UBC Ch14

Young Eui-joo was once rushed to the hospital after stepping on a shard of broken glass. After spending the entire month’s living expenses on hospital bills, the kitchen cabinets were filled with unbreakable plastic dishes and paper cups. Eui-tae, who barely attended school, was beaten by his father every three days like a dog on Dog Days. The neighbors were also gamblers, thugs, a mother working at a bar, and a grandfather disabled in the war. Unhappy families with different stories gathered, lowering the standard of average.e45b6b36b7e1ebaa

Having been alienated from society’s view, Eui-tae knew the prices of cigarettes and alcohol inside out, even if he didn’t know addition or subtraction. After he grew a bit older, his school friends taught him what shame and embarrassment were.270d5720e854d791

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Clumsy chopstick skills and difficulty with spelling made ridicule and mockery a daily occurrence for Eui-tae. After he grew taller in the upper grades of elementary school, he raised his fists. Then, no one in the school defended or even spoke to Eui-tae. As a middle schooler, Eui-tae looked at his scabbed hands and thought: It’s better to be feared than ridiculed.03706b5ab3a791c9

Eui-tae’s isolated school life eventually went beyond just problems between the children and reached the point of summoning parents. However, Eui-tae’s father, who was unresponsive even when the teacher called or made home visits due to a major problem, remained a legend in the school. Then, one day, annoyed by the teacher and the school’s nagging, his father signed a withdrawal form and left. Eui-tae, who had been indifferent even when someone sneered, calling him a “half-breed,” or when the kitchen flooded during the rainy season, learned the meaning of the word “shame” for the first time.eda16fb82acbca01

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“Hyung.”05cead1de5ea4a2d

He wanted to go to school. He didn’t dream of college, but he wanted to get a high school diploma. He wanted to show young Eui-joo, the only one he still considered family, that he could go to school even in this shithole of a house.5ecb0bd7f514d33d

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“Where are you going?”942272cd58a67a24

Two years after dropping out, he realized that the reason his father made him quit school wasn’t because of a violent incident. He had used his son, who was good at fighting, as collateral to pay off his gambling debts. The debt was transferred to an old man famous for usury in the area, and things escalated. At the age of nineteen, he went under the old man who would cross the sea to catch you and collect the debt.2b2713e4da1131e0

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“Can’t you not go? Hyung?”01e4da43ffe0bcac

He had a debt of the heart to his younger brother, who coughed every season. Eui-joo was his stepmother’s son. His stepmother couldn’t stand his father, who was quick to raise his hand. So, she ran away with the house deed in the early morning, and Eui-tae even witnessed the scene. Eui-tae, who had gotten up to put rice in the pot and became the last witness, didn’t stop his stepmother from running away. Eui-joo was only ten years old, an age when he would naturally miss his mother.d14f1a20b1b11b2a

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“They said they’ll feed me if I go there.”e10f781a7740499d

Leaving behind 7aef687117 Eui-joo, who 4a1aa26a0e was crying 4b1220f71e and telling fb632f9fdb him not 2c17085ded to go, 60b9d0e0e9 he headed 26a9d1a53a to the a8d62187f1 lodging designated f16e841aec by the c88a80ca01 old man. If he went 2e7eda6fbf to work and 224d57fb6e earned money, Eui-joo 9b203b4eb6 would be better bcd902a6c4 off. Whether he was 2719c13f7b fighting at school 66934c6fe5 or acting as 3717f878de a bodyguard for 8fafd93106 the old man de944e448c who went around 965f5043b8 collecting money, it e05b63e32a would be the 981b8080fa same thing. Eui-tae, who chose c7eb1023d3 to leave home ec688c1f30 with a single a3a72218b5 travel bag, was fafab58503 too naive about 6d412e630c the world.8db7fa7f4cf401fb

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As he became tainted by the violent and threatening underworld, his mind was also breaking down. Feeling a sense of crisis that he might end up living and dying just as a lackey for his organization, he coldly cut off contact with his family. He sent money regularly, but he didn’t meet Eui-joo, fearing that his heart would weaken.3dcc7d549ef33115

Once he became an adult who didn’t have to be mindful of anyone, he felt like he was finding his usefulness within the group. It was the old man’s twisted hobby to gather bottom-of-the-barrel people and use them like his own hands and feet, but it was undeniable that everyone’s livelihood had improved thanks to that. He moved out of the shantytown and got a house in a rural area with clean water and fresh air. A place where even his father, who had a nationwide arrest warrant, didn’t know about.32e0c678a2ff3179

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Perhaps it was how 2e988915a0 desperately Eui-tae was struggling 025443b877 to survive that caught 21b217300c his eye, but he 3e579e1539 was able to enter bfabc536a9 the inner quarters of 85a8fd1050 the influential old man 9e496fb1e6 as the youngest member. However, the real hardship bbd17e6876 began then. Not only 75eca3909c did he 3ef8e6e618 work people 9569794df0 without rest, 6b06cf96c2 but he f962221769 also kicked ad18a5cee6 the shins e0dc4561ac of sleeping a6139598d0 people and 713014ddb9 held drills 3bcdf1e632 every weekend b93ae6037e morning.2399b9939f22c1d4

Among the 4edb48ba52 youngest members, c8a9d95007 there was ce318e9914 a joke 655e2542a9 that it ef1a6bd469 was better e095b349aa to go 3b0b08d741 to the 40787d3632 military three 81bc5fddba times. Even if you 2c8be13849 succeeded in getting 0481767546 into the inner 167fe74009 quarters by pleasing 37105c3434 the old man, d166b801ba surviving there was 2d5cf19023 another matter. Eui-tae, who was f598da981f counting the days efaf65e0e8 until he could 11580ec22d repay his debt, 6717dec654 received an order 105241ab69 from the old fc314517cd man one day.fffda9f426325075

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“Kang Eui-tae.”6a0413a6fef19a3f

“Yes.”af6a51b53fcc4ae8

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“What kind of son doesn’t even graduate from high school? What’s a middle school graduate? Go learn more and come back. Don’t even come back until you get that.”a53baa08b09c8571

The old man’s threat to at least graduate from high school was sudden, but Eui-tae, who wasn’t in a position to refuse an order, was preparing to return to his hometown.016f3e22a3b915cb

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“Yes.”e7e8c14d1c0e9ae2

— Are you 91e6831c9f related to Kang 20aacbec25 Eui-joo?2e0467ee75c2f804

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And his brother died on the street. Just last month, he had called and told him that his only family was his hyung. People around him had clicked their tongues, wondering why he was so devoted to his half-brother. But if not for Eui-joo, there was no one he could call family. Would he call the mother who gave birth to him but whose face he didn’t know, or the father who gave him his seed but was better off not existing, family? His stepmother, who told him to take care of himself even as she ran away with disheveled hair, and Eui-joo were his family.4e259de65398e8e8

After holding Eui-joo’s funeral, summer came. Eui-tae, who came down to Chowa-ri to sort out his belongings, found a bankbook under the pillow. Eui-joo had saved the money he had sparingly sent him to go to the hospital without using it. He had also written a neat note in the bankbook.52b459a2d5cbfaa5

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To use when a405c9ac16 I live with 81160bd56b hyung.857df1373184e7f2

Even if it c0c22d0bd2 had been a f0a1ad89a8 long time since c3dad6ee70 he had read, 2d42ffe7d1 he could understand b32337ade1 that much. That was f709496e90 why Eui-tae, d71ac5ab24 who had be7fee92a9 thought of 80891a43ba selling off 4d2d959f11 the jinxed fbff115052 house immediately, 580cc63c07 had crawled 7392b93b01 into Chowa-ri.2792ed65d53642e6

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He sent the money Eui-joo had saved to the old man and paid off all of his father’s remaining debt. The old man must have praised Eui-tae quite highly in front of his subordinates, saying that he was the first guy to pay off his debt so quickly. Perhaps it was because they were displeased by that, but they invaded Eui-tae’s neighborhood and beat him indiscriminately. If he resisted or fought back there, he could have been crippled altogether. He had to accept it as a kind of ritual that happened regularly to stay in the inner quarters.8b18281469a1ec62

The old man was someone who watched the gang’s fights, not someone who intervened to mediate. Only the strong survived and stayed by his side. How warm could the heart of someone who wiped his ass with dirty money be?0f22700472423887

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Even though he had no meaning in life, no family, and no money, Eui-tae opened a book. Whenever he felt regret or his mood sank due to things from his past, Eui-tae thought about what was next. What was next was the side dishes he would eat tomorrow, the studying he would do tomorrow, the people he would meet tomorrow. If he organized his thoughts starting with the very near future, a person’s mind became simple.810dcf440cbeb4b6

If he thought too long about the things he had lost and regretted the irreversible choices for too long, the only place Eui-tae himself could go was heaven. So, he kept his thoughts simple and lived his life simply. After all, if he couldn’t get into the old man’s inner quarters, he would only be a errand boy for some mediocre office. Let’s die then. If he killed Eui-joo for the sake of making money and couldn’t even be a nobody, let’s die then.1ffdb540e5c8e4e9

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“Open your eyes.”aeaf62f888ad1f19

His chest b8e3004ce4 rose as 5059b95a1c if he 5171c4d262 were taking 1c7ae8b4de his first 3bb725de78 breath. A white fan c16981769b came into his afb92fd6ae blurry vision. Not a e46aca724d dusty, yellowed 3250477340 fan. It was 27bca0cee2 clean and fc6bc425fd new, as eb97b44c37 if someone c7966e7f8a had washed ade0663909 it. Was the breeze fbd5688bc9 blowing from there b3a97c49d7 as cool as e20028facd peppermint candy?3ea3a73c0daf1534

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“Wow, wow, that’s a relief.”f139e7a37a24de5a

He shifted f71c85527d his gaze, ac30d6d5cb following the f369c5ae4f sound of e39be6b73f busy footsteps. His vision, 3ff6800a0d which had d0357d63be been blurry 977226687a and then a969a72e9c became clear 95c1a8ebf5 again, became 468ebbb25f unclear as 586f2468ef it met 99a6b22c97 the bright c32edc9781 light.66d71909804499cd

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“I really thought someone was dying and I prayed for the first time.”b3537df62dcc74a3

That chattering e046aecb4f voice seemed 8beb5dbe8d to echo 603aa2504f from all 4fb32d08ac directions, perhaps 83c0a2eb0d because of 9925818b28 his aching a663fa3fe6 head. The constant 36ea6671a5 rhythm of e8c91adebd the footsteps f98d36e26a was distracting. All his senses e4604c5031 were so dull 7180ac9986 that it felt 0a37057dfc unreal. His lips, which 61a44f508f were exhaling hot d136f104ba breath, felt like 999e05de52 they were peeling.e5e0d2a8f613dfc6

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He had 94cc1eb6f3 been beaten 714386d71c beyond measure, 79b78796a6 but Eui-tae b41d27041b had no 9a9ba633cf thoughts right 0f9c03883a now. The fact 6751eea414 that he b34d0930cf was thinking ee1df962ec about cigarettes a3997a85b0 even in c6077e025b this state 6268dff7a8 meant that 936313b49d this life 4367b8cfb9 was a f6dd32fd0f lost cause.e6f303118cb9aee8

He must bb6f388af1 be creating fdb5c9258c hallucinations of 4dc38337f0 someone taking 068df82f1a care of 49db19920a him. He must be fantasizing fb1552852a that there was someone f38c964eb4 nursing him while he ea6f8ca1fe was lying alone at 32b3dd00af home. Just as 794d596ef5 he was a05cd40fec about to 3db6e63174 laugh at fb07b6f2eb his pathetic 3004b7b911 situation, a 436c2bceea damp towel eea1247561 covered his 748efd9157 eyes.4371cc8f927b884c

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“But the swelling has gone down a lot.”0d2cd3b09d1ba061

Was he confusing the sound of a person’s voice with the sound of the fan? Eui-tae raised his hand, his joints aching, and slowly grabbed the towel. It was about time for the delusion to fade. He pushed the towel aside and frowned. His vision, which had been dizzy as if he had drunk a bottle of whiskey, was finally clearing up.6f2cb1c4b382b6fc

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“Why did you take that off?”062010804dd5abbd

Hair as thin as silk tickled Eui-tae’s forehead. Eui-tae, who had regained his senses, struggled to open his eyes wide. In the flickering shadow, there were eyes, a nose, and a mouth. The light from the lamp, which had made it look like a white background, became the woman’s wings. A smile appeared on her face, which had looked like a watercolor painting, and she finally transformed into a person.46f97eb669a08bd9

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“Eat when you have the strength.”a2c045583243a63e

She was close enough to touch. The woman placed her hand on the spot where he had removed the towel. The woman’s warmth was transmitted to his chest, stealing Eui-tae’s mind in another sense.5deb64847da05a0a

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He remembered. Whether he was in pain that he could endure, pain that was killing him, or pain that was on the verge of killing him, no one had ever taken care of him. That’s why it was unfamiliar, and that’s why…bc82ce0017937c1d

“Can’t you get up?”a75611134d054f3c

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He wanted to die ec176aafa5 today.3ecb33f8cfd1c6eb