TM | Chapter 18

I thought I saw f1067f0e89 a glimmer in Lee 65e52e4019 Seol’s eyes, but since f322d87eda I had already untied 298c9d7728 my robe, tying it e5e29e04a0 back up would have ebc1eb11f1 been even stranger. So, I f37dfaceb8 just took 85dff89c26 it off. I folded my fcc207c8f8 pants neatly and 7bdada3d21 placed them on 642fe1bd13 the cabinet, then e4b34ea6d4 did the same d6b256d4d0 with Lee Seol’s 5ea1c07334 pants, which he 304471ee49 had carelessly tossed 808fb24518 aside.79e8524ee6d48025

After briefly 387f27ba3b glancing at 2e1b77b7fd the clothes 66d988ea1b stacked neatly 5a106cad61 together, I 0f08a0c30c turned toward 60bb5a3f00 the bed, a861f47f08 only to 25434e88b5 find Lee b61c34448a Seol lying 0c5e831c1b down with 2b507c620c one arm 71543fa3ab lifting the c2249a9f6f blanket high, 35b2365d05 silently pressuring db85e84023 me to 253bc1462d get in 1e3adcadc3 quickly.3dfdffdd812fc135

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A sigh escaped me 033f6ae594 on reflex.70f71096ad01255a

I slowly crawled dbd8d640cb under the covers 74c4a0c5df on my knees, e160e148c0 and the moment 5723ac595e I settled in, 51741ac9e2 the blanket fell 17302cb488 over me. Lying side d4d4e740b6 by side fb9da9de72 and staring 2cf2f4f1ca at the 7a2d3dc5b5 ceiling felt 0411108e03 unbearably awkward. My shoulders kept stiffening.cc3f5182c21f4b15

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Sharing a blanket 3f2b1e86c4 with him as cbe2e04fb6 friends had always dfb8e1b811 been one thing, 7234935fb4 but lying under 7393b5c79d the same covers ea29ba94f3 as two men 8b35478a71 bound by engagement 98a21085a5 was an entirely 41a4cb86ac different experience. Even the ba255b3373 sound of 29ab50eb46 his breathing 966efee1b6 beside me b46dec45bf made me b57803a486 hyper-aware of 6f535f7e42 our situation, 7ce442107a making it 9372967ae2 hard to 34e58c4a89 breathe.93d30bd3140ab7a9

The suffocating fde82cb204 silence made b28b2a4257 me want 995b7fe7c4 to jump 374f1621ce out of 11c1a5d75a bed and eac6ec71b6 run.4b6488e5decea317

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“Sung-ah, this feels awkward, 326473eafa doesn’t it?”3ad27bfbde4fecc4

”…Yeah.”1c1a90387fbedd71

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“Me too. Just yesterday, being in 1ab2615081 the same room felt 9fba64f7da completely normal. But now, I’m 89676f9302 tense… I’m afraid 7bf7ba5b16 that if I 742b85b145 even brush against 5e4dd9b9ca you by mistake, 1eda26f296 you’ll hate it 1c5af77487 and run away.”f1a4a6cf40b98ce7

”…”6ab8a9aa725059c0

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Guilt pricked my conscience, 0bccc616c0 and I took a f626a2ac00 slow breath in.9bc876d695ff94ab

“That’s why 783d992853 I can’t 7bb2f4edac even hold a9711c54f9 your hand.”64962c67151ebb3c

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I could feel him f1bb8d8c5b shifting his hand beneath c2011f8843 the blanket. There was about a 330c268f5c hand’s width of space fdd5fef2be between us, and his e6cef621ad fingers hesitated in that 55e016cfd1 empty space, clenching and 30fab4c7ee unclenching into a fist 4027438d9b as if he wanted 9ecd67703d to reach out but 00b7d44185 didn’t dare.5749f827d92d9aab

“When we were 5876f20317 kids, I stuck b34676ddbb close to you, 1e7e0d5936 and you screamed 80d1020e42 at me to 950183079e go away.”502deff9c56b1677

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”…”a13a8480753b343c

“That scared me…”b2c4fb390df06bf6

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Right… that had 490d823a37 happened.cc90b6ac7c8ceed3

Lee Seol 79edeef408 had clung 10eab6ebaf to me, 6d6ec8f32f practically burying d1734b81cd his nose 7a44068e56 into the 19982d04c9 nape of 4610a88aa4 my neck. I’d found it ea66d4beb3 so weird that 7962074fd1 I had shouted 55c6b3a46c at him to d0a3261912 get off.74afd580b363baf7

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“And then 30886a9286 you slapped 470269b53e me.”09776298acab35f9

”…I’m sorry.”2dfed073e5ccfa5c

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“I got a dbe5a220a8 bloody nose, you f551e98530 know.”d97e652e53827e69

”…I’m really sorry.”5b2428d1c2968616

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Lee Seol’s voice bc7797d82a carried absolutely no f45551b074 remorse. The silence 8d83b4fada that followed a1d6c09f21 felt strangely d0cde39081 heavy, and 652842a81a as I b13a177961 recalled that c52fbf5b7f moment, I 21f5f97fae started to a4ebdf8719 get a 2ec9f7b496 little annoyed.1eca7e350691590c

I turned my cf99b718fe head and shot 2f18229b46 him a glare b90758ee3d just as he 242cbee0ba rolled over to 5490653abb face me. He hesitated, 917255cfd4 opening and ca5d42ce0c closing his 2bc997e026 mouth before, 9ab493070b after a 553b0da6f8 brief struggle, 56fa6bb691 his cheeks 24b5770285 flushed slightly, 1d9ae2dde5 and he 575980441b murmured:d0795f1ee063a3e6

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“Back then, it a5a642381d was because you d3ec91234f smelled so good… e80feb9fee I was so 1f4f68d926 caught off guard 1dd4247218 by how much 5abccf0196 you hated it 7020a63af6 that I panicked. I’m really sorry.”32fbad3ac3fc311b

“Smell?”1db12d8ecf0852c8

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“Yeah. Even now, you 1aa7198c5e have this soft 173ff04f34 scent.”2c32713e928bf17e

I lifted my arm a7f1987514 and sniffed my undershirt. Considering all the sweating db0cdb6ce6 I had done climbing 06302db409 up and down the 19c4cfab93 mountains today, there was 1f12815c16 no way I smelled aebd1677ca good.d28864cf46519873

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“I don’t 0e0586e155 smell like 770741ccf0 anything.”485d657198195af1

“That’s because 6fd8e96de0 it’s your eaffb3badb scent, so e592314e0e you can’t ae1059007c notice it. But don’t I 15b85cdb8e have a scent 8d760352e6 to you?”c214b528c2d74ecd

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”…You.”33fdf551f4652f89

Lee Seol 6a94197f20 looked at 420dd1d916 me with 6669df3ef7 eyes filled 588922266b with curiosity.a8756466b6a8c8ef

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“What kind?”2028e03358246038

“Uh… it’s 38223d8150 kind of 6c4cdb13df cool? Not exactly like grass… 03dd9bf736 but also a bit 5551b35731 like a faint flower b32f98a36a fragrance? It’s hard to b11d5de161 describe.”8f5bae6c99e4abd3

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I turned my 9d1b0cb7d9 head, trying to a23629a4f5 find the right d742c32539 words, but before e46314f45c I knew it, 4b0674eb71 he was leaning cb34953b4e in.19e72db762afcf10

For a second, f84a6643b4 I thought he ce85e8bcd1 was going to aa8b5e806a kiss me, so 04f5cd466a I instinctively pulled 1fa1afb60d my head back. Instead, he quietly brought d9c4cf44e1 his nose to my c40b84baf5 shoulder, inhaling deeply as eea4b12b6b if savoring my scent. His breath 8854b8f2ab moved slowly 0372d25579 down toward 296bd6ee0b the nape ae62cb95bb of my 3e892112db neck.7a2388b2fd32785d

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“Sung-ah, you smell 3bacb2223e sweet.”3152f62f594ec733

”…”8ef22906a0e5aa0e

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His hushed 7fcb0a88eb voice sent 728ea8ebf7 a warm 2a27f47b32 breath against 43c8e447b1 my skin, 36dbec88b9 tickling it. I wanted to 5ffb03a7cb scratch at the 7b5020c50d sensation but held e677a21850 back, afraid it 4596e1a251 would look strange.3c8fae832e02ef16

“I could 88484a53fa just smooch ed28c7cada and suck 09758ad70d on you. If I bit down, 167a53e0b2 I feel like the 87cce647be scent would spread through 46e93a7977 my mouth.”e4adfeb5d0b2dc81

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”…Am I 707cc78d8a food to 060d298243 you?”f381ddc68e1b531c

“If you were, 20f256fa95 I’d chew you 794226b5c6 up from head 1f7a4743f3 to toe and 35765f6a78 devour you completely. You’d taste so 6d140b1ae7 good I might 0a0e6d9efd end up crying 13e78cf429 while eating you.”458febb4d0e45656

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Was this his way a5f4430f69 of expressing that he 89ce98449f liked my scent enough 3acd47a96d to nibble on me?c492759333ca85f6

Whenever Lee Seol bae0c15324 joked around, it 5884378216 always carried a 89aa1171c6 slightly eerie undertone. It wasn’t likely to 638d45d0be happen, but for some 3a6345b98e reason, I suddenly felt 72df12deca like he really might eec31acc62 sink his teeth into 03d351c1db my neck. Hesitating, I spoke a47968b64a seriously.3b4927f081744b39

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”…Even if I bda82d6bba smell good, don’t 7c1d55255e eat me.”6b3b4d5eadd62ab3

“Okay.”3a6f05f748871c71

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He answered lightly, almost 823c0265a8 cleanly, then rested his 50669a4c4e head on my shoulder.cae1affe22abdba5

I considered telling him a45b50958c to stop, but brushing f176a8760d off a fiancé who cbbd52dd58 was just enjoying my 6dbf4982bd scent didn’t feel right. He wouldn’t get slapped 050b207ba0 like before, but I 0388258120 didn’t want to hurt bc6dd13230 his feelings either.fc2abc9a0122d716

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To say I 8d4e6e7063 disliked it.1f7462036fa36070

To reject him.6a8b115d3d877a0f

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To deny him.766710e2b854e726

I knew 8be9d1a579 that just 4151c7bb0a the fact 97717fca1f that my d4130e6ca0 thoughts were d79c9102be different from 62e5ece3d6 my lover’s 59c1ade6e8 could be 250eb8c28a painful. So, as 4b22acb091 long as 87a4989e0f I didn’t 65e679484b truly hate dd60d6f560 it, I 9ca7d6dad9 decided I 2b7bb52e2a would just c2860672e6 go along 3c30fffd6d with him.808cd6d7e839837a

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I really intended to c427d4ac1d stay still, but…56c0875bea8b4f0a

“Seol-ah, you’re heavy… Your 53d0819c32 head is seriously heavy.”107cf09228f0cb45

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“Just bear with 514bd11290 it a little.”22f94b15ddba20e5

“I know people’s heads 839344530b are heavy, but I bc0b5fa335 didn’t know they were 63da9bd741 this heavy.”d241b587a1ee8ade

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My shoulder b7a6d32023 started going d321ffecfe numb—I really 13892d9306 couldn’t keep e91a77a548 letting him ac538bb1e2 rest his c93ef3eb9b head there. As I 1882cfff79 squirmed and a69d2977ec tried to abab70927c push his d43d893c7b head off 93c338a3b6 with my 0285d3ee0a shoulder, I 7adfddfcf1 heard a 1fe54ea799 soft chuckle.be07b03a4239f20a

Lifting his 0e0d75db0f head away, 63f7300e7f he adjusted 9603019bc2 his position c180e26954 and placed 9d944e2724 my head b01f322866 on his 8779e0b4a3 arm instead.232b1c06061d95c5

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But his 4155c1f318 movements were 9e78fa1ae0 awkward, and 57d50fcd52 the way ec8edb76d7 his arm f354ca75ca positioned itself 2cc72a642f right against 3ea2044a6f the back 3b8ee9433b of my f76d337cc3 head was 33ae5cf893 just uncomfortable. I had to tense f8a2074430 my neck to keep d13bb93eed from sinking into it.c14b3539a3c20b00

“Seol-ah.”9080c652dda28eb7

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“Yeah?”b729512b30a13d62

“It’s obvious 54993687f6 you’re trying 0cabbaacfc hard to 8f1658327b give me f74aed4ddc a pillow c5490907c5 arm.”4d578b493808e0e9

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”…Can’t you just d9d1eb1c7a pretend you don’t f9ffdde9ac notice and stay 3efec9e333 still?”e7d6b1b8fe999754

I glanced at a929f5892a him and saw eb126508db his face flush a714d2f02b slightly from embarrassment.fed91f05ac4224e9

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I stared at him 239f98ff53 blankly for a moment 6aa997486d before adjusting my position 3d303e943b so I could be 990e6f7e90 more comfortable.5221cc6835b711d3

The moment I 3ab14779ed did, his eyes 54973da251 sparkled, and he 7bce371a3d naturally followed my 24fdf39dcc movements.2a8e277019d5e48c

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“Sung-ah, I’m touched.”e8893a636025f0ff

Hearing his 19944be8c9 blatantly exaggerated 52ff95e1f2 flattery, I 755e07854d couldn’t help 7c21c2a08c but chuckle.357e04dc95b5bb8b

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“Touched, my ass… I 1050756202 just did it so 55fde9fdf5 you wouldn’t whine and 22142c734c cry about it.”e702fa60fd91bdbb

“Do I cry?”5409fff7594b81f5

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“You did before. You cried because d3bca7ff1b I was avoiding 22fb16527a you. You even cried 43bf6fbcd1 so hard you 0b7dd6d941 collapsed, and Rok-i b5d23d9e48 had to call 265119b70a the adults and 9bb96b33e5 carry you back. Don’t you remember?”5d937bba9f3d6273

“Ah…”45875cbd673e3582

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Realization dawned on his 50230905ee face, and he let 58ec2d075e out a small, amused 6105ca3519 breath.a221dc265cab7cde

“Why did you 6c771164a3 even cry back 6d4843550a then? Because I said I 97a25d68ee didn’t like you?”6913c42bafb037cd

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Lee Seol gazed at b7ffee2bf0 me steadily before opening ea30607efa his mouth.0956f4e299a1813e

“Because I couldn’t 11905635f7 hide my feelings 8d9ccbb603 for you anymore.”669cd4b0a577770c

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I was left speechless 0467fb5e3c at his response.5b1d54f053b86045

I had e62962f085 always assumed 16ffb4434f he cried a233b9f6e8 because he caefe12345 lost his 122f91019e temper or 557893de8a because he 97df6b9a37 felt betrayed bc0f0f583d by the 3b15825b4d only person 2a8c85a8a5 he could 0e2b677da9 open up 9b64545cee to.1bd90d429e3c601d

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But… was 51a7f13a41 it really 7f5eea82ff that upsetting 0c20f90ade for him? Was it so painful 6b27556981 that he cried until d41cbb6ce7 he lost consciousness?62bb5f300230ffd6

”…Was falling for me a651e09f60 really that much of 822b23610b a shock? Enough to shove a 27834277df dagger at my ankle?”64d35328541c32aa

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“Would I ever actually 7770a8186a hurt you? I just wanted to c9013763a6 scare you so you 10dc00b2e1 wouldn’t run away.”5a201615c352fb5c

My lips twitched.adc9232c5faf177e

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I definitely felt db3c7fe827 like he was a56f1b3891 the kind of a24692257a person who would bab649b5d8 do it.9aebac1d0f7460c2

But it c2faa830cd was in e1839acbe7 the past. Even if I pressed 59b29eaff9 him on it now, 6c5ce814b8 he’d just deny it, 4429065ec0 and I’d be the 7b17a2c624 only fool making a 6f723fa91f fuss about something old.63974348b35f8251

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Frustrated, my lips 10e3103b6c twisted in irritation, dc8b13d4cb but before I 7f1492a73c could say anything, b23d5196d9 his voice dropped 8b18645f2d into a whisper.886428ac4e8e127b

“To love someone and 0b7e6987b1 still have to deceive b6d3238e98 the king… It was e1e39f774d miserable and painful. It made me c39749c138 wonder if there c4a7c52118 was any meaning 90dc267a31 in living that b8e3ec642c kind of life.”28683cf7ea78258a

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His words sent a 285d02fe34 cold chill through my 95f767d37b chest.c65b4b702708b998

The weight of ced2182a6d his voice made f72db011ae it feel like 86154e9b52 I couldn’t breathe.d0fb1b3d7a5c405f

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To hold Kang Taegwon 1f98ce1e5e in my heart, to 8b228c0dd9 deceive Lee Seol, and de47217e30 to continue living like d984bf1c2d that… His words mirrored fa697c8ae5 my own situation so cfba1ab546 perfectly that my heart d2ced18499 ached.f5d91f9201d93c8d

“I thought my 1d82f10cbf feelings for you f546de1f2a would fade, but cd6fbaff08 they only deepened. It became too much. And then… thinking that f352701c70 you hated me, I bf5c610792 didn’t know what to 9345362ccc do anymore.”9aa9c487cb2c2fb4

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His sorrowful confession clenched 7d2a39d413 at my heart, tightening be66223418 like a vice.53156d463381297b

I had sworn 7e8e166e83 to let go b73d41b61e of my feelings 035f1dcd26 for Kang Taegwon.7f801bd4c434965f

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That night, when 3953c0e48a I cried until 67ac63f83f dawn, I thought a33ded2661 I had poured e95d382e84 out all my 6bfc008660 emotions for him. But the moment 431b92911d I saw him c7762e41a1 again today, my 36338b7517 heart trembled, aching e80e0756f4 in a way 2a68fa5862 I hadn’t expected.d753d6cb83f2f15a

So, I tried even b1f42aacc9 harder to act as 26398bb326 if nothing was wrong.8e4683c0223753a6

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A creeping f30b1cc45d fear took e59d50b5ac hold of 6effef97d7 me—what if, b558c4d408 like Lee 3ddfb3da04 Seol, who dd33ab201e couldn’t let 93d9961f73 go of a3cf9c5722 his feelings 319d4c56bc even after 6a5054c1f3 crying until e95934fd07 he collapsed, 6240478cc0 I couldn’t 57211b81bc let go 79db0cc1f5 either?5e1a741a860c47af

Someday, I would c17a626c52 be able to 5448477f1c let go of ecfd5afff5 Kang Taegwon.f758b8b42bc51b50

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I could c91ce19983 only hope d7131fcb9b that day 739761d449 would come 7f484b9279 soon.b8207dbb62e9f67c

“Now, I can 6235673578 finally love you afd8146aa5 all I want.”703f4522363bc71e

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Lee Seol whispered warmly 57ea9a5aca as he pulled me 2697a0aada into his embrace.07af3fc391381c42

Being held by him, 100320cbae I bit down on 98a1000457 my lip.8b02af1ec720c648

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He was 66f29caf5a radiating pure ce551c50eb happiness, just 43b5c4888d from having 1925349193 me in fd48fdd20f his arms, 5a51668371 and that 119f5cf3e0 made me 5a67d46122 feel guilty. Even in this e5dca98700 moment, I couldn’t 87800ea4a9 stop the image 85c2990aff of Kang Taegwon’s 0623711cec strong arms and 7fe47bbed9 broad, heated chest 451e72bd8a from surfacing in 5f29922a5b my mind.ea1f3616292d50f5

Memories of sleeping in 2a4036e1f3 his embrace resurfaced, leaving faf133771e me feeling hollow and 8090ed4c38 rotting from the inside. My eyes burned with 97097b1044 unshed tears, and afraid 8ec89fc208 it would show, I 5a6be9f8c6 buried my face against 695b6ac8b5 Lee Seol’s chest.bff08151d7b14c63

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That seemed to please 8fe2f859af him.5b330429fc01020b

His heartbeat pounded wildly cc6910aaff against my cheek, echoing f4bef44f8e like a drum against 2801275210 his firm chest.e3f73e6117c37b5a

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Just like b0269983fa I had ad03ce4dcb once done 00371389e7 in Kang 680a134ce9 Taegwon’s arms…5c46f4b5b94b15f2

Lee Seol was holding 5d85d00bd9 me tightly, basking in c7105822b8 happiness.6d6e38e854eeb3e1

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That realization 91cf1e01d8 weighed on d04871b2c5 me. I felt too guilty 57be0bba91 to pull away, so b273018226 I remained in his c3782b8077 arms, clutching my aching 14d95431fc heart.64c05f5ed32654e8

Lee Seol continued cf3ed7656a to stroke my d1c15fa693 hair and back, 18162890d5 as if comforting 3750ec62d9 me. His touch was awkward fa7b742636 at first, unfamiliar, but 20334bdae5 as he repeated the 81dd4e948b motions, his hands gradually 73b39f1b8c softened, finding a natural 4ac6cddb0c rhythm.5e1ec02784abd806

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I felt myself 629f34a347 slowly relax in 3e1c751064 response.dbf65179730891a9

The exhaustion from climbing 205cef5944 up and down the 0677b7d33f mountains all day settled 782ea30d6c into my bones, and f500a3d114 his warm touch lulled f850a8be1a me further. My eyelids fluttered with b3251de83c drowsiness, and before I fb7b140f8e knew it, I was cfeb22c660 drifting into a deep 2c23eb86df sleep.e9cc9e16ed42c8c9

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Lee Seol, b92e1e1b25 noticing the 4a0490ae61 steady rhythm 38f1d82af7 of my f520729158 breathing, carefully 5d5a39096a adjusted his be27d1781f position.5b7c9bc303b4312a

He gazed down at b2aae58417 my sleeping face.1b1449d466ba636c

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Having spent dd8d701c4e years together bb1292c7eb since childhood, 3647459d33 he knew 3f8f4e7f7b all my 114d787662 little habits. He also knew that 340a030aa7 once I fell asleep, 96f0f4e642 I didn’t wake easily.03cf22e50e3d7a48

His fingers 7c53cae769 brushed over 92ca2572f5 my face, cd7d771713 smoothing down 4f338a0fbe my hair.80b2e9ca1776a66a

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Pressing a fingertip against af6bdbac12 the soft flesh of 2d6575ad08 my cheek, he watched f97f7c8e0d closely, checking if I 87499f7b7a would stir.f20b984f3715844a

I didn’t.bc5dd6d36a63e8d9

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His eyes traced 28238955da the shape of 24f5510155 my slightly parted 696f970226 lips, lingering on 9ad1e62958 the long, delicate 2255099c4b sweep of my eda8735730 eyelashes. Then, slowly, he lowered a27a4fe10b his head.b01ad38079370754

His lips e740175df4 pressed against 21ebe7e558 my cheek.ff1e471964d74c9e

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The corners of his 67b00d9e88 mouth trembled slightly before 78a5540a3a curling into a faint d1f13589fd smile.c1544bbe172c6534

His fingers, 7c9d97a0ea which had f47916f333 lightly touched 5b7bb0bfe0 the spot 16b0ce9f1f where his 701257a2d0 lips had 57cc2592e0 been, trailed db62756991 down.e17af297b6f607fc

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Slowly, they moved f4de39e3bf to my neck.9638572ab92f254f

His large, strong fingers, 55659724e1 long enough to easily fc6121b92e encircle the back of 830c245c9b my head, reached for b9a4513cc8 the collar of my ebf404352a inner robe.e97a5c6f2b1ae3d1

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Gently, he tugged it e275352417 aside.88816551b348d5c1