CG | Chapter 1.3

Sean, as if shaking off the feeling, smiled with his eyes. However, for the moment, he felt uncomfortable facing Lane, so he turned his back and resumed chopping the half-cut onion. The sound of the kitchen knife scraping against the wooden cutting board echoed.

“And I think I should tell you this in advance.”

Following that sound, Lane spoke.

“I’m interested in them. So I’d appreciate it if you could help.”

The knife blade, striking once more, nicked the tip of his nail at that moment. Simultaneously, a sharp pain surged, and red blood began to stain the white cross-section of the purple onion. But the shock was greater than the pain at that moment. Sean, startled, turned his body and asked him.

“Interested?”

Lane, about to answer, shifted his gaze to Sean’s finger, dripping blood. The faintly smiling expression hardened as Lane approached him.

“You.”

Lane, who had approached with a stride, pulled Sean’s wrist. Staring at the left index finger, where the nail tip had been cut and a bit of flesh was scraped, he frowned his dark eyebrows. The eyes behind the glasses shone intensely.

“What did you do to your hand?”

“Oh, this was just an accident…”

“Follow me.”

Lane, speaking in a low, deep voice, had lost the fresh expression from earlier. As soon as he finished speaking, he quickly walked to the living room, holding Sean’s wrist. Being dragged along powerlessly, Sean blankly stared at his captured wrist.

Is this real? The stinging finger suggests it’s not a dream.

Even if he had made a friend, the bombshell of suddenly having someone he’s interested in was shocking. What could have happened to Lane in just a week?

Somehow, a premonition that their lifelong, established lives would change crossed his mind.

.☘︎ ݁˖.☘︎ ݁˖.☘︎ ݁˖

Luckily, Sean’s left index finger wasn’t seriously injured, but it kept bleeding. He was dragged away from making breakfast and seated on the living room sofa. Lane, wearing a stern expression, left the room and soon returned with a first aid kit. He took out a band-aid and Neosporin, gently pulled Sean’s hand toward him, cleaned the bleeding area with gauze, and began applying the ointment.

Neither of them spoke. The sound of birds chirping peacefully filled the space through the window Sean had opened. The scent of grass and leaves drifted in on the gentle breeze. As Sean quietly watched Lane tend to his wound, he reflected on the elements that always came to mind when he thought of Lane.

Lane’s forehead was exposed—unlike usual—perhaps because he had brushed back his hair in frustration, revealing more of his natural face. Unlike Sean’s sharp, straight nose, Lane’s nose tip was slightly rounded. If you looked closely beneath it, there was a faint mole—different from the ones near his eyes. Sean liked to look at the mole on the tip of Lane’s nose whenever he lay with his head on Lane’s thigh.

Did that kid Dion really see Lane’s face properly? How did they become friends?

The thought of the mysterious person, supposedly a year younger, filled his mind. As Sean stared intently at Lane treating his wound, he hesitated for a moment before asking him.

“So, is Dion a girl?”

The name was gender-neutral, making it hard to guess. Lane lifted his lowered eyelashes and looked at Sean as if glaring.

“Is that important right now? You almost lost a finger just now.”

“Sometimes you get hurt while preparing meals. You cut your finger once while slicing Beef Wellington too.”

“You’re talking about something from ages ago.”

Lane replied coldly. But Sean didn’t mind and laughed out loud.

“Ah, back then, I could still carry you around. Remember? The day you hurt your knee, I carried you all the way here. You were so cute.”

Until middle school, Lane was much smaller than Sean. Unlike Sean, who had been growing rapidly since elementary school, Lane had a growth spurt in high school and was probably slightly taller than Sean now. They looked similar in height due to Lane’s slouched posture, but if he straightened up, there was about a finger’s difference.

“That was a long time ago.”

Lane brought Sean back to reality from his reminiscing. The clear difference now made Sean feel a bit bitter.

“You’re right.”

He ran out of things to say. Actually, he had a lot to say, but it was hard to bring it up. He wanted to ask how Dion and Lane became friends and why he was interested in him. Honestly, he was so surprised by the idea of Lane liking someone that he wanted to express it.

Afraid that questions would pour out if he opened his mouth, Sean pressed his lips together. Lane briefly glanced at Sean’s expressionless face, then wrapped a band-aid around the carefully medicated finger.

“He’s a boy.”

It was a quiet whisper that came out casually. Sean, who had been somewhat out of it, finally understood Lane’s words.

“…A boy?”

“Yeah.”

Sean asked again in surprise, but he was quite shocked. It wasn’t something to be said so nonchalantly. Even though they grew up in a queer-friendly city, it took a lot of courage to reveal one’s identity like that. Yet Lane revealed his preference as if it were nothing.

…A boy.

In a fleeting moment, many emotions surged in his heart. They clumped together, making it impossible to discern the details within. It just felt overwhelming. It wasn’t disgust, but somehow it felt strange.

However, Sean soon composed himself and smiled to avoid showing his surprise. To prevent his reaction from hurting Lane, he smiled brightly at him.

“If you’re interested in him, he must be a good kid.”

There was no need to make a fuss since it wasn’t like there were no gay people around. Lane’s parents were different from his own and seemed supportive, so if his family was okay with it, Sean didn’t need to worry unnecessarily.

Lane quietly observed Sean’s reaction. The sound of his long black eyelashes fluttering was audible. As Sean watched Lane kneeling in front of the sofa and looking up at him, he reached out and brushed Lane’s hair aside.

“If there’s anything else I can help with besides the party, let me know. I’ll gladly help.”

Lane remained silent. He just stared at Sean with calm eyes, like still water. Looking into his eyes, which resembled a lake in a clear glass bead, Sean felt a strange embarrassment and turned his head slightly. It was a familiar sight, yet it felt oddly unfamiliar.

After a long, inexplicable silence, Lane finally spoke. As he moved away, still holding Sean’s finger, Sean felt the lingering sensation and flinched.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Lane asked the question and slowly stood up. As his previously slouched upper body straightened, it cast a long shadow over Sean. Watching Lane’s back as he picked up the first aid kit and headed to the living room cabinet, Sean hesitated for a moment. He didn’t want to act too contrived.

“Honestly, I was surprised. I never thought you’d…”

He swallowed dryly. Sean didn’t know how to explain what he felt.

“I’ve never seen you get close to someone so easily. The fact that he’s a guy doesn’t really matter.”

He stopped speaking. Nothing had changed, but it felt like something significant had happened, and a vague sense of unease brushed his mind. Sean wore a confused expression, unable to understand why he felt this way.

Thud. The sound of the cabinet door closing echoed loudly. As his unfocused gaze turned to Lane, who wasn’t looking at him, Lane spoke.

“Maybe it’s time. I’m twenty-one now.”

The calm, low voice blocked any further questions. Sean was left speechless. Right. Now that they’re adults, it’s the time to meet someone and develop interests in such things. Most boys started dating after middle school, so Lane was quite late.

If Lane had been a little less reserved, he would have had several girlfriends, or rather boyfriends, by now. Thinking about it this way, it felt strange. Lane’s preference being guys.

Lane’s casual revelation had momentarily thrown him off, but his thoughts began to settle. The unfamiliar unease seemed to stem from the unfamiliarity. It was Lane, after all, so it was understandable.

After shaking off the swirling emotions like smoke, Sean nodded. Then, as if to lift the slightly subdued atmosphere, he suddenly stood up and approached Lane, who was watching him from a distance, and playfully put an arm around his shoulder. As Lane slightly staggered from the force, Sean pulled him closer and spoke in a mischievous voice.

“So, you’re really an adult now. Tell me more about this Dion kid while we eat. I need to know about the person who might become my best friend’s first boyfriend.”

Lane, who had been listening silently, slipped out of Sean’s arm. As he released the shoulder hold, Lane replied in a reluctant voice.

“I don’t think I need to explain it to you. It’s personal.”

It was a typical Lane response. If it were him, he would have been excitedly introducing and bragging to others, but Lane was far from that.

Despite it being an expected answer, Sean felt a strange sense of distance. Their relationship, which had never really had separate spaces, felt like it was splitting in half. There would be moments in Lane’s life that Sean, as his “best friend,” would never know.

“Is that so.”

The words he had tried to use to shake off complicated thoughts ended up having the opposite effect. Normally, he wouldn’t have paid much attention to Lane’s cold response, but today, it wasn’t working. Perhaps it was because he had been put in an unwanted situation since morning and had heard something he never imagined.

“I just wanted to celebrate. After all, he might be the first person you date.”

“You didn’t tell me about your first girlfriend.”

A blunt reply came. Sean opened his mouth, then closed it. A rebuttal rose to his throat but flowed back down.

Well, contrary to what everyone thinks, I haven’t dated anyone seriously either.

Despite what Robert and others around him thought of Sean Delight as a player, Sean had never seriously dated anyone.

He always rejected overly serious feelings because they felt burdensome, and the girls he hung out with usually saw Sean as a “trophy.” Those kinds of girls were comfortable for Sean. People he could enjoy without getting too deep.

Sean always met people like that. So, he never had a serious relationship, and he never slept with the girls he casually dated.

Because.

…This is really embarrassing.

It’s because he couldn’t get it up. Damn it.

Strangely, he could manage up to kissing, but when it came to going further, he just couldn’t. He tried to go further under the pressure of a heated partner, but he never fully got it up. Not that there was a functional problem. Really!

There were no issues when he woke up in the morning or when he masturbated. He even consulted a family doctor just in case, but was told it was simply a mental issue. However, since others wouldn’t necessarily understand this situation, Sean couldn’t actively refute the rampant rumors about him. It was actually impossible.

Fortunately, Sean believed he had some manners when rejecting partners, so there were no rumors in that regard. Even if the partner claimed they hadn’t gone further, more people wouldn’t believe it and it would get exaggerated.

Still, being labeled a player was better than being called impotent. Sean had lived thinking that way.