AA Chapter 2.1 || Texas

“I’ll get there when it opens.”

Tennessee’s voice cut through the child’s wandering thoughts. The child peeked out. Tennessee was on the phone. So this old walkie-talkie-looking phone actually works. The child, who had never seen a flip phone before, was genuinely impressed that a phone with a lid could function.

Surprisingly, Tennessee’s tone wasn’t blunt. While his usual manner of speaking was calm and cool, now there was even a hint of playfulness.

Who could it be? The child craned his neck to look at either side. But through the rearview mirror, only Tennessee’s eyes were visible.

“…Where are we going later?”

“You don’t need to know.”

There was a reason for not telling him. Tennessee knew someone else besides Rick whom he could ask for information here, and he planned to see him today. If the place had been a café, he would have told the child, but Tennessee’s destination today was a club.

“Let’s rest a bit until then.”

And Tennessee parked the car. Where are we going now? When asked, he said downtown. Though he didn’t quite get the situation, the child nodded and followed Tennessee closely.

As they came to the center of town and people increased, the child stuck close to Tennessee’s side. Surprisingly to the child, Tennessee blended well with the crowd and didn’t stand out. Rather, the child thought his own looking around probably drew more attention. For some reason, the Tennessee they saw now had a different atmosphere than when driving. He seemed like an ordinary young man who had come downtown to have fun.

“Come here.”

“…Eh?”

Tennessee didn’t repeat himself and stretched out his arms. Though confused, the child instinctively fell into Tennessee’s embrace. Being held close, he could smell his scent. There was a faint smell of cigarettes, but the masculine scent was stronger. It wasn’t an artificial smell like cologne.

When the child stiffened up like last time, Tennessee told him to relax. The child then stuck to Tennessee’s embrace like gum stuck to the ground. Now that he was being held, he realized again how broad Tennessee’s shoulders were. His arms were firm, and his neck was hotter than expected.

Held in his arms with both arms hanging down, the child looked around. Hotels were visible. Perhaps because it was such a big city, there were many luxurious golden hotels. Tennessee crossed the lobby to the reception.

“Can I have a room please?”

What does the employee think we are? The child wondered. Do they think we are traveling brothers or uncle and nephew? The employee began responding naturally, showing no signs of suspicion.

While Tennessee smoothly continued the conversation, the child stayed quietly in his embrace. He had seemed like someone who would be cold as marble when touched. But just like last time when he was held, he was surprisingly warm.

The child thought Tennessee’s reason for getting a hotel room seemed, unexpectedly, to be not for his own rest but to let him rest. After saying he would rest and getting a hotel room, Tennessee, who the child thought would lie down, sat in a chair and cleaned his gun. He showed no signs of wanting to rest.

Now that he was actually lying down, the child felt more sleepy and blinked slowly. The child turned his head while lying comfortably. When he opened his eyes, he saw Tennessee sitting with legs crossed. It was the first time he hadn’t felt particularly tense with an adult right next to him, especially a male adult.

A corner of his mind kept screaming. He’s pretending to take care of you, pretending to treat you well like this, but one day he’ll start hitting you. Harder and more frequently, he’ll raise his hand. He’ll make you stand against the wall naked, telling you to explain what you did wrong. The violence that was once every two weeks will become once a week, then every other day, and finally transform into small daily habits… You shouldn’t trust him.

“Tennessee.”

At the faint call, he raises his eyes. Blue eyes filled with questions meet his. His eyes, which should be hazy through the cigarette smoke, are always surprisingly clear. It was as if lightning struck his brain every moment.

I shouldn’t. We’ve only been together for barely a week. I should run away. That time when he said he’d kill me, he meant it.

The child had never opened up to peers he’d known for years. Having been hurt too deeply by betrayal and fearing the pain, he chose not to trust at all. But…

“What.”

He’s too warm. What if I get burned? If my skin melts away, what will I do with the pain?

…I need to run away.

Lying on his side, the child squeezed his eyes shut. Running away wasn’t the right word. Leaving was more accurate. He would never tell anyone that Tennessee stole a car, or that he was a suspicious and dangerous person. Then he would probably turn a blind eye too.

The week’s warmth he tasted for the first time was so hot it brought tears to his eyes, and the child feared he might melt.

***

“Stay here.”

It had been a while since he’d had proper sleep rather than just dozing. The child suddenly woke up to the voice while sleeping deeply. Opening his eyes, Tennessee was standing there. He wasn’t in casual clothes but in a suit like when he first met.

That damn ‘stay here.’ If he had received just $1 every time Tennessee said ‘stay here,’ he would be a millionaire by now.

“If you’re hungry, order room service.”

The child looked at the clock. Oh God. He felt refreshed so he knew he’d slept well, but he hadn’t realized he’d lost consciousness until this late at night. Maybe if Tennessee had left him alone, he might have woken up the next morning.

“When will you be back?”

“Soon.”

Soon, huh. Then should I aim for the next opportunity? When should I run away? The child bit his lip in anxiety. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice Tennessee observing this behavior the whole time.

“…In a bit. Go to sleep first.”

When Tennessee corrected his words, the child nodded. Then it’s today. Now’s the time. I should leave after being sure that Tennessee has gone out. With a determined expression, the child watched Tennessee’s retreating back.

Even while closing the door and leaving, Tennessee didn’t even give a brief goodbye. He was usually like that, but now the atmosphere was even colder. As if saying he knew what he was thinking.

The child pressed his ear to the door. He thought he might hear Tennessee’s departing footsteps, but no sound could be heard.

What should I do?

Even while knowing he wasn’t thinking properly due to being too nervous and pressured by the situation, the child rushed around. First, he took out the hundred dollars Tennessee had given him. It was all he had. He packed toiletries too… put on his jacket and tied his shoelaces properly.

He couldn’t just leave like this. Tennessee might think he was betrayed too. He wanted to let him know that wasn’t the case.

The child searched the drawers looking for notepaper. There was no pen. While running around opening all the drawers, he found Tennessee’s wallet.

…Huh? Why did he leave this behind?

At that moment, he felt an intense conflict. Just holding his wallet filled him with guilt. But just looking wouldn’t be a crime, right?

The child opened Tennessee’s wallet. As expected, though he hadn’t hoped for it, there was nothing that could identify him. There were no photos or license, not even common receipts, just bills.

What is this money? The child carefully examined the unfamiliar bills. Eu… Euro. Euro? Why would he have Euros? Scratching his head, the child closed the wallet. Then he looked down at the crumpled hundred-dollar bill in his hand.

Should I take just one more, just one more bill?

“…No.”

The child put the wallet back in its original place. Next to it was the pen he had been looking for. The child began writing a letter on the white notepad.

To Tennessee…

And he hit a roadblock with the very first phrase. How is Tennessee spelt? Tenne…sse… Is that right? Were there two e’s at the end? …I should have studied harder.

With regret, the child clicked his tongue. And not long after, he put down the pen. He placed the note where it would be visible on Tennessee’s bed.

At the door, the child looked back. Tennessee had sat in that chair. He had fallen into a deep sleep on the bed beside it. He wasn’t suddenly slapped while sleeping or thrown to the floor. Rather, he couldn’t even imagine Tennessee acting so violently. If it were Tennessee, he seemed like he would call him over and say one stern word instead of raising his hand.

It was, what you might call, an exceptional sense of relief.

The child finally opened the door and went away coldly, as if overcoming lingering attachment. After the child left, a frightening silence descended on the empty room. Only the note with writing and a crumpled hundred-dollar bill remained quietly on Tennessee’s bed.

***

“Tennessee!”

Along with the high-pitched voice, a woman threw herself into his arms.

“You always come right on time.”

The woman left a greeting kiss on Tennessee’s right cheek without hesitation. Though he didn’t hug back, Tennessee didn’t push her away either.

“Long time no see, Megan.”

Returning the greeting, Tennessee followed Megan inside. The place Megan ran was a strip club. The bouncer was about to stop Tennessee but opened the door after seeing Megan.

“Megan, …really.”

Tennessee let out his annoyance at the nude bodies pouring out along with the flashy lighting. Megan said teasingly.

“I told you it was a club, Tennessee.”

“Yes, but you didn’t mention it was a male strip club for women.”

Must have slipped my mind. Megan spoke as if she had made a mistake, but he knew she had deliberately not told him to mess with him.

“When else would I get to see you uncomfortable?”

“Don’t have time for this, just take the job.”

Tennessee waved his hand, thinking of the child with his conflicted expression. Megan said ‘don’t be like that’ and handed him a cocktail. It was a pink Cosmopolitan.

“What’s the matter?”

“Something feels off. I asked Rick, but I’d like you to look into it separately. Rick has a soft spot.”

Tennessee then handed over a memo.

“Who’s this?”

“William Hurston. Forty-three. Lives in Oregon and runs a foster facility.”

“What should I look into?”

Megan folded the memo and put it in her pocket.

“He had no prior convictions but he’s not an upright person. See if there are any other dirty secrets, who he usually associates with.”

The child had mentioned Mr. Hurston and Mr. Hurston’s friends.

“And there’s a guy called Derek. He should be a boy at the foster facility Hurston runs.”

“Can I ask why you’re curious about this?”

“No.”

After saying what he needed to say, Tennessee stood up immediately.

“Leaving already? We have gay strippers too. They handle women as well.”

“Not interested.”

“I’ll give you a discount.”

Just as he was about to tell her to get lost, he heard a shriek from behind. If this hadn’t been Megan’s club, Tennessee would have drawn his gun long ago.

The one who screamed appeared to be a college student at most. To be precise, she was twenty-one years old. It was impossible not to know this as she was wearing a sash that read [21st Birthday] and a tiara. The woman was pointing at Tennessee. Though it was too noisy to hear, she was saying something in great excitement.

“Sorry, but Tennessee isn’t a stripper who works here.”

Though Megan said this, the woman was too caught up in celebrating her historic 21st birthday to notice anything else.

“Take it off! Kyaa! Strip!”

Good Lord.

Tennessee rose from his seat as if he’d seen something he shouldn’t have.

“Come back again and I’ll give you a discount!”

“Not interested.”

As soon as he stepped outside the club, Tennessee immediately lit a cigarette. He felt like he was covered in perfume. Not just women’s perfume, but the male strippers’ cologne, deodorant, and the smell of alcohol. It felt like all sorts of scents had seeped into him.

If there had been a woman he liked, maybe it would have been different, but of all places, a strip club only for women? In that short time, he seemed to have witnessed all sorts of obscene performances and explicit scenes.

He should have known better when she said she was quitting as a mercenary to open a club. Tennessee sighed and headed down the street. Normally he would have driven straight back to the hotel, but perhaps because the air from earlier felt stifling, he wanted to walk.

It was even chillier at night. Walking down the main street, he realized the kid hadn’t been going on about Mountain Dew for a while. Though it was a nice hotel that would bring anything if ordered, despite appearing shameless, the kid was actually quite considerate and probably wouldn’t order even if he wanted it.

Just as he was about to enter a clean-looking store, his shoulder was bumped, thump.

Would you look at that?

“Excuse me.”

Tennessee couldn’t help but laugh as he watched the man who roughly apologized disappear. He had deliberately bumped into him and even reached into his pocket.

He probably took the cash. When Tennessee checked his pocket, sure enough, the cash was gone. The man was still in sight.

Usually, he would have let it go, but Tennessee needed money to buy drinks. However, there were too many people around to grab and deal with him right away.

Tennessee quietly followed the man. The Asian man who appeared to be in his early twenties was humming as he walked deeper into a more secluded area. He seemed completely unaware that Tennessee was following him.

“Tan!”

Finally reaching what seemed to be his destination, the man called Tan turned around. Tan pulled out Tennessee’s money and waved it.

“Hey guys, see this?”

“That’s impressive, but was it necessary? We’ve got this right here.”

Out of his sight, Tennessee checked the gun’s magazine.

“This one will fetch a good price. Latin Emperador likes kids his age.”

Tennessee’s hand paused at the familiar name.

“What do we do? Kill him and take him, or just hand him over?”

“Think we need him alive for now.”

There was a dull thudding sound. Hey, grab him properly. They moved around busily. Tennessee heard a faint scream. It must have been the loudest possible sound through the duct tape covering his mouth.

When Tennessee finally revealed himself from the alley, he saw something he shouldn’t have. It was the kid who should have been resting at the hotel by now or having his missed meal.

Bound with zip ties, the kid was struggling fiercely. But there wasn’t much a restrained child could do when surrounded by adult men. They were actually laughing, finding the kid’s resistance amusing.

As if sensing Tennessee’s scent, the kid suddenly froze and looked up. Tennessee let out a hollow laugh. The others were still laughing and chattering, not yet noticing Tennessee’s presence.

Stay here, he had clearly said. He thought he had made it absolutely clear.

With a cigarette in his mouth, Tennessee attached the silencer. Though he was thoroughly preparing to kill, he was seriously considering just walking away. Should I pretend I saw nothing?

Looking at the kid’s face full of confusion and conflict, he had thought he might run away. But he didn’t expect him to sneak out only to get caught by thugs like these. If he valued himself more, he should have at least made a complete plan, prepared properly, and not let his guard down before running away.

He must have been feeling anxious.

Even while annoyed, Tennessee struggled with his own heart trying to understand the kid. It’s not like he didn’t understand him. Not knowing whom to trust, he had chosen to trust no one, and because of that, he had always been anxious and couldn’t even breathe easily.

He tried to understand the helpless and fragile child. As an 11 year old, he probably didn’t know what to do.

In any case, a homeless child in such a dangerous city late at night is easy prey. One by one, he turned around after catching the smell of cigarette smoke while they were chattering among themselves.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

That was meant for the kid.

The one furthest away collapsed weakly first. The silenced pistol made a suppressed whooshing sound. If you’re going to kill, you need to strike first before the other’s gun goes off. If more than two or three shots are heard, there’s a higher chance of police showing up later. Once the corpses are discovered, an investigation would begin.

“What the-?!”

They looked up in shock as someone who had been fine just moments ago collapsed all of the sudden. They hurriedly drew their guns after spotting Tennessee, but they weren’t even given the chance to properly pull the trigger once.

Their weakened bodies collapsed as helplessly as a house of cards. It was a pitiful and futile end. Though Tennessee had never seen a death that wasn’t futile.

Everything ended quickly. Tennessee took one final look around. After covering the blood-stained dirt with his foot a few times, he walked over to the trembling kid.

The fear cast over the child seemed so deep it would never fade. Tennessee thought this might be the first time the kid had experienced murder. Perhaps he would remember this moment and have nightmares, maybe even as an adult he wouldn’t forget this terror.

While it was a natural reaction for a child, Tennessee felt a slight sense of defiance. After dirtying his hands for his sake, he should be grateful, if he cries out that it’s dirty and scary without knowing his place, the gun might point at him next.

Tennessee rubbed his forehead. The irritation that had surged since finding the kid wouldn’t subside. With rough hands, Tennessee tore off the tape covering the kid’s mouth. The delicate body, extremely tense, was still trembling a lot. How will he react? Just as Tennessee’s eyes were about to turn cold, as soon as the zip ties binding his hands were simply cut away, the kid hurriedly ran and hugged him.

A hug. He wasn’t expecting him to do that at all.

“Tennessee… Tennessee…”

The warmth of a body pressing into his arms. Tennessee sighed looking at the three corpses. As he stood there without responding, the kid hesitantly lowered his hands. There were clear marks on his thin trembling wrists where he had been bound. The kid slowly sank down as his legs gave out. His eyes were full of regret and self-blame.

“Where is it, the magic scissors?”

The kid who had been biting his lips to avoid crying and irritating Tennessee looked up.

“I don’t… don’t have them.”

“What happened to them?”

“…They’re in the car.”

Tennessee ran his hand through his hair.

“The gun?”

“…Still at the hotel.”

“Money?”

“…The money too.”

“Why?”

He put a second cigarette in his mouth.

“Because it’s Tennessee’s… taking it would be stealing…”

“Why didn’t you take it?!”

At the thunderous shout that shook his head, the kid’s body froze. With a trembling body, he shook his head.

“I didn’t… didn’t want to be remembered as a thief…”

Answer properly, don’t cry like an idiot. The kid repeated to himself, trying somehow to keep his senses.

“Follow me.”

With those words, Tennessee left the place.

***

Though there was no coercion, the kid moved with difficult steps as if being roughly dragged along by Tennessee. Tennessee’s pace was too fast to keep up with.

So he has been considerate until now…

It was even harder because there were many people blocking the view. Tennessee’s back would disappear to the edge of his vision just when it seemed within reach, and even when running with gritted teeth, he was always ahead.

So he has been consciously slowing his pace until now…

The kid thought while desperately following. With only the purpose of following him remaining, he took heavy breaths.

As soon as they returned to the hotel, Tennessee roughly threw off his outer clothes. The sound felt like a harsh whipping, making the kid flinch and shrink his shoulders.

Right after entering, Tennessee couldn’t help but laugh at the letter and bills left on his bed. Without even reading it, Tennessee crumpled the letter and gestured. The kid approached hesitantly.

Though he was clearly scared, strangely, it didn’t feel dangerous. Though he looked angry, Tennessee neither pulled at him nor handled him roughly. It was an unfamiliar trust.

Ah, so this is what being scolded is like. The kid realized for the first time. For the first time, even though no physical methods were used, he tensed his body and held his breath.

“I taught you how to shoot, didn’t I?”

“…Yes.”

“If you know how to shoot, why didn’t you take it?”

“Because it’s Tennessee’s.”

At the same answer as before, Tennessee pulled out his gun. Then he made the tightly clenched hand open and placed the gun in it.

“Next time something like this happens, shoot right away. If you’re going to run away, take everything with you. Don’t try to leave a good impression by stupidly distinguishing between what’s yours and mine.”

The kid, who had been nodding as if entranced while listening to Tennessee’s words, shook his head at the last statement. Though slight, he had a definite expression of will.

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not? You deliberately left him behind. If you were going to leave the wallet, you should have taken all the money and left. You should have found a place to sleep, whether at a motel or hiding somewhere. You should have shot right away when suspicious guys approached you!”

“I don’t want to, I…!”

“You still haven’t come to your senses? What were you trying to do without even a dollar? What were you planning to do tonight?! Do you know what kids your age do when he have no money? They end up delivering drugs in back alleys and selling his bodies. If you didn’t want to end up like that, you should have taken it!”

“I would have shot them! If I had a gun, I would have killed them all! I wouldn’t have hesitated to kill them! But I don’t want Tennessee’s gun…!”

“…What?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for disappointing you. But it was my first time…”

The child tried to hold back tears while barely able to speak through rising sobs. Tennessee was once again facing those eyes he had first discovered. Even cornered in a dead-end alley and extremely tense, the child was saying this.

That he didn’t want to steal from him, that he didn’t want to be remembered as such a worthless person who repaid kindness in that way.

“I needed it too, so I thought about stealing it, but even just thinking about it made me feel sorry… No one has ever done anything like this for me. The bed was so comfortable… Even though we kept moving around, it felt like home. I wondered if this is what a home feels like. Even though it was just hotels and motels and cars, it felt cozy… I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”

“Get out.”

“…Tennessee.”

Finally, tears welled up in the child’s eyes. The tears that had been brimming rolled down his flushed cheeks.

“You made your choice. I told you to stay here, and you left. That was your choice. Don’t come back.”

“…I’m sorry, Tennessee. I’ll be good.”

“I won’t say it twice.”

“It felt like home, and I thought it would be better to starve than steal from someone who gave me such things… Tennessee!”

Tennessee grabbed the child’s wrist and headed for the door. The child desperately called out his name.

“Tennessee, Tennessee! Please!”

“Look at yourself. Have some dignity.”

The child sobbed. But the flickering fire didn’t go out. He bit his lip in anger and glared with his eyes. Full of resentment and grief. The child, who had been helplessly dragged along, suddenly shook off Tennessee’s hand roughly and stood on his own two feet.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

“Yeah, go.”

“I said I’m going!”

That’s when it happened. Cutting through what seemed like the child’s plea, there came a knock. As the child hiccupped in surprise and both his gazes turned to the door, someone knocked on the hotel door again.

Tennessee left the crying child and checked outside through the peephole. Someone in a hotel uniform was standing there. Behind him were two police officers.

“Damn it.”

Tennessee cursed and roughly ran his hand through his hair, thinking whatever will be, will be. He shoved the gun that had been taken out during the earlier argument into a drawer and composed his expression. Then he opened the door.

“…Yes? What can I do for you?”

They peered into the room with worried eyes, craning their necks. Then they looked back and forth between the sobbing child and Tennessee, their eyes narrowing as if looking at the worst kind of person. The child’s face was a mess with tear stains.

“Sorry for the late hour, but we received a report.”

The blue eyes of the child, who had been crying loudly enough to shake the world, went wide. The child, who had been breathing heavily, looked back and forth between Tennessee and the police, trying to assess the situation. The police officers’ gaze moved from the child’s red face with tears still clinging to his chin, to Tennessee.

“Excuse me, but what is your relationship?”

“This child is my…”

“Brother.”

The child approached, still teary-eyed and hiccupping, trying to catch his breath.

“Brother… Age? May we check your ID?”

“Why?” As Tennessee was about to go get his ID, the child instead asked in a defiant voice.

“Child, are you hurt anywhere?”

The child shook his head repeatedly and reached out toward Tennessee. Tennessee picked up the child with one arm. The child wiped his tears by rubbing his cheek against the broad shoulder and looked at the police.

“Child, it’s okay, tell us. What happened?”

“Who are you to ask?”

“…That’s not how you talk to the police.”

At Tennessee’s scolding, the child turned his cheek to the other side. As the situation wasn’t what he had expected, the police officers appeared confused.

“We heard a child crying. Something bad could have been happening. As you know, the world is dangerous these days.”

As Tennessee was about to open his mouth to think of an excuse, the child blurted out:

“I got scolded because I did something wrong.”

“…He didn’t hurt you?”

The child shook his head repeatedly. While doing so, the way he glared at the police seemed to suggest that the police were the ones doing something wrong. He buried his face in Tennessee’s embrace as if silently protesting not to take his brother away.

Hmm. One policeman quickly wrote something in his notebook.

“Thank you for your time.”

Tennessee implied the conversation was over with those words. The child waved goodbye to the awkwardly smiling police officers. Tennessee’s shoulder became wet where the child’s tear-stained cheek touched it.

As the door closed and the police officers and hotel staff disappeared, Tennessee sighed. As he tried to put down the child who was stuck to him like melted cheese, the child tightened his grip around Tennessee.

“Get down.”

“I’m sorry.”

“…I said get down.”

“If I get down, I’ll cry here. I’ll cry loudly.”

“Go ahead then.”

“…”

Left with nothing to say, the child clung tightly with all his strength. He had a groundless belief that Tennessee wouldn’t hurt him.

“Please hug me tight.”

“Why should I do that?”

Tennessee sat in a chair with the child still dangling from him. Then he searched his pocket and took out a cigarette.

I don’t like the smoke… But feeling he wasn’t in a position to complain, the child buried his face in Tennessee’s embrace to avoid the smoke. However, even after a while, there was no sound of a lighter.

When he lifted his head, Tennessee had an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

“Are you really going to kick me out?”

“You don’t listen.”

“I’ll really listen well now. I won’t run away.”

“You were crying and begging earlier, and now suddenly you’ve got your spirit back.”

Although it was a comment meant to provoke what little pride he had, the child didn’t take the bait.

“I won’t do it again.”

The child, who had been resting his forehead against Tennessee’s shoulder, bumped it against him repeatedly in protest.

If Tennessee had yelled at him asking why he ran away, he wouldn’t have done this. If he had shouted asking why he didn’t listen and hit him, who knows. But Tennessee had scolded him for not protecting himself. What a strange adult. Someone so uniquely strange that the strangeness was becoming familiar.

“Don’t fall asleep here.”

Held in Tennessee’s embrace, the child started nodding off. As the tension released, an overwhelming drowsiness he had never experienced before came rushing in.

“…Good grief.”

***

When the child woke up, it was well past lunchtime in the afternoon.

The child dazedly got up and looked down at his wrist. Where the zip tie had cut into his flesh and left bruises, there was now a bandage wrapped around it. The child sat dazedly on the bed.

“Tennessee?”

The surroundings were too quiet. Occasionally horns could be heard from outside, but there was no sign of life inside the hotel.

“…Tennessee?!”

The child jumped up. He wasn’t there. The ashtray was gone, and Tennessee was gone too. The child quickly went to the bathroom and flung open the door. And found Tennessee shaving.

“…Oh.”

“What.”

The child smiled sheepishly and quietly closed the door… then opened it again.

“Is that a gunshot wound?”

Tennessee was shirtless, presumably about to wash up. Tennessee always maintained a neat appearance with clean suits and smoothly styled hair. But contrary to his pristine exterior, Tennessee’s body was covered in all sorts of scars. Burns, knife wounds, and what appeared to be round gunshot wounds.

“Yeah.”

“Where from?”

“Afghanistan.”

Tennessee moved the sharpened razor. His sharp jawline disappeared under the foam, then smoothly reappeared. The child stared blankly at this sight.

“And that one?”

There were so many scars that Tennessee had to turn his head to follow the child’s gaze to know which one he meant.

“This too. Gun.”

“…I see.”

A sudden silence fell. The child blushed thinking about his shameful behavior yesterday. He got anxious again, wondering if he had shown too much of his vulnerable side. For the child, anxiety was like that. It never comes when you’re unhappy. It bursts through the door at moments of peace and steals away precious moments.

“Why were you looking for me?”

“What?”

Without turning his gaze from the mirror, Tennessee asked quietly.

“Just now, when you woke up, you were looking for me.”

The child hesitated but finally told the truth.

“I thought you had left…”

Surprisingly, Tennessee didn’t mock him. He looked at the child for a moment and said,

“I’ll tell you.”

The child lifted his head with an awkward expression, unsure whether to smile or cry.

“I’ll tell you beforehand if I’m going to leave.”

“…Okay.”

It was at least more trustworthy than saying ‘I won’t abandon you.’ Even if Tennessee had said that, he wouldn’t have believed it anyway.

Tennessee remembered when he was abandoned. His father, who always smelled of alcohol, disappeared with a promise to return. Leaving behind his wife who would vomit disgustingly from all the drugs.

‘Don’t go! Dad! Don’t leave me here! Take me with you! Dad! I’ll be a good child, I’ll listen well!’

It wasn’t much different from the child’s pleading yesterday. No, he thought it was more pathetic. At least he and the child were strangers, and he had dozens of reasons to abandon the child, but his father didn’t. As a biological father, he had the duty and obligation to raise him, yet he left his sobbing flesh and blood behind. What was more cruel was what happened right before.

‘I’ll be back, take good care of mom until then.’

If he was going to abandon him anyway, if he was going to leave him behind, Tennessee thought it was courteous to teach him as soon as possible that he had been abandoned and must stand alone from now on. Though he learned that lesson in the painful way.

He kept waiting. While his mother spent the remaining money on drugs, and cockroaches and rats infested the house, the young Tennessee slowly wasted away.

Thinking his father might come back someday, he would sit outside the house and watch endlessly. If only his father had said then that he was abandoning him and to try to live well on his own, it would have hurt, but he might have gotten back on his feet sooner.

Knowing this, Tennessee had no intention of giving the child false hope with empty words.

He fell into a familiar silence. Tennessee was lost in his own thoughts, and the child in his. But it wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward. Although Tennessee had sent the child away saying he was going to shave, he couldn’t move his hand. He threw down the razor.

‘Tennessee, Tennessee! Please!’

So what should he do?

Once the job was done, he planned to leave Texas and part ways with the child. He intended to lay low until he understood the situation. And once everything was resolved, he could go back to living his shitty life as he always had.

‘I’ll behave! Tennessee! Please, I’m sorry!’

But he kept clinging on.

‘I would have shot them! If I had a gun, I would have killed them all! I wouldn’t have hesitated to kill them! But I don’t want Tennessee’s gun…!’

At first, he was so tense he could barely hold on, but didn’t he end up seeking refuge in his arms? Tennessee moved unconsciously because the way he reached out with both hands felt so natural. Unlike when he first held him, he had gotten heavier. He got to know how to smile now, and even knew how to take care of those he considered his own.

‘Please hug me tight.’

For the first time since becoming an adult, Tennessee couldn’t find a solution to the problem.

***

Tennessee looked at the clock. The child wasn’t here. He had sent him on an errand.

The events from a few days ago must have left a strong impression, as the child didn’t want to go outside after sunset. But as if wanting to face his own fears, he insisted on going out alone, putting up a brave front. Since it seemed safe enough to go to a nearby restaurant in broad daylight within downtown, Tennessee told the child to go buy lunch.

“You didn’t eat breakfast today either, right?”

The child, who was halfway acting like a wife, set down the packaged food. When Tennessee held out his hand, the child handed over the receipt and change, and Tennessee left a twenty-dollar bill. “That’s your tip.” At those words, the child flashed a grin.

He’s beginning to learn things like that only now. Tennessee felt that somehow the child’s smile was beginning to resemble his own.

While Tennessee smoked, the child had already laid out the salad and sandwiches on the table. He even urged him with his eyes to eat quickly. Anyone would think he was the wife. Tennessee took a big bite of the club sandwich. Then the child reached for his portion of food.

“What do you do for a living?”

The child had been asking more questions lately. At first, responses like ‘shut up’ and ‘you don’t need to know’ worked, but now he wasn’t deterred by such answers.

“I told you, I’m a soldier.”

“Yes, yes. So what’s your real job?”

“…”

His handling of situations had improved too. It was hard to tell who was really in charge anymore.

“…Have you killed many people?”

Tennessee, who was about to eat his sandwich, lost his words for a moment. This morning, the child had been groaning from nightmares. Tennessee knew that the killing from that day had left a deep impression on the child’s mind. What answer should I give him? While he was pondering, the child seemed to take his silence as an answer and nodded.

“…Were they really bad people?”

Having a mouth full of food was a good excuse. Tennessee just shrugged. He didn’t know whether he should lie, dodge the question, or not answer at all.

Conversation was easy for Tennessee. Brief, and only what he wanted to say. He didn’t speak about things he didn’t want to discuss. But with this child, it had been different from his first meeting. He hadn’t expected to easily reveal his destination when asked where he was going. It was half unconscious. Like reciting something memorized, whenever the child prodded slightly, he found himself opening up without realizing it.

“How old were you then?”

Tennessee was gradually losing his appetite. This wasn’t the kind of conversation to have while eating. The only fortunate thing was that there wasn’t any cheap curiosity or interest in the child’s eyes. It wasn’t that Tennessee couldn’t understand him. Even after seeing the scars, the child particularly asked many such questions.

Though clearly asking about people he had killed, his attitude was as if he was asking about who had killed Tennessee. As if Tennessee had chosen murder as a last resort after being backed into a corner. But the reality was different.

Tennessee couldn’t decide whether he should wake the child from his fantasy and make him face the cold reality, or let him remain in his innocence. Children had always been difficult for Tennessee. Women were easier to deal with.

“Hey.”

When Tennessee finally spoke, the child quickly looked up.

“I’ll answer most things, but you need to be careful about what you ask.”

It was an incredibly ominous remark. With those foreboding words, Tennessee completely destroyed the child’s appetite, dragging it down to rock bottom, and then cheerfully finished his sandwich.

This is what you get after ruining my appetite. While Tennessee finished his salad, sandwich, and drink, the child had only managed two and a half more bites.

Now he’ll be quiet.

Tennessee prepared to go to the hotel’s fitness facility. During the past couple of weeks, driving was what he did most, followed by exercise. Since he’d been eating sweets with the child, his body felt heavy, so he ended up exercising more.

When he took off his shirt, he could feel the child’s gaze. Even to Tennessee, his upper body was quite unsightly. Especially his arms, abdomen, and shoulder blades. Though he couldn’t see it himself, his back was also covered in small scars.

“Tell me.”

Just when he thought he had given up, the child asked. After changing into a comfortable t-shirt, Tennessee responded.

“No.”

“…Didn’t you just say you’d answer most things?”

“This isn’t ‘most things.'”

With those words, Tennessee left the room, almost teasingly leaving the child behind. He could almost hear him fuming. What Tennessee had told the child was true. If there wasn’t much risk involved, he wanted to tell him. He didn’t know why. Even though the more he revealed, the more dangerous it could be for the child, and he might be overcomed by fear.

Tennessee focused on his workout. He consciously tried not to think about anything.

‘Kid.’

Damn it.

With irritation, Tennessee put down the dumbbell. Only an hour had passed.

‘Kiddo, come here.’

Tennessee’s first kill was nothing special.

‘…Were they really bad people?’

Tennessee had never once opened up about his first kill. Because it wasn’t a medal of honor, but a nightmare.

***

Upon returning to the hotel room, Tennessee called the child, who stared at the sweat-soaked Tennessee before scampering over. He noticed that Tennessee’s cheeks and neck were particularly red as his body hadn’t cooled down yet. He hadn’t noticed due to his pale skin, but this sweaty, heated appearance suited him too.

The black clothes were already soaked with sweat. Tennessee grabbed the chest area of his t-shirt and roughly wiped his forehead.

“Hand.”

Despite the sudden request, the child obediently held out his wrist. While the child thoroughly examined Tennessee’s face that hadn’t cooled down yet, he carefully looked at his wrist. Only about ten days had passed, and unlike his initial thin and bony appearance, now he looked taller and bigger. That was a change that quite pleased Tennessee.

Tennessee unwrapped the bandage and checked the wound. The dark bruising that had been there was now almost gone. It was an amazingly fast recovery.

“Say ‘E’.”

The child, true to his age, spread his lips wide, showing a healthy color. Tennessee checked the inside of the gums where new teeth were growing.

“Thank you.”

The child said while looking into Tennessee’s eyes, and he nodded.

“Those guys from before, what did they do to you?”

If I were to touch Tennessee’s back as he asks this, I might get burned, the child thought absently. Coming back to his senses, the child shook his head.

“…They’re dead, right?”

Tennessee nodded. They were just worthless thugs. Tennessee, who had exceptional talent in handling guns, knew exactly where he had shot.

“What if it turns out they’re not dead and come back later like villains?”

“…”

The child seemed quite serious. He needed to make him stop watching Netflix.

“Don’t worry about that.”

“Okay.”

After his imagination ran wide, he let out a sigh of relief at Tennessee’s words. Such behavior from the child was unfamiliar to Tennessee. Surely he isn’t feeling relieved just because I told him not to worry…

Dummy. After being so wary of people at first, now he trusts too easily. Tennessee, who had stood up, opened the drawer and found something rustling in the corner. It was a plastic bag. Tennessee untied the neatly tied knot.

Inside was the child’s jacket. It was something he had bought him not long after they met. He wondered why the clothes were in here, but then noticed dirt and dust falling from it.

It was the clothes he had worn when he was taken by the gang, with traces of rolling on the alley floor still visible. Rather than paying to have this cleaned, it would be better to just buy a new one.

“Ah, that’s mine.”

“I know.”

Tennessee put it in the trash can, bag and all. The child’s mouth fell open helplessly.

“You’re throwing it away?”

“I’ll buy you a new one.”

“…”

Isn’t it just dirty clothes anyway? Even though he said he’d buy a new one, the child’s expression didn’t brighten. Such incomprehensibility was again unfamiliar to Tennessee.

“You don’t want me to throw it away?”

“…Yes. I’d rather you didn’t.”

The child, who answered honestly, retrieved the clothes from the trash can. With rustling sounds, he pulled out the jacket covered in dirt, dust, and all sorts of filth.

The drooping corners of his eyes bothered him. The child tried to dust it off, but it was no use.

Unable to watch his pitiful display any longer, Tennessee picked up the hotel phone. He pressed the button that connected directly to the laundry service. After stating the type and number of clothes to be washed, he arranged for staff to come collect the clothes.

“Put it here.”

When he pointed to the basket, the child, understanding the situation, put the jacket in. His eyes sparkled like a dog receiving treats. Then Tennessee took an overall look at the child’s clothes. Though he wasn’t noticeably dirty since he had been washed somewhat, it wouldn’t hurt to have him properly cleaned here.

“Take off your t-shirt too.”

Though the child rubbed his bare shoulders with hesitation, he put the top in the laundry basket without a trace of doubt. It was such a different reaction from before. Tennessee couldn’t tell if the child was stupid or naive. He could be both. Feeling unsettled, Tennessee put a cigarette in his mouth.

“Put that in here too.”

While giving the order, Tennessee’s eyes pointed to his pants. The child hesitated with his hands on the buckle before slowly taking off his pants.

Now the child was wearing nothing but underwear. Although he had been dressed casually, he seemed self-conscious standing before the fully-dressed Tennessee and avoided eye contact. By this point, Tennessee was truly dumbfounded. You had to be careful even with people you’d known for years.

“That too.”

Tennessee’s words make the child’s hands reflexively move toward his underwear. The child, who was holding the waistband of his underwear, hesitated and glanced at Tennessee.

He wouldn’t actually take it off, right? Just as Tennessee thought this and was about to speak, the child’s underwear faintly began to lower. At this point, Tennessee’s irritation immediately surfaced.

“Are you stupid?”

“…What? But, you told me to take it off.”

“If someone tells you to strip, you’ll just do it?”

“Not usually, but because it’s Tennessee…”

“What about me?”

Tennessee sat up. Feeling intimidated by that movement, the child stepped back twice.

“Are you going to live your life doing whatever people tell you to do? Didn’t I tell you not to trust people?”

“But…”

“What did I say?”

“…You said not to trust people. But,”

“Are you talking back?”

“No…”

Tennessee took out one of his shirts and threw it to the child. Since it wasn’t thrown hard, the child caught it easily.

Only then did the child hurriedly put on the clothes. Due to the size difference, Tennessee’s t-shirt reached down to the child’s hips.

I can’t have him without clothes like this. Seems like I need to buy a jacket and more clothes.

Just then, an employee came to collect the laundry and rang the bell. While handing over the clothes the child had taken off, Tennessee rubbed his head from needless fatigue.

‘Not usually, but because it’s Tennessee…’

It was absurd. What had he done to make the child so obedient? How long had it been since the last time the kid had been defensive? And yet, the funniest part was how carefree the kid still managed to be. Even now, the child was sitting carelessly watching TV.

Come to think of it, I didn’t shower after exercising. Tennessee threw off his own sweaty clothes. He was planning to cool his head while showering, but again a gaze fell on him.

Despite being in the wrong, the child was sulking with pursed lips.

“Stop looking at my body.”

“But Tennessee’s the one putting his body in front of my eyes.”

As he had noticed several times before, the times he talked back had increased.