PS | Chapter 2.9

dbba9526b9927d0ae258At first, Jehyuk only listened, but as the alcohol started taking effect, he found himself responding little by little.

dc0e91f5b1fdc764788e“I actually like quiet people.”

e82a047fc6031e8c4537“Why? That sounds boring.”

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8927ae4fd263f19935b2“I can make it interesting.”

7184a86cef1e5a36c2f9Is that so? Jehyuk nodded. To be honest, he didn’t fully grasp what Yieon was saying.

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5f224740f0da9473aa5fIt didn’t help that he kept losing in drinking games and getting hit with punishments. On top of that, Rina kept forcing him to play the “black knight” and drink on her behalf. And on his own, his nerves had been so high-strung that he kept drinking whatever was in front of him. At this point, he was well past his limit. His body felt weightless, and his vision flickered.

b1967472f442c5bf741c“Sure. I’m sure you’ll find someone like that.”

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11f5cb02113802155b86For some reason, Yieon burst into laughter at Jehyuk’s words. His loud laugh drew attention to the two of them, and Kangmin, clearly tipsy, said something weird.

82c28624ba5be72f1d6d“You two have good chemistry.”

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ced4e5039c1cb4c107d0A heavily drunk Shin Jongchan slurred as he butted in,

940f3ea797ea4975782e“Are we already seeing people pairing up for after-dates?”

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f43e3b4203932923be43“You guys look good together. Isn’t Yieon basically your type, Jehyuk?”

8e541be0f98ef578bbecYunjin played along with Jongchan, teasing Jehyuk and Yieon.

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b775cccae6aa0cf1400dInstead of denying it, Yieon just smiled and took a shot. He downed the drink—a mix of beer with just a splash of soju—in one go, and Yunjin’s friend, Jin Hee, let out a playful boo.

fb7f370d3454842de8d3“Ugh, he’s pretending to be shy.”

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252b15b2c70057e43c28“Sunbae, Yieon is really popular, you know? But his standards are so high that he’s never actually dated anyone.”

b1a257d1a206080dbf38Jehyuk had no idea how everyone seemed to know so much about each other or why they were all so outgoing. Having nothing to say, he just took another sip of his drink.

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35ace6ca0ac1a7866af9That was when Yieon grabbed his wrist.

dee4f2fb36371f0b97a7“Sunbae, you’ve been drinking a lot since earlier. Didn’t Kangmin-sunbae say you’re not a strong drinker?”

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050d9cde1feb0e46d783“He’s the weakest in our entire department,” Kangmin cut in. “Rina over there can handle four bottles, but this guy taps out after two.”

94398ae2cfacbbaf573eStill drinking on her own, Rina nodded in agreement. She had been sneakily keeping an eye on Jehyuk the whole time, and after a glance at his face, she reached a conclusion.

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9119b02a42432d67c689“He’s done.”

8763a3f138118fad6f1dRina nudged Jehyuk’s arm with her elbow.

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ca714bbb819e2527ee8b“Why are you drinking so much today? That’s not like you. You’re usually the type to pace yourself and know your limits. You seem like you have something on your mind.”

32c7f43c50496005cb47Jehyuk didn’t answer. People who are drunk always insist they aren’t, so there was no point in saying anything and making it obvious.

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eb33ddd8ea81606e21e7“Then can I leave?”

908b76e20fddae455f59He asked if he could escape from this uncomfortable situation, but Rina blocked him.

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c3c8d6a0034705037f24“What are you talking about? It’s only been an hour. Just go wash your face or something.”

10444c11d3d2b5831706Then she mouthed silently, ‘I’m not interested in him.’

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bd39046919d81679c810It seemed like Rina’s supposed partner was the only one interested in her. Somehow, it felt like he owed her a vague sort of debt. With that in mind, Jehyuk decided to endure for just one more hour.

a47ba8b3edc49730454eAs he stood up to leave, Yieon followed.

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41a9c7d3b27d11cda6f5“I’ll go with you.”

6e53102a3affb452a908“I’m fine.”

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51b6e6248f9f67f8721fJehyuk braced against the dizziness as he pushed his chair back. The table was arranged so that four people sat facing each other. As he tried to step away, his body swayed the moment he took a step.

f4dcb5f5fbb7f28a05d6Right then, Yieon caught him from behind.

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e60f6fcdb85b1155c197“You don’t look fine.”

2378e2a8e7b6ab82e30fAn arm pressed against his waist.

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83ab57becfdb93087a3aJehyuk suddenly sobered up.

18b93d8e025473d3d2e1A visceral sense of discomfort surged through his body, making his stomach churn. He barely stopped himself from shoving Yieon away and instead pushed him off carefully.

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b0625e4272a204e8e836“I’ll go alone. I really am fine. Thanks for worrying.”

4958f447cd322051d3edBefore Yieon could follow, Jehyuk turned him down firmly, his face stiff. He didn’t have the mental space to worry about how this looked to others. It had been so long since someone had touched him like this outside of sports that he had momentarily forgotten how much he hated it.

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2baeb339442d12a3011fThe second their skin made contact, a rigid discomfort locked up his body, and an endless fear wrapped around him.

758a5292e574f783ee7fIt wasn’t the first time. There were multiple occasions where Rina had tried to hold his hand, and every time, he had to find a careful way to pull away.

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149d0baf466619017568The alcohol haze dissipated in an instant.

b4288176f8a29d8614d4Using that clarity, Jehyuk slipped outside. The cool night air brushed against his face, and only then did he feel like he could breathe again.

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ab434f37e847bd1f2cb8The crowd had thinned a little, most of the people having gone inside. He leaned against a nearby tree, listening to the distant murmur of voices.

7ee02945376550305a26I’m going insane.

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9421d290cde9c2e8d45fA deep, unexplainable self-loathing filled his chest. Being here, behaving like this—it all felt like proof that Ji Jehyuk was somehow defective.

58fb9f397779c5f6a9aeThe brief moment of clarity he’d gained outside was quickly muddled by the returning intoxication, sending his emotions spiraling again.

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826333ea99dabda3ea83He had thought he was getting better.

b34649bdfa6a19f55ef7When Sihoo touched him, he felt fine. Maybe he had been mistaken in thinking a few days of that would be enough.

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0ea09c823525faf8837eHe hated feeling like this, like some isolated freak.

18919d24efa868bd538cHe just wanted to interact with people normally, like he did when he was with Sihoo.

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90ae9b63a1375d7d4641If he had been sober, he wouldn’t have let himself get swept up in emotions this much. But the alcohol had drowned his rationality.

aeccc5182124ebc55fc8Sihoo wasn’t responding, so logically, he should stop reaching out. But at this moment, he just wanted to see him.

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4d343ff0707a58331162So Jehyuk, like an idiot, pulled out his phone and called again.

c25adb4572b0100b10b4He had already sent a text. He had already called once.

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fe4d00f480216a623777Yet he couldn’t stop himself.

70158aefd9e841d94e4bThe dial tone rang for a long time before cutting off.

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87843a4f9fa422e5354fInstead of giving up like before, he called again. The phone rang and rang.

25277fdca02ccd9197f0He’s not going to pick up.

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af52c0e37ee1ac4a8883What if Sihoo never wants to see me again?

04170aa0fe5d142a4581He’s my only friend. Even if I make new ones, none of them will be like Sihoo.

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0c777fa5e11bf398dcdbThat thought hit him like a wave of despair.

4898df0459a4d0e4be4cThen—

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fb4b1046a714191f2ccb– Hyuk-ah.

9d7f4766d674b07a58deSihoo’s voice echoed from somewhere in the distance. Jehyuk blinked.

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21e8b60d24974abe9396“Sihoo-ya.”

8c71d2cddb55a49abd08– Why do you keep calling?

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76d3cdc98736d2a66a9cAh, so he was watching. It’s not like he left his phone somewhere—he had it with him but chose not to answer. The single word keep made reality hit cold and hard. In an instant, Jehyuk sobered up, his body turning cold. It felt like ice water coursing through his veins, freezing him in place.

84c1b458ffd77903111eHe had known Sihoo for four years, but never had he felt this distant from him. His hand gripping the phone began to tremble slightly, the blue veins rising on the back of his hand.

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118e72bf17e4ec25039d“…I, I’m really sorry. I messed up.”

f27fd90fb9f52f35a098He thought he could hear a sigh through the receiver. Fearful of silence, Jehyuk hurriedly whispered,

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4e08831bf3a4a666294d“I wasn’t thinking straight. There were a lot of people watching, and I acted selfishly. So… can you stop being mad at me?”

5633ef7411dca5fed778Pathetically, his voice ended up trembling.

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4d366689e2c089e1b65fSihoo, who had remained silent the whole time, finally asked in a quiet voice,

cb7da9704e341f3ad54a– Are you drunk?

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a1d9bcda1097e06d45d4This time, his voice was terrifying.

cac144bb97a1e303ed31There were rare moments when, despite being the same 21 years old, Sihoo felt older—this was one of those moments.

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1533885386eb6ff234f7“…No.”

ca9dcfed7c62b71404ecHis weak denial only prompted another question.

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d1f1513ed3b4d7386821– How much did you drink?

30613b881fe1bbde4f29A strange sense of relief spread through him. If Sihoo was asking about his condition, maybe that meant his anger had subsided a little. Like a scolded puppy, Jehyuk quickly responded.

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ad170862d49e15381ceb“I drank a little. Had some somaek (soju and beer), but I’m fine.”

1a890e44ccbbf2017f1f– No, you’re not.

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634a0a2f9deec0296593Sihoo’s voice was filled with certainty, and Jehyuk had to admit it. In this state, he wasn’t confident he could take the bus home.

ad542615f1d45e5101d8– Can you get home? Where are you?

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20ac08b9246a5e69f66e“Gangnam Station. I can get home.”

823f589ed235d368ceb8At the mention of Gangnam Station, Sihoo let out a quiet, incredulous laugh.

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481f5fd9546d5d840f1a– You never stray far from campus. What the hell are you doing at Gangnam Station? I’d think you were at a meeting or something.

6bf5efc98256c8372290How did he know?

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ba5215255ad071236c42Jehyuk blinked slowly, then asked in a dazed voice.

0b7eec1251e02d7f0759“…How did you know?”

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e2cdca66a2d67ff15990– ……

9b1c55e4abe038f6d29eHis question was met with silence.

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f1a8797759b154bae057Only Sihoo’s steady breathing echoed through the receiver. Jehyuk, now just as tense, unconsciously held his breath the entire time Sihoo remained silent. Just as his lungs began to burn, Sihoo finally spoke.

5dfd2c56e50ebcaad408– Did you just say meeting?

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994dc9e713265be5313fHis voice was completely different now—angry.

846f3edc8f82af911a90Jehyuk tried to figure out what he had done wrong this time. Had Sihoo been holding back his frustration all this time? Given that he hadn’t explicitly responded to Jehyuk’s earlier apology, that seemed likely.

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44bd3932636d11c1bdd3Jehyuk scrambled to come up with something to say. But nothing came to mind.

6bff0a45f614810c4edf“…Yeah.”

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de1e45f2a397a1aa1e53So, in the end, he just admitted it.

11ddd62ab3c75236486e– Is it the meeting that Han Bada set up for you?

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3ef6be11edd1b2b80eb6At the mention of Bada’s name, Jehyuk’s heart started pounding like crazy. The muscles and bones holding it together ached from the force.

3bc3f26daca61f88baeaShould he lie?

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a8fd9a02289917211a18If Sihoo got angrier, he’d definitely get angrier, not less. But if he just admitted it outright, it felt like he’d be in even deeper trouble.

7424db0e91750cf26c7bStill, he couldn’t bring himself to lie.

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5b8c90ae93cd04e74d6bJehyuk didn’t want to mess up with Sihoo any more than he already had.

d213192176439c1271b2“…Yeah.”

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4c90550df84213f045dc– So you’re talking about the meeting you got by giving out my number—the number that no one but my family knows?

819cefaed9dbdd0fc49f…Wait, it was that important?

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4e8661f128d1c1ca4193Jehyuk felt like he had been smacked in the head.

6b30bfdfbc06a58c72deEven in his drunken haze, he realized that he had really, really screwed up.

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0228f7c61e45b691bc24He hadn’t thought that much about it when he gave the number away. He never imagined it was something so significant.

92db848c3ddf37cea6f2And yet, even in this disaster of a situation, a fleeting sense of joy passed through him. It had no place in this moment, but still—it felt like proof that he was definitely Sihoo’s closest friend.

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84462898151d6c3d34ff– The people in my department, even my professors, know my ‘other’ number. The only person at our school who has my personal number is you. I never told you this because I didn’t think I had to. I trusted you wouldn’t do something like this. But…

61234e7179ae89ac1a98But. The fleeting joy shattered into dust.

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9ed710755296fc964199Sihoo’s voice was so dry it felt almost emotionless.

b37c313742d8cbf9f443Jehyuk could guess what came next—the unspoken words hung in the air.

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79afc5d8b4fd36d88353He had broken Sihoo’s trust.

e801aed3aa149ff2eaecThere was nothing he could say.

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cf10306fa54f3ad7ae03If he tried to defend himself, he’d just sound pathetic.

66d7339875024af4de0dIt didn’t matter what the situation was back then—he had made the wrong choice in the moment because he didn’t want to deal with unnecessary hassle.

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96018646e57d79bd32e6If it were him, he wouldn’t have liked it either. If someone found out his number through Sihoo, he would have been pissed. And Sihoo, someone who hated getting entangled with people, would hate it even more.

c794a3bd0158e818e40bJehyuk had always assumed Sihoo’s distance from others came from a past wound, something similar to his own.

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8cd345cd4c0fd9380f2dAnd yet, even knowing that, he had ignored it for his own convenience.

493176c06653d2b0bba4“Sihoo-ya, I—.”

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493b009e97929d98765fJust as Jehyuk was about to apologize with a trembling voice, Yieon, who had come looking for him, called out.

63d9abedffcebf0c9a09“Sunbae, why aren’t you coming? Are you okay?”

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5d3978c970d762afa26cStartled, Jehyuk turned around abruptly and lost his grip on his phone. His hands had been shaking so badly that he must have lost strength.

88dd92eab11a087f4e44With a loud crash, the phone hit the asphalt, corner first, completely shattering upon impact.

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