BRC Ch 2

Light.

“Good morning, Ensley.”

Even with my eyes closed, the light was so intense that I covered my eyelids with my hand.

“Get up already. You’ve been singing about how you wished this day would come quickly since last month.”

The surrounding noise became clearer and registered as a voice. When I slightly opened my eyes, the light wasn’t as harsh as I’d thought. Sunlight streamed through the open window, and the hem of the thin curtain fluttered in the breeze.

A soft fabric brushed against my fingertips. I was lying on something soft. The ceiling and walls were entirely a dark gray hue. As I tried to make sense of the situation, someone’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Are you going to lift that heavy backside of yours or not? Don’t you know a knight should be diligent?”

‘How dare she lecture me? Is she out of her mind?’

Before anger, surprise took over, and I closely observed the woman. There was no way a maid who treated me so casually would be among the crowd, yet her face and voice felt strangely familiar. As I looked at her, a name buried deep in my memory surfaced. Bewilderment arose. It was an absurd possibility, but I uttered the name.

“Miria?”

“Why are you calling me so fondly? It’s creepy.”

I roughly sat up. Then, as if threatened by the woman, I stepped back.

Was the problem that a maid, who was banished with me from Valon long ago, was now by my side? Or that she still looked young? Or that my own voice, saying her name, sounded unfamiliar?

Everything was a problem. I raised both hands and stared at them intensely. The left pinky finger, which I had cut off while swearing loyalty to Grey, was intact, and the rough calluses that had been embedded were gone without a trace. I clenched my fist with a delicate, clean hand like a daffodil stem, then kicked off the blanket and stood up. My soft, unhardened feet were half their original size.

“This is impossible.”

The voice, still not past boyhood, sounded horribly unfamiliar.

“Exactly. The greatest sleepyhead in Valon waking up this early? Impossible.”

Ignoring Miria’s words, I meticulously inspected the room. The decorative mahogany table had one corner patched up. If my memory was correct, it was damaged while testing the durability of an elephant tusk, a gift from the previous Marquis of Valon.

On the table were a few history books, untouched and looking brand new, along with high-quality writing instruments. A portrait of me, framed ornately, dominated the center of the wall. The floor was covered with animal hides hunted by the Marquis, and scattered atop them were a toy castle modeled after the real thing and soldier figurines carved from wood.

I picked up the scabbard leaning beside the bed and drew the sword. The name of my first real sword, specially commissioned by the Marquis from a region known for fine iron, was ‘Fang.’ Traces of his affection for his illegitimate child were evident throughout the room.

“Training right after waking up? The sun must be rising in the west. Still, I went to the trouble of fetching water, so why don’t you wash your face first?”

I set the sword down and approached Miria. When we were banished, the top of her head reached my shoulder, but now we were about the same height. I snatched the brass basin from her hands, but the moment I saw my reflection in the water, I dropped it. The wide basin clattered sharply on the stone floor, and lukewarm water splashed onto my feet.

Miria slapped my back with her palm. Her hand was quite sharp, making me flinch.

“You always make me do things twice! I’ll fetch more, so stay put.”

After she left, I frantically touched my face. I ran to the wall and looked at the child reflected in a plate. Light brown hair was tousled over a healthy complexion. Wide-open eyes were a deep green. The face staring back, contorted with disbelief, mirrored my feelings. There was no doubt it was me. The problem was that it was me from over twenty years ago.

“Damn it, what’s going on?”

I glared at the plate, reviewing recent memories. After the army I led to Biresa was defeated by the combined forces of the royal family and the Galmiro army, I retreated to protect the Marquis of Valon. At a fork in the road, I sent Grey off with twenty cavalry and stood alone to block the path. While cutting down pursuers and fleeing through the forest, I was eventually surrounded by enemies. To avoid capture, I threw myself off a cliff.

That event must have taught the people of Arives that evil meets its downfall. The wicked knight, crushed by sharp rocks, who had earned the hatred of so many that even in death he could not rest in peace—the dog of the Marquis of Valon, Ensley Maykin. That was the final scene of my not-so-long life.

As I touched my neck, an old trinket came with it. The pendant, tarnished and dusty, no longer shone. Instead, it had a deep crack in the center, as if something inside had escaped.

Miria returned with fresh washing water. Muttering that she’d make me skip lunch if I spilled it again, she placed the basin on the table.

“Oh my, what’s that necklace? Is it a peace offering for Lottsi?”

“Lottsi?”

“Well, I suppose not.”

Miria was smiling, but it didn’t seem like a joke. When she reached for my neck, I quickly stepped back.

“Where did you pick that up? I’d believe you dug it out of a grave. Hand it over. I’ll clean it until it shines.”

“You said Lottsi’s alive?”

“What?”

“I’m asking if Lottsi is alive.”

“What strange things you say. Wash your face.”

Miria pushed the basin toward me and busily shook out fabric from a basket.

I stood still, trembling. If Lottsi was alive, it meant I hadn’t just become younger in appearance but had returned to a distant past. Recalling that pain wakes you from a dream, I slapped my cheek hard, but nothing happened. Clutching my stinging cheek, I collapsed onto the bed.

Listening to Miria’s humming, I stared at the ceiling. I thought it was absurd. But despite my thoughts, my heart began to pound slowly.

‘I’m back.’

As I whispered to myself, a dusty era stepped into reality. I knew what this meant. The past, stained with mistakes, had become undone. I stood again in my innocent, foolish boyhood. In that era, untainted like eternal snow, ignorant of any sin.

I’d never heard of magic that could turn back time. Countless people must regret their past lives, but not everyone gets such an opportunity. The woman who gave me the necklace was surely a sorceress, but why this fortune had fallen into my hands was unknown. I gripped the broken pendant so tightly my palm hurt. My heart was now thumping loudly.

Reality sank in belatedly. How should I use this miraculous opportunity? I had lived the worst life, making only foolish decisions, but now I could live differently. I didn’t have to commit unwanted massacres or earn the hatred of countless people. With the bloodstained past gone, I could paint a rosy future anew.

How old was I? Fourteen? Fifteen? It didn’t matter. At this age, I could achieve anything I wanted. I couldn’t change my status as an illegitimate child, but everything else could be different.

Should I defeat rivals in duels to become the youngest knight of Valon? Or seize a lordship and amass a mountain of wealth? Marrying a beautiful wife and having two or three children who resemble me wouldn’t be bad either. I’d command my knights with a gesture and go hunting every season.

I felt like I could do anything if I set my mind to it. Perhaps I could even face Grey without a care.

The mere thought of that name made my blood run cold. My excitement subsided instantly. My life had gone awry for many reasons, but the most decisive obstacle was one man. Grey Zilarad. The idol of my childhood, the puppy love of my boyhood, the wandering of my youth, and the reason for my life.

His image, reflected upon before death, pierced me like an arrow. Unrequited feelings turned to hatred, covering my body like wounds.

I ruined my life chasing him. I abandoned my mentor, destroyed my honor with my own hands, and ultimately threw myself off a cliff. Was it just my life? Under Grey’s command, I took countless others’ lives.

During my years as a war maniac’s dog, I wanted only one thing: his affection. I never received even a sliver of it, making it a tearful unrequited love and a horribly imbalanced trade.

I was foolish to step onto the battlefield and willingly stain my hands with sin, all for the desire to have him. From the start, Grey promised me nothing. Why did I run like a horse, blinded by a carrot he never offered?

Bloody memories and foolish passion mingled, falling off the cliff. My admiration for my half-brother, my loyalty to the Marquis of Valon, and my love for the man named Grey Zilarad were crushed on sharp rocks.

I would not live like that again. Instead, I would set everything right. I would strip Grey of his power, destroy him, and ensure he never stained half the kingdom with blood.

“Ensley, it’s the day you’ve waited for all year. Are you just going to stay in your room?”

Miria approached and tossed a folded cotton garment onto my lap. When I asked what day it was, she clapped her hands and laughed like a child.

“You have time to tease me, but shouldn’t you be thinking about what to say when you meet Lord Grey? It’s been a year.”

“What? Where’s Grey?”

“Oh, a riddle? The answer is: on his way from Floa! Now, get up and change.”

Floa was a city on the eastern border. Old memories tangled chaotically. Grey didn’t stay in Valon and often wandered. I was always sensitive to his absence, but recalling the sequence of places he visited was impossible. I needed to know how old I was and what time it was.

“A gift arrived a few months ago, right?”

“Of course. True to Lord Grey, he sent gifts for the New Year’s festival. Fine wine for the master and a sapphire brooch perfect for the lady. Remember?”

“Go on.”

“He gave Lady Lilith fabric embroidered with exotic patterns and Lord Hale an arrow quiver. You haven’t forgotten the fuss you made that day, have you?”

I remembered Hale flaunting the quiver in front of me. It was a fine piece, sturdily made from good leather. My upset wasn’t just because the quiver was beautiful. Grey didn’t acknowledge me as family, so my share was never included in the gifts he sent from other domains.

“Did I come back to my room and break a window or tear the curtains?”

Miria said I tore the curtains. Then she smiled fondly and brushed my cheek with the back of her hand.

“I told you he must have been too busy to include your gift. Lord Grey is human; he makes mistakes sometimes. I keep promising to change the water in that vase, but I’ve forgotten for a week, and the flowers wilted.”

“Why are you making excuses for him?”

“Still upset? How can we cheer our little one up?”

“Cut it out. I’m not a kid.”

Miria’s eyes widened. She seemed to have a lot to say but closed her mouth after seeing my expression.

As I suspected, the wheel of time had turned back to the spring of my sixteenth year, the day Grey returned to Valon after finishing his studies in the east. Coincidentally, it was the moment I had wished to return to as I fell from the cliff. On this very day, in a past not yet reached, Lottsi died.

My first goal was naturally set. In this restarted game, I had no intention of yielding a single point to Grey.

“Hey, when’s that guy Grey arriving?”

“I heard he’ll arrive at dusk…”

“I’m dying to meet him.”

Miria, gauging my mood, asked if I was still upset. I said I wasn’t.

“But calling the young master ‘that guy’? No way. I must have misheard; my ears are playing tricks.”

When I referred to him with an even harsher term, her face turned pale. I easily dodged the hand swinging toward my shoulder.

“Ensley, are you insane? Where did you learn such words? Even when it’s just us, watch your mouth. What if someone hears?”

“Let them hear and tattle. I don’t care.”

Miria glanced around nervously, though no one was nearby, and furrowed her brows with a baffled expression.

◇◆

As soon as I grasped the situation, I set out to find Lottsi’s room. My urgency made me glide through the corridors, but finding the destination wasn’t easy. I’d never visited her, so it was natural I didn’t know where her room was.

I didn’t like my only blood relative. Lottsi, with no one else to play with in the castle, clung solely to me, but I found her terribly annoying. A sixteen-year-old boy wanted to hang out with his grown half-brothers rather than a thirteen-year-old sister, even if they treated him cruelly instead of including him.

I grabbed a passing servant and asked where Lottsi’s room was. He answered brusquely.

“What are you doing here?”

“I asked where Lottsi’s room is.”

“Don’t mess around in the corridors; go play outside.”

Even as the Marquis of Valon’s seed, I was treated as a commoner due to Valon’s custom of scorning illegitimate children. The Marquis gave me a spacious private room and a maid, granting me exceptional privileges, but he couldn’t stop others from looking down on me. Few, like Miria, doted on me, but most despised me.

“Hey, come here.”

When I beckoned, the servant put his hands on his hips and stood defiantly. He didn’t bother hiding his disdain.

I had long grown accustomed to being a master whom subordinates不敢 look in the eye, and I had no reason to tolerate this. I strode over and kicked his shin hard. He doubled over, hopping on one foot.

“When I ask, you answer. Does the word of a bastard spawned by the master sound like nothing to you?”

I didn’t stop there and slapped his face. It wasn’t very painful, but it would feel humiliating. The servant’s eyes widened, and his mouth gaped.

“Where’s Lottsi’s room?”

“Left… keep going, then up the stairs…”

“I can’t hear you. Lead the way.”

He touched his cheek and started walking, looking bewildered by what had happened.

Lottsi’s room was in the most secluded corner of the guest rooms in the annex. The corridor’s windows barely let in light, and not even a rat scurried nearby.

The Marquis of Valon was a man of strong likes and dislikes. He cherished me for my martial talent but didn’t show the same affection to Lottsi, who had taken her mother’s life at birth.

I sent the servant away and knocked on the plain door with my fist.

“Who is it? Who’s there?”

An excited voice responded quickly from inside. After the sound of furniture toppling and loud footsteps approached, the door flung open just as I thought the child needed to learn manners before anything else.

“Ensi?”

A child in a white gown stood at the door. I hadn’t thought much of meeting the little one, but seeing the young girl made me flustered. Though we grew up together, I didn’t know Lottsi well. Instead of joy at seeing my kin, I felt that if I had married at the right age, my daughter would be about this age.

I examined her face as if seeing it for the first time. Her hazel eyes, said to resemble my birth mother’s, looked kind rather than intelligent. Wavy chestnut hair cascaded to her waist, and her plump cheeks glowed with healthy rosiness. Her lips and chin bore some resemblance to mine.

“What brings you here? Are you here to apologize for yesterday?”

Lottsi spoke haughtily, turning her head aside as if displeased, but her flushed cheeks betrayed her anticipation. Such an innocent child had died painfully at thirteen because of me. No matter how wretchedly I lived, I knew the basics of human decency.

I slowly knelt, took her hand, and kissed the back of it—a knight’s gesture of loyalty to a lord and the most courteous act I knew. After a slight hesitation, I said,

“I’m sorry.”

Having lived a life of taking what I wanted and destroying what I didn’t, apologizing wasn’t familiar. Feeling awkward, I looked into Lottsi’s hazel eyes. Peeling back the veil of indifference, a fragile affection sprouted at the base.

Lottsi’s eyes widened. She seemed unused to her brother, who always brushed her off, suddenly acting kindly. She struggled to pull her hand away, but I held on.

“What are you doing? Let go.”

“Everything will be different now. I promise.”

I said this in the voice of a boy just beginning to change. Facing an ignorant child, I confessed my resolve. Because of Grey, I had discarded many things dear to me with my own hands. Lottsi’s death was the starting point I needed to change.

I wasn’t just going to save an innocent child; I intended to give her everything. Whether she wanted to be betrothed to a prince or rule the kingdom as a lord, I’d make it happen with my own hands. Confidence surged that by the time this voice matured, anything would be possible.

“Stop joking and let go.”

Lottsi’s face turned bright red. When I loosened my grip, she darted behind the bed like a startled animal. Abandoning hide-and-seek, I pulled the cord to summon a maid.

After a while, a maid with a disinterested attitude arrived and asked what I was doing there. I gave her several instructions: stay in the room to watch the child, inform me immediately if the child asked for me or if anything happened to her, and never let her go out after sunset.

The maid listened with a dumbfounded expression but turned serious when I warned that I’d tell the Marquis and have her expelled from the castle if she failed to comply.

◇◆

By lunchtime, rumors that the illegitimate child of Zilarad was up to something had spread widely. The castle servants’ gazes toward me changed. They acted as if I weren’t there, and when I spoke, they flinched in surprise. It was clear they were wary of being slapped for no reason.

I enjoyed the atmosphere. Memories of scorn ran deep, and seeing a servant who had once ignored me made my blood boil. But I hadn’t traveled back in time to take revenge on insignificant servants. In that sense, there was someone else I wanted to see.

The Marquis of Valon, Archibald Zilarad, had one son from each of his two wives. Neither liked me, but the brothers expressed their disdain differently.

Grey, the son of the first wife, acted reasonably courteous on the surface but fostered an atmosphere behind the scenes that blocked my growth opportunities. His half-brother, on the other hand, lacked finesse. Hale Zilarad, born to the second wife, was petty and jealous. He openly tormented me, often earning his father’s disapproval.

Hale’s unique trait was his exceptional archery, which he used to harass me. He threw all sorts of things at me, short of arrows. I never forgot the day he tested a new slingshot and hit me square in the forehead, knocking me out.

Outshone by his half-brother in refinement and intellect and by his younger half-brother in swordsmanship, Hale Zilarad’s end was as miserable as mine. After the Marquis’s death, he tried to seize Valon Castle but was eliminated by Grey.

Unable to wait for a chance encounter, I sought Hale out. As expected, he was at the archery range, piercing the center of a barely visible target. I entered as he lowered his bow and glared at me.

The grown man was much taller than me. His brown hair and deep green eyes unmistakably marked him as the Marquis’s son. Curiosity flickered in his upturned eyes. After silently sizing me up, he pointed at my neck.

“What’s that? First time I’ve seen you wear jewelry.”

“It’s nothing.”

I tucked the necklace into my clothes, adding that I picked it up on the road.

“It looks unusual. Let me see.”

“No.”

Hale repeatedly demanded the necklace, but I refused. He made what he thought was a menacing face. At sixteen, I would have been scared and complied.

He strode toward me. I let him roughly pull me by the shoulder.

“Not listening? Think I’m soft now?”

“How did you know?”

Hale grabbed my collar and growled. I brushed off his questions about whether I’d lost my mind or his remarks about how interesting it was that I was starting to rebel. When he showed no sign of stopping his lecture, I swatted his hand away.

“If you want something, take it. Stop flapping your mouth.”

At my whispered words, Hale’s face turned red, and he trembled. Seeing his state filled me with a base satisfaction.

His large hand swung at my cheek, but I stepped back slightly, making him clumsily claw the air. His expression showed he was furious.

“Father pampers you, so you think you’re something?”

“You’re right. But why do you act so high and mighty when no one pampers you?”

He glared as if he could strangle me with his eyes.

“You’ve been playing meek, but now you show your true colors. Living in the same castle doesn’t make us family. Don’t get it twisted. You’re nothing.”

Hale tapped my temple threateningly. He told me to follow him and strode out of the archery range. That was exactly what I wanted, so I followed silently.

By the time we reached the training ground, a crowd had gathered. Merchants watched from afar, a few administrators lingered nearby, and servants pretended to intervene while brimming with curiosity. Only Miria, genuinely worried, clutched my sleeve and pleaded with me to apologize. Ignoring her, I faced Hale.

“Ensley Maykin. I know you’re like an untamed colt, but there’s a limit to my patience. I tried to be lenient, considering your young age, your lowly status, and your lack of education, but your insolence has gone too far.”

Perhaps because many eyes were watching, Hale spoke with considerable composure. Yet, despite his attempt to appear dignified, his eyes gleamed with malice. He never missed an opportunity to torment me. I blinked innocently and asked,

“How are you going to discipline me, Lord Hale?”

“You’ve grown arrogant, thinking you’re something because you’ve heard a bit of praise while learning the sword lately. I’ll shatter that delusion.”

Hale ordered a servant to bring two real swords. His intent was likely to intimidate me, knowing I couldn’t yet wield a real sword proficiently at this age. While it’s petty for an adult to fight a child, I agree there’s no better way to teach an impudent kid a lesson. However, I believe there’s no need to use real swords for such a matter.

I glanced around and broke off a thin, flexible branch.

“I could face you empty-handed, but holding something looks better, don’t you think?”

I replied, gently waving the branch. I rarely smiled, but the thought of punishing the one who bullied me filled me with such delight that a grin spread across my face.

Hale lost his composure instantly. Forgetting his order for real swords, he charged at me with bare fists. If he lacks wits, he should at least have patience. His pitiful lack of finesse made him seem insignificant, and that amused me.

I waited until he was right in front of me, then sidestepped and tripped him. In the next moment, Hale was rolling on the ground. As he tried to stand, I swiftly stepped on his wrist. Even with a child’s body, putting my full weight on one foot would make the gravel digging into his wrist feel like sharp glass shards.

Then, with my free foot, I kicked his stomach hard, and he squealed like a pig. A pained scream came from beneath the foot stomping his face. I leaned down and whispered so only he could hear.

“I’m going to be busy now, so I won’t have time to deal with the likes of you. Don’t bother me.”

“Ugh… you bastard!”

Before he could get up, I pressed my foot on his waist, twisting his arm back. I savored his louder screams with pleasure. The watching servants belatedly rushed over and pulled me off Hale. If he weren’t the Marquis’s son, I’d have half-killed him, and my lowly birth felt regrettable for the first time.

A commotion arose from behind. Seeing the servants’ agitation, I stepped back. Someone was approaching, causing a stir.

“Ensley!”

An older man pushed through the servants and stepped forward. It was the Marquis of Valon, Archibald Zilarad. Behind him, Miria stomped her feet with a terrified expression. In the past, when Hale bullied me, she’d tattle to the Marquis to save me. Things were different now.

As if nothing had happened, I bent one knee and bowed my head. The Marquis lifted me up, checking for injuries.

“I heard Hale was harassing you again. To think he’d brandish a real sword against a child like you—I won’t let this slide.”

“No, Your Excellency. Lord Hale was only trying to teach me swordsmanship.”

“Are you truly unharmed?”

“Yes. I’m perfectly fine.”

The Marquis, who had been worried, relaxed at my response. Then his face turned red and blue with anger as he shouted for his second son.

When he yelled for Hale’s whereabouts, a servant politely pointed to the ground. The Marquis’s expression changed again. He looked back and forth between Hale and me in astonishment. Hale, finally propping himself up with his palms, glared at me as if he’d kill me.

“You beat Hale with your bare hands?”

“It was mere luck.”

I answered humbly, but the Marquis couldn’t hide his excitement. The old lord of Valon was a warrior to his core. He had hoped his sons would inherit his talent and disposition, but both fell short. Grey preferred using his mind over his body, and while Hale excelled with ranged weapons, he was inept at close combat.

I wanted to show a proud expression to the Marquis, who nodded with a satisfied look, but no emotion stirred. He was just an old man who had raped my birth mother, meaningless to me.

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

Not knowing my age showed that, despite doting on me like a puppy, he had little real interest in me. But the moment he reached out to pat my shoulder, I heard the sound of the future changing.

“You defeated an adult at sixteen. I did the same at your age.”

“Lord Hale went easy on me, Your Excellency.”

“Good deeds deserve praise, Ensley.”

I nodded innocently, and the lord of Valon smiled. The old man would die next year, but he might be useful until then.

‘Who knows? If I stay in his good graces, he might toss me a minor lordship before he dies.’

Muttering irreverent thoughts to myself, I met the green eyes I had inherited.

◇◆

After the commotion settled, I grew tired and took a nap. Later, I ate lunch with Lottsi, who visited me without any particular reason. She didn’t return to her room even after emptying her plate.

With Lottsi tagging along, I wandered around the castle. She chattered about the sun, the clouds, and other trivialities, but though I wasn’t interested, I listened patiently. I never forgot for a moment that this was the day she was supposed to die.

As the day grew suitably dim, I knelt on one knee, looked up at Lottsi, and persuaded her.

“Let’s go mushroom picking and visit the mill tomorrow. I’ll even let you touch my sword. But in return, promise to sleep early tonight. Can you do that?”

“Already? You’re not trying to do something fun without me, are you?”

“We need to save energy to play tomorrow. After I take you to your room, I’ll go straight to bed too.”

“Really?”

Perhaps because of the docile attitude I’d shown all day, she obeyed willingly. I held her small hand and personally escorted her to her room. Worried that the curious child might sneak out, I tucked her into bed and stayed until she fell asleep.

I locked the window and bolted the door. I sent the maid to the main hall to excuse Lottsi’s absence from the banquet, claiming she was unwell. Lottsi was safe. With my own hands, I had changed the past—no, the present—and the future.

Back in my room, Miria greetedDigitized by Google me with an angry expression.

“Ensley, how could you come back so late!”

She had gone to great lengths to ensure I looked presentable to greet Grey. In contrast, I had no desire to welcome him and deliberately dawdled. When word came that he had arrived at the castle, I was in the bath. Miria was on the verge of tears.

“What’s wrong with you, why! In the past, you’d have been hovering by the gate an hour early. I don’t know what’s got you so upset, but if you dawdle, I’ll be the one in trouble.”

At first, she tried to persuade me. When that failed, she tried to understand my grievances. When that didn’t work either, she attempted to forcibly drag me out of the tub after I’d soaked for over an hour.

“Did you eat something bad? It’s the day Lord Grey returns from the east after a year. Everyone in this castle, down to the rats, will be out to greet him. Don’t you know how much trouble I’ll get if we’re late?”

“Who’d notice if I’m not there?”

“Others might not, but the lady will definitely notice. Heavens, I’ll get an earful too… You get scolded to tears every time something like this happens, so why don’t you learn? Look at Lottsi. She’s a tomboy, but she’s never late for important events. You’re worse than that little girl!”

Unable to withstand Miria’s nagging, I got out of the tub and slowly dried off with a towel. Instead of the formal attire she had prepared, I put on casual clothes. Swinging my arms leisurely as if going for a stroll, I descended the stone stairs.

It was spring. The night air wasn’t cold at all and felt soft. A gentle breeze from behind pushed me forward, boosting my confidence. The closer I got to the banquet hall, the louder the festive noise grew. In the distance, lit torches flickered faintly. The smell of roasting meat wafted through the air. Grey’s welcome banquet had already begun.

By the time I reached the courtyard, the captain of the guard was in the middle of a toast. My reluctance to see Grey coexisted with curiosity about him at twenty-four. Curiosity easily overpowered my aversion. I pushed through the bustling servants and stood on tiptoe, but the guest of honor was obscured by Hale.

“Today is a joyous day, isn’t it, Your Excellency?”

As the captain waved his glass and leaned toward the Marquis, the Marquis cleared his throat and turned his head away. Just then, Hale bent over to sneeze, revealing the man who had been hidden.

I could only stare blankly. He was far more dazzling than I remembered. His unlined face was strikingly youthful, and his black hair, tied back, cascaded over one shoulder. His intelligent gaze was like a window revealing foresight beyond imagination. At twenty-four, Grey Zilarad was the only one shining among the banquet’s attendees.

Yet, aside from his youth, he was no different from the authoritative middle-aged King of Valon. My vision blurred, and the Grey before me overlapped with the man I had served.

‘I hear you’re not properly valued in the Arives knighthood. A knight’s worth rises only as much as his lord recognizes, which is a pity.’

Grey Zilarad was the only one who truly understood me. To me, who lived earnestly yet was undervalued and misunderstood, he was like a sip of water in a vast desert. I was utterly captivated by his insight and felt ecstasy just meeting his astute gaze. So I thought I’d die for him and volunteered to be the hands and feet realizing his ideals.

Memories overshadowed my hatred, shaking me. The young Grey’s black eyes sparkled with the same brilliance as before. Like in my childhood, when I ached for him, my heart pounded erratically, bewildering me.

‘Did that perfect man truly wrong me so? Wasn’t it my own choices that led my life to ruin?’

Useless thoughts arose, but I steadied my crumbling self. Behind that angelic appearance lay an ice-cold heart. That ruthless man would one day start a war to fulfill his ambitions. I didn’t want to become a slaughterer again. He was my enemy.

Reaffirming my resolve like a declaration, Hale’s useless head blocked Grey again, and I lost my balance. A servant carrying a stack of plates bumped into my shoulder.

Empty plates flew in all directions, and silver cutlery clattered sharply on the ground. After the plates’ screams subsided, the surroundings fell deathly silent. Dozens of eyes turned to me. Amid the unspoken reproach that a lowly kid had ruined an important occasion, I was conscious of only one person.

He was looking at me. His utterly indifferent gaze slowly scanned my face, drying my lips. It was an emotionless look, or if anything, close to contempt. The moment our eyes met, Grey smirked as if I were insignificant. Only after returning to the past did I learn that he not only lacked interest in my soul but purely hated me.

“I’m sorry. I made a mistake due to my lack of manners. I’ve committed a grave sin.”

I bowed deeply, apologizing sincerely. Since everyone knew the Marquis doted on me, the atmosphere didn’t sour. The vassals laughed heartily, trying to pass off the incident as a prank. The Marquis’s wife, who saw me as a thorn in her side, looked stern but said nothing.

“He’s just an ignorant child, so please forgive him generously.”

Grey said this with a smile. It was a cold smile, his eyes unmoving. Though his face was far younger than the Grey I served, that smile was identical.

The captain of the guard mildly scolded me and resumed the toast. I politely retreated and sat among the castle servants at a table in the back. A man—perhaps a falconer or stablehand, his face vaguely familiar—ruffled my hair in greeting.

“For the glory of Valon!”

The crowd’s cheers echoed in my ears. I sat still for a long time, like a soulless person. I had been hungry when I left my room, but tension killed my appetite. Despite the banquet featuring slaughtered livestock and fine wine, my mind was elsewhere. A bard nearby sang of a legendary knight’s life, but I didn’t hear it.

My gaze drifted far. Grey sat in a place I dared not set foot. He was beside the Marquis, but they seemed as distant as Valon and the capital. The Marquis’s wife sat next to him, with Lilith and Hale beside her. When the singing paused, their conversation carried over.

“Your achievements in Floa were remarkable. I’m proud of you, Grey.”

“Thank you, Mother.”

“I could listen to such stories all year.”

The Marquis’s wife smiled gently, her eyes crinkling. She was the Marquis’s second wife and the birth mother of Lilith and Hale. She despised Lottsi and me, pretending not to see us.

The Marquis’s wife treated Grey, the heir apparent, warmly. Though she subtly tried to position Hale as the successor whenever Grey left the domain, the Marquis’s dislike for Grey made her scheming futile, and Hale’s inferiority to Grey was too obvious for her plans to succeed.

“Your Excellency, say a few words.”

“What should I say, my lady?”

“How can you not have a warm word for a son you haven’t seen in a year?”

The Marquis furrowed his brow, ignoring his wife’s words. The gruff warrior didn’t bother hiding his displeasure with his eldest son.

Speculation abounded about their strained relationship. Some cited the Marquis’s hatred for his long-deceased first wife. She was said to have been expelled from Valon Castle and died in a remote place before Grey turned five.

Others pointed to Grey’s lack of resemblance to the Marquis in appearance or tastes. He leaned toward scholarly pursuits and even disdained martial prowess. This clashed fundamentally with the Marquis, who believed only those who wielded a sword like an extension of themselves were true Valonians.

The Marquis drained his glass with a sullen expression and shouted to liven the mood. Swordsmen known for their skill in the castle stepped forward to spar. As it was entertainment, not a formal duel, bets were placed, and the atmosphere heated up.

“Strike at the opening!”

“Thrust and knock him down!”

The Marquis slapped the table, laughing continuously. Lilith Zilarad shifted in her seat, engrossed, while Hale Zilarad waved his fist in the air, shouting.

Amid them, the expressionless Grey looked like a black sheep. Even his appearance was so. Lilith and Hale inherited their father’s deep green eyes and sturdy frame, but Grey bore no resemblance to the Marquis.

“Ensley, will you join?”

The Marquis’s voice made me look up. Everyone was staring at me. Lost in thought, I hadn’t noticed the swordsmen’s match had ended. The victor was a skilled mercenary, raising his sword triumphantly with a confident stance.

Meeting the Marquis’s eyes, he smiled slightly and nodded. He was pitting the sixteen-year-old he always protected against a mercenary. With no reason to refuse, I stepped onto the Marquis’s testing ground. As I stood, I glanced at Grey. He wasn’t smiling.

The defeated swordsmen snickered that a kid had stepped up. Ignoring them, I picked up a practice wooden sword from the ground. It was heavier than it looked.

I briefly forgot my body had completely changed. It was natural I couldn’t move like the body I’d trained for decades, yet I’d mentally mapped out impossible movements. However, the lighter body had its advantages.

The moment my opponent turned to joke with another mercenary, I lunged at him. As he swung his blade low to block me, I stepped on the sword and leaped, driving my knee hard into his chin. I landed safely, hearing his pained scream. In my original body, such a feat would have been unthinkable.

I could have attacked while he floundered and won easily, but I didn’t want to hear it was a fluke, so I waited patiently. The man, now standing, was bleeding from his nose. With a humorless face, he roared and charged.

Our wooden swords clashed a few times, but I couldn’t match his strength. As I was pushed back, his mischievous grin returned. He struck hard, forcing me to retreat, then raised his arm for a downward strike. It was a move that overlooked my rat-like agility.

I rolled to dodge, slipped behind him, and drew my wooden sword across his neck. Had it been a real sword, it would have been fatal, securing my victory.

I tossed the wooden sword to the ground. Even with an untrained body, such a contest wasn’t challenging. I was never a swordsman who overpowered with strength. My knightly title, ‘Moonlight Blade,’ came from my silent, chilling swordplay.

A terrifying silence followed, then the mercenaries began to murmur.

“Ensley Maykin, victory!”

Someone shouted belatedly. The murmuring grew, and awkward applause broke out here and there. The Marquis clapped the loudest. I bowed respectfully to him, then provoked Grey, who was likely forcing a smile beside him.

“If the esteemed Lord Grey would deign to teach me a lesson, I wouldn’t refuse.”

Grey gave a wry smile. I didn’t expect him to accept. It was a lose-lose for him—winning gained nothing, losing brought shame.

Unlike me, Grey had many allies. Before the Marquis’s wife, glaring at me, could publicly scold me, I quickly added,

“I got carried away with my victory and spoke out of turn. It was merely a jest. If I offended, I’m sorry.”

Perhaps because the shock of a kid defeating a mercenary hadn’t worn off, people just stared blankly as I returned to my seat. By the time applause erupted again, I was already seated.

Listening to the musicians’ dance tunes, I drank the wine others offered. Perhaps because of my young body, I quickly felt drowsy. Mercenaries came to encourage me, thumping my back and playfully choking me. My glass was constantly refilled, but at some point, I pretended to drink and poured it on the ground.

Everyone was drunk, plates flew, and a dance floor formed. The stablehand danced with a broom, lamenting his runaway wife. A maid asked if she’d do as a new wife, sparking a commotion when rejected. Amid the laughter-filled night, someone tapped my shoulder.

“Been well?”

Grey stood rigidly, as if untouched by the surrounding chaos. His inscrutable black eyes were fixed solely on me.

The mere fact of facing his cool gaze made the noisy crowd and dancing figures vanish. Under the blue moonlight, only he and I existed. Resentment and anger faded far away. It took great effort not to reach out and touch his face.

What was this pounding? A remnant of emotion? A near-habitual physical reaction? Whatever it was, I didn’t like it. I should have left it behind when I fell from that cliff.

“Thanks to your absence.”

I consciously hardened my expression. The soft night air and lively surroundings returned. Grey only slightly furrowed his brow, not commenting on my tone. I’d expected a slap, so this was unexpected.

“Want to walk and talk for a bit?”

Though it sounded like a suggestion, given our statuses, it was an order I couldn’t refuse. I stood stiffly. Having experienced something similar in the past, I knew the destination. As if planned, I walked in the same direction as Grey.

Leaving the raucous banquet, we walked silently until Grey stopped.

“No one should overhear us here.”

I nodded absently. In the past, we had talked in front of a watchtower near the forest, with Lottsi tagging along like a leech.

Grey had tried to lure me into the forest, saying there was a singing hat deep in the woods that could be heard at night. It was a childish ploy. Even as foolish as I was, I knew the forest was full of wolves.

I didn’t fall for the trap, but I let—or rather, encouraged—Lottsi, who annoyingly followed me, to go out at night. She was an obstacle between Grey and me, and I wanted to scare her off. That was all. The next morning, Lottsi returned as a mangled corpse.

Things were different now. We stood in front of the stables, far from the watchtower. Knowing Lottsi was safely asleep in her locked room gave me courage. But Grey’s words made my confidence vanish like smoke.

“Where’s the little one? You’re not Ensi, are you?”

His piercing gaze fixed on me. As I froze in panic, a gust of wind swept past us. While he casually brushed the hair from his forehead, I scrambled for a response.

“I don’t know what you mean. I must look so common you mistook me for another kid.”

Grey smiled slightly, grabbed my wrist, and pulled. I stumbled forward a few steps. When I looked up, his night-black eyes and pleasing lips were suffocatingly close.

I shook off his hand and stepped back. Acting so rudely toward him was forbidden, and if someone saw and reported to the Marquis’s wife, I’d be confined to my room for a month, but I had no time for etiquette. I was like a man chased by a beast, with no composure.

Grey stared at me and opened his mouth.

“Don’t treat me like a fool. How much could a kid who’s only lived in the castle change in just a year?”

“What about me has changed?”

“Everything. Except for this common shell, as you put it.”

Grey tapped my cheek lightly. I was never good at hiding my expressions, then or now. He didn’t take his eyes off me, and though I knew he was clueless, I trembled as if my secret had been exposed.

“Ensi was a kid who wouldn’t dare defy me or Hale. And no matter how much you trained daily, your movements couldn’t change so drastically in a year. Don’t try to fool me. I know everything. You said so yourself before.”

His words, wrapped in a gentle tone, felt as sharp as a blade. I gave a wry smile. All day, I’d run rampant through the castle, but people didn’t take the change seriously. Servants avoided me, Hale reacted emotionally, and even the Marquis, who doted on me, only assumed my swordsmanship had inexplicably improved.

“I’m dying to know why you’re glaring at me like that.”

Grey’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. Ironically, the one who hated me most understood me best. Unlike the clueless fools, he keenly sensed my change and adjusted his behavior. Instead of feeding me silly stories about a singing hat, he treated me as a different person.

In the past, I was enchanted by his insight into my worth, but now it was different. Confirming no one was around, I muttered coldly,

“Don’t make me laugh. What do you know?”

Grey, without dropping his smile, raised one eyebrow. I glared even harder at his testing expression.

“There was a time when I thought you were impressive, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m not foolish enough to chase after someone trying to kill me. And they say rapid improvement in skill over a short period is called talent. You wouldn’t know, since you lack it.”

Just standing there talking made me breathless. The only silver lining was that my opponent didn’t seem particularly composed either.

“What’s with that expression of yours? Are you nervous that I might take your precious position?”

When I added that, Grey scoffed. In his moment of hesitation, I caught a flicker of unease on his face. Despite being the eldest, Grey was consistently disliked by the Marquis of Valon. His travels outside the domain were likely to avoid friction with his father. To someone like him, my existence, basking in the Marquis’s favor, must have been not only irritating but threatening. The fact that he went so far as to have me banished from Valon, even when I was just a kid unaware of my own potential, proved it.

“Impressive, Ensi.”

Grey spoke casually, but I could feel the wariness in his eyes more distinctly.

“I thought you were desperate to impress me. I underestimated you.”

As he said, I had worshipped Grey. His beautiful appearance, exceptional intellect, and deep-rooted confidence from his legitimate lineage—Grey was the final piece to complete my imperfect self. I craved his approval even more than the Marquis’s. Just as Lottsi followed me, I followed Grey. I honed my swordsmanship to catch his attention.

Back then, I was blind and couldn’t see the venom he harbored toward me. I had all the qualities to be his rival yet willingly knelt before him. Things are different now. Who would be fool enough to fall for it knowing the outcome? The future is mine.

“You’re nothing. I have no reason to try to impress you.”

I spat out the words with conviction, and Grey shook his head as if incredulous. I was about to add an insult but closed my mouth. His palm slowly approached and cupped my cheek.

I had enough time to swat his hand away but didn’t. No, I couldn’t. The spot where our skin touched tingled. I stood there pretending to be unfazed, but my heart rattled like a broken drawer. When he looked into my eyes, I felt exposed, as if I were naked.

“Lying makes you a bad kid.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your outside and inside don’t match.”

Grey smiled. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the rare smile that reached his eyes.

“Be hot or cold, but pick one. When your words and actions don’t align, it’s confusing. Your unpredictable changes are entertaining, but I don’t know when I’ll get bored.”

“Don’t talk like you know everything. You don’t know a damn thing.”

I spat the words heatedly, but losing my composure was proof of my lack of confidence. Grey stepped back and said quietly,

“Want some advice, Ensi? Even the reddest flower wilts in ten days. Think carefully about why you can act so brazen.”

The metaphor was clear. Grey was saying I was being cocky because I had the Marquis’s favor. But if something happened to the Marquis, I’d become nothing.

In the past, Grey didn’t need to say such menacing things to me. I wagged my tail for him, so all he had to do was tame me with scraps. This conversation was proof he saw me as an equal. Hiding my excitement, I asked,

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Don’t oppose me.”

Grey cut me off, speaking firmly.

Was he saying I should behave since I couldn’t win anyway? The thought that he’d always seen me as insignificant, perhaps even until the moment I died, made my fists clench.

“Shut up. I’m not your dog.”

Grey chuckled. In a moment of carelessness, my head jerked to the side. The pain followed belatedly.

“Watch your mouth, Ensley Maykin. Don’t mistake me for a friend just because we’re talking.”

I silently watched Grey’s retreating figure. At just twenty-four, marginalized in Valon due to his innate disposition and the Marquis’s bias, he was no easy opponent. The young Grey was dignified, confident, and dazzlingly beautiful. My blunt, abstract resentment seemed to have no place to pierce.

I touched my stinging cheek. If the price for saving Lottsi was a slap, it was nothing. The first step was well taken, and there was plenty of time before the flower wilted. I intended to struggle fiercely until then.

◇◆

Aside from being the Marquis’s illegitimate child, I was just one of Valon’s knight trainees. Training sounded grand, but it essentially meant serving an assigned knight, so depending on who you got, life swung between heaven and hell.

The knight I served had two squires. He favored the other and neglected me due to my lowly status. While it was convenient not to have work, it meant I had no prospects of becoming a knight.

The day after the banquet, the Marquis reassigned me as his squire. Seeing my changed demeanor, he seemed to have decided to train me personally.

On the first day, he made me polish every weapon in the armory and assigned reading homework. Polishing weapons, even halfheartedly, took half a day. Since I’d never enjoyed reading in my life, the next task was even more daunting.

Still, I was brimming with confidence, vaguely believing this second boyhood would be different. Ignoring the past where the musty smell of books irritated me and small print put me to sleep instantly, I bravely headed to the library.

The library, reflecting the Zilarad family’s tastes, was tucked away in the castle’s most remote corner. The building was old, shaded by a watchtower, and smelled of mold inside. Only one person worked there. The skinny, old librarian rubbed his eyes as if seeing a ghost when I entered. He let me in but shouted not to cause trouble.

Ignoring the librarian watching my every move, I picked out the books the Marquis recommended. I laid three on a table and opened each to the first page. As I compared which had larger print or fewer pages, my eyes began to droop. I wanted to read them all at once, but my body refused. Sadly, going back in time doesn’t turn a book-hater into a scholar.

“This is a sacred hall of knowledge, not a playground for kids like you. If you’re thinking of stealing a book, I’m warning you now. I’ve memorized the entire catalog of this library, so I’ll know instantly if even one is missing. Mark my words. If a single page from the books you touched today disappears…”

The librarian babbled incessantly while dusting shelves. Using his monotone as a lullaby, I fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes again, I couldn’t tell how much time had passed. The surroundings were dim, and the air was stale. The librarian was still muttering nearby.

“After three months of begging, I got it from across the sea. I spent the entire annual budget, but I have no regrets. Here it is. Would you like to see? I knew you’d make that face. Shall we flip through? I checked thoroughly for missing pages. The binding is solid, and the paper isn’t worn.”

I wiped drool from the shelf with my sleeve and rested my cheek on the table again, but the librarian’s excited voice chased away sleep. Just as I thought his monologue was excessive, another voice pierced through my hazy mind.

“Finding this treasure—well done.”

It was Grey Zilarad’s voice. My head lifted instinctively.

“You specifically entrusted me; how could I be careless? This isn’t the only one. I’ve collected books you might enjoy while you were away from Valon. I hid them in a corner so no one could touch them. Would you like to see?”

“That’s thoughtful. I’ll take them all to my room.”

He was just one shelf away from me. My heart pounded unpleasantly. I couldn’t tell if it was agitation from wanting to avoid him or excitement from seeing him.

“There are many, so they’ll be heavy. I’d carry them, but I can’t leave the library. I’ll call someone.”

“I want to see them now, so I’ll carry them myself.”

“They’re too heavy. Even if I must close the library briefly… Oh! That boy’s here. Wait a moment. I’ll be right back.”

Listening blankly, I banged my forehead on the table. It was obvious what the librarian would make me do. I touched the window frame, tempted to break it and escape, but changed my mind. With the Marquis starting to notice me, causing trouble wouldn’t do any good.

“Hey, you’ve got work to do. Come here.”

The librarian, who had been groveling to Grey, called me with feigned arrogance. I stood up roughly. I was annoyed, but not just because I had to serve Grey. What irritated me more was the subtle anticipation rising in me at the thought of walking with him soon.

Just as my status remained unchanged despite traveling back in time, and I still disliked books, my gaze followed Grey, and my body yearned to be near him. Telling myself it was just a habit to discard and that it would improve, I muttered inwardly and walked past the librarian.

Turning the corner of the shelf, I saw Grey. I paused briefly, then resumed walking.

“You need me?”

He looked up from the book he was engrossed in. Surprise flickered across his porcelain-white face. He stared at me, and I didn’t avoid his gaze.

“Why are you glaring like that?”

“Seeing you in the library is quite something.”

“Is there a law saying someone like me can’t come here?”

I answered brusquely and snatched the book from his hands. It was dreadfully thick. The librarian, as if waiting, stacked about five more books on top. When he added three more, my chin touched the leather cover. The weight was one thing, but the position was terribly uncomfortable.

“Deliver them safely to his room. Understood?”

The librarian flashed a fake smile. Ignoring him, I stepped outside. Forgetting the weight of the books in my arms, I walked quickly. I strode far ahead, and Grey followed slowly, not matching my pace.

We walked silently under the spring sun. Soon, my speed slowed. I gritted my teeth to endure, but it was too much for my underdeveloped body. My hands were soaked with sweat, and the book edges dug into my arms.

By the time we passed the garden, Grey had caught up and was walking beside me.

“Why were you at the library?”

He asked casually. Though my attention was entirely on him, I answered nonchalantly.

“His Excellency the Marquis gave me special homework.”

“Father?”

Grey emphasized “Father,” and it sounded somewhat awkward. It was proof he cared that much. The Marquis’s favor was, at this point, my only means of surpassing Grey.

“Yes. Thankfully, he’s going to train me personally.”

“That’s great. Maybe you’ll become my knight someday.”

“Maybe. I’ll easily earn a title, but we’ll see who I swear loyalty to.”

As I spoke recklessly, I crossed a line, and the conversation naturally died. Grey was silent for a long time. Without looking, I could feel the atmosphere freeze coldly.

“Interesting, Ensi.”

Grey responded calmly to my provocation. Even his soft, whispering tone couldn’t hide the speaker’s chilly emotions. I wished he’d lose his temper like Hale and charge at me. If I could throw down the books and beat him to the ground, everything would be much easier. But Grey was a man who never got riled.

“You’re not heeding my advice.”

“I don’t know what advice you’re talking about. I’m slow-witted and forget things easily.”

“I’d be disappointed if you thought I was joking.”

“You said to be hot or cold, just one.”

“So you’re deliberately being cold? That’s funny, since you still look at me like I’m a toy you want. Wouldn’t it be better to whine to play together?”

I felt pierced. Revenge for a past not yet reached, anger filling the void of castrated love, deliberately crafted hatred—Grey, knowing nothing, stabbed at my contradictions.

There was no doubt he’d become a ruthless lord in the distant future and use me, but he was also just a twenty-four-year-old youth. Just as I wasn’t a slaughterer, Grey wasn’t a bloodthirsty warmonger. Not yet.

Still, guarding against him and assuming he’d ruin my future were my only defenses. Was it just to hate someone who hadn’t yet sinned? The doubts I felt at the banquet when I saw Grey again tormented me once more.

“Just nonsense I spouted. Don’t mind it.”

I answered without looking at him. Walking quickly, I suddenly stopped. Sensing an odd unease, I turned my head left and saw something moving in the bushes. Hale was aiming a large slingshot at me.

Seeing him release, I couldn’t move nimbly with my arms full. I barely dodged a pebble aimed at my temple, but my foot caught on a stone, and I stumbled. A dizzying sensation hit as everything floated and crashed down. I fell onto the books.

The book the librarian had cherished was slowly stained with muddy water. I hurriedly picked them up, but the bottom one was already irreparably soiled.

Grey took the thickest book from my hands and checked its pages. Fixing his gaze on the cover, he called Hale. Hale, standing nearby with a triumphant expression, approached.

“Hale, what happens when you throw a stone at someone carrying books?”

“Someone? You don’t think that guy’s a person, do you, Grey?”

“Just answer the question.”

When Grey showed slight irritation, Hale shrank and gauged his mood. Looking between me and the books Grey held, he shouted,

“All this fuss over some books? Make a list and send it to my room. I’ll tell Mother and get new ones.”

“There are fewer than five copies in the kingdom. Look at the damage you’ve done.”

Grey opened the book with a cold expression. The bottom was stained brown, and the paper was puckered. Hale opened and closed his mouth as if he had something to say, while Grey waited without blinking. Hale’s confident demeanor gradually faded. After a long pause, he muttered reluctantly,

“Sorry. I didn’t know it was that valuable… I’ll try to replace it.”

“Forget it. Go.”

Hale turned and left the moment Grey spoke. Grey sighed, blew dust off the book cover with his mouth, and extended a hand to me.

“You okay?”

While I stood frozen in confusion, Grey stared at me. Even when I regained my senses, I couldn’t answer or take his hand to stand. Instead, I roughly gathered the fallen books and clutched them.

I walked quickly as if nothing happened. My already tangled thoughts stopped processing after what had just occurred. Grey was the Marquis’s heir, and I was just a commoner living in the castle. He was polite to everyone, including me, but not kind. Something had changed. It was probably a whim, but I was helplessly swayed by the unfamiliar kindness.

We reached the main hall quickly. Confirming no one was around, I said rapidly,

“I know you hate me enough to want me dead. So stop pretending to be nice.”

I meant it. Grey’s superficial kindness only unsettled me and was no help. Though I knew what kind of ambitious man he’d become, I was easily swayed by his captivating appearance, perfect manners, and elegant demeanor.

Grey didn’t respond. Curious about his expression, I looked up.

“I’ve never liked you. I didn’t know you realized it.”

Grey smiled as if he’d been waiting. Even the shadow covering half his face made him look alluring. Feeling queasy, I averted my gaze.

“To clear up any misunderstanding, I was worried about what you were carrying, not you.”

“Yes. I was gravely mistaken.”

My face burned. The conversation died, and we reached Grey’s room. It was a building I, in my place, dared not set foot in, and I’d never seen the inside. Grey opened the door and gestured for me to enter.

His room smelled of old paper and leather. Like most rooms in Valon, it lacked luxurious furniture, but it was filled entirely with books. Several bookshelves were packed, and thick books were stacked on the floor.

On the desk were a penholder and a few rolled scrolls, and a shelf held a kettle and teacups neatly arranged. One corner had a black curtain draped around it. I recalled that he stayed up late and was sensitive to light, always hanging a canopy around his bed.

I set the books down beside the bookshelf he indicated. Instead of thanking me, he crossed his arms and stood crookedly.

“Who’s responsible for damaging my books, Ensi?”

“It’s all my fault—Hale throwing a stone at me, tripping foolishly over a stone in my path.”

“You know well. If you were a servant, I’d have fired you on the spot.”

“I’ve committed a mortal sin. Just kill me.”

I sneered and strode toward the door. Grey sat in an armchair, opened a book, and replied nonchalantly,

“If I can’t fire you, the one who recommended you must take responsibility.”

“Do as you please.”

By tomorrow, Valon Castle would have a new librarian. Not my problem.

As I reached the door, Grey said casually,

“I hear you’ve been picking fights with Hale lately?”

“He started it.”

“You’d better not stir things up.”

“I’ll do as I please.”

As I was about to slam the door, his added words stopped me.

“I misjudged you.”

Gripping the doorknob tightly, I glared at the back of Grey’s head.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem to have changed as much as I thought.”

“What are you saying?”

“Just what I said. Get out.”

Taking a deep breath, I smelled Grey. Without looking back, I left the room and closed the door. My head spun, perhaps from climbing stairs with a heavy load.

◇◆

A week passed. I ran errands for the Marquis, scurrying around the castle and polishing countless weapons. I visited the library often but didn’t read a single book. The new librarian didn’t scold me like the old one but seemed to pity me for sleeping half the day at a table.

As word spread that the Marquis was personally training me, the vassals and servants treated me more kindly. Especially the servants, eager to curry favor for when I became a “knight,” patted my head or offered food, acting friendly.

I fought Hale twice more. Once, he picked a fight, and once, I hit him for no reason because I was in a bad mood. After Hale got a bruise on his cheekbone and the Marquis’s wife threw a fit, the Marquis forbade us from being together. So I got a bit bored.

“It’s our second meeting—what should I wear? You’re a guy, so pick something. A white gown symbolizes purity but can look gloomy, and a blue gown is elegant but seems cold. What do you think?”

“That wrinkled fabric over there looks best.”

“That’s an undergarment. Honestly, what am I doing asking a clueless kid?”

Lilith Zilarad was as infuriating as her brother Hale. Eight years ago, she fell for the second prince of Arives at the royal court and dreamed of marrying him. Quin Arives had no title and was a wastrel, but Lilith fell in love purely because he was a prince. However, she had two advantages over Hale.

First, she was easygoing. Lilith was among the few who didn’t scorn Lottsi and me, the illegitimate children. Surrounded by gruff people, she seemed fine with anyone who’d listen to her.

Second, she had a clear sense of purpose. Her decade-long dedication to one goal was admirable, no matter how trivial that goal was.

“I think the green gown matches your eye color well, Lady Lilith.”

“Really, Lottsi? Now that you mention it, you’re right.”

Lilith’s goal didn’t remain a fantasy but became reality. She was a tenacious striver and a radiant achiever who ultimately reached her goal. Lilith would soon become a princess, which was why I wanted to maintain a good relationship with her. Their marriage was utterly miserable until Prince Quin’s assassination, but that was none of my concern.

I wanted to build connections in the royal court to give Lottsi more opportunities. When she grew older, she’d need someone to introduce her to society. Since the Marquis’s wife wouldn’t help, I had to rely on Lilith.

“Now pick out some jewelry, Ensley.”

“What are these… Are they for your nose?”

“They’re earrings, earrings! Stop saying dumb things and pick which will catch His Highness’s eye. Wait, I’ll try them on one by one.”

And so, I endured this ordeal for hours each day.