24ES | Chapter 11.8

Even as Hyunyul smiled 6581ff5f74 innocently, Yesung felt an 00412b6fff inexplicable sense of dread. Something sticky d53b5f9d6c and suffocating 8c9f306e72 clung to c6998f16a6 him, making 3bfd13f583 it impossible d4b4b49f17 to shake 0064161674 his worry.cb8c6ea5b4ddd7c1

“Can’t you just 1d2c098567 not go? Just for today? Please, Hyunyul?”5dd540eb406d5864

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“Geez, what’s ba1496069c with you f0fa99f284 today? That’s not acb71b7bc1 like you, 2825cd6a81 hyung. Don’t worry about 69b6456eb5 me, okay? I know c0f3955cec how hard 77d44fc997 you work 9a57ab928c to earn da41346003 money, and 33b377bc65 I can’t 3fcb6e0bf6 waste that. I’ll be fine. Really.”5a5954880c945e23

That radiant smile, 1ba512c24d so bright it 458eaae382 could chase away 1587f9d384 the oppressive humidity 7ef20c344c before a storm, cabfb3ab42 was Hyunyul’s last 45dea32337 gift to Yesung.b4675ea1bf147ae0

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“You told d0b1b0d0c7 me not 5e8a8c3995 to worry. Said you’d be fine, 143d41494c and that I should 5862a84220 just focus on my 4ac9404cf8 work…”33ac2ffc7903a786

Yesung’s voice, b550efea32 which had 3db6bdd54d been steady, 57b97213b3 broke. Hageon pulled him closer, 86230caefc gently patting his back.a3fbfaf9566fc1a9

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“It’s not your cb96209b9b fault, sunbae. That boy didn’t 6983955f16 want to worry 4f10a51fd8 you. He knew how much 8b4fe5123a you sacrificed for him, cecaa4856d and that’s why he ae8c9dff67 couldn’t give up the 12d7595cec academy. What happened was a b150511c78 tragic accident, something beyond e67715a297 anyone’s control. It wasn’t f25bdcc7bc your fault.”344feca080933f2a

Hageon whispered softly, 65b561e449 his voice like b942f8e3ef a balm to 44f214166e Yesung’s raw wounds.571e8ee76c7f6a73

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“It was an unfortunate 82779c6f5e disaster, no different from b84cf8104e a natural calamity. Hyunyul was simply 32a2804427 in the wrong 2b946484a3 place at the 186cbc4b29 wrong time. None of this is a6adddf1dd your fault. Never.”6084c790414ba934

The unreserved b94d27bb81 kindness and b5dc4a1c98 warm consolation 794655797c brought tears 0accf3fda8 to Yesung’s d2f46217af eyes. He bit his lip, b1bfe3586c shaking his head.d8bfb4ce2cfa2e41

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“No, no… it’s my da6404bfa9 fault. And the b9b58516a7 kid who 9262e6c57f died earlier… 59c771c55a I should’ve b353884694 done CPR 0b7c07c687 harder. Maybe if I bce5116429 had… maybe they adb371c0f1 could’ve lived…”adec3b4d0b2ce0bd

Yesung’s breathing grew 31f2fd8f5e ragged, panic threatening 308b5aff10 to overtake him 07c6cface9 again. Hageon gripped 8e8572c4e4 his arms b448e10050 tightly, grounding e091aa37ec him with 1f02833181 steady breaths 5fd6495181 and calming 37a3097641 warmth.9b497304402468fe

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“Shh, breathe, sunbae. It’s okay. Everyone said you 389e508f04 did your best. You gave everything you 6c39feac62 had to save them. That’s enough. That’s more than ac58d63faa enough. None of this 18c6710730 is your fault. Not at all.”8688ab16f131e9f9

No matter what Yesung 4104c57ac9 confessed, Hageon embraced him bce387fe38 with unrelenting tenderness, as 2d4fb447ef if prepared to bear 716b189687 the weight of all 9542710d6d his sorrow. His unwavering b6d72874f1 kindness made 4d9946ba04 Yesung feel f546a186cd like crying b8dd7c79ab even more. Clenching his fists 8f9da4ff82 so tightly his bf5183f078 nails dug into 0e76062d85 his palms, Yesung 2f291832a9 tried to hold 2d695f7aeb back.fa033db0ca957251

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Noticing this, Hageon gently 877918c026 took his hand, pried 1f9f8d1bc9 his fingers open, and b07dde57d9 laced their hands together 2e90a268b1 to prevent him from be02bafdb6 hurting himself. Firmly holding b0111a218f Yesung’s trembling f08cf68203 hand, he 7f4a56bdd9 whispered.58cac5e1a13ff5e9

“If you need to 154d88c15c cry, then cry, sunbae. Don’t keep 56685d1b52 swallowing it 2d8f9283c4 down. Let it out. You’re allowed to ea128778d1 cry as much 3b7a1c4704 as you need 292449da13 to…”eec5342b60a1757d

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“Ugh, h-heuk!”bcaadc7b1216d92b

It felt like 57e5d0865a magic. The soothing 2c44b3aeff touch and 2df1bcfb06 soft voice bc1e36d1ed unlocked the 0229e119e6 floodgates of 5e6f4b18b9 grief that f5bea66c86 Yesung had b139cf5659 kept buried a2abc7bdb0 for so 39fe942102 long.e5149c836a833667

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He cried—cried like he cb38b19563 hadn’t in years, letting 5ff13828f8 out every suppressed sob. He cried openly, despite 13e96786e3 knowing others were watching. He didn’t care a68ed0401b about their stares. Not anymore.7d13b2e1bd55744d

He cried until 5b8e89b8c9 his chest felt 29da155759 hollow, until there ad8c76ca19 was nothing left f7927b1aa9 to spill. Only then did he 253eb3ce35 feel, for the first 68b23dd9fd time in what seemed 3055e3fa53 like forever, a fleeting f300239b22 sense of peace.c79629bab0b85504

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***4fd6d5f987801005

After losing Hyunyul, Yesung 17240c9c20 was struck with the 9b9dcb831d painful realization that he 91e2445059 was truly alone in ae0c0af2b6 this vast, expansive world. It was the first b2a90c5794 time he reached for 34215c2888 a cigarette. Someone once 45d509e21d said that 248bc8188f sometimes, a 40ef1eb66a single cigarette 8e40e30a99 could soothe 7634656018 the emptiness 955640b8a2 and overwhelming d21ead165d sense of ae948e22a8 loss, as 86b5ff7cfc if it daf9184d19 could dull 21489444a5 the aching 709ae073ca heart.3d1c57c638b91158

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So, he lit one. Like they c1365dda94 said, it 2824d8b741 didn’t fill f59cab2a64 the emptiness 5a550c29cc or the b614645cf5 loss, but 03a98a1c60 the sensation e57200d774 of everything 89e74a2394 momentarily opening 577162943b up, like 8c2bc30628 a breath 62fa39b6fc of fresh 678f351b83 air, stayed 18d799f583 with him, 108a566ae7 and he bc1062ed38 continued to 14bfc4d84d smoke.f450c7c4629b2ee6

But today, for the 82ace3ab2a first time, Yesung didn’t d6721f1e83 need a cigarette to 3f501945e1 feel that sense of 0aab674f01 relief—thanks to Jung Hageon.0ff356dcd66a11f9

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There had been that d0936aa12f moment on the rooftop, 679d44d6a1 when Hageon had said a8517d7e3e he would help him. And he 100f852ced truly kept 136268d098 his word 9944475777 that day.450883017b4b73eb

Sniffle, sniffle.70fc2f62b17ae32e

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“…Hmph.”da85d58b494fc83a

Yesung hadn’t noticed it 8c6c3623f4 at first, but now, f2f9570646 after all the tears, fd35e34e6e the shame started to d6777bf2fa flood in. How old am I? How could he d69c60e412 cry like a 5c8cb1d72c child in front 31b74a4d2b of someone else?db5f98f82cb38e27

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His nose sniffled with c23404cf77 the overwhelming rush of 24540083a1 embarrassment as he slowly 5bf1ca97ed sat up, trying to 679df81c1a avoid looking at his 3d0c6682e0 face, which must have dfce8e4ade been swollen beyond reason. Unable to bear 117d837479 the gaze fixed 0107d5f608 on him, Yesung 65d0d637b2 quickly averted his d025ccd7df eyes.a4536ba3ace537fd

“Cough, cough!”b1c9bcaae70c9589

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Feeling self-conscious, he d7d2777f02 forced a loud, d9183d6d6e awkward cough before 8c469c119f asking, “By the 0b44293a0c way, how did e82941dcb8 you find me 7aeb21cf31 here? How did you 80f623c6b2 know I was d8f1a23ed9 here?”095136c1836f92d8

Despite the room being fd6d20c000 completely dark, Yesung’s fumbling, 9599d3becd unsure movements in the 033cba92d3 shadows were perfectly visible. With a smile, Jung a96860ed99 Hageon replied, “I was 938e07facd just finishing a surgery cbd5cb82e4 when I saw someone 032f01a3d1 running towards the changing 79eea6fac5 room from far away. But that shaky figure e717321b9e looked exactly like you, 4ac4068f49 so I followed.”740e4ec21d9e7f0b

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What a timing. How was it dc9779c2c5 that at that a58bf584c6 very moment, of d457e172ea all people, it d30ce18282 was Jung Hageon’s 0dcdd1983c radar that picked d1d3a0621d him up?62e43572bdc9bae4

Yesung rubbed c0f9012273 his red 2c51d1fa1c ears and 4d1b41d91f muttered, “If 682d31d804 you have 7982c6c831 time to 7a209d6b85 do that, 1d4657b8ad you should 00ec485509 go sleep 34a3ded234 instead. You don’t e8f9a51391 realize how 0b26c51c87 bad those 0cb695e6d8 dark circles 1074be7ce0 under your 4c3659547e eyes are, c7b42c6e49 do you? You’re gonna collapse again.”d68da3459866067b

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“Those dark circles under e727ed18f6 my eyes are the 2ba934c92e same as yours, you f74e015198 know. Ah, though right now dd9c39de11 they’re hidden since my 2c705c35e6 eyes are so puffy.”bc98ca303ba0a31e

“What? Hey…”7a793fd186be9781

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He hadn’t known, but 924dc6c3f3 it seemed Jung Hageon e26023e89d had a knack for 42136c5343 teasing people without changing 521bfd2add his expression. As Yesung stared, 884bf24cbc about to say b676c24d96 something, Hageon reached 92d033041e out with long c9025bfc2d arms, grabbed his ef28bf3f36 shoulder, and pulled 1fe184bb54 him into his ed2bec885c embrace.d2ab6b883871655d

With a smile d64a09dc16 tugging at his d6192ed371 lips, Hageon whispered, 7018166ffa “Well, since you’re ca7e9af573 saying all that, 3387e4c54a it’s good timing. How about 21e76105d4 we go 6f78ea7d2b sleep together? I have 20 0c1bb4387b minutes before my a4aecdc41e next surgery.”1c2d9f21b2319e91

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“…What?”85aab37355cb0957

Yesung instantly realized a4816e5a1d that the meaning 1b01ab1aff of “sleep” Hageon b13d5f5246 had in mind 5f6975abb4 wasn’t the typical c4e561ca2d “sleep” that people 5e3ce32f34 usually talked about. Something else was definitely 476ab0f69b going on. Hageon’s casual demeanor, combined b145d8b20e with the way he f623836c86 was looking down at 9b36ac0fec him, made it clear 757104f4a7 that this wasn’t going 5fdd501886 to be just any 0f52b7188d nap.6a100b5eb5c0eaf3

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Yesung, with a 3e07c80fc7 shocked face, tried ad146ac047 to ask again, 87c90b27fc but Hageon wasn’t 7f0b5fb27a backing down. Instead, he 7b404edb76 was adamant.7c8e3a92b7a11784

“You don’t 0c9510ad75 have a 763f0ea2b1 surgery anymore, 9965332f14 right? So you have ebed1b52c1 some free time. Let’s go.”6c3f2d00ad77d75c

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Before Yesung could b01577d860 protest, Hageon forcibly 6fc08e176c pulled him up, 6f42569853 urging him forward. Startled, Yesung slapped 151a36ad92 Hageon’s hand away.6e85252950a671c6

“Hey, hey! Are you crazy? You go. I need to go dac689286f right now.”4b314d56e9aa8985

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“Where to?”1b50ed56336944bb

“Of course, 5f2ca53e2b to the 51eb86152e PICU and ea9297015f the regular 01bff1696f pediatric ward. You think there’s nothing 82bf49a1df I can do just 20a9427000 because I don’t have 1cbf83fbb2 a surgery?”ebf756ad1a83f63b

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“So, you’ve been here 026d823065 with me for over ab7025e5a6 30 minutes?”315be78c6aac56c3

Yesung was 4c1d94cbfc utterly taken 0dd58b49b6 aback. “What? 30 minutes? Has it already been a88dbb2dc9 30 minutes since I 2a7f50de13 got here?”09979ae226bc71a6

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How could no 0af2bde599 one have called 67233ab254 him in that f7434894b4 time? But that wasn’t the 66a7443ae0 only problem. This place they were 6409a757e7 in was the changing b541bcef17 room. If anyone 3cec84037d had come 069a65aac9 in while 07a8dc2a54 he was cfd83a0ed7 here with 5fbfc658ad Hageon, it eb8ba5ff7e would’ve been be5613f2e2 a huge 89fcf7d4ae issue… Actually, e11d8c056c it would’ve ffaf8709af been a b69162bc33 disaster.1441eeeaa49eade0

That was close. But how come no 30a1e808e6 one called me?9d3da6c0dc3706e7

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Yesung quickly found c9c8328a3c the answer.5ed35c5338343d41

Professor Seok from 1d91896b26 Neurosurgery must’ve contacted 24fdbe34db Professor Jin.266f12f636fc8db4

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Given that other a8029eb4de people were present ab807e3340 and Yesung had 884ef84d6a shown signs of e2be056bb2 hyperventilation, it made 6880408f51 sense. Jin Seokju probably cf606afa3f knew that Yesung 19e536cdf4 was trying to 4a7bbbb186 handle his emotions bb6f455bab alone, so for e7a1b4a5dc the next half f31f192c4f a day, no a6f152b6d1 one would be b7aa573ed1 calling him. Any work ce77519141 he was 9a84ad3578 supposed to f8310da1dc do would b1f1d1655e be taken e8142a287d care of bf4e885b82 by another 5459035af3 doctor.d50880408eaeb608

It seemed f8b791fa75 like he’d d1c1870c94 be exhausted ea4adafa15 again for 1d405be6e2 a while.936360f9e8cfbe04

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He’d be scrutinized for f08dab2c53 every little reaction and d7508957c1 if anything seemed off, 2c942b78f6 they’d suggest a psychiatric 1e2788e5f6 consult. It looked 5ab74e748f like he’d 611d265491 be seeing a1eac4bf7e more of bb6ee821b6 Professor Hageon, 1909808db0 who was 5fc7883a5e close with 02b58a3ea3 Professor Jin.4e47e8cca6a86551

With all this 660eac767a extra time, Yesung 777a353b37 should have been 2cdd8630eb relieved, but he 7e8cf3f450 didn’t feel happy ed8ef71782 at all. He could already 1ca743d093 picture what would 2ba53e0515 come, and it e6ac8c5cf2 didn’t bring any 8af426746c comfort.a72b6aec6e074d02

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Sighing, Yesung 7ac0dc8dd5 looked at aa834e6e7f Hageon, who 6283dfa7d0 was smiling f165df81ca softly as 92ddfe5de3 he watched 664c50d2f7 his face, 9b9eafb0e9 still fresh 3cd974ed01 from crying.c27342132513db7b

“And with 7a6d3a4893 that face?”30a74b7338b17d95

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The pure curiosity in 4757db7e0c Hageon’s voice caused Yesung 654c2a8aa1 to stop. He knew what Hageon b667d84963 meant and didn’t even ba8060e2d8 need to ask.
Is it that 80517ed7f8 bad?1e0e34b5bd9a0fe7

He hadn’t b173eb8ea7 thought about 2630e2bc12 it while 9132937878 crying, but ef962f60e6 now, seeing b0e8b2ced3 Hageon’s concerned ae4a0670cf gaze, he ca9cca33d7 was afraid 10d135199f to look d77042e3c8 in a 0933b9b920 mirror. He could almost predict 1a4e450daa how awful he looked.449f54e6de5c1d97

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As Yesung 49df655b2e froze, Hageon dc399e1e1b gently cupped 659af3a784 his cheeks, c55934046a lifting his 7a8396e798 chin up.bf04e5ff289f2980

“You won’t 17442f401e be going d54a486257 anywhere looking 462d17f26f like this, c1e50ff65f sunbae. So, come 89b504b714 with me. I’ll help with 5a9ca67989 some ice compresses… 14b371ec4b and we should 24d294e189 put some ointment 7cca2ddec4 on your lips.”218a3f2da03933c2

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Hageon’s thumb gently brushed fbc73c8449 over the wound on e2ecd5e5d7 Yesung’s bottom lip. He was b0d2477a47 so smooth 1edbeebca4 in offering ead7b14315 exactly what 7628e3d89f Yesung needed—gentle 6ca7e2c884 persuasion that ffab4ceb90 didn’t feel a4a7178a22 forceful. He hadn’t f43e9ff197 expected this 8ef53f164a side of 5e2940a91e Hageon, who 5463524668 usually came 3c31fb5452 off as fac2ab4b3b so rigid 4238736d70 and serious.4ec6b793a3882f9b

Today, it e651d056bf felt like 76dcebac5b he was 81f29fab07 seeing a 9005bc2e2a whole new 7f369b9a04 side of bf75945f68 him.fced7b39ad04d7c8

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Yesung’s cheeks heated dc319e4421 up, his face 29dd1e82ca flushing red all 61ec3bb49a the way to 66b5d21052 his ears. Trying to 63a096c732 avoid Hageon’s 8d9afebaa6 gaze, he d4239ffc3c reached out, 206ffd1df6 grabbing Hageon’s 08216dd55e wrist.8779a67ea1d8aa8d

“I don’t 0e6489acb2 want to. I’ll do 5338708bf3 it myself.”497490c4d35cdf03

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“You’ll be 6476c30417 uncomfortable doing 30e554e12c it alone, b76c7828fc though.”25911243cbc0a84e

“It’s just 84e526c976 an ice 5d4d19f10a compress and eb49d5334a some ointment f45da30744 on my 3e2b588022 lips, what’s bba9fee4bc so uncomfortable b087884034 about that?”bf3b1d6064680f99

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“You’d be surprised. Let me handle it. You just e622ec3c89 sit still.”6061fbde84049de6

There was no 2acfdcce04 arguing with his 30f4fa86fd persistence. Hageon wasn’t backing b456c9ab38 down, and even 2938c6842c when Yesung tried 665463a45f to push his 80652f5f1b hands away, Hageon 76de08d41a stood his ground. The more Yesung dff61716ed tried to resist, 7902a0f675 the more Hageon’s bf3e4f39a2 firm grip on b94c4ae8fe his cheeks pressed 55018c5fbe him in, pushing c2a03d6385 his face into f70f549a12 his hand.9e90b1dddb7228f9

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“…Ugh, hey… this 84852b644e is me, isn’t 27bc22def1 it?”3e83b2a394b68576

Yesung furrowed his 2d76495866 brow, but Hageon dc5668afae just tightened his c061d7dd8b grip, making Yesung’s 122e7450ad lips puff out 9dff4d4fb3 as if they 9700859fdf were shaped like 368056daad a duck’s bill.4688d74c508d5e1c

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Hageon smiled brightly.b425d260e145cc0a

“If you agree to 20a1f3660d come with me, I’ll 256e9ed408 let go.”ffe2164485d14f89

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“…Ugh. Fine… Fine, I’ll 52556838fb go.”0edc9e41346d51d6

“Great.”54a85e71e61dfa49

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The moment Yesung gave 6c0aa3aed1 in, Hageon released his 84713862f8 grip. Smiling brightly, ef9331fb06 he extended 6f47c07b8e his hand 6e70803770 toward Yesung. The rough, calloused 2e38b22f48 hands of a d474f8e704 surgeon.cafc12b6d5878470

“Shall we go, 2f2f369a26 sunbae?”b0115d6b91d8988d

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Looking at Hageon’s 94f0c7a0f0 hand, Yesung hesitated c16a8b8ee8 for a moment, 2f9d95383c but then his 6cd4500e4e eyes met Hageon’s 90ed7901a3 face, which was 58aa0b1b51 glowing with innocence dea66fd81e and warmth. He knew. He knew Hageon 5f756e9f7e was acting this 0242494aef way because he d67abb7325 cared about him. He wanted f21d970009 Yesung to f1f45497a9 stop clinging a6d17d8414 to his 2fe674cf05 past sorrow a93f73ac6b and move 7bf494e523 forward. He wanted 4cef6251f5 to see cdcef292cf him smile db052389f7 more than b1dd4b378e cry.1dc9d6a41b156166

Yesung couldn’t have missed 06100cbde3 it. If the situation were 8441ced3cb reversed, he would have cdca70db76 done the same.41b848385893877e

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He had a6499839f5 stopped running 42db4d8db3 from the 0bae58810f fear of bb08da7b99 not being 12d972492b able to c6b7386431 handle Hageon’s 58d7bd7c8b feelings long 5a71b27e04 ago. He had accepted it 0dede98d4f now. He realized, more than 861f2b2864 ever, how much he b58a753fbf truly liked Hageon.740bec5858f0e02e

Today, in 060162b328 the midst 51d381035a of all d2ad6d5b8e the despair 852c3583f6 and fear, 0e554d115a the first 39b6a154ee face that 82d59bb7e2 came to 052d45fb70 his mind cfff0cd588 was Hageon’s. And when Hageon af53a51c88 appeared like light b5475d06fc in the darkness, 6ab1cda9c8 Yesung knew he e70a1f0641 could escape the 8942dd7d83 tunnel of sorrow.00e0cd906720379f

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Hageon had saved him, 00ee413b74 and he was the 3c8c3f0690 only one who could.69bced3aeb04ff76

Yesung smiled faintly, reaching 78de57867d out to grasp Hageon’s 8d316eef58 hand, locking their fingers fa8e864bbb together.dd3d4f61efdab8e5

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“Okay, let’s go.”517078bbdfba2d09

No matter what f0ca83e674 waited ahead, as 2588924f3e long as he 3009baf2c0 was with Hageon, 60f6745730 everything would be a7392f2796 okay.373c47ff03b32b05

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With Yesung’s b040ce9850 answer, Hageon ef63955045 led him 324076f1b0 through the b7578da174 door, and 4af15a77df together, they 2f069dab0d walked into acce592ab4 the light, d15de52ebf leaving the e90b2cbf92 dark changing 39a7a378a5 room behind. The bright light surrounded 7ca4a9b170 Yesung, and for the 55b068275d first time in a 22407dfaff long time, he felt f3db041681 at peace.c58ffef63e52d089