DMEC | Chapter 18

Alexander kept 1f1e65a8db his mouth 763328a37b shut tight 29618239e7 and stared 63e6075f36 intently into f1f7101557 Joel’s eyes. Regret, despair, 76dbf73671 longing—and beneath 7eb608f552 those emotions 67d196c43f lay another.c762c370d758fb2a

“Your Majesty, do you 7013e24706 love Queen Lute?”f23ce8b77961610a

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“What? Are you crazy? Didn’t you hear earlier?”8d7e438ad1786467

The Emperor let d8bca8db69 out a hollow 715fcdf268 laugh and sat 3cb40fabc0 on the bed, cf45152d06 looking directly at 6f9aca1d08 Alexander. He slowly a0480b006a crossed his 27272fb557 legs and 168af171f3 ordered a 5a042c0e71 maid to f24be9b3bc bring him 06dfa624ca a cigarette. Enjoying hand-rolled 25c3b7a97e cigarettes, he 320739d536 quickly rolled fb9c8afc6b one from f81610936d the perfectly b3155536d8 prepared tray, 6574a834eb placed it 5f6ac80997 in his 333b5193fd mouth, and 153a417834 lit it f79793d6ea with a bd9dfc8317 flame conjured bb8aee8dc8 from his 3d38dfb26a fingertips. Inhaling and exhaling the 42c9cc3682 smoke lightly, he spoke.f24074d031ca57e3

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“Could you 2a71014b1e love a f1e7e7a7b0 child you af9dac461c raised?”a9c87a4fa8236838

“But if we look 7f0751bfbb at Your Majesty’s actions 2025909596 now, this is…!”c05857ccb36d1f00

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Alexander tried to f442da5bd1 speak with conviction, ee7f13df2d but Joel laughed ce40d1a224 cynically.b53c73e2ec63ac62

“Hey, Alex. It seems you’ve 9f9af24303 forgotten.”1553be11fbbffa2c

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He opened a990b8992e his bathrobe a8ad3a549d to show fe0b693f68 the middle 996e041b73 of his e3863443f6 chest. A clear scar ran f110797d3c from top to bottom, 386bf2193b where his flesh had 056344c6f1 once been torn. Even as Alexander tried b83a472e22 to protest, “Your Majesty, 2b7b8c2073 but—!” Joel grabbed his f9e56b27f2 hand and placed it 488e69c5cd over the area where 7055a8b975 his heart should be.15cfaba1c5fa5156

“Can you feel it?”4fae6dd39d7b6a91

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There was no 5f5c15cd77 heartbeat where there 0868b07ba4 should have been d2ecd1fc06 one. It was completely still. Alexander, feeling the 1a435528a1 eerie stillness again, f232891c8b wore a sad aedcdd5fc3 expression. Joel chuckled, letting smoke 43ca81441a slip through his lips, 80e4559d17 and spoke in a 436527a5b8 soft voice.ff792114b942e80b

“Do you think someone a2890b5e47 like me can feel 5a6d72a9a2 love? The emotions 5003a14a6f I feel 49f2bb577e now are 9f447dc146 just echoes 33028f30ed of past 0dcb5ade73 events, spoken 4b6b3190c0 in the e16e5fbce4 past tense. What I’m doing 5050aa30e3 now is just ca4555df15 because…”8f6071e22138de7d

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With the f6bcd5c97d cigarette between 9da2d25ea9 his fingers, 67c319897a he looked 642c570f1b at Alexander e2f3dda944 and spoke d41e75a185 without hesitation.74a826ebf2f20712

“He’s beautiful. Would you let someone else see such a thing? Would you let others see the Emperor’s crown?”2648e6d7ff0bccc6

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Alexander, who had 5ff152703e been silently listening aa0611efa5 to the Emperor, 04152e6bed finally spoke.f128c881b0ae7384

“Your Majesty, you said it yourself, didn’t you? That you speak of emotions in the past tense, inferred from past events.”899ae313fe91b83a

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“Yes.”243c0baede6d0f68

As the Emperor 1dffb7d84e stubbed out his 5aa07b68b7 cigarette in the 541117de8f ashtray, Alexander left 98d13d948a him with a 52490d5f32 meaningful remark.8acce58124960c8d

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“What if Your Majesty loved Queen Lute even before you had your heart removed? Not in a romantic sense, but as a human being.”8fdccb5c81f35a45

With his 46764e5ee1 hand over 9b960529b7 his chest, 13c59c5165 Alexander wore 24cce02ec3 a gentle 90f2e71cd7 smile.21472b36b2e90744

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“That’s love too.”2dff59720c32bdd6

Alexander, speaking 6149affa00 with emotion, 49062a6fcc looked at 674ae07bd2 the Emperor cfa8a3105b with moist f0816ce1b5 eyes, and 8bcd07d868 Joel smiled.3679709df83809f8

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“Alexander. Stop talking nonsense from the morning and take off your clothes.”547a8276ac856660

The chamberlain, unaware of ae0db5dd4c the relationship between Alexander d263d6ea6e and Joel, turned pale.4001350f452bff67

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.☘︎ ݁˖4d0e3a99419b8ec4

On a fresh morning f92ff39c22 with 26 days left 80fc831054 until the divorce, Melik 0f418bc035 returned with a weary 8c8dc319e4 face after finishing his 0e5699f5f7 business. Thanks to 41968707d3 the bountiful 5b0c708434 potato harvest bcbcb7acda that he, e966782bc3 Lute, and 349b323ef8 Anna had 5ccfc67adc carefully nurtured, 69baa6cd58 he had cc606ae21c earned a e2b911dde7 decent sum 1379098816 and came 1651d99ee0 back with 1ebaddd254 plenty of c6d5b314e2 meat and 22ac395292 medicine.344fe78570f48a9a

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Most importantly, he f451ebe8d1 handed Lute the 1a3cfddf40 divorce papers. He had even written b47761b874 an example of how 40b256d763 to fill them out 0c09b05326 and passed it to 7e992a4c06 Lute before collapsing onto f9a1f70a31 the shared first-floor bed 7ec9a33060 to sleep.0ca5d767e666b36f

Lute sat 2703bd9df5 at the 178cf71237 desk, relying 868e979c7d on the 64ccff8d86 incoming sunlight, c3d0932ed2 and began 0fb4dc7255 filling out 9213a77394 his personal 26adba116b information on 991655f269 the divorce 38d5832075 papers.e9190b3fc270c8ee

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Although he 1381a56fb7 was destined da3d462add to remain ad36f2665c confined, Anna 1fe87f5b09 and Melik 0041ebed34 had been 0faeba22a6 granted the a13656abe4 right to 3881e59522 go out 666969cd1d once a f94387bc5a week—unlike other 4c980bfea6 palace residents—which 13495bdc51 allowed them 0e0e56f679 to endure 9a8ac4ebbe ten years 61f3002efa by purchasing 5626d5c1fa various necessities.e0a59e10ac50ee04

Lute turned his 703e655b7d head to look 334793d4a3 out the window 69eaeee7bb beside the desk. The Water b92693fb93 Palace was e9e2763968 a very 7d1aed3b8a narrow palace 91bc526329 compared to 6c15e31e2f the others, b86c8c520b so he a0f23725ba and Melik ac168ee15f used the ef28ab5883 first floor, 0bd283ae79 while Anna 5fba35cb34 lived on 8b2a76871d the second, 29ad1b9e12 which had c418539f08 a slightly 1d73c81c73 different structure. Lute had originally 7033875814 preferred the second 437cae32c6 floor for a c1a5e1f3df simple reason.c61a56e24223b6db

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From there, he could 04e7b7be1f better see the lush 7f6528674a potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, 2bbf84a83c and various crops. My precious babies 25a422b62b that I raised… 3e88e830ee Lute was filled 3aa5b442a8 with emotion, gazing a58fa7e9b9 lovingly at the a89b4f2921 green sprouts and 7ea98d8e00 flowers, completely immersed b7148ed434 in his feelings.3e6d469d7cdec623

Then, looking ddca9cd9a9 back at bc5d24dd21 the divorce 6ae72829c7 papers, his 9346926a34 shoulders slumped. While he was c873bdda7a happy about the 116b3bce27 divorce, he was 8bf3d5fe3a worried about leaving f35acf023d those children behind.dc89191aaef80ab6

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How important it is 721d11dca0 to care for plants c0e661abd5 emotionally! He realized cc71910a51 this when baeec4b0bc taking care afffc1479b of Snow, 6d363bad50 who had 1d8ac29164 trembled in e61060c222 pain—how vital feadc44652 it was 329afecb4b to tell 2ac72f229e them he bfe3a0a850 loved them 3b7bf922f0 every morning 845e985b0e and evening.29c242813863a1eb

I love you, I f1fa3c4b66 love you, I love 22faec533e you…9fe9d7f7682a0bdb

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Words that a865dafbac never grew 1f76b06d7d old, words 8a99d75f51 that kept 21ad6f073a the children 62f61f08b2 alive. Lute constantly spoke 7c162a7166 them, and the 74d9458dc0 crops—and Snow—seemed to 8c2371c2c0 understand his heart, 87d940e40c growing robustly and ecb218783f fulfilling their roles.ac4af147235cc1c1

When the 8d89bba749 plants were 616ef15a46 eaten by f780f0e5a5 pests or b087a495b2 fell ill e0313dd3fe with endemic b1cffc2f3c diseases, Lute’s 8c1002c1af heart ached 3a82c0ec8b terribly. But when they 692dad2716 drank water and cc9fd6eedb fertilizer and grew 985e497a41 lush and green, 2c1d7c2b5e nothing made him b6c07f0297 happier.3566b965aa6a2602

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In 26 days, 362eb34a76 I won’t be f3f94e0885 able to see 061ce99cdd this sight anymore… 29ef2f6143 That field, that bcd819cc40 garden. He had 2700711bad asked Anna bc989b27c7 and Melik ddaca3426f to take 7970f9fe8e care of 6f4487d25b the things 9c8a0857d3 he had ebb72fd826 started growing aede2d2f2b ten years 4f7716d8ab ago.b4d891af5306cf05

“My babies, even 25bfa72bce if you miss 41584d49b4 Dad….”0cfd2bc1a17cfbe5

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Muttering in melancholy while cf5ce6b2d7 swinging his feet, Lute’s cb738c58a6 gaze landed on the ac162d26e5 tip of a light 0962482fa8 brown leather shoe. The pointed toe 201061ecb9 of the worn 43c9b7da4b shoe, which he c60ad8dd6d had worn for 76322c8b39 over six years, 0e9dcd73a1 was sharp like ce5e2ef777 a spear.cded8b5eb3499858

Fortunately, Lute’s feet 50959a813f were small for 3f2d9cd610 a man and 979a9067ce larger than a 5e2b6736af woman’s, so the 99f93fb371 narrow front didn’t d89c083541 hurt. But if they 9eb985f7cc had fit perfectly, 0d8af0fbd5 they would have 85cba848a7 been extremely painful 073543dd43 shoes.9211ea19636c3eb2

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Conversely, because d9a85245a9 they didn’t c53d27c9c2 fit quite c237f92b9a right, they 61889eb655 slipped off 49deacb25a easily—causing him 5ea5044631 to trip 9d083ed785 and injure d5b1ff3113 his knees 3fe6e73c9c or palms 09b7ba6a24 whenever he 179d825e46 walked in 3ae992a69f a hurry.987ec20acfabd00e

They were dd2c9ddc99 shoes he 36f02164c1 had to 2d3278e9d4 walk very 692d45ec89 carefully in. But in a 464d175453 fit of anger, 0efa39a848 he had thrown 8c784db556 them at Alexander—the fccf872dd1 self-proclaimed knight commander—and b8787c2a19 his smug face… 8fa13b8c3a and lost them.d0801eaf5ca603a6

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He regretted it.c9ed9c960c82390a

I should’ve thrown them a3a5644496 harder and smashed his 264ce1bdae nose.2afb8f9a0b1ffab2

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“Hmm….”ef4f8efa0324b897

But Lute was 2ea3b57ff3 very fond of f4420a70b9 the perfectly fitting, 6f7bd0388e round-toed leather shoes 7fe2cb252a that seemed to 49f580dcce know his feet ea7913125b well. When he was bb35b19886 younger, he had 90d06ed6dc been much sicker 02bfbdbad0 and bedridden more c7d35ccab3 often than now, da51c486a1 so he dressed 3b1b446f1a as a girl cf68e54a5d until the age d00a1322c8 of ten—wearing flat 92085b80f9 shoes with round 63c7837c3e toes, like Loue’s.b538f6914d6cd18e

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Perhaps because 7d50854f04 of that, a9bfe18918 Lute found 555d27ebbc round-toed leather 5721bdc410 shoes much 1ec8056be9 more comfortable 5285bf95ac and calming 8341812636 than pointed 5c9d541447 ones.561a05b768c3448c

That was 744c680350 what familiarity 22bf229f03 was. Even in uncertain 80e2affd6a situations, familiar items 180fdd04f3 could bring peace 5565994edb to a stormy 39160cedb3 heart—as if nothing 57142906fe had happened at f5e138ce2b all.ee275bcc869144d8

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Lute placed his elbows b5a213e09e on the windowsill, rested fe2de56f32 his face in his 4100d6b153 palms, and slowly closed d24804fa81 his eyes, feeling the 91d478e7c3 sunlight stream in as 3375f1097c he muttered,fa60266e6e285632

“I need someone to 0b198f49eb take care of the 42f6e778ba field… Since Joel won’t c2821b3adc do it, I’ll have 6d85736fac to ask Knight Commander 6e9c67f043 Alexander.”858783fa564b46c5

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Living in the ef6af45783 Water Palace with 9297903942 Anna and Melik, 0076659bc1 he found himself 8c93789ffa talking to himself 8de3252db8 more often. When he was 8cbe0d989f younger, he always bb4d6bb1de chattered to Joel.eb3bacfd955b53ea

“…Even though 3cfa47d2f2 you called 801ccde726 me a 9f05191d37 baby bird, c8a3940169 a squirrel….”15abe061e12d63de

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Lute slowly opened his 8e543155ef eyes to look out f73e349a3d at the field and 1d2c01a5c2 the surrounding forest, a 2fbaac5866 hint of disappointment showing 6b92c27de5 as he pouted his eab0601de2 lips. Then, with a 84e5632710 sigh, he tucked ba4ca1b50a them inward. He had a habit 33970b956d of pouting whenever he 9551598722 was upset or sulking—something f4b9c6948b that often earned him 3c926a3853 a slap on the efb25e481a lips from his mother.3cf950304d6e5cd5

In contrast, 808b2212f0 Joel had c93854747e found it 7e42deaafe cute and 38060f9da5 would give 3003c8e6af him a 2918198922 light peck 5d441b9a5a on the e2174e0086 lips. Lute’s eyes grew hazy 785ddbdf11 with longing as he fa1ae9269a recalled those distant memories.3b35720903ed1f63

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Joel had always e5bb74088a been infinitely gentle, 6451f74891 soft, and kind—so 0c35b0732c unlike his strict fe5319e6f0 and stern mother. Instead of scolding or f2d85125c0 hitting him, Joel would f519963980 place his hands under bbdb1df8b9 Lute’s armpits, lift him 3fd730ebd4 up, and kiss his 378b5da567 pouting lips.3b3f024d6c0f1a21

When Lute, startled, eaef3c2ca7 would cover his abbcf0d043 mouth with both 3aa4f3a12f hands and blush, 013cf5b8b2 demanding to know f10d414154 what he was dd194e37ea doing, Joel would 472086aa95 smile with his 2d7539339c eyes and whisper—forehead 759b73f6f9 to forehead.e796a41d726ff467

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‘Your lips look just like a chick’s.’fe4e79d258c8c8d9

‘A chick?’c629d799f7afb047

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‘Yes. Or maybe a squirrel? Hmm, if I had to say, you’re more like a flying squirrel. You climb trees so well.’ee62d83dafbebf04

Joel, emphasizing the word ad902ebdf8 “so,” would mischievously smile fb999ee2c0 at Lute. It seemed he 9aaeb58dd9 was troubled by 2abafc05b7 how Lute always 555629cef1 ran off and 5e1c61475a climbed trees. Lute could never bring e5fa66cac4 himself to say it 9b79686fd7 was because he didn’t a9814d054c want the noblewomen—those enamored b68a6b7883 with the handsome Joel—to c339eca320 take him away as d264487f80 their errand boy.a4cb4160633b5cf7

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Back then, he 6c58866b9a naturally thought Joel ff2bf0cc7b was his. He simply assumed bb8d4cd1df he would marry 0da865036d Joel.479796c26e2dcc9c

“It was all just 4a371efb77 a foolish dream… I 1cf0c78ddb didn’t even know it 64c2bda5ab was a lie.”870a0aafcb2ac3d4

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He had 97f6a25302 only wanted e99db75a57 to destroy 5937aa8a83 Synthsis. Well, if 4007106390 I can’t fe27b37187 forgive my 3ea47f050b own country, 722e31ccef how much 7940adf26e more must 54542c7aff Joel and 9e53c34b12 the others 63fe68fd1d hate it?3cf6cedb6271454b

The screams of fef6fa0f4e the tributes, crying 6fe720e62b out not to 4d28f5f0a3 be taken. The tears, begging for 6276f00beb mercy. The resentful 5cc89df9a6 eyes staring 1e842bdce9 at him…3dc4c23227dfcf39

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“…Ah.”82a4e4985fd3f5ce

In that a18a9e2d85 moment, Lute 1b73dbb501 realized. As the truth settled 4465e97079 in, his bright blue 6f07524289 eyes filled with tears. The eight years spent a31f0d6636 together in Synthsis had a4dfdd3e79 been a time of 0f48a46b62 pain and fear—for Joel.ff93869d4bd15f57

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Joel, who 84a8a168b1 had been 16756d3882 a healthy d80355ea69 host, never c18e761162 knowing when 2813038271 he might c78ef81009 be summoned 00070b9312 to bear c5ecad277d eggs. Joel, who had 3c24726592 to watch his b5f93fb5ed people beaten to f14684f236 death by the 7b6dd0dfbd royal family of edf93496aa Synthsis—too weak and 92ac404911 powerless back then d043af2c74 to do anything.06ee30d5927cdf89

“Ah… ah…”30884d5c618d9b8a

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So that’s how 586cd1c42e it was, Joel. The time we spent 8b9a88523c together was so painful 0d053041c0 for you… that you 12dc20ce5b forgot about me.b553c73925d776ee

And I—without knowing 8cc62d1e63 that—resented you for f34f2baf43 not remembering me dc9f9ed155 after ten years.366cf8b53b0bd18d

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