LM Chapter 15

Because you’re an Omega. You can’t because you’re an Omega. You should be careful because you’re an Omega. Because I was born an Omega, I heard countless warnings throughout my life. Be careful of Alphas. Always be wary of Alphas. It was partly due to Omegas’ vulnerability to Alpha pheromones, but most of the people giving advice were mostly worried about one thing. Marking.180628bfbf52ca6c

Some say 89a2b4d13a marking is 8e4cda6fa6 romantic because b547401df7 it proves 81569cc91f lifelong love 2e25c629dd between two 3a971dd0cf people, but c25e425654 such fairy 70f8e6e229 tales rarely 1c804b974a happen in 57307f9f1c reality. Marking is just a 22c28b8031 slave leash that makes c4b7116a0d one subordinate to an 1c274c246f Alpha. A sex 47933c4d5b leash at 1949376257 that.b32fa4a2cd327eda

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That’s why Omegas can live their entire lives in agony from just one mistake. Fortunately, these days, Omegas are informed about the dangers of marking, so they’re more cautious. Even Alphas can now be legally punished for unwanted marking.f2f5d331e44fa934

However, marking is still a frequent problem in society.. Whenever I saw such news, though I never watched them feeling it had nothing to do with me, I never imagined it would have everything to do with me, that I would be marked. Even after voicing the question, I still couldn’t believe it. So, I held onto a sliver of hope. Hope that he would say no.d5a9d68426a34333

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But now those 513ebfcd6a firm, dark eyes 2c27d735f6 just stared at 7692f59a4d me intently. The ice cream hadn’t fc836522d4 even entered my mouth, 761456e522 but a chill spread 0d43fce497 inside me like it 534ce9e68e was taking over. Maybe it was d138c3c40c because the gaze 86840ce745 watching me was 10a12bd6a9 filled with emotions f0bbb3b292 that were too bdc5b4c163 overwhelming. One of them 51b45344e7 was satisfaction.fb99accde7596d5e

“Minha-ya.”9ad7e47199d77649

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He reached out to me. I flinched but couldn’t avoid his hand. The grip on my shoulder felt like it was binding my entire body. He smiled while thoroughly examining my reaction with his eyes.d3c14dd0524b5c95

“Are you scared?”2b4a7f4bfecb805c

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It was a simple question, but it felt like there was a huge monster in front of me. Like diving deep underwater with water pressing in from all directions, it was suffocating. That’s why I couldn’t open my mouth. However, I did find it more burdensome how he seemed to see right through me.b6337c391d16da78

I barely managed to resist the urge to avoid his eyes because I didn’t want to admit I was scared. Then suddenly I wondered. If I had been asked that very question eight years ago, would I have been scared? When my heart fluttered just looking at him and I was happy all day from just one text message.784e14a15590dba7

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Probably not.52bd760541c92ac4

Even if Kim Cheolsoo had acted scary and made me shake in my boots, I would have liked it, like an idiot. On the other hand, I could fully understand that idiot’s feelings. It felt like that trembling was spreading through my heart again. I hadn’t been fully aware, but I must have liked him quite a lot 8 years ago. This realization pushed away the fear and made my head turn a mess.4f8c8f47cd2e62e3

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“What difference does it make if I say I’m scared?”a3dba4fb744bb146

He looked at me 438aea6fff quietly before saying one 0e20b97dcc word.1f6da315e29d4f81

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“None.”6aa85dbe3f4a6fce

“Then why ask?”549d416ee7f1206f

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“To comfort you.”9a3080029086f0cb

Ha, I had c029661fb6 to force my cc1f5e1e0c face to stay 87d42514cc straight to keep 47c9a9bbe7 from laughing. If there were dd5c1e81db a world championship 6b59b679a7 for comforting people, b9369962d3 he would probably c92824d1b2 come in last 68eb5093ed place. Moreover, the person 250da6e08e trying to comfort 8fd426e26e me was still cec61b90e5 gripping my shoulder 20de265888 tightly. That’s what 57c26d4395 scared me a89c71c4f8 more. I pushed 4f2d61a67a his hand 1fb53ea368 away firmly.560d2f7b6c412598

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“Let go before saying things like that.”a636e87e17789d84

But the arm I 56899f5814 tried to push him e606861d90 away with was caught 5116d46244 by his other hand ce32434e28 instead. It would have 914d88863d been nice if e22362f1fc he explained why 003d143672 he kept grabbing 21e75ad8ac me like this, 8486e1ed22 but he kept 85b26a441b silent. Then again, in the fc4e4e6903 past, I had to a2b4945134 say dozens of things bdabff03e1 just to get one 03e00fd99f or two word responses c4a79f9fe6 from him, so perhaps 090ca50b4c now he was actually 4d6b60f564 speaking more than usual.050d93f9877f4d2d

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In this aspect, not much had changed from the past. If someone saw this expressionless face, they might misunderstand that he was treating me badly. The problem was that it didn’t look that way to my eyes. Even though I knew I should be angry, my voice and expression couldn’t catch up with my thoughts. And this was an important topic too.b6db17866d738a7c

“So… does this mean you marked me?”6503432ebe18fe6c

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“Yeah.”09dcf8337279a71a

He answered briefly. His gaze, persistently fixed on my face, made it impossible for me to meet his eyes. Honestly, it was shocking. For the past eight years, I had blindly believed the doctor’s diagnosis that Grandpa had told me about like an idiot.b27e20a337cd0a3d

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‘You were a non-awakened Omega. That’s already a rare case, but you took suppressants and were exposed to dominant Alpha pheromones too. Multiple Alpha’s pheromones at that. But since your situation was already unusual from the start, it’s nothing strange that your body is different from others. Well, if you still want to find the cause and get tested, I won’t stop you. You becoming a guinea pig and shedding light on the rare constitution of Omegas would be a source of pride for our family…’9275a282cbca9e0c

I never mentioned my problem again to stop my grandfather’s nonsense. As a result, I believed that my lack of reaction to all Alpha pheromones despite being sensitive to them was simply because I was special. Logically, there was only one reason that should have come to mind first. Marking. Because when you’re marked, you only respond to a specific Alpha’s pheromones, damn it.e1ec1cf4c98145e3

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“What exactly happened between you and me that night, hyung?”80da3bfb219d81c7

The time 3fb132fc14 I collapsed a9841a7c52 and lost 3025d15e3e my memory b05738b77b wasn’t long, 996cb16fd0 just a 21dc5845c2 few days. But how did 739ec4c3c4 so much happen acc9cd3e38 during that short 5f7520fae6 period? It felt like the 3e3b4044f0 most important events of f8fe207fea my life were squeezed e26631bf21 into those few days. At this point, 68e567f7a3 even if someone 79f8c921e1 told me human 2b5b448245 civilization had reset 7252005fa5 during those days, 82e7719659 I’d believe it.45c6d31d2e5dbc97

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“Don’t you remember anything from when you collapsed at the art hall?”f556e938d7bb2211

“Well, a little. Just vaguely, something between us two…”699b86368c71c8ad

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I was c11d1aa9a6 too embarrassed 14db576b42 to say 944ba1ba7f we had 69a518184f ‘slept’ together. Instead, I b0a2dbc886 paused and 421d98ae45 chose more 4516a15402 appropriate words.6f6475490b8e6d95

“I can recall enough to guess there was some physical activity due to pheromone influence.”970fc18836e67df9

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“Want me to help you remember more?”ef72a66f6f1c2f54

“No, thanks.”dbcbf168934a52c2

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I tried to 032e2e23cb pull my upper 201db26336 body back immediately 70b1c09eff while denying it, ce62cf3b8b but his hand ce7a7d9a34 still holding me 2685d4eba4 prevented it.872bbdb311fc14c0

“Let’s talk after you let go.”ca13f2605268a5e1

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“You need to remember more.”470dce4419d45978

“No, not right now…”67e987f4543197ee

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“We were so crazy for each other that night.”bccb98c2bf5d3fe1

His voice, 3266103646 seeping through 7d522fabde clenched teeth, 85747d62f9 was chillingly ea0d45ad3e cold. On the other 74426cab50 hand, his eyes a8c37792d3 burned like flames 5e11727bd2 that had suddenly 5f487d15a3 ignited. Although the room f797133523 wasn’t brightly lit, b7377ffcf3 the indirect lighting 95d8f448b0 illuminated only his 7ce7894eeb face as if a139d0459b everything else around d676bb3dad him had been 7c943daae1 swallowed by darkness. His lowered voice whispered 713c625cfa softly, yet it pierced b32b19149f my ears clearly.5455db5767bfef55

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“How deeply I buried myself inside you, and kept moving without rest.”de36ec23a06c648d

His gaze 5da9e20b17 glimmered with 000979ac67 an intensity 5aa3d7534a that was ff91bf83fe almost frightening.36c87683d1ea0efe

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“Do you even know how much you clung to me? You kept calling my name endlessly while sobbing.”f9d73cf7cd60c833

There was a hint 70cef4859c of anger in his 11c00a88e2 voice, but strangely, it 7e4058f458 all sounded like disappointment a768345387 to me. And because of that, b13eb2bc60 I didn’t even notice 011d945e31 how my face heated 3f81cf661d up at his embarrassing 7a6f800ae2 words.e8e6ec6c5f365565

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I had 9aa1a08a26 never regretted 19d58bfb97 losing my 7120c77534 memories of 837a7140cc the past 8644497227 8 years, 606dfb2d72 but now 13f12a10c5 it felt 8c4b4c2a6d like the 112afb7d16 price for 723045599c those peaceful d82b033e4c 8 years ba35958a92 was all 450368fb2f coming due 15618dc3df at once. After a a112307c24 long silence, 025b0f25d6 I finally 689c46a6a4 opened my ae86737373 mouth.ef940c0b70bca5b1

“I’m sorry I can’t remember, hyung.”0922058e494d1538

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The apology came naturally even though I knew it wasn’t my fault. Fortunately, the hand gripping my shoulder tightened then loosened. Instead, his jaw clenched as if suppressing his feelings.3b550d730a3bb064

“Nothing to be sorry about. I don’t care.”dc6bafe564954fe7

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“Are you okay with me not remembering?”b353adc9b901771b

“Yeah.”f6e5ed5edaebcbcd

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His decisive a4d630b285 answer was ed02abd650 somewhat unexpected. He clearly seemed 5eabf31e7e disappointed earlier. While I was e7da0dbaba gauging the truth c570c11578 of his answer, 5f5ba2f3cd he asked expressionlessly.105c2a1726c5c4cd

“Do you want to hear everything?”24071ce923ec2e63

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Since I 27ce9b7fc9 couldn’t remember, 6422694699 it would 2be0575f5c make sense 1f128c7405 to hear 8a3c8c8678 it all, 2fed740e7c but I 10ad726856 couldn’t just 497511a38c nod.313abfb735e06b7d

“Maybe later. I’ll try to remember more on my own.”b8aa00a1b4e83deb

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But there was 17d27144a4 one thing I cc47157ce3 had to hear.e04de05f91e3b0a4

“Did I consent to the marking?”cd2c6871d044299b

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Sorry for 0dae14131e doubting you, 6609962cd9 but the 0a52e84d6e sex education 90f1b6f46d I was 45a3f6588e taught my 92de6b5936 whole life 2b30c54a42 as an a56ff6ff15 Omega played 393abbf3ee a big c3d2f5e1cc role. I had it ddf5391877 drilled into my 02c70ca138 head that marking b000cb9ef8 must be decided 38966fa0de while in a b970315f40 rational state and f165d765cd that you should e8a664b27e inform those around 535d3ca9e3 you beforehand.2633e9cfcde595d6

So I wanted to 4733428338 confirm this first. But one corner of 498aa55459 his lips twisted upward. It was clearly a 6b04b9e998 smile but felt similar 853d081402 to his anger from 1419189f12 earlier.99b3c37ec5629d08

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Ah, fuck. I must have agreed 022fde29a5 1000%.However, his c16b2d3bee answer was 4a0ebf531f a bit 4d8395db4f different from 29d16d996e what I c4d5a290f3 expected.6819c0adb3b26245

“Remember that yourself too.”81f40e932e94a9c2

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I was puzzled 21d9da2132 by his cold ccdcd8e710 voice.ef428e3f30619f18

“Why? This is a simple question, isn’t it?”3be6306b2255d4ba

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“Your grandfather thought differently. He believed I could lie to you while your memories hadn’t returned. He was very angry.”1b229c0d61907e65

“You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”51449a53724a3f53

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“I might. To keep you by my side.”7e79ba80cf74a485

Nonsense.6b7970bdaac5ef7c

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“You’re not that kind of person.”abdbb2df8fc5818a

“What if I am?”f72b53bf7bbfb5e8

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“…”0ec06817b38f7bdd

“You just reached out your hand without meaning anything, but I could have misunderstood that and selfishly marked you.”d3b1eb8abeaad244

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I unconsciously gulped. He watched my wavering 16d19c3523 reaction with a cruel 74ef7b2b41 smile. At this point, I 37be6c1004 couldn’t bring myself to 37ff5882a8 say something like, ‘You’re db3988bc56 not the type to ec6890df96 lie.’ When I lost 2105f5c546 my words, he suggested 2e676d9b25 something.dcad693c891a9806

“Remember it yourself.”1bf5029a38a590a4

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Right, I 6bae583671 should remember fe4d5427db this too.And then bda6d93a84 I realized.Ah, this 6345a595c6 is what ff0b24998a Grandpa was 285116a2d7 worried about.I think I a564ad03e1 vaguely understood why 3106aa52b4 he tried so d2e193c4f1 hard to keep b9364d6057 him away from 0762bc554f me.4f98a6612e084ba5

While part of it might have been not fully trusting him because he was an Alpha, he probably didn’t trust my choice as an Omega either. Even if I had permitted the marking, it could have been an impulsive decision due to the pheromones. So he must have wanted to confirm it properly when my memories returned. That’s why he stopped him from approaching me until I recovered my memories.a71f7315307562bc

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“It’s not like Grandpa hated you. Just look at how he limited it to just 10 years.”8e11b30cd54104e4

He slightly frowned as 98acd315b0 if disagreeing.855f8612437f525d

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“Not just, but a whole 10 years.”fad679845114dc7a

“At least it wasn’t 50 years. Otherwise, we’d both be wearing dentures when we met.”ae278a07fb6c885e

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“Brushing your teeth well will prevent that.”a1aca6ad00210be8

Is this c13acf3321 really the 21f01bdc5a time to 25f40ffdbb say that?I was speechless. Still, his reaction seemed c11359b250 to loosen the stiffness 9025fc60ba in my body a f54282cd04 little.6313f3c4d08adcfa

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“That was a figure of speech.”e3ce4bcf9aba3767

After scolding a1e041b45f him, I 4ca4987cc9 belatedly requested.ad62cc21b5a50bab

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“I won’t run away because I’m scared, so let go, hyung.”0a40f3576cea3058

He remained silent, his 0a670937aa expression unchanged, but to 1b2b61d07a me, he seemed hesitant. As if struggling 1fc9ea1fbf within himself, his 9b922953b7 eyes wavered slightly. It was honestly hard 04ec49e6bf to adjust to the 23abd010fa fact that he was 7f1202fca6 showing this kind of 294da28d27 reaction after such a 48e62046a8 long time apart.a4679f1eedd0da75

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Just when I was wondering if I should push him away first, thankfully his hand came down from my shoulder. But instead of letting go, it traced down my arm and stopped at my hand. He didn’t exactly hold it though. He just placed his hand over mine and slowly rubbed my hand with his thumb. When I instinctively tried to pull my hand away, he asked.32bab726dac4ecb0

“Don’t you want to remember?”e83e20f504682a6c

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“Will this make me remember?”9977cd204d15313e

“You might remember if you smell my pheromones.”592c646a642a03c3

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…I’ll pass on that.The unfamiliar stimulation felt 259bc08671 strange and repulsive. Of course, 9594f5ed80 this kind 710f37a7c4 of skinship 59de760f00 also felt cd9c4f1f39 awkward and 5bcd08ca38 ticklish. A mix of panic 1fd641b63b and an odd heat 9781003efc spread through me.964ac2db3a45db20

If just holding 24724b8563 hands feels like 8824851f03 this, we must 6d42151269 have spent quite 0138239219 an embarrassing night, b424d938c1 huh? Since I had never experienced the influence of pheromones in my whole life –that I remember–, it felt even more unreal. That’s why I felt pathetic for freezing up at this small touch. Trying to appear unaffected, I bluntly asked.f0105cad35d2c1c2

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“I remember everything except that last night. But in my memories, you didn’t seem to like me.”14473ba2306f4516

Well, I did suspect you might have had some interest in me. When someone so cold treats you nicely in subtle ways, wouldn’t anyone get their hopes up? That’s why I naively tried to hold your hand at the beach…Remembering that da69e77e00 made my a2438bfb0c mood sink. Then came 2cd5e68667 his slow 5e3a3c96f2 reply.2c01c74d43936b8e

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“I did like you.”e878000b798250b1

Right, so c4bc9ec2f6 you said.I still remember what 33b1e72acd he said at the c3d1640676 art hall.3912f95c0f82bb3b

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‘My feelings haven’t changed. They’ve never decreased even once in 8 years.’82099c874d82ba8a

That was quite shocking. When exactly did he start liking me? Honestly, I couldn’t believe it.308e25c6ca4191ca

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“Did you perhaps develop feelings after that, um, crazy, ahem, that last day?”5b7cf16ce3ab2643

“I already answered. I said they never decreased.”be8f568cd02c3b7a

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“That’s why I’m curious about when it started.”9586904a3b49fdeb

“From the beginning.”a0c397fd7b9e42cb

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Everything I 9b1d7dbf95 learned today b5dd0fe1b1 was shocking, 1e89640d90 but nothing e739f69f4e compared to 9e05dc63e6 this one ba4bc12ce1 phrase. Did shock and disbelief ffe1b9d561 show on my face? He confessed calmly,b81e3401dfcb5d9f

“From the moment I first saw you.”fec4c8218ce8cbe1

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If someone asked me when I started liking Kim Cheolsoo, I couldn’t give an exact answer. Because I don’t know it either. I think my feelings for him probably grew slowly like clothes getting wet in a drizzle, and at some point my heart started fluttering when I saw him.3139b60461f9af2b

Moreover, Kim Cheolsoo back then was definitely not someone you’d fall for at first sight. He only said what was necessary, and if anyone bothered him beyond that, he would throw that cold gaze of his.8407ad70741d05c2

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It was probably a few weeks after I started my part-time job. At the convenience store, we kept boxes separately to give to an old man who collected waste paper, but something must have happened to him as he hadn’t come for a while. So when the boxes piled up until there was nowhere to put them, I asked him when he came at midnight.f2d5e820026776ed

‘What should we do with the boxes? Is there somewhere to store them?’0dd8f44f1e0cca8e

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His look a2cbbcdf00 then was e69b15a045 exactly like 57e33f22de saying, ‘why 56ad556991 are you 902814180e talking to 7cefd8679d me?’ Although 5ff6aab392 I had 3e9eac8138 gotten used 58d2545e65 to his d0c7306246 cold responses 6e346a40cf over those 890dcf4cc7 weeks, I 37a7710af3 unconsciously flinched. He had an 02a5188b45 excellent talent for d95b4cae73 making others feel d51c6c62cc like the most 4a0154393c useless person in 177056d0bb the world just e398164cd1 with his gaze.a76f89bb5294e659

He silently turned and moved to where the boxes were piled, then carried them to the back of the building. Was there a place to store boxes there? No. It was the recycling area. That’s when I realized. Ah, right. We can 3910b19be3 just recycle 4ea6f38cfe the boxes.I had forgotten eb284ac1d0 this because I be9237c032 always gave them f7168bf178 to the old 2775354f49 man even though 2be0e8fd93 it was basic 6cc1387aa8 common sense.674d358349c271ae

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Feeling embarrassed, I followed 6b60648c73 him and rambled on b6c762fdeb with excuses, saying I 0a9f537a50 thought we had to d9b78f7c6b save them all for a250fc5069 the old man, what e2d514b55b if the old man 526d9ee14e feels hurt if we f25c27d88b recycled everything, and so 59f792968e on.e24fa30f31f7f1df

I think I 5cc6b9af84 just blurted out e59f4cf917 anything because I 5fdd434398 was embarrassed. When we f47af119c2 returned to 7f287b7647 the convenience d7c1364246 store, he 1f2df06f29 turned and 2f13d75558 looked at f8f09c21bb me with 1a4b75fd58 those cold 1895d6920c eyes of 59049bd213 his. And for the first f99894a98e time that day, he d17f2f860e opened his mouth.6f007e1642e1113a

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‘The cash register?’0b962fa3c57f65c5

That was also his 3047b2945e last words of the f7eeaec227 day. While heading 59616cc9c1 home after 0e24ce4f7d work, I 9cc8c89a74 had a 7f8c584ccd brief thought.Kim Cheolsoo might 4812f45a32 have lived alone f0ebcd5e38 his whole life. That’s how unimaginable it was that he liked someone. So when I heard his confession much later, I could only have one reaction.fadd08d24e04015d

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From the moment he d1fa41de23 first saw me?f54ead68d326e3df

Before my brain d0c9b06861 could process it, 21bb03daea my honest response a49b355549 slipped out.5191f86565d0d1ef

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“No way.”49466eb8e3bdc13c

Only after saying it 98451d98fc did I realize this 5261647b3a was possibly the worst 838d8921ca response to a confession, 6136bf6a32 but that was a f6b8b49774 problem for later. Those serious eyes, that 413de58e2c low voice, and the df6ad351bd way he looked at fad616ef16 me as if I b516264a1b were the only person 87c2be312b in the world—it was ac579c6431 all unbearably sweet and de6a1ebd05 overwhelming. But my disbelief was 6e96b36b4b stronger than all of 4db2f1ef75 it. As I c76e315c52 stared back d31ceaf36e at him 279a615423 defiantly, he 9a6f09ab64 silently gazed d07e123d23 down at 4ef61e48eb me and 770be0ee09 dropped one d7c3e35ca9 word.8c44ebd8a99e67c7

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“Really?”64baaad0e79f94e7

“Of course. Back then you treated me like I was an ant passing under your feet.”419bea41b01f69f3

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“Then you must have been the most precious ant in the world.”c61cecb89614b2bf

This is… this is cheating. When you say such sweet words with such a blunt voice, it makes me want to believe it’s real.I was at 33720f0768 a loss for 0b35ad5ae8 words and looked b92950bcf6 at him before 5ef1e854b9 turning away first. It felt like c32be043b9 my neck was 160eb674e2 getting hot.Why am I so 44bf8e7fc9 embarrassed?I tried to focus 5ebf5420d7 on my disbelief again 5da64c722b to push away these b477564676 feelings.b2bfd5d38dd44d02

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“I told you. I remember everything except the last day. But you seemed to treat me like an ant you didn’t step on because it was bothersome, not a precious one. Did you lose your memories too?”90eb6414d344f30b

“No.”294f1ecaec13bb04

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“Then you must be mistak…”72dfa61e2e9014b7

He didn’t stop my words, but I couldn’t just keep denying. There was certainty about his feelings in that firm gaze. When I closed my mouth, after a while he touched upon my uncomfortable truth.294091c1d604130c

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“Did I misunderstand it then?”5a6de3ddeed3c8c4

“Misunderstand what?”4f5ac79611eb2a93

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“That you liked me.”053adbb2ab5d2b4b

Ah, you 75204f7801 knew about 3709d3ea17 that? Well, given 41fbdc67b8 that we d9a4e01fde spent that 41e100fb7e wild night f6b1b204b0 together…I shook my head 23cd167875 while lowering my gaze dba34ff5b0 in embarrassment.4743fa21810af0f7

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“You didn’t.”ef036b3de6655974

Since it was about 623ee1b1c3 the past, it wasn’t c206e83b20 a difficult answer. But the next question 01c73e649b stopped me in my 6dc68a575d tracks.d9433e5a21e482e7

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“What about now?”ca710aa72dcf827c

“…”0f1497a64b6e6ea0

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Even though I hadn’t committed any crime, I couldn’t lift my eyes. The longer I kept my mouth shut, the more it felt like the oxygen was being depleted from this place. Just as I was about to make a belated excuse, I heard his words first.8a87c74351dc2294

“It’s fine.”e69eb6a8029e2d27

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He muttered expressionlessly af02967ba8 while letting go 8d7e99836e of my hand. Then he patted my becfe7d059 head once and suggested,217a3b63802e1ec8

“Get some rest now.”25f96062f4e2efef

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***43e267162bf921ad

Although today had felt long, the longest moment by far was the conversation with hyung. That brief time, not even 10 minutes, dominated my entire day. I don’t even know how I managed to leave that place. When I came to my senses, I was in my room, and the door had just closed behind me with a thud.612c4a547248eccc

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I stood in the darkness, unable to even turn on the lights, and squeezed my eyes shut. Jaeheon hyung’s voice had been completely devoid of emotion, so why was I so anxious that he might have been hurt? Maybe it was because of that final ‘it’s fine.’ It sounded like he was saying it to himself.9318616891a936d6

So I couldn’t think about turning on the lights and just slumped down on the bed. Then I started spilling out delayed excuses. Eight years had passed, after all. I had lost my memory in the middle. Besides, we weren’t even officially dating—we were just flirting, and then it ended… or at least that’s what I remember.78a2638337f9a1d8

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I shouldn’t feel guilty just because my feelings aren’t the same as back then. When I see him now, I get nervous and my heart flutters a bit, but that’s all. It’s probably just the influence of my memories of liking him before. So it’s not love.890e3c55a4aa8191

I made excuses 977160a5f7 to myself again.58075fe213f385a1

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He wasn’t in my life for 8 years. It can’t be helped. If anything, he’s the weird one for maintaining his feelings for 8 years based on a single memory. I did nothing wrong.7a35cc4b73ef09fe

No matter how many times I told myself this and understood it, the feeling of guilt wouldn’t easily fade. The fact that he had left an impression on me, and that I was forced to stay in an unfamiliar place for my safety, seemed almost trivial in comparison. I lay on the bed, staring blankly into the darkness, and asked myself.bd8825f786d8b8f3

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What should I do da032d9589 from now on?0b97c5ec2694d611

It felt uncomfortable to accept Jaeheon hyung’s feelings as they were. It seemed too burdensome to start casually dating given how strong his feelings appeared to be. Plus, I didn’t even remember everything that happened between us.bdb2f5028372cff1

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Well, maybe hyung isn’t trying to date me right away either. He said he was willing to wait 10 years, so maybe he could wait a bit longer. As I was thinking about this simplistically and considering actually going to sleep, my eyes suddenly flew open. I remembered something I’d forgotten. Ice cream!7baacd595eedfd08

I jumped up, opened the door, and ran to the living room. The ice cream I hadn’t even taken a bite of was still on the table. But I couldn’t run any further to save the ice cream. Jaeheon hyung was sitting on the sofa, staring at that ice cream.59dd8711980a344b

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He was so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice me coming, just staring at the melted ice cream. Although he was just sitting there expressionlessly without moving, I don’t know why that sight tugged at my heart again.683a6c9fd02a4826

“Hyung.”1ffcb6abe21cb7b6

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Flinch.His shoulders reacted 4445bc8911 and he turned 49dfe2ba19 his head. Since he just stared 34e4009d0d at me silently, I 7bbe360ccd spoke first.e15eb3696f6e8db8

“We need to put the ice cream in the freezer quickly, why are you just staring at it?”3e88b8932a7ec0f2

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Since he still showed no sign of moving, I quickly approached the table. Although it was half-melted, it wouldn’t kill anyone to refreeze and eat it. As I quickly reached out to save the ice cream, he stood up and stopped me.ee63d2e72277a27a

“Leave it.”f833c1fc0f577d16

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“I can’t leave it. It’s all melted. We should refreeze it, it’s a waste.”f6dfb8f21520ed9c

“I’ll buy you another one.”bf6f7c632dca1feb

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No, that’s not the issue…5b28fc957ad09df3

“Now I can buy it for you.”e6d8bad070e5d61d

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“…”9f51b25c74ebee96

“I’ll buy you hundreds every day if you want.”c403a12b70e19dbe

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“If I ate that much, I’d have a stomach ache for a hundred years.”7ae96e59e897cc70

I tried to 3bcee53897 respond casually, but 1b86f82e68 my voice cracked ea5893a9ff at the end. I thought it 100f3fc46f was silly to 22d1a753c4 make such a a48b0a54b9 big deal about 6521cd548f buying ice cream, 4d1bff99c4 but my heart 0e49b3a64e felt different. It felt like someone e567431488 had squeezed it tight 2761510def and let go again.3b716bbbda24a8e3

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“I’ll take responsibility for that.”a2eab686ed8eedb1

This time I 02ac2cf3a7 failed at pretending 7e94463a87 to be nonchalant. His emotionless 8d3c10cb6f voice and 691490a7df eyes filled cb6b48eab2 with suppressed a921665f47 feelings mercilessly bbb3476b7f struck down c2a5c36cde my attempt a6273a4bd9 to keep d7ed3ace90 things light.f7fd515c7ab8e7ae

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“…The country will take responsibility for my health since I diligently pay my health insurance.”a284b89899f0de2a

I muttered in response while avoiding his gaze. I clearly wasn’t myself today. The person before me looked like someone who wouldn’t bat an eye at any insult in the world, and his current expressionless face proved that.716db67b9ed3345b

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But I don’t know why I keep thinking he feels hurt. I wasn’t sure if this was my own delusion or some intuition that only worked with him. Still, I found myself speaking in a consoling way without realizing it.73a5f067dd72b180

“Still, buy me one again. I should have received one 8 years ago after all.”857810899abeff69

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“…”c649ad110cc57514

“If you really want to buy them, maybe get me two.”d43320247e4c037b

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“Were you disappointed?”3a3699fb9fa26dae

“About what?”58ccacb19490acab

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“That I didn’t buy it for you 8 years ago.”53397f1b86f34945

Oh, come on.I smiled and 1fcfffe63b waved my hand.89aea4cdbacaf3af

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“Why would I be disappointed about that? It’s nothing… really.”0e6315f9f1dc16f4

It’s a delusion. I’m misunderstanding it.I repeated 533ab8d5a8 it like 4cf2e5d14c a mantra 1296570901 in my 51c4f9bd12 head, but 907355c4d0 lost confidence edb8d9a582 while looking b4b8020345 at those ac31eb02d8 sunken black ba3f85c7c1 eyes watching a932f0fd8c me. I suddenly realized c3acffc5e1 how differently memories 25d2828a18 can weigh on 57592e60b4 people, like comparing c02e3ab72e a feather to 52f4f51d59 a massive piece 54d362b457 of iron.07fac15a73780217

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“I’ll try eating up to three.”f787eb63d238020d

“It’s fine.”87f20e4912f599fe

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No, this time it wasn’t fine. That emotionless ‘it’s fine’ felt like it had transformed from a feather into an iron beam, hitting me.ab469f3c6607c4ef

021b34568b8ba1cf

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