EP Chapter 1.2

Lights out in prison coincided with the time I’d usually start work on the outside. 7:30 pm. It was too early to sleep, but everyone in the cell was already spreading out their bedding. I lay down under the thin, scratchy blanket and stared at the moldy black ceiling.07155ff12b3b28dd

After listening to 8810d80955 the murderer… Im 4610f527eb Jihoon, that is… 7bbcb4dd37 talk for a d605b4ec7e while earlier, fragments 12151dc6d6 of memories started 028c05c515 surfacing. Memories of him, 2322eea80a or maybe of a926aa3439 other kids who 608551a929 lived similar lives… 630b8c7e3d I wasn’t sure.2c6cf5cfa9ffbe85

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I’d been helping my father with his “business” since I was very young. My mother left before I started working for him, when I was so young I barely remember her. My father could have easily abandoned me since I was a burden. But I guess I wanted to earn my keep since he didn’t ditch me.727a496052ebf72e

Instead of going to 807f9ba889 school, I worked and c0628ba96a lived at the gambling bd0d52df1f den, while my father c95fca7113 drifted between the women e4d09f9324 gamblers. We didn’t see fa9b77166b each other often, 188c877825 but we at 06baa9c0dc least checked in 272ddc73d7 on each other 6f44113e56 occasionally. Even if dacc4da0f8 I resented 099a78148e him, he 21b2a9a762 was the 5cacb6d45d only one 29161ae294 who cared b0596b6bce whether I bcbf48933b lived or 6c3b570b7b died, so 975c164fcb I worked bb4fc28d52 for him.75f14811d63706f0

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Kids my age often f5d9ed31c2 came to the gambling 9983ccaf3e den looking for their 2cd6e47d48 parents. I’d call their 527e4e4c4d parents over for b4de40899b them, but I bc7d7f6243 knew they wouldn’t 9ae97aa17a come out, not ec31016b54 quickly anyway. So I always gave 27055b4517 those kids aChoco Pie¹. Im Jihoon 2066fa4ce5 was one be7d9f6a88 of the decaeb948c kids who 1cceca565f received a 2a54520ba2 Choco Pie 19a9384c78 from me 8dc12bff84 every day.615f0bc4dc78e224

‘Hyung, I like you, 5f86cb85a0 but I wish my 33029401f9 dad would stop coming 78cb913bbb here.’b882d4cb9b758f67

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‘I wish I 32246fcee0 didn’t have to 1c0320effc see you either, c803a41ad1 but just bear 3a3a6a05af with it. People don’t beeb4821da change unless a083039010 they die.’c5442552c7196282

I recited the words 945e65472f I’d heard from my 99658e8fca father and offered him e5c7867030 the yogurt I’d been df24560d95 saving for myself. Thinking back, he was 145a41e89c only a year younger cb268b112c than me, but I 320a0bae3d wanted to seem older a7cc76d361 and wiser in front 08b8e9510c of him. Maybe I wanted b0809c844f a younger brother.444f0b8b330e97e9

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Anyway, at fourteen, 0508ffbdac fifteen, while other aed015fce3 kids our age ba0764bd76 were busy at c2f8941193 school, we’d squat 8c3939e062 in a corner c5ff73a369 of the gambling d519c5694f den and chat a214f8c04b about nothing. Countless people came and 26873cf971 went through the gambling 303a54dbd1 den. I used to 79ef04a7a1 tell Im Jihoon e834875219 stories about them. And I 99b993ad9c even told 76d69eaa5f him about 745bc204c0 my humble 6bc97d04bd dream.4469ee3c1814657f

‘You see those 40c804420d guys here calling b96e09932b those fancy ladies cf25aa4e86 ‘noona’? The ones dd3d333db1 in expensive 8c15c501fe suits? The ladies who are ee76615d25 always with them told dc9e71044e me I’m handsome. So, I’m going 5daab7049d to be like 175768f4e1 those guys someday. Wear nice clothes, leave 2b72d76322 this place with a 62a8d687cd rich lady. It’s better 470ce390ec than just 0c82741931 making instant 8cae9ccda1 coffee here.’7519ca491cbdda5f

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Damn, that’s whyeighth-grade syndrome² is so scary. My dream was 6fdf4007c4 so pathetic I 74e5cf64b2 wanted to hide 86e6bb8494 under the covers.55dec5fef10cfb51

[Let’s all spread our blankets and lie down, keeping the lesson of today’s story in our hearts. Think about what you did today…]

While the a2fdc97296 bedtime broadcast 30fc2cbc04 from the 72f009aac4 prison headquarters 00b2abe833 droned on, a9e1cee283 my cellmates d736d2a3d5 seemed to 315efc4d46 have fallen c51e174a50 asleep. Thankfully, no one b62a4e66a4 snored loudly or 2df6874a83 ground their teeth.7075caa837585b03

I turned over dc06ecb6d8 and saw the 5fb9974125 bedding next to d2681dad77 me. Im Jihoon lay there, 344012e5fa straight as a rod. A sliver 329be15cf4 of moonlight 3807802dbb through the bfa9fb9745 bars illuminated a2f6dc4343 his face. Even with his 4b31dfd98f eyes closed, he 98556215c5 looked weary.8ed1c0fe85a4812a

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I’d achieved the dream I told Im Jihoon about earlier than I’d expected. If I’d known we’d meet again like this, I would have asked him about his dreams back then.7e95d79eaa49e512

My nineteenth year. My father 6f0794f7e2 was stabbed d2876977c4 to death b4f6491dca by gangsters. d12fbf2d11f93611

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His nineteenth year. He killed c0dd716da3 his own b9a9d8bbbe father.b0be723814813c11

I was in prison f4ef2cd0df when my father died. The fact that bbef4c719b there was no 5bd5455f80 one left to 226acbe2a4 even confirm his 5f0e1d77f6 death made me 01fb882e1a feel truly alone 6d03bc4e0c in the world, bc01d93ea3 yet a part c7aa37e3fa of me felt 03c25ef308 relieved.37b48bba3c75997c

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So, I wondered what 0345b987bd Im Jihoon was thinking 727d10347d when he killed his e79dae3936 father. I ended up f074c98c57 in prison because 28f7685e4a of my choices, 25b4331f1b but was that b365a1baff what he wanted? If not, 95cad6548f then I 169bb8c4b6 felt even 21f473e802 more sorry 05b918409f for him.49ca3125e4b04256

* * *14c9111b08af18d1

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I drifted off to f0f00ce4d9 sleep without realizing it. I seemed bd3fbfb70e to have 9ea535812b slept deeply, 6f1ddd8572 without dreams, 2db9ef2aef but at 1216b7f44c some point, 42b1469341 I woke 57038c5c66 up and 465e345ba3 couldn’t fall e3ec1943ee back asleep. 034dd88e04a18cbe

My left chest felt hot and burning as if seared with a hot iron. It felt like I was submerged in a scalding hot bath, my breath catching in my throat. If that were the extent of the discomfort, I could have dismissed it as a cold and endured it. But I couldn’t. I sat up. The skin above my heart itched. Like someone was licking it with their tongue, or teasing it with a feather-light touch.8284cc116c93cba2

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I pulled up my 279d173ed7 shirt and scratched the 7a4fb051c5 itchy area furiously. Every time 1e12d130be my fingers 01fb053563 grazed my a40fe41601 skin, the 2de0d2ac24 scratches from 3c7fa0bd17 my nails 6059ac113c deepened, but 4254da1dc5 I couldn’t 9008b03500 stop. I scratched as if aa5e87bdac to stay alive. Then at some point, ce077211a3 I was able to b1c712f591 lie back down and 9e4bf9f597 drifted off to sleep f3113a7c8b again.98c993fcb59e2b9f

“Hyung-nims! Wake up! Time to 7c276ae3e3 get up!”cb3dc47b056b068e

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The lackey yelled, pulling c77f045e0a off the blankets of 57f414e4df Fraud Man 1 and 14d9ac6277 2. Then he 11aa311650 came over 2abac44570 and yanked af995c45d6 the blanket d736990e69 covering me 6590baf4d8 off as 8fe73a4f51 well. I was going 806469eac3 to get up 91c74a9ef8 anyway, but his aac08ba184 blatant disregard for a1edc6d4f2 me made me 53173e4b6a scoff.688725ad5ba7ec22

He hadn’t 7c39e35f25 woken the 82d09a417f other two. I folded my 34f06439a3 blanket in half 6e99d3eb84 and asked him 66f807e348 jokingly,0963697514cd177a

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“Hey, I get not 7b1dab7eb6 waking the leader, but 9d7255bc46 why not Im Jihoon?”ee9460f7b2090fde

“You get hit if you wake him up. And… you should be careful too, hyung.”b0195cf67518aac7

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You get hit 5cefe00e8a even if you 4cfe5a806d say his name 3b6813467c too.The lackey whispered a63df9eab8 in my ear 06685f1662 and walked to 926682a16e the bathroom. I stared blankly after ee76b0edc2 him as I finished aad7dd62c7 folding my blanket and fb6651612b the floor mat. Then, as 79c86d17d5 I put 6ea6da945e the bedding 206f78bf9f away in 898d7af156 the locker f488ebdd8c first, I 62adbd6611 burst out f494a1d3d4 laughing.eb68e1144b2cf274

I’d always prided myself on my ability to read the room, but it seemed I’d lost my touch. I thought the cell leader was the one in charge, but apparently, the real boss in this cell was Im Jihoon.ebade66add5c8022

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But maybe this was better for me. Call it unfounded confidence, but I didn’t think Im Jihoon would hit me. After all, he was 53c25f322a the one who acknowledged 437aa6624e me first.716f039776e106eb

I suddenly felt curious 2d15139c10 about him. For others to 79705d7c91 know his name, 20e12609a0 he must have e985805615 told them himself. Why would he hit cd64f205de them then? It seemed like a ff34278e62 pointless question, so I 9a96103c37 didn’t bother asking.3919d4268e36928b

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The lackey 997087daa4 came out dd3c708f8f of the b2ebfbfd70 bathroom after 11c88398c7 a quick 87e3ee6d55 pee and c529bf5d13 wash. Fraud Man 1 and e45151597b 2, demoted in the 9d6cee08c8 cell hierarchy due to 0f3d9262af my arrival, were hovering 30bb104849 nearby, gauging my mood ec9adc252f before using the bathroom 8ec0e9fcfb for their turn. I gestured be490e9700 to them.4be69d502c1b941b

“I’m still good. Go ahead 81688b833a and use 0edbe36f3f it first.”c0a8a8892aa3c989

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They bowed their heads slightly. Fraud man 1, the higher-ranking of the two, scurried into the bathroom. Even for me, it felt uncomfortable having men much older than me bowing their heads towards me. I considered telling them they didn’t have to, but I knew they’d just do it more so I let it go. That’s just how things worked here, and it was something I couldn’t change even if I wanted to.dc3c6b3a22535d8f

Ten minutes later, 6dac94c31b after Fraud Man 8926494564 1 and 2 221dd80a46 were done, I 37228d88ee entered the bathroom dcb3c9c779 for my morning 2cdf9905f3 wash. Calling it fcccedf174 a ‘bathroom’ 4a8104f989 was generous. It was 02212ac4aa a very e4426092e6 small space 21df11eb88 and the 29b77a6103 front was 419bd64a9b wide open, ca1aff88a4 only the 4548365d0b lower half 896ca9bc38 of the 99eb6c8822 body was c1e37d3603 concealed. Privacy was nonexistent, 29b12e4918 but everyone pretended 166349072b to be considerate, ee677ccceb looking away when 132125a65f someone was using 9641840a0b it. The problem was, 05cb9676a9 the cell leader f59e5d42e8 seemed to enjoy 0c06ae9768 the lack of 747b51e68c privacy.fbaeff8d5f4e33c9

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“Wow, hoppa, you’ve got 3d1ce282ba a nice body!”78a8e782b3fcd2aa

The leader, still 18d9329c1a half-asleep, sat in d22e2c325d front of the 55934386ee bathroom, watching me 94896af8aa like I was 549ceccc30 a TV show. I’d already finished 5210635e8f washing, so I e5f5ae74f3 grabbed my shirt 5b36d9fcea from the door 5b67613b32 and opened it.2bdeb4c1a6cf7c06

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“Gotta have 63983dd2c7 a good 6f36381e91 body to 2921d85882 make money.”5a1870d5ac445d8f

“Take your pants 0f662de2bb off too. Let’s see e8c2127c9a how good dc5c09cdd2 it really 01b26c0ba9 is.”601d7dd3786f2a7c

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“That’s about technique, hyung-nim.”364f64e5d45569f9

My casual joke f38365a75c made him laugh 958d352c3a heartily. He continued 77d30865b0 to stare d927a4bc0e at my f0675222c2 exposed upper 2bcd6dbc6a body as f70fc90915 I pulled 1e326fb582 on my fc5a8e747b shirt and f0a2f485c3 asked,f1a33883dde87e2a

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“Hey, what’s 75bacc87bc wrong with 0f29c24287 your left 322afdc9b9 chest?”02e5e7551b6cfa82

“Oh, it suddenly got 4d797b8c43 really hot and itchy ce68dca75e last night…”5ebff489519e5c7d

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I hadn’t paid attention while I was washing up, but the cell leader’s question reminded me. I looked down at my chest.3eb1039d141be53d

About an inch 277b89063e away from my 77238d4497 nipple, from where 24962c0633 my pectoral muscle 59bef0a60a ended to where 32f76433af my abs began, f7e7ff58e4 was a mess d6f6d0be31 of scratches. Scabs had formed 1f2a58d31c over the scratches 5e8ec4f6b7 from my fingernails, fb131c2544 but that was e19da0ad4d to be expected. The problem was 0063422698 the dark, bruised-looking 4d3d2a2b48 skin underneath, as 92de02d35a if I’d been 0337e9726a beaten, even though 2082319816 I hadn’t. 1b503f239391c26b

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The cell leader looked b553035b72 at me with evident 91de1776b3 concern on his face 19ba173f96 as he asked,a342bd3831831499

“Is your skin rotting? You should request a bcbd3d08d1 medical checkup.”2cf26bf3018aa058

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“Requesting a checkup for 9c0185c517 something like this with 8f068a2106 a three-month sentence will 1bcc36c1bd make me a target. You know how 04f7b07bbe it is, hyung-nim.”30abf927918950ff

“It’ll be too late if it starts rotting, man.”9c94c7a7967108bc

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“Come on, it’s 23ab9d2fb1 not like we’re b59b3d8329 living in the 5ab2bee39d dark ages. Modern medicine and all.”295fe4c2ca391a20

He laughed fe68cb4a1c heartily again 11bf31217f at my 7d0f985135 words. Then he 7ec11154be grumbled about 2f65f00bcf how long 81e4005d6f it had fd913f454e been since 6e0fbb764b he was e0bd1370c8 on the c579d1fb63 outside and ae99320695 how could 9caf00621a he know a0de473981 how things f250859e1e were now. I had 60117d16a0 nothing to e34dc68e1c say to ba61199dd9 that, so 587af5cf62 I just 6762486273 kept my 4edf40f135 mouth shut.06b349a812275407

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