| Chapter 32. Since When Did It Start?

‘Of all places… he af78a26ba5 had to be in c5c6ff6c45 the study.’16671530ede68180

Natasha’s face 25926003e7 turned pale 47c862b237 as her bbf17aa265 heart pounded c4a5feff4b uncontrollably.
She had 55182a8ff6 to pick d530a3f966 up the 3c97dac420 book and 8a03008ae4 hide it 01a2ba0c76 before he 9099d9da21 saw—but…69c6199f67581ee3

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Alexei was far quicker ecc33f8bb1 than her.
Before she 3c43534a44 could fully 1ce4003b8b reach out, 1bd312f16d he had 6539e8d7c1 already snatched 0c7fb3cc45 the book f2c5253c0f with the 6ca12692d6 instinctive precision 701ca83bbf of a f5a7bc998d gladiator exploiting f4eabed55f a weakness b34d06bb69 in his e744349e04 opponent’s defense.d2d5bc61e01f883f

‘What do febfd22562 I do… 6c1278b8e2 It’s over.’7195e3f33958f379

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In the suffocating silence, 0844dfae72 Natasha stared at him 8dbb0163d1 anxiously.b5fdd1640c8697ec

‘Please don’t 857adb9c04 know what 2b92086922 it is. Surely he 3bff7958ca wouldn’t recognize 126ed8d91f a book 228d3ae3db from a e03bce9fcd foreign land. Please…’24670f2cfe539506

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Had her 97120ec8d8 desperate hope 436a720cd4 been granted?a133a8cc79c4631e

Lifting the 24c02b7b9d bright red 00aafe5031 book from de69c53afe the floor cd468a2d7f at her d04b34db0d feet, Alexei 6490dc4ce5 tilted his 221afd9daf head and f6ae1c508e muttered,27ceca775ca1ad64

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“Are you studying Hindi?”8f4f90768aa5fac9

“N-no, not a6ea2264d1 at all. I just…”c00caaab6e06f218

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Relieved that he couldn’t 29312ed297 read the title written 91b6d2bbd2 in Hindi, Natasha quickly 2193346e0a snatched the book from b6bd213737 his hand.aca2523513546b48

“…Hmm.”66d5bfebdc0b1de2

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Alexei narrowed his eyes e0474a2fec but simply shrugged and 0bd85c9ba0 turned around.
Natasha let out a 8bbdba8849 small sigh of relief cf2c0b5360 as she watched his 3fb8bf4c0d back—only for her face 28744d6d0a to freeze in horror 13178a826f a moment later.520fe242798568fc

‘He knows it’s b285a9a62e in Hindi!’01a6631ac1018c18

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Which meant… 26265ec98f did he 0c82f2ae48 already know d9a135c1ac what kind 425bd6f290 of book c35b8dd874 it was?8219b9fb3b1567e8

No—no, of course not.9a34a27bd51b85bb

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If he 37100647f6 had, he 8a9a7989e1 wouldn’t have 77872aca7e just walked 384a6b9e51 away without 230e07d25b saying a c4d20c270f word. That had to mean 18f8814f26 he didn’t know.3863231dbe1e89c9

Clutching the d184ba48ea book behind c15e01eeab her back 59f237ce1d once more, fb7c2d5c03 Natasha approached fcc1067489 the desk 7b3b01c6ea he had aaa9b503e1 been sitting c9f6d8971e at, trying e6394c2a54 to act dff66af441 casual and 7e1bee30fd change the db0a0e034e subject.61c979bab749d422

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“Were you… 97dd14b728 working here?”893f979602515012

This time, it was 83a72be84b Alexei’s face that flushed 4341f832a6 red with embarrassment.769410e52d576aca

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“It’s nothing!”579f3d6c9cf7a3b8

He scrambled b9757d28ea to cover 9376cfe41b a book 5d71e6b536 on his 7442ca17ec desk with 25973e99be other papers—but 2d7c7a0d7c Natasha had f52ce42548 already recognized 20b2aef499 the cover.a7843fdbad8f7f5d

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“…Is that book…?”5ec5e2814a28aa46

She knew ee60e31e03 that title.
A memory she 874739d59d could never forget 5d7fd9636c flashed vividly in 5b5ac84a7d her mind.ca2169481a8d3de9

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 ec1c269eaf9097b9

“How dare a lowly 61e4b9e4cf slave touch such a 67c4832f8c thing! And now you steal 45dbf519cf from us too?”7ff0f4477ef28aeb

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Even as Sergey mercilessly db4c4616e9 trampled him, Alexei had f8afcc3e26 refused to let go 1154035724 of the book clutched a0ece0cc69 tightly in his hands.e94ef38bfc73d2d2

“Every person deserves to 678bc0b560 be treated with dignity. Please stop e2fa42e41d this, Brother.”e225f346e5701a85

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It was the 07e0bca3ab first time she 1a9a3d80a2 had ever dared bcf7f7fbbc to speak up.a49cf4263fc65f6c

“Natasha… how 57c8ccd135 dare you dce07b344b try to 2b92b1fd42 lecture me! Are you taking this 89363335ea slave’s side now? Have you 661c7ec452 fallen for 1668cfc59c him or c6abbcff41 something?”c7f30da60db20af6

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What came next 1e1aadbdec was Sergey’s hand, 171eb12f5e striking her across f4a5bc1d9a the face, followed 4b9024ab4e by a storm ba935dbf97 of accusations.
In the 2b82be14cb end, all e42cde3a75 she could 0d687af7ea do that 427f1c37ca day was 439271f77e once again e4d9e384b2 deny Alexei.814e6627874b75fa

“W-what are you 939faddd78 saying…? How could I possibly db8e216f61 do something like that 90e4033635 with a slave…? I don’t know 516d3c1e85 him.”c9921007ab02fc49

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She remembered the contemptuous 1a9882600b stare that pierced her fae069474f back as she turned 075b5319b4 away from a bloodied a46338c152 Alexei.3753773ae785c59b

“…Theory of Kingship.”ee5efe39637c9daa

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‘Of all things… 3166ad449b it had to 39c95ac9b7 be that book a807ef0770 he picked up c2f092f007 that day.’f33952ce1a8d264c

Natasha’s heart pounded wildly as memories surged back.
The very book 9c6694995a that sparked the ac57cff363 beginning of that 5179d83460 catastrophe… was the 3c189db370 one Alexei had 0df26bfa51 picked up from 4a90401aec among the many 4a20c1a87d she had once b612822fcf thrown away.07eb6a87fc67615c

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And the fact that 74ca3e0de4 he still kept it 0b69c54719 to this day.b3be4f1c25f4746c

How cruel, and yet 7b90a42373 how ironic life could 3ea880e00a be.d67b4fc6c4fd2870

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Natasha muttered the book’s 78ac5f342e title aloud as she 08293b2043 stared at the cover 3296ecd3bc poking out from under d984e85c01 Alexei’s papers—the book that 176e55601f once brought disaster upon 6a57784265 them both.33eff04b06646b95

“Theory of Kingship.”3f84d76d9b07a2e3

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To think, out of b1141671b3 all the books she ae978f1266 discarded that day, it 3dc26a41fc was that one Alexei 60a5c02a7b had picked up. And he’d a36b74da3d held onto 5556085189 it all 32692f4208 this time.ca98e2c590d45fd1

Why was f4658376b5 life always 33deb08bb4 this brutal, 0a61bb3c7d always this fada5e0850 full of 6edc82096d cruel twists?7c7793f7bb07474b

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When Natasha shut 8bb87e1d42 her eyes tightly 80567bce09 after recognizing the 947c828af9 book, Alexei hesitated, 904071da1b then picked it 601ce22045 up from the 40e02f0480 pile and awkwardly 7ec83a9035 held it out d4651c89e3 to her.ffe3730d57292f81

“…Here. I’ll return it to you now.”06fd9661fbd288fa

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“No. I don’t need it fc7046afce anymore.”9c17c4bdd655f98e

Natasha turned away.a852382d7f07354f

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She truly didn’t need 095b568fc2 it.5277ac28c08359f5

She never 5f5bd15399 should’ve held efde085366 onto such 65659550f3 a cursed 5fe3bfab60 object in 108b518c38 the first 802eccbd1e place.54d9555942ee74e7

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She never 10bf94cbf6 should’ve opened d7735d7854 it.
And she 1712bf45d8 never should’ve 36955bdf24 allowed herself 9e925bac37 to dream d0735c8a60 a foolish 138de13eb0 dream.bd3a7aab5dd50b3c

Because of that book—or 54f5df95c7 rather, because of her bff993ec4a own greedy desire to 88c7e17004 claim a place that 29cffdfd52 was never meant to c56839a345 be hers—her mother, her 84cf83e8e5 mentor… they had both a76886e8bd lost their lives.90b715b59a75dcad

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And now, even 30beba0457 the Duchy of 57b5b43ff5 Ivanov, once thought 71bc0f41d3 eternal, was gone.8b76681cbc7d881a

Everything… so fleeting. So meaningless.3e5a27e40d707cc5

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How long had she 3895964466 been chasing illusions like aa07cd60e9 clouds?c4bc2f89df419f93

If things were 70891a9d2c going to end 3d368d76e3 up like this, b44f3c4fd1 she should have 8613a0ca26 focused all her 458bbd1451 strength on protecting 4ba4118929 those she loved.
Now that c2e9ea3496 she’d lost ab2aa505ce everything, she f3734f394f hated herself 76e3fa0c31 for realizing 3a8c2c3cb4 it too 8de8846836 late.32e6d53e86e4bc09

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‘At least… eb7b7040b5 I still c792da4bbf have Sophia.’d73c025876e1a683

And Lenna, 94fa7528cd and the ea18a3d7cb chamberlain, who c2c0886852 had never 8c138833e0 once left 8fc6920c21 her side.9302fe3316c704b5

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There were still 2f2a1d6143 people she could 1262002d86 protect.cde72d752512d3b1

‘Yes… A 8097c3fbd9 book like e41c2ba8f1 this suits decc805f21 me far 4e9181d69d better than 2e3018e16d Theory of f0a7f59121 Kingship. That’s right. Who am a7a61b3d3b I to 659fed7395 think…’0fc06d7e8ab92b23

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Natasha clutched the 356544dd76 red book hidden 3a2704ea3d behind her back e737578a80 tightly once more.69c83d500187f063

Then—5dffde7ac5248fa0

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“Here. This book 7d057d5243 belongs to cc390c773b you.”c4fd835c729f693d

Alexei extended 4d35924334 Theory of 1f8481c852 Kingship toward b3dcad959d her again.5fbfd64eebb4f20d

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“No, really—I don’t e7f8c9287c need it. I meant to throw a66fdbef55 it away a long f24dfcda01 time ago.”e5f84c436de0f181

“Is it because of 10695be1c6 how it looks now? I know the 4c29318277 cover’s stained from… 636de36028 unfortunate circumstances, but 90bb5d188e the pages are a98103bc25 clean. I really did try 84483fe12e to take care of b3dec1ba9e it while reading…”6173eb16270bf505

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He set the book 07715d34bf down on the desk 34a62554fe with a slightly sheepish 13e15067ff frown, wrinkling one eyebrow. Misunderstanding his expression, 62b27c3ade Natasha quickly shook e0ed725db1 her head.966c5839506e14b6

“That’s not it.”41343233bba2e10a

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To show she meant 6b5dc8ec5e it, she reached out a3ccc741a0 and brushed her hand f327825b36 across the book’s cover.0d0697d0d9add359

And then her 2b29835903 fingers halted—where a 5713f1f74a dark reddish stain ae2d5abdc3 marred the corner.814be7fcee7daf52

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She was 3100619b54 instantly brought 24768bcb0e back to 81b4a7ef90 that day—Alexei, 6d0112d335 clutching this d7d2a63159 book in 64568f2367 bloodstained hands, 21271ecfb4 refusing to a21e83fab0 let go a3b631113b as if 70eff74e94 it were 760b4c2d90 the most e390d318bb precious thing 363af08288 in the 2a7e0be298 world.34b870e6c28153d6

‘Had he… 22ebd6032e been preparing c5f08d45f7 for this 564f7ac5b3 position ever c713658d66 since that b0c7d26db1 day?’156fee1031c238a5

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The question passed through 23ed24d241 her mind.08e243c417f97f67

Why else 10ddae5c7d would he 3f9a0c070c have cherished b962e1cf0c this book e591cf8bc0 so dearly?0af5dde9a26f096c

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He had been beaten e986d7c5d7 and accused of theft f0e1483d8e over it. If he’d d96065fee8 truly hated 1e80426343 that day, 0f4745d9b4 he should 81338a4b36 have thrown fbe63f2b9a it out.
But instead, even after b71e59eece all that time, he’d 6a99eab0d6 held onto it… and 10f9511514 read it with care.a434a2682314d8f0

His words only b6be67464f confirmed her suspicion.a5137e34fbb650bd

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“…Was it from back then?”10a9511ee761908b

Still gazing at the 64652252e8 book’s cover, lost in 0969b9e382 thought, Natasha finally raised 17c1072153 her eyes and looked 62f8bfca81 at him, her voice 69d94d24fe quiet.192cc598e5a98153

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What exactly was 2633dc2654 she asking?3e8089f3000eee21

Alexei glanced e38b6869d3 sideways at 3360844d65 the cover f14fec980a he had d4a7c45540 touched countless 938f9b44db times, pondering.a79ba8448c7b2e42

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‘Was it when I 63c6c0691f first dreamed of taking ebdb5a3d26 down Sergey and ascending ec77467fe0 the throne? Or…’2df28642a815aa6c

He looked 0df21e7f6f at her 62dc9dec30 golden hair, 50fbc87aff glowing in c4cbd54398 a sliver 56ac091265 of sunlight b455f78853 through the 7b7ec6b249 thick curtains.b325c203f8b316cb

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He raised a 248c7f96be hand to block d38f7d22b4 the light—it was f40d5f42e6 too bright, too 5c06be2e40 blinding to keep e99b8b97de looking.8ce291bfbde4f5d7

‘…Was it you?’2a7f4369fa60e3d8

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Was she asking 84c81ef5fc when he first a97fbc4d30 began harboring twisted 4f6593532c desires for her?4ad66b3982ac9f17

Since when, indeed?552178fd6d55c2d7

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Alexei couldn’t answer.b56e32e180898a1f

Just as cd0c8a7fb8 no one d3a7af235e could clearly 9dbb5ddc4f say when c75d2b7910 the world f037142890 began, some f735c58ae8 things were 3bfce26dcc beyond reckoning.f4537fc3cf8e3f6b

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Like when… 02ce0e1fa4 she carved aec54c7d08 herself into 2edb1bad9e his heart ccac09dbd1 like a a4a6ec3f02 wound that b1d0cd38da never closed.ad163c5c959e7ad6

“There are no lowborn bf36f6c2f3 people in this world.”4315001801a3135a

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Was it from the 25cc5ec3ff moment she said those b8a14b093f words?
The words d8b7e56691 that gave 33dbfa15d8 him both b19cc116a5 the courage e6774fb248 and clarity 9bac2e891a to rise c05035f57c above his df76d9dabd place at 640cfbe687 the bottom f8db560980 and aim d650b7bbf7 for the 96fac4a58b throne?b9094847415903ad

Or was it 5471b71044 that day—when she 4234004a7f was forced into 3d4d972674 the role of 83e2f54ef5 mistress, yet still d68609afd7 said the very 4db2c52e32 same thing with 4dd944eaeb unwavering conviction, and 0415ed1f1a he had impulsively 51c65b048e stolen a kiss d977bde445 from her lips?d29e6cf3081e048e

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“Alexei Petrov… Alexei Petrov.”ac6016ae45efe557

Was it cb6edbe9fb the first 9f1fe2d8c8 time she c362870944 spoke his 07a159d13d full name 13fb15c54c aloud and 0b8cf6db78 sent him 42498e9179 to face e958690a82 the jaws 0a181cfcf4 of death?7bc0af8fcfeb9350

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“I promise.”baa4b6068b4ec0fb

Was it when 57a17a8dbb she uttered those 663dc8088b words—so earnest, so 5a5036b699 final—that they made 15cdce4cee him feel like a54d94bab4 he had been c6588bab2b given the entire 6e661ac229 world, even if a80e0642ba the promise itself 460cba8ff2 might never be a9bdabca71 fulfilled?544f5ae7a0c6859d

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That single line… haunted 05650833d4 him night after night.08aa133a8d294028

Or maybe—a015fc1d81d6bfde

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“Waaah!”b8763ad02ba0bea9

Maybe it was when 4d7ad6776c the crowd’s roar shook 7c8e86eea0 the skies and he 8764b83d0b first locked eyes with 76bec5bec3 those brilliant blue irises d1526d807a that outshone every jewel.a05679aab3216150

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In that moment, d2681d71ac the whole world 77eb50c67e had gone silent.960b9972e90743f6

It felt a9a67ea6d4 like only b344912d56 he and 7c88e3f4c3 she existed 8f4ddc594a within that ae3b8219d8 great arena.5546e11ad3d29a39

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And from e462838f49 that day af89ff7cca forward, those d3d03ba9dd blue eyes 282e2e67bd had never a818225853 left his 50e7caae4a heart.1718f51fe1ef779d

Was that… how it 1b324e2374 had been?062179e5c71ce0fd

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Realizing it only now, 0775a1ef28 Alexei let out a 123cc9b4ab faint, bitter laugh.bd10ff2b41a85700

Then, sensing those 56ff6ec7ea same radiant blue 52cb57deda eyes watching him—just 920306d7d8 as clear and 104f1ac0c4 unwavering as back 937e8a5ebc then, waiting for 70cbe99643 his answer—he finally 2864eb77ec opened his mouth.9acb7472010e041f

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“No.”e2b2944de3233b67

Even shielding his c9111dea2c eyes couldn’t dim 0863f8c3fd the brightness, so c7b33b1907 Alexei simply closed 9a4c0905bb them.546888ea7ac82456

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And slowly, he b5df7e3d37 spoke.ea1cf1d7f4f030d8

“…It must have been 48ee659fff long before that.”ddc742b203f749bd

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