HTTRPIAO Ch 13

“Did you receive the letters I sent? I sent them whenever I had the chance, but I didn’t have any means to know if they reached you properly, hyung-nim.”

 

“…I received them, until last year.”

 

Etienne, who had been glaring at Rishar’s stubborn use of hyung-nim, sighed and answered. Arguing with him would only tire himself out.

 

“Ah, it’s true that I didn’t send any this year. I’m sorry.”

 

Rishar looked apologetic. He added as if making an excuse, “I wanted to send them this year too but… things got a little hectic and I lost the sense of time.”

 

“I know. No need to apologize for something you don’t need to. It would be stranger to write letters in the midst of battles that went on every day.”

 

“In any case, I’m glad they arrived. Since I didn’t hear back from you, I couldn’t be sure if you received them or if they got lost along the way.”

 

“I told you I wouldn’t reply.”

 

Etienne answered deliberately curtly. Thinking about Rishar’s letters made his mood rapidly sink.

 

Rishar had faithfully kept the promise he made three years ago. He sent letters to Etienne with every changing season.

 

<I’m doing well. I hope you are doing well too, hyung-nim. Until we meet again, please stay healthy and don’t get hurt.>

 

The contents of the letters had nothing special. They started with a greeting and ended with a goodbye.

 

“They all always said the same…”

 

“So you did read my letters.”

 

Rishar’s face brightened at Etienne’s words. He looked very pleased.

 

No, why are you happy? Etienne was slightly taken aback by Rishar’s reaction.

 

Whether he knew Etienne was flustered or not, an excited Rishar grabbed his hand with a bright smile. Etienne flinched and shuddered at the sudden action.

 

“I missed you. hyung-nim.”

 

Rishar brought Etienne’s hand closer to himself and bowed his head. A warm touch landed on his cold hand.

 

“I’m so happy to be able to see you again… How about you, hyung-nim?”

 

Etienne bit his lower lip hard while looking down at Rishar rubbing his forehead against his hand. He almost reflexively answered, ‘Me too.’

 

He’s such a snake in the grass.¹

 

Etienne swallowed the words that had risen to his throat and grumbled to his insides. Instead of a more affectionate response, he chose a cold one.

 

“…I told you not to call me hyung-nim. Why won’t you listen?”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

Rishar rested his chin on Etienne’s hand and answered. He was unwilling to compromise on this way to address him.

 

You damn puppy.

 

Etienne frowned, feeling the stubborn determination that filled Rishar’s deep blue eyes.

 

The situation was already irreversible. Even if Etienne and Rishar didn’t wish for it, people wouldn’t leave them alone. Their relationship would become more uncomfortable than now, but he couldn’t let him continue calling him hyung-nim.

 

“Rishar.”

 

Etienne called Rishar in a stern voice and met his gaze. This was the most effective way when Rishar wouldn’t listen to him. However, Rishar’s resistance wasn’t weak either.

 

“Instead of Rishar, please call me ‘Sha’ like before.”

 

Sha.

 

Etienne’s expression hardened at the word from Rishar’s mouth. That word was buried in Etienne’s memories of the past.

 

“Don’t make such unreasonable demands.”

 

Etienne spoke stiffly with his eyes hardened. He tried to pull his hand away from Rishar. But Rishar was faster.

 

Hard calluses were between his long, slender fingers. Rishar, who had intertwined their fingers, rubbed his cheek against Etienne’s hand like a child throwing a tantrum.

 

“You used to call me that a lot.”

 

“All of that is in the past.”

 

“Not for me.”

 

Rishar raised his gaze to look at Etienne. A light that showed how serious he was filled his eyes, which showed no trace of a smile. Etienne clenched his teeth while looking at eyes that seemed to contain the entire night sky.

 

Those eyes were always the problem.

 

Then and now, Etienne was captivated by those eyes. As if enchanted by fairies or spirits.

 

‘Rishar? Sha… The pronunciation is a bit difficult. Can I just call you Sha?’

 

A faded memory surfaced in Etienne’s mind from a time when he was younger and knew nothing of adult business or political relationships.

 

‘Sha…?’

 

‘Yes. Sha. How about using it as a nickname?’

 

‘What’s a nickname?’

 

‘It’s like a special name people who are close to you use. It’s like an intimate way of saying your name. Do you not like it? If you don’t like it, I won’t call you Sha.’

 

‘No, I like it. I like Sha.’

 

‘So you’ll let me call you Sha from now on? Don’t change your mind later!’

 

‘Mmhm.’

 

‘Alright, Sha.’

 

Yes, it had started with him. He had unilaterally drawn the line with Rishar, and he had been the one to end their childhood friendship.

 

On the day Rishar turned eighteen, received the ducal title, and became Grand Duke Eckhart, Etienne bid farewell to the childhood they had shared.

 

‘Congratulations, Rishar. You’re now the Grand Duke Eckhart. Ah, should I talk more formally to you now?’

 

‘…Rishar? Why are you referring to me so formally all of the sudden?’

 

‘I can’t act so childish anymore, I need to be more formal. You’ve inherited the ducal title, so I must show proper respect. Rishar in private and Grand Duke in public – how’s that?’

 

‘Even if I’ve become a Grand Duke, I’m still me. Please refer to me comfortably like before.’

 

‘No. Even if you’re okay with it, others won’t let it slide.’

 

‘Hyung-nim.’

 

‘Stop calling me hyung-nim from now on. We’re not like brothers anymore, are we?’

 

‘I don’t understand what you mean.’

 

‘Even if you don’t understand, that’s how it is. This childish play is over.’

 

Etienne had drawn a firm line with the surprised Rishar. At the time, he thought he did the right thing. That thought remained unchanged even now.

 

“…I’m not going to indulge your childishness.”

 

Etienne slowly moved his lips. A melancholic voice escaped from between his small lips.

 

“We’re not children anymore.”

 

After speaking, Etienne avoided Rishar’s gaze. He couldn’t directly meet those straightforward eyes.

 

If he continued staring into those deep, sea-like dark eyes, he’d end up with an inexplicable fear.

 

The fear that all his inner thoughts would be completely exposed.

 

“Hyung-nim, I…”

 

“Your Highness, where are you?”

 

Just as Rishar was about to say something, Ben’s voice calling for Etienne could be heard. At that moment, Etienne jumped up like someone caught doing something wrong.

 

“Move.”

 

Etienne urgently pushed Rishar away. He couldn’t let anyone see them together. Fortunately, Rishar stepped back with a disappointed expression.

 

“I’m here.”

 

“Oh, you were here. The Empress…”

 

Ben, who had opened the balcony curtain and door, stopped when he discovered Rishar with Etienne. He quickly pulled the curtain and closed the door, worried someone might see.

 

“The Grand Duke is here as well.”

 

“It’s been a while.”

 

Unlike the flustered Ben, Rishar was composed. He greeted Ben casually, seemingly even somewhat glad to see him.

 

“It’s been a while, Grand Duke.”

 

Ben, regaining his composure, quickly showed his respects. Then he looked at Etienne with a questioning gaze, clearly wondering why they were together.

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

Etienne asked Ben as if nothing was wrong. Only then did Ben compose himself and respond.

 

“The Empress is looking for you.”

 

“Is that so? Then I shall go.”

 

Etienne spoke while ignoring the gaze on his back. Normally, he wouldn’t have liked the Empress summoning him, but at this moment, he was almost glad.

 

“Hyung-nim.”

 

A low voice called from behind Etienne as he hurriedly tried to enter the banquet hall. Etienne bit his lower lip at the voice that felt like a hand grabbing his ankle. He wanted to ignore Rishar’s call, but he couldn’t.

 

“…What.”

 

Etienne turned his head with difficulty and asked curtly. Despite his cold attitude, Rishar didn’t back down. When their eyes met, he lightly curved his eyes.

 

“I’m truly happy we could meet again like this.”

 

Those sincere words made Etienne’s eyes waver. He blankly stared at Rishar smiling at him.

 

Though his face, voice, and physique were completely different from three years ago, his smiling expression remained exactly the same.

 

“I plan to stay in the capital for a while. Let’s talk more at ease when we meet next time.”

 

“…Sure.”

 

Etienne finally came to his senses and responded in a muffled voice. He fled the balcony as if trying to escape from the situation. His heart was beating loudly.

 

Etienne couldn’t tell whether his pounding heart was from joy or despair. Whenever he faced Rishar, he always started having contradictory emotions.

 

To Etienne, Rishar was someone he simultaneously wanted and didn’t want to see. It had been like this throughout the past three years.

 

As he entered the banquet hall, dodging Rishar’s persistent gaze, Ben was waiting for him and immediately spoke.

 

“How did you happen to be with the Grand Duke? If the Empress finds out, she will make a scene…”

 

“I don’t know. The Grand Duke came looking for me. It’ll be fine as we weren’t discovered.”

 

“Your Highness.”

 

Ben called Etienne in a stern voice. Etienne quickly changed the subject, seeing Ben was about to lecture him. He had neither the energy nor the mental capacity for an argument.

 

“Why is Mother looking for me?”

 

“Ah, Margrave Mathias has just appeared in the banquet hall.”

 

“The Margrave?”

 

Etienne frowned at Ben ‘s response. Margrave Mathias was one of the key military figures whom the Empress had been gaining his favor for several years.

 

“What brings the Margrave here?”

 

The Margrave, a great general responsible for guarding the empire’s borders, wouldn’t come to the capital without significant reason. Etienne’s expression showed his puzzlement.

 

“It seems… his purpose is Grand Duke Eckhart.”

 

“Ri… the Grand Duke?”

 

Etienne almost inadvertently said ‘Rishar’ but quickly corrected himself. Ben looked around and lowered his voice so others wouldn’t hear.

 

“Rumor has it that during the course of stopping the barbarian invasion, Margrave Mathias and Grand Duke Eckhart became close very quickly.”

 

“Ah.”

 

Etienne’s face darkened at Ben ‘s words. Margrave Mathias was a notable noble who stayed neutral.

 

If he publicly supported Grand Duke Eckhart, it would be a significant blow to the faction who supported the Empress.

 

“It seems the Empress wants to introduce me to the Margrave before he meets the Grand Duke to understand his intentions.”

 

“Most likely.”

 

Ben agreed with Etienne’s assessment. Etienne, knowing Leona’s intentions, let out a small sigh. He raised his hand to fasten his shirt button. Just fastening the button made him feel like his neck was being strangled.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Etienne, quickly adjusting his clothes, began walking. The lingering intoxication² from his conversation with Rishar seemed to be rising again, making his insides churn.