USU Ch 1

“Honey.”

A low voice calls me.

“Do you want to sleep with my brother?”

I couldn’t even scoff at the absurd remark. I was putting on my pants on one leg and just turned my head to look at him. Seo Kijoon was grinning, his chin resting on his hand.

“Aren’t you interested in a threesome?”

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

Let alone a threesome, I wasn’t even used to sex. He’d never guess how embarrassed I still am every time I spread my legs beneath him.

Seo Kijoon will never know for the rest of his life that he’s my first sexual partner. He won’t know until I die, unless I blab it myself.

Even though I made it clear that I wasn’t even considering a threesome, he continued to babble carelessly. He’s always been like that.

“Oh, are you misunderstanding something? Don’t worry, my brother doesn’t have the hobby of being topped.”

Making a circle with his thumb and index finger, Seo Kijoon poked his finger in and out of it. My brow furrowed involuntarily at the obscene gesture. Pervert.

But having known him for so long, as if his vulgar nature had infected me, my lower body heated up and throbbed. Just a moment ago, my legs were spread wide open and my stomach was churning, so the reaction was quick. Just thinking about how he touched me made my core tingle.

“Are you hard, honey?”

He knew my body better than I did, so there’s no way he wouldn’t have noticed. He’s always been very perceptive.

I didn’t want to admit that I got hard at just an obscene hand gesture, like some rookie, so I kept my mouth shut. Seo Kijoon, taking my silence as an affirmation, smirked and came closer. He hugged me from behind and lightly nibbled on my earlobe.

“Hng, hey…!”

“You always get angry even though you like it. Fix that. You won’t get a lover like that.”

His words made me stop dead in my tracks. Because they were the last words I wanted to hear from someone I liked.

Suppressing the rising surge of sadness, I retorted.

“…You too.”

“I’m not making one.”

Seo Kijoon replied leisurely. Actually, he was right. Unlike me, whose only sexual partner is Seo Kijoon and will likely remain so, he easily sleeps with anyone he exchanges a few words with at the bar. Regardless of gender, of course.

Thinking about it, I was so frustrated that I tried to avoid his hand as it suddenly invaded my pants, but the touch that delved between my legs was faster.

“Ah….”

My waist buckled and I bent forward from the direct stimulation. Seo Kijoon held me from behind, one hand between my legs and the other gently caressing my lower abdomen. Uncontrollable heat bloomed wherever his touch landed. Like a fool, I loved it so much, I loved the feeling of his skin against mine so much that I felt like tears would well up.

“Ah, ugh. Stop…”

“Stop what? You started it.”

He said as he carelessly toyed with me. But the mere fact that Seo Kijoon was touching me was enough to excite me.

“Ung…”

“See? You’re so turned on. You’re such a slut.”

Seo Kijoon chuckled softly. His hot breath kept tickling my ear. Even that felt like sexual stimulation, and when I bucked my hips, he dragged me to the bed and laid me down, still holding me from behind. My vision spun, and I saw him on top of me.

“This is why I asked you to do it with my brother.”

Long, beautiful fingers, like those of a long-time pianist, parted my thighs and entered.

“You’ll definitely like it.”

No way, I only want you…

“Think about it, Yeo Eungyeom.”

He grinned down at me, casting a long shadow. Innocent, like a child anticipating a fun prank.

＊＊＊

Every morning at nine o’clock. The alarm signaling the start of the day rang noisily beside my head. I reached up and turned off the phone alarm, then slowly got out of bed. I had severe hypotension, so a sudden awakening was out of the question. I tidied up my messy hair and slipped my feet into the slippers placed under the bed.

I drank a glass of warm water and ate breakfast. I had no appetite as soon as I woke up, so I just had an apple and yogurt, but I suddenly remembered what Seo Kijoon had said yesterday. I clicked my tongue involuntarily.

“He really does everything, doesn’t he?”

Even when he asked if I would sleep with his brother, he casually used the term “honey” as usual. Seo Kijoon’s use of the term “honey” for me has no great meaning. He knows that, and I know that too.

Ever since he learned that I hate it, he’s called me “honey” as a habit. Now I’m used to it. No, to be honest, I quite like it. Because for that moment, it feels like Seo Kijoon and I are in a special relationship.

Seo Kijoon is a thug and a scoundrel. He’s foul-mouthed in bed, and the aftercare isn’t good either. But we have good sexual chemistry, so to speak, and since I like him, I can’t break off our relationship.

Actually, far from breaking it off, I’m in a position where I’m worried that Seo Kijoon will suddenly leave me one day.

‘I’m getting tired of you now.’ 

I’m holding on tight to the thread of our relationship so he can’t say that and end our arrangement. He’s fickle, so he could do that at any time.

And yet, why do I like Seo Kijoon…? Well. Isn’t most love like this? They say that the moment you can clearly state the reasons, you’re in love with the reasons, not the person. I don’t remember when I fell for that maniac. I must have fallen for him very slowly. It’s hard to even guess, that’s how long Seo Kijoon and I have spent together.

I put down the apple I was eating and counted on my fingers, one by one. Since I first met Seo Kijoon in high school… it’s been a whopping 10 years. In other words, it’s been about the same amount of time since I started liking him.

They say even mountains and rivers change in ten years, so why do I still like Seo Kijoon?

When will this terrible unrequited love end? Just waiting for the end was exhausting me day by day.

＊＊＊

“Oh, you’re here, sir?”

“Hello, Ms. Sua. Everything alright?”

Autumn mornings and evenings are a bit chilly. I closed the glass door, blocking out the cool outside air. I draped my brown coat over my arm and walked behind the counter. The rich, bitter aroma of coffee beans filled my nose.

“Yeah, same as usual.”

Min Sua responded with a small laugh and soon disappeared to take orders. I entered the staff room at the back and opened the locker with my name on it. I took out my apron, which I had brought home to wash, and put my coat and bag inside. The locker door closed with a hollow thud.

I didn’t start this cafe; it originally belonged to my older sister. If it weren’t for my ten-year-old nephew’s study abroad program in Canada, it would never have fallen into my hands. Although it’s an independent cafe, not a franchise, it has a steady stream of regular customers, and my sister, not wanting to lose her prime location, entrusted me with the temporary management of the store.

[It’s not like you majored in business administration for nothing. I’ll leave it to you.]

I don’t know what kind of potential she saw between running a cafe and my major, though.

Just as I was about to leave the staff room, Min Sua knocked.

“Sir, are you changed? We have a bit of a backlog of orders!”

“Yes, I’m coming out.”

We’ve been short-staffed lately because the manager quit. I dusted off my apron and stepped up to the counter. Min Sua seemed very busy doing the piled-up dishes, probably checking for clean cups.

“Thank you for waiting. What can I get for you?”

I used to visit about three times a week to check on things, but with the shortage of staff, I’ve been coming in almost every day. However, since I don’t have any expertise in coffee, there’s a limit to what I can do. I’m in charge of orders and cleaning.

The female customers blushed as they looked at me, then began reciting their orders. I saw their hands tremble shyly as they handed me their cards. Other people say I should be happy in these situations, but my heart, which only reacts to Seo Kijoon, seems to be far from normal.

“I’ll let you know with the buzzer when your drinks are ready.”

My back ached from being tormented by Seo Kijoon all night. Ah, I want to rest at home, so I need to find a manager quickly. That was the only thought that crossed my mind as I took orders.

And as expected, the situation didn’t deviate much from my expectations. I noticed one of the female customers glancing at me while she drank her coffee, and eventually she approached me.

She played with the ends of her long hair and asked shyly,

“Excuse me, do you have a girlfriend?”

I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do have a fuck buddy.

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

I gave a moderate rejection, and the woman’s face flushed red. She tucked her long hair behind her ear and stammered. This, too, was a familiar situation.

“Ah, I knew you did. I’m not usually this forward, but you’re so handsome… Um… Can I still come back for coffee? The coffee here is really good.”

“Of course, please come anytime. Thank you.”

It might sound arrogant, but being used to confessions, I felt quite indifferent to the whole situation. Whether the coffee taste was an excuse or not, I was happy to have a returning customer.

But just as the woman was about to turn away, a dark shadow fell over her. The woman, who almost bumped her face into the man’s chest, stumbled back and apologized.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, you might not have seen me.”

The man smiling brightly was none other than Seo Kijoon.

What’s he doing here…? No, more importantly, did he hear our conversation just now?

I already knew he had no interest in me, but a part of me still clung to a foolish hope.

“What brings you all the way here?”

He exaggeratedly shrugged at my question. With his droopy eyebrows, he looked like a rained-on puppy, but knowing he wasn’t like that at all, I gave him an impassive look.

“Wow, honey. Is it okay to react so coldly?”

“Cut it out. You want coffee?”

“No, I came to have dinner together.”

Figures. He came because he was bored. He often visits the cafe without any particular reason, probably because he finds it amusing how I react to his every move.

He must have heard our conversation, but he didn’t react at all. I was indifferent because I expected it, but I couldn’t help but feel hurt. We’re practically sleeping together almost every day, how can he be so indifferent?

“Oh, Kijoon oppa. What brings you here?”

“Why are you two asking me the same question? What? Am I not allowed to come here?”

Min Sua, who had come back from taking out the trash, popped her head in and asked. Seo Kijoon chuckled and chided her. Used to his teasing, Min Sua simply narrowed her eyes.

“Give me coffee.”

“Are you two in cahoots? You’re going to say that whenever I come here?”

“Come on, are you giving it to me or not?”

“Forget it, just do your work.”

Seo Kijoon, resting one arm on the counter, spoke curtly and waved his hand. Seeing him smirk, Min Sua responded halfheartedly, “Yes, yes,” and turned away.

As the two bickered in their usual manner, my mood sank further than before.

I was already fully aware that he had no interest in me. But facing his usual behavior made a part of my heart crumble. There was a big difference between knowing something intellectually and actually experiencing it.

Is Seo Kijoon really indifferent?

I just got hit on by a girl. You saw that too. You heard everything, and you have absolutely nothing to say?

I thought I was quite calm, but I wasn’t. I was quickly overcome with sadness. It would probably have been less so if he hadn’t been spouting nonsense yesterday. Two consecutive blows in a row hit me harder than I thought.

“Honey, let’s go eat.”

Seo Kijoon, who had been standing there, suddenly came close and wrapped his arms around my waist. I was startled. Even though he sleeps around regardless of gender, he’s never been this physically affectionate in broad daylight.

Sensing my body stiffen, Seo Kijoon smirked. He asked, almost hugging me,

“What are you imagining right now?”

Then, as if mocking me, he slowly untied the apron strings tied behind my waist.

“Why? Do you want to eat something else instead of dinner?”

“Shut up.”

Seo Kijoon pulled away from me, grinning. Irritation surged, but I quickly suppressed it. He probably wanted me to overreact, so I had no intention of letting him have his way.

“Huh? Sir, you haven’t gone to lunch yet? Don’t forget my lunch break starts at one! My boyfriend’s coming today, so I can’t be late!”

Min Sua suddenly appeared and said. Whether we were the boss or an employee, we all had an equal one-hour lunch break.

At Min Sua’s nagging, Seo Kijoon hummed and chuckled. Then, he leaned slightly towards me and whispered,

“Too bad, we’ll have to do it next time, what should we do?”

“I told you to shut up.”

Even as I ignored his mischievous question, sadness piled up in my heart.

After the two afternoon shift employees arrived, Min Sua and I, the morning shift workers, left work together.

“Oh, right. You’re not coming in tomorrow, are you?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll see you the day after tomorrow! Get some rest!”

Sua waved goodbye. Next to her stood her boyfriend. He saw me and gave a reluctant nod. He must have waited nearby until her shift ended since they had lunch together.

I simply nodded back, and the two turned their backs to me, arms linked, and walked away.

Funnily enough, Sua’s boyfriend was wary of me from our first meeting. At first, he seemed to have only heard that I was a “young boss,” so he visited the cafe without hesitation. But as soon as he saw my face, he acted like a porcupine with all its quills raised. He seemed to feel threatened that I might steal Min Sua from him. But who cares. Neither Min Sua nor I had any romantic interest in each other.

I just envied Min Sua, who had a boyfriend who openly showed affection. I imagined myself and Seo Kijoon in their place and scoffed. It was so incongruous; it felt like looking at mismatched puzzle pieces.

A chill seeped through my collar, and I involuntarily shrugged. I put my hands in my coat pockets and walked slowly. The cafe was close to my house, so I could easily walk there and back without having to drive.

As I walked down the street, I felt a strange emotion, unlike myself. Maybe it was because of the fall, but I wondered if this was what it felt like to be lonely. Everywhere I looked, there were couples affectionately clinging to each other.

Seo Kijoon and I would never develop into the kind of relationship I wanted, not in a lifetime. Unless there was a dramatic change. His behavior earlier that day had made that clear.

The sudden loneliness turned into impulsiveness, and impulsiveness spurred me to action. I wanted to create some kind of ripple, whatever it might be, in our stagnant relationship.

I took out my phone and searched for Seo Kijoon’s name. My finger hovered over the call button for a moment. I took a deep breath and called him. He seemed busy, as the ringing tone continued for a long time. As I walked, waiting for him to answer, lovers in love kept appearing and disappearing from my sight.

It wasn’t until I reached the crosswalk with the red light on that he finally answered.

—Hello.

“It’s me.”

At my unnecessary explanation, a faint chuckle, like a gentle breeze, came from the other end of the line. For some reason, it made my heart flutter like a fool.

—Even after doing that yesterday, you want to do it again?

“Seo Kijoon.”

—Yes, honey.

Instead of asking “why,” he answered with “yes,” and I liked it. It felt like he was saying it was okay to call him even if I didn’t have anything specific to say.

Even though it had only been a few hours since he had acted indifferent to me being hit on, I still liked him like crazy. But proportionately, sadness and misery also grew in size.

“What you said yesterday…”

I swallowed hard. I don’t know about him, but it took a lot of resolve and courage for me.

Is this really the right decision? Anyone else would be horrified, but the other party was Seo Kijoon’s brother. The brother whose existence I hadn’t known until he mentioned him yesterday.

But the wounds that had already scratched my heart and the sight of loving couples passing by quickly eroded my reason. I couldn’t break off our relationship on my own, so I wanted to choose to create even a small ripple. Despite my cautious nature, which usually has me looking before I leap, this time I decided to throw myself into an unfamiliar impulse.

Finally, I spoke clearly and emphatically.

“Let’s do it, with your brother.”