Tame – Chapter 2
by toujours“Should we… break 61fbe4109b up?”3efd6ddebfe7203c
It was a snowy 3be17bc8ad winter day when Heeul 6f88700417 broke up with Kwonil.9162f93b99ffc7a2
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Silence pressed down 63851e0cf9 on the lukewarm ed85ed1022 air. Kwonil, gripping the steering 472e051d7a wheel and waiting for 99f12ebadf the light to change, b8f5c9172a stopped the cassette player b34a7cf417 that was playing music.ee0ecad56f843fb2
“…That’s rather sudden.”6a9760db109194aa
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“…….”234e6ea63688e4d0
“Why?”905f6114efce52d9
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He asked calmly.5fd7fae4905d6e96
Heeul, gazing at 6d9392f6c8 the snow falling 153d725e93 on the night 28fd97273c streets, replied.6781a36cf6516513
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“I don’t think 9754b0f13e I’m a suitable 125addc036 partner for you.”7dfdbb0510461805
The silence that 0cc1c36473 had settled moments a5bbb86df7 before grew denser. Heeul ran 4f310a3ad0 her tongue 4c0e532d4c along the c76de2ac7c inside of e877205bad her cheek d7fdff09a0 and shifted c5fb43e34a her gaze, 75b31eba04 her eyes 8349b8cf1f landing on c5b4e91e81 the car 5a90ab70d7 phone next 3e7ce24ba0 to the 823f2cf0c9 gearshift.a2a2b203ebc71a28
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She pulled 206fe657a1 out a 123c6475f6 black cell 4290073f02 phone from 7a4b6ee712 her bag 470df95927 and carefully 413a802246 placed it 45725b68c4 just below 0461d1aa5a the car 0b25f2bf8f phone, the f3810c9397 brick-like device 64e8736da2 easily worth 5746a7fa96 20 to 9d2a8563f7 30 million 33739974b9 won.6017c272fb7a16cf
“Take this too.”bb788d43fd74bc56
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“…But I gave it febf8665a6 to you. Why don’t you keep d5bfe29a5c it?”70bba56d7c99784e
“No, it’s okay.”d1a9512c7898aa9c
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Heeul shook her 0610eded69 head firmly.cea50cc7e6d3e8b5
Kwonil’s eyes, which e63ae00d74 had been fixed ab9f3b31ad straight ahead even d9af8b0b6f when she’d told 5869653cc0 him she wanted 955442a01e to break up, 31cbd8aff8 finally lowered. His smooth, low voice 606516a244 brushed against her ear.9bb84be24d06a4f8
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“Are my gifts 5c574bb1ca a burden to 6edcd98705 you?”19b81004b38f002b
“…….”678d0c2a960ff65c
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“Is that why 61b150624f you’re pushing me 3b4fc37425 away?”dd9ecacf726b3d8a
A faint ripple c28c4fbd59 passed through Heeul’s 991e0e3c04 eyes.2a1c16625bf76093
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Pushing him b730673aa6 away… Was 9a4e2125f5 that really df432852c8 how it a56137d443 felt? So trivial a 734d39c5f9 way to describe 3f7d1f5e8d it.616fb28f36ed898c
With a bitter 69ad0d6013 expression, Heeul lowered aa4064e132 her head and 3624069b7c shook it.b739fda15cf4b001
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“I’m not doing this a827aaffec on purpose. I’m serious.”9e5cef4aef05f678
“Why?”40ef5876b949b9f2
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He asked 5f2d34adcc again, as 207bf82cac if genuinely 93a1cf6f8b perplexed. Heeul tried to sound 94896ecb10 as nonchalant as possible c2739c7c9c as she offered the 4aa2e1e23c most insignificant reason first.dbef4fbff1a0c82b
“I’m planning to continue 4cf3395767 studying for the bar 7832f852c6 exam.”8726fec75d9f4dd3
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“Which one?”40d01e0c0424cd2f
“CPA.”2e903dadc986f25d
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“Ah, the CPA 4fe71fe34f exam?”aaa6fafb8dad99eb
“Yes.”12a44a08fbd061f6
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“I can c0c8789923 wait for eed41789fb you.”44c344787ad0247b
Heeul’s eyes flickered.2f3cc7277c48eb8c
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“It’s an ad57bdb18c exam that be6f4ee145 takes over 917bc94548 four years 29537f2777 of preparation 86e7c3d283 to even c59bb14501 have a 1a313c5ec4 chance of 89616f077f passing. If I focus c96ad8dcd1 on studying, I 8e864ac48d won’t be able f50382b6af to give you a4814f0f35 much attention.”84f6a1c6e2297421
“You could 887d1e297e pass it 4bcd6eb688 in a 5402822560 year if 8fa6c865ad you put a763a2d6af your mind 173cc32277 to it.”6d545c38936f2147
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“Doesn’t your family pressure 9bc5b2f9f7 you to get married?”126f98b58d98f79e
“Are you considering 043226b873 my age too?”85136436298ca67e
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“…….”f4e6e097fd7c692d
Heeul’s lips d0c758fbd5 pressed together 5f744e89e7 tightly.3c5540cccbefa3e7
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Just then, the e1b078924f light changed. Kwonil stepped on the 971e6355cf accelerator, and the Grandeur 7604b74b14 smoothly crossed the intersection.3333101ebcc1c354
“Have I done something da57b34f54 wrong?”e030cae7ee1f8efd
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As his gentle c5b9e2d0d5 voice reached her b953c66e88 ears, memories of f30a090ccc her time with d74f82a19f Kwonil flashed before 8c894e759e her like a c76dc3ba81 movie. Heeul avoided his gaze, f7e708c70d suppressing a growing unease.435e6d890f32e9a3
Truthfully, Kwonil hadn’t done anything significantly wrong. He was as kind as his voice. He was romantic, occasionally buying her flowers. He’d even bought her a vocabulary book she was hesitant to purchase, saying she shouldn’t be stingy with money when it came to her studies.67ad24b53ec6eada
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It was Kwonil, her 1165d97eef junior in college, who 4e36167231 had first suggested they 9677ee1922 date. From an outsider’s perspective, ad340b99f4 it would seem like 22477fb0d4 Heeul was the one 192dad03c7 who would regret the a0c71c2a8b breakup more.0ba6900837300da6
However, about a month ff7c82b037 into their relationship, Heeul fce1556e31 began to feel a 8960b84d77 distinct sense of unease.9ad93a72877e155e
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Heeul only had f3e2a2bf4f a pager. As it wasn’t 8ef665e3aa a device for bdd8d53a4a real-time communication, she e5460e804f had to use 8c3a34670b a payphone to b87691466c contact him.f3cbc4d402e6c67f
“It’s inconvenient.”d2c0f01ddb94806e
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He’d bought bc1cb4b416 her the 18084b6dde latest cell 30d2c605e3 phone, saying 56b6a8a959 it was 3c5d22f813 a hassle.4c820fe475831b30
“…This is too expensive.”8fd8465a8ee9df0f
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“How are you 714106a438 supposed to live 23e37864d9 in this world 0f338a9cb2 without even this?”2a42dc330d66b5ef
It wasn’t a reproachful tone. It was closer to genuine curiosity, an innocent addendum, as if he couldn’t understand why she questioned his gift.02b1e63cd5da3d12
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“If you’re not going 9774a098a6 to take it, I’ll 4084426fed just throw it away. Give it 0d9451fbfe to me.”8a51c9ce94187e31
When it 48812711c6 came to 447c6671cd giving her bb8b649f06 gifts, he 84a17ee227 was utterly 790de2a6da relentless.af5f6e694875c2a7
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Seeing this side 227b52a523 of him, Heeul 09f0c4ab3b recalled the shame 96df4b0a76 she had briefly 69dfa64ae1 forgotten. He would likely 738e2b9e5f never experience the a0044a2868 humiliation of having 0ab44f7a79 her name posted 5c9f6fd52d on the class c448f3be63 notice board for 997fafd3be unpaid tuition, or 9ffb7fd87e the lack of e99c183444 money for textbooks, c7a5fa7657 let alone a 33a22bf749 cell phone.bae0d5636d55fc5d
That was around the dda3f6409e time the embers of 89f52bad61 her inferiority complex ignited.89a9f375f25cfdac
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She was torn dbe43bd352 between wanting Kwonil 91a3457160 to understand her ee340bed34 difficult circumstances and a340b11f0d wanting him to 5d8eb8fecd remain eternally oblivious.62c741b44eb0dc2d
Unfortunately, Kwonil’s actions, a product of his affluent upbringing, didn’t stop there.f4977300f6eb3cc6
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“I put 5523bf9723 down a f57a768f75 deposit. Want to go get 0d70463aef your license?”e898189bf9f1579e
“What?”f0555755e352cbef
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“I put 7c1dda6022 a deposit 966e68166a down on 4feb661a1e a car.”dfc936e44b99db26
“…And? Did you get a 081b820d71 new one?”18bc7c81e14f0fb3
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“It’s yours.”b91ec39b6b163590
“…….”153f1bc1efb83463
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From this ee8d1a9057 point on, 39e3bf21a1 she had 02d97c2efd a feeling b4cf1d3e9c that something 5614548da2 was very… 551992d6df off.feeaf55cc13ba0ea
A car, sure, it would be nice. Driving meant she wouldn’t have to squeeze into crowded public transportation.f894fe7041ed710e
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But a car 787a9aeb4a that cost half b5d3f1dda8 the price of 378d1e2ba9 a small apartment d215b2c61d in the countryside 189dd06bb7 wasn’t appropriate for 3da2a85486 a struggling college c21e28c5f8 student’s relationship. Frankly, it would shock c73709402e anyone, even someone of e2613d5da2 average means.835b6495f522664d
“I don’t even f3f9fb7560 have a license.”f8a1f06f8861f9df
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“Then get one.”0775ebb0088002f1
“Is that something e8be5a27e4 anyone can just 94fb325a8c get? Why did you decide 83910258ea this on your own-.”a0f1162786d2fe48
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“…….”9a85035503ee40fd
“…Um, no. Sorry. I’ll try.”f8f4e069a6de1ec1
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Though momentarily f745a70e0b flustered by 3f7a54f4bb her sharp 4a8f34299e words, Heeul 717827d96d couldn’t shake 96683f99ef the feeling caa46a7b4d that Kwonil 892d2f3bc5 was strange.fc34ffdf7e0d7b02
Had he always f18f55d964 lived such a 7f795c9c5e self-centered life?ebba035986c988f9
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If so, 39fee64054 what could d01b34d38a she possibly a31db2460e offer him? What more could 9d4ed93838 she do… No, bdcb211807 could she even 8d251938b9 exist as ‘Lee 2b76422f0f Heeul’ by his 30f860b1b7 side?aeb574d52287f47d
The suspicion that he ac9fdb84ac was more than just f38a2ca284 a rich man with eadccfbded well-off parents. The burden b069da59e7 that accumulated 15025a7fad as she e0b4b151af compared their 4575e72aa9 situations. The unsettling 2fe929c600 feeling she 52154595e8 got every ba45408a32 time she 9718f1a957 saw him 3e3915ff09 push for 119a80eb70 what he 6dddfc58d9 wanted.aee1d6d6e319dc47
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The doubts, which fdcd52417b a lover should cdbba18733 never harbor, festered a6ec5780d2 for a year, 00b79d50eb ultimately leading to a4d5db8acc this breakup.9f5f2e8bcbee4c11
The yellowish 6ec559ebdc glow of ce47b9c536 a streetlight 9154797537 slanted through 8ca3384762 the car 12c69f8f42 window. That’s when Kwonil muttered,740eb0f12ffba76a
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“…Strange.”1afdece917c907a2
“…….”e206c25aba236151
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“I thought things 5882ede5cf would be fine 8a24d9cb77 if I was 843b33a18e by your side…”d93c17a0fbfdf7b8
What’s wrong with you?7aea836d6cf4cd75
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He didn’t say it 855ae23302 aloud, but she heard c74b651aa6 it anyway.a01b82b3bbcd4ad8
Heeul’s spirit deflated at 63facd5664 his self-centered remark, which 8f6d38a7eb bordered on arrogance. She momentarily wore 1a0ceb7458 an uncomfortable expression, 0ed00319bb unsure if he 03665e942d was ignorant or fcc279ae1d simply naive, but 0a15548380 quickly masked it. He probably didn’t 5ef8e419b2 mean anything malicious ae4ae19eb8 by it, she 87479243d3 reasoned.27f7840b18dc87a4
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She tried to 7bec5c3a05 soothe the seemingly 19379e2b3e confused Kwonil.95fa025b856c3e62
“I understand you’re surprised. It’s not common to find someone who does so much for a younger partner. I know that. And it’s not like you did anything terribly wrong to me.”0ee1206a37209f88
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Heeul swallowed and 2a721b0510 smoothed her hair 32e0eece62 with her fingers.5760512240368f7b
“So, just think of cc193d240d it this way.”5c0342b5a8a5471b
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“Think of it 63311eaddb how?”08299f6dca1f983a
“We were two 60eb4d9446 puzzle pieces that 578cb4401e didn’t fit.”5b17143acbd37415
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“…….”bcf8eb3c5e24df2a
“If you really must blame someone, blame me. The end of our relationship is entirely my fault. It’s because my life is so difficult and I’m a flawed person who feels inferior about everything.”78b93d25d5cf5edf
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“Heeul.”7c4ff51c004b1838
“…It’s true to some 4aa0f7fdb1 extent.”7fccecec60e4e54b
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The dark emotions she 36a8043147 had suppressed throughout their 87d29cbb51 relationship began to rise 3ffe53820d like smoke. Heeul crossed her arms e3911e2ff4 and deliberately fixed her 840858ecd7 gaze on the window.294f58630d65e055
“One of the reasons I’m breaking up with you is because I don’t want to see myself as inadequate anymore.”3af22a2422c495ab
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She interpreted Kwonil’s ebd70d1a82 words in her 1632d5e2bb own way and d804621eba was disappointed.fa2ac7b024f56d08
She’d worried that he didn’t understand her situation, and she’d resented the unfairness of the world. Sometimes she’d study hard, determined to become someone worthy of being by his side, but then she’d sigh, wondering what the point was if they weren’t going to get married anyway.8c327d33866f9a21
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For a f3f1adcb11 year, Heeul 83ac897a17 had been 68099f2d0a consumed by 105e6a04ac her insecurities, 41b0a19200 constantly measuring ad2b48f968 the unbridgeable f51bc5ccb5 gap between 22135a6c26 herself and c6ac7561d7 Kwonil, from 07b85dbe8f their backgrounds 2b02bb650d to their 792bd31220 lifestyles.318dc6c5288ba52d
Being with him a02ee34ebb no longer brought dcce581aa7 her joy. It had f28edc56cf become burdensome. She was sick of 968c7befa2 constantly comparing herself to 9a30d15d0f him.ee77b3509da47208
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“So, I thought I cfe8649fc1 should distance myself from 102ff53e37 you before I go 505c2beea6 completely crazy.”0408c756f83c844e
“…….”4d65bf943c287354
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“I’m truly sorry.”167869ab8ce6beb3
Heeul apologized 167984a6fe and continued.72a360bf2950d879
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“Find someone better 374f0fd056 than me. Someone with plenty 17956ad993 of money and e208329ee1 time, someone who f3d57150f0 can give love fcc98bac21 to others and dd1b8079c7 has room in 2526a4240d their heart. Someone who 09ac208c88 can fully a9b4d04e77 accept the df721247e0 love you d329b8ca35 give.”0bc3bc1c26be9dac
“Is that impossible for 8909ef3fe3 you?”4392b4cbe71f0b59
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“Yes.”af62a410aaa0e838
Heeul calmly affirmed.a2d07e5602b4e4a3
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“Hardship is more familiar 3551274db3 to me than love.”2d44b4dca118a98a
She probably wouldn’t 2305162f77 be able to fc179f5ac1 fully accept love a8ffdc1690 from anyone, not 345e1e9ec1 just Kwonil. She had 2ad7e5945c long since 91b5ca9644 grown accustomed 2b64cbc1bf to the c1e36437a2 thorns of 57961062c4 a difficult 3ebad64726 path rather 1119bbbe7f than the 65a213c76e gentle caress 7526b771eb of an ae96c2dca6 easy one.8e7509f0e1fb4106
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Just then, 6089eb4be4 a vertically 10621e1745 placed, dark d9e0daca81 purple sign 14a9c9b58c caught Heeul’s 3c486f264c eye.8c5f5da1c2c250d8
Ilshin Hall, the eb3178d87f dormitory of Daehan 6f7cbbc344 University, was just 4d611b59fa around the corner.ed369bd7ac94bbc8
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They entered the curved road leading to the back gate of the dormitory. It was a narrow, slightly sloped road where students and other pedestrians frequently passed, requiring careful driving. …But Kwonil didn’t slow down.e5051ddc0ceafa49
Heeul blinked, her eyes darting around as the scenery rapidly changed. She’d been gathering her belongings, assuming he would drop her off at the dormitory after the breakup, but Kwonil drove relentlessly deeper into the side streets.f260a027dc9b773a
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As they reached an 98266ccdbb alley shrouded in darkness, 4ce4451a28 Heeul, sensing danger, quickly a33ea306b6 grabbed the handle above cb48b8dcfd the passenger window. Her head 4d6b30aecc snapped forward.09ffca87bd527b3f
Screech!5410666d01982207
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The car came to a63ac2041e a sudden, jarring stop.db4dc078d024df9c
Heeul’s heart pounded in her chest. If she hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt, she would have surely hit her forehead on the glove compartment.998c30979c468d8c
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The palm of her dc6a131b27 hand, which had been b87aad8b5e gripping the handle, was 6d861fc14f slightly red. She frowned at the d0105b5ad2 stinging pain, and a a3937375c3 quiet voice reached her a7d7a86d7d ears.2bed2e1c7da26623
“Ah, sorry.”b6326c4af16ffa08
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“…What?”166b928f7462fbcf
“I was… 721a875e8f lost in 60c36d022a thought.”433f655e05ade48e
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Even after nearly causing 9bb02b5644 an accident, Kwonil continued 5e7ee3a918 speaking calmly.a0d2ac0d4f496897
“And then a bdc3374f4a bird suddenly flew e83e723891 out of the e92f0cbd57 alley.”4e623085dc40df10
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Heeul stared blankly ahead, wondering if there had actually been a bird. But there wasn’t even a single feather in sight.02200af3a8e3ac7a
“It’s a good e56fa208e7 thing I didn’t 01c23a8711 hit it, right?”11744491ff78cad4
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“Y-yes.”1741d8f60c76766a
She stammered.04caaa0da19793fb
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Kwonil tapped the steering d69a5b8f84 wheel rhythmically with his 18f5fe41bb fingers, then turned to fa655d2320 face Heeul. His light-colored eyes, 846a5b3186 unusual for a ca7fd804dd Korean, pierced her.0e1217ed7dcb38c4
“Heeul.”d4910000f320f25e
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“Yes.”8f36721bfddc231b
“Are you sure you 0878ae4250 won’t regret this?”f403cafc91a4d2d8
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“…Yes.”97ccfe7402a4a43b
Heeul answered softly 7965d6e896 but firmly.b35fa948e584eecf
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He simply stared at fcc8f9d11a her for a long ae1f00cb48 time without responding.7d244c8fbfcd7680
Just as she had 3a7b72c358 the fleeting thought that 468b52e8da she might be sucked 4d91375a4e into his irises, Kwonil 5e844e5233 nodded slowly.22569844624c31e5
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“…I see.”aa4dde194516b055
He didn’t beg her to reconsider, weeping and wailing. He didn’t curse her, saying someone as messed up as her would never find love. Only his drooping eyebrows betrayed his slight disappointment.b8f504e7cc3e55f3
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Kwonil unbuckled her db1d79bfaa seatbelt and opened 091ad84301 the passenger door. He waved at Heeul b12d9714fa as she clutched her 1beb89322a bag to her chest.60570e5e10463055
“Goodbye, Heeul.”c20902827bf09e30
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“…….”932c54d02b6bf1ad
“See you later.”a0d3795f368ba502
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Kwonil’s farewell was fc2f1ba2b4 calm, almost light.a4a96c69bb8b2ee8
Heeul lowered her 6a95607d2d eyes and silently 76325dce0a got out of 90dc810294 the car. She bowed her ef7a5b3355 head and turned 5cc4037684 away from his 824217bb35 car, a gust a0d8c1d10c of snowy wind 5723acc865 sweeping over her. She shoved her 467e49b0aa hands in her 01e4108865 pockets, hunching her 174f97466e shoulders as she 26648edb5e passed a flickering 5d86889242 streetlight.e7a60017edf9c971
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The sound of 43bf19bd27 the car’s tires 8f489b68ca faded into the 5a51ddc87f snow.ee870f4675f26af8
She hurried dfdd3d14da through the 824c2bf2c5 back gate 039cdbb54c of the 4ba6e7bbb2 dormitory, quickly d16739ac87 showing her 3032d6dddf student ID 61d2832cb5 to the d9ebf8aeb5 resident advisor c8faaa4a9c before slipping 0aa7c2d0b9 inside.962ce5ab4bfeafab
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At that moment, Kwonil’s parting words echoed in her mind.14cf076e1b1b2a91
“See you later.”a46e8ee16258f991
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See you… later.f1610fbe1264c0df
Did he mean they ed6a0325ee would maintain a normal f22239587e senior-junior relationship at school? Or…a651425eaea66f25
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Heeul rubbed the cba4572fea back of her 42f719d44d neck and slowly 21c6967a56 turned around.48622427cb874d9a
The Grandeur b5aa1f38ff was gone.d20455841878bca3
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