MYFL | Chapter 6.1

There was a time 94c4280b0a when I thought being 72d7724b3f selfish was just a e9c93c7046 side effect of having 491ca8192e an independent personality.3854c2e7a08ccfe4

Not that I had b8afe5a046 any real evidence for 728a2d01f3 it—it was just a 515cfa7053 desperate attempt to define 69edf6b13c myself in a way f4da8166b0 that felt less pathetic. But the loneliness 03b5843b5b I had tried 0d9ee4320f so hard to 2be1315f8b ignore only became 06ab8e394e more obvious the 673ed815bc more I lied 46eaf030c1 to myself. In the end, 60ccbf73e7 it reached a 139e7dbc3c point where I 65b0529a8d couldn’t pretend it 105f9790cc wasn’t there anymore.0be6f946fc6224e2

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Joo Seungjae had learned 62c2b75689 firsthand what happens when 21648002fa a guy who only 14981b2221 cares about his own 61b9b9e9ff interests and couldn’t care 63317dfe02 less about other people’s f6e11fa6ae problems also happens to 38c78550d9 be painfully lonely.6818d1b6e0e99799

That was why he ad21f0af4f never took a break 0587d738d6 from dating. He lived by the 9623c9c490 saying, “Don’t stop people 6cb8a13506 from coming, don’t stop e6d6804297 them from leaving.” Naturally, 519521fb2e relationships that started like 0b5925c847 that never lasted long. The emotions 64c22ff5bc he could 845b159e77 easily hide c354d42684 in casual b19b5edfef flings would 20ee71f5f6 slip out, 1d68a5e2ce raw and b26285d1fe unfiltered, in 828cdd44dc front of c082c1c4e3 a real 6288f84f5b partner.42eb281cadcc0995

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Not that he 1615924732 ever tried to 9ec0a3c47c hide them in 1639be9076 the first place. He figured 7e2ce59265 it was cda7d150a4 the other ecfbea29fa person’s responsibility 02114fbc92 to deal 0e39f451d5 with it, 2bfe1921b2 and if fd68748bc0 they couldn’t 7c53d19824 handle it, e4c994b0c7 then breaking 42982caf48 up was 1c803efb5c the easiest ecdd06f96b solution for ce4ac5b821 both of bb5a6233ef them. Then he’d just find af14214dd9 someone new. And so, short-term 95b3ccf677 relationships became his 880ff66164 way of coping 8ae5384700 with loneliness.340cec017eb6428c

That loneliness had 688bc1e00c started back in 4b1c9151c0 middle school, when 739e316dd8 his parents got 3514d1f65c divorced. Not everyone with d49d8ed77a divorced parents ended 1df2912d18 up like him, f62615b902 and he knew d3865e7abc that wasn’t the 585e4d6485 only reason he a1da4c5e84 turned out this af727ce4d4 way, but it 47b2b4fa3f had definitely played 11e2b4be1d a big role.54d35f48733445ed

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His parents had split 2cc47a3b45 because of his dad’s 37f611154b affair. His father had 9e9e01e51d frequent business trips 8fdbcdac42 to the provinces, 3f080909ab and it turned a456b670b5 out those weren’t 4c931b5053 just for work—he c1eba913c2 had a mistress. His mom a7b383815e had only 6310d34d22 found out 9e833a8feb much later. The betrayal broke her, cdcd7c383b both emotionally and physically, 077cdd34ef and Seungjae lost the 7bc191a90e parents he could rely 0ab59b760e on.156e28572f4e4f13

By the time he 86452d9d5c was finishing his second a988dd8728 year of college, his 0877d74ba5 mom’s health had started d4d29c6e25 to deteriorate rapidly. Without hesitation, he 71cd2617c8 decided to take 337fcda474 a leave of b54b55a923 absence to take be60eae4e1 care of her. His mom 185034ddd8 and Seungyeon b60fffc8dc had tried f34fc8011c to stop a70aed2475 him, but 4eac59c1a3 for once, 84a4f385b7 he was ad58823e09 certain—if he e29e87580c didn’t make 7f5b0516dd that choice, 0c4eb70223 he’d regret dcb5d47e1b it for 68b661256b the rest b7f1abf807 of his 66c064c8a8 life.ba3c37c0044a3bb1

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During his 48afcc2119 time off, 6fbdbc014e he worked ea09c4cce0 part-time jobs. They weren’t e346a6fdbc in immediate d27482e8c7 financial trouble, e88440a6f6 but he 4ffe351abc knew money 98446ca288 wasn’t infinite. The moment he d0abc811b3 realized his mom’s d5d5fb6c9f illness might be 0bc378adcf a long battle, 68fe83f011 he started looking 55f2fdc99a for work. That’s how 465e8cd02a he ended cd26c378a1 up tutoring 7fe2a0b89a and working bce69903b3 at a b07485f37a café. And that eb5eb5083e café was 3736427b96 where he 45501bae0e first met 18fe5424df his ex-husband.e063f394dfbf9873

The café a4bbb8493e was near 8652656ee4 a university d2e9b6d4a5 hospital, but 200adfa13a there were 2f91721de2 also plenty 2ac207939d of office 98b1e66589 buildings around, 66083e3970 so it cbc0dec620 was always 6d1b0a16b0 packed with 6734228652 office workers 45f57ce2d3 during lunch fdfc625ad7 hours. That day was e18376b2e2 no different. After surviving the beb06466a7 lunchtime rush, Seungjae 8992855c3e finally managed to 145fe24bcf sneak out the 785b43eca8 back door, pretending 9f5f9022eb to go to eebe45bb5d the bathroom, but dd796ef910 actually to smoke.e742c2ba37a2ec3a

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He had just a29d508892 put a cigarette 457a0468c4 between his lips e6059d3385 and pulled out 83f3cf5eb4 his lighter when a32fdcba18 he sensed someone f62cf8aa82 approaching. His first thought was 59358ad100 that it might be c4baf6af93 the café owner—who had 33f204d7c7 a habit of hunting a6cca0fbea him down whenever he 79d7bbbe2f tried to sneak a c280dda2a3 smoke—but it wasn’t. It was 082674bcb2 some random 84565b22ff guy.b6a8393a205f087a

Judging by 2fd2b4b4dd the cigarette 7c80e49887 butts scattered 8aaa0fb009 all over 82c960114d the alley, 4200deaef7 plenty of 3b4e5558f2 people used cfe0d59a9c this spot dd97befc51 as an fc0a601422 unofficial smoking d710afde0b area. Seungjae was 969ad49ca7 one of 6fd16d5bab them, and f6538bea89 he figured 4c12ca97d2 this guy a2c9d77209 was too. Feeling relieved, he fac806e869 stopped putting his 9cb981a0b0 lighter away and 9e95327f15 flicked the wheel, 05f87a223c lighting the end 9de7800985 of his cigarette.4e36e083ff6642c9

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Sure enough, the guy 16b1bf2c14 pulled out a pack 842e57a0e3 of cigarettes from his e01c1dd941 pocket. Seungjae glanced at him a1abac4fff out of the corner 8a68b2521a of his eye before 919ed4f2be shifting his focus to 7dd032b0ac his phone.18ebdf4dd92efd3c

“Hey.”06aaea23d3178302

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The guy eff681f689 suddenly spoke 18f2d8fcf3 up. Seungjae took the ef1d3060ab cigarette from his 7a6dadca8b lips and turned 46b91195e2 his head.2fdff463ab1416be

“Sorry, but c47c311bf5 can I c16a2de936 borrow a ff5d6d9c46 light?”74b60551707f3e6c

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The man asked 50400a240f with a slight 2fad8200ee smirk. He said “sorry,” but 6927d730fb there wasn’t even a 22c6b848eb hint of awkwardness in 2e789ec3f4 his expression.e970a254ff29a0fd

Seungjae’s gaze 8b2eb86254 dropped to 3338c50696 the cigarette 769921a1db pack in 1919355717 the guy’s 62949c3365 hand. More specifically, to the 3e46c23bf6 lighter peeking out at a4e27d9bf2 an angle from inside 3235efefe3 it.26053a498091a63b

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Was he dd638476cd doing this aa8729aea6 on purpose, 9f2a1dfdad or was 7a1ccda171 he just 3978dd0857 an idiot? Either way, 6492279e67 this level d305f5bef9 of carelessness 69403908a1 was kind 2a5b11532e of amusing. Seungjae decided 5fba47d803 to let 7823f7fa4b it slide 954df51ea3 and handed 5d0e3559ce over his c47de1337d lighter.f6774e295c247a6b

“Here.”51bf2e55b25772ca

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“Thanks.”11d22d06cc8f39fe

The guy gave a ba337f3317 small nod and took 0149704401 the lighter. Click, click. His movements were slow, 9d0d320054 as if he was d26c464b07 deliberately dragging out the d0184269f8 process of lighting his c8f98871a7 cigarette.a48142333dc821c8

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Seungjae waited, but a0a5e6ead5 before the guy 85961d947c could finish, the 6a27e27724 back door of e14adce141 the building suddenly 94ef3ab65e burst open with 077ca11242 a loud bang, 8a827d75fe and a familiar faa37148b9 voice called out d269ad68a1 to him.70e4b4f4361494ff

“You’re smoking again?”daaacb263a9296df

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He was the café 49c622d3ba owner. It wasn’t 8b0b9a40ba the first e5e8edbd7d or second b35b717cfe time, and 05cbb96a2c by now, 71b42a45ac he should’ve 34266f4a4c been used 9792e68655 to it. But every time he 751c0d7449 caught me smoking, he’d c9f27b7ad9 yell like it was 1bfba307a9 the first time.18670c86216ccf0a

Seungjae chuckled and 2f741e7089 stubbed out his 906d3385d2 half-smoked cigarette on b1deb70f1d the ground.196d317ba7528a7a

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“At least while you’re working, Seungjae. Huh?”6c8d0ca1ceaa9360

“Sorry.”835ca8b21af14756

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The man in front d362a0bcad of him was trying e46c41d84a to hold back a a408d2db2c laugh. Seungjae ignored him 0927350410 and headed toward bf92a68f5a the back door.b79ed623abe2c783

“Wash your hands properly.”9ccddf3171a1553f

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“Yeah.”6a7cd927c2ebfe72

With a sigh, the 3d9dd63254 owner disappeared into the 9f67e9eea3 café, leaving Seungjae behind. Seungjae followed suit, e5ba59c488 opening the back ce3134fd1a door and heading 9c088d0782 straight to the 9497d84e32 building’s restroom.5d864e9c3b8000ba

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He ran into ae6be5ee95 the man again 3ce7c171ec that same day, d19a4454ec just as the c598ea4299 café was about 65b1ce8b36 to close.7e433a2417180119

While subtly tidying up, be3336e6a1 hoping no more customers 90b2513e7e would come in, the 838d31cdbb small chime of the 00c55c278b doorbell rang.3682aa8aeb3a692c

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Seungjae instinctively frowned, but a128e8f052 when he saw who 051b4b7433 it was, his expression 34db77d1c2 turned puzzled. He hadn’t 934d65d2be expected the ee8a1f26cb guy to 9cd309bb60 come back 2cb1db8984 on the f9105d4757 same day.115f4274c62568a6

The man b521ddb059 raised a 600c6e4746 hand in a7807c015c greeting and 9ce7a7959c walked up 2311255f9a to the 116695c9ce counter, placing fc75b095f3 a lighter 139a8ca01f on it—the 4a376ea1f9 same one 8ea201a529 Seungjae had 3eb27a14aa handed him 1e99a21dfe earlier.4c12f99d45f37983

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“I accidentally took this with me.”4630a1bcc7cc4fbe

“Oh, right.”823775c8113a884e

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Seungjae gave a d92258f432 short reply and 6bb5014ba5 pocketed the lighter. But the man didn’t 8b5a3fe5fd leave. He stood there, 3548ac5804 holding his phone, 0d453c9f61 looking like he 3775112067 had something more a429f4eb16 to say.19368057eed0d982

Seungjae, unable to 6d02f722dd ignore it, spoke b747414188 first.6fd906bb7676cb4b

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“Do you need anything else?”56b4fcb450a61acd

“Are you seeing anyone?”ca2db5447419152a

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The man grinned as 8c24d3cd88 if he had been 0eac25ef72 waiting for the question.32ce5de328a73adf

“I wanted to get your number. Oh, I’m not a weird guy or anything.”0130b453302f91b8

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He pulled out a f708f06044 business card case from e5405eb80c inside his jacket and 38305f7931 handed over a card.5ea22d1ffffff6cc

Seungjae took it naturally 3e78dbda54 and glanced at the 35b5da0663 name printed on it.9530f725cc80ae43

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Choi Ihan.64b7368d12f726d4

The company name 3ef9c1ca91 on the card f30e91826a belonged to a d65208dd46 major corporation just dc82516f5b across the street. The building was so 6b5158934f tall and massive that a87ffb97c3 it was often used b358437605 as a meeting spot.c75d22060b531a72

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Seungjae placed the business 82678d7d8c card on the counter 73696e3cbb and held out his 5670124598 empty hand.3a3a8bc3811a8d4a

“Give me your phone.”db21131f93ee54d9

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He didn’t have a b7caf8e1a1 boyfriend anyway, and the cea57816a1 guy looked decent enough. There was no reason 848c6866ed not to give it.2a8dad4304aedbca

That was how 55dc9311a2 he lived back e533a5ad92 then.0d5833c717636ed7

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