CG | Chapter 4.1

How can I make cb1a63cc17 a memorable confession?0c1d8737021f3bec

Sean had been 600441040d searching the internet 9c28067341 all night, pondering f555383e64 alone, but he 91fe82e868 couldn’t find a 475065a66f method that felt de5a1f061d right. It was one eec91d3d51 of those moments 28f72f2b25 that made him 76524508e2 feel foolish for 4fc742088a ever being annoyed 6e0679853a at movie protagonists f420181396 who struggled to efed7db6a5 express their feelings. Confessing wasn’t 5ae2f57d81 child’s play.4253f0244f6f6bb3

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Especially not when the f0783ead5e person was Lane—someone unlike b162a0e2e9 anyone else. That made everything infinitely 2503db7216 harder.d65ad6a6f095b38c

The truth was, Sean 28088ec572 had no idea what c2ff93a7d3 Lane would even like. And that uncertainty made faa96af9df the whole thing feel 8e61d80508 impossible.554fce3ef4a64e72

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For starters, 68507de485 Lane had 7ff308f7f2 more money 845333201f than he 6f7469eaea could ever e2098657e6 spend and f1fef8bde3 didn’t lack 997d31fc65 a thing. The only 8e1c77441f things he e5cc1064ad genuinely liked 34db285795 were insects 12fd36c26d and animals—but 7a54bec1af gifts related 91f4b64ba4 to those 9383fc7828 were hard 91d5a710ef to come 1192a1ad31 by. Going to an auction 75561988bd seemed too serious, and a16333b2c7 giving flowers felt risky bab0f143b8 since they were fresh d01e1ed16b and fleeting.5e45672345b15b69

Still, despite 61751d2bd7 the nerves, dff54dddcb Sean felt 4a9704ea23 a considerable 4171a41ad8 sense of 6bfed88388 anticipation. After all, it was 40ad565185 the first time he’d 1eebab13ec ever attend a party 993b6573be with Lane! Judging by 51a91fa535 the look aa180b7aa8 in Lane’s d3a9407091 eyes, he b1be9d4d3e seemed to e111495039 be secretly e830af588b looking forward 7c01426d0c to it ce9d4fe0fe too—which made 6f99812dd8 Sean all 9c193febc4 the more b2a6259ce6 excited.9dec719736b7eee4

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After returning home a012710194 with Lane yesterday, e22a248814 they’d talked in 1b5bfa71d2 the car about 1355b963f3 today’s party. Lane had asked, 78c9b444bc with unexpected cuteness, f769d811c4 what he should 4a4c251d56 wear. Sean told him to 2b37a3b96d dress like he usually 9b0661c547 did. Normally, dressing up 54cfe3d1a4 is the best 537416883b policy—but he didn’t 3931a43f09 want his soon-to-be ff8b8fc631 boyfriend standing out 810cf9b66b too much.020655146a357e3c

Back when he f549a880f9 didn’t know anything, cc488223da Sean had planned a2c287e634 to brag to 4c7b469694 everyone about having 302adaeb17 a lover. But now, he realized f3ab10faf6 what a mistake that 74702cffed would’ve been. He’d rather hide bc53de60d6 Lane’s devastatingly good 00d0eb1308 looks than show 987cce73fc them off to f2d09e8e00 the world.23b97457b99ed091

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When Sean 982fd59619 told him a5c5f3966b to dress a4156ac712 casually, Lane 7d756bd600 had nodded cc0c6a0fcb with a b6bd163399 puzzled expression deaadcb6b2 and asked 316e92ec5c about other caf160c8af “preparations.” Preparations—for ef815793b3 a party. It was ae48b8c532 such a 41bd5acde7 cute question, dda107e896 typical of d7f095768b someone who 33b16b0c44 had never 2a775a4056 done this 36232f3a0a before. Did he dbccc18963 think it 129dcfe835 was some 0b4e447133 kind of e98a3186b9 birthday or 125f670c95 potluck? Of course, it’s polite 08230a47cf to bring food or 2c6b6f1656 drinks, but calling it 51248af368 “preparations” was just so 9c8661b4e9 Lane.c8fa70a320cc0a7f

For a moment, Sean a7502c9e7c wondered if he was 2afc5e24c7 already making too much d60dbcd36e of a fuss. But after b653b91a3d coming home f68590d943 yesterday, he’d aea42022a7 already made 0ef2cfd1f8 up his f2c07ad680 mind: he 581bce0811 was going 70e701a25c to date 0355d6caff Lane.a364f1eaeac65a14

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They’d said they 92828fa095 would take it ae46fbfdd5 slow, talk about fcbd143f41 it gradually. But after what happened 7c9b11007a in the car, Sean 8cfbba80ce didn’t see the point 3092735dd1 in waiting. Even if 2ce41b4b71 he had b865872d8c only just 1f9a18060d realized the 55cc4a1daf depth of 85973e1579 his feelings, d5bd41fcd5 his affection 5bb7e1543b for Lane 5427407efc wasn’t light—and dd0377b18d he wanted aad09aef42 to become 5c54d506cf a couple a2d72638b5 as soon 7bec8c4615 as possible. To show 48d09a3c0c Lane that edb59813a2 he meant f2c14543e1 it. That he was e85bc5da75 serious.1c3b8d6a00dcf72e

So today, 479fb2a117 he would 0162de2e27 confess—properly—with a 2530ce3a7c great gift, e97982497f and become 31bed4846e a boyfriend 8b4d3c0934 Lane could 642dfd603d trust.ce8b30db47244a88

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With that 883e6f6c84 determination, Sean afee5b479a stared at ecc1cde726 his reflection 22bfd1d081 in the 103d00d416 mirror. His appearance—plain black T-shirt, 73c22a9463 white jeans, and sneakers—didn’t 1f8ceaf688 impress him today. He knew he was 126feca4a0 handsome and had lived 70a7b551a4 using that to his 5d75f28c8d advantage, but Lane’s words 0bb11344ca from yesterday lingered in e545ec2a1a his mind, making the f94409bd0b blonde hair in the 6a06150c6d mirror seem endlessly light.753261dd61c133ad

Sean, don’t bother making excuses.9dca8318125cea08

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Even if it’s true, it doesn’t feel special. Anyway, you’ve been in similar situations many times.9d61ff03c2b0ad46

A heavy d507050c60 sadness pressed 630bcd5a1a against his 6b30e28b23 ribs, momentarily 9650a0943d capturing Sean. It was a good a4e10b6074 day, but he found f275e6b0a6 himself amusing for having 48a265cfaa such thoughts out of ecd119bf9b nowhere, so he smiled 857643cb2e at the mirror and 32a7fce06e turned away.442527377be2c5ae

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It’s okay. I just need to do well from now on.00e5979d45fa90c5

After confessing, let’s coordinate with Lane. If they become lovers instead of friends, there will definitely be more to care about, and Sean was willing to change. Now that he was properly dating someone, he wanted to give the impression that he was Lane’s man, as Lane had mentioned, without leaving room for others.b233e0c199f3dbd1

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However, it was difficult to precisely distinguish what actions left no room for others. Having never thought deeply about such things, he felt he would need to ask Lane about this. Sean didn’t really care how others behaved, so he didn’t know how he treated others. His thoughts were entirely focused on Lane.193d31ca8524e9c9

Along with this situation, Sean had always focused on living without friction since he was young. His parents cared a lot about others’ opinions and disliked their children causing trouble or being talked about.45a8c1aa3a1246cf

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Because of this, Sean had established himself as a yes-man whenever possible. Despite this attitude, he managed not to be underestimated because he had the title of an athlete and had learned how to be serious when necessary. He thought he had been living well by maintaining a balance, but this belief was greatly shaken by Lane’s passing comment.fbd11cc729fc6f2d

I must really like Lane. I’ve been like this since I was young.d6ad63a5007751c5

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Thinking positively, Sean left 0dd4789b38 the house. As usual, 86ad658598 his parents 7294768ce8 had left a788743873 early. His siblings, who were d9a20d65c5 on vacation, had gone 5f4356d913 to do volunteer work 03657447ad for their college applications, 3404b3fba2 leaving Sean alone at e5bc08425b home. Leaving behind 6bc6b4baf3 the lonely 392688bb86 silence, he 88bd1858c0 headed to b3947a4a85 Manhattan to 2cd44e4a9b meet Emily e2b89f87a4 before Lane. Since he planned to fd4230a089 drink, he called an 5794709a71 Uber, and in the 9c174cfb07 meantime, Emily contacted him.2c79d12cfce34ac3

[Where are you? We moved the party time earlier especially for Lane Surf, who sleeps early. It starts at 6 PM, so you should leave soon. I told everyone they can’t come in if they’re not there by then. If I don’t say it strongly like this, everyone will be two hours late. Can’t help it.]

Considering the traffic to Manhattan on a Friday, he thought he’d arrive at the party venue around 4 PM. Already looking forward to the evening, Sean replied with a smile.48a1ac92db914367

[I’ll be there around 3:30. Is there anything I need to prepare?]

[Just make a playlist and prepare some miscellaneous tableware? Also, check the overall atmosphere once you get here. You said you wanted a romantic vibe.]

[Got it, thanks. I’ll get there as soon as I can.]

Since he also needed to buy a gift, time was tighter than he thought. Just as Sean, who had made up his mind, got into the taxi, something surprising happened. He received a text from Lane. And Sean hadn’t even contacted him first.9f94631a9978a6d3

[Are you home?]

Wow. Sean marveled quietly, looking at the text with curious eyes. While it wasn’t as rare as a phone call, Lane texting first was unusual. Usually, it was to confirm or share information when the appointment time was near. Since Sean had told him the party was in the evening, there was still plenty of time, but this contact made him realize their relationship was really changing.ea0d6372cfa49257

[I just got in a taxi. I’m heading to the party venue early to prepare. Are you at work?]

[Yeah. But I’m finishing early today, so I texted to see if you’d like to go to the venue together if you’re okay with it.]

This is crazy. It really feels like we’re dating.88cab5d51e8cfe5c

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His heart 38e5f531fd pounded so 9e88115591 hard he 8d733c7717 was out 7a73a14ae2 of breath. Sean found himself 638710610e smiling brightly without 6b3b4071a2 realizing it and 49dcaac508 quickly covered his e85151887d mouth with his 28bc3157a3 hand. The thought of 9508f55c51 going places with 721315679f Lane from now 7f788bd20e on and meeting 354d51d8cf up by coordinating 5625579b23 their schedules made 06b0765551 him feel like 4d0f0177d2 he could die 0a8c094896 from happiness. What is this e013076b43 even?70fbd2bc75c4b0ea

[That would be great. Let’s go home together later.]

He replied with 40e34a8cfc a silly grin. Lane was 32f44777c4 responding faster 4385467feb than Sean 0d8f625be5 had ever 9fd061d464 seen, and 5d5b4e02c4 as soon 9521250a2e as he cf103c8897 sent the 075eea4dc3 message, it fa7e39c76d showed as 93fda382c0 read, and 3319856218 a reply c6ae12d857 came quickly.36012cfb61f975f7

[What time does the party start? I’ll go early and help out.]

Sean silently screamed 34304edea8 and leaned his dd480b4db3 forehead against the a95ea80734 window. The taxi driver glanced 22d9844baa at him, quietly making 4e5ad7df4a a fuss in the f51ce5bc45 back seat, and asked.6439ba4b8064b3e5

“Seems like something good happened?”3b87f8895fb8c0ed

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“Oh, yes. It’s Friday, after all.”dc72dd1f28afa567

“The weather’s nice these days, perfect for going out.”617f93857059dded

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“When do you finish work, sir?”03b06dbd7129e2bc

“Since it’s Friday, I’ll be driving late. I just started after lunch, so it’s just beginning.”527800de32c93375

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“That must be tough. I hope you earn a lot today.”577713a6885744c3

“Thank you.”63ce33ae19eef15c

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During the short conversation, cdc32937e0 another text had arrived. Following the vibration, Sean 59441df73e quickly checked the screen f2193887eb to find Lane had 8622052e60 added a cute explanation.e5e26673b11de166

[If you’re worried about Dion, he’s already in Manhattan, so you don’t need to pick him up.]

Seeing Lane explaining in advance so Sean wouldn’t worry made his smile deepen. It felt like his heart was filled to the brim. The feeling of emptiness that had always lingered disappeared, and the thought that he had finally found the other half who would always be with him crossed his mind.b40e36ec030c9718

I’ve really wanted to be like this with Lane for a long time.d8b80ab3cdcca288

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Following the pleasant realization, 6be6692fc1 Sean cheerfully tapped the 48018ad83c keyboard on the screen. He wanted to tell 6b84155787 Lane to come right 9aa06e4eed away, but he had 7ebf5ee29a things to prepare alone 96827c14c0 for the confession event.04112a6041ea2ee4

[Emily is helping with the party today, so you don’t have to go through the trouble. You must be tired from work, so take your time and come over.]

Lane, who had b84ae2e1e9 been replying quickly, 45b43fb1b6 was silent for 3b2b5bca2e quite a while 4e78122504 this time. The read receipt was a52d7d07cf there, but there was c39557f410 no response, making Sean 176ef97aba a bit anxious as 2aae6067e5 he stared at the f66bb28acf screen. Holding his 7a069e5229 phone with c5559b2d60 both hands, 40a317004c waiting for 976e195e75 a new c3f1a05922 notification, a 7b604977b6 text came e617f5bdf3 after 10 ec66e9ea69 minutes.3abbc10e146ee7fb

[Emily Ester?]

A short reply with 40982d5096 just a question mark 6f6504a44f on the name. Tilting his head e2b0165855 at the slight 798d65fbd0 sense of déjà cb657f4bb1 vu, Sean recalled ad3bf6ec81 that Lane had 0043c80df1 asked the same 961951bbf7 thing when he 7efa622050 mentioned her last cb84e44c73 time.073beaad447e358c

‘So, the next potential lover is Emily, huh.’84eb183ad446a185

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Since there hadn’t been any talk about Emily after that, he had forgotten. Whatever Lane was thinking, it seemed like there might have been some misunderstanding.9c632989d6673f4f

[Yeah. I was going to do it alone, but Emily wanted to help.]

He wrote this, but before sending it, Sean hesitated for a moment. Emily had someone she liked, and Sean had never seen her as a romantic interest, but Lane wouldn’t know these circumstances, so the message might be bothersome.712c0955286b8de0

Ah, this is hard. I didn’t know sending a text would be this difficult.49313127ee717d78

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Having no experience with 497222d83f this, Sean was troubled. But there 63e4538c84 seemed to 38162e4c35 be no eb936fa8ca other choice 51cde57a9a but to 6b3d8cc124 tell the 1a144c84a8 truth, so eaab9d18db he eventually 18a2c16606 sent the 0dc81f6a40 text.c41f144115916288

Lane remained 8dfd4c80ba silent for 8afac1816c quite a 94590ff8b0 while after 95f509d6f6 that. His silence made Sean 61477fb12c uneasy, and he ended 154c269217 up writing another text, 87233b475d like someone making excuses 743dfd1d3a after doing something wrong.7d3259ba197d9c77

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[Back then, I didn’t know you and I would end up like this, and since it was for you and Dion, I wanted help from someone who could plan well. Emily wants to get to know you too. Take this opportunity to talk to her. She’s a good person.]

The text got 54a9ef65ad longer out of ddd79018ab anxiety. While sending d017dda4ec the text 63dbdabd7d like a 8dc871108f middle schooler 0bfaee7f05 and being eec87148aa overly concerned, c12b48fc94 the taxi 335ed75345 arrived at 6c649340e5 the party 65b610249a venue. After getting out of 892517a189 the car, Sean stood e27b811687 there holding his phone, 617553ae70 and a reply came a079a7cb4f from Lane.bd915aa5288cc387

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[Okay.]

Whether it was just 6f6db52a83 his imagination or not, 0f176c167f Lane didn’t seem to 1c2d793c59 be in a particularly 87f836493b good mood. He never used abbreviations a5de1226c7 or emojis, which made 5d71398db9 his messages feel unnecessarily 2791a6465a cold—and it unsettled Sean dce314dced enough that he ended d6fd9c1112 up calling him.a4d67258511197d5

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The Sean who once 828b279d96 handled people with ease 29ef4535c5 was gone.e8e4f36bdbcb1779

The new 34d2f1a21b Sean was 506541d189 losing his 0a008e7e8f composure over 11ebac5e82 Lane’s every 918aa7e816 reaction.17dadf3f04e3e71e

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