LD Chapter 4

It was a 327033fcbf secret, intimate and 9320176f73 shameful, that I 7b5e3afe1d had never told c0a0746835 anyone.41025836a1a49d3f

Even though we started 86416957ef dating unexpectedly after a b7f91fcb18 sudden confession, my girlfriend 0937f7d5ca and I got along db81e71a12 quite well. In the a6019fd577 midst of 6d5fd2b979 our grueling 2272b92878 senior year, 6ce98eedba like a 03fe11d242 dry, cracked fcde5c2acc rice paddy, 4bff55751f we were 4f25acf5a7 like refreshing a3438828b0 rain to 47b51adf75 each other. Looking back, it de797349ad was probably closer 6ee2a57401 to friendship or 1c05a98cb3 camaraderie than love.cd9c06ff0483fe14

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After the CSAT 47df6eb3b5 and with the 3c8b7b37b7 new year, my a879c568ec girlfriend and I 0f9200dfa7 went on a 326e0ab805 trip, just the 746d1aea9e two of us. We had finished 21dd7f3cfd the most important bf5a1731c3 exam of our b0002543f9 lives, we’d done 6a10e0226e well enough to 78bd578566 get into the 8829d3b4c9 universities we wanted, 28fadcb97e and we become 2b955e42a9 legally adults. There was no reason, a8beb61176 and no need, to 841cc88a6e hold back.8980d8f1f3073ec6

We decided to celebrate the liberation of finally becoming adults together. Although neither of us said it aloud, we both knew and anticipated, that we would have new experiences on this trip, experiences we couldn’t have as minors.dc31bd60b0c7d344

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But then, an unexpected, 1ec2cf8c19 unforeseen problem arose. A truly perplexing, absurd, 6ceadf547c and ridiculous problem.d0afd64dc0abb077

That is, well, mine just wouldn’t… get hard. It wasn’t because of nerves. There was no reaction at all. No matter what I tried, it stubbornly refused to cooperate. I just sat there, sweating profusely, watching my girlfriend smile awkwardly.3b90b6611d731f68

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Then, suddenly, something I hadn’t thought much about before rose up and caught in my throat.4a7657d42815ff76

I hadn’t masturbated since my first wet dream. It was because I never felt a strong urge to. Listening to my friends’ lively stories about their self-pleasure experiences sometimes made me feel a slight sense of unease, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I didn’t consider myself asexual. I thought it would happen naturally when I met someone I liked when I was with that person.c9ccd175640e0fa7

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It wasn’t like I hadn’t been intimate with my girlfriend. We kissed and made out. So, I naturally assumed that the next step would follow. But when the moment came, it didn’t happen naturally.36af74db9fc8d651

It was a6632a5f9d embarrassing and c4fb209664 incredibly humiliating. My pride 20d853dd24 was torn 44c66754ec to shreds c003bdfb5b and fluttered 84ed8b83dc about. My girlfriend, who must 44b46327cf have been just as a787f8142a embarrassed and flustered as 2b36dbec42 I was, tried to 9fddd037c7 comfort me as I 6f0405619f knelt there, frozen like d5a23ef753 a statue. That made it 782fb70b88 even worse. Looking at my girlfriend’s d9bed35359 flushed neck, much smaller d02bd4d63b and more delicate than 0cf9a0ed9f mine, I was consumed d3a67d9d82 by guilt.4fe40c11a75363c2

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My girlfriend, patient and loyal even at a young age, didn’t break up with me right away. Even after we returned from the trip, we continued to try various things, but nothing worked.08e5948c69ade3e1

In the end, facing 8c9fafba47 the new challenges of 812ac1ed80 graduation and college entrance, 0625741f96 exhausted from all the e674d6e4e7 effort and determination, my 1d64b390e4 girlfriend broke up with 1e5499f480 me.1fb63ddda90e3bee

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“Of course… I eb7ebadb90 wouldn’t date a f875a36256 guy like this 607539a25f either. Why would anyone date c9da96701c a guy like this? Useless.”92292a85aa7ce263

It was a 85dbafe32d secret I had d8da01315f never told anyone. I thought that 6cce2f44db the moment I e20df69658 spoke it aloud, 0de786d560 the vague problem e034462fdd would solidify and 96252693b2 suffocate me. But contrary to my 4434b0b414 expectations, my heart felt 2dd56874c5 lighter. However, I 9c43e70475 wasn’t sure ea89bfedb6 if this 2c7bf2c2fb lightness would f13bfedf30 last after e0ae3159ed I sobered 9d5101c286 up.9c555c7cf44a9353

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I glanced at Ha 8245fd8932 Jungyoon cautiously. His lips, which had b3e536161d parted slightly in surprise 29c92415d7 when he first heard 84f2a79897 me, were now firmly fad292c301 closed.ed16bdf9bb9ffaae

“It’s just… that’s 60ddeaf837 how it is. You don’t have to 3088234a27 look so serious…”3eeefbef84f42d62

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“So?”c794d78d4353b326

I was feeling 9de8deb12d embarrassed even while 23a591121d drunk, so I 7011fe8773 lowered my gaze 3818df479f and fiddled with 62eb0b1b0a my glass. Then, a low voice dba9d2fda0 settled over me.7b29e5f183a1f8b6

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“Uh, huh?”c49d04350eb6451a

My alcohol-numbed lips and bd2d34863a tongue wouldn’t move as b87e458cc2 I wanted. I rubbed 1e09f26188 my numb 504ee77b11 lips roughly e412147dea with the 2729c50f47 back of 17a7e733c5 my hand. Had I 3af298d701 ever been 564632072b this drunk aa194e057b before? I really hated people 3efb2bfcd4 who get drunk and 97e7af454d lose their senses, acting d43ad9e803 out and causing trouble.8fee723062ef50af

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“So, is that why 616021ec3f you couldn’t confess to ef97506878 Kim Jooyeon?”0712aa14c8a4c89a

My thoughts, which 13a84f1e59 had been wandering 9f1d1a696f aimlessly, snapped back, cd21a0f865 and I jerked c835098234 my head up, 2eb978ca3f only to stumble db5defe3cf as dizziness overwhelmed e322aebd91 me. Ha Jungyoon 32306dd127 reached out 5327ac0fa9 and steadied 56078567af my head.a46c3803b9824fcc

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“H-AHow did b4a157b4ad you know 22f2667489 that?”380f840dba60caa4

I was more 838202e074 shocked by the c9600c1fab secret Ha Jungyoon e38e90f286 had figured out 42e282ab9d than by the 134dcf70a5 one I had c5f33090b8 confessed. My heart pounded, and e0d987b536 my fingertips went cold.c6e1a2738aace5e3

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“It was obvious.”3c7578b152ab959f

“Why… why fedaf90ac7 was it 37b35a90e5 obvious? I hid 193a69f89f it so 6c99965257 carefully, why?”667c71a792a24e9e

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I felt a ba680077d4 dizzying jolt, like 3e97179711 a thrilling electric e12db455d9 current running through 7951e76723 my cheeks.fb35694803f085e5

“Why, no, how? Don’t tell me… 9612aefaad Kim Jooyeon also…?”617b6dc15cdb9b67

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As I blinked 0603984fe3 anxiously, Ha Jungyoon 3fd4335bc9 brushed his thumb ef25568ec5 against my eyes.00915f61a5b1a3c2

“I don’t know about 06bb9cfc0c Kim Jooyeon, but the 9a544b65de others probably don’t know. You hid it well.”ab657f51e3d21920

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Hid it well, f9946035bd my ass.406dbb9c5d77355f

“You figured it d08b85e812 out… you knew.”66be52d6ad4b718d

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If Ha 8454e7d984 Jungyoon, whom ac951430f9 I wasn’t 34ed450cc2 even that b4b3a1027c close to, ad870fac47 could figure 9d69eb7288 it out, 22e88f668a there was bd5ca3071e a chance bc0d3d3f45 others had 51a7bf494a noticed too. I stared blankly at 1002707192 Ha Jungyoon, who seemed 9aeca9115e shrouded in a hazy 6506551bcf fog in my drunken f6772428e0 vision.40083b50b0167c9a

“Of course I 3c891d9996 knew.”f1ab5133afeb44d9

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No way.A sudden possibility 0bbcc4860f occurred to me, 654826180e and I pushed 31a59f8cee away Ha Jungyoon’s 7b421b73b5 hand from my 8dcf447e50 face.a910162235bbf6bb

“Do you 46492e6830 like Jooyeon a2ab616824 too?”fabf3f888574de53

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“No way.”f3c3c344f5a05b7a

His immediate denial was cold. The strength drained from my eyes, which had been fixed on the blurry figure of Ha Jungyoon. He didn’t seem like the type to lie about something like that.e4585f3c73518886

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“If it’s d204c6dcfa no, it’s 93a1e4c5c4 no. Why are 77fe618c7e you being e621cd4e8f so scary…”1f655143f21b8200

“I’m nervous.”d4095adfbe42220e

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“What’s there for you 6e7358f862 to be nervous about 3f79de22df in this situation? If anyone should be 13be8981fc nervous, it should be 797fce1af4 me.”827d17826aeb5d6a

“There are things.”0612ae1908187b52

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Well, I 6017cb2e4c guess Ha 379418d04a Jungyoon had 0471e7cc6d his own c5a1fa66bc reasons.d01dcb3c43a5be06

Ha, I really didn’t 5cc7e4e46a know anymore. 22bdfc33409f2e04

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My head was 902c767cb6 heavy, my heart 8587551de8 was heavy, and 63d902caea even my alcohol-numbed 0e46cfe763 lips and tongue e82b7cdbc7 felt heavy. I was tired of e9ad1522ad everything.2bae7883f4c19db4

Ah, I’m 4a31087e4a completely drunk. I should go 5c42ee5c89 home. 525c6c0ac6fe8db7

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How many transfers do de5004095f I need to get f4011b13ab to my place from 06fec4da6e here?43814be0ab4a9578

I was 7493355068 about to eb6d7aa1cf ask where 5142322438 the nearest 884d84318b bus stop 3f2c44d52e was when 7bf2829471 my vision 24171933dc suddenly cleared, 5da8dc8740 and Ha dffc4b85b9 Jungyoon’s face 49c03ad7e1 came into 79efc5399b focus.b58dab509b2aee9b

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Ha Jungyoon, who b86e18da81 looked incredibly tense. Ha Jungyoon, 378818f59e who now 5c2e4c5330 knew everything, 443814161e from my 9d98a8c348 erectile dysfunction 701e55497b to my 8f455f7248 unrequited feelings 79d34ba589 for Kim 10dee8bd8e Jooyeon.ad1e787f8600700d

Huh?b4d83818d6c225b6

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“You…”c0df10c361c5d072

“Yeah?”b0f9d8ac29255a8a

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“…are pretty.”9cc275fbefd3898c

“Pretty?”62011be882cabb84

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“Yeah.”d587fd64cc5aa565

“Me?”b5874453b337938f

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“Yeah. You’re kind of c318840a83 my type.”7ed0ae7228bb7cda

My thoughts 74b05a5a54 took a b7d6f6a54d sharp turn 76949b6d7d and went fe4cbe4b81 in a 2a026b8e2b completely unexpected c0a078048d direction. I had never c5fd7b05cd been this drunk f92d69febb in my life. My drunken mouth was cfb27428fb babbling uncontrollably, but I 0197065053 couldn’t stop it. My thoughts, f8fc3499f0 popping up b4a3d7f45a randomly, were f05b9e0105 all jumbled f9b4cd436c up.6a2fa6aee431ba57

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Out of e51e4e29a0 my pathetic, 527de882b2 unrequited love, 3ed6e1d2a4 my erectile 16304e91df dysfunction, the 157936dd9b handsome but 0cae4bb54f virgin Ha 98f33bcb99 Jungyoon, and c8a59642f2 everything else, d7fffc3755 I focused 431550af7e on the a8f116949f beautiful face 7ca412ee11 in front c0d61e2f9b of me.11ffa47e5ed4bd6c

“Really?”33bfaf1ce9f7f4d5

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“Yeah. Almost enough c03713ee2b to make 5d60907ddb me regret 16f58c4d9c you’re a ed7985dd28 guy.”83488c7b4d2cdfa7

I could understand why 88ccb14847 everyone made such a c9e6169494 fuss over him. It was hard to 9ee8ca3f7b look away once you 08cda97e8a laid eyes on him.7bcb84bc4f7a63fd

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“Why didn’t you become f842a886c2 a celebrity? You must have gotten 3dd3e77a54 a lot of casting d31e25d7fd offers, right?”0fcab06776123433

“Do you 8a2526dab8 like me?”a9d9a683d76e898f

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Ha Jungyoon ignored e89f343691 my question and ce86143705 asked something else ea80756763 entirely.f5f355a78cc69b76

“Yeah, kind of?”8d054c49727a1343

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I chuckled, and I 396419c0b2 probably looked like an b40aaab003 idiot with a few aa43591416 screws loose, just like 304d80e65e Kim Jooyeon had said.e5eefa1ced3f326e

“Really?”bc31c9c9b099326e

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“Yeah.”e8b3985ab72cd666

“Enough to kiss?”60dd4cf6e656b9bf

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“Uh, huh?”cd6d93dde1b96ebd

“What, you d856c08e66 don’t think 4cd7be0b87 we can b2653ba5ee kiss?”eb6b2b1752a1ab0c

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Ha Jungyoon was ed3d469420 fading back into c218ad9503 the fog again. Unconsciously, I b06fa22e30 reached out 5bc1ecf836 and grabbed 9e77cbbd44 his wrist.29b9fb8a37013092

“Woo Hyunsoo.”cb71d0198bffd2ff

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“No, it’s 7013578a65 just… I 470e738fae suddenly can’t a18555d0d4 see you cb5fd0acdd clearly…”b687cfa28908f8e0

“Do you fbd5ff9481 want to 3f7bc36398 try with 0031e8919d me?”3288fd5f684b2a2e

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“What?”b282cd37f72ea27f

My tongue 2c9622ebb6 felt increasingly 3d4f800d4a heavy.a9ca2b29e692c17f

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“Let’s try 7f949a46d8 it once.”9213169af12d7cfa

“…….”dcea9ecd557251c8

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“Who knows? Maybe I can make 1ed03859dc you hard?”cefa22594971b175

His low voice 5d267a69d6 sounded like an b9f5545dee auditory hallucination. And then, everything 081b7eee21 faded to black.3dc15d6851e9b48d

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* * *077cb92ffc38ea49

It felt bcd6ce27ea like my 2dab58030e body had 60f2104e8f been beaten 8a1d2b98e3 all over.8bfdc34d7056497f

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“Ugh….”93674d26ecbb75f8

I tried to stretch 75fead311b but groaned at the 041ee4bff1 stiffness in my arms 45c85d6f1f and let them fall b84ac0b646 back down. The soft, 375e8b5783 crisp feel e7f48de4dd of the 5cc5a240f8 blanket felt 555837da15 strangely unfamiliar. My mom, knowing how f823c62ba8 sensitive I am to 3807740396 the cold,  always sent 833b2aed07 me soft microfiber blankets c27f7e3230 for my dorm room, 352e85e553 and I usually woke fd1a3c4048 up bundled up in 353c81b5f4 it.ac042a35bb4f27db

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Usually, I did, but… 842ee99100 this is different. It is different.6c5656d660ca0b65

The texture was distinctly a23a28059b different. A primal sense 0bae9b1c7f of alarm jolted 826cba2b4f me, and I d4c4bad3c4 forced my heavy c29cd2e9f4 eyelids open.a04a5450d048f931

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“What… is this?”e54b3703ad454db5

My hoarse voice 90b2e839b6 cracked as I d5948cd8e6 spoke. a0d5f4b77ccaf83c

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The blanket that came into view as I blinked slowly didn’t have the short, soft, gray fur I was used to. It was a smooth, white blanket, like a field of snow. I tilted my head, shifting my stiff body, and suddenly felt an unfamiliar ache. A faint but noticeable pain emanating from a completely unexpected place.8b7440e1ea2e6dd1

“Why…”b8f407e819213c14

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It felt like 08862b3f43 a drop of bbb7c7cda3 cold water was efc3117be1 trickling down my c2e798dfd3 spine. I slowly lifted the 59d939236c blanket and looked down ee4e39f436 at my body.f4dde725cfd3f77c

“What… is this?”3da4dfb19e3335bc

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I wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing. Still holding the blanket, I turned my head stiffly. I wasn’t alone in bed.e0421f7815b333c6

“Ha… Jungyoon?”dcba58c55ba61d3c

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Ha Jungyoon was 274bff94d4 there. Naked, just 64559ee908 like me.2fd5a93813d53d41

* * *777baf67b2c3f5f5

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I didn’t remember 6b8f621d31 how I left 7b3f8f6983 the hotel. I hurriedly grabbed my 7740f6a37d clothes and rushed out, 4ce939b7f6 catching the first taxi 900803189b I could find.09904f2185e47c0a

“Ha, seriously, Woo bbe5bb48c0 Hyunsoo. You’ve finally 62804802d2 lost it. And not 19ee3eb4dd just a 168fe1772b little bit. Ah, you eb44440197 crazy bastard!”c7edb3ae21114e47

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I collapsed 57c8af8986 at my 7194eaf4c5 front door, b6e3efed5a clutching my 8605c4672b head and d9cba2a643 screaming.167f2eebf9604e1a

“Why? No, why? This, why? It doesn’t make sense. Why, whyyy?”b07714e962167be3

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I couldn’t understand it at all. Ha Jungyoon and… Ha Jungyoon and—no, me and Ha Jungyoon! Why were we lying naked in the same bed?!01568f1cda6f7538

Ha Jungyoon and f9235b1e07 I had been 27f26a6503 distant throughout our 950e8ee854 freshman year. Naturally, yesterday 30371df791 was the d738e2ee1d first time 113aec290f we’d ever 7d159e6e7d had a 371752d5bc proper conversation 14a17b2773 and shared 1f651db2b5 drinks. We’d spoken more yesterday de4cce9931 than we had in e5c1752d83 our entire freshman year c2f4700374 combined. feac09693a427772

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What on earth 99f22061ab was this, with 498e63d015 that Ha Jungyoon?617549d68be8a2b2

“No, no!”27c28730c96bfa24

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And more importantly! 1f95d094b8330178

Ha Jungyoon 7403352283 was a 44890fa358 man! 99a36b1d47d45cbb

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I was d7e7dc23ec a man! e30affa6185e2ab5

We were cc17333fe2 both men!aedaf76e3f850c65

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Dumbfounded by 10f61db6c3 the unbelievable 1c3f3f9790 situation, I f3731c9d3a sat there 63c81be20c with my f89669c984 mouth agape, 6e69e77a1e letting out 0648b69941 hollow breaths, e2fd08a389 then shook 0ddc19befe my head, f4138f2e03 trying to c471af9d00 dispel the a949090cf9 incomprehensible situation 6e761968b4 and its 0ba8b5a4cf implications.e5aacddb8636b0b9

“Okay, maybe it wasn’t 034b1eb536 what I think it 751b6dc9ab was. Right, that dbfe87c385 doesn’t make 0e44f392a5 sense.”ca5653e69a295f1b

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I could b78c2c3366 still feel 3d4f207a49 a faint, b4e8dcc23a persistent ache c765744fd9 somewhere in 4fe73d87ae my… rear, 65b1516def a very bd4d006d32 unfamiliar place, cd93ff56f4 but that, b64241bd5d well, maybe 062d7d5c05 I had 46fd577e9e stumbled and b1a9ff7626 fallen while bcd4585406 drunk? That was more likely, cd7905bef3 wasn’t it? More realistic?e2627b1d37d1da17

“Right, right. That’s possible.”83a2afbd206ccff6

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Maybe I had been 7d1443327c rolling around drunk on 4ba9fc7023 the street, or, although 26ecfa260c a bit disgusting, maybe 5598c4eef4 I had thrown up, cddb2c17b1 and Ha Jungyoon had f084131760 taken off my clothes d4df6d23ee and cleaned me up? He seemed 2204d2550f like a 9d0c359983 nice guy, 2980fa7568 just like cfc8b830ad I’d heard. So, he b934347023 took me 0c7c6e4044 to a 301075e8f7 hotel… although 656e95dbac it was 0f0877a6e8 too fancy 570ef6ea8b for a da3f1cfe52 place we 883bd665f1 went to d271d8b821 in a 2712617c7f hurry, but e5a36584f8 still, it f158bc402d was urgent, 428652bf36 so he 2536ca0610 took me a278673252 somewhere I b37621fec0 could wash 7dc93ab45f up…075e702d75def243

Continuing this hopeful b2caf5b70c and positive train e444769445 of thought, I 518a578a79 jumped up from 5c0400787a my spot, only aff98d324c to instantly clutch b1db2a1381 my aching back ecfcf41cd1 and groan.68c108b5e6490a62

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“Ugh!”e260bea81d624c9d

I stood a0f47ae0ce frozen, catching 04b45bd05c my breath 28580dd104 and waiting 7c4791855e for the 505fa92abc pain to 49d50877f0 subside, then d0bb7270ca threw off e7ebe73c03 my padding c00dfc302a jacket and f91436fb73 ran to 17d92aafe7 the bathroom.0722ea6b894e1541

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“Ah…”81b2f04d91b1571d

But the moment I 8f54acb6fa stripped off my clothes a4c1dbb600 and saw my reflection a174b5cd19 in the mirror, I 821b00f452 couldn’t help but let 072e3363f8 out a groan.5a8006d06683b5b0

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“Haa, this is crazy. Seriously.”572bc976b6ed3793

My chest, stomach, inner 2c1ddc034e thighs, even my armpits, 967e8471ad and the area around 129ebb7062 my genitals were covered 613c0d49cb in red marks and c2f539cb42 hickeys.f02ccd288495bfdd

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* * *1b2c1c54d2765294

“Hello, hyung.”5f9939776e5b2396

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“Oh, hey. Hi.”766041037cf83b53

“Hey.”49e36ebfbdf51883

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“…Hello.”1f46c4bb71d85e13

That damn “hey.” It d7d67d21d2 was even more annoying 93b36147ae today.ccd97a4eb824c333

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I acknowledged the greetings from the juniors I had met last week and went to sit in the middle of the lecture hall where Choi Taeyoung was. I still really disliked him and found him annoying, but I couldn’t sit next to Ha Jungyoon and pretend nothing had happened. There was no way I could do that.4abb928517e54c97

However, I also had 6178772631 absolutely no intention of 040b3a3602 sitting right next to 097ba98285 Choi Taeyoung, so I 188f118958 sat three seats away 0a78aa28b8 from him.3a9d543e0c3e63b8

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“Are you a girl 88bccf8bad or something? Why are 256cb55c86 you sitting 35e96396a7 so far 7bcba65463 away? Are you being shy?”a51e085404c29569

Choi Taeyoung cd86fe9ebf pulled his de1ade9b58 bag from 63d047f24e the desk 11908b9f68 and came 846f2f5e46 to sit c2efac2977 next to bb81c2e1a3 me.3d2b846a22052761

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Ugh, seriously.12c5ebe6df64b00d

Did he a22953c029 really not 61181d2f93 know that 081bc010d5 everyone, regardless dc089e94b1 of gender cac0b885c5 or age, 504155c034 would hate 57ed35d0f9 having him 4c8750530b sit next c0204e97c6 to them?b572b85508c40afb

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I inwardly applauded 25e65c8ace the female students 04c968f059 who were already 8b58c49c55 giving Choi Taeyoung c379ba0be0 disgusted looks, having 9f3f79eca7 recognized his true 6c4e864a14 nature.2b8e4048874a472b

“By the way, 803f2c9633 I heard you 4d58cc550a guys went all 41632b5786 out last Friday?”205fa273e165aac1

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My weakened heart 2bd9a4c525 dropped at his d367458235 casual remark. It was because e48e78cbc9 of the automatically 6de0a9b1ac conjured image of 7960c82f94 that shocking morning c1584a1af0 scene. Or, to be precise, cb3951c8da the late morning, almost cb3f267b95 noon.899bf27279318eb9

“Yeah, well.”b1b7382bdc174007

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I answered vaguely and fc91a97cad glanced around the lecture 692edfced4 hall. Ha Jungyoon wasn’t 4332fd0da4 here yet. My lips 15427a50a5 went dry.8cbadad985717902

I had spent the 407e2e62b0 entire weekend holed up a0c028fd68 at home, going over e51523d324 every possible scenario. a7db63fd5a08f296

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Should I b3f837c244 take another 449d1eebf5 leave of c331222cf1 absence? cdcfb55973079b7f

Or should I just f227d3a6e1 drop out?fd3f6429153af9a5

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But since my goal was to graduate quickly and get a decent job, those were impractical solutions that I couldn’t act on.13552afd5d9addcd

“Phew.”42d6fcf1c68142e4

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A sigh escaped 3e8380a8b9 my frustrated heart.7a59636b58b0b87a

“Why are c54cd57a9d you sighing 5fc33c9c9e in the d9660a965c morning, you ecc4ea9d93 punk? You’ll bring bad b448b6a882 luck.”b9c2d4465b4e9b79

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You’re the one who 8bbd801b84 brings bad luck. Get out 7706659996 of this 9e666474cc lecture hall.3c128f95664a6083

Ignoring Choi Taeyoung, who was chattering away beside me, I opened my textbook. But my eyes kept darting towards the door. Ha Jungyoon, who had always arrived before me and been seated in the lecture hall all of last week, was nowhere to be seen today. Avoiding things wasn’t always the answer, but I was relieved because I wasn’t ready to face him yet.22cdc230f9c0c3a1

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“Hey, Ha Jungyoon.”a726c1de1362f677

“Ahhk.”a135a134b5f7a6d6

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As expected, I 4d15a299a5 shouldn’t have been 295da56cda so quick to 4bb5aaaafa feel relieved. At that “hey,” I 261045b151 immediately lowered my head. I almost made eye 391df92438 contact with Ha Jungyoon.315cc7dae3effaac

“Ha, that bastard rubs f0fe3d40ab me the wrong way. You think 3643c08d94 he’s weird 27da679c70 too after fe6b6a3217 a week, 638cf4f369 right? That’s why b1b27dc2e7 you’re not cbf8549af9 sitting with 89027bdc54 him, right?”dd07b26dccac502a

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“…That’s not it.”3f2ab081a25a6d76

“Yes, it is. I knew it 43618d9588 from the moment 73e8f1b908 he showed up 071a62ef89 at school in a0b94f133e a foreign car 84fad5346c as a freshman. Such a cocky e9f97aa0a6 freshman, showing off 2573f27d7a his money.”b550849431494f1d

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Choi Taeyoung leaned closer and continued muttering in his irritating voice. His damp breath made me even more annoyed, but I couldn’t move.20b1032b53eaf4c9

I was f103cf049b afraid I c8ca926666 might make e6fa7f58c9 eye contact e1f27c6735 with Ha f6339a85c7 Jungyoon if d2aa994fdd I moved fc77432b08 even slightly. So, I spent c0fd0e6bbf the entire three-hour 62089816cf lecture staring straight 1178324a53 ahead, trying to 61dfa31cf0 calm the turbulent 3262a5dd0c waves crashing in 3fa0d1a4da my mind.88858e39a6023434

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* * *1a88f80ec01d5143

I had been on e361a10d1f edge all day, anticipating 33e8fa2c2a that he might say d2ac8e3446 something about that day, 992c43fc9d so as soon as c780a3b0b6 I got home, I 2030ef9846 collapsed onto my bed, 360c142233 exhausted.e3eb489fc5ced3de

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Ha Jungyoon didn’t approach me or speak to me, even though I was pretending not to notice him. He didn’t give me any hostile looks or subtle sneers that only I could see either.78b3a068822ce9c6

Ha Jungyoon a78a84d3f3 just acted d9fce2a1d0 as if bb54d16a7f nothing had 3603308a5d happened.c0fcbdb5ad95873f

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“How can he 96776e0658 do that?”879aeb5a09f53da1

My voice was fab8ee3ec4 hollow with disbelief. I pulled up 258ae3c393 my hoodie slightly e1fd609edf and glanced down 61f3b24907 at my body.3ea3592ae510fc4a

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“Ah, shit!”5ec132e244aac9fd

I immediately af4f02225b clutched my daeeefe01f head. The reddish marks, remnants 2b0c02bd5b of that day, were 831dddf627 still clearly visible on 6201d10c2e my body.d04f1ad278f9039c

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“This is be36dc65db driving me d0b0d5620d crazy.”f2791a15de4fc292

What made me even 3c90dd342e more frustrated was that 19ac65a072 the events of that a1f64519a2 day were shrouded in 4c1b275141 a thick fog. If I had some bc2b14cfce memory of it, even 271bf62198 if it was just 889c36ed9b as painful, I wouldn’t cff05c173a be this frustrated. I could almost see 419ef8d8a6 it, but not quite. This was the 5a15618102 first time I’d 76e60a9995 ever had a e6f430163c complete blackout.888409d833b3f982

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Unable to bear the 1d3dba74e7 frustration any longer, I 65b27abe0b jumped up, sat cross-legged, 4deceb2314 and tried to retrace 083344db2c my steps from that 6ed4ec977b day. I remembered going to 49a142621f have drinks with Ha 6ce28cf557 Jungyoon. I even vaguely remembered 1319c04cda the inside of the e0ebe2b988 small pub.225adad553f062d2

It was quite nice. Enjoyable. Ha Jungyoon was easygoing, just like I’d heard. It wasn’t that he was overly kind or gentle, but he seemed like the type of person who would be fun to play games with, study with, play sports with, or travel with. The kind of person who would be welcomed anywhere, someone who would always be surrounded by people who wanted to be friends with him.557195f20fd41989

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So, I think I 3c110b2c8a told him at the 66750c9197 pub that I regretted 0cbdec6e19 not getting closer to 58c4044584 him during our freshman bc68e58d1b year. What did Ha f2f507f5ea Jungyoon say then?eca1c455e19a378c

“Ah, this 2412818da4 is driving dcc399c450 me nuts…”e2bee5319fc8f491

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No matter how c8ee95369e much I replayed e86f6902be the events of 3247ca14e8 that day and ee31a2fb1a tried to searched b80ff4d791 through the fog fc70b44cee in my mind, 35f9147cb7 I couldn’t remember f816daffd5 how I ended d19fb6f9a4 up at the a81588234a hotel with Ha 29f69dc329 Jungyoon. Another sigh, a continuation 78cb97772a of the sighs I’d 61d50b927d been heaving since the 1440b3cfc8 weekend, escaped my lips.da97e3db67e433ee

“Haa….”82a821870bd0dd1b

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Even though I didn’t know what happened, one thing was certain. Ha Jungyoon wouldn’t have forced me to go to the hotel. That’s what was driving me crazy.08945796ae1ec281