CG | Chapter 1.11

After placing the order, the two settled in the living room. Sitting in front of the large TV that took up the entire wall, Sean started to carefully choose a movie with the remote. Let’s see. What movie would Lane not find too childish?

His fingers on the remote felt indifferent. He had been excited just a moment ago, but his mood had changed. As Sean quietly selected a movie, he pondered for a few seconds before asking Lane, who was sitting next to him. His gaze remained fixed on the TV.

“You must have talked for a long time to forget about grocery shopping.”

Then, an unnecessary question slipped out without him realizing it. He swore he hadn’t meant to ask such a thing.

Embarrassed by his own words, he lowered his head. He didn’t know why he acted like that, and the tips of his ears turned slightly red. As he clutched the remote tightly, wondering how to handle the situation, fortunately, Lane answered.

“We just ended up talking for a while.”

Thankfully, there was no scolding about why he was so curious. Sean nodded and quickly tried to change the subject by focusing on the TV screen to pick anything. The problem was that nothing on the screen caught his eye.

We’ve never chatted on the phone like that before.

Well, we did see each other often and were always at the same school, so there wasn’t really a need. Even if we knew each other well, there wasn’t always something to talk about, and there would be different topics with someone you want to date, so it couldn’t be the same as with me.

Even though he understood it in his head, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Relationships between people are only known to those involved, so it’s not about who is more important.

Sean Delight, you idiot. You decided to purely think of Lane in the forest earlier. Stop these thoughts right now.

He must have become too arrogant until now. Since Lane’s social circle had only been him, he couldn’t get used to this situation. By this point, Sean started to worry about Friday’s party. He couldn’t take back the suggestion he made, but he wasn’t sure if he could act nonchalantly when he saw Lane with Dion.

Why am I like this?

It’s awkward to say it himself, but Sean was someone who didn’t cling to people coming or going. He had felt disappointed with Lane at times, but he had long since learned to let it go. So he had always believed he wasn’t someone who would cling.

Sean, who had been moving his lips, finally lifted the corners of his mouth. When he found it difficult to express the words inside, he always smiled out of habit. If he didn’t take heavy things too seriously, they usually passed by smoothly. After all, people generally do what they want, so no matter how much he said, nothing would change.

“Sounds good. If you’re talking on the phone like that, you’ll probably start dating soon, even if you haven’t gone on many dates. Actually, come to think of it, you might not even need to date. Everyone can see you’re attractive and a good person just by being around you.”

After choosing his words carefully, Sean spoke sincerely. Feeling disappointed was one thing, but he genuinely hoped his friend’s first romance would go well.

“…Didn’t you say earlier that you should date?”

Lane asked back, sounding confused. It seemed like he was bewildered by Sean’s inconsistent attitude. Sean steadied himself and turned to meet Lane’s eyes.

“That’s the standard way.”

“How many times?”

“Um… If it’s obvious you both like each other, once. If it’s confusing, three or four times?”

Silence followed. Lane leaned back on the sofa and ran his fingers through his hair. His forehead was revealed, showing his pale face. He looked slightly tired.

“It’s difficult.”

“I agree.”

“You have people who like you just by smiling.”

Sean burst into laughter.

“You care about that? You’re the one who doesn’t even bother with whoever comes near you. Honestly, Lane. If you just tidied up your bangs, people would flock to you.”

“I’ve had enough of that when I was younger. What I want is…”

Well, Lane wasn’t always someone who rejected people and hid his appearance. Though he didn’t know the details, he heard from Lane’s mother that they left France for England because Lane was severely harassed by people around him when he was young, and then moved to the U.S. due to his father’s business.

“For the person I like to like me back. Not for someone I don’t want to want me.”

For some reason, those words touched Sean’s heart. It was true. The people Sean had met so far were those who wanted him, not those he had wanted himself.

The only person he had ever moved first to get closer to in his life was…

“The delivery must be here.”

The doorbell rang. Lane let out a tired sigh and got up to walk to the door. Sean, who had been staring blankly at his back, snapped back to reality and returned to choosing a movie. He picked the latest one from what seemed complicated.

The movie was a sci-fi film about a battle between AI and humans. Seeing a familiar famous actress as the protagonist, it didn’t seem like it would be the worst.

“Should we watch this?”

Sean asked Lane, who had returned with the pizza. Lane glanced at the TV screen over his glasses and nodded.

“You put in some effort.”

“Anything with Jennifer Lopez is usually decent.”

Responding thoughtlessly, Sean took the pizza from Lane and set the food on the table with familiar hands. Since he repeated training and classes, he didn’t have time to cook in the dorm, so he often ordered delivery and was used to it. When he opened the large pizza box, a freshly baked deep-dish pizza with glossy cheese appeared.

He immediately wanted to eat it and reached out, but Lane lightly tapped the back of his hand. When Sean looked at him with a dissatisfied expression, Lane gestured toward the hallway with his eyes.

“You need to wash your hands.”

“Right.”

His hunger had clouded his reason, and he had momentarily forgotten. Putting aside his dissatisfaction, he quickly ran to the hallway, washed his hands, and returned to find that Lane had already served the pizza on plates and poured drinks into glasses. The trash was already disposed of, and the coffee table in front of the sofa was clean.

Seeing that, Sean realized anew how meticulous Lane was. Once someone entered Lane’s circle, no one would want to distance themselves from him, just like Sean.

“Thanks for setting it up.”

Smiling, he quickly sat next to Lane, who nodded. Taking the remote Lane handed him, Sean started the movie. After the familiar ‘N’ logo appeared, the opening began immediately. Skimming through the slightly chaotic opening, Sean focused on the pizza.

Whether it was thick or thin, Sean always folded the pizza in half and took a bite. Driven by hunger, he took a big bite, and the chewy cheese and marinara sauce flavors spread in his mouth. With a serious expression, he chewed thoroughly, and after two bites, one slice was already gone. Only then did his reason return, as if he had put out a fire.

“It’s always delicious.”

Turning his head with a satisfied sigh, he found Lane staring at him intently.

“Why? Did I get something on my face again?”

“No.”

“Then why were you watching me?”

“I was curious.”

Lane seemed unwilling to say more and picked up his pizza. Unlike Sean, he placed the plate underneath and silently took a bite, looking elegant and pretty. Picking up his share of the vegetable pizza, Lane tasted it and nodded in satisfaction.

“Rona Pizza is indeed delicious.”

“Right? I don’t know about anything else, but when I move, not being able to eat Rona Pizza anymore is the biggest regret.”

“Why can’t you eat it anymore? You can have it whenever you come to my house.”

“I’d love that. But I don’t know if you’ll have time. Once the semester starts, I won’t have many reasons to come here, and you’ll be busy on weekends, won’t you?”

Lane questioned as if he had heard something absurd.

“Why would I be?”

“You’ll be hanging out with Dion. If you’re sure you’re dating, you won’t have time to see me, right? It’s the best time. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying this because I’m uncomfortable, but because you’ve never dated anyone, so I’m explaining.”

Sean continued to bring up the topic of Dion, as if half-brainwashing himself. To prevent himself from feeling upset like a child losing a friend, he thought it would be better to engrave this fact into his mind.

Lane, who was about to refute, stopped and listened to Sean’s words, then asked a piercing question after he finished speaking.

“When you had a girlfriend, you spent most weekends with me. Your actions and explanations seem different.”

“That’s because…”

He usually seemed uninterested in what Sean did, but apparently, that wasn’t the case. Sean felt both happy that Lane noticed and, beyond pure joy, a sense of embarrassment. This topic was already uncomfortable, but it was even more so with Lane.

“I…”

Lane stared intently at Sean, who was stammering. His eyes, usually hidden, seemed particularly visible today. The pressure blocked his throat.

It’s because I’ve never had a girlfriend.

But there was too much to explain to tell the truth. Regarding this topic, he had always denied it to Robert and his friends, saying he wasn’t dating, and he had also denied it to his twin sister every time, but strangely, he felt uncomfortable bringing it up in front of Lane.

That’s why, even at school, when he saw Lane, he would turn his body and go elsewhere with the girl he was with. He had this strange thought that his behavior might seem disrespectful and that Lane might be disappointed.

“I made a lot of time during the weekdays.”

“Didn’t you go home with me after school?”

“That was in the evening.”

Seeing no way out, Sean finally revealed a part of his non-dating history for the first time.

“I met them a lot at night.”

Lane remained silent. Since Lane was inexperienced in this area, Sean hoped he wouldn’t understand the implied meaning in his words, waiting like a criminal awaiting judgment.

Unfortunately, Lane wasn’t that naive.

“So the rumors I heard were true, then.”

With a voice that sounded quite disappointed, Lane averted his gaze. Feeling a sense of distance, Sean asked, shrinking back.

“What rumors?”

“That you’re amazing at night. I heard that since middle school.”

“That’s not true.”

Lane didn’t respond. He turned his gaze to the TV, focusing on the movie that had moved past the opening and was now showing machines.

“You don’t need to explain. I don’t care. It’s your private life, just like with Dion and me, so it doesn’t concern me.”

It was a clean response that was hard to argue with. Sean had nothing more to say as he witnessed a line being drawn in front of him, indicating that he shouldn’t interfere in such matters in their relationship. He wanted to tell Lane that he wasn’t as cheap as he thought, even if he wasn’t curious.

Come to think of it, from Lane’s perspective, even lightly dating and kissing girls could seem frivolous. Swallowing a pointless excuse, Sean forced a hollow smile.

“That’s true. Anyway, Lane, since you haven’t been interested in dating more than others, I was trying to give advice in that sense. You said you’d like my help. But if it bothers you, let me know. I won’t interfere anymore.”

Carefully observing Lane, he saw him nod slowly.

“Got it.”

“So I can help you?”

“You’re definitely more knowledgeable than I am, so yes.”

“Great! Feel free to ask me anything you’re curious about. I’ll try to be as helpful as possible.”