LM Chapter 6

When I vaguely came to my senses again, I couldn’t grasp where I was or what was happening. Then I finally focused on the sound that had woken me.

‘Ring ring~ Ring ring~’

It was a phone ringtone. Although the sound soon disappeared, it kept ringing and stopping repeatedly as if the caller kept trying. Since he couldn’t turn off his phone while driving, I eventually heard Cheolsoo hyung answer the call.

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“Yes.”

The engine noise made the car not exactly quiet. Still, I could faintly hear someone’s voice because it sounded like screaming. But it was as quiet as a TV with the volume turned way down. Cheolsoo hyung must have been using earphones.

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Even so, I could somewhat hear how loudly the other person was shouting. Surprisingly, most of it was cursing. The lowly words that included ‘bastard’ as a basic term completely woke me up.

Trash bastard, should have thrown you in the sewage to die, useless son of a bitch, and so on.

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Cheolsoo hyung seemed familiar with the other person’s words, just listening silently.

There didn’t seem to be any particular reason for the cursing. It was just one-sided verbal violence, like throwing filth at him. So, even though the curses weren’t directed at me, I almost frowned. No matter how much the voice sounded like that of an elderly person, it was still unpleasant to see a blade being swung carelessly.

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But since the person involved just listened silently, I had no choice but to keep pretending to sleep. Throughout the entire call, Cheolsoo hyung only said two things: the ‘Yes’ when he first answered, and another ‘Yes’ in response to the other person’s instruction to buy something before hanging up.

When the call ended, the car was filled only with the sound of the engine vibrating. In contrast, my mind was a chaotic, noisy typhoon of confusion and shock. Cheolsoo hyung wasn’t someone who would let others push him around, anyone could see that. If there was someone who could say whatever they wanted regardless of age or gender, it was Kim Cheolsoo.

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That’s why I couldn’t believe he was being verbally abused by someone. This felt like his weakness. The fact that I had witnessed this situation couldn’t have made me feel more uncomfortable. There was only one thing I could do now: Pretend I didn’t know.

I absolutely couldn’t open my eyes, so I didn’t move a muscle, but as my mind became clearer, my posture bothered me. Suddenly, my calf felt itchy, and my fingers felt stiff, like I needed to move them to loosen up. My whole body was screaming to move. I had no choice but to wiggle my fingers slightly.

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“Hey.”

I flinched. I jerked too noticeably for someone pretending to sleep. Still, I kept my eyes closed. Instead, I curled up and rubbed my head against the corner of the seat.

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“Ha.”

A short, mock laugh was heard. It seemed to mean he knew I wasn’t really sleeping, but it was too embarrassing to open my eyes and admit it. I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter. But I had no choice but to open them wide at his next words.

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“Get out.”

The short, cold voice commanded. Only then did I realize the car had stopped. It was the familiar front of my house.

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“Ah, when did we arrive? I was so asleep I didn’t even notice we’d gotten here.”

I stretched awkwardly while unfastening my seatbelt and got out of the car. I didn’t forget to say ‘Thank you’ before closing the car door. As soon as the door closed with a thud, the car disappeared from in front of me. Although he left without even a goodbye, not even looking at me while I got out, I didn’t feel hurt.

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Rather, I felt like I should be the one apologizing. I was completely awake now as I dry-washed my face with my hands. I spontaneously recalled the first line of a novel that my grandfather often recited like a proverb.

‘Happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’

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Around me, there were often cases where even after becoming adults, happiness and unhappiness were determined with your parents. Maybe it’s because, no matter how old you get, the mind doesn’t easily leave the nest. Among the people around me, Saebyeok was particularly like that.

***

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“Didn’t you say you helped Saebyeok with the gallery during the break?”

Euiyun, whom I met after the semester started, suddenly asked.

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“Yeah, why?”

“I heard you helped with some project planning?”

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“Right, it was for children visiting the gallery. Why?”

“Just because. Seems like Saebyeok is one funny bastard.”

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He showed me an article.

‘Trending Exhibition for Children – Paintings You Can Touch.’

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Below the title was a photo of a child smiling while touching a painting. The painting the child was touching was the giant brush stroke I had painted. Looking at the photo, I unconsciously frowned slightly.

“Wasn’t this your idea? When you contacted me about helping Saebyeok during the break, you told me about wanting to let children touch the paintings.”

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Yeah, I absentmindedly replied while closely examining the photo. No, why are the colors like this? The giant brushstroke was intentionally made by not fully mixing the paint, allowing multiple colors to appear naturally, but the painting in the photo had unnaturally connected colors.

Maybe the paint wore off from being touched, and they had to repair it… It was still strange, though, so I tilted my head. I had deliberately applied thick layers of paint so they would naturally wear off. I had even told Saebyeok. Let it wear off naturally. Isn’t that more artistic? While wondering about this, I belatedly noticed Euiyun getting irritated beside me.

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“In the article, it’s like Saebyeok did all the planning and painting alone according to the interview. After using your idea, isn’t this fucker being too ridiculous?”

“Why are you getting angry?”

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“Because it’s upsetting. You might not know, but do you know how much this dude went around bragging about getting recognition from the director for his successful project? Fuck, I got so mad when I found out late because my return to the country was delayed.”

What’s there to be mad about? But I just smiled, hiding my true thoughts from the guy who was getting angry on my behalf. Then feeling something strange, I turned my head and saw someone quickly disappearing from the doorway. I only properly saw a bit of their hair so I couldn’t tell who it was, but for some reason, I thought it might have been Saebyeok.

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Hmm, I guess I must have seen wrong. I tilted my head while running my hand through my hair. Out of habit, I gathered my lengthened hair with my hand. I’d been too lazy to go to the hair salon during the break so I’d just tied up whatever I could grab at home, but now all of my back hair could be gathered in my hand.

Ah, is it time to cut it? While thinking with a hair tie in my mouth, my eyes met Euiyun’s as he stared blankly at me. With my arms still raised to tie my hair, I asked him,

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“Has my charm made you fall in love with your dear hyung-nim?”

I deliberately exaggerated, twisting my upper body and striking a pose. Euiyun immediately frowned and raised his voice.

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“Are you kidding? What charm could someone whose blood¹ hasn’t dried in their hair have?”

“If blood dries in your hair, you die.”

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“Are you stupid? It’s the blood on newborns’ scalps when they’re born.”

Ah, that blood? I marveled at his common knowledge.

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“What’s with you? You’ve gained some common sense since coming back from backpacking. Crazy, go circle the earth one more time right now.”

Although I just encouraged him to travel the world, Euiyun got more irritated. But he turned his head away and wouldn’t look at me properly. When I snickered and teased him about being someone whose blood had dried, he got even more annoyed. Of course, I was satisfied with his reaction. There was something enjoyable about bothering Euiyun. While we were bickering like that, he suddenly spoke seriously as if remembering something.

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“Don’t be nice to Saebyeok anymore.”

“I only helped once this time. Actually, I received help from Saebyeok throughout last semester, so what are you saying? A person should be grateful.”

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“Gratitude is one thing, but lying is another.”

I laughed again and brushed off this incident lightly. However, the next day I realized I should have given it more weight.

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It was when we all rushed to the school cafeteria during lunch break. Some students were talking about a sunbae. Unlike me, they were all very interested in dating, so they seemed to know all about the popular people at school. Thanks to Euiyun, who usually sticks with me, being absent, I just listened as if I were their audience.

“The members of Alpha Club are the best, but Alphas are way too intimidating for regular people to approach them. Alphas also seem like they have no sense of chastity. So actually, an Alpha who isn’t that capable is better. Do you guys know this person? There’s this amazing sunbae from third year who’s currently on leave.”

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“You mean that dominant Alpha who doesn’t produce pheromones?”

“Yeah, they say he’s called the scentless flower. He’s a dominant Alpha but no one has ever smelled his pheromone scent.”

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At that, someone chimed in with their own knowledge.

“I heard that even among female dominant Alphas, only those with truly outstanding abilities can perfectly control their pheromones.”

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“That’s because they’re female. This sunbae is male. Maybe because he has no scent, there’s also a rumor that even though he’s a dominant Alpha, his abilities are actually on par with a regular Alpha rather than a dominant one.”

One of the listeners asked disappointedly.

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“Then isn’t he just average?”

“No!”

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The person who had first brought up the topic strongly denied it.

“Do you have any idea how incredible his looks are? And regardless, his physical test results still classify him as a dominant Alpha. You guys know how many families want dominant Alpha bloodlines, right? If he doesn’t have a pheromone scent, that’s actually a plus for regular people. Pheromones are just for attracting Omegas anyway. Alphas use that as an excuse to cheat all the time. From that perspective, he’s got just the right amount of ability, great genes—he’s basically perfect.”

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“That’s your thinking as a regular person. That sunbae must be suffering because even if he likes an Omega, he can’t get them.”

A friend chided with a laugh. I wasn’t interested in the conversation so I kept tuning it out, but I couldn’t ignore the next comment.

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“But he’s a dominant Alpha, right? Even among famous families, they’re rare. Some families deliberately contract with capable Alphas or Omegas just to have children. That side is a huge business. Especially for female dominant Alphas. I heard some families abandon children if they’re not what they wanted. That’s why there are rumors that sunbae is an abandoned Alpha. Because that sunbae’s family is not very…”

People really talk carelessly about others. I felt uncomfortable listening to someone else’s private life, so I shoved the remaining rice into my mouth. ‘I’m leaving first’, I said goodbye and got up from my seat, but the conversation about that third-year sunbae continued as I left.

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“But still, he’s a dominant Alpha, right? I heard brokers are targeting that sunbae. They follow him around with loads of money. For people who want to have dominant Alpha children, such thoroughbreds are so rare…”

The term casually comparing people to breeding horses was disgusting. I hurried out of the cafeteria, but I still felt unpleasant. Then someone called out to me from behind.

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“Mi… Minha-ya.”

When I turned around, Saebyeok was standing there with a tense face. His complexion was noticeably bad, so I asked curiously.

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“Did something happen?”

“Can we talk for a moment?”

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I glanced at my watch and nodded. There were still 25 minutes until the next class.

“Sure, go ahead.”

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But even as we walked to the bench, Saebyeok couldn’t speak. Then, only after sitting down, he suddenly bowed his head and apologized.

“I’m sorry, Minha!”

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What for? I was about to ask but had a vague idea, so I kept quiet. Waiting for him to speak first, it was exactly what I had expected.

“I had an interview about the exhibition planning, and I clearly said I planned it with a friend, you know? But the reporter left that part out and wrote the article however they wanted. I think they were trying to promote me. So somehow your idea was credited as mine…”

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“Hey, it’s fine.”

When I waved my hand dismissively, Saebyeok, still bowing, peeked up with just his eyes. It was so cute that I unconsciously smiled and ruffled Saebyeok’s hair.

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“I agreed to help you anyway. Was I helpful?”

“Extremely, extremely, extremely helpful.”

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“That’s good, debt repaid.”

“Debt?” When Saebyeok asked back in confusion, I shrugged.

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“You helped me a lot with class materials.”

“I didn’t do that just for you, though. Just count on me in the second semester too.”

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“It’s okay. I’ll manage on my own.”

Surprise bloomed on Saebyeok’s face at my response.

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“Uhm… why? Didn’t I help you?”

“I came to school to learn, so I should handle things on my own now when possible.”

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“Still…”

“Did you eat lunch? I need to stop by the library for a bit.”

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As I stood up, Saebyeok rose with a dazed face and shook his head.

“I have to go see Assistant Professor Park.”

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“Okay, see you in the next class then.”

I gave a light goodbye and turned around, but before I could take a few steps, my arm was grabbed. When I turned back asking ‘What?’ I saw trembling eyes. Saebyeok’s voice seemed to shake as he asked the question. But what surprised me most was the question itself.

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---

What was the question Saebyeok asked back then?² As I entered the convenience store in the funeral home building, reminiscing about the past, I stopped there. I couldn’t remember exactly, but I remembered being quite shocked by that question. What was it? While tilting my head wondering, I picked up a coffee and placed it on the counter.

Still trying to recall that memory, I didn’t pay attention to the sounds around me. I wasn’t working at the convenience store anymore, so whether customers came in or not didn’t concern me. But it seemed a new customer had entered.

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After paying and turning to leave, someone touched my arm. Huh? When I turned around, the first thing I saw were eyes widened in surprise. He was on the phone, and the other person’s voice was coming through, but he was frozen, looking at me.

“…Im, Minha?”

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My name slipped from his lips. It was Saebyeok, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. I had been thinking about him, and here he was right in front of me. Of course, I had expected to see him here since it was Professor Hong’s funeral.

“What are you doing here?”

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He asked, unable to hide his surprise.

“I received Professor Hong’s obituary.”

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Saebyeok’s eyes widened even more. Confusion swirled in them. Saebyeok was dressed in an expensive tailored suit, his hair neatly styled, and shiny expensive shoes, but his flustered demeanor overlapped with the Saebyeok I knew. So, I unconsciously smiled slightly. Saebyeok’s eyes seemed to harden again, but then they calmed down. Then, in a completely different, quick, and businesslike tone, he asked.

“Who did you receive Professor Hong’s obituary from? You quit school and lost contact with everyone, didn’t you? Or was I the only one you weren’t in contact with?”

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The questions weren’t difficult, but there were quite a few. I reminded him of what he needed to do first.

“Finish your call first.”

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When I pointed at his phone, he quickly instructed the person on the other end.

“I’ve arrived at the funeral home. Did you station people at the entrance? Check all the guests and vehicles. Are you certain about the information that he will come here?”

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Something seemed to be going wrong, as his voice was quite sharp. Not wanting to eavesdrop, I stepped outside the convenience store. As soon as I entered the spacious lobby, I headed in the opposite direction of the funeral home. I had already paid my respects, so I planned to return to my accommodation and rest. But before I could reach the exit, quick footsteps approached me from behind.

“Minha-ya.”

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When I turned around, Saebyeok stood in front of me. He brushed his slightly messy bangs back into perfect shape and took a deep breath to calm down.

“Were you leaving? Let’s talk for a bit.”

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“Pay your respects first.”

When I pointed at the funeral home with my chin, he shook his head as if it wasn’t important.

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“That can wait.”

“No, do it first.”

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Saebyeok slightly frowned at my words.

“I can manage my own schedule. No, more importantly, I’m happy to see you, but you…”

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“Paying your respects to the deceased first is a question of manners. Go do it. I’ll wait.”

Saebyeok still seemed displeased with my words but didn’t argue. Instead, he checked his watch and informed me of the time.

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“There’s a café next to the corridor leading to the hospital. I’ll be there in 10 minutes, so wait for me.”

He gave instructions like someone used to giving orders, then added, as if he didn’t trust me.

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“Make sure to wait for me.”

Then, in some hurry, he turned around while taking out his phone and gave orders to someone else.

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“Send people to monitor the main hospital entrance too, not just the funeral home. There’s a corridor connecting to the funeral home through the main building.”

Although he was walking away, his voice still reached me in the empty wide lobby.

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“…Hah, the Mirae Group can’t even handle this much? Do you even know how urgent the current situation is?!”

I watched the unfamiliar back of my friend whom I hadn’t seen in 8 years, then turned around. But instead of heading to the café Saebyeok mentioned, I went outside and slowly walked around the building. Although there was a corridor inside, I planned to go outside to enter the hospital by circling around. I figured that would take well over 10 minutes.

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Besides, the night sky was clear today and the moon was visible. One person had left this world, but the moon had still risen diligently today as always. I stopped for a moment, looking up at the moon. I asked Professor Hong who must have gone up to that same sky.

Why did you call me here? I never contacted anyone after leaving school. I hadn’t even heard anything about you from grandfather either. So why did you leave something for me out of the blue, Professor Hong?

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But I wasn’t the only one involved in Professor Hong’s mysterious will. When I entered the promised café 10 minutes later, Saebyeok was already there. He was on the phone with someone again.

“You’re not sure if he’s coming today? Secretary Kim needs to do their job properly… Hah, you said he’s in Korea now, right? Double-check the information you got. As far as I know, this person has no connection to Professor Hong. Even though Professor Hong was teaching when that person attended school, they were in different departments. So check with your source again. There’s no way Professor Hong would suddenly leave something for that person, right?”

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Leave something? I stopped at a distance. It seemed Saebyeok had come here looking for someone who would visit Professor Hong’s funeral. But that person had no connection to Professor Hong yet was receiving something? I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was similar to my situation.

“Given how urgent the situation is right now, why would he take his time to find a funeral home? We’re at war, and it will only end when either us, Mirae, or that person dies… Ah, I’ll call you later.”

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Saebyeok noticed me and ended the call.

“I thought you’d left since you weren’t in the café. Where were you?”

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“Just outside.” I answered lightly as I sat down in a nearby chair. Then I properly greeted Saebyeok who sat across from me. “It’s been a while.”

A pause. Saebyeok froze while pulling his chair, then tension filled his eyes. Although his tone was bossy and his appearance had changed, this one aspect remained the same as before.

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“Yeah, it’s been a while. What on earth have you been doing all this time? Why didn’t you contact me?”

“I had some circumstances when I quit school. My phone broke, and I couldn’t recover the data, so I lost all my contacts.”

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“What circumstances…”

Saebyeok seemed to recall something and swallowed his words. Since I could guess what it was, I responded casually.

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“It’s not because of the rumor that I did a strip show to flirt with Alpha Six.”

“Of course not. It’s not even true.”

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Saebyeok strongly agreed right away. Finding it unexpected, I playfully replied.

“It might be true.”

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“No, I know it’s not true.”

“You know?”

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“…I just know you wouldn’t do something like that.”

Saebyeok turned away as his voice trailed off. Then, taking a small breath, he looked at me straight again.

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“Anyway, even if you didn’t know our phone numbers, there were many ways to contact us, right? There’s SNS, and if nothing else, you could have contacted us through the school. Are you even aware of how much we looked for you? Especially Euiyun, he was really worried about you.”

Saebyeok’s voice rose as if accusing me. So, I could only repeat the same excuse.

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“I wasn’t in a situation where I could reach out to anyone.”

“What does that mean?”

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“I wasn’t feeling well.”

I answered without much thought, but Saebyeok seriously asked back.

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“What was wrong?”

“Just… you know.”

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“Could it be…”

“Huh?”

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Saebyeok was about to say something but pressed his lips shut. Then, as if changing the subject, he asked.

“You were really sick? Enough that you couldn’t contact anyone?”

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“Things were a bit complicated.”

When I didn’t give a proper explanation again, Saebyeok frowned, displeased. He seemed unfamiliar with situations he couldn’t understand. As if his life was used to always getting answers when he gave orders. Unlike before, when he was kind but overly conscious of others’ feelings, this change didn’t look too bad. I smiled slightly as if it were nothing. “And anyway, the whole world had stopped.”

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At the end of the year I dropped out, a deadly pandemic spread worldwide. For 2-3 years, countries shut down, and people stopped moving.

“Yeah, that’s the principal reason why we couldn’t find you.”

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“Did I run off with your money or something?”

I asked seriously, but Saebyeok laughed lightly, thinking it was a joke.

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“It would have been better if you had debt. Then we could’ve used the law to track you down.”

“Then why were you looking for me so hard?”

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We only went to school together for about a year. But listening to Saebyeok, it felt like I had betrayed family. Perhaps sensing my bewilderment, Saebyeok looked away.

“Because I was worried about you…”

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He trailed off again, as if swallowing his words. I looked at Saebyeok quietly before calmly greeting him.

“Thank you.”

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“Have you been well? What are you doing now?”

“My family was a bit sick, so I did some part-time jobs briefly, and now I’m working as a freelance illustrator.”

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“Ah, so you’re still drawing.”

Puzzled by his surprised tone, I asked back.

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“You’re not?”

“I haven’t picked up a brush since graduation. I’ve been working at an art gallery since graduating. Now I’m the director.”

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You can draw regardless of your job, right? I kept that question to myself after seeing Saebyeok’s proud expression.

“I heard about you. I met a sunbae and an old classmate at the funeral. They told me about your… recent news.”

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I didn’t want to let on that I’d heard about the messy marriage story. Unlike me, Saebyeok actively brought up the topic.

“You heard? About my marriage too?”

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“Oh, uhm. I heard you’re marrying the president of Mirae.”

“That’s right. I’m working for Mirae now.”

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Saebyeok said proudly, straightening his shoulders. Whatever the circumstances, he seemed happy about it, which I thought was good for now.

“If you need a job, I can look into it for you. It won’t be related to art, but it would be much better than bouncing between part-time jobs.”

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“It’s okay. I earn enough to get by.”

When I declined the offer, Saebyeok frowned again, as if by habit.

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“You said you draw? Where do you get work from?”

“Publishing companies.”

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My answer drew an immediate sigh from him.

“I know how much publishing companies pay. It’s pocket change at best – how do you plan to prepare for the future with that? The situation for freelance illustrators is all the same. They all struggle working two, three jobs because their work doesn’t sell. You struggled through college too. Do you want to keep living like that?”

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Getting scolded out of nowhere by a friend I hadn’t seen in 8 years should have been strange, but oddly, it didn’t feel bad. As I wondered why, click – a scene flashed clearly in my mind like a photograph. The very memory that had cut off while I was thinking back at the convenience store.

Back then, I had responded to Saebyeok’s apology like this,

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‘That’s good, debt repaid. You helped me a lot with class materials.’

‘I didn’t do that just for you, though. Just count on me in the second semester too.’

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‘It’s okay. I’ll manage on my own.’

‘Uhm… why? Didn’t I help you?’

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‘I came to school to learn, so I should handle things on my own now when possible.’

I was about to leave, but for some reason, the flustered Saebyeok grabbed me. And then he asked a surprising question. Strangely, I could vividly recall as if it had happened yesterday Saebyeok’s trembling eyes, his tense hands clenched tightly. His nervous voice too.

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‘You don’t… hate me, do you?’

I couldn’t quite remember how I answered then. However, I clearly remembered how I felt at the time. With that one question, I felt like I had glimpsed into the depths of my friend’s soul.

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While everyone dislikes being hated by those close to them, for Saebyeok it seemed to be a terror. That’s why I found it hard to hate the Saebyeok in front of me now. That fragile person who feared being hated might still remain beneath this appearance.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

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At Saebyeok’s question, I finally lowered my steady gaze and smiled.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been scolded.”

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“I’m not scolding you, I’m worried.”

He said naggingly and frowned while checking his phone. It seemed whatever he came to the funeral home to do wasn’t going well yet. He let out a short curse.

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“Haa, shit, these idiots. Can’t even find one person.”

He glanced at me and explained briefly.

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“They work at Mirae, but they can’t even do what they’re ordered to do properly. Yet they want their salaries right on time.”

“Is their salary like 100 million won?”

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“What?”

“I thought that might be enough to make them do everything they’re ordered to well.”

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At my response, Saebyeok laughed as if dumbfounded.

“You don’t know because you’ve never really worked in a company. Do you know how hard it is to make money? They can eat and live thanks to Mirae. If they don’t want to get fired, they should work as hard as if they’re getting 100 million.”

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“It’s the opposite. The company exists thanks to the employees.”

I tried to argue, but it had no effect. He was too busy checking a text message that had just arrived to properly hear what I said.

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“I need to go now. Give me your contact information.”

Even while entering my number, his phone kept getting message notifications. After I said to go ahead, I stood up too, but Saebyeok held me back again.

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“So are you going home now? By the way, where do you live?”

“I’m planning to stay in Seoul until the funeral procession.”

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Saebyeok tilted his head as if surprised. Well, anyone could see there was no connection between me and Professor Hong. But he soon nodded, dismissing it as unimportant.

“Okay. I’ll contact you tomorrow. By the way, Euiyun will go crazy when he finds out you’ve shown up. He’s abroad right now, but he’ll probably buy a plane ticket and come right back.”

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“He’d come anyway since it’s Professor Hong’s funeral.”

“Him? Ha. He was never interested in studying and barely showed up to school. In the end, he took a leave of absence with just one semester left before graduating, and he hasn’t re-enrolled since. Seems like even his family has given up on him. And not just his family—Taehun gave up on him a long time ago too. He just wanders around like a gypsy, but somehow, his love life is as flashy as ever.”

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Saebyeok spoke as if it was pathetic, but to me it sounded the opposite. Sounds like Euiyun is living an interesting, good life. But something bothered me. From what I heard at the funeral home, Taehoon and Saebyeok had dated… But if Saebyeok had stolen his friend’s boyfriend, he wouldn’t talk about both of them so casually.

“Did Taehoon fall out of love with Euiyun?”

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“Who knows. He might still have lingering feelings. Euiyun was Taehoon’s first love after all. That’s why he was so concerned about Euiyun even when he cheated on him with me. Pathetic.”

“…Taehoon had an affair with you?”

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“Briefly.”

Saebyeok answered nonchalantly, then put his ringing phone to his ear and disappeared. I watched my changed friend’s back, then returned to my nearby accommodation. Actually, I had come to Seoul for a meeting with a publisher yesterday. But the important conversation I had with the publisher was pushed aside. Instead, the funeral home events occupied my mind.

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Thump, I lay down on the bed still dressed and briefly immersed myself in the past that kept surfacing. Although the time I spent at university was just over a year out of my 29 years of life, it felt like it occupied a significant portion of my life. As I lay there blankly, sleep started creeping in. If I’m going to stay until the funeral procession, I need to stay at the hotel for a few more days…

Ah! I need to extend my stay! I quickly got up and went down to the lobby.

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“I’m sorry sir, but since the room you’re currently staying in isn’t booked under your name, we can’t extend it, and you’ll need to make a new reservation. However, your current room won’t be available. We have a group booking for an academic conference.”

The employee apologetically explained and added,

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“Only the executive room is available.”

It sounded like an expensive room, but I nodded regardless.

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“Alright, I’ll book that room for two more days.”

While the employee was quickly typing to process the reservation, I looked around to kill time. Then my gaze stopped naturally at one spot. Far away, at the end of the vast lobby in front of the elevator, someone was standing with their back turned.

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The broad shoulders of the tall man overlapped with someone from long ago. The knit sweater he was wearing happened to be a deep blue too. Prussian blue, I thought, momentarily captivated by that color. Then I noticed there were other people beside him.

There was a man and woman in business attire, standing respectfully like secretaries and saying something. A step further back stood someone who looked like a hotel employee holding a large trunk. But even though the secretary-like pair were talking earnestly, the man seemed not to be listening, his head turned to look outside.

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I wondered what was out there, but beyond the dark glass windows was just black darkness. If anything, only the moon, which had been particularly bright today, was worth looking at. Is he looking at the moon? It was amusing to have such thoughts while looking at a stranger’s back, but I knew the reason why I was interested.

“Kim Cheolsoo.”

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I unconsciously murmured the name softly. Then immediately regretted it. Looking at a stranger’s back and muttering Cheolsoo hyung’s name. My behavior was ridiculous, but I had the need to make an excuse. Since quitting school, I had never seen anyone with a similar build until now. Seeing it here was surprising. It felt like the past that had been floating around for 8 years was gathering all at once through a funnel and pouring down, with the professor’s funeral as the starting point.

However, Cheolsoo hyung’s reminiscence didn’t last long. The person with a similar back view soon disappeared beyond the opening elevator. Before I could turn around to check his face, the front desk staff called me.

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“Sir, let me check your reservation.”

After finishing the reservation, I went back to my room and half-lay on the bed, pulling out my sketchbook as I habitually did. But no images came to mind. On days like this, I would usually draw objects in front of me, but I didn’t even want to do that. The memories that had dripped drop by drop pooled in my mind like a puddle, continuously reflecting images.

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I had seen a similar build and back view eight years ago. Unlike that man just now, that person wasn’t a stranger. A part-time coworker I had encountered in a completely unexpected place. At that time, I was certain it was Cheolsoo hyung just from his back view. After all, he was still wearing that deep blue short-sleeved shirt.