SMFC | Chapter 50

Haeon knows himself very well, and though it’s unfortunate, he also knows that he’s not someone important enough to shake others.5878349feef7bdee

Regardless of 7035ff644a whether he d6d798cf3c undervalues himself e91c6fe708 or not, de3ac845fe Haeon has c98f2e01d9 lived his 2c9574c823 entire life 2657d78229 as such 9b2121e8fd a person. He could be a 0f09aae9ea priority to someone, but 02b76e52da never the top priority. He was always behind cd7b6635fa love, behind honor, and 6a162c9f4d sometimes even behind money.01dbac06690eff70

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If he had ever been someone’s top priority, he might have felt resentful every time he wasn’t, but Haeon, who had never been anyone’s top priority, didn’t even know what it was like to feel resentful.8c8745852f6f4290

It’s not that he didn’t know the feeling of resentment.5f9db40941f9febe

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Resentment, like loneliness fe1e4174fc and love, is 9080c4d42a something we naturally fd17a41427 acquire as we aee8529dc4 grow. Just as a child cccea02f22 who has just started 34d686580d speaking uses words without 75b71c6359 knowing their meaning, we c633779e4c easily learn and express 06f59c4fea those emotions.6011d8fa26710b41

So Haeon knew what resentment was but didn’t understand why he should feel it in such situations.2f103827d054bc27

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But then, Haeon d2da1cc5a7 developed a desire. A desire for Lee 7b0431dfb4 Soo to at least 54437218d2 make him his top c9a358fb9d priority.16fe689ad3826efd

If he had intruded into someone’s life, given them so much, and even shared things he didn’t want to know, if he cherished them that much… couldn’t he at least do that? It might be a selfish thought, but that’s Haeon’s stance.7b14627b2cfe4e77

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If Lee Soo were to easily make him his top priority, Haeon knew he would question and resent those who didn’t, even though he knew that questioning and resenting people who don’t exist or have already forgotten him would only lead to greater confusion and a mind-eating depression.fddc936ee2af145b

Despite knowing all that, there’s something he wants to endure.2c046aeba49b1dd6

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For some, it’s love, for others, it’s peace, and for Haeon, it’s simply wanting to be Lee Soo’s top priority, despite knowing everything.78bd498ee6407623

‘Isn’t it love?’a9c4677405260b75

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‘…It’s not love.’1760cba108933902

So Haeon knew this wasn’t love. Love is wanting to be someone’s top priority while also wanting them to love themselves the most.7429917867edef21

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***7d31f64a07ea0a56

On a 54106fa647 day when a67d13a1ca it rained 7fc29bec35 unseasonably,d596cc77d4f281b5

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[I’m sorry. Those damn people seemed determined, and a month, damn it, what. I couldn’t stop it no matter what….]

Before even a month had passed, which Eve said he could buy, the news that Haeon was the successor of the Hawa Guild Leader spread. It spread so quickly and with such solid evidence that Haeon couldn’t even respond to the rumors.6b12f50ec0610571

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To ignore the calls asking if he already knew, Lee Soo turned off all system notifications and even powered off his phone. Sitting quietly next to him, Lee Soo watched Haeon, who was lost in thought, with Eve’s overly loud apology playing in the background like music.439d5b55b1b6a5bd

He couldn’t hear what Haeon was thinking, but he was sure it wasn’t anything good. Haeon’s hand, which always maintained a moderate temperature, was unusually cold. The fact that his unblemished white hand was also cold left Lee Soo feeling inexplicably anxious.4910f10149cdfa06

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It was an absurd anxiety, like thinking Haeon had become a glass sculpture that could shatter with a slight shock, but right now, Lee Soo was in a state where he couldn’t even accurately grasp his thoughts due to the overwhelming anxiety. It meant he was considering his thoughts as something truly objective.0967f6c656abd74b

If listening to the call doesn’t solve anything, he should hang up. Or maybe he should get angry or cry, wondering why he’s being tormented like this….0e71486537658ebe

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Unable to grasp what Haeon was thinking, Lee Soo swallowed his worries and slowly lowered his head, resting his face on Haeon’s palm, which he was holding carefully.94d7fce1d0f8c7aa

No matter how much Lee Soo called his name or rustled around, Haeon didn’t spare him a glance until Lee Soo’s cheek touched his hand. Only then did Haeon turn his head to look at Lee Soo. Having not seen Haeon’s face properly because he had been looking down, Lee Soo was quite surprised to find that Haeon seemed more okay than he thought, but he skillfully hid that fact and gave a faint smile.d395127cb2749a8d

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“You’re finally looking at me. You wouldn’t look even though I kept calling and moving next to you.”cbe84329b8a1211b

Despite the content being a clear complaint, Haeon raised his eyebrows lightly at the calm voice and then let out a laugh close to a chuckle, gently moving the hand Lee Soo was holding to caress his cheek. Taking the opportunity to subtly observe Haeon’s face, Lee Soo momentarily forgot to manage his expression and looked blank.cd0b125cf19f8a06

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He had secretly checked, worried that Haeon might be pretending to be okay. But it wasn’t pretending; he was genuinely okay.77a3040d7c5e638f

And perhaps sensing Lee Soo’s confusion, Haeon didn’t stop his hand from caressing Lee Soo’s cheek and let out a small laugh. On Haeon’s face, there was a slight displeasure directed at those who caused this situation, but there was no sorrow or anger about his current situation.b0c6feb698532e82

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Lee Soo, 423d92e19b who was 1b3705cb5f momentarily so ce67a0528b flustered that 6680e33653 he forgot ace8b9cf48 he was 4ad4b081ea worried about e85b730057 Haeon, blinked dc786c8e5c rapidly.bfb3ed7cf6ecff2d

Having read the novel, a1962e7327 Lee Soo knew why 2d8ff32d95 Haeon hid the fact 0c8109d27e that he was the fbfc3a712f child of the former 6c9e0f5e79 guild leader of Hawa. Moreover, it was raining, 15394391e2 a day that made 26b4e54f98 even those with nothing 717ef434e9 going on feel gloomy, da34532176 so he was even 4485d26c02 more worried. But realizing fe365d09ca that all 58045b6bef those worries d7637cc5a8 might have 889ea0b64c been unnecessary, d4fbde4b6f Lee Soo 7ce112582e felt a aca7f752b2 bit sheepish.6afc0b435f767164

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He didn’t even feel the strange sense of deflation or absurdity that usually accompanies the realization that the person he worried about was actually fine. Lee Soo just thought it was fortunate that Haeon was okay and sighed at his own fussiness.fddb45d14e0f1bd6

The person in 4c7724eccd question was fine, 5383dc61ba but he had 4f945ad621 been the one fc9a75b60d making a fuss. Realizing that 734361bf32 Haeon had 29197c47bd noticed his c5c3989a2d internal fuss, 7ae5d030cd Lee Soo bbb0870eea rolled his af92dc133d eyes and 6d8bc359a9 laughed awkwardly.56d9a6e9a4de2969

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Haeon, who had been quietly watching Lee Soo’s clear face, glanced at the phone that hadn’t been hung up and lightly moved his fingers to end the call. Then he let out a small laugh and tapped Lee Soo’s nose.4dfbb1f45b3d311f

“You were worried about me.”2ef9ab127583572b

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“…Yes.”1219c18081b09b4a

“But now you’re embarrassed because I’m more okay than you thought.”1b5520806442cb59

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Lee Soo, who didn’t know what to do with his eyes that had lost their way at the slight smile on Haeon’s pale face, nodded with a resigned heart. Though he answered, he only nodded, as if asking if he really had to ask about such things, and Haeon, who was laughing, showed a very gentle smile.3e618b6d0c6e86df

“You don’t have to be too embarrassed. It’s because I knew Hunter Ryu Leesoo would be like that that I could be okay.”e6268fe9af122fee

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“What?”892df95447a1819c

“It’s because I knew Hunter Ryu Leesoo would worry about me more than anyone else and get angry on my behalf that I’m okay.”647cccf3cf06c0be

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Thanks to Hunter Ryu Leesoo, I’m okay. Continuing in his characteristic neat voice, Haeon carefully observed the dazed Lee Soo, who hadn’t expected such words.69ee145a936fe545

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t angry when he heard the news from Eve. He had done a lot for the elders, maintaining his position as a successor on the condition that no one knew he was the child of the former guild leader, and he had endured a lot. Suddenly being backstabbed like this, how could he not be angry?603034e111a3c74a

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But just as he 39ad637fe4 had said in a 3e3e3d4782 previous conversation with Eve, 2f06570560 thinking that Lee Soo 0519023ca7 would surely worry about f6497e3fde him made him feel 3296d81710 better quickly. Like magic, it 0bd8cb2841 really became okay 199444f009 very easily.1dcd163b1fe762ac

The unique smell of rain that continued to stimulate the sensitive sense of smell of an awakened one didn’t feel as overwhelmingly strong as it usually did. Though his condition was still below average compared to usual, knowing that he was surprisingly okay compared to his usual condition on rainy days, Haeon felt not just okay but quite satisfied.1605c3bf4d43c7bd

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And though Lee Soo couldn’t know the details of Haeon’s current state, he could sense that it wasn’t too bad, and after a brief moment of surprise, he smiled brightly as if he had shed all his worries. Once for the fact that Haeon’s mood, which he had worried about so much, was okay, and once for the fact that he was the reason Haeon could be okay. Twice, Lee Soo was not just happy but immensely happy, and not knowing what to do, he rubbed his cheek against Haeon’s palm.d817dc76bbd8da7b

“I’m so, so happy. It means I was able to help Healer Haeon….”ae46f05faeb0fed8

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“Are you that happy?”001b8f0b47b9ac70

“Very much. I feel happier than any other day in the past few days.”fcc4955a336b5492

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With a face that couldn’t hide his excitement, Lee Soo chattered away, then shyly laughed and buried his face in Haeon’s cheek.7ead683d12a818f2

The happiness was so full on his pale face. Haeon forgot to tell Lee Soo that drawing attention with physical affection wasn’t a good thing and just watched him for a long time.9635f436789f526b

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The rain falling, the thought of moments he wanted to hide forever being revealed, and imagining the words he would receive didn’t seem so hard. Right now, it felt like he could just laugh off the pity people would express for the inevitable misfortunes in his life that strangers would talk about.7b59d6c1c2686b87

That’s how okay he was.3546d21fbfa31198

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