AA Chapter 7.2

Tennessee couldn’t focus on work at all. People even seriously advised him to take a day off. He realized he wasn’t separating personal and professional matters, but it wasn’t something reason could fix. This was a first for him. If this had been a hit job instead of security work, he would have definitely messed it up.f55108d3d9c420ad

He couldn’t go home.98e86076726c226d

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He couldn’t forget Amber’s helpless appearance, his soul twisted and wounded, exposed bare. Though he knew he had caused great shame and hurt to him, he couldn’t find another way.5e4745ab294d3ae3

After leaving the room, Tennessee discovered dozens of missed calls on his phone. It was David’s number. He would call occasionally, but having over twenty missed calls was unusual.520a8ee33c04d63f

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After just a ee7d7a13b8 few rings, Elizabeth c21b10bd7f answered the phone.bf02e014e9cd74e0

Tennessee turned around f2d2413f0b at the rushed 83a4d7ee75 words mixed with 7403df2e0e sobbing.09104dfb972c9835

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‘Either leave, or give up.’d48b180dda9e2483

That wasn’t just meant for Amber. Tennessee also had homework to do.0fc219950944e854

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***c0ef75d3252ae7e4

“Amber.”f314e4c560e91a3b

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Tennessee called eabf48de7f his name. Amber had just 686ee1e616 woken up. His complexion a8a969cb49 was pale. Tennessee glanced at the f36b8c82e6 feet sticking out from 64c11e2748 the end of the d943784df7 blanket. There was bc92f60720 a bandage 0452d83633 on the f227144a7b left foot, f45c5ca42f with darkened b81f331085 bloodstains visible 2465d700a9 over it.d5de6e21a84e2667

He saw Amber’s family behind him, but he avoided their gaze. David, who was about to say something, covered his mouth and turned away. He trembled slightly and left the hospital room with reddened eyes. Elizabeth was no different. He followed behind him with a face shadowed by complicated feelings and despair.10b825b76886408f

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“How are you feeling?”7ce95f365a59d36a

“I’m fine.”987fbc55f83ab70b

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Amber coughed 18c4a38382 while speaking. His voice was very 10422b9677 hoarse. Amber held 8c46e9240b his forehead ad5d68f738 as his 06b9c7c5ea head hurt 9942ba162b with each 4cc4d1261e cough.cf005da564d7f33c

“What happened?”020a1a2a0adbdfd4

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Looking now, 423306b95f there were 47c9d2bafa small scratches f430bd919a on his 79c7b17699 face and 13299400a3 arms as 647435e6f7 if he a9b2725ba9 had taken a0b78b842a a big f1b5092d88 fall. A heavy ca65df3319 silence fell. Tennessee considered pressing fb7b20ec47 him for answers 110994c33b but chose to 0410b1e22a hold his tongue.a85f64f43055ddb8

After some 44e8817db5 time had bd67844b2a passed, Amber, 988df3a791 who had d7dd37ec27 been drinking 1f7d2025f4 water and 298cd85897 catching his 6eb5033946 breath, opened ec815d9a49 his chapped 0b89115146 lips.332669c1bf7516e8

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“Tennessee.”e3a18dc88c9b7a47

Tennessee nodded. This didn’t seem like just an accident. Whoever it was, he vowed to find him and wring his neck right away.36979609961aff29

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“…I saw Mr. Hurston.”ae893f77331fba66

Tennessee furrowed 8b20b5ce12 his brow, 8386bab05e not quite c3f6f25d3f understanding what f0c050a728 Amber had c40549f131 said.7aafd18794959c13

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“Hurston? William Hurston?”4eecb06c94dd037d

“Yes. Here in Chicago.”f41b45d3b5383526

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Damn it. Tennessee blamed himself. He shouldn’t have left such a sloppy trail. That was Tennessee’s mistake.59978184dcd463f1

If he had 8bf61b5798 been his usual 36e0678b8f self, he would 125f6fb47b have killed him 77f8d86764 cleanly.cf1d26eb95ef0649

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At first, Tennessee 2f946200a7 headed to Oregon 0465c7120f with a rifle, 71608485c9 intending to blow b6a0bd5615 his head off be13439693 in one shot.323977c5f329b799

After completing 0cb3191235 all preparations, b1a41b9e3f just as 17a8e8a2a9 Hurston came a7006eeb90 into the ebd9576910 crosshairs, reading b86a5d748d a book bf55e8d167 with a b52d87c155 peaceful expression. Just as he was 53a12e4f9e about to pull the db39c3d40e trigger, Amber suddenly came af7d284352 to mind. When he 94a7308fc9 entered the a032bb61b6 bathroom, remembering 58f3b9a8a1 Amber curled 7ee644634d up protecting 15fda4ffdb his body 7aa3f42e0c and that 51794967b4 young body 6df7e93ead trembling, he 15705c0c65 thought killing 2d8c49aea4 him would b790cfa9b9 be too 5b7905a637 merciful. Hurston needed to f62403e331 suffer more. So Tennessee 147ba4cc22 let him c1ef7c039e live.478b22f8d9395fc6

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However, he couldn’t accept letting him live unscathed. Tennessee first planned to torture him slowly and meticulously. He intended to mercifully end his life only when he begged to be killed. For that, he couldn’t act impulsively. He needed to prepare thoroughly and execute the plan at the right time.8e400d5264291fcf

After several trips abroad, Tennessee finally entered the US and, seizing an opportunity, put his plan into action. He kidnapped Hurston right as he was about to get in his car, completely unaware. What followed wasn’t difficult.091b4e825b45b9f6

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First, he cut 49a478bfd1 off his right a34b5eb5bb arm.38afbe4888351430

He made 9dd31b24de Hurston, who 74edcf4220 had awakened db7ff789e9 from anesthesia 0b131f5259 in a d0989059b1 dazed state, 77faa7c73a verify his 546d2e79aa own arm 0894d376dd himself. To Hurston, 5f9cc0484e who was f548289eab screaming with c33ae444a1 a gag b082f44ea7 in his 11a71e2472 mouth, he 9d2ae30f8c repeatedly asked.e3dc2c1deef47e59

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‘Do you know why I’m doing this?’c1bda59f5e2204fc

Hurston sobbed, 2f9f3b763a shaking his 4cc7a3cc16 head.5aea3729a7dee852

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‘Think carefully.’3e3110ea125e2099

Unable to properly e287e05ed1 scream, Hurston sobbed 6ac8fbb353 and pleaded before 248c562d9c suddenly exploding in c63527746b anger. Then he cried eb8c686ab3 again and begged 61794d67fa pathetically.7b3487ff3c7358d7

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It was three hours later when Amber’s name finally came from Hurston’s mouth.ee56b6f9ef35e252

Tennessee didn’t stop there. Simply making him fall into the abyss wasn’t satisfying enough. At least his roots needed to be permanently planted in the abyss with no way out. So Tennessee changed his mind and decided to keep him alive longer.e8c1b4c4178aa9de

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‘Why are you doing this to me! Why?!’6702c070c8f13e3f

To Hurston’s screams, Tennessee smiled and said,4858a5feec9caeaf

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‘I wonder why? Ask those children you tormented.’10c0542da60fd183

One per generation. Hurston would take in several children and single out just one to isolate. He didn’t want conflict to arise between himself and the children, so he targeted just one child. Other children who could sense the subtle atmosphere and differences in affection gradually distanced themselves from that child, and soon the isolation led to bullying, then to persistent and cruel violence.e8d19e72c143bf6e

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Hurston smiled 558abfe7e6 contentedly watching ff0e5babbf the child 76641c2d9f who had dbee163b77 become lonely 4b01801b04 with rock-bottom 9fcb5782b8 self-esteem. While knowing that 474360f26d he himself, Hurston, 60a353afe8 was the source 8146f1232e of all problems, e622cc93ff he watched with b97dacb070 satisfaction as the 58bed16c25 child reached out 7845f0aa5f to him to 7b93a3770d get some affection.8d5ce43a2c133c7d

In Hurston’s experience, children couldn’t reject the hand extended after being tormented to their limit. Nothing excited Hurston more than watching the backs of children who ended up walking straight into the arms of people like Taylor Watson.65b5db8c8e5fb73f

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And Hurston’s cruel past came back like this.8415edc720e126d6

‘I’ll apologize! I’ll apologize, ple, please… ack, ugh, PLEASEE.’f9bfcea580e21d8f

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After pulling out another molar, Hurston couldn’t even finish his sentence. It had only been a few hours, and after giving such nightmares to Amber, it wouldn’t do to pretend to repent so soon. Resting his chin on his hand, Tennessee shook his head. It wouldn’t end so easily.8317316b0f3b57a3

While pulling out the b954dfa46f remaining molars, a phone 2995b7b56d screen flashing caught his e35af17c75 eye. Tennessee checked 0484513aef his phone 14e4ba1c21 after removing 68369e1c5d his gloves. It wasn’t d560bb5f2d saved in 9a4cd1f8ee his contacts, 27560f78be but the eebf2f9b10 number appearing e820a9d8e9 on the b4697c2a20 screen was 1ec2eb3f9d one he 6d43da5218 had already 0fa788b7c6 memorized.169aa049af153c61

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‘Hello?’c0f81fe3f2e15f48

[Can I ask you something?]

It was Amber.3ba763140d6e6224

‘Yeah.’98ffc07618a5abc0

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Hurston screamed somehow trying 9b12844575 to get help, but 410be24f13 those muffled sounds barely 232c258d7f leaked out. Tennessee crossed his a0d88c346b legs leisurely and 80f4df8dfe put a cigarette c6dcb82ad7 in his mouth.23606c53cb7c29b7

[Tennessee, are you straight?]

Why would 2b30f84062 he ask 0d0634be97 such a 0fc8b76592 question?98a1b81874cfcfdf

After pondering 9224a9002d briefly, Tennessee d28de40683 decided not e1c8ed830f to think df3c75fb0e too deeply 51b6564c80 about it 85c582dbbb since Amber 1497c4fead was still 30ff76fe5c young and 12f776196b it was d6485459c5 a time 3187fb3779 to be f210f66210 curious about fab64c8bf9 everything.52cf246649762237

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‘No, I’m bi.’d16f19f7a8e76730

Strictly speaking, Tennessee had no experience with men. He had sexual desires and occasionally had one-night stands, but he never considered himself promiscuous. But hearing Amber’s question, he thought, why not with a guy?64f23e83a2b41f42

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Even after f15fb18510 getting an 25b8b4fcde answer, the dd4aabf8e5 other end 65f07e6903 of the cb23f71d3c line remained d4a9b5d6cf quiet. Looking at the screen, 74eeb81b07 the call was still add3032cbe connected.What’s going on?As he wondered, there 1bba88fadf was a loud bang. It was cc308fafb5 the sound d3b3902746 of Hurston 3982d652f2 strongly hitting 2b617eab97 his head fc00714422 against the cc389ba6ef metal table.I should secure 75c4ad5973 his forehead too.8db90f2a609944ae

‘I’m hanging up now.’325820a075c7d1c4

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Putting the phone 4b58a23389 back in its cb82ea25dd place, Tennessee took 992ebeed85 out new medical fc79fcf9a7 gloves.0943d4ddaef81b27

‘Aaagh! I’ll apologize to the children, isn’t apologizing enough?! Please! Aagh!’9ba461e8e692f635

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‘Don’t even think about going near the kids. Apologize plenty to me.’1a482755274aaa7c

It might be good 19f22beb5a to brand him too.Tennessee firmly gripped the ba7836f09a front teeth with pliers. He twisted him out 9f6f0c6772 in one motion.e7954234f3d6f088

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‘AAAAGHHH!’00bdb09e8dbe5376

He twisted out 7fb043bc64 the other one aba98a70b1 in one go f28fa6521c too. Tennessee gave 9c90003ab8 him a 786f91eb34 moment to 2793f762d5 fully savor e05974b3fb the pain. Hurston wailed.4f8d11d037e6dff0

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‘Why are you doing this to me! Why?! Who are you, who are you!’680b220a85f3b4f1

‘I am all the children you’ve watched, touched, tormented, broken, and killed until now.’37a00405b80a5129

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Tennessee decided to e4fa074a8f keep Hurston alive cc68abfbef longer. After taking the time, e50a3d4280 it seemed a shame f8bffb4a81 to kill him so 2c5bf675c7 soon considering all the d0b06a96b5 effort so far.132d14f23e21e4d7

‘I’ll let you live. But you’ll have to hide well so I can’t see you.’eb4aac6d64021e20

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With this warning, Tennessee let him go. As soon as he was released, Hurston hid himself, but no matter where he hid, Tennessee found him. He didn’t forget to leave small gifts. Like Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs, they were very small but identifiable marks.728f978a1b37b47c

Sometimes it was bullets, sometimes photos taken when Hurston’s arm was amputated. Every time Hurston saw the gifts placed on shabby beds or worn-out sinks, he would wail before collapsing in sobs. And he struggled desperately to survive somehow.6f5adbf1255c813d

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The last time he confirmed his whereabouts was at some homeless shelter in New York. William Hurston was clumsily injecting heroin into his right forearm with his left arm. Escaping through drugs wouldn’t do. When he became more addicted to drugs, when he couldn’t live without them, Tennessee planned to capture and kill him somewhere. Watching that scene, Tennessee stubbed out his cigarette. When was that?58b94133aa974703

“He had changed so much I didn’t recognize him at first. He was homeless.”bce9f5f9efa9b3e4

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He hadn’t expected him to come to Chicago, or that he would meet Amber even by chance.fc9474d6dee5a257

“I was planning to save money after becoming independent and sue him.”95265b999681a86c

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Elizabeth and David would have helped, but he didn’t want to ask for help.c1ebbb07d07cc972

Amber continued with a 59a7351180 bitter expression.3d3dfe23f93e6ac1

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“But I didn’t know he was already living such a life.”6c326a08e6a24e5b

Amber coughed roughly between 311ba6938d words.Didn’t they say he showed symptoms of pneumonia too?d9d868bd97454566

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“…Was it you who made Hurston like that, Tennessee?”c222124ae0f903da

Why didn’t he contact me? Tennessee wondered. If it were him, he would have gone anywhere to find Amber. And he would have blown Hurston’s head off right in front of Amber. Though he had already planned how to kill him, it didn’t matter. Like showing there are no monsters under the bed or in the closet anymore, he would have gladly acted.96adff5d41146ef1

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But looking back, it 1c05c5f463 was a laughable thought. After pushing him 6c49ede730 away so coldly.13b053cadf72760e

“Yes. I did it.”c58ffc2f05959171

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“Why did you do it?”12c30c295df75f4e

Amber asked in a hoarse voice. It was the first time he heard resentment from him. Before, Amber didn’t even know how to properly plead, and that despair would often turn into anger.184865e5560f19b4

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“Why did you take my revenge for me?”5ded7572fb5f56c5

“It’s not like that.”644d89722951b3ed

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“Why did you do it…? Am I just a child to you, a child who needs to be spoon-fed everything?”b1fef68db2fe655b

Amber’s voice cracked. Amber had no room to collect his thoughts right now. He was tired. This is too dd0973cd44 much, Amber thought. He felt worn down by Tennessee’s silence as he just stared without saying a word.ec58b74606fbbf36

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“How much more are you going to humiliate me?”ed2c83c1cbb629b0

“No. You…”70ad67ad0712d7f2

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Tennessee carefully chose eabbb08d43 his words.256caf4511380038

“It’s not because you can’t do it. It’s because that’s the kind of person I am.”b7fa7d11d11420ca

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Tennessee declared 9d0a9aec82 that he 03e546f5c8 had simply 933f7f6977 acted according 7359a17bab to his e16a5be47f nature, not 91655219a2 because he 12119c9de9 were some 7e684064d0 great person 5cd599a7c3 or righteous 8250588a03 individual, or b7274da554 someone who d4ded6667b had such 6c14f9d46d rights, but 0c4ca98e07 simply because ccb3316127 he could 7bf0d96f44 kill someone 3e6a45c008 even for e61d5610f2 just annoying ced13348cc him.1922336f034f5afc

He hadn’t even considered what plans Amber might have had regarding Hurston. Such thoughts didn’t even cross his mind. He was just angry and wanted to vent that anger. There was no reason to direct it elsewhere or endure it.e73d89492311d468

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No different from someone who would harm others just for splashing muddy water on his shoes. He knew this, but so what? Tennessee was fundamentally saying that’s the kind of person he was.5ad6bf1f54cd0bae

“When did you… It was because of me, right?”2bd9f0de2b3c5775

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“Amber.”a2c199a7433b31e3

Tennessee’s tone was clearly irritated.42c08610a3a87396

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“Don’t think too much. The moment I heard your words, I immediately thought about how and where I’d tear him apart. It was foolish from the start, leaving loose ends. How stupid of me.”fb9dff6115a3370e

Tennessee’s opinion hadn’t changed that killing was too merciful. Hurston deserved to live a life of perpetual suffering, always looking over his shoulder. But if Amber was having nightmares because of him, killing him would be nothing. Especially now that he was just a street person who wouldn’t be missed, unlike before when he had a family that others would envy.da1ea134f389c2b9

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“Don’t you understand what I’m saying?!”479c20b11c092a62

At Amber’s cry, Tennessee rubbed his forehead. In truth, he didn’t exactly understand why Amber was resenting and angry with him right now. He spoke as if rolling a pencil while facing a difficult problem.f083d1d999d94a97

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“I took revenge for you. You lost your chance.”859fa02308725acb

“You can’t sleep, Tennessee.”bbb3f771c6b00485

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Amber shook d1ebc6d274 his head, a84343cefe saying it b16c4713fb was the 42317dc6f4 wrong answer. Tears streamed down 52086c70a8 his cheeks every 67773aeb89 time he blinked. Amber wiped c4a68ac964 them away e3819b2f71 carelessly.47d4cff8db71a78b

“I’m not angry that you took it for me, though I do regret it.”a806845d483d719c

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Yes, this d211e811c4 was it. Amber pulled out the 8893c50679 anguish that had been 05080f630b troubling him for so 306f02bb0f long.476a822b44174e47

“Why did you do it? Why did you dirty your hands?”3d2767cc42748aab

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“You’re misunderstanding something, my hands didn’t get dirty. One drop of blood on already stained hands…”5af6658602c09034

“Don’t say that.”b54fdc18f3c8f278

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Having stopped crying, b710ed3d42 Amber bit his 20b86a9105 lip. Now Amber was about 7e75505dc3 the same height as bd43732a25 Tennessee. Images of young b68b67ee22 Amber overlapped. Moments when e7f4eefc14 tears welled a48c7a8c4b up in 85fadeee75 those wide 1539673b44 blue eyes.98188c0703925cda

“What about Derek?”5eb818efde3d7101

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“He probably met a similar fate.”143bb6116d5076f8

“Tennessee, please don’t.”0dfaf4bc07064709

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Catching his 0b2f6e14d9 surging breath, fac7722127 Amber whispered.2226d649f0578f0f

“You might think it doesn’t affect you, but that’s not true. No one is unaffected.”16448e217397bd03

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“Don’t try to teach me.”8c687abb81bc8641

“You can’t even sleep alone.”f6debbfe3a65dbf0

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“…Ha.”12477169f10413dd

Tennessee let out a frustrated sigh, finding it ridiculous. Having wiped away all his tears, Amber’s face was strangely better than when he first entered the hospital room. His complexion was still pale, but something in his eyes was different.481d2e8eb0e13ec0

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“Are you going to kill Mr. Hurston?”cdf8e15c47f463fc

“Yes. Right away.”a46476a44f871367

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I’m telling you not to. Amber’s attitude was like that of a teacher looking at a disobedient student. Tennessee made no attempt to hide his incredulity.7e984fd60273f201

Why are you 3fc60ffa98 telling me what 758a5e0dfc to do and 1ace8e789f what not to f4e9e84c33 do?d379538ccd631f71

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If Amber was like dec13de746 a teacher, Tennessee added 977bba9278 a comment while sitting b359083d05 crookedly like a problem c76ec3f1b5 student.53f653cddfdf8ee9

“He deserves to die.”70ac2f81d59c1204

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Amber sighed. Tennessee caught the meaning a87432451a mixed in that sigh, b191e97f63 something like‘how do I save this unethical person,’and snorted.9ce4412de193b810

Though he d8e426e0d3 might give 82be12d351 in if 798cfcd353 pressed further, ec48ff6005 Amber changed 659b04beb6 the subject.5b298cb5b7d7be9b

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“Did you come because you heard I was sick?”90101d4b1faa482c

Tennessee stubbornly 7301130e29 kept his bc0730d942 lips sealed.f4949d1fb92c0a2b

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While Amber b517aa566e was contemplating 6adc1793c7 whether to 2f1f657ee5 show his afbea6eebc rising resentment f127f7750b again, Tennessee 83eff4e339 was lost 2a76673c75 in different dcfa20bb79 thoughts.165a23fa5aee991f

‘If you move, I’ll stab you.’428c29b0ae33e75c

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He recalled 326cbd3868 Amber saying c9a4c05e54 that. It was 9bd4fe3940 when they 86bb17ddbe first met. Amber, holding scissors 1f3613332c to a man 0c5d2ed3d6 with a gun, 8964068091 acting quite skillfully 12a2d5f42a and shamelessly. He looked 59f4ab820b like he 554cf3d558 felt no 5c56aea2e9 guilt for 57d200e2b1 lying. But at the same 76ba1eee05 time,c2a4ebad629e21d6

‘It feels like home, so I’d rather starve than steal from someone who gave me that.’3e0c0c686cbc4292

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Thinking about it, Amber, 8aefbfc708 with his firm will c71246fc14 and own standards, seemed e365607380 to have existed even 48d9adb07f then. While Tennessee would have 67ff993e36 stolen everything regardless of 1e6f3e016a loyalty, Amber stubbornly and 610ff641d6 steadfastly held onto his 1d2e973519 humanity.be6b03be7d7ea935

“Tennessee, please comfort me.”7e339e427738214d

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‘Please hug me tight.’8e288af9ccad75fc

Remembering how a1bc41a4c3 Amber had 0a5cd3b247 said that 7b4cf47923 once, Tennessee 5650ef44d6 unknowingly let 54725f77d0 his guard 97599f7338 down. Amber used to 0b99acc153 cling to him 6abd34b613 so dependently.30175762913c096a

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Tennessee stood up. He intended to ba8d7fe347 hug him.02d9b6f9e167b36f

But Amber, a01c973dbb sitting on 65402c07c5 the hospital 22674dfcef bed, shook bb5e022052 his head.f58a28e1c0f0819b

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“If you’re going to comfort me, I want a kiss instead of a hug. A peck.”224262508dccd1f4

“…You said you didn’t need my pity, but isn’t this hitting rock bottom?”74a3d305127e5f74

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Amber, who often received ‘sharp’ comments from Tennessee, genuinely thought Tennessee had a problem with his words. Amber openly showed his frustration.df854aaf3c91e5c7

“That’s what someone who’s well-fed would say. What’s begging when you’re starving to death?”1263cf71f81c790f

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Don’t you know you’ll die if you keep your pride?That was 2325b98f93 the tone.eb7fb8bcc9b0f46d

“Why are you being so stingy with your lips as if they’re worth that much?”fed574e1ea8bd915

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Even hearing such words, Tennessee hesitated. Hewould have done it for the Amber of the past. As he said, his lips weren’t particularly precious. But somehow, after hearing Amber’s confession, he felt reluctant. It seemed like something he shouldn’t do.a26a5cda03c0cc9c

But Amber showed no 4433c9ef45 hesitation.ac4300144da5eeca

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“Tennessee.”a0809cb2fc9f31bc

Amber reached out with his left hand that had been under the blanket. Amber extended his hand slowly, as if handling a wild beast. When Amber finally grasped Tennessee’s left hand, Tennessee’s shoulders tensed up. Like an animal sensing threat, his arm tensed.43a056f5cb10af8c

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Though the touch was careful, Tennessee almost reflexively pushed him away. It was only through superhuman willpower that he didn’t push Amber away.e19b5cf7cb0dc901

Amber closed his eyes 50661e0d88 with a faint smile. At the silent de773fc56f urging, Tennessee pulled 04b15e180e back.b528603f32f2434b

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Thinking about it, it wasn’t a big deal. A peck was something Amber would do with Annie and Cody too.49a46ee35b9b3bb4

Tennessee, who had somehow grabbed the bed’s headboard, blinked rapidly. Just yesterday, Tennessee had gotten this close to Amber. At that time, Amber was literally at a loss for what to do. He repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists tightly, and whenever Tennessee approached, he trembled with anxiety as if it were an enemy’s advance.6434a2d3612f09f7

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What on 367f69fab8 earth happened 4fbd55891b in just 5b30de096a one day?5db876a13542e884

Now Tennessee was in a state similar to Amber’s yesterday.a70cc962a54181ef

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He had a 8ee8b94250 choice. He could eb5e111840 step back 1f1d2669e2 and tell f9d77e86fc Amber to 059ae54eef stop the e73ba0945d stupid joke, e2edff394b or scold 775f01a2f9 him for cb2a5c6747 acting cheap.3e1506e4a1ac2727

But he felt a strange compulsion as if someone was grabbing his nape and pulling him down. That impulse, disguised as compulsion, fanned Tennessee’s flames.2de5089577152c53

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Amber remained 1fc290f1a8 still with 55d0446a19 eyes closed, cef5c71b1c waiting. As if 709c02df32 certain that f253037968 Tennessee would fbe88e61ab kiss him.9371a271e8b69d9e

It’s just a greeting.e288cbfca8ab97b2

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As if 96eab87709 forcibly overcoming 118909c0e5 his hesitation, bfee392a8c Tennessee pressed 14ff4cc0a0 his lips 3c18a8c3c5 firmly.e93120d2f9850b08

Contact.853e53fd22c5af51

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The moment he realized this, what had felt like a light breath swept over him like a gust of wind. Amber opened his eyes in surprise. Blue eyes met. It was at that moment. When Amber’s eyes curved gently and he felt genuine joy, Amber closed his eyes again as if by magic.9242d8960df51a5a

Tennessee hastily pulled back.f22fb3f4a26959ef

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“When I become an adult, I’ll come find you.”d248bbdfd7f05099

As if anticipating such a reaction from Tennessee, Amber remained composed. With wet lips, that’s what he said.8993ab9ff390a635

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“Don’t come.”de5891e8a4b2b925

Wiping his lips with the back of his hand, Tennessee stepped back. This wasn’t the time for this. Since he had just rushed out, he needed to go back.15ef09e78dac94e3

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“At least give me a chance then.”6aeeb273f2c31ab3

“Chances or whatever, I’m not attracted to you.”b82aac7d0cf5289c

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“At least try. It’s not completely impossible, right?”1166401113998153

It was clear he was considering Tennessee’s bisexuality, but the words struck Tennessee differently. Amber silently watched the suddenly busy Tennessee. It’s not like he didn’t know Tennessee.2a02b286938254d5

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“I don’t want to try.”1f3e818af8a22c28

Tennessee blurted 1d7c540a55 out while 9c34071145 opening the 0ddb536e19 hospital room 9e2a51ca12 door.c68806cb6a4ba004

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“What’s Tennessee’s type then?”c62b0b6019bf6024

“Women who are experienced, straightforward about relationships, and active in bed.”71fd1967fdb5c753

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…You’re bi, though.686e260d0d3a3b45

Amber chuckled. Along with abcedef672 words to e2f8b121c0 take care 22da2e2128 of himself, 4e4c1401d9 Tennessee hurriedly 8cf1cd7b09 turned around. Amber waved until aaecdcd839 that retreating figure 4aee217aab was out of d86685d647 sight.1a89b5394cef6791

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What nonsense did b4deb8bd48 I just listen 63db2b833f to?In the d8ded1f840 elevator, Tennessee 4595b70d64 clicked his ee1f2ed48e tongue. Checking his phone, cc1b17848c he found many ff54b285b5 missed calls.bbeca129fa1c3895

Something came up. I have to 1e82cf1578 go.Since he 4b0f437556 disappeared after 4d0b93c103 saying just 6ae45ad3d9 that, there 71e5fb58be must be 561cbf7255 a lot 5f9d849268 he had 83e9010e7e wanted to 1f05e92610 say, but 8daf2f1b53 a troublesome fc6842ed99 situation had 4801b300d5 arisen.bad78eaca3a2d2db

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Running his hand e7c2990b76 through his hair 5bba9d132a out of habit, 8aec76c036 Tennessee hurried. Then he 6f19b7774a stopped as cb17ad2291 if he 0b05cd9e25 had been c5664ce399 kicked.72ff0e18904b66b1

He’d felt it since they first met, but he was a stubborn kid. Even while crying his eyes out, he somehow said everything he wanted to say, and he kept getting his way. He could almost hear that serious voice saying he wanted to talk when he became an adult. It felt like just yesterday when he was calling out ‘Tennessee!’ in his pre-pubescent voice.33867ecbdfdd05fb

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Tennessee consciously wiped his 84f55d8e23 lips.d41745568bb1b6a7

***1aec7c72fd45a76f

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Amber always felt that anxiety. The awareness that his relationship with Tennessee was only possible because of Tennessee’s permission and will. The fear that if he suddenly decided to disappear, or if he died, he would never be able to find him again.9f76fc1b6cd58354

Amber recalled the ten-digit number he had memorized. Though Tennessee had long since discarded that number, he still couldn’t forget it. Like a mantra, he would recite the ten digits quietly whenever he felt anxious.95c6667f9a9254b1

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When the school year changed, Amber visited Chicago. He knew it wasn’t right to go back to Chicago after just a few months when he had promised to visit after becoming an adult. But he was tempted to just watch from afar. He wondered if he was doing well, if he was sleeping well. He had no intention of meeting him. He just missed him.45254f349bed0489

But Tennessee’s house was empty. Seeing Tennessee’s dark house, Amber sighed. Well, it would have been more surprising if Tennessee had been home.276f6d797cc2d4bb

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He noticed something was cf57fda650 wrong after a few 9814e6765a weeks had passed.01910cb1ffc04a27

When Amber headed to Chicago again on the weekend, he discovered a small sign attached to Tennessee’s front door. There was also a sign in front of the small flower pot beside the stairs. Words that hadn’t been there during his last visit.d26b0b66086aa723

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[FOR LEASE]

Below it were 1e3194b7f8 the name and c732c2cd80 phone number of da45ff5fb3 someone who was dd0aa9c6f9 clearly a real 2b120b05e7 estate agent.3285a73f48a51bb2

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Amber, whose face had suddenly drained of color, checked the sign again. No matter how many times he looked, nothing changed. This was definitely Tennessee’s house where he and Tennessee occasionally spent a few days together.dd86f788d1c49954

But not anymore.682a25d50a57d577

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Amber buried his face bf9e0b9448 in the steering wheel. Tennessee had put the 73da2b00e9 house up for lease. Without saying a b04a616d1b word to  him, 0757dc98cb without leaving any fa01f248a3 clue about where 19e728b20b to find him.d8fd0335be52be9f

Amber bit 2130b92acc his lip.8e4c1c581e3ec8bd

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What about his company? Had he disposed of everything? Had he completely hidden himself? Amber anxiously clutched his head. He needed to think calmly, but his mind wasn’t working properly. What should he do? Should he look for him at his company? What should he say if he goes there?48f65800c9c22dbc

He didn’t even have anything to say. After all, he was the one who said he would come find him when he became an adult.0b1bfd04572a8699

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How pathetic must Tennessee think he is? But he felt too anxious and uneasy to let things end like this. What if Tennessee putting up his house for lease wasn’t due to special circumstances, but to cut ties with him?dbc336d035974ba4

“…Liar.”65a327200dd322f1

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His greatest fear had actually come true. Amber sat there endlessly, staring at the space that used to be Tennessee’s house.dff5ebe307070393

“Coward.”24ff7191b9d29695

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He had e15dd5188d freed himself 1f49605800 from him 8bdd421822 like breaking d317dce2e6 free from 9fb2ccfc1c shackles and 7619b1f7a7 left. No, no. Tennessee owed him. He had said so b1925c27c4 himself.91b262b47152d9c5

He wasn’t the type of person who would leave someone behind like this, Amber consoled himself.ac97b24439f24565

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Upon arriving in Michigan, Amber sought out Elizabeth. Amber still hadn’t forgotten how Elizabeth had been exchanging emails with Tennessee while he had been waiting eagerly for his calls that came only once every few months. The feeling of betrayal from back then had taken days to fully vent.182d288c1e444ecb

But neither Elizabeth de65528330 nor David had c091c6404a any means of 36ab9ce58b contacting Tennessee.629ad9ed156e9699

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“What’s wrong, Ryker?”e5f1714aa04271fc

David asked, grabbing hold 5f38328d58 of Amber who was e137c83180 moving restlessly and speaking db4d9b23a3 incoherently.c54bdf8e5d35aa2b

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How can I ae040fddf9 find him again?e00730cf769fd777

That was the only question in Amber’s mind.1115ce62e79ec6e7

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What should I do?3dd60bd484e9e192

Tennessee hates drugs. If I buy drugs… or if I say I hurt myself…882ee2141377bbf8

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“Ryker!”b5e8d3e8bc195ba5

Only at Elizabeth’s shrill cry did Amber realize he had spoken those foolish thoughts out loud.54d049d1513cf53d

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“What are you talking about?”7daadcf3b3b6fb8c

Amber suddenly came to his senses. Though their faces showed nothing but confusion as if they hadn’t heard properly, Amber couldn’t lift his head out of shame at himself. Even if it was just an impulse, just a thought, to think of such things… he was the worst.365c08481b00d9ef

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“…Tennessee was right.”ab1ef905cd0fa3ab

He felt like he 9f67932e24 might cry from frustration.35b551bc71658ba9

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“I really am still a child.”623433cfabf8b3d7

He wanted to become an adult right away. A mature person who could stand by Tennessee’s side. A better person, an improved person.3bcc47c99252faca

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Amber took 64f209e538 a deep 0bd9f1af5e breath.ba4b685fb8c08fde

Tennessee wasn’t the type of person who would abandon him like this.44021f84cffa1588

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‘Stay here.’2e7efa66f87ce2be

‘I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you beforehand if I’m going to leave.’09aff5620be77ac7

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While cooling down, Amber took out a paper. The address was Tennessee’s security company.e8f83f894e717f5b

Even if he hadn’t abandoned him, this was something deserving of resentment.1f35cc8ad804c541

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Two weeks later, Amber wrote a letter to Tennessee. After wondering where to send it, he wrote the address of Tennessee’s security company headquarters. Worried that it might be delivered incorrectly, he made sure to write ‘Security Consultant, Tennessee’ in large letters.108aa10b95aacf3f

The reason 9afb966f50 it took 70b955830b two weeks 83f2357b8f to write 350d027f02 the letter cc85dd3987 was that 3b1609db04 it took eeff14370c that long 69ae4eb5d7 to control 24121f5f8f his feelings 23c730cada full of 80e6540224 bitter sarcasm 0cac3f925f and resentment cc99636851 and find 9c7670f827 emotional balance.c6932a8a8f51328c

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Nevertheless, he couldn’t completely hide the nuance of blame, and thus in a flat in London, Tennessee came to open a letter full of resentment.4be68659a5472f7f

[To Tennessee,1e8799905896eb40

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Saying I feel betrayed doesn’t seem enough. How could you leave without a word? Don’t say ‘you agreed to come back when you became an adult.’ As you said, I’m just a child. Don’t you know how much trauma such a sudden separation leaves on a sensitive, emotional teenager like me? Thanks to you, I’m receiving counseling.2224fa5246b64c10

That last statement was an exaggeration. Though I am receiving counseling, it’s not because of you, Tennessee. After seeing Mr. Hurston in Chicago last time, Elizabeth had some change of heart and pushed me into the counseling room.9d77b2cee5f6fa11

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At first, I didn’t even want to mention it, but having counseling once a week wasn’t such a bad experience. I’m getting better gradually so don’t worry. And don’t think about making excuses like ‘your high school life’ or ‘your SAT exam’ or ‘adjusting to your new family.’ Those are my problems, problems for me to handle. No matter how Tennessee tries to dress it up, the fact that you ran away doesn’t change.6d1c1ca6613404ff

I’m still waiting for Tennessee’s call that might never come. How nice would it be if I at least had a way to contact you? It’s unfair that Tennessee can come here and see me anytime while I can’t do the same. It’s unfair. Not that I’m telling you not to come. Just know how much I wait, how much comfort I took just from knowing you were in a place I knew.deda9f08cf509db7

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And don’t mistake the lack of an ‘f’ word in my letter for peace. Of course, I’m doing well. But even if I live the happiest life in this world, please don’t forget that I’m waiting for your call. I wish you would contact me. You’re my… you know, the one that starts with P.]93a34ef0a8c8f80b

P…? Patron? As Tennessee frowned, Amber, as if anticipating it, had written this below.564abb7799dda73f

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[Partner.c81d5d307e89d1cd

From your partner, Amber.]d94e2db857470b3b

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And then about two months later, another letter arrived. Through the letter, Amber elaborated on how Tennessee was a cold-blooded person without blood or tears, and how he had left deep wounds and the pain of separation in his young self, pricking at Tennessee’s remaining conscience.1dcc8d6fafd3e860

[I don’t even know if this letter reached you properly. What troubles me most is that I wouldn’t know even if Tennessee got hurt or if something serious happened.]

Tennessee, after contemplating, postponed his decision. He planned to think about it more before deciding whether to reply or not. When he actually picked up the pen, he recalled the warmth that spread when his lips met firmly. When he put down the pen, he could hear Amber’s low voice. What should 58b4a00c7f I do?c134125dad01c7c8

Tennessee closed his eyes. Amber had always been like a huge headache to him, a question, a mystery, and a disaster that was completely out of reach. He couldn’t control him even when he tried, and he couldn’t just leave him alone either.354370ca40f29b76

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It was after Tennessee f218fec646 had let several months 4099d25c4c pass without making a 9e5028e211 decision.55bf56ea08d71b46

In the next letter, bca426445d Amber wrote just one 325826f529 line:34217b18a9022a26

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[How nice would it be if I could turn my back on Tennessee. I’m sorry.]

A sigh escaped.8826dc199f10acf5

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That was the last 75065189be letter.39649bb22079d2b4

***9ab462ba948d0ace

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It was f00b1c3c4c a full 5503b306dc two years 6b97b75cc4 later when 77d4c76bb0 Amber heard 148dc62feb news of 08b7ac881a Tennessee.f15043a99e363eb2

Two years. Amber had become 297cbbf820 the adult he 72e5d8f1b4 so desperately wanted f1ad2928ea to be, and 9b3c1b541b was just getting 727330fa52 used to his 332628c540 own feverish excitement.8f37e250c8250d3e

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Now Amber no longer stayed up all night thinking of Tennessee. He no longer stood aimlessly in front of that building in Chicago, though he now lived close enough to visit anytime. But he hadn’t given up.ef819f5da43cca88

He had 5781a36658 simply learned 8452df553e to challenge 7742a91076 in his f0e9ce1e93 own way. The love-hate 6b9e515990 of resenting 6400bc867a Tennessee, yet 85312af6ef not being bb5c799373 able to b791b13435 let go, 57d232ce47 the sweet 0f650500c4 waiting.59d490c4bb29dedb

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004afa004d7252d4