TL | Chapter 40 | Can I Sleep with You?

The entire car ride back from the aquarium, Seowon was silent, lost in thought. Iden’s words kept replaying in his head—“You’re the light to me.” It wouldn’t leave his mind, especially after their conversation about the light illuminating the water earlier. Iden had said that in pitch-black darkness, everything would have seemed terrifying, but the blue light made it beautiful.

Did he mean his own life was like a dark underwater world? Maybe he was overthinking it, but the thought lingered, amplified by the fact that Iden was involved with the mafia.

Maybe Iden hadn’t wanted to become part of the mafia either. Like his older brother, he might have initially rebelled, resisted. But unlike his brother, Iden was younger, and as a minor, he likely hadn’t had a choice.

Perhaps Ha Seowon was the light for him in the midst of a life forced upon him—a life he’d had no say in, and that’s why he clung so hard, even traveling back and forth from America to Korea for him.

The more he tried to guess at the life Iden had led, the heavier Seowon’s heart grew. Until now, he’d only felt uneasy, even uncomfortable, with the different version of Iden before him. It was natural to be uneasy with Mafia Iden. He looked at him with colder eyes than his brother had, and even his kind words sometimes carried a chilling undertone.

Moreover, his overwhelming possessiveness was unsettling, as if he saw Seowon as an object that was his. It was unpleasant at times.

Everything about him was fundamentally different from Iden-hyung, who had graduated college and led a normal office life. This Iden was in a position where his words could move people, and his choices could impact the lives—sometimes even the survival—of those working at Luciano Company.

In hindsight, he was in a position that required coldness. The ten years he’d spent growing up as the mafia heir had been long enough to change anyone’s personality.

That’s what made it hard to accept. The “Iden” he remembered was so different that even sharing the same face and voice felt almost poisonous. If they didn’t look so alike, he might have been able to perceive him as a completely different person. But seeing that familiar face every time he opened his eyes only added to the confusion.

He kept wavering, no matter how much he tried to tell himself they were different people, that this Iden could never be Iden-hyung. And he hated himself for it. He felt guilty, as if he were betraying Iden-hyung.

Yet his heart refused to follow his logic. At some point, he had stopped rejecting him.

Were they, at their core, the same? Was that why he was drawn to him?

The more his thoughts tangled, the heavier his heart felt, as if he were just making excuses for himself.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?”

When they arrived at the parking lot, Iden had acted as if he hadn’t noticed anything, but after Min left, he finally asked. Seowon looked at him in silence.

Iden. Jung Iden. Iden de Luciano.

How should he define him? No matter how he named him, the man standing in front of him wouldn’t become someone else.

“Starting from tonight…”

He parted his lips, but his mind was still a mess. He felt almost insane for saying what he was about to say.

When he didn’t finish his sentence immediately, Iden tilted his head slightly, looking curious about what he wanted to say. Seowon took a quiet breath and met his gaze.

“Can I sleep with you?”

Even he felt like he’d gone crazy. But he was done denying it, done putting up walls.

It was meaningless anyway. Like Iden had said, the person standing in front of him wasn’t the dead; it was each other. He didn’t want to lose this person too, so he resolved to stay by his side. Perhaps his heart had already made that choice long ago.

Iden didn’t answer right away, narrowing his eyes as he looked at Seowon, as if pondering what he was up to with this sudden request.

“Saying I want to sleep next to you doesn’t mean I’m talking about sex, it’s just…” he fumbled. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, and he worried that Iden might misunderstand, though honestly, he couldn’t deny that sex might be part of it, so he found it hard to clarify.

“I just… want to be close to you,” he finally admitted. No excuses, no pushing him away. He wanted to be close, even if it was just for one minute or one second longer. The thought of losing him again made him unwilling to part.

“What’s gotten into you?” Iden asked, a strange expression on his face.

“If you don’t want to, forget it,” Seowon muttered, embarrassed, and turned away. But Iden quickly reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to. I’m just suspicious about what you’re thinking, that’s all.”

Even though he’d only asked to stay by his side, Iden remained suspicious. That was the distance between them now.

Could that distance be bridged? Just as it had been with Iden-hyung, could it be bridged with this man too…?

As Seowon looked at him thoughtfully, Iden, who had been meeting his gaze, reached out with his free hand to gently hold Seowon’s chin.

“Look at me like that, and I won’t be able to hold back,” he murmured, moving closer. Rather than pulling away, Seowon closed his eyes, surrendering to the closing distance.

Warmth brushed against his lips, a gentle touch that came and went, before Iden’s tongue parted his lips. He accepted it without resistance, and Iden softly intertwined their tongues, exploring every corner of his mouth. When their lips finally parted, just as he thought he might catch his breath, Iden wrapped his hand around the back of his head, pulling him in so there was no space left between them, and their lips met once more. His deep kiss was overwhelming, leaving Seowon gasping as he pushed weakly at Iden’s shoulders.

“Enough…”

Though he’d tried to push him away, Iden didn’t let go. They managed to separate their lips only slightly, and Seowon, breathless, shook his head. Only then did Iden pull back with a faint smile.

“Shame,” he murmured, genuinely sounding disappointed as he gave Seowon an appreciative once-over, his gaze brimming with desire. Seowon frowned slightly.

“Shouldn’t the person who insists on treating me like an invalid be the last one saying things like that?”

“That’s exactly why I’m disappointed,” Iden replied with a smirk, placing his hands on Seowon’s shoulders and leaning in, his face so close they might kiss again. Seowon instinctively pulled back.

“You come to my bed of your own will, yet I can’t do a thing,” he said. Though Seowon had agreed to share his bed, the way he put it was so blunt that Seowon frowned, causing Iden to place a quick kiss on his forehead.

“Get well soon,” he said softly, smiling warmly, but the gentle wish sent a strange chill down Seowon’s spine. Would it mean something entirely different when the fracture healed, bringing a new level of strain to his body?

“Now I’m rethinking this…” he mumbled, frowning, but Iden pretended not to hear, turning to lead the way. Watching his retreating figure, Seowon slowly followed.

Why was it? His heart felt noticeably lighter than when he had first arrived here, even lighter than before they left the aquarium. It felt like a massive weight that had been pressing on his heart had shattered and scattered like dust in the wind.

**

Though he was the one who had said he wanted to sleep together, standing in front of Iden’s bedroom made him feel tense. Having spent most of his time in the study, he found Iden’s bedroom unfamiliar.

After his gunshot injury, Iden had insisted he use the bedroom, but he’d stubbornly refused. In the end, Iden had reluctantly given in, sighing and setting up a bed in the study for him. Before that, he’d refused to put a bed in the study, thinking that Seowon would eventually come to the bedroom if sleeping on the sofa got too uncomfortable.

When he’d fractured his bone, he’d refused Iden’s offer yet again, thinking it was excessive. Now, just changing his mind had him standing at his bedroom door, ready to open it.

If he’d known this would happen, he might as well have taken the bedroom when he was injured. Then, they wouldn’t have had to go through the hassle of buying a bed for the study.

The memory of Iden grumbling that the bed’s cost would be deducted from his paycheck made him chuckle. For someone who had more than enough money, he likely wasn’t bothered by the expense—it was more about not liking the idea of putting a bed in the study.

In his own quiet way, Iden had been waiting, believing that Seowon would eventually return to this bedroom. He never pushed or pressured but just waited for Seowon to open the door himself. Knowing that gave Seowon the courage to finally take that step.

Opening the door, he found Iden sitting on the edge of the bed, freshly showered, dressed only in a robe, and towel-drying his wet hair. His legs were slightly spread, and the robe was open just enough that with a small move, more might have been revealed.

He glanced that way instinctively, quickly averting his gaze when he realized it. Catching Seowon’s reaction, Iden grinned.

“There’s no need to sneak a peek. If you want, I’ll show you anytime.”