PS | Chapter 2.5

Back when his f6061c9d61 parents were alive, f1602227de he didn’t have 8c6c5ca741 any memories of d449a66ebf ever doing something 09e8108404 like that. And when he got 05b3335427 old enough to start 1e17acdcd6 caring about relationships, he cf30b5b7cd had already been buried 93a0b3103f under layers of awful 58b22b3dc3 rumors, like filth clinging 6346fd0baf to him. It left him with 3742e713f1 a trauma that carried e4b0d37b3b over to today, turning 913c812fe2 him into this mess.2a7ddc19d8ed754a

Still, blurting out 473932bec7 something like that d8a9ec06b0 felt ridiculous, so 77f514a263 Jehyuk just kept c483d005a5 his mouth shut. One question 8774ec34db had been aacf8c6d1b half-resolved, but 3de551bc13 another one b327e556df rose in 4cac9f3ed4 its place. Just how 8967e1e77a many times c50f1bfeaf had Sihoo 9f7efdc80d done this 4e81c692bd for it f03a31a393 to mean 07d2bb3646 nothing to 2e14237230 him?012e03c5c99ed173

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“With just anyone?”e95e12fc13f7f3d4

“Yeah. When I lived abroad, 0620608c5a it was basically like 81328ac928 saying hello.”2aca68bc68a194b1

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Oh… right.5dd9f21e3b3fe80f

Sihoo had lived overseas 1e162d6671 until middle school. He’d gone back and c9eb4321b5 forth between the UK 665e1c5bda and the US. That’s why, when they 431d413a11 first met, Sihoo hadn’t 7267c7bc4d known about Jehyuk’s reputation. Even after 77708f5063 he found 26ca15e708 out, he 6aa73fb7ce never cared.f4efa821a4e62dd6

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Jehyuk had completely forgotten d21ca07753 that those aspects of 19f0ca238d Sihoo came from that 781079b8f2 background. His Korean b828252822 wasn’t awkward 09d58b390e at all, 9bb042474b and he ed19a5e45c blended in 2ceb630360 so well 7ae4a91808 with others 872d7ae0c7 that, just 1931a2a7ee looking at cdde88ccc9 him, you 7c46102302 wouldn’t be 4719ab5972 able to 0205a09ac0 tell he 1905a4d96a had spent 261115b99a years abroad. Well, people did often 3dfc90d296 say he looked mixed, 965d0b4221 though.579856c95e7a0aa2

With nothing ec6a91634c else to 940f54634c say, Jehyuk a966001617 suddenly became bd16305fdc hyperaware of 5574193cf4 how close d36fccb2e1 he and d0f0e4a21b Sihoo were. He subtly took 5abebc9ee3 a step back, e3e8bfef7e rubbing at his 660b358640 lips for no 38a9fa5858 reason. Sihoo, making direct 2ebad7788e eye contact, asked e89b71849f him softly.a8d26b8f620f42fa

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“So? Did you hate it?”28eb711e69cc68c5

“…It wasn’t like I b4cfae9c01 hated it.”11dee035195b130d

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Agreeing outright felt strange, fc7244cc06 but he couldn’t bring e1843ad1d2 himself to say he e8e6085a08 hated it either. Because, truthfully, he liked d604fc4820 it more than he a092f9ccaa expected. He had always 442aebda62 assumed he’d find 311626af60 it unpleasant, but 6eb752dec3 that peck—or, no, 6636d01689 that kiss with 8d6304b17d Sihoo—hadn’t felt bad ba90521759 at all.56d47903a1aa883a

“That’s a relief. I won’t surprise f7c65d2ee1 you like that 18656030f6 again.”1bd3b346283b3be5

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Sihoo’s eyes curled slightly e39fc5ace5 in an apologetic smile. Unlike the fae69bafbb calm Sihoo, 4933da9245 Jehyuk was 63a37e7935 a mess e3f25f2a31 inside. His heart faea62ab8d pounded, his 79e80d69b5 mind was f2050e6669 in chaos. It was an emotion e0760e92ef too complex to name. Like two completely 6716a8de6e opposite feelings existing 28269fb24d at the same 5688c12dac time, throwing him ddb0bfa365 off balance.5ff623b5fd98ffe6

Not knowing 0749b716ff why he 499a80c520 felt so 90016cf049 unsettled, Jehyuk 8d4bfbe52d furrowed his 419bcc9a70 brows. Sihoo, watching him, reached 9ce9378c47 out and gently smoothed 4229c959cf the crease between them b531860256 with his finger.4f89e2efd19b3a0e

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“This won’t happen again. So relax, okay? Just think of it 4a4a75270c as a joke.”c18ef718293a925d

His chest felt 861e71b3aa tight. The words b3091c8859 “joke” and e48dada94e “peck,” and bef648cbd6 the explanation d642377228 that it b313b726f5 was just 5929da9ca3 a greeting 63da45c8c7 in the 0b2be2ddf2 UK, tangled caf46f5471 together and 10b1380e79 clogged his 4b879886c0 throat. He felt 0b4c56f79c like he 4f7cf0af5c was on 676e51a287 the verge bb31ee9d81 of grasping 5c5b4bffdb something, but 1ae254498a it kept b23a206ae5 slipping through c235195c1f his fingers.3400c06ac2c3a03c

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“That’s not it. It wasn’t bad 74c2c56106 or anything. I was just… 4a007482f7 surprised, that’s all. So…”2f4877af96647539

Jehyuk let c0674c373f out a afdc9599ce shaky breath. He wanted to say 78511cf038 something—anything—but the words refused 5cf6c92e73 to come out.a56f696d7de9974d

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“Let’s go. Lunch break is 3765641c79 almost over.”f35b6340c940e26d

He ended up saying 6bed3f8d69 something completely different from 823db6f7e3 what he actually wanted 1b54bf7018 to say. As always, he 007aa9b641 chose to change c6c63457db the subject. It wasn’t like c21c0d6cde a friendly joke 15fec1ebcc between close friends 19f53bbee4 was something to 13d284b5bd get worked up 6357c3054a over. And like Sihoo said, d8f7afda2e it wasn’t that he fbd0917cd6 hated touching another guy. He had 8eb4738e63 no reason d0694f6d50 to be 057be69ce9 mad, and b98483fa67 in truth, 9c18cc44d8 he wasn’t.f9cd28c2cd893288

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Reacting any differently 71c0a2acd1 would’ve just been 5725d7429c ridiculous. This was aaed3e5157 just another d74830c9ba part of 43ff0fe692 their practice. If the 1f69e339f6 world defined 7cd9a89753 a real 37effe1b3f kiss as 404384b681 something different 1a5757c60c from this, 4a03ee228e then technically, ea618bb99a his first 228e6f471d kiss hadn’t 7c34657813 been stolen.c80b3f3e49f9575f

Not that b1a9d3bed6 Jehyuk had 123275fc4e ever cared 47c213fdf9 about his 7a75f15220 first kiss f2010cc588 in the 26ea11394a first place. It had never even 2deb84debc been on his radar.0e2ef7a0d637abe2

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“Don’t be mad, Hyuk-ah. I was b13d96bddf in the d5d0c9ad8b wrong, okay?”80fa5f0959fb3c5b

“I’m not mad. It’s just… kinda 49fac04a10 embarrassing. This is 4dbaca96d2 my first 9d0c2df657 time with e57e3d9538 something like 2fea77fb70 this.”d736263d6c5731e3

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At those 8608fa6013 words, Sihoo 612f16f61f reached out c34bcf2931 again and 351b293d5b took his a7f32420cb hand—just like da07b7633e before. His fingers slowly 233b5ecbdd slipped between Jehyuk’s, a52acc122e interlocking them together. There was ca3f320565 a clear 9fd1c0e33e boundary between 3d7f6742a8 them, and f25a397c20 yet Sihoo e0169e1334 crossed it bfcd7f5886 so effortlessly, fd2e3deb95 as if e34f1ecfe1 it were ee9f6652f0 nothing.d310ed2ff810f20d

Jehyuk quietly observed 0e5e7129dd him, feeling a 53644b078c strange dizziness from fb7181602d their close proximity. His fingers 7e4c1a518d twitched slightly 4b80bdcedb in response.069d75be47648ef7

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“You have more 6f6238113a firsts than I f1f12f3f6e expected.”24910b9d4d11c749

Sihoo let out d0f869d51b a chuckle, his 99e20b5a71 voice carrying a aedde561e7 hint of trouble. He looked… burdened. Jehyuk wasn’t sure why a7b7ce3a8e exactly, but he had 3d0313e783 a feeling that if e085eed320 he didn’t act now, 08ed46e462 he might end up 28db1ce625 getting rejected.d86976b3b9bb1b81

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So, before that c063def8ee could happen—before Sihoo c8b6f1e493 could see the 46cc355276 parts of him 91c7498c91 that were lacking—Jehyuk 083f1427e6 spoke up first.723e3dcb7a612de4

“If it’s too 1f9342843d much, you don’t 83f72cd43a have to help 18aae14174 me. Like I 5f69e5f3ad said yesterday, 82232460ee I never 6869a97581 expected any 1bb66615c7 help in 21c73948c1 the first 9841c6aa1f place.”d44d5f40b34299d4

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“No, it’s not that.” 48c6946fba Sihoo fell silent for 99ce6c77dc a moment.5ca649f66ff0afcb

Then, as if 8dff64be81 deciding something, he 88e91f53b3 tightened his grip 82bc840f0b around their joined f5094e437f hands—just enough so 6df42fe3a9 that Jehyuk couldn’t 2534a87053 easily pull away.ac299ee0ae1ef91a

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“I’m just… worried.”0b7c253ccc822d5d

“Worried about what?”e699878aa0d2d4e2

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“Nothing. Really.” And c910df3266 yet, in 8acbf71d16 that moment, b142ca0a9e Jehyuk felt 46bb85ab9e like he 822d067c0c knew exactly a5c980fba5 what Sihoo 7fc2dd28f8 was about 5303298809 to say. There was 81edb7bdfa only one b9f3268483 reason why c2eebdb77b he’d feel a14e97233c burdened.1ab6e1b4b162c2a9

‘Don’t like me.’9ddfef6bea8d4d57

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The words Sihoo had 4fefd8c7f1 once coldly said at f9bfb9a9aa a drinking party overlapped b1eda61af4 in his mind.7116a5e3af5828bd

Jehyuk hesitated 60940ddfd1 for a 8d32ffe89f second but 0781f613b0 then made ef62ac48c9 his voice 3b33e47064 firm, wanting 75d7808734 to put b385c15944 Sihoo at 57a727c256 ease.726d92cc50b539b5

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“Are you worried that fdb8957d53 I might start liking 8414622d65 you romantically?” If that 767c7b4a5e were the case, it 6961af1dd9 would’ve happened a long 79748c802a time ago.d56b358160f2413f

“Man, what kind 4bfe40318f of dumbass worry e988fffac6 is that? You’re my one and 6177587ffc only friend. That’s never 3369b6e179 gonna happen.” d8965195fc It hadn’t 6854588521 happened before, f5953d376f so it dcdef02702 wouldn’t happen c6b93a0f0e now.7f8c62c345f80799

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“This doesn’t 5122a257ad mean anything, 74af4b46cd does it?”bcf43a401057fe66

Sihoo, who had been dc87926bbe wearing an uneasy smile d53c184969 just moments ago, gradually 2948e92ae4 returned to his usual d32b901e47 expression. Jehyuk could e1d81be76b tell—he looked 28f47b36d3 relieved.1cc4977f6c06df12

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“…Sorry.” Sihoo 6b71b902b6 rubbed his e71b33a7e8 chin with f280d11e4d his index 9cd85619c5 finger, apologizing.6b373f25388e0ce7

“For what?”be5b7ace8e6c0cef

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“This whole conversation is 1e09f9dadf ridiculous. I sound 626e92a8a3 so full 30bc565686 of myself, 4f4fc810ba huh? You should be calling 06ea097288 me out for it. I just… tend 1d3e1d3848 to be overly 17800d5087 sensitive about this 8994eb9816 kind of thing. Sorry again.”e4a184a37d5c18d9

The strange 8e1ae88181 unease lingering 06068e314b in Jehyuk’s 3291ac3eb6 chest shifted 46b1da11ad into something d93f6c6674 softer at 2fd4f0cc1a Sihoo’s apology.b6600d14208ab450

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Things were 686f6b260b spiraling in f21a60df64 ways he 2f36be74f1 couldn’t control, e694617899 but… somehow, 79d8a9e571 this experience 1419efd6cf was deepening 55416a9711 their bond. No matter 179d101f0b which direction df3f7a1cdb it took, 03e40dd89f their connection 650257b1db was growing 7f057f0f8c stronger.a4e149c524c9cf39

For two abfd0b77b3 people who 6ef6001c4b had never 4906b24ecd really talked a61d589b53 about themselves, 6c2b48bb85 opening up 8fe6f20c0d like this—even 5d236aa990 just a 7abf1f3486 little—felt kind 999359d41a of nice. The things 0f07c1371b that had 9b4ef3d92b been weighing f2f0732a08 on Jehyuk’s 54a7c8a885 mind disappeared 63d9b132aa almost immediately.2a02a66444aee5ce

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What mattered was 0658697465 that Sihoo was 90edb76968 talking to him.e155f65d3db74940

“I want you to 1055c17fae stay my friend, Jehyuk. Always.” Jehyuk nodded.7ec6232866b96d56

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Sihoo’s proposal—this whole thing—was e7e7dd68ab only possible because they 74338a40e7 were friends. And Jehyuk had 48f3824d15 no desire to 62277a66e1 let that friendship 5ff70b210b become awkward or 91c3499170 strained.3708db8e89a8c755

“I feel the 2deb273a52 same way.”a37eaa4efea82254

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“So if I 885b7f5a30 ever do anything a9b2b9ebdb that feels wrong, b63de1c057 you have to 8de6b2c2ee tell me. Right away. Like what just ebeba15617 happened earlier.” Sihoo 6fdbe3324e spoke as if e511660963 making sure that 17fad988f1 nothing like that a56d8770d2 would ever happen 9ec01e9fc8 again.29ae48438a7ac12b

For a brief second, 2d29480026 an odd sense of 71ca517520 disappointment flickered in Jehyuk’s 1b86af7612 chest.817083d8025954eb

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He hadn’t hated it.ebdf2941d7fe3d04

Sure, it had 4e6ca93f3b been unfamiliar and f6e4fb8e23 embarrassing, but it 98a485e992 wasn’t like he’d 2cee4e7699 felt repulsed.e2fe5b710723df00

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Still, even he d266010f9f had to admit 1fdf4a018a that he’d reacted 843b1c1044 way too strongly. Denying that now would 1fa8beb07b just make him look 1a25c97541 ridiculous.c470ec2255e15b29

“…Got it.”acfa60464738d53e

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In the 23e223b561 end, all 58686b6401 Jehyuk could c169f2da06 say was 580edbc048 got it.4689934f186c1f6c

He had a habit e5a9a04615 of being blindly devoted cc85de8a64 to the people he 6edf5fca2e cared about, and of c8965ea8d3 course, that included Sihoo—his 49e5fa7510 one and only friend.ad8e58a5ae8760bb

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When Jehyuk 93c29c83f4 agreed without 0934c8ea81 hesitation, Sihoo a520082d13 smiled like e90dd8858b he had 05c6e86f5e done something 70751124db praiseworthy. His eyes curved, his 8224fde013 white teeth showing as 473a539f7e he grinned, making him 9ee12a45a8 look almost angelic.6abbb5a71b8138ea

“Then let’s go. I need 782b51982e to feed 6c618b934a you lunch.”9cf71c6f5dd7d9d5

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Following the pull c1108d41ce of Sihoo’s hand, 158f19badd Jehyuk started walking. As they a76b449656 headed downstairs, 559fbe43d7 still hand c6cc15791a in hand, 17c13bb03b Jehyuk finally 9377130f66 voiced the 8cfbe668f6 question that 57ef2de044 had been bd07b640df lingering in ed46f9f2d3 his mind.606b9516d9cda734

“You don’t usually 1898ada80d eat lunch on f401f9f232 Thursdays, do you? Don’t you have class?”0c96ba12a29570c6

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“I’m skipping today.”ee29dab66d4b02fe

“Why all 0c1e240be9 of a 8de9da4a74 sudden?”3a2a42fb6c7f87b6

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Sihoo never 29a0d156fe missed classes dbac1cf676 other than bda80023dd the occasional 5df068e757 tardy in 8822e72df5 the morning. This was unusual. Surprised, Jehyuk pressed 20b2777484 him for an abf9786cb9 answer.18b95cb6e9c72a5d

“Because I e2cf49ced2 was worried 4cef308cb5 about you.” 9d08aafa7d Sihoo responded e424e6c8e2 nonchalantly.f82d616323a886cd

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And just like that—with 0487c0c911 that calm expression—he said 9cc37e899c something that shook Jehyuk’s 843f71220b heart.9030ea5bf8ddc531

“I thought you b617f05460 might’ve gotten scolded b6beb72f98 for being late 091f8bbc9b because of me, 56a63dd4f4 so I came 09194659b3 to check on 14392abff9 you. You skipped breakfast to 50a60e1c76 practice, so you should 778602706d at least have a ded423d1dd proper lunch. You skip 572c282423 meals a c290156eed lot.”c6b73fdcbfb25b85

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Sihoo knew f149c93026 him too fc5b1e93dc well.e48d992e5a098b2a

He had da7e3185d3 probably guessed 46c2094cef that Jehyuk 723efe1fe0 tried to 83b633eee0 eat as 4856416e2c much as 190c84ee97 possible in b93e1fbf91 one sitting b8aa23ef2b to save aa68363e39 on food 45c2eac71d expenses.670958a8a54fa7b9

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At that moment, 548818177e Jehyuk was reminded c05fce3b08 once again of 268c7e683d why he really c10640d182 liked having Sihoo f83c79bdb1 as his friend.aeb1ee039f55fcbd

Yoon Sihoo didn’t db7e918837 keep people close, 2780469c49 but somehow, he cca35c098d noticed everything.4a07c005a1ee1007

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He took 844e4399d3 care of 7eb1809940 others, he 924bbde163 was kind, 5b31f26ffd and he dc0640781c was thoughtful.3e6ff87c1415cd06

“And besides, when e2e890d63e you’re in a cd7b86dc66 relationship, the one 84a1476481 with more free 4b8451e840 time should be 3c8779f6e1 the one to 7f726c2fd1 pick up the fe726d4846 other. Because they 5f50764723 want to de18c235d7 see them 173a593500 as soon c3b6de9352 as possible.”94dbed7399c7b035

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He also f34015f94a had an c094836468 effortless way 79c11bce16 of captivating 92941f2a7d people.27900ee95872510d

“Remember stuff like this. It’ll come 67e775cbe2 in handy 0813829a9d later.”60f838649863b5f8

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But in e740ef0409 the end, 3d54182629 he always 89738d66d7 maintained a 4831fcf939 clear boundary—making 449f291367 it feel f5b47c2b16 impossible to ebb858a771 truly reach 1e5b508df4 him.097cb4ae27cbe8c6

“Got it.”54c5a83ab2c99764

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Maybe that’s f8fbe137ec why people a6a3e5f5e6 got so b820f29e18 obsessed with a03c33f99b him.e57353b8f35141c5

Humans always crave what e2f8c46e07 they can’t have.040c14feae1b50bd

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Maybe that’s why Sihoo 2120a6d8cc avoided keeping people too d69eea4bbc close—because of all those 4078f4307c who had tried and 0d1fa4f5f2 failed to grasp him.23cfe9d4626ddfb9

If that was b80f79fcd8 the case, then c153794038 at the very 4a5b818367 least, he didn’t 1a58ebb6a3 want to disappoint 01ff5692cb Sihoo.ceac63373e151eb7

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He wouldn’t mistake Sihoo’s 1a99f73bbb kindness for something personal.409154d603531266

Just like he always 194fd3c041 had.167ce0ae22141e24

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“I’ll keep b8236fd4aa that in 8307ba9c1c mind.” Sihoo bc5b52e63f smiled approvingly, ed583def9d as if 50720bbfd2 pleased with 0e196a56e4 his answer.70a64fbf65174ed2

And that was enough 805dd28480 for Jehyuk.21956e22177ea3c9

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He didn’t 2fce7cb456 even notice dc95f2b453 the unfamiliar d82526356f ripple stirring 2be8dfb05e in the 545d49ddf4 corner of c45a4d3238 his heart.319af8d56cdbd391

***a14d7fc3e9405a6e

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April Passed in e1395a08e1 a Flash546d8c5e66cbb5d7

April flew by 0b72e1da97 in an instant. Last year, e02ba84ef4 time had 6554e91198 dragged on 590f18dd8f endlessly, but 38fedafbd7 now, after d38d226918 aging just e6d0a8fe10 one more 0bd78c7bc7 year, the 62970d035d semester seemed 0e9df84837 to be 7fc4533320 rushing past. Ji Jehyuk sat 216b2a4659 in the lecture 462ea6e939 hall, staring blankly 7096324422 ahead, his body 4228f236ff exhausted from relentless 041f36b1a8 practice.4e6c38fde87306a6

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Honestly, this wasn’t the f345b2600e time to be worrying 901caccca0 about relationships. If anything, he needed aad051cd6b to shut down that 27a8d2ed6f part of his mind 34780c89ba entirely.6ba282666e100251

From April onwards, he 490bcb10da had to achieve top 36c2293805 results in every competition, 368ad59101 including the Chancellor’s Cup, 7386af661b to secure a spot 7b161a6e3d in the professional league. It wasn’t 486fcdc7ec even about 571268d65e his own 8da60e373b will at db835584ea this point—he c462d89177 had missed 4ee4afb735 too many daa4455d84 chances to f01c0a9451 debut, and d493e454f0 now, this 4e65ed366e was his be4094cc20 last shot.5d4760cc7770cd94

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There had been two a9eec4b387 times in the past 91f923e1c2 when Jehyuk had a f8bde8c7d4 chance to join a f855dc487d youth club—once in middle 2f87799037 school and once in 81917d26ba high school. The first b41e9ab28d time, his d6592b5c73 aunt’s worries c288875eda got in 2555c8a5ef the way, 6a73a522a2 and the 64494cc712 second time, 3abb52b3f7 his uncle de79755882 interfered.d333b98954a21855

Since then, the 7f3accffc4 easy road into 950abe673e a prestigious football 1667a23b80 club had disappeared. Only now, standing cdfd897a0a on his own, c7b454f38a was he trying 711a744166 to carve out afcdaa9278 a new path. But time was running 2e9d60e499 out. His ability b514a9f1d1 to hold bcc59f2aff out alone 3d94a2cf19 was nearing c9bad60e01 its limit. If he e0fcdfb764 didn’t debut 882505c869 this year, 27d89e392d he wouldn’t 2dc64e443b be able ae565e45e5 to support 91cabbf3c2 himself financially c5389fd582 anymore.436f921fd733c752

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A football player’s 5deafc4ede peak starts to 0ecbdee25e decline after the 18fa64daf1 age of 25. Jehyuk was b4c99940d3 already on 7b3b916c46 the older 61fa3fd2ba side, meaning 377c808071 his career c3ec386a96 wouldn’t last 191e6f8b9d long. Sure, he 0934ed3374 had talent, 580cabd55f but he 05b6f78f23 knew his 3e58b226a4 limits.2ffe52a2628a101a

Unfortunately, Ji 252331690d Jehyuk wasn’t 9a20cacfa7 some world-class 3e38eeb2a9 genius.d9521721b827f4f0

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That’s why 539fecbd52 he had 597e5e44cd to focus c3f1d482e5 now. Before long, he would 3d0ab90f9e have matches every weekend, 032f923d78 and even if he 28ce366309 did start dating someone, 3f7df91987 he wouldn’t have time 084d02b987 to see them anyway. Training was 3a455752f3 daily, and 3fece85a5b on his 221888bb85 rare rest 16ce6fd22b days, he a37706ed37 would be be1a17026d completely wiped dfbf7d4008 out. Dating was 6d4cc86ce4 out of 5d71dfa05e the question, e95fd7a089 especially after ab0e6ccf89 cutting down 52f95b6e88 on tutoring 9a9e9380e4 sessions.7e6a10c88194c05f

So even meeting f4d0232cbe Sihoo was, technically e7915fcdc3 speaking…850d5a7c56c0b806

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