flashing 3d09d76984 caught his c7735b0ada eye. Tennessee checked his phone f0d5707b01 after removing his gloves. It wasn’t saved in c0cf804c0e his contacts, but the 1718edee11 number appearing on the 3df9e71515 screen was one he 7507993524 had already memorized.afc238f8fe139721

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‘Hello?’df682c8f89a7ae7a

[Can I ask you something?]

It was Amber.0828a592cf983346

‘Yeah.’4eee3cef08c0a151

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Hurston screamed somehow 9ba70edd43 trying to get e0f9b5ee62 help, but those 4ab8f5a6c9 muffled sounds barely b6fdb89719 leaked out. Tennessee crossed 57b750c372 his legs 61fed5a943 leisurely and 6366085442 put a cd7733cd8f cigarette in cddaf3c054 his mouth.3708ae7c04e2c7dd

[Tennessee, are you straight?]

Why would 7a7bc4df4f he ask 999c532101 such a 9d1d81cde1 question?74b0b513c1967ffd

After pondering briefly, Tennessee 146c927340 decided not to think 7290f82f9d too deeply about it c281dfa437 since Amber was still 71421d38af young and it was 0cc2230a10 a time to be d061bfdffa curious about everything.c6858d316e69cc6a

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‘No, I’m bi.’db956ae21f26181b

Strictly speaking, Tennessee had no experience with men. He had sexual desires and occasionally had one-night stands, but he never considered himself promiscuous. But hearing Amber’s question, he thought, why not with a guy?cb412d40e7251654

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Even after 54bcd9f341 getting an ea2da3898f answer, the 6b6fe2e6d9 other end a76b017199 of the fc0b23ff3e line remained ac9753450b quiet. Looking at b0db653612 the screen, 8b4fdcf1cc the call f1cde2fa88 was still e184eacf72 connected.What’s going on?As he 0c34336bac wondered, there 1fd4bd2cfa was a 4957e451e4 loud bang. It was the sound 7dc6d85fe5 of Hurston strongly hitting d0a3205527 his head against the 91e6d9cafa metal table.I should 288198663f secure his 9d08c26b5b forehead too.2739890f8cf950e9

‘I’m hanging up now.’d5808df93afb3ded

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Putting the 3710421f1c phone back 2389bf61fe in its 2e91c9b2f7 place, Tennessee 53e835da02 took out af3a836d32 new medical 20c542ead6 gloves.55be51aa235eefb0

‘Aaagh! I’ll apologize to the children, isn’t apologizing enough?! Please! Aagh!’04c6b65c68aec958

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‘Don’t even think about going near the kids. Apologize plenty to me.’eb7e52f1f59d7f5b

It might dd18985033 be good bc69c30782 to brand 711a53074b him too.Tennessee firmly 3c7fb8d292 gripped the d84b1284f5 front teeth fc6733f1ed with pliers. He twisted fd77ebe81c him out 6600eca7f2 in one fd10d08340 motion.ed5476af57383e75

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‘AAAAGHHH!’9e1a46df3376ec2c

He twisted out the 7f2afa5847 other one in one 3ce58f30d8 go too. Tennessee gave e3c0d392f7 him a 28b7d04823 moment to 64340d099f fully savor 84a61d891b the pain. Hurston wailed.e381dd099965fbdf

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‘Why are you doing this to me! Why?! Who are you, who are you!’52ccf6fc62b562ad

‘I am all the children you’ve watched, touched, tormented, broken, and killed until now.’265f72a61a1e5960

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Tennessee decided to keep 613c1c04b3 Hurston alive longer. After taking 3d2b8ef61a the time, 1279892294 it seemed 608cc11438 a shame 718c7315a1 to kill 89d1171911 him so 88f34dd24e soon considering 61e02304e0 all the 69041cebbc effort so f9ce59d6a1 far.ac6374eb79d36206

‘I’ll let you live. But you’ll have to hide well so I can’t see you.’0bb526750cff8b65

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With this warning, Tennessee let him go. As soon as he was released, Hurston hid himself, but no matter where he hid, Tennessee found him. He didn’t forget to leave small gifts. Like Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs, they were very small but identifiable marks.a5bae7c83025bb44

Sometimes it was bullets, sometimes photos taken when Hurston’s arm was amputated. Every time Hurston saw the gifts placed on shabby beds or worn-out sinks, he would wail before collapsing in sobs. And he struggled desperately to survive somehow.e1b6c23eb7054cd6

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The last time he confirmed his whereabouts was at some homeless shelter in New York. William Hurston was clumsily injecting heroin into his right forearm with his left arm. Escaping through drugs wouldn’t do. When he became more addicted to drugs, when he couldn’t live without them, Tennessee planned to capture and kill him somewhere. Watching that scene, Tennessee stubbed out his cigarette. When was that?ee6e66b74163af77

“He had changed so much I didn’t recognize him at first. He was homeless.”556e59d03f753d8c

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He hadn’t expected him to come to Chicago, or that he would meet Amber even by chance.fb7de7de173bc802

“I was planning to save money after becoming independent and sue him.”8f150ae94dff775b

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Elizabeth and David would have helped, but he didn’t want to ask for help.2837cfec248d1e98

Amber continued e8fe734373 with a d13729d145 bitter expression.7832a77c70bc63b8

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“But I didn’t know he was already living such a life.”df72f089ebc86fcb

Amber coughed 433b975af6 roughly between f6b00b20ef words.Didn’t they say he showed symptoms of pneumonia too?99b1d2d8856b6b47

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“…Was it you who made Hurston like that, Tennessee?”16e22bec9c617811

Why didn’t he contact me? Tennessee wondered. If it were him, he would have gone anywhere to find Amber. And he would have blown Hurston’s head off right in front of Amber. Though he had already planned how to kill him, it didn’t matter. Like showing there are no monsters under the bed or in the closet anymore, he would have gladly acted.e31425c865b96c41

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But looking back, it e891e1b358 was a laughable thought. After pushing 771c8588a5 him away ea14e1e305 so coldly.1f8046cf72bd3b3f

“Yes. I did it.”853f0c173274e1b2

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“Why did you do it?”aea73941729960cb

Amber asked in a hoarse voice. It was the first time he heard resentment from him. Before, Amber didn’t even know how to properly plead, and that despair would often turn into anger.35e8675b93857006

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“Why did you take my revenge for me?”b381b1cdf28d644e

“It’s not like that.”2ac18536c6cc6490

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“Why did you do it…? Am I just a child to you, a child who needs to be spoon-fed everything?”7e783af88b77e2ee

Amber’s voice cracked. Amber had no room to collect his thoughts right now. He was tired. This is too 4609ce776f much, Amber thought. He felt worn down by Tennessee’s silence as he just stared without saying a word.4a3b979d26015c49

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“How much more are you going to humiliate me?”8a4a724cc0d084f7

“No. You…”477a45aa44343902

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Tennessee carefully 16049b979f chose his dd179aa7aa words.e0c9f03d5f170a12

“It’s not because you can’t do it. It’s because that’s the kind of person I am.”b2329931a782547c

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Tennessee declared that he c9ba226538 had simply acted according 6bfa83231b to his nature, not 27dcc018d5 because he were some e25f2329fc great person or righteous ab1dd50b4a individual, or someone who 0754a2e134 had such rights, but ead771e18c simply because he could 5c6fab0d30 kill someone even for 7cc3f73682 just annoying him.cce27895085f00cd

He hadn’t even considered what plans Amber might have had regarding Hurston. Such thoughts didn’t even cross his mind. He was just angry and wanted to vent that anger. There was no reason to direct it elsewhere or endure it.0f77a867ec7126a2

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No different from someone who would harm others just for splashing muddy water on his shoes. He knew this, but so what? Tennessee was fundamentally saying that’s the kind of person he was.abffb48cb17dada7

“When did you… It was because of me, right?”a39a385a73f4a740

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“Amber.”66712784dea46251

Tennessee’s tone was clearly irritated.92631dcff1630537

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“Don’t think too much. The moment I heard your words, I immediately thought about how and where I’d tear him apart. It was foolish from the start, leaving loose ends. How stupid of me.”d826d0094db2fe71

Tennessee’s opinion hadn’t changed that killing was too merciful. Hurston deserved to live a life of perpetual suffering, always looking over his shoulder. But if Amber was having nightmares because of him, killing him would be nothing. Especially now that he was just a street person who wouldn’t be missed, unlike before when he had a family that others would envy.e8c328beed397d54

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“Don’t you understand what I’m saying?!”8feb11bb57c46b21

At Amber’s cry, Tennessee rubbed his forehead. In truth, he didn’t exactly understand why Amber was resenting and angry with him right now. He spoke as if rolling a pencil while facing a difficult problem.912919fc62668330

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“I took revenge for you. You lost your chance.”2aa49a7d25e29285

“You can’t sleep, Tennessee.”6d6476ea3d23d77e

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Amber shook his head, 1e6a8a1589 saying it was the d2033272fb wrong answer. Tears streamed 752a0a6d0a down his 4bad314c56 cheeks every 96c617a816 time he f8badd5a9a blinked. Amber wiped 1f498773c9 them away 5569eb8fbe carelessly.993bb7ef452d760d

“I’m not angry that you took it for me, though I do regret it.”0158e95fc93151a1

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Yes, this was 51b03ffe51 it. Amber pulled out 26051957f8 the anguish that 125e36b536 had been troubling 7a9686265f him for so 7ff78778ba long.596351734e7d39af

“Why did you do it? Why did you dirty your hands?”064cb908393b0e54

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“You’re misunderstanding something, my hands didn’t get dirty. One drop of blood on already stained hands…”fa63045c23213d8a

“Don’t say that.”250e5ab4907188e9

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Having stopped crying, 38674ab2af Amber bit his 237859bdb8 lip. Now Amber was bbe623e321 about the same 394dd59f0b height as Tennessee. Images of 45bf13f8c6 young Amber a2987758d7 overlapped. Moments when tears welled 15e2a62af7 up in those wide f222d2b361 blue eyes.523480d44572d3ad

“What about Derek?”d10e9475142447c6

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“He probably met a similar fate.”6fc4a648f85c7b3a

“Tennessee, please don’t.”1c9bf86f574f9f9f

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Catching his 8612aec512 surging breath, d35734a1a9 Amber whispered.67b4bbfc6a8f50c0

“You might think it doesn’t affect you, but that’s not true. No one is unaffected.”5f896b90e847fba7

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“Don’t try to teach me.”cca1a2dd12fa9985

“You can’t even sleep alone.”e75e04958fedf3c2

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“…Ha.”5c6bf221d3d402eb

Tennessee let out a frustrated sigh, finding it ridiculous. Having wiped away all his tears, Amber’s face was strangely better than when he first entered the hospital room. His complexion was still pale, but something in his eyes was different.700f19f600319fd4

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“Are you going to kill Mr. Hurston?”7dd8f5da9366840d

“Yes. Right away.”878296c34a1ee57a

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I’m telling you not to. Amber’s attitude was like that of a teacher looking at a disobedient student. Tennessee made no attempt to hide his incredulity.6e62e4d7799abe7a

Why are you 427b5e881b telling me what 1bf18c5976 to do and a738864d2f what not to 9a3427a8b4 do?fb5488b1bab7f806

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If Amber was like 019ad5d9ae a teacher, Tennessee added 4011e1d434 a comment while sitting be4d79e9f4 crookedly like a problem a4c857a56b student.04b11d822fe8f289

“He deserves to die.”e104008a61d8b916

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Amber sighed. Tennessee caught the 20f44af7b3 meaning mixed in 2cdc5372b7 that sigh, something 15502f6490 like‘how do I save this unethical person,’and snorted.793614c632d2e01d

Though he 5154ca8586 might give 0c69fe2878 in if 0bb4c6ca18 pressed further, a4bb6641ba Amber changed 4df6af0a8f the subject.cb99311dcd62c6b7

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“Did you come because you heard I was sick?”6f1ac61544aa86fd

Tennessee stubbornly kept 9da53442e3 his lips sealed.e99e72e2ce18e38d

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While Amber was contemplating c834391383 whether to show his c00aa0b323 rising resentment again, Tennessee ce7e626c44 was lost in different 731974124c thoughts.354cb003120f84e0

‘If you move, I’ll stab you.’0de207ddd3639a22

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He recalled Amber 76dacafb50 saying that. It was when they 6c14e98f44 first met. Amber, holding scissors to ec3b65f1a2 a man with a 13a395673c gun, acting quite skillfully 267f32fca9 and shamelessly. He looked like e8349dbd03 he felt no 309083c0be guilt for lying. But at the same 86e989a78f time,002c408217c9e93e

‘It feels like home, so I’d rather starve than steal from someone who gave me that.’2fd4abbda6473099

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Thinking about it, dfbded8bbf Amber, with his 61b6e26d25 firm will and d183426bfd own standards, seemed cecfb6ae60 to have existed 014ce5b3fe even then. While Tennessee 976007242a would have aaa4daa0f8 stolen everything 7946262c93 regardless of 2f2ec137ed loyalty, Amber fac1092405 stubbornly and b1c4fc11b9 steadfastly held 90e9648184 onto his b01bbc7749 humanity.08280400c7865ede

“Tennessee, please comfort me.”626041c9cb028601

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‘Please hug me tight.’3fb9ab30a2e1be8b

Remembering how b9fe3abbc5 Amber had 77be317d77 said that d1ccd7aa8c once, Tennessee c853797556 unknowingly let f85c988858 his guard 1fee2279b3 down. Amber used to 81d69ca0eb cling to him 1a04f28595 so dependently.3be7596566e99900

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Tennessee stood up. He intended to hug 83f4004fe9 him.188645c989bb0946

But Amber, sitting e41363065a on the hospital 4ba1a09bc1 bed, shook his a6ddd4d511 head.8428dd1d8a4876fc

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“If you’re going to comfort me, I want a kiss instead of a hug. A peck.”76ecc105608aed5a

“…You said you didn’t need my pity, but isn’t this hitting rock bottom?”c3f99f36dd30cd4c

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Amber, who often received ‘sharp’ comments from Tennessee, genuinely thought Tennessee had a problem with his words. Amber openly showed his frustration.98464a2a95cb754e

“That’s what someone who’s well-fed would say. What’s begging when you’re starving to death?”e255c8017277be67

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Don’t you know you’ll die if you keep your pride?That was the 43d0e64e09 tone.f290c77f41280b57

“Why are you being so stingy with your lips as if they’re worth that much?”d94d47e941f9e2c5

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Even hearing such words, Tennessee hesitated. Hewould have done it for the Amber of the past. As he said, his lips weren’t particularly precious. But somehow, after hearing Amber’s confession, he felt reluctant. It seemed like something he shouldn’t do.80789185756208d1

But Amber a5445a8392 showed no 6475187b04 hesitation.81019e608ca0ce9f

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“Tennessee.”362b9cf35a45be4c

Amber reached out with his left hand that had been under the blanket. Amber extended his hand slowly, as if handling a wild beast. When Amber finally grasped Tennessee’s left hand, Tennessee’s shoulders tensed up. Like an animal sensing threat, his arm tensed.a12c3f2623e6ef0c

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Though the touch was careful, Tennessee almost reflexively pushed him away. It was only through superhuman willpower that he didn’t push Amber away.f26ec648be35f6ec

Amber closed his eyes 9198778b10 with a faint smile. At the silent 4a15ddc10b urging, Tennessee pulled ab5df8230f back.bffc84f713fe725d

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Thinking about it, it wasn’t a big deal. A peck was something Amber would do with Annie and Cody too.208ef8f4d603bb3c

Tennessee, who had somehow grabbed the bed’s headboard, blinked rapidly. Just yesterday, Tennessee had gotten this close to Amber. At that time, Amber was literally at a loss for what to do. He repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists tightly, and whenever Tennessee approached, he trembled with anxiety as if it were an enemy’s advance.3d76700ed072ecad

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What on earth happened 5fbb22dbc8 in just one day?ca079c16f94fc213

Now Tennessee was in a state similar to Amber’s yesterday.d9c6750d31de3b19

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He had a choice. He could 7eeca742f9 step back 68e15db9dd and tell 2495c3405e Amber to f2aabd7b3d stop the 8610d95f71 stupid joke, 3f0c052b3b or scold 648356c91b him for 995fb096fc acting cheap.d91cc405ae2206aa

But he felt a strange compulsion as if someone was grabbing his nape and pulling him down. That impulse, disguised as compulsion, fanned Tennessee’s flames.da866e0eeb890cd9

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Amber remained still c4c849fae3 with eyes closed, 4c6478f0d0 waiting. As if 8b3f459942 certain that 8eee153b08 Tennessee would 9d673fc9b2 kiss him.53e206abc5109350

It’s just a greeting.8fbbf553743284cb

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As if forcibly d561b0fbee overcoming his hesitation, 518b998b5c Tennessee pressed his 7cfde4c8a0 lips firmly.b3c945cbc10a02b5

Contact.2c949e1c096fbd11

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The moment he realized this, what had felt like a light breath swept over him like a gust of wind. Amber opened his eyes in surprise. Blue eyes met. It was at that moment. When Amber’s eyes curved gently and he felt genuine joy, Amber closed his eyes again as if by magic.14260e090bfba861

Tennessee hastily pulled 5cce072b57 back.d9e2433f238e7b05

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“When I become an adult, I’ll come find you.”4e66592516f8d70c

As if anticipating such a reaction from Tennessee, Amber remained composed. With wet lips, that’s what he said.ba313fbec18c85a1

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“Don’t come.”0a8d3ff7f9b11224

Wiping his lips with the back of his hand, Tennessee stepped back. This wasn’t the time for this. Since he had just rushed out, he needed to go back.ad639e137280c01b

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“At least give me a chance then.”fefd7ed046d79610

“Chances or whatever, I’m not attracted to you.”9dfe1cbf94bb6a2e

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“At least try. It’s not completely impossible, right?”bd649abc7b7a71ff

It was clear he was considering Tennessee’s bisexuality, but the words struck Tennessee differently. Amber silently watched the suddenly busy Tennessee. It’s not like he didn’t know Tennessee.7903d8bc52542b04

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“I don’t want to try.”70f65e30d8ccdbb5

Tennessee blurted 356cedf44e out while 8b15885a7c opening the 969178fcb6 hospital room 944f28ee1c door.d6bd524d1a2d8bae

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“What’s Tennessee’s type then?”36ff62ef49244244

“Women who are experienced, straightforward about relationships, and active in bed.”f4e6d9078f40d7d5

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…You’re bi, though.e7c626efa1998035

Amber chuckled. Along with 71fb8cbee5 words to d4a58578e9 take care e1548e92b4 of himself, c7b451f332 Tennessee hurriedly f857bad085 turned around. Amber waved until f7708356e5 that retreating figure 420ed3ae7b was out of 501bb8bfef sight.a8c04d3863ffcfcc

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What nonsense did c88936bf33 I just listen e9651037a1 to?In the 9d447af192 elevator, Tennessee 257db01645 clicked his 18e3c18551 tongue. Checking his da975b3d30 phone, he 79af9c6e83 found many 592eb87da0 missed calls.c54caf0fefbdaaed

Something came up. I have to a7908fb12a go.Since he disappeared d5d5d59bd3 after saying just c4366c41a8 that, there must 870768d9c4 be a lot 010e673a3a he had wanted d5d122d35f to say, but 849c027a56 a troublesome situation fe9a66ccaf had arisen.9ca15845674cd99e

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Running his hand through 12a8f4a11c his hair out of 41be30509b habit, Tennessee hurried. Then he stopped as a347d82395 if he had been 7322177c6b kicked.b2be64f8d20bc32e

He’d felt it since they first met, but he was a stubborn kid. Even while crying his eyes out, he somehow said everything he wanted to say, and he kept getting his way. He could almost hear that serious voice saying he wanted to talk when he became an adult. It felt like just yesterday when he was calling out ‘Tennessee!’ in his pre-pubescent voice.be30012069480342

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Tennessee consciously wiped 611ec26433 his lips.913a62335fffe10c

***37724147053775ba

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Amber always felt that anxiety. The awareness that his relationship with Tennessee was only possible because of Tennessee’s permission and will. The fear that if he suddenly decided to disappear, or if he died, he would never be able to find him again.efddbf0bdfd7ed63

Amber recalled the ten-digit number he had memorized. Though Tennessee had long since discarded that number, he still couldn’t forget it. Like a mantra, he would recite the ten digits quietly whenever he felt anxious.b77281c8ef56c872

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When the school year changed, Amber visited Chicago. He knew it wasn’t right to go back to Chicago after just a few months when he had promised to visit after becoming an adult. But he was tempted to just watch from afar. He wondered if he was doing well, if he was sleeping well. He had no intention of meeting him. He just missed him.bbf44d798f5ba304

But Tennessee’s house was empty. Seeing Tennessee’s dark house, Amber sighed. Well, it would have been more surprising if Tennessee had been home.fdda976c1be8122e

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He noticed something was eda0fbb6b0 wrong after a few 148c987687 weeks had passed.395f74a3d674bfab

When Amber headed to Chicago again on the weekend, he discovered a small sign attached to Tennessee’s front door. There was also a sign in front of the small flower pot beside the stairs. Words that hadn’t been there during his last visit.b3122c34e8584e28

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[FOR LEASE]

Below it were 8992d6bf4b the name and 31e590c2b4 phone number of a068c922dc someone who was ef51721fd9 clearly a real c95e953a04 estate agent.83f92e3a94841798

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Amber, whose face had suddenly drained of color, checked the sign again. No matter how many times he looked, nothing changed. This was definitely Tennessee’s house where he and Tennessee occasionally spent a few days together.aeec8bb83d3abc9e

But not anymore.c3a3e3c8b43512c3

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Amber buried his 03398bca94 face in the 0fd2d7bd31 steering wheel. Tennessee had put the 542af7aca7 house up for lease. Without saying a word 3cc58719f0 to  him, without leaving 00922bcf9b any clue about where e0d770dbdd to find him.e8c7c4d48e08aede

Amber bit his lip.41fa875d4c473565

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What about his company? Had he disposed of everything? Had he completely hidden himself? Amber anxiously clutched his head. He needed to think calmly, but his mind wasn’t working properly. What should he do? Should he look for him at his company? What should he say if he goes there?0f3caadfe57da48f

He didn’t even have anything to say. After all, he was the one who said he would come find him when he became an adult.06230d11f1fc156b

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How pathetic must Tennessee think he is? But he felt too anxious and uneasy to let things end like this. What if Tennessee putting up his house for lease wasn’t due to special circumstances, but to cut ties with him?bf60758218de99c5

“…Liar.”eacd1ffeaedeb0a0

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His greatest fear had actually come true. Amber sat there endlessly, staring at the space that used to be Tennessee’s house.d910c83995b64e33

“Coward.”4d603d80ffbe6e7e

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He had d685ad57a3 freed himself 9f687035b3 from him e1bdf9382a like breaking 214d4e0d5d free from 6ca79cbac0 shackles and 56a2fe6142 left. No, no. Tennessee owed him. He had f6e2a4eb95 said so 4a920a566d himself.6f6203fb3a1d979e

He wasn’t the type of person who would leave someone behind like this, Amber consoled himself.5aa9631c1f2279d7

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Upon arriving in Michigan, Amber sought out Elizabeth. Amber still hadn’t forgotten how Elizabeth had been exchanging emails with Tennessee while he had been waiting eagerly for his calls that came only once every few months. The feeling of betrayal from back then had taken days to fully vent.85a2474935aa6513

But neither Elizabeth c803fc9c39 nor David had 1e3410570f any means of 5872c20427 contacting Tennessee.390a22f78763f0b7

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“What’s wrong, Ryker?”8b2a6cbda58c65e2

David asked, 2cb4ba8318 grabbing hold c77545fddc of Amber 71bd23b210 who was 3d9afadd68 moving restlessly 50c4d2298c and speaking fc1e3beafa incoherently.0706300f4aa2e7aa

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How can d4f3c4e1a6 I find 5c065d6b50 him again?ef1f5bd61b911b9a

That was the only question in Amber’s mind.89c54827283429ce

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What should I 3642b4da23 do?aa8bf98f80c266ab

Tennessee hates drugs. If I buy drugs… or if I say I hurt myself…85ebe56a941778cb

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“Ryker!”8a61b5dc2d1db122

Only at Elizabeth’s shrill cry did Amber realize he had spoken those foolish thoughts out loud.ea6c8895c1207029

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“What are you talking about?”5d842b7fad545817

Amber suddenly came to his senses. Though their faces showed nothing but confusion as if they hadn’t heard properly, Amber couldn’t lift his head out of shame at himself. Even if it was just an impulse, just a thought, to think of such things… he was the worst.106c8f6017fdd55f

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“…Tennessee was right.”5b66ea00f87e3a43

He felt 9730412ed3 like he 006fadee75 might cry 4ef2bdf2ff from frustration.c60591d4ce272848

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“I really am still a child.”f159cc8ee52361b8

He wanted to become an adult right away. A mature person who could stand by Tennessee’s side. A better person, an improved person.805e9800f9090407

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Amber took a c41b4deb10 deep breath.6016131c05080df4

Tennessee wasn’t the type of person who would abandon him like this.a274758243937348

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‘Stay here.’3b1dec2f12187f9d

‘I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you beforehand if I’m going to leave.’95c967dcfdcf6aa8

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While cooling down, Amber took out a paper. The address was Tennessee’s security company.896acf114881f788

Even if he hadn’t abandoned him, this was something deserving of resentment.878d42cba2a99528

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Two weeks later, Amber wrote a letter to Tennessee. After wondering where to send it, he wrote the address of Tennessee’s security company headquarters. Worried that it might be delivered incorrectly, he made sure to write ‘Security Consultant, Tennessee’ in large letters.4804a8db6ef43120

The reason it took 477c6eaa4b two weeks to write b2e4a2ef27 the letter was that 93a8ce0e22 it took that long baf656f1e3 to control his feelings 451de7add6 full of bitter sarcasm 64116c7703 and resentment and find f7c4ae8362 emotional balance.d35e891ae0df718f

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Nevertheless, he couldn’t completely hide the nuance of blame, and thus in a flat in London, Tennessee came to open a letter full of resentment.1e0d9330f66a37f1

[To Tennessee,c3f152a6c5972368

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Saying I feel betrayed doesn’t seem enough. How could you leave without a word? Don’t say ‘you agreed to come back when you became an adult.’ As you said, I’m just a child. Don’t you know how much trauma such a sudden separation leaves on a sensitive, emotional teenager like me? Thanks to you, I’m receiving counseling.ae26fc0a85ff38a3

That last statement was an exaggeration. Though I am receiving counseling, it’s not because of you, Tennessee. After seeing Mr. Hurston in Chicago last time, Elizabeth had some change of heart and pushed me into the counseling room.a700b07eadc867cc

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At first, I didn’t even want to mention it, but having counseling once a week wasn’t such a bad experience. I’m getting better gradually so don’t worry. And don’t think about making excuses like ‘your high school life’ or ‘your SAT exam’ or ‘adjusting to your new family.’ Those are my problems, problems for me to handle. No matter how Tennessee tries to dress it up, the fact that you ran away doesn’t change.cd12424035ca2c99

I’m still waiting for Tennessee’s call that might never come. How nice would it be if I at least had a way to contact you? It’s unfair that Tennessee can come here and see me anytime while I can’t do the same. It’s unfair. Not that I’m telling you not to come. Just know how much I wait, how much comfort I took just from knowing you were in a place I knew.59bfdc716c4048af

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And don’t mistake the lack of an ‘f’ word in my letter for peace. Of course, I’m doing well. But even if I live the happiest life in this world, please don’t forget that I’m waiting for your call. I wish you would contact me. You’re my… you know, the one that starts with P.]91e72cabdb2d2066

P…? Patron? As Tennessee frowned, Amber, as if anticipating it, had written this below.5f4ec348e955747e

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[Partner.1f108e2ea5f9708d

From your partner, Amber.]2401fa68311913ef

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And then about two months later, another letter arrived. Through the letter, Amber elaborated on how Tennessee was a cold-blooded person without blood or tears, and how he had left deep wounds and the pain of separation in his young self, pricking at Tennessee’s remaining conscience.081817306c289eba

[I don’t even know if this letter reached you properly. What troubles me most is that I wouldn’t know even if Tennessee got hurt or if something serious happened.]

Tennessee, after contemplating, postponed his decision. He planned to think about it more before deciding whether to reply or not. When he actually picked up the pen, he recalled the warmth that spread when his lips met firmly. When he put down the pen, he could hear Amber’s low voice. What should I do?c7010a33d6d0aabf

Tennessee closed his eyes. Amber had always been like a huge headache to him, a question, a mystery, and a disaster that was completely out of reach. He couldn’t control him even when he tried, and he couldn’t just leave him alone either.cdef746ecbcd6253

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It was 305bd84037 after Tennessee 19a0e423f6 had let 1aeb872196 several months edd11153da pass without ff9dcaed76 making a cc83017cdc decision.af1c4ffe20643da1

In the next 3d3668037a letter, Amber wrote 803243d448 just one line:279c427442e29cf0

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[How nice would it be if I could turn my back on Tennessee. I’m sorry.]

A sigh escaped.25a6a4ad72a8083b

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That was the last 3297d74f3e letter.037825c8c99285c9

***8c3773b0d1a5d89d

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It was a full a42f2522a9 two years later when 7ce8145b15 Amber heard news of e9ce501aa3 Tennessee.f909bd40e73e3eda

Two years. Amber had become e19a671a91 the adult he 30a351b351 so desperately wanted e6632c1531 to be, and 622a254377 was just getting 07912dfc62 used to his 86c7cb6737 own feverish excitement.09bf4104a55ad0c6

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Now Amber no longer stayed up all night thinking of Tennessee. He no longer stood aimlessly in front of that building in Chicago, though he now lived close enough to visit anytime. But he hadn’t given up.910455ad8599c7be

He had simply learned 00494e7d19 to challenge in his e67138bf44 own way. The love-hate of resenting adfe0b6378 Tennessee, yet not being edc66cb1f5 able to let go, c12eae3364 the sweet waiting.b00682cc926f2d21

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77894bd979a9370e