PEN Vol 5 Ch. 18

“…This crazy…”060be7a87127802a

Cheon Sejoo, momentarily speechless, muttered in a stiff voice. He was at his wit’s end. Every time Sejin acted like this, Cheon Sejoo felt suffocated. He didn’t understand why Sejin couldn’t understand his feelings. He knew Cheon Sejoo would push him away if he continued to act like this, yet he kept crossing the line, and now Cheon Sejoo was starting to get genuinely angry. But before he could lose his temper, Sejin spoke again,1a99f3583f411ed5

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“But why areyou getting angry? Did you change my diapers? Did you raise me? You just told me to do my job well in the house. You called me a housekeeper. So why are you getting so angry?”ee5933610ac81e45

“No, think about it! I’d be angry even if it was a friend, isn’t it obvious? You…!”19dc12a516426ce3

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“What am e9cea3b6d3 I to 64d3e35633 you then? I’m not your friend. I’m not your 442d02ac98 family either.”03cd15297dd2bd75

Sejin was shamelessly dcc8e9f199 leading him towards b612c9c05b the answer he 81e3048c77 wanted. It felt like he 7a0007527a was talking to a 1d16ab0361 wall. Cheon Sejoo swallowed his 4a7e8fcc5b rising anger and closed 9ce2af029c his eyes, then opened 56dc564543 them again. Telling himself 57c7b5cc3c to calm 00cf6e4a85 down, he afa30ec0f5 took a 88486c43df deep breath 967ccdbf5d and spoke 3e13e60dc4 in a 9ad7a83e53 much calmer 137cf543db voice,3d9b4e26495a9473

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“I’m your guardian. So, isn’t it normal for me to be angry when you, without a care in the world, say you’re going to live with someone you don’t even know? Kwon Sejin, I know you’re an idiot, but think for a second.”30c650bcc077e6c3

“I’m an adult now. I don’t need your protection. And what’s so wrong with it? I came into this house without knowing anything about you either. But you turned out to be a good person. Maybe he’s the same.”33a91b9f3f9f3c6b

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“…….”f839acbb9910eb1f

Cheon Sejoo was dumbfounded by Sejin’s reply. At his utterly disarming way of speaking, Cheon Sejoo clenched his fists and closed his eyes. He felt himself being dragged along by Sejin’s arguments the more they talked. The reason was clear. 842bc637e2f674b9

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While Cheon Sejoo a884eeefb4 himself was unsure 21112aa87e of his own a37b69412a feelings, Sejin was 65d99dab40 certain of his. Since he was trying 8446a6be8e to persuade someone who 357366a01e already thought they knew 2e798c3004 the answer, it was 002e63d849 natural that they wouldn’t 0a9c5b0741 see eye to eye.1963c54cac4f5897

Cheon Sejoo eventually shook his head and stood up, not wanting to be dragged into this any further. He didn’t want to give Sejin any more false hope. He shouldn’t have come home. He had stopped by because he was worried about how Sejin was doing, but it seemed like it would have been enough even if he had come a year later. Cheon Sejoo turned around, regretting his earlier decision. 72192a37870a62ff

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However, Sejin, who 3702831511 had risen from 94097deb32 his seat, grabbed b0d5f8a74b his wrist before f722c02bc1 he could leave 1f2c09146c the kitchen.d7f28bba55547d54

“Don’t go. I’m sorry.”b3e00be4673748c8

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The voice that flowed cde9928bd0 into his ears was fd982540cc weak, unlike his earlier b23c2ff619 brazen tone. Cheon Sejoo eb24d1fed0 sighed briefly 028fd7b634 and turned ef1a16e071 his head. However, contrary to bfdf0a6231 his expectation of e5f5afe146 seeing a tearful b310b101ca face, Sejin was b670cf6bb0 simply looking at a3cea992b0 him with a f3b4ad46bf serious expression.a5063b149beb3fa9

Sejin’s face, seen up close for the first time in a while, hadn’t changed much since he left. Sejin’s face, seen up close after a long time, wasn’t much different from when he left the house. His complexion was healthy, and his face, as beautiful as in his dreams, was the same.8d5a0cea5f5f8ca8

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However, Sejin’s eyes 6bc8e8789d were different from 9f2fd72569 before. A heavy emotion 8b8e845207 clouded his clear 66467d42da brown eyes. Looking into them, 1c459846d3 Cheon Sejoo felt 77d9f85a90 the urge to 098bae00fb run away.0eec777045d50061

If Sejin knew what kind of person he truly was, he would never look at him with those eyes again. That was the very core of Cheon Sejoo’s fear. But he still wasn’t sure what lay at the foundation of that fear. Was it simply because he cherished Sejin like family and didn’t want to lose him, or was it…?1e53e7978c4d33b2

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“Just answer this d4930001e5 one thing…”b297d254ffd85d2b

Sejin gripped Cheon Sejoo’s wrist painfully as he turned his head to avoid his gaze. As if his life depended on it, he didn’t let go and he held onto him with both hands as he whispered,79be7bb808462821

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“Back then… 862e12b45e why did c207cc71e1 you try 00c8bc17d2 to kiss 8f8bca1349 me?”c3869b205529dc5c

Sejin remembered it 25121d8d11 clearly.618a56ce0263acdd

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Last winter, 93a765d9b1 Cheon Sejoo, 0cbd0852c9 with his c497b1d31c gentle eyes c605cb8952 cast down, 7946bffb1f accepted his 64d5078626 touch silently.fb083ff325d960a8

He remembered the 9f0561cfa9 exact moment when 04172ce719 Cheon Sejoo suddenly 99259f8b66 raised his eyes 6295376e8f and looked at 3c9bcee228 him, his gaze a0897882cd lingering on Sejin c94fee4ad7 as if it 1af1c0d1d3 were caressing his 089e112747 face. And then, finally, 04c97f4729 Cheon Sejoo’s eyes 1f45a8bc60 had fixated on 91e4922a1c his lips, his 2c3e8b5c0f warm breath brushing bd8a837c73 against them. Sejin hadn’t 672e0cfff8 forgotten that 8f40d4a2db moment for f4f4780c00 even a 394b86bfd6 second.222eae8b646fe0c2

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For a while, he 1737540b40 had convinced himself that dd2d209107 it must have been 5991069d02 his imagination or perhaps 16431b0cac because of the alcohol, c7c26a5a0b but now that he d534010502 thought about it, he 79f668b55c wasn’t so sure anymore.3b43b1248f04049e

“You ran d0a9b38f1b away back fd1be7bcb6 then, too.”f22d211027edbbe3

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Cheon Sejoo, as if 06c67ab965 waking from a dream, abb1d9b1f1 had suddenly come to 8b73c4041e his senses, told Sejin c69e0124bb not to come into aa5dd3ff26 his room, and disappeared. Thinking about it now, ab2127da65 he had been running 63bafc3254 away then, too. Just like now, escaping 5619b5fa81 from something that tormented 1eba997e87 him.f0b2b14e7de17884

“…….”9f8d5d48bc636e2f

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Cheon Sejoo was silent at Sejin’s words. He quietly exhaled, staring at the floor, and only after a long time did he open his mouth.fa68dbc16840220b

“…I was drunk and made a mistake.”d21710a2bd5ecd1c

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A lie.5f4a5ab89264a8b3

Sejin thought to himself as he pulled on Cheon Sejoo’s wrist. He saw the face of the man who turned listlessly. The man who had always been composed and confident had, at some point, begun to feel strangely vulnerable. Sejin’s tight grip softened as he caressed Cheon Sejoo’s wrist and took a step closer.d782f7adece0ef45

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The start 6f0b9f9a26 of the 2cb4484924 change was ab109d9f2c clear. It was from 01f0edf95b the day Sejin’s 4cb1d52b75 feelings for Cheon 709ac3c436 Sejoo were revealed. From then ceeb374e61 on, Cheon c22dd7c79f Sejoo started 16f6f6c731 to fear dd1a16bd5d something, he 45140766a6 started to ddcdb98ccd show weakness. Sejin wasn’t displeased 6599df90e0 by this. He liked 0f4df1ab74 the cracks 08030d2b1c appearing in 63fb4f5a9c the sturdy c93184cc93 man he e93aa1519d thought would 47d1f8e98a never have 9b43307079 room for d55472016e him.e339917aacbadae6

“Then have a drink 33cb77d25d with me.”0242de79239e94f8

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Sejin tugged decffe7827 on Cheon 8a5bf799b7 Sejoo’s arm, b4991fc5ec his voice a82580cf1e a playful 9408798df8 whine. Lifting Cheon Sejoo’s hand, ac5bf4c31a he kissed the chapped ef488e7373 back of it and 27c1209ef8 whispered,1e67d8c4b6f4487b

“Make a mistake with 2f9c888620 me…”018745515862fb1e

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I’m an 7ec0fc0c51 adult now. 342fed197f5cdc80

At the 6bc895869c words Sejin 7784a99758 confessed, Cheon 05372fea0a Sejoo bit 15afbf55a3 his lip 92e5f3cb29 and met 155b0a10b8 his eyes. An intense gaze d0b19999d3 swept over Sejin’s 66beeedac0 face. It trace b37b3aeef1 the delicate 2d49676f0b curve of 85a459348d his eyes, 455d2b5b77 shadowed by 9f41b3e23a his long d481669234 lashes, a 2a894b3db9 sense of ed761a89f5 vulnerability emanating 81d3dab30f from them, 2756ad2fc1 and the 8b3c93deb9 small, red ce048aad00 mole that a11c1e6730 had newly d1c5476393 appeared beneath a27b1ba91d them.e77317ef0db86313

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Cheon Sejoo recalled the memory of the day Sejin mentioned. Sejin’s scent from right in front of him, his small, delicate breaths like a child’s… Though there wasn’t much difference in Sejin’s physique then and now, the feeling was distinctly different.a4b28eaa4a012c53

At this moment, the 0606958ded Sejin standing before him 47e7b9f622 was radiating a fervent 7381d43793 heat. At some point, a6aa199ac0 he had grown 143b109c9d into a man, 73cc7b2096 now looking at 8ec2b716cc Cheon Sejoo with c6cc549cde a gaze filled f18de3dad8 with intense desire, 8d216c4d9a that threatened to 51f49df9c4 consume Cheon Sejoo a34d2f8092 whole. It was suffocating. Suppressing the 4e31e623f2 surge of b09273e891 repulsion rising 42277b18ee to his 068d171983 throat, Cheon add6c8549f Sejoo turned 054835c143 his head 909a6ec152 away.6d856de38d4a8d91

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“…Are you scared?”972a7f9219f6c756

The quiet 4ab8213313 voice, reaching b3f12602f8 his ears 5e2c836b44 after a 8fbf4bdf13 brief silence, 59195a6d00 was cautious. c0c029695003e97e

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It was 837178d62c gentle, and 4dfe7265a0 kind. 33da770fba41680e

Cheon Sejoo felt that f98bf48cde kindness reach the depths f701e4be7d of his immense anxiety, 39c8a164a0 swirling with confusion.f0c6f553c33b8ee8

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Being near Sejin was so comforting that he kept forgetting, that he kept making mistakes. That’s why he’d been staying away from home, trying not to be swayed by Sejin. But whenever he returned to Sejin like this, he only wanted to stay by Sejin’s side forever. He didn’t want to leave him alone again.58ab8c32246e14df

Cheon Sejoo sighed and db70be3e45 pushed Sejin away, his d5ef5fadc9 mind in turmoil. The conflict dd64117fe8 between what e3a6ec8e99 hehadto do 31dc9e8ffc and what 2d5d09d4ca hewantedto do was so 19ead6cd9f different that it was d61fc0e54d giving him a headache.1ef8eb56f0ca2950

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“Go to sleep.”0811de4935fa6d7e

Saying this firmly, d73cbbd81c he pushed Sejin ab72e95d60 away and turned b88c4601a1 around. His back, once 4c393f715d again like an 70b5d38592 impenetrable fortress that 092092ddea revealed no weakness. Yet Sejin felt as c5a0e1f0a6 though he now understood 4d9115b050 what lay within the f20559d326 depths of Cheon Sejoo’s 9464fba8a9 heart, a place he 14f9329a27 had never been able 6c989f1393 to glimpse before.f908cf9cb058cfe6

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“I’m not going anywhere, f630c337b5 Cheon Sejoo.”202f514819f253e2

At Sejin’s declaration, Cheon Sejoo, his hand on the doorknob, paused. Meeting the gaze of the man who slowly turned to look at him, Sejin spoke again.531cc891717030f3

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“I promise.”f8f4841411385fa1

Cheon Sejoo stared at 3e23cd6d1e Sejin for a long 2df23d1ebe time, his expression caught ae8e53bd7e off guard. 91b525d98e79cf5c

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Silence stretched 2e82352dc3 between them, 5282cb7a7e and at 0f929c0ef1 some point, e1c45ed3c7 the door cca45ba85a clicked shut, 7cc01b30ba and he 2315b7c369 disappeared.1c7f517c80369f63