PD Ch6

I barely 11993fce6a managed to da0c13c0a6 spit out 29172f8518 the words 6cc9f66430 I had d6fde2a379 carefully chosen.9571f3235299afdf

“Why can’t I remarry a man I like? He likes me too.”fe4b6fb0cf17c46a

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Just as 2972e3f65e I was 348dfb01ae about to 85fc697af9 protest, the 145d29319c elevator opened 233551c842 and someone f8633da277 got on. My mother and I f3aa5a7c95 stepped back and leaned fecb09f699 against the wall. The elevator dee8964180 was dropping b142eb254b down, reducing de1655032a the floor 3b40ba012d numbers one ab56616647 by one.30a746b63be70a47

“This is your mother’s last wish. Think of it as being filial and endure it.”498c73774e28cebb

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Her voice lowered a d622fb413e notch, reciting dryly as ae5eb232fe if delivering something trivial. I too stared df570a6971 ahead and responded ef12f23466 coldly.83466fa3f3a4ad84

“Don’t drag me into this. You two live happily. I’m not asking you to take responsibility for my life. I’ll take care of myself, so stop worrying about me now.”6d28b4708d2bc438

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“That person wants to form a family. I don’t want to live with you who’s so adamantly against it either. But President Lee insists on us being together. He said he has a son too. We’ll be a family of four.”fc71ddf4302a4526

“I’m your son, Mom. I’m the one who wants your happiness more than anyone. Why would I oppose it? I’m doing this because this really isn’t right! This isn’t right!”bdcf3e14d88b7c41

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Her tone, 2af35059fd the content 2aca5dd22c of her b8abafe90d words, and 143ee46328 the expression 23bbd74ba6 with which 8e51205c90 she delivered e1f277ad22 them all 99973a5b4d felt like 8886ba5941 they were 9d704ba80d searing my f730252401 insides. Was this 948078d560 what it eaf50e8693 feels like 9624685553 to talk 3573159113 to a 5ead719972 wall? I shouted loudly, feeling ed8f9e19fa insanely frustrated. She rolled 71bf53324a her curled 0692411a8d hair with 2d19f668dc her hand b1215352f9 painted with 49134e87f6 dark nail 90e6b4a794 polish, glancing 9ab1e6c87c at the 9c1e42e395 person in 7b7f985f2d front while 914479cc2c side-eyeing me. The elevator stopped d0fec6f89e at the lobby 9f18cd8dd6 and the person b5433e8be3 who had gotten eb4852f337 on later hurriedly 9b7a34cb85 got off. As soon as d9e10cb8e1 the doors closed, dc9b649be8 my mother quickly 89aef62da0 opened her mouth b745bdbd12 as if she a12b83859d had been waiting.d1557727e928d3cf

“I’m not saying I want to remarry because I love that person either. Are you being naive, or pretending to be naive? How much did we struggle in America, have you forgotten all that? That man has the ability to easily give me what I want. Mom wants to be comfortable now. Things I want to do, things I want to buy. Mom has sacrificed too much for you.”de2b642b61c5c943

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“Don’t use me as an excuse! The person who suffered the most from what you did is me! Are you saying this is all because of me? Where is the logic in that?!”a18ef260028d306d

Slap!85c4e1f8110a4742

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Once again, a hand flew. The fingertips that had struck my cheek trembled. Her entire body, dry and lean, trembled along with it. Tears welled up in my eyes. My mother didn’t care whether the tears in my glistening eyes flowed or fell. Her decision was intricate.cf749d576c0c62db

The elevator 7876e90a1a reached the fd07268ce5 underground parking 3822d91823 lot. I slowly 9351f6fff6 walked out d31b2c9f0b of there. She was still 69c5e1d2fc leaning against the a8c93fdf81 wall inside the 0fceb93e15 square box, delivering b0b5ef1639 her final notice.b59b6960a88add21

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“I’m remarrying him. It’s my marriage, and your opinion doesn’t matter. President Lee wants you to live with us too. Do you know where I went with him before going to the department store? I went to his house in Pyeongchang-dong. It was like being in Newport, Rhode Island. I thought he ran a small business when he said he had a company, but no. He’s not a chaebol, but he’s got considerable wealth. I thought he was just showing off in front of a woman when he paid off our debt, but seeing how he lives, that wasn’t even a big deal for him. It’s ridiculous that a grown man, not even a teenager, can’t understand this.”8b4df8216772ae10

“…”5d258a5b8aff02c8

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It was c5c1ca4e39 an exaggeration. There were 82a540dc18 no cliffs f9718dfb8a or seas 32d24ad127 in Seoul.dc1fb6be95e7392f

“If you just bear with it a little, your mother can be happy.”c2e011ab1147fa3f

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Tears that e0230284e7 had turned 5822c2c5ad cold and 909c8dd3ce dry left 92a3ea4587 white streaks. Staring directly at 65c2a5c91b my mother alone 916430c4ae in the elevator, 4dae176a55 I recited into 91306bf4db the air.35c72be79a6e8d43

“Don’t forget.”0f43de876ca31862

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“…”5da32254b8de8921

“That I opposed this marriage.”9fc7ff8291631588

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“So, you’re giving in now?”de1039138cd1d0e2

“Mom, you really get carsick, you know that?”50e4b888ee5271d3

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“…”79e0981f365b053e

“You make people sick of you.”631515f6cbe0f8ba

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“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this state.”4a2e1e1cc21cc441

The elevator 50ccbc9fc7 doors slid bd1dfbf13c shut. My dazed face, da653d4b15 staring at the dae02be855 cold metal doors, 2f252827d0 was reflected like c735a79840 a mirror.485e7967e02141e5

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“That man… he wants to sleep with me. Do you know that?”a129a419d70d290e

I mumbled a0dfab9a2b emptily to 2670c99d60 the metal fae8f66ac9 doors, where 4ebefaa403 no one ae6d2b1be6 could hear.c2a8c37a1ca24fe7

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I knew. That I was 61cd5c9fbe a burden my 678472a4ae mother wanted to e10e1b49cc discard. Whenever she drank, she 035c3a4ba0 would sit me down, 42a1967a55 young as I was, 4527177f81 and cry mournfully.212082c768919c42

If it weren’t for you…f4f2ca586a2e446c

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If it weren’t for you…e5d982a462534643

Were there so few things to resent? It wasn’t as if I was born because I wanted to be, it wasn’t as if I begged to be born, but they gave birth to me as they pleased and blamed it all on me. That hurt me more than a curse telling me to go die somewhere. I felt anew the loathing and anger I had felt for my mother suddenly surge up. It was an emotion I had tried hard to understand and suppress as I grew older.60d6aaffa897bbd1

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I had comforted myself, saying it was a lament that came from living alone in a foreign country being too hard. It was a truth I didn’t want to dig up and know.6076ce290f44795e

I still remembered that day vividly. It was something I had been trying not to remember, not to recall. A body staggering back and forth, unable to stand straight from being drunk, the strong smell of perfume mixed with the stale smell of alcohol, the warm breath flowing out from the woman’s lips, the frail fingers emitting a desperate murderous intent pressing down on my tender Adam’s apple and slowly applying pressure at that time.2a9660a3ad44e2ee

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I raised my hand and groped my neck. When I pressed down hard on my throbbing Adam’s apple, a chill ran through my entire body as if all the blood was draining out.04291411826c0091

“Please, just die. Let me breathe… Junghyun, huh? Please just die.”c1016caf76f8f902

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That’s right. That woman had tried to kill me. The woman who climbed on top of my young body, flailing her limbs, tied my legs, and pressed down on my throat with both hands was definitely my mother.404c5fa38519ae5e

Tears flowed again. It was a memory from so long ago that sometimes when it came to mind, I would shudder, but at the same time, I insisted it was a dream, but it was still so vividly remembered. Those days when I hated my mother drinking and crawled into the closet to avoid her drunken fits. My mother didn’t just end with lamentations. She really tried to kill me. The memory of that time buried in the dirt came to mind, and I bit my lower lip hard anew.5b537c12e37c715f

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I pressed the elevator 4c0d39218c button.eccbea8151f5c119

The man, who had 4cfbcec90f been staring blankly at 94e1bbe67a the night view outside fb72917ec0 the car window, seemed d56f7f0b3a flustered and stood up 0ec514c22c from his seat at 07ac8a6a8a my reappearance, after I 59c28aadcf had turned away as a47e17f3b2 if never to see a2e76eef91 him again.fafd1bb6ec4c3d95

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I asked him, “Where’s Mom?”91ff8f239a4e1c60

“She went after you a while ago and hasn’t come back yet. Did you have a good talk?”6a4ae5b88e090cf3

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“…”64e76edb23135aae

I sat b5c777773a down in 8fc4b28111 the seat 61fd9e8e5c where only e9441f850c a plate 7bea97e3bb was left, 6b355ce7a7 unattended. He followed 2fe901c75e suit, sitting 145aec28f7 down and a7584ebfa8 watching my 31b7ae4aa2 expression. My mother must have e8f777ba9a gone to the restroom. Washing the hand 39800ae687 that hit me d9e700077f in front of 753e0ca038 the luxurious sink, c9bc91c575 washing away the f6322515d4 unpleasantness along with 960608ea19 it. That hand was 5b8787e0d9 not only the 33b945e1b4 hand that hit 36df2a2db0 her child but 382fed441b also the hand 2f1697d3ea that tried to 95d48b759f kill her.355efb1d73c7d376

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After cleaning 8e29af3bbb her hands 27e40d0dd2 thoroughly, she 4af25c794c would touch 727629a446 her cheeks 8ab5ee6e28 and chin, 8fb7097ea9 which looked 8219b80dd1 withered no ceffb2d9af matter what e1cda78c7b she did 69fb7c8b4d as she 638e5cf6d4 got older, 63b9e92c6e trying to aaa9b675a9 hide it 7c39bea770 even a e50a181793 little, apply aa6ad39cce a vivid d6c43b0678 color of a836e3a4d6 lipstick, and 7763e364d1 give a e842239078 bright smile 24821aab8e with a db424c3c00 face that c1105c9fd2 looked much c090c20ab8 more lively. Quickly calculating eceef07175 in her 99f8d19946 head what f928306749 to say 5ee3424369 and what 95aca8896a expression to 8d438ce98e make to 97ac7cc77a avoid upsetting 693e45b891 the man 6bc54f3490 who was b6b31fdb01 sitting alone, c71387a60a she would 9bcb8195a6 once again 94e4b6dc84 utter chilling a9bd262f47 curses at c4d9783ab4 me for 83435305fe putting her c22b1787e6 in this 76b67aa1e4 burdensome situation.6f723e9ffce702f9

Not a son, but badb1ae52b an enemy.eb89bf3e54a884dd

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“I think I’ve made things awkward for you.”54bc47c4dd417d82

Why did these 13e18bde06 feelings arise? A wicked desire to 61d2ac8d3a ruin my mother was b8513d2b9e surging up. To ruin b723615ee7 my mother, a39589383c I had f0f2ca97f9 to ruin d0ddfa1057 what she 70319f49ff liked, what 83b5408a0f she wanted. It was a destructive 7d1799f284 feeling, wanting to snatch cb871bf5b1 away from my mother, 316c00c242 who thought she had 2807d61f1d this man, and crush 0eb6f9a745 him miserably. I looked at the e435470185 man sitting there pitifully.462fad364df67fe6

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“Do you have even a fingernail’s worth of love for my mom?”2b3d0ba9fac052e7

“Grace? Of course, I love her. It’s just that my feelings are different from that for you.”b179f16f898cab0b

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He answered without even a hint of hesitation. The man’s eyes were fixed on my cheek, which had been hit by my mother. He kept clenching and unclenching his fist, wanting to put his cold hand on it to cool the heat, but unable to do so.bbedb2b8bbf728bd

As he c352d644bd and I 8183218a0b sat there 34c2ef4c37 like that, c3a673df42 my mother 6d7f1414ee walked over. Her eyes showed 655e196e96 embarrassment when she 4bbcc07495 saw me sitting cf03d63281 there. The man asked my cf402ec0d4 mother.583395a0fdc4c7c8

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“Did you just go to the restroom?”c33cf7db20527599

“…”62673c0601c9ac62

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I, who had b8e3cb0ea3 turned away as 7c9adbce51 if never to d34d9f02b9 see her again, 650033a8c6 had appeared at 379f8eb6df the table faster 8f436cbccc than she had. The man smiled f855fbcf26 at my mother.0110865ba4d43168

“I’m sorry. I was acting like a teenager.”0c7d1949d061591d

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She spoke like a doll, only moving her lips. She coldly admitted her fault with eyes that held nothing. He replied in a gentle tone, as if he didn’t care at all about my rudeness.9df5d039fe74e3c5

“It’s okay. I understand.”7d749766d60b90ba

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“…Mom, I’m sorry.”ef94c93b358893c3

“…”4b676fe886c69e94

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My mother sat down in her chair with a suspicious look on her face. The man firmly grasped my mother’s hand under the table. My mother smiled faintly and stared at me ominously. The words “I’m sorry” didn’t mean “I’m sorry.” She must have interpreted it as a promise to watch and see if the late remarriage, which she was doing without any real feeling after running the numbers, the marriage I had so vehemently opposed, would go well and if she would live well. She must have thought it was a vow to laugh at her to her heart’s content at the end of a clearly troubled and ruined married life. My mother bit her lip. Although she didn’t say it out loud, I could almost hear what she was saying inside.aae79ed99d34f606

How dare you.087f67ab4e230315

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How ungrateful.5dacb86c0f17bde1

My mother glared at 318b953f22 me, gnawing at the 6c12b8afe0 flesh inside her mouth 499224c976 with her sharp teeth.428c6f062d78d57a

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“I’ll have a glass of wine too.”ad73672eac32ee7b

I ignored her gaze and smiled at the man. The man, as if momentarily captivated by my smile, was flustered and flustered. I reached out, took the wine bottle in front of the man, poured it into an empty glass, and took a sip. My mother still hadn’t let go of her suspicious gaze.00c1d3fdb1fa1505

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“I said I was sorry. Cheer up.”e9a2f508404a47f1

“…”d1585e34d7c1b7e4

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“Mom.”2e59e70d9cebf0fa

We were a mother and son who knew each other well. I smiled a little at my mother, whom I hated to death. It was a smile that said, “Cheer up. I’m sorry.” My mother, wary of me, asked.979c331ee1c1b000

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“…So, you’re in favor of our remarriage?”fa5259f7bed60436

“Yes.”848bb1f5ad005292

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“…”120c63e5f58e6707

The answer 2503cad137 flowed out af19ef83fd too smoothly. Forgetting the fierce 131878cdfb argument and suspicion 011ec37a71 she had with 267199fb59 me just ten 38b57d4811 minutes ago, my bcc22d6896 mother was elated e26c4e0bc9 by the fact 5159717cca that she could 25ca8c0b97 marry the man 4ea815abb4 and innocently asked 9c88a0e6f1 again.76c5856b2306dd2c

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“Really?”14ddfcf54acd276c

“Yes.”7cd7fd316d4e3a61

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“Really, huh? Junghyun.”bc1a5aaa84ee2815

The man 012fd0f1d5 was also 609cc6e056 moved and d850206f27 confirmed.4e591414574209da

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“Of course.”0555f58f4e4d93ab

My mother’s eyes, a little dumbfounded, scanned me and her future husband. The man nodded repeatedly, as if he wanted to give her everything, even his liver and gall bladder, and sat there gratefully, thankful for the permission of his new son. I, on the other hand, was watching all of this with a blank expression.8c1833e6b83a2d32

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“Thank you, Junghyun. Thank you for believing in me and following me this far, Grace.”decafcd481e6ba92

I lifted 6e965a64d5 my wine c2b5b88ce9 glass with e50f295cb3 eyes that c6e3aea949 held nothing 1a653d90bf and swallowed 29fb014a57 the wine. They were 1283f528a1 talking about 16e6e20e22 what they 851834dbb7 were thankful 0141792cbf for, and 2fab42de7e they kept 9a68be49bb saying thank 5d983c4ef8 you. It was like bb9d5231b6 being at a eaab309641 market where things e04396168f were being bought e22c4a9427 and sold. The two people 5bae1c54bb who had successfully 1b828ae568 led the transaction eb706209b9 were smiling.383747ba1fe177e9

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The man’s car stopped in front of the hotel where my mother was staying. A hotel employee opened the door. I, who was sitting in the back seat, grabbed the door handle to get out. At the same time, my stepfather hurriedly stopped me.e86997f63381a223

“Don’t get out. I’ll take you.”d0c37d999b04f8fb

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“Are you leaving right away? Come up for a bit.”a97713c999e093a8

My mother, ea87c684dc who was 2aa57bc825 just getting 1aed7610e6 out of 20f01cbcc6 the passenger c63a86f416 seat, turned c78c4518e0 to the e87be2b91e man with 19f8099069 a puzzled ac4690d146 look.4b6cad1da1d04a77

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“I have a breakfast meeting early tomorrow morning, so I have to go. Grace must be tired too, so go up and rest. I’ll take Junghyun.”eec349bc49361b82

“It would have been nice if you stayed at the same hotel. Why did you suddenly insist on staying at your friend’s house and make Mr. Lee tired?”91324563ff523e6d

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She glared at me 73d9aad0fb and scolded me.9520e0303d5e3967